13 Weeks, 2 Days

Only a few more days until I officially hit the "second trimester" of my pregnancy. Do the first 14 weeks seem this long for everybody? For a few days, I was certain I had finally escaped the constant fatigue that has plagued me for the last 8 weeks, but I think nature was just teasing me. Hopefully this won't last much longer! It's not very conducive to getting my Christmas shopping finished! I guess I should just be happy that I'm not feeling sick.

I must confess that I feel like I'm in a very awkward stage of pregnancy right now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that I am pregnant and I am SO excited to be able to cuddle and love on my little sweet pea once he or she is born. I just feel awkward! I am having a really hard time right now watching my body change. I definitely haven't had the energy to work out as much as I used to. And I go back and forth between thinking "I'm pregnant, I'm just going to eat whatever I want for once and not worry about it" and "I don't want to be HUGE when it's all over an not be able to lose the weight." (The first thought is usually what wins out -- the second just makes me feel guilty!) I'm definitely not ready for maternity clothes yet, but my jeans are steadily getting tighter and tighter -- in all the wrong places like the butt and thighs. (HMMM -- it must be the dryer, right?) I know I just need to quit freaking out and ENJOY this time. I haven't even mentioned the mood swings yet. My goodness -- my poor husband! I started crying the other day in my car as I watched a fire truck pull up next to another car on post and help a mom and her little boy (who I think might have been choking). And don't even think about teasing me or joking with me -- that usually sets off the tear ducts as well.

Jon, on the other hand, is doing fantastic as an expectant father. He attended his first "Daddy Boot Camp" session last week, where they told him they thought he was going to be an awesome dad. I totally agree! I can't wait to see what he's like with a baby!

Other things ARE happening in my life right now besides growing a baby in my belly. I am HOME for Christmas and SO happy to be with family! (It is so good not to be working right now!) As always, it is wonderful to be home! I can't wait to see all of my extended family on Christmas Eve! I get to meet my cousin Carolyn's baby for the first time and I can't wait! Unil then, it will just be a lot of shopping, relaxing, baking, and laughing with my mom and sister.

In case I don't get around to posting again before the 25th,

Merry Christmas!

Change of Heart

Once again it's been a while since my last post. Almost a month! So much has happened! I was hesitating to post because I couldn't talk about the most exciting news -- it was still a secret. :)

Jon and I are expecting our first little one! I have known for a while now and couldn't wait to share the news. We just wanted to wait a little while to tell everyone! I am 11 weeks along and my due date is around June 25. We are just overwhelmed with excitement! Jon is just beside himself with happiness. He has even signed up for "Daddy Boot Camp" on post, which he starts tomorrow. Too funny! He has been quite the dream husband since he heard the news. I haven't touched the laundry or the dishes since the night I told him (I'll tell all about it in my next post)! I'm lovin' all this spoiling!

I feel really good. I haven't had any nausea or morning sickness, which worried me at first, but now I am extremely thankful! I've just been feeling unbelievably exhausted for the past 6 weeks. I didn't even think that kind of tiredness was possible. Things are getting a little better, though, and I'm starting to feel just a little bit more energized each day. The past 7 weeks since I found out have been incrediby long. It seems like the baby grows so slowly and I've been so anxious that everything is okay. The first few weeks of pregnancy are so wierd -- especially if you're not sick. I just kept thinking -- am I really pregnant because I don't feel pregnant! Yesterday was my first exam with the doctor and I feel 1000 times better. We got to hear the heartbeat and it sounds so nice and strong! It was so amazing to hear it! I couldn't help it -- the tears just came! What a miracle!

After thinking about this baby and how excited we are to watch it grow, Jon and I have had a change of heart about staying in the Army. We pretty much knew right away that Special Forces was out of the question, but were still planning to attend the career course at Fort Knox to see what other types of opportunities might open up while we were there. Well, after doing some research, we found out that the only "opportunity" would be to be sent directly to a deploying unit upon graduation from the course. YIKES!! So, to make a long story short, we will not be moving to Kentucky anymore and are now planning to get out of the Army. Jon is already starting his job search, which we are both excited about. It will be interesting to see what God has in store for us!

What's Goin' On...

Almost a month since my last blog -- I can't believe it! Life has been totally hectic.

Last month when I wrote, my student teacher was just getting ready to take over my classroom. The first three days were great. I was a little bored with nothing to do, but kind of liked it! On the third day, one of our other math teachers was forced to resign. While they are looking for a replacement, they asked me to take over all of her classes. Needless to say, it's been a lot of work and quite a stressful situation, since now I feel like I'm responsible for 240 kids instead of my normal 120. They have asked me to stay with her kids until Christmas break. So just a few more weeks....

Jon just returned from SFAS late Wednesday night. He did really well and was selected to do Special Forces. It looks like our next stop is Fort Knox, Kentucky, where Jon will attend Career Course. (I guess I'll have to change the title of my blog!) We're both pretty excited about the move since it's just 6 hours from home! We will be moving as soon as school school gets out for Christmas Break. Now if we can just sell our home! I told my principal and some members of the staff yesterday that I would be resigning. I was so nervous, but everyone was just wonderful and so supportive and understanding! I felt so bad since I knew they were already hurting looking for a math teacher, and now they will have 2 positions to fill before January. But nobody even seemed to give it a second thought -- they knew I was doing what's best for my family. What a relief!

It's so nice having Jon back again. He's so much fun and so funny! I just laugh and laugh! And he's been so sweet helping around the house and things like that. He is very excited about all that we have going on right now. He just found out that he gets to go to the Ohio State/Michigan game next weekend and is in heaven. I'm so happy for him! I'm going out of town next weekend, also. My mom and I are going down to Atlanta to help my little sister with her wedding planning. It's going to be so much fun!

Well, I'm off to clean the house. Our realtor is bringing someone by this afternoon. YAY!

Alone Again

How did that last few weeks fly by SO fast?? Jon left on Thursday for SF Selection. I think he was really excited, but very nervous. He was able to go down to Fort Bragg a few days early and spend some time with his best friend from college. Tomorrow he reports and then no communication until he's finished in November. It will be a long 4 weeks, but I'm sure I'll find a way to stay busy -- I'm pretty good at that! I'm anxious to just get this whole thing over with so we can have a better idea of what our next step is.

Since he's been gone, I've watched all of the shows I've TiVoed for the last few weeks while he's been watching non-stop ESPN (Grey's Anatomy, Dancing with the Stars, etc.). Kind of cool to have control of the remote again! Still, I would much rather give up my shows to have him home with me! We truly had SUCH a great time together while he was home! I was thinking today about how lucky I feel to have married such a great guy. He is just sooo funny and cute and he's always trying to do what's right and trying to make good decisions for our family. I can't believe the little twerp I started dating in high school actually grew up to be such a good man!

Friday night I stayed home to listen to my brother's football game on the radio. I love tuning in every week. I just about do a back handspring everytime I hear his name on a tackle or a sack. They won the game in the last 16 seconds, which will advance them to playoffs in a few weeks. I SO wish I could be there to watch him play again!

Last night I went out for my friend Annie's birthday. Once again, I drove home feeling so lucky to have such wonderful friends. God has been so good to me here at our first post -- blessing me with AMAZING friends, a job at an awesome school, the opportunity to take up yoga, and lots more. I just hope I'm able to make some new friends like this wherever we go next.

Tomorrow is the first day that my student teacher will be taking over EVERYTHING at school. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself! Of course, I have several large projects planned to work on, but it is just going to be so wierd going to school everyday and not teaching! His supervisor talked to me last time about leaving the room while he teaches, so I'm going to do my best to stay away most of the day. Wish me luck! I have such a hard time "letting go" of my classroom and my 125 babies!!

Congratulations!

My little sister is getting married!!!

Congratulations, Lauren and Daniel, on your engagement!!! I'm SOOOO happy for you!

63 Things You Never Cared to Know About Me ...

I love these things. :)

1) How old do you wish you were? I loved 25! As soon as I turned 26, I started feeling like 30 was right around the corner!

2) Where were you when 9-11 happened? I was in college making up a test for Linear Algebra in the Math Department offices. I remember hearing bits and pieces of people talking outside and wondering what they were talking about. As soon as I got to my car afterwards, I called my mom and found out what was going on. I don't think I really understood how bad it was until I got home and saw the live TV coverage.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Usually, I just sigh in resignation and put some more money in ... what a sucker!


4) Do you consider yourself kind? Yes, but I definitely have my moments ...


5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Or if you have a tattoo, where and what is it? I don’t have one. Anytime I get any little bit of a desire for one, I think of being a grandma one day and saying, "Hey, kiddies, come on over here and see Grandma's tattoo!" That pretty much squelches it!


6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? Hmmm, that's a good one! I guess I would choose Spanish since it's becoming so prevalent in our country.

7) Do you know your neighbors? No -- isn't that so sad?!

8) What do you consider a vacation? Sitting on a beach somewhere with a margarita and a book.

