Highs and Lows

5 days old

I can't believe it's already been 9 days since Kellen was born. Is there a pause button somewhere out there that I can press to keep these precious newborn days from flying by so fast? I really want to cry, knowing that he's already growing and changing so fast!

I just love love love having a newborn in the house. He's like this little piece of heaven that I get to smell and hold and love on each day. He's a smiler, for sure. I don't know who ever said that newborns don't smile, but this little boy smiles all the time -- and I know it's not gas.

He's still sleeping most of the day. God is so good to make babies this way, and ease us into mothering a new little life. Can you imagine if babies were born as toddlers?! What a life-changer that would be! As it is right now, things aren't too overwhelming. I can kind of count on Kellen sleeping through the kids' bath/bedtime (hardest part of the day) and try to give T and L as much attention as I can while K is sleeping. Of course, I've had plenty of help with all of that this week ...

If you ask the boys (and me!!) what the best part of this week has been, it would be that Daddy has been home ALL WEEK! I can't even begin to tell you what a gift his help has been to me! For three whole days last week, Jon took the boys out of the house on an "adventure" all day. They had the BEST time, and I got to just savor some quiet moments with my newest love. I felt like I was a mother of one again during those days. It was just me and Kellen ... I SO appreciated the PEACE around here, and just knew the whole time how precious those hours were with JUST him.

Tanner has been smitten with the little guy. He is VERY good with him and loves to hold him several times a day. I'm hoping to introduce an occasional bottle sometime next week, and I think I'll give Tanner the honor of feeding it to him. I can already imagine his delight ... :) He talks baby talk to him ALL DAY LONG and I can tell he is totally in love -- what a good big brother.

Landon has had kind of a hard time. He doesn't really care at all about the baby, which is totally fine. I get it. But his behavior has been so bad. Just so not like him. He also doesn't really want to have anything do to with me, and I think our interactions have been mostly negative all week. I think I've cried about it every day since I brought the baby home. My mom says his behavior probably has a lot more to do with the fact that he's turning 3. He's not a baby anymore. He wants to be independent. I probably agree with this a little. But it still makes me sad.

Tomorrow is Jon's first day back at work. I had kind of a trial run today with all 3 for an extended period of time. Jon had a muster for the Army that he had to report to. (He's still in the Independent Ready Reserves and has to report for a day here and there). But, he was home by 4:30, and by then I was already close to the end of my rope. I'm a little bit nervous for tomorrow, but I'm also looking forward to establishing a routine, getting Landon back on a nap schedule, etc. I'm praying so hard that Landon's attitude will change, and that God will give me huge reserves of patience and kindness for my sweet middle boy.

That being said, I should probably do my part by getting to bed at a decent time and waking up as well-rested as possible. First, though, a few more cuddles with my newest. He's such a little angel-baby. No chance he'll grow into a sassy, stubborn 3-yr-old, right? ;)

Baby Love

We're so excited to announce the birth of our newest love! This little guy entered the world with a bang and has completely stolen our hearts in the last 72 hours!

Kellen Patrick Hall

March 9, 2012

8:06 am

7 lbs, 5 oz

19.5 inches

I still can't believe that he actually arrived on MARCH 9!!! Remember this post, where I told you how I selected that day weeks ago to be the perfect day for his arrival? For some reason, that day had been on my mind for a while. However, after Thursday's doctor's appointment, I was pretty sure that date was out of the question. Oh little Kellen, already working hard to make Mommy happy :)

Want to hear how it all went down? Excuse all of the minute details, but I wanted to make sure they are all there for posterity's sake!

As I wrote Thursday evening's post, I was feeling some random contractions, but nothing regular or painful. I just chalked it up to more Braxton Hicks after a long week of taking care of the kiddos. We hadn't even seen Jon since the previous Sunday. He was at an overnight conference Mon-Wed, then class on Wed night, and a work function on Thursday night. I woke up around 11:30 Thursday evening not really feeling well, but didn't really think I was in labor. At 1:30, I woke up again, this time having real contractions. Jon came to bed soon after and I told him we were probably going to have a baby the next day. Poor guy had a HUGE work meeting Friday morning, but considering the length of my other labors, he thought he might just be able to make it.

I started timing my contractions using a nifty little "Contractions" app on my iPhone. They were pretty regular from the start (4-5 mins apart). I sat in the glider in Kellen's room and tried to just relax as much as possible. I held out until 4am, then decided I should probably call my mom, who was planning to come later that morning, and ask if she could go ahead and start making her way here (2.5 hr drive). At this point, my contractions had been 3-4 min apart for at least an hour. However, I still thought I had lots of time. With Landon, I labored at home for 12 hours, and was still only 3 cm when I finally got to the hospital. I went and laid down in bed for about an hour, and my contractions seemed to slow down a bit.

