I don't know if I'll be returning to blogger, most prolly not.
all these glass on the outside
Monday, January 31, 2011
I wonder if you ever thought of me when you were having the time of your life. I wonder if my absence actually brought you relief and freedom. I wonder if you felt happier without me.
It's like every single thing is pointing towards proving my invisibility. Why the drastic change? It's like with every passing day I'm moving further away from those fond memories and suffocating myself with inferior thoughts. Was it me who changed, or you?
I'm tired of feeling alone in a crowded room. I'm tired of chasing pavements.
P/s: I think I'm moving to LJ soon (prob during cny period) so that I can have freedom over my own privacy (hehehe thanks Quek for the enlightenment HAHA)
Nowhere but here
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Change is omnipresent, change is everywhere, change leaves you feeling broken, change leaves you feeling blissful. Be it the agony of hurt or the anticipation of a new lease of life, change cannot be battled. The only option is to adapt. I hate how adapting to changes leaves me feeling utmost pathetic. But the world doesn't revolve around you alone. It's time to grow up. It's time to accept the fact that changes happen and they are here to stay. I hope changes make me stronger before I succumb to them and shatter everything. I hope I'm strong enough inside.
looking for love but finding we're still in need
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why then do I keep feeling like I have to be somebody else?
It's getting really hard to just go with the flow and pretend that everything's alright when it's just killing me inside. I don't understand myself. I don't understand why I have to let you influence me so much to the extend that I'm losing my identity. I don't understand why I have to please you and try to keep up with you when that shouldn't be the case. I don't understand why you act like you're all high and mighty when you're not that great actually.
Most of all, I'm losing sight of myself. To what extend am I going to go to gain your acceptance even when it's one of the last things that I want to do?
to serve to strive and not to yield
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I'm supposed to be sleeping now so I'll make this a really quick one!
I'm backzx from OBS! (Actually I was back 2 days ago HAHAH)
OBS wasn't exactly as fun as I thought it would be, but still there was an element of fun nevertheless. I'm not sure where the fun element derived from so I'm attributing it to the time spent with tentmates, watchmates but certainly NOT with Jeff HAHAHA.
Jeff was one loser seriously. He was boring, noob, mean, sarcastic with his constant 'GOOD LUCK TO YOU', awkward and lame BUT at least he did ensure our safety. That's the only good point I can think about him. He forgot our watch name twice, was being damn bitch when Shing and I were day ics, gave unclear instructions, weren't comfortable with us, had the lamest forfeit of drawing a turtle up my hand when I lost in a game + dodo dance x 1 million times, was saddistic 'I was hoping yall' would fight during the trek so that yall' could learn from it', had really bad english and the list goes on and on.
Apparently, everyone enjoyed their instructors tremendously (which explains why they miss OBS so much) but I'm like oh okay OBS is over wow I got through it, end of story. Pau told me that Pei Lee told them that the instructor shouldn't be the main reason why you should enjoy obs, but rather the catalyst to spur you on to enjoy the OBS experience. I beg to differ since our watch's the life example to prove that point wrong. I found myself missing Pei Lee our buddy's group instructor more than Jeff. At least she's much more zai than Jeff HAHA. (Oh and screw Jeff cuz' he didn't keep my wallet properly and now the metal parts have scratches that look rusty ajhgdsdhjjaj)
OBS was about pushing limits, like really pushing your limits to the point where you would just wanna give up, but the only difference was that you could not. Hiking for about 6 hours carrying seemingly 20kg backpacks on your shoulders from one end of Pulau Ubin to almost the other end by foot, omg it was terrible. The backpacks were so effing heavy I could cry carrying them, especially when I carried that red backpack with 4 2 litres bottles in them on top of the pile of happy food for a prolonged period of time. :( Everyone was walking at a 90 degree angle because if anyone stood straight, the weight of the backpacks would cause that person to fall backwards. Even after the backpack was off my shoulders, I could still feel the gravity of the backpacks sitting on my shoulders. It was awful. :( But we managed to accomplish it as a team. :) That was really one of the most heartwarming parts of the journey. :')
As if aching shoulders weren't enough, the very next day we kayaked for about 13.5km with only 3 breaks in between. It was terrible. I got so effing pissed cuz' towards the end, when Shing and I couldn't take it any further, the wind became a bitch and constantly blowed us to the direction that we weren't supposed to travel and we had to stern-rider to the direction that we were headed towards. Stern-riding was so effort-consuming I thought my arms would die. :( In all honesty, I was on a swearing spree cursing the damn wind to stop making life so difficult for us. I really felt like throwing my freaking paddle into the water and watching it disappear from my sight but I couldn't because that would be plain dumb since my paddle was my lifesaver to rescue me from being stuck in the middle of an open sea. It was really mentally and physically exhausting having to battle factors that we couldn't control. I sort of managed to grasp the agenda for the whole challenge thing. I realised that sometimes no matter how hard the going is, for the greater good, you just can't give up even though you're so freaking tired that you just wanna sit down and cry your troubles away. Because if you did, you'll just be stranded at the same place not making any progress.