9) Do you follow your horoscope? I RARELY read it -- it makes me feel guilty!

10) Would you move for the person you loved? OF COURSE!!

11) Are you touchy feely? Yep, but nothing compared to my husband! He hugs EVERYONE!!

12) Do you believe that opposites attract? I think you have to have a few opposite characteristics, but I don't see how it would work out if you were opposite in every way.

13) Dream job? Don't laugh -- I've always wanted to be a school secretary!

14) Favorite channel(s)? ABC, Food Channel, WE

15) Favorite place to go on weekends? Out to dinner and the movies!

16) Showers or Baths? Baths. I would take one everyday if I could. :)

17) Do you paint your nails? Toenails always. I wish I was better about my fingernails.

18) Do you trust people easily? Too easily.

19) What are your phobias? Getting Hurt

20) Do you want kids? Yes! I can’t wait to me a mom!

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? I've definitely started a few -- but they usually last for about a week, and then I forget about them.

22) Where would you rather be right now? At home on my dad's boat with my family and Jon.

23) What makes you feel warm and safe? Snuggling up next to Jon in bed at night.

24) Heavy or light sleeper? Light -- I wake up to the first beep of my alarm.

25) Are you paranoid? No, not really.

26) Are you impatient? No, I think I'm pretty patient. I think it comes from working with middle schoolers. I've also had a lot of practice with it after being with Jon for so long -- he is ALWAYS late!

27) Who can you relate to? I think I relate best with my mom and sisters. I'd like to think that I relate to my middle schoolers pretty well, too.

28) How do you feel about interracial couples? I honestly don't give it a second thought. No big deal.

29) Have you been burned by love? Not that I can remember.

30) What's your life motto? I hate these kinds of questions. I guess "Do Unto Others ..."

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile? Fur Elise. It's so funny -- Jon has been carrying my phone around since he got home, and it's such a girly ring!

32) What were you doing at midnight last night? Setting up for the "Garage Giveaway"

33) Who was your last text message from? I'm so old-school. I have no idea how to text someone or even receive text messages!

34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night? Ooh -- that's a wierd question! My own of course!

35) What color shirt are you wearing? Aqua

36) What are you listening to right now? ESPN College Game Day

37) Name three things you have on you at all times? Wedding rings, my ugly sports watch, a hair tie

38) What color are your bed sheets? Ivory

39) How much cash do you have on you right now? Like $2

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken? Umm ... the breast?

41) Whats your fav city/place? I love the town where I grew up!

42) I can't wait till . . . We go home for Christmas and I can spend time with my sisters!!

43) Who got you to set up a blog? I was totally inspired by Berndt Family News, Learning to Live, CaliValley Girl, and Trying to Grok

44) What did you have for dinner last night? The new DiGiorno's Garlic Bread Pizza -- not as good as the regular by the way.

46) Have you ever smoked? Like twice, yuck.

47) Do you own a gun? Negative

48) Tea or Coffee? Depends -- if lattes count, I'll take the coffee. Otherwise, I'll have the tea -- Passion tea at Starbucks is my favorite!

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? According to my husband's comment last week, I guess it's my big boobs!

50) Do you have A.D.D.? No. I'm a completely focused control freak. Just ask my student teacher -- poor guy!

51) What time did you wake up today? 7:30 AM. Usually, it's 4:45, though!

52) Current worry? Too many to put on here…

53) Current want? An extra day in my weekend

54) Favorite place to be? On a date with Jon.

55) Where would you like to travel in the future? Europe. For an extended period of time.

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? Hopefully, we'll be parents and living a little closer to home. I would love to be a stay at home mom!

57) Last thing you ate? Frozen Mint Thins

58) What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever is playing on our little iPod stereo.

59) Last person that made you laugh? Probably Jon.

60) Worst injury you've ever had? Sprained my ankle pretty bad during the spring season of my sophomore year in college.

61) Does someone have a crush on you? Hopefully Jon!

62) What is your favorite candy? Do I have to pick just one! Probably Hot Tomales or Hershey Kisses with Almonds

63) What song do you want played at your funeral? Blessed Assurance -- the Third Day version

Bittersweet

Well -- today was the big day. The Garage Sale. Or more appropriately -- the Garage Giveaway. We actually did really well -- making almost $200 by 10:00. By 11:30, we decided to sell everything for $0.25 since Jon was getting tired of sitting there and business was slowing. Right now, Jon's taking all of our leftovers to Goodwill. The garage is clean, and the sale is over. Thank goodness. Now it's time to start getting ready for next week's Open House. We've had a few people come and look, but no bites yet. That's okay. We're not in a hurry I guess.

Nothing much has happened this week. We went to see a movie on Tuesday night. (I felt like such a rebel since it was a school night!) We saw "All the King's Men." It was SOOO bad! What a disappointment! The previews looked so good! Jon is still training pretty hard for selection. He works out four times a day -- it's insane! Hopefully, he'll feel prepared once he gets down there. I know it's been hard for him getting back in the swing of things after such a long 9 months away.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it will mean if we really do have to move this Christmas. I will REALLY miss my friends here, our house, the mountains, etc. But the thing that worries me most is how I'll say goodbye to my kids in the middle of the year. I think about it everyday on the way to school and it makes me so sad! I've been so lucky to have such sweet kids 2 years in a row! I know they'll move on anyways at the end of the year, but it just feels so different being the one that leaves them. I guess I'll cross that bridge once it comes. Jon keeps bringing up how hard he thinks it will be for me to leave. Since I already know it will be hard, this only makes things worse. At the same time, though, I do look forward to the adventures life will hold the next place we go. Gosh! What a worrywart -- I always have to be worrying about something, don't I?

What's Going On

Jon and I have slowly settled into the routine of living together again. I have to be honest, it took a little time. I think Jon forgot about the long hours that I work in the beginning of the school year. Things are good now, though. Jon is staying really busy during the week physically preparing for selection. I only have about a week left of coaching, so my days will start to get a lot shorter -- home by 6:30 instead of 8:00. :)

It is amazing having him home again. Last night I looked over at him as we were falling asleep and couldn't believe that he was really there! It's almost like a dream. I just kept thinking about all those nights when he was gone that I would look over at his side of the bed and see it empty. I missed him so much! However, I didn't miss him hogging the covers and most of the bed. I'm still trying to get used to that!

We put our townhome up for sale earlier this week. If Jon gets selected for SF, we will most likely be moving in Dec/Jan. The housing market isn't very good here right now, so we thought we'd try and get a head start on selling. We figure that if something happens and we sell our home, but don't end up leaving Fort Carson, we'll just rent an apartment for our last few months here. The thought of moving is very bittersweet for me. It's exciting to think about moving on with our lives and starting a new adventure. But it will be really hard to leave my friends here and also the job that I love. I'm sure lots of Army wives feel this way. I haven't said anything to my principal yet about the possibility of us moving. It makes me REALLY nervous -- I don't want to let her down! I always thought I would just finish out the school year and meet up with Jon wherever he moved if something like this happened. But after two deployments, I think the best thing for our marraige would be for us to be together! Hopefully we'll know something more definite by the second week in November, when Jon returns from selection. That should give my boss a good amount of time to find someone to take my place. And there's also the possibility that none of these plans we've made will ever come to fruition -- I mean, it's the ARMY we're talking about! :)

Jon decided that he wants to have a garage sale next weekend. I think this is a great idea -- we definitely have a few things to get rid of, and he volunteered to get the whole thing ready and even work it. However, he goes through these phases where he wants to sell almost everything we own! Yesterday, he literally made me go through ALL of my belongings and decide what I could stand to part with. Now, you have to understand that I come from a family of keepers (it sounds so much nicer than "packrat"). Jon came from a family where they only keep the stuff they use regularly. Basically, I had to fight to keep everything that I still posess. I was in practically tears explaining to him that someday we will have a formal dining room and use all of the beautiful china and serving pieces we got for wedding gifts. He even asked about whether or not to sell our coffee tables! Of course, everything worked out. I did clean a lot of stuff out of the guest room closet that I really didn't need to hold on to. I guess we're a good match. If it was up to Jon, our house would be bare. If things were left to me, it would probably be extremely cluttered!

Not much else is going on. I'm on my way to Starbucks to grade papers. Seriously -- is there anything better than sitting at Starbucks or Borders on a Sunday afternoon?

Too Funny ...

Today on the way home from church, I asked Jon to tell me the reasons why he married me. His response was:

"Big Boobs, you're a good Christian, you want to be a mom, you're smart ... and those are in order of priority."

Such a deep thinker! Thought you might be able to use a good laugh! :)

Time Flies

Has it really been more than two weeks since my soldier came home? The time has just flown! I feel very lucky that he is not going back anytime soon. He will be home with me until he leaves for SF Selection on October 12. I'm so relieved that this is not just R&R and I don't have to say goodbye again so soon.