At 5:30, I got up to start showering and making sure things were in order for the hospital. Things got a lot more intense from there. My contractions seemed a lot closer together and more painful. It took me forever just to get through showering and drying my hair. Jon left for work as soon as my mom arrived around 6:30. By 7:00, I was in a lot of pain, but I still had some things to get together before I could go. The problem was, I could hardly do anything because I was in so much pain. I know what you're thinking right now, "You are a stupid, stupid woman." I fully agree.

I called the doctor around 7:15. By 7:30, we decided that we would go ahead and get the kids in the car. Here was our plan: my mom would take me to the hospital, where I would have the doctor check my progress before I called Jon away from his meeting. Then, she would drop Tanner off at preschool. It was an important day for him and I really didn't want him to have to miss it. It was his show-and-tell day, which means it was also his day to bring a snack, be the weather-watcher, and the calendar helper.

By the time we actually got in the car, I was already starting to wonder if I would make it to the hospital before having the baby! My contractions were only 1-2 minutes apart and extremely intense. I was feeling so much pressure. I've heard people talk before about feeling pressure, but had never really felt it before, so I didn't know that's what it was at the time. To me, it felt like my bladder was going to explode and I was going to wet my pants.

My poor mom. She had no idea how to get to the hospital and had to rely on me for directions. I was trying so hard not to act like a crazy woman in labor because I knew I was already scaring my kids who were in the back seat. The traffic was horrible, and we were stuck behind a school bus most of the way to the hospital. On the way there, I called Jon and yelled into the phone, "If you want to see this baby born, you need to get to the hospital, NOW!! I don't know if I'm going to make it!!" Almost 30 minutes later, we were finally getting close to the hospital. I called the doctor again in a panic and told her I didn't know if I was going to make it and that I would definitely need a wheelchair because there was no way I could make it in the door and up to labor and delivery by myself.

A few minutes later (8:00 am), we pulled up to labor and delivery, where Jon was waiting at the door for me with a wheelchair. They got me up the elevator as fast as they could, and we were met by several nurses who wheeled me into a room right away (8:01 am). I cried all the way up to the unit, and then into my room, where I looked in my doctor's eyes and said, "I really wanted an epidural!!!" The nurses were literally undressing me as they wheeled me in, pulling off my pants and shoes as they took me out of the wheelchair and helped me onto the bed. As soon as I laid down, the doctor checked me and confirmed the head was right there. I couldn't help it, I just had to start pushing right away. My water broke at 8:03. And little Kellen was here at 8:06.

I was a mess. The crazy lady in labor, screaming and crying that I wasn't going to be able to do it. At one point the nurse got right in my face and said "Stop screaming!" Jon looked completely shell-shocked. He told me afterwards that he felt like he was in the middle of a combat operation. Even after giving birth, I was still traumatized for a while. I think I was just so scared by the whole thing ... the drive, no pain meds, etc. This wasn't exactly how I envisioned my labor would go :) I was basically shaking and crying for the first 30 minutes after Kellen was born. I didn't even hold him for an hour or so after he arrived.

Finally, things calmed down a bit. My nurse was awesome and kept reassuring me that I did a great job. I just remember that she kept bringing me really warm blankets to cover up with that felt so good! My mom and the boys were able to come in and visit as soon as visiting hours started at 10am. They boys were so adorable with Kellen. It totally melted my heart to see them check him out and hold him for the first time. Tanner was especially over-the-moon, looking at his newest brother so sweetly. My heart literally wanted to burst.

I do have to say, even though I probably wouldn't have chosen to deliver like I did, the recovery has been amazing. Once I got over the initial shock of the whole thing, I felt great right away. I was up, moving around, snapping pictures of the boys, etc. Our time in the hospital was really fantastic. My nurses were wonderful and took excellent care of Kellen and I. I so enjoyed the peace and quiet and sweet time with my new little man. I can't believe how quickly I've fallen in love again. He is just so new and fresh and soft and smells like heaven. I can't believe that God has blessed me once again with such a perfect little miracle. I know the next few days and weeks will fly by, and soon he's going to be as big as Landon -- who, by the way, was still a baby to me until just a few days ago. I'm already wishing I could just stop time for a little while.

Thanks, everyone, for all of your prayers and well-wishes! We are so thankful to have added another healthy little boy to our family.

Countdown

Yesterday, Tanner and I made super-yummy oatmeal cookies with butterscotch chips.

Then I dipped them in melted chocolate.

I'm allowed to do that, you know, since I'm STILL PREGNANT. Actually, the way I look at it, I'm entitled to dip anything I want in chocolate before I eat it ... until I have this baby :) And, if I want to eat an ice cream sundae AND a cookie at night because I can't decide between the two, I CAN. Pretty soon, I'll have to start losing the 35 lbs I've gained, so for now, I'm determined to enjoy myself. (BTW ... that's 10lbs less than I gained with both of my other boys, so I'm feeling pretty good about that.) And ... just in case you're worried about me actually gaining another 10 lbs before this baby comes, I have some good news ...