We spent our first weekend together in Denver. We got a hotel room for the weekend and just enjoyed being away together. We just walked around, ate great food, watched football, and enjoyed the hot tub. It was so nice. Last weekend, we went home to Michigan. That was nice, too, but not nearly as relaxing! It was actually very stressful. Both of our families live in the same town, so trying to keep everyone happy (including ourselves) turned out to be quite tricky! The highlight of the weekend was probably watching my little brother play football on Friday night. Too fun -- his girlfriend was there watching with his number painted on her cheek. It totally brought back memories of when I used to watch Jon play when we were in high school! We are both completely shocked that the past 10 years together has gone by so fast! It doesn't seem like we're old enough to say we've been together that long!

We could just still be in a bit of a honeymoon period, but I have to say, I am more in love with my husband than ever. I LOVE having him home! He has been sweeter than ever, so cuddly, and always happy to see me when I come home from work. We spent all day today watching college football -- Jon's all-time favorite thing to do. We really had a blast cheering, laughing, and comparing our picks for this week's top 25 teams. (That is, until we watched Army lose to Texas A&M in the last 20 seconds of the game -- what a heartbreaker!)

School has been pretty stressful. I can't quite put my finger on why that is. My student teacher is doing a great job and my kids are wonderful. Maybe I'm just a little overwhelmed. We're in the middle of volleyball season, and coaching after school is always the last thing I feel like doing. Plus, it seems like one thing after another just keeps coming up that we are responsible for as teachers. It's like I could stay at work until 10:00 every night and still not get everything done. And no matter what, I think as a teacher you always feel like you could be doing more. That whatever you are doing to help kids just isn't enough. When I look back, though, every September I feel overwhelmed like this. I'm sure it doesn't help that I'd rather be home with my husband!

I think that Jon is still adjusting to being home. He has said a million times that he is so glad to be back. But I can tell that he misses his soldiers and feels guilty for coming home a little early to attend selection. He starts training this week, though, so hopefully being busy and having a goal to work towards will make him feel better. I just can't say enough how good it feels to have him home. I am so in love with him!

One of these days, I need to change my blog template and the summary at the top. If only I had the time right now...

Pics from the Homecoming

The Dress

Our First Hug

One More Photo Before We Leave The Gate

(If you look really close, you can see a tear coming down my cheek)

He's Home!!

He's home! My sweet boy is finally home! How can I explain what the butterflies were like as I drove myself to the airport to meet him? How can I even begin to put in words the way I feel about having him so near that I can touch him or kiss him whenever my heart desires? I'll do my best, but I know I won't do it justice.

Yesterday was a long day. The first half of the day was business as usual. My alarm went off at 4:45, signaling it was time to get up and make my way to the gym before work. I was surprisingly calm and didn't jump out of bed like I thought I would, considering the excitement that lay ahead of me. I guess I knew I had a lot to do before I would get to that point in my day. I only took a half day of work, but ended up staying about an hour later than I had planned -- helping my student teacher and making sure that everything was organized for today since I wouldn't be there. I've missed teaching several of my afternoon classes this week due to different committee meetings and such. I hadn't seen my fifth hour in a few days. As I was leaving, they started to complain ... "Mrs. H, you're leaving us again??" I told them I was going to pick up my husband from the airport in a few hours and they all cheered for me and gave me pointers (most of my kids have welcomed home parents from Iraq in the past few years). They were all smiles as I left, and I was already crying as I made my way down to the office to sign out -- tears of joy and excitement, of course! Those poor school secretaries -- I've made them cry TWICE in the past two days -- once when I announced my husband would be coming home the next day, and then again as I signed out to go and pick him up.

True to form, I left way too much to do before I could leave to go and pick him up. I still had to clean the bathrooms, vacuum, put gas in my car, pick up some Coronas for the fridge, and make myself beautiful -- and that extra hour I spent at school really cut into my preparation time! I ended up getting everything done, but was in a rush to get to the airport. As I drove there I was completely out of it. All I could think was how unbelievable it was that I was actually PICKING UP my husband! As soon as I got to the airport, I went to the counter to get a boarding pass. I could barely talk because I knew as soon as I said two sentences the tears would just start falling. Luckily, all it took was one -- "I'm here to pick up my husband." The old man at the counter knew exactly what I meant and was so sweet. He got me all ready to go and sent me off with good wishes.

As I walked around the corner from the ticket counter and saw the line to get through security, my stomach dropped. It was a mile long! I wanted to just sit down and cry right there -- I was sure I would miss seeing him come through the gate as he got off his flight. Finally, I made it to the front of the line, put my purse through the x-ray machine and walked through the metal detector. Of course, my purse was taken and inspected. Tears started coming -- I couldn't help it. The guy didn't seem to understand my dilemma and was taking his own sweet time doing the test for explosives and examining every tube of lipstick in my purse until he found a tube of lip gloss that he had to confiscate, which was really sad because I wasn't even getting on a plane. Whatever. I wanted to tell him to take the whole damn purse and just let me go!

Finally, I was allowed to leave and walked as fast as I could in my new black heels until I found the gate for American Airlines. Lots of people were already getting off the plane and I asked a man coming through which flight he was on. This was it! I quickly found a lady doing a crossword puzzle and tearfully asked her in jumbled words if she would take a picture of my husband and I when he got off. I'm sure I freaked her out a little at first, but she stood up with a smile and said that she would be happy to. Literally 30 seconds later, I saw my husband's boots coming up the jetway -- not his body, just the lower part of his legs -- the rest was hidden from view since there were others in front of him. I knew right away it was him -- his feet always turn in a little when he's tired. All I could do when I saw him was walk forward with my arms outstretched until he grabbed me. I couldn't believe it. It was really him. It felt like a dream. I was sure I would wake up any second. I just held onto him for about a minute and let the tears fall. It had been such a long 9 months!

As we walked out of the gate area and down to baggage claim, I was surprised at how little my husband had changed. He was the same old Jon with the twinkly eyes, sweet kisses, and passion for life -- his muscles were just a little bigger. From the time we left the airport to the time we fell asleep last night, I literally drank in all of the stories he had about Iraq. Over the past nine months, he has told me little to nothing about his life there. I come from a family of Nosy Nellies, so this was very hard for me! I am LOVING getting to know him again and finding out that not much has changed about him. We spent our first day sleeping in and then doing some shopping. Tonight we're going out on our first date -- the movies!

As I take all of this in, I keep thinking back to what CaliValley Girl said when she was reunited with her soldier.

And it's true...after the whole hoopla, you get home, sit on the sofa and chit chat about the most normal things, and realize that nothing has changed. It was like he never left.

I'm so excited for our next few weeks together before he has to leave again for SFAS. I love having my best friend home again!

I'll post some pics as soon as I can get blogger to download them! :)

Tomorrow ...

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, Tomorrow! You're Only a Day Away!

I got the call last night. Jon will be home in less than 24 hours. I'm feeling strangely calm. :)

Just Breathe

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Thank goodness for yoga. Otherwise, I'm sure I wouldn't have taken a single breath since last weekend. My stomach is constantly in flip-flop mode. My chest has this tight, anxious feeling. (Which is actually working out to be the perfect appetite suppressant -- I may look pretty good in all that new lingerie after all!) I constantly have tears behind my eyes, ready to fall anytime I hear or see something emotional. My husband is coming home THIS WEEK!!!!!!! Oh. My. God. Is this really for real? He should be leaving Iraq Tuesday and then be home by the end of the week. I'm just DYING of excitement!

I've spent the entire weekend trying to get the house ready for him. It's almost like having a guest come to stay -- too funny! I even cleaned my blinds and vacuumed around the baseboards. It is so wierd to look over at his side of the bed and know that he will be there by this time next week! It makes me very excited, but also a little nervous. I know from experience that it takes a while to adjust to each other again. But it's oh so worth it!

Right now, I'm at school trying to get things ready for the week. But I'm so anxious that I can't get anything done. School is still going really well. I honestly love coming to work everyday. My student teacher is doing a great job and will be starting to take more responsibility soon, which is great for me! The hardest part is knowing that we could possibly move before the end of the school year if Jon decides to stick with the Army. I love my kids and my school, and it would be REALLY hard to leave them without finishing the year, but after being away from my husband so much during the past 3.5 years, I think it would be the right choice.

I'll keep you updated on the welcome home. Hopefully I'll even have a few pictures to post soon!

Decision #1

So I got news today that my husband has made the first decision in deciding on some possibilities for our future. He is going to go to Special Forces Selection this October. On one hand, I'm really nervous about this -- I'm still not sure about the whole SF lifestyle. On the other hand, I'm really excited for him! This means that when he comes home, he will have a few weeks to train up and then be leaving again for about 30 days to try out for SF. So anyways, one decision down!

I just got home from dinner with my friends. They have officially approved the "Coming Home" dress. And I thought my wedding dress was important -- The "Coming Home" dress is what I'll be wearing the first time he's seen me in 9 months! Oh the pressure! I can't wait!

School is going well. I can't believe we've only been in class for 5 days! It has seemed so much longer! I'm exhausted! Everything with my student teacher is going well. Thank you Heidi, for reminding me to just let go of some of my control issues and give this person a chance to LEARN how to be a teacher. It has given me a whole new attitude and perspective about it all. Two more days until the weekend .... :)

School Is Now In Session!

Yes, you read that correctly. I have just finished Day 2 of school. I am exhausted -- completely not used to speaking in my "teacher voice" for 7 hours a day and constantly "performing" in front of students. Oh yeah, and my feet are KILLING me -- they are used to flip-flops, not heels!

Despite all of this, I am LOVING my kiddos! I feel so lucky to have looped with my students from last year. We are literally picking up right where we left off. They have been completely angelic so far and all smiles as they come to class each day. I'm so glad we've had a great first few days -- what a relief! All those recurring nightmares for nothing! I think having a student teacher will be my biggest challenge in the coming months. It's hard to turn over your students and your classroom to someone else! Especially me, because I'm completely organized and anal when it comes to my job. I like everything a certain way. I'm praying for lots of patience and flexibility! Oh yeah, and a little bit of wisdom to share with this person, too!

Only about 2.5 more weeks until Jon is home! The days couldn't possibly go by any slower. I AM SO EXCITED!!!

Tears at the PX

Before I go into complaining mode here, I have to talk about some positives.

1) My husband should be leaving to come home for R&R in 3 weeks! YAY!! Can I just tell you that I'm SOOOOOO excited and SOOO nervous to see him! I just bought the dress that I am going to wear when I pick him up at the airport and I feel like a gazillion bucks in it. What a relief. Now if I could just find some sexy lingerie that makes me feel the same way ...

2) School starts Thursday and I am so looking forward to seeing my kiddos! I just got my class lists and I had the majority of the students last year also. I am so lucky! I have really enjoyed being back at work, visiting with coworkers and getting everything ready for my students. Let's just hope I'm not singing a different tune after two weeks!

Okay, time for a little complaining. I just finished reading Daily Dentes and I feel like she is reading my mind about "Life on the D-List." I pretty much feel like everyone around here is over the collective feelings of patriotism and pride that this community had at the start of OIF. It's like no one cares if your husband is in the military, or even deployed for that matter. The first deployment was SOOO different. The spouses and community really pulled together and made life for those left behind bearable. We had coffees once a month, with other get-togethers in-between. (I know some wives don't agree with the whole "Coffee" concept, but I'm not picky -- I'll take friendship and support wherever I can get it.) There were tons of great activities planned on post. The Army and Fort Carson really made us spouses feel like we were part of something important -- that our roles as spouses left behind were vital to the success of our soldiers and our way of serving our country. I feel completely different now. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so bitter about this deployment and the Army in general.

On Saturday, I went to the PX to return an External Hard Drive. Since my husband was moving from one FOB to another, he wanted to save the information he had been working with, and so asked me to send him one. I bought it for about $120 at the PX and sent it in June. When Jon got it, he noticed that it had already been used before and had someone else's information already downloaded onto it. He mailed it back to me while I was in Michigan. So I really didn't think it was going to be a problem to return it. I mean, the worst they could do was give me store credit, right? I had the receipt and everything.

Boy, was I wrong. Turns out, the PX has a 15 day return policy on all computer hardware and software. Completely understandable. However, I asked to talk to the manager. I explained to her that there was no way I could have returned the item in 15 days because I sent it to my husband, who was deployed in Iraq. Plus, it was already used by someone else, and I felt like they had sold me a DEFECTIVE product. At first, she acted like she really didn't care and that there was nothing she could do. I continued to plead my case, getting very frustrated at her lack of understanding or even compassion. Then she started acting like my attempt at returning the item was suspicious. I couldn't help it -- the tears just came. You know when you are trying so hard not to cry and they just come anyways, and they won't stop? That was what happened! I was so angry and embarrassed. I thought that if any store would understand this situation, it would be the PX! Plus, I was wondering what I was going to do with a $120 hard drive that didn't even work right. After I started crying, she got a little flustered and decided to give me a store credit. As soon as I got the receipt, I walked out to my car and just sat there and sobbed.

I was so angry that I even had to go through that. I was so frustrated that my husband has been gone for so long and nobody even CARES around here! I was so OVER the Army. I kind of still am ...

First Day Jitters

Right now I'm excited to start a new school year just so that I can get some sleep again. I'm usually a good sleeper -- I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, stay in the same position all night, and awake in a bed that hardly needs to be made. My sisters have even accused me of having narcolepsy because I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. Lately, though, I've just had a terrible time falling asleep. I have 50 million details running through my mind about starting school in two weeks. Then, when I finally do fall asleep, I have one of two recurring nightmares:

1) My kids walk in the first day of school and I have nothing planned. I am completely unprepared.

2) My kids won't listen to anything I say. They won't follow directions and I'm in front of the class screaming at them. The class is out of control.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that my student teacher is in the back of the room observing me in both nightmares? (I did inform you all that I will be having a student teacher this year, right?)

I also must add that neither of these scenarios have ever actually happened in real life. What's with the nerves? I've definitely had them prior to the start of school for the past three years, but do they ever go away? Let's hope so!

Despite the nerves, I'm actually getting pretty excited to start working again. I'll have the same kids this year as last year (I loved them!). I love my school, my administration, and my coworkers. I'm looking forward to feeling "productive" again at the end of the day. And the icing on top of the cake is that my hubby will be coming home just four weeks after school starts! I CAN'T WAIT!!

Wine Tasting

My younger sister, Lauren, and her boyfriend were here visiting last week. On Friday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful vineyards around us and travel around to some local wineries to do a little wine-tasting. We live in the middle of Southwest Michigan's "Wine Trail" and so visited Lemon Creek Winery, Domaine Winery, The Round Barn Winery, and Tabor Hill Winery. It was too fun! I tried to be a grown-up wine drinker and try all of the reds, but if there's one thing I learned, it's that I just don't like 'em! My favorites were the sparkling wines, the Demi-Secs, and a special Cranberry Wine from The Round Barn. I'm excited to take Jon for some tasting when he's home for R and R. I just kept thinking how much he would love it!

Coming to an End

I can't believe it.

I'm going back home in only 11 days. My summer is quickly coming to an end. I've been trying to just soak up every single moment of time spent with my loved ones before I go back to my empty house. I feel like a little kid getting ready to take a bath. They don't want to get in, but once they're in they don't want to get out! When I first came home, I was nervous about getting bored and annoyed with my family. But it's been so much fun that now I don't want to leave!

Ahhhh ... well. Jon and I will be coming back to visit while he is on leave in September. I guess that's not so long, right? I'm very excited for Jon to come home. I am a little nervous, though. I don't want to say goodbye to him again once he's home!

The last week has been quite busy and a lot of fun. My sister, Lauren, is here visiting for 10 days. We went to Chicago last Friday and had Uno's pizza and caught a show at The Second City (a comedy club with sketches similar to SNL). On Saturday, we spent the entire day on the boat -- fishing, wakeboarding, and tubing. Then, on Sunday, all of us girls went to spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa's. On Tuesday, I went to visit two of my close friends who used to live at Fort Carson. What a blessing -- but oh how I miss them!

I'm so glad I decided to visit my family for the summer! I just wish that it hadn't gone by so fast!

Good News

Oh yeah! We did get some good news the other day -- Jon will be coming home in about 2 months for some R&R. I CANNOT WAIT to see him!

Inspiration

I can't stop thinking (and worrying, and crying) about the upcoming decision we have to make about whether or not to stay in the Army. Originally, Jon said that he wanted to either try Special Forces or get out. Now, he is bringing some other options to the table -- other options within the Army, that is. Frankly, we are a little overwhelmed! I think that I pray at least 10 times each day that the Lord will make the right path clear to us. I think that deep down in my gut, I feel like the right thing to do would be to stay in the Army. I wonder if this feeling is from the Lord? On the other hand, I also feel like I know what we should do, but I don't want to do it. Like I know it will be hard, so I'm fighting it. And round and round we go ...

It's hard to explain. During the day, I just feel certain that Jon should stay in and that I CAN DO IT as a military wife. I feel like God is calling us to this, and I want to be able to step up to the plate and be the strong military wife and mother that He wants me to be. But then at night I change my mind! Especially when I talk to Jon in the middle of the night. He talks about staying in and right away I get a kind of sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What does all of this mean?

There are two songs I've been listening to on my iPod lately. They are so inspirational to me, so I thought I'd share. :)

IF YOU WANT ME TO by Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken, and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise you're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering you're love put you through
And I will go through the valley if you want me to


PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM by Casting Crowns
I was sure by now,
God, you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away ...
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
And it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you and raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on if I can't find you?