I'll only be pregnant for 4 MORE DAYS at most!!!

At today's appointment (39wks 2 days), I was still only 2 cm dilated. She disagreed with last week's effacement of 60-70% and felt like I was only 50%. She said everything is looking good, and she saw no reason to make me go past my due date, so she asked if I'd like to go ahead and schedule an induction. I was totally caught off guard by that, assuming they'd make me go to at least 41 wks. I asked her when the earliest was that I could schedule and she said Monday, so Monday morning it is! I call the hospital at 5am, and as long as they have room for me, I'm getting induced at 6am.

To be honest, I have totally mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm completely excited. I feel a HUGE sense of relief being able to set up help with the boys ahead of time. I've been wearing myself out this past week worrying about all of the different scenarios that could happen as far as getting to the hospital and getting someone here to watch Tanner and Landon. My mom is going to come tomorrow and stay for the weekend. If I haven't had Kellen by Sunday, my mother-in-law will be here to watch the boys while I'm induced and during my hospital stay. Childcare is essentially covered by the two best grandmothers in the world. Jon will get a full week off of work. Then, the next week my mom is off of work to watch my niece, Lanier, so she can come back to help, which means two full weeks of help for me. So ... those are the positives.

On the other hand, I'm a tad bit nervous about the actual induction. I haven't been induced before and I just hope I'm not rushing things along. I really don't have a good excuse to schedule an induction other than convenience. I'm still feeling pretty good. I'm not majorly uncomfortable. I haven't been sleeping well, but that's only because my mind is racing at night ... not because I'm uncomfortable. I'm also thinking "OH MY GOD!!! This is for REAL ... I'm going to have a BABY in 4 DAYS!!!!"

But, I do know one thing. I've been praying so hard about this and working to trust in God's perfect timing. So, hopefully, this opportunity to set my anxieties aside, enjoy these last few days of pregnancy, and fully prepare my family for a birth in the next few days is a gift from Him.

Okay, better get to bed now. Only 4 more full nights of sleep and then it's on to nighttime feedings for months and months!!!

38.5 Weeks

Less than 10 days to go, and I feel like I could not possibly get any bigger. There is no room left for this little guy to grow, but still, he's growing!!! I'm finally starting to feel very ready to have this baby. My back hurts, my hips hurt, I feel like my lungs are smushed. House is mostly clean (not sure if I have it in me to mop my floors again before giving birth -- maybe if I get REALLY desperate), hospital bag is packed, all four of us are VERY excited to meet this little man. The only problem is, since he didn't come this weekend, now he has to wait until NEXT weekend to come. Do you think he's getting the memo?

This week is really busy for Jon -- finals for school, a big three-day conference for work. Not to mention, weekends are much better for calling the grandparents to come and help!! I decided a few weeks ago that March 9th would be the perfect birthday for little Kellen. At the time, I wasn't sure he would hold out until then, but now I'm wondering if this baby is actually going to be LATE rather than early. Trying to trust in God's perfect timing ... he always has a way of coming through :)

No Girls Allowed ... Except in the Kitchen

Today was supposed to be my morning to sleep in. In reality, it's only 8:00 and I'm upstairs laying awake in bed. It took a while for the boys to get Jon out of bed ... A loud, noisy while.

Tanner just came in so excited:

"Mom, all the boys are going to see a movie today!"

"What?! What about me? Don't I get to go?"

"No, but you get to cook us lunch."

Awesome. Wondering if this will be my reality with three sons in the house.

March

Tanner's been asking me for a few days now when it was going to be "March." This morning, he was playing a game at the computer while I fixed breakfast.

Me: "Guess what, buddy ... "

Tanner: "What?"

Me: "Today is March!"

Tanner: (wish you could see the look of sheer joy and shock on his face) "Kellen's coming today?!!!"

Me: "Probably not today, buddy, but anytime ..."

These boys are so excited for the littlest guy to make his entrance -- they make it so much fun for me! Today was my weekly appt (38wks 2 days). I haven't made much progress since last week. Still 1-2 cm dilated, 60-70% effaced. No signs that this baby is in a hurry to arrive, which is quite alright with me. I'm still feeling relatively good, and am enjoying my huge ice cream sundaes every night without having to feel guilty about them just yet :) And also enjoying the calm before the storm -- my nerves about having a brand new baby to take care of are just starting to kick in. I feel like these last weeks are exhausting, mostly due to the anxiety of wondering EXACTLY when the baby will come, where will I be, how long will labor last, will our help be available, etc. Thank goodness I'm too tired at night once my head finally hits the pillow to lay awake worrying about it all! LOL!!

I'll keep you posted on any new developments!!