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of heaven and earth

Blessed

The girls in my family (me included) have always had a "fat" complex. We are all normal sized, athletic-looking women -- far from obese, but nowhere near twiggy. We are constantly saying to one another that we need to go on a diet, lose weight, "I'm such a cow!" etc. etc. You get the point. My mom usually joins in these little sessions, but always ends by saying -- "You know what? We could be really sick with cancer or be paralyzed or something like that. We should be thankful for the healthy bodies that God has given us. No more complaining!"

I used to work out because I wanted to be ready for whatever sport I was playing. It was easy to be motivated when I had a goal in mind. However, there are times in your life when your only goal for exercise is to stay in shape or to keep from gaining weight. These are the times when it's hard to be motivated and you sometimes dread working out. Last night, I was at the YMCA at the Step Aerobics class that my sister and I signed up for this summer. I used to love Step, but for some reason, I abhor going to this class every Monday and Wednesday. Maybe it's because our teacher is SOOOO BORING -- I don't know. Anyways, here I was, thinking I would rather be anywhere in the world than jumping around on this step when I saw something that made me stop and think.

There was a man in a wheelchair just coming in to the gym. He had no legs -- just a torso that was probably cut off just below his belly button. He would ride his wheelchair around the track twice, then stop for water, then do it again, etc. I was sickened by how selfish I was, by how instead of praising God for the blessing of being able to move around as I please and jump up and down on this step, I had been complaining about having to exercise. I thought about how I feel sometimes when I drive by a really nice house and I think "Do those people know how lucky they are? What must that be like?" You know when you see something that you just really wish that you had, but you know it will never happen? That must be how this man felt watching us in the aerobics room. Did we know how lucky we were?

How did I get so lucky to have a healthy body, free from disease or disability? That could have easily been me in that wheelchair. For this simple reason, I am so blessed.

Fourth of July Fun

Despite the fact that my hunky husband wasn't home to snuggle with me during fireworks, I had a really good Fourth of July! Actually, in the ten years we've been a couple, I think we've only spent this holiday together twice! YIKES!! Of course, I thought about my soldier all day and my heart swelled with pride knowing that he is doing such a good job serving our great country. :)

Every year, our city has a fireworks display on the beach. I've watched this many times from the sand, but this year was the first time I've watched it from the water. It was AWESOME!!! On July 3, we took the boat out around 8:30 and entertained ourselves on the lake with pizza and Euker until the fireworks started at 10:45. I went with my mom, dad, brother, and some of his friends. We were a little paranoid about taking the boat out after hearing from my brother-in-law that it took him 7hours to get back to the docks the last time he went. However, we were very lucky and ended up being the first boat in line on the river back to our dock. Everything was going great until we started to park in our boat-slip. Something happened and our engines went out and we couldn't get it started again! Here we were, blocking the river and being pushed back downstream and into other boats!!! Luckily, we flagged someone down who was able to tow us back to our slip and all was well. WHEW!!! That could have ended up badly!

The next morning, July 4, I went to a little Amish town in Indiana with my in-laws. The town is called "Shipshewana" and has a big flea market. We shopped around the market for a little while, then went and had lunch at an Amish restaurant on the way back. I LOVED seeing all of the Amish people. The little kids, especially, are SOOOO CUTE in their little bonnets and black hats! All I could think about was a series I read about an Amish family by Beverly Lewis (The Covenant, The Betrayal, The Sacrifice, The Prodigal, The Revelation) I SO Enjoyed reading this about a family who delighted in one another so much! They are Christian fiction and left me with such a warm feeling in my heart!

Anyways, after spending the morning in Shipshewana, I came home and spent the rest of the afternoon with my mom, sister, and my sweet sweet Grandma! My dad went fishing with Grandpa and my father-in-law. In the evening, everyone met back at my house for a cookout. What fun!

Don't be Misled By My Blog ...

Just FYI ... I do have a life outside of watching television! :)

24

Early last week, my mom and I were bored and looking for a new movie to watch. We ended up borrowing the first season of 24 from a friend. I just have to say ... it's completely addicting! I loved it! If you are looking for a good show that you and your spouse can both enjoy, give it a try! I can't wait to start season 2, although it is severely cutting into my reading time! :)

Pick on Someone Your Own Size!

Last night, I watched America Has Talent for the first time. It is a new show, much like American Idol, which has several different individuals/groups competing in a "talent show" where the winner receives a million dollars. Although I thought some of the acts were pretty good, I was appalled when a woman got on stage dressed as Snow White and then proceded to STRIP down to a sequined bra and teeeeensy weeeeensy panties. I guess her talent was exotic dancing? Come on! There are KIDS watching this show! Of course, since the judging panel consisted of two men and only one woman, Miss Snow White was advanced to the next round. And that's not even the worst part. At the end of the show, they showed a few seconds of other performances who also made it into the next round, but didn't get put on the show. They put A STRIPPER on television instead of a boy playing his violin or a group of young teens dancing. UGGH!

Still, what bothered me the most had nothing to do with the stripper. The very last act was an eleven-year old little red-head girl who literally blew everyone's socks off. Her name was Bianca Ryan and she was AWESOME!! The first two judges stood and applauded, then gave her lots of much-deserved praise. Then it was time for the third judge -- the "Simon Cowell" of the panel. He started by telling her she needed to change her hair, get a new dress, and some new shoes. After that he told her she was good. I seriously wanted to cry for that little girl. Imagine how excited she was when she got ready to go on the show! I'm sure she and her parents spent DAYS deciding what she would wear, went out and bought her a new outfit, and assured her that she looked dazzlingly beautiful before she went out on stage. She looked completely appropriate for a girl of her age, but I guess since she wasn't dressed as sexy or flashy as Snow White, Mr. Cowell-Guy thought it was okay to make fun of her on national television! What message does that send to every pre-teen girl in America? I'm so disgusted!

Torn

Earlier this month, we began the last year of our committment to the Army. Last year at this time, we were sure that we'd be staying in -- if not for 20 years, at least long enough for Jon to get his master's degree and possibly teach somewhere. However, since then our thoughts about staying in have changed a lot. We are honestly torn about whether we should stay in the Army or join the civilian world. It is SUCH a hard decision -- especially because we are looking at two opposite ends of the military spectrum -- getting out or trying for Special Forces.

I have been trying to just leave the decision up to Jon, and let him know that I will support him either way. We both trust that the Lord will guide us to where we're supposed to be. This doesn't mean I don't think about it every day, though! Each day, I go back and forth about what I think we should do. Selfishly, I often find myself wanting him home with me and out of harm's way forever. I want him to be able to enjoy being a father who is always home with his kids -- sometimes the thought of being a single mother scares me. Of course, when I talk to anyone in my family about this, they nod their heads adamantly and say that the best thing for our family would be for Jon to get out of the Army.

But then I find myself looking at the whole thing from a different perspective. When I look at the job description for Special Forces, I feel like it perfectly describes my husband. He LOVES that kind of stuff! The more challenging and impossible a task is, the more he enjoys it. He loves the physical part of his job. He thrives on the responsiblity of leading people and the bonds he creates with his soldiers. I know that Jon would try for special for Special Forces without even a second thought if he was still a single soldier. My biggest fear is that if we do decide to get out, Jon will look back in 10 years and say, "I wish I would've ... ." I know that our first priority should be our family -- and that the healthiest families probably have both parents around most of the time. However, I also believe that some people have a higher calling, and are called to make sacrifices in order to make a difference in this world. After all, our country was founded and developed by men and women who had the courage to make these sacrifices.

Anyways, as I was talking to Jon last night, I told him that I wish we could talk with a Special Forces family to see what advice they would have for us. Like ... What is life really like for an SF family? Would you make the same decision all over again? How do your kids adjust? If there are any SF families out there who have any words of wisdom, I would love to hear from you! And those of you who have already made the decision to stay in or get out -- what are some of the different things you considered?

Like I said, we completely trust that the Lord will show us just where we're supposed to be! And I know we'll end up happy either way. We have plenty of time to decide, we're just a little torn right now!

Update

Okay, so I want to have another wedding. To the same groom, of course. I just want to pick out a new dress, a new cake, new flowers, new bridesmaids' dresses, etc. Don't get me wrong -- I LOVED my wedding. I just want all of the excitement of another one!

This last weekend, I got to visit my friend Ally in Fort Worth. We were roommates and teammates all four years of college and she recently got engaged. While I was visiting, we spent lots of time looking for a wedding dress, looking at invitations, and browsing through wedding magazines. HOW FUN!! It was kind of like we just shopped all weekend, but didn't spend any money. :) (My husband is LOVING reading this right now!) I also got to spend some time with my Aunt MK (my mom's sister) and her family. She has a new grandson that my cousin and his wife adopted from Russia last fall and I got to meet him for the first time -- he was soooo cute! It was just such a great weekend, I didn't want it to end!

I really love the Fort Worth/Dallas Metroplex and think it would be a great place to live. I lived there for 4 years while I was in college. However, I was reminded of something on my visit. I have been so used to life in Colorado Springs, where money doesn't seem to be a huge priority for people. Sure, some of my friends are into clothes -- but we splurge by going to Target or TJ MAXX, not Prada or Nieman Marcus (I probably even spelled it wrong!). Maybe I'm just uber-sensitive, but I'd forgotten how everything is such a show there. The pressure of "doing well" and appearing "perfect" is kind of overwhelming. Kind of makes me scared to live there again some day -- Jon and I had talked about that as a possibility. Who knows? Just some observations ...

For right now, I'm PERFECTLY happy in Michigan. Yes, I'm a little bit bored. BUT, I'm spending almost every day at the beach, picking strawberries at the farm down the road, walking with my mom every night, and spending lots of QT with the people I love most (minus my hubby, of course)! My mom has a wonderful way of "filling my bucket" -- making me feel loved and important. I am so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful family as I realize more and more that many people aren't so fortunate.

The Break-Up

I just got back from seeing The Break-Up with my mom and sister. It is one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. REALLY FUNNY -- Maybe just because Vince Vaughn's character reminds me so much of my husband in so many ways. I'll have to be sure to watch it with him when he gets home so that we can both laugh about it!

Book Review: The Kitchen Boy

I just finished my first summer read, The Kitchen Boy by Robert Alexander.


I LOVED this book. It was a quick read and kept me on the edge of my seat. It is about the Romanov family. The father of this family -- Nicholas -- was the last Tsar of Russia. It tells about their final month of house arrest before they are killed by members of the Bolshevik revolution. It is told from the point of view of one of their servants. There is a great twist at the end. I would DEFINITELY recommend this book for anyone out there who likes historical fiction.

I also found out the the same author wrote a book called Rasputin's Daughter. Maybe I'll have a chance to fit that one in this summer, too!

Military Slide Show

My Friend, Sally, sent me the link to this slide show.

Turn on your speakers and be still ....

www.iwo.com/heroes.htm

I love it here!

The days here in Michigan have been going by nice and slow -- just like they should in the summer-time! I just got here on Saturday afternoon, but I feel like I've been here a lot longer than that! Maybe that's what is so great about coming home -- feeling like you've never left!

So my vacation starts off with kind of a funny story. My mom picked me up at the South Bend airport on Saturday. When I opened the door to load my suitcases in back of the minivan, I immediately saw that it was already almost full with a CRIB! Now, this wouldn't be a big deal at all IF MY MOM HAD ANY GRANDCHILDREN!!! But she doesn't -- and there are none in sight either. I wasn't mad -- I just had to laugh. She wants to be a grandma so bad, and was determined to find a cheap crib sometime this summer. Oh mom ... :)

When we got home, we immediately drove down to St. Joseph to check out my dad's new boat. He is so proud of it, and in the 4 days I've been home, we've already been down there to hang out twice. I think we're going to have a lot of fun with it this summer. My dad is trying to convice my mom that we should take a trip across the lake to Chicago sometime this summer. It would take about 3 hrs to get there by boat (yes, the lake really is that big!!) My mom is a little scared of the idea, though!

Sunday, Monday, and today I went to the beach and relaxed. I just kept thinking about how lucky I am to be here. People pay a lot of money to be able to spend their vacation time on a beach! I always took it for granted when I lived here. But since I've moved away, I've come to realize what a special part of the country I grew up in. We spend a lot of time in St. Joseph, which is just about 15 minutes away from my house. Click on the link to see some pics:

www.sjtoday.org/sjtoday_htm/images%20of%20st%20Joseph.htm

I keep thinking about all those people who asked if I was really going to spend the WHOLE summer at home. Heck Yeah! How could I not want to spend my whole summer in a place like this! Not only is the beach great, but everything is SO GREEN! I live in a smaller town called Baroda. All of Southwest Michigan is very agricultural and Baroda is right in the thick of all the fields of crops, orchards, and vineyards. I love to walk in the evenings because everything is just gorgeous. Everything is so healthy and alive and growing!

I am loving being able to spend lots of time with my family, especially my little sister, Katherine. I will try to post some photos as I take them. I feel so blessed right now!

My Personal Heaven

I literally heard the sound of angels singing and harps playing as I entered my own personal heaven today -- Borders OUTLET!!!!! Who knew they had an OUTLET??!!! I felt the same way I do when I go to Target or Walgreens (those of you who know me know exactly what that means -- haha). I found the same books I was eyeing on the fiction tables at the regular Borders for between $2.99 and $5.99. HALLELUIAH!!

So here's a synopsis of my picks:

Amagansett by Mark Mills
About a working-class fisherman who lives in Long Island. His postwar community is sharply divided between those who live there year-round and the wealthy who just come for summer. Lives change when his nets pull in the body of a beautiful young woman, seaweed twined in her hair ...


The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander
Though the events are almost a century old, the imprisonment and execution of Tsar Nicholas and his family still hold an aura of mystery that fascinates. In haunting prose, Robert Alexander retells the story through the eyes of Leonka, once the kitchen boy to the Romanovs, who claims to be the last living witness to the family's brutal execution. Mysteriously spared by the Bolsheviks, the boy vanished into the bloody tides of the Russian Revolution. Now, through Alexander's conjuring, he reemerges to tell his story. What did the young boy see in those last days of the Imperial Family? Does he have answers to long-standing questions about secret letters smuggled to the Tsar, thirty-eight pounds of missing tsarist jewels, and why the bodies of two Romanov children are missing from the secret grave discovered in 1991?


Forever by Pete Hamill
A magical, epic tale of an extraordinary man who arrives in New York City in 1740 and remains ... forever. Cormac comes to know all the buried secrets of Manhattan -- the way it has been shaped by greed, race, and waves of immigration, by the unleashing of enormous human energies, and, above all, by hope. Through Cormac's eyes, we watch the city grow from a tiny community on the tip of an untamed wilderness to become the thriving metropolis of the present day.

Through it all, Cormac must fight, generation after generation, a force of evil that returns relentlessly in the scions of a single family. It is a family whose path first crossed his in Ireland and whose persistence puts at risk all his hopes for fulfilling his destiny. As he searches out these blood enemies, he must watch everyone he touches slip away ... And so he seeks the one who can change his fate, the mysterious dark lady who alone can free him from the blessing and the curse of his long life.


My Dearest Cecelia: A Novel of the Southern Belle Who Stole General Sherman's Heart by Diane Haeger
Cecilia falls instantly in love with the dashing Northern cadet William Tecumseh Sherman at the Commencement Ball at West point Military Academy. A Southern Belle, she and Sherman assume prominent positions on opposite sides during the Civil War. Legen has it that Sherman's love for Cecilia was the reason he spared her hometown of Augusta during his infamous march to the sea.


And so you can probably figure out my plans for the summer -- lots of good reading on the beautiful shores of Lake Michigan! Me, a beach chair, and a book! (And maybe a margarita or two!)

Army Wives

After the whole "not being released to attend SF Selection" fiasco in March, Jon was switched over to another batallion. Tonight I attended my first wives' coffee with the ladies of this new batallion. I must admit -- I was a little bit nervous to meet them. It is always a little bit intimidating to walk alone into a situation where everyone knows one another. However, they were wonderful to me, greeting me with hugs and acting like I'd been one of them all along. We had a fantastic time with good food (fondue -- yum yum!) and great conversation. I was so impressed by these women. They were laughing and joking, not one of them feeling sorry for themselves -- not even the new mom with the 4 wk old baby, or the one expecting her first in just a few weeks.

When I got home, I had an email waiting for me from my FRG leader. She sent me the story below, which brought tears to my eyes.

Families Share R&R Moments

Dear Mr. Babcock, I went to the Colorado Springs Airport today (Sunday) to say goodbye to relatives that had visited me this week. As we were standing in line at the ticket counter, I realized that right in front of us were some Soldiers ready to go back to Iraq after their leave. Although the Soldiers are heroes and impressive in their own right, I would like to acknowledge their wives.

The family directly in front of us in line stood there quietly, the Army spouse smoothing her Soldier's uniform, touching his sleeve, holding his waist, trying to touch him enough to last her the next six or so months. One of her hands was on the stroller which carried their son, who was no more than 14 months or so. Her eyes were red rimmed as if she'd cried all night, but as she stood there, no tears fell. Her Soldier must've kissed her forehead a dozen times. No hysteria, no weeping. Deep, deep sorrow, but so much pride. His duffel bag said 1-8 IN, and they've had a rough time of it the past few weeks. She kept her fear in check as she held the stroller, and held her husband.

The family directly in front of them was a little different. Mom and her three teenaged daughters joked, smiled and laughed with their Soldier. The girls giggled as mom teased her Soldier about the wedding ring he should be wearing in the field and the one he saved for home. The girls just laughed as mom and dad bantered. Mom leaned nonchalantly against the counter when her Soldier's turn came to check in. It was when that Soldier put his duffel bag on the scale, when his attention was on the airline employee, that his wife dropped her guard for a moment. There was such a look of profound sadness on her face that tears came to my eyes. One of her girls went to her and hugged her. She looked down at her child and gave her the most brilliant smile. At the same time, the young wife in front of us looked down at her little boy and gave him a brilliant smile. It was as if no matter how hard, no matter how worried, no matter how lonely, these women would continue to be both mom and dad to their kids, fierce supporters of their Soldier and their units and the quietest heroes in this country.

Bravo to those two wives, and all the military spouses who do the same each and every day. Next month sometime, by the grace of God, my kids and I will wait anxiously at the same airport to greet our Soldier when he comes home on leave. I pray that by his same grace, I will be as heroic as those two women today when it comes his time to leave.

Memorial Day

I know that Memorial Day is a day to honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country. I thought about the Sims family quite a few times today. I have never met them, but am a regular visitor of Heidi's blog. Quite honestly, I don't know what I would do if I got that dreaded knock at my door.

Last night, I watched We Were Soldiers Once. I know it's probably kind of morbid for me to watch movies like that or Blackhawk Down, but I do. In some ways, it makes all of this seem more real. Often, I find myself thinking that Jon is just traveling for work, and I forget that he's in danger every day. Maybe it's some sort of coping mechanism -- I don't know. Anyways, the scene where the wives are notified of their husbands' deaths always gets to me. I admire the strength of the women who were notified, and those who were in fear every day of recieving a notification. I think they do such a great job in that movie of presenting the soldiers as real people, with real families. I love the scene where it's the night before the men are leaving. They show the men getting into bed with their wives, and you can see the fear in all of their eyes, the sorrow, and the dread ... but also the pride and sense of duty. I could completely relate to that. I remember the night before Jon left this deployment and the night before he left for his first deployment. You don't even want to sleep. Think about Christmas Eve -- you know when you wake up, all of your presents will be waiting for you, and you are trying and trying to go to sleep because you are so excited. I would have to say -- this is the exact opposite feeling that you have the night before your soldier leaves. The time goes by too quickly, and the words are never enough to communicate how much you love this man, how much you'll miss him, and how proud you are of him.

As I remembered those that have lost their lives for our country, I also thought a lot about those who are putting their lives on the line as we speak. Right after Jon left for his first deployment, my mom got me a frame to put his picture in with the following poem.

A Prayer For A Soldier
Almightly God, with Your loving care,
Protect this soldier while in the air.
Make swift his wings and sharp his eye
With Your strenght if danger is nigh.

Oh gracious God, by Your mighty hand,
Keep safe this soldier while on the land.
Make steady his feet and calm his heart
With peace and protection you impart.

Faithful God, we trust in Thee.
Hold fast to this soldier while on the sea.
Make safe his passage from shore to shore,
And bring him home again once more.

-- Stacey Randall

I pray every day that God will return my soldier to me without even a scrape or a scratch. Next Monday is the anniversary of our big wedding ceremony. I am so proud to be his wife.

A Few Random Thoughts ...

COUNTDOWN

Yes ... the ticker at the bottom of the page is correct. Sigh .... ONLY 4 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!! Summer is almost officially here! Hooray!

It's amazing how time passes depending on how you look at it. When I think about the last year in terms of school, it has FLOWN by! When I think about the last 6 months that Jon has been gone -- it seems like 6 years!! I don't know if I'm just on a high because school is almost over or if this is just the truth, but I really feel like I've had a great year with my kids. Despite the one pain in the butt in every class, all of my other kids were so sweet and so much fun! It just feels really nice to be ending the year with such a positive feeling. PLUS (I've probably said this already) I get to move up with my kiddos to 8th grade next year. Hopefully they won't change too much over the summer! I'm such a math geek -- I can't wait to teach them Algebra! Anyways, my point is that it just feels good not to be dreading the start of the next school year, but to be excited about it instead.

MY HANDSOME HUBBY

I really can't wait until I can put up a countdown for when Jon comes home. Right now he is not scheduled to come home for any R&R. Instead, he is supposedly coming home sometime around September. He has decided to go ahead attend Special Forces Selection in October, so he should get to come home a little early to train up. I know, I know -- I'm definitely not going to get my hopes up this time.

I remember this time last year Jon was at Ranger School. He was just finishing Phase I and I hadn't heard a peep from him in over 3 weeks. I think communication-wise that Ranger School was even worse than Iraq! I only got like 2 phone calls and 1 postcard from him the entire 2 1/2 months! (And all the postcard said was "SEND FOOD!!") Anyways, I can remember sitting at our district retirement tea on the last day of school when I saw that my phone was vibrating. By the time I picked it up, it had stopped ringing. I knew it was Jon, but he never got a chance to call back. I knew I would have to wait at least another 3 weeks. Any Army wife reading this has probably been through the same thing! It's so heartbreaking!

SUMMER PLANS

After school gets out, I'm sticking around here for another week, and then heading to Michigan to spend the summer with my family! I am so excited! Every time I tell someone my plans, they kind of wrinkle their nose and say something like, "You're spending the WHOLE summer with your parents?" I wish I could communicate to them how much I'm looking forward to sitting around the dinner table with people I love every night! I know I'll probably get bored and a little annoyed at times, but I'm looking forward to a wonderful "un-lonely" summer! I'll give you more details later!

Okay ... so that's all my random thoughts for now. I thought I'd include this cute picture of Jon in Iraq. I love the ones with kids in them!

Who ever knew bunny ears were universal?

The Lioness of Judah

Today at school, a guest speaker came to share her story with all of our eighth grade students. Although I teach seventh grade this year, I got a chance to sneak over during my planning period and listen to a little bit of what she had to say.

The woman's name was Sara Hauptman. She is 87 years old and a survivor of the Holocaust. Her story was amazing. She lived in Belgium when the Nazis began their extermination of the Jews. At the time, she was a young mother and was forced to give her children to other people while she went into hiding. Then, she joined the Belgian Resistance -- making false identity papers, delivering messages to prisoners, helping allied aviators who were shot down over Belgium. The cover for her underground activities was a job as a lion tamer in a circus.

She told us of the night she was arrested, her time in the holding camps in Belgium, the transport to Auschwitz-Birkenau, and what life was like in the concentration camp. It is certainly one thing to read about all of this, but to hear a real survivor tell about their experiences in person is something totally different. It was moving and intense and unbelievable. She says that she can still smell the stench of burning flesh from the gas chambers. She told us how she witnessed the Nazis murdering babies by throwing them in the air and shooting them. She told us how she watched a seven year old girl plead with one of the guards to let her stay with her mother and work. The man said "sure" and then threw a football for her to go and catch. As he was running to catch it, he shot her. The things she told where unbelievable. I had to leave and go back to class before she told how she had been a victim of Dr. Mengele's experiments.

And I think that I have things to complain about? This woman had literally been to hell and back. Her story was unbelievable. I can't even begin to imagine what life was like for those people. I have always been enthralled by stories from World War II. I bought Sara's book, called The Lioness of Judah and I can't wait to read it. I'll let you all know how it is ...

Captivating Anne

Right now, I am reading a book by John and Stasi Eldredge, called Captivating. It's a Christian book about "Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul." Today, I was reading a section on what makes a woman truly beautiful. The whole point of the section is that real beauty comes from a heart at rest. There is much more to being beautiful, obviously, than what people see on the outside. The authors talk about two different types of women. The first woman is a woman who is striving -- she is not confident that her beauty will last forever, and is therefore continually striving to make herself more beautiful, more perfect. She stresses if she gains a few pounds or needs her roots highlighted. A woman who is striving makes others around her feel like they also need to strive. The message she sends to others is "Get your act together. Life is uncertain. There is no time for your heart here. Shape up. Get busy. That's what is important."

Sigh ... Unfortunately, I think that's probably me 90% of the time.

The other type of woman is the woman whose heart is at rest. This woman is secure in her self-worth. She feels at home in who she is. The message she sends to others is "You are wanted here. I want to know you. Come in. Share yourself. Be enjoyed. Enjoy me as I share myself."

As I read one particular passage, I couldn't help but think about my good friend, Anne.


She is definitely the latter type of woman. This is the passage:

"A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of her trust. She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort; she knows that we live in a world at war, that we have a vicious enemy, and our journey is through a broken world. But she also knows that because of God all is well, that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become. In her presence, we can release the tension and pressure that so often grip our hearts. We can also breathe in the truth that God loves us and he is good."

I hope that someday, I can make others around me feel at rest like Anne does -- she is the master! As women, sometimes I feel like we are under so much pressure to be perfect -- no just in our appearance, but also in the things we do. It totally makes sense, though, that the most beautiful women are the ones who are at rest -- remember the story about Mary and Martha? Who would you rather spend time with?

Saturday Night

I just got back from my regular Saturday night at the movies. This week, I went to see Mission Impossible III. This is totally uncharacteristic of my usual movie choice. I always pick romantic comedies or basically anything other than action or horror. But, I was up for a little change. The movie actually ended up being pretty good. I was on the edge of my seat most of the time.

I used to be a little timid about going to the movies all by myself. It's kind of grown on me, though. You can pick any movie that you want to see. Plus, you don't have to share your popcorn! The only thing is that I feel like I have to make excuses for why I'm alone -- not with my husband or a friend. For example, tonight I saw a coworker as I was walking out of the theater. I totally found myself coming up with things to say in case he asked me if I was here by myself. I know most people usually wouldn't be caught dead somewhere like that by themselves. But I'm not about to just sit home because I don't have a date for the movies!

Anyways ...

One thing I find myself doing all the time since Jon has been gone is thinking about what we would be doing if he was here. It's like a little game we play. We write emails back and forth reminding each other what life would be like if he was here. In all reality, things would be pretty unspectacular, but wonderfully normal. Tonight, for instance, we still would have gone to see MI: III. Jon would have bought our tickets, and I would have bought our treats. Jon would ask for a small popcorn and pop, raise his eyebrows when I ordered a medium for myself, and then complain about how tiny the smalls are. (I guess he usually forgets this fact between Saturday evenings!) Then we would sit down and comment to each other about the previews -- decide which were "Netflix," and which ones we were going to be "SO THERE" for. Jon would then tease me about my high school crush on Tom Cruise, and I would act like I still kind of like him -- you know, just to get him riled up a little. :) At the end of the movie, he would look over to see if I was crying (I usually am), and tease me a little more. Once we got home, we would pick out one of our Netflix, get in our PJs, and cozy up on the couch. Jon would watch the entire thing, and I would be asleep 15 minutes into it.

See ... pretty boring and uneventful. But what I would give to have just had that night. I concluded this week that I'm not really lonely -- I just miss my husband.

Hmmm... almost half way there.

A Little Angel

I got an email today from Jon with the cutest little story in it:

"I was out the other day at a tribal leader's house and his little boy just came up to me out of the blue ... FOR NO REASON AT ALL!. He was like two years old and a real little fella -- he couldn't even talk. He grabbed for me, so I bent down and he wrapped two arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then he just walked away ..."

I told my aunt this story today and she was certain this little boy must have been an angel. So I started to think about it. You know how everyone has their own love language? Mine is "words of affirmation" and "quality time." Jon's, on the other hand, is touch. I have a feeling that for the past 5 1/2 months he hasn't felt very loved -- I'm pretty sure all those soldiers over there aren't comforting each other with hugs! I wonder what possessed this sweet little boy to come up to my husband, who I'm sure seemed pretty intimidating with his big shoulders and all dressed in his ACUs (although he does have a really friendly smile!). I'm convinced that God sent this little one to Jon so that he could feel just a hint of how much we are all loving him here at home! It's very cool to think that we sent him a real life hug with all of our prayers!

The Stair-Stepper from Hell

I could either go to the gym right now or write another blog. I am totally avoiding actually working out today, so how about if I combine the two and just write about working out? It will still burn calories, right? (yeah -- wouldn't that be a perfect world!)

Yesterday I really did have the desire to get moving. So I woke up early before church, packed Jon's camelback, and headed for a hike in Manitou Springs. Now, I'm not stupid enough to actually venture out on the trails all by myself (I'm totally scared of bears and mountain lions and basically any kind of little critter). But there is one trail in Manitou that ALWAYS has tons of people on it. A long time ago, there used to be a railroad that took people up to Pike's Peak. Since, then, a newer, more advanced railroad -- "The Cog" -- has been built. However, the railroad ties from the old route are still in place, and it is a favorite place for Coloradans (and visitors who are willing to brave the altitude) to test their character and endurance. It is known as the Manitou Incline (aka -- The Stair-Stepper from Hell).

The "Incline" doesn't reach all the way up to Pikes Peak anymore. It does go up about a mile, though. And although the hike up is TORTUROUS, the way down is heavenly -- a 4 mile hike down a series of switchbacks with unbelievable scenery. Anyway -- back to the actual incline. Yesterday I decided it was time for my first hike up the incline this year. I have to say -- I have been avoiding it for a few weeks now. I actually got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as I was driving there. But 47 minutes after I took my first step, I was so proud of myself for reaching the top, and felt such a sense of accomplishment -- it was all worth it. After that, I listened to praise music the whole way down and just enjoyed all of the beauty that God surrounded us with here in the Springs. I can't wait to go again next weekend.

Here is a picture that Jon took a few summers ago. I am the blond girl who looks like she's about to die. The picture only shows about the last 1/4 of the incline. It is a LONG way up!

Parents -- UGH!

Teaching would be so easy if it wasn't for PARENTS.

After returning from a workshop today, I got on the computer to check my school email - just making sure I didn't miss anything major today. Most of them were same-old, everyday "who wants to work in the dunk-tank at the carnival on the last day of school," "it's time for the budget committee to meet," "band concert tomorrow night, " yadda yadda yadda. Until I get to the last one -- a parent basically informing me that I have failed her son as a teacher this year. WHAAAAAT???

I'm honestly crushed. I don't even know how to respond to this. It seems that this parent has waited until the last three weeks of school to tell me how much of a disservice my teaching has been to her child, how I personally have failed their family -- basically pinning any responsibility for her son's struggles this year on me. In my 3 years of teaching, I have NEVER had a parent complaint that I can remember. My classroom is very structured, my expectations for my students are very high, and I think I do a pretty good job of holding kids accountable. I don't even want to call or email her back, because I'm afraid what I have to say could get me fired! And the sad thing is -- I really like her son. UGH! I guess I need to just wipe my tears, stop taking it personally, and just let the whole thing go.

Or, I could refer her to the parent hotline ...


SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2

"To complain about what we do - Press 3

"To swear at staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

"To request another teacher for the third time this year- Press 8

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"

The Best Yet ...

I have to say -- last night may have been the best girl's night yet with our little "Poker Night" group. Instead of having our normal dinner and poker playing, we took the party to Memorial Hospital, where we inducted our newest member, Lisa's precious new daughter, Taylor. We brought pizza and some other goodies, and snuck in a few bottles of wine and celebrated Little Miss Taylor's arrival.

Honey, if you're reading this -- I want one!!

Book Review: "The Devil Wears Prada"

I know this is a little much -- three posts in one day -- but what the heck! I have gotten a lot of comments about my book list. So I wanted to share a little bit about the book I just finished. My friend, Annie, lent me her copy of "The Devil Wears Prada" and I just finished it yesterday. I have to say, I'm not usually one for light-hearted, somewhat silly fiction. But I LOVED this book! It was so enjoyable to sit back and listen to the main character, Andrea, rant and rave about her job and lunatic boss. It was funny and witty, and I didn't want it to end! I can't wait to see the movie this summer!

My Yoga Craze

At the end of January, my best friend and roomate from college, Ally, came to visit me. She looked AWESOME, and when I asked what she had been doing, she said yoga. Of course, as soon as she went upstairs to take a shower, I was on the internet looking for a yoga studio in my area. A week later, I was at a nearby studio, taking my first class, and LOVING it!! Jon bought me a membership for my birthday, and I have been going 4-5 times a week ever since. I keep telling him -- it's the best present he's ever gotten me!

I know this sounds completely cliche', but yoga has totally changed my life. I am stronger, more toned, more focused, more flexible (I couldn't even touch my toes prior to this!), and MUCH less stressed than I've ever been before! After years of lifting weights (even working with some fantastic trainers in college) I have decided that I will never lift again as long as I can do yoga. I have always had lots of muscle mass on my body, but my muscles were never very defined. Now I am doing something I actually enjoy, and I'm seeing results -- like you can actually see my arm muscles -- I love it! Not that I look perfect, of course, but it's so exciting when you notice a difference from where you started!

In all honesty, I had taken yoga classes before and didn't like them. I thought they were boring and just too challenging for people like me who aren't naturally very flexible. Little did I know that there were other types of yoga out there besides the popular hatha yoga. Now I practice power yoga. We practice in a heated room (@ 95 degrees) and do lots of core work, balancing, arm balances, and inversions -- like headstands, forearm stands, and handstands. It is a great workout and completely fun! The best part is when you accomplish something that you never thought you would be able to do.

Right now, I'm trying to master the forearm stand, and firefly. Of course, my instructors make both look so easy, but I have a feeling it might take a while yet before I can do them:

forearm stand

firefly

Today, I went to my first Hot Yoga class. (I know, like 95 degrees isn't hot enough!!) This is also known as Bikram Yoga, and the studio is heated to around 105 degrees. This type of yoga presented lots of new challenges -- like overcoming the feeling that I was going to pass out from being so hot!! :) I didn't like it as much as power yoga, but I think I'll try it a few more times just to mix things up a bit.

So anyways, this may all sound a bit boring to you, but it has been a passion of mine for the past three months. I really feel like it has been the positive thing in my life while Jon has been away. I look forward to class every day, and it keeps me busy so that I'm not spending every evening alone in an empty house. I would totally recommend this to anyone who is bored or burnt out with their workout routines and looking for a change. I have to warn you, though. Once you try it, you'll be hooked!