Anyway I didn't get much sunburn because having learnt from the previous day where I was as red as lobster, I wrapped my whole head with a freaking towel even though I looked super unglam. It worked and I felt so protected seeking refuge from my gym towel hehe. Btw, oreo tasted like heaven on the kayak I swear. (Y)
Oh and did I tell you that we pee-ed in the bushes during the wee hours of the morning? HEHEHE it was quite an experience really. :)
Okay sorry too much info hahahaha but yeah OBS was really a one in a lifetime experience. :) (Hmm I wonder if anyone even reads the trash I post)
Pictures are still in Sabrina's camera and she's not gonna upload it anytime soon. :( Okay I broke my own promise I didn't make it quick at all but oh well.
Bought the black polo obs tee and the brown one to constantly remind myself that I survived HAHAHAH. And you should really go get the green gel tube of insect repellent from the army market. It's not even 2 bucks and it's way more effective than the commercial ones they sell at the pharmacies. (Y)
Goodnight world there is still school tmr. Fml.
To serve to strive and not to yield
at the beginning
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I feel like a winner woohoo. Finally finished reading the story for Lord of the Flies (Y) The ending was suckish and ironic but oh well.
ANYWAY OBS ON MON-FRI KILL ME NAO. :( I'm actually looking forward to it if my apple isn't scheduled to come splat on obs week. :( SUCKS TO BE ME. :( And yeah sleeping with mosquitoes and sandflies and other foreign insects don't sound appealing. Especially in undesirable conditions and sweaty tents since RI just went for their obs (TKX just came back today) I'll miss my bed and proper shower and proper toilets oh so much. It's gonna be somewhat worser than the experience at rsp camp omg :( I have more than enough scars already I don't need anymore :( Haven't bought essential stuff yet screwed max.
K I have actually quite alot of homework for the first week of school which lasted like 3 days wtf which sucks ajdjhsdjsdj.First week already need to do si han fml.Now I wish that I had perfect eyesight ( not like I didn't before) because it'll be so inconvenient with specs and if I wear contacts my eyes may get contaminated omg. :( O sigh.
Training on Saturday the following day after OBS ends. I think I'm gonna be so tired I will skip training. When I get tired I fall sick so I'm not willing to risk falling sick at the start of the year!!! :( Cheerleading pracs fall right smack on sat's training hours wish me good luck oh man. :(
And I need to start saving money and stop being such a lousy saver. :( Blame it on the school timetable now lunch is not part of the timetable so given a choice,evading school food seems like the best option = spend more money. :(
I'm scared for sec 3 stuff ajsgshjdhjsd chem and math especially!!! :( Bio seems damn challenging too. :( I need to buck up loads can't be a slacker anymore!
I shall try to read the first three chapters of SS tmr since it's homework and maybe start on my sihan oh gosh I'm dead I have forgotten completely how the hell to write a sihan kill me now btw I'm still in HCL looks like they weren't that heartless HAHAHA(Y) K if I have time I'm gonna learn/polish up my knowledge on Jay's lyrics to learn chinese through his songs I think it's the best method to improve my stinky chinese.
This is only the beginning.
if I let these dreams die
Monday, January 3, 2011
I can't believe it's 2011 already. 2010 wasn't a bad year, just hope that 2011 will be better! :)
I was in Malaysia on New Year so I didn't manage to do up my new year resolutions! :( O sigh. I shall do them now, belated but still...it's always good to have a goal, no?
2011 NEW YEAR RESOLUTION:
1)3.68 GPA 2)Be satisfied with who I am and what I'm given
--
Yup, I only have two resolutions. I've realised through the years that it's always better to have only a few to focus on instead of one whole big list because at the end of the year you'll find that in the big pool of new year resolutions that you'd made, nothing came true because you didn't know which to start working on.
Maybe to smarties who can easily get a 3.7 you'll be laughing at me but I hope I can really set my heart and mind on this. 3.68 is a huge leap from my pathetic GPA this year and maybe it seems unreachable...hmmm but it's always good to dream big right? :)
I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to sec 3 life with new commitments and new classmates and new subject combis (esp since almost the whole class's in either History or Literature RA which sucks cuz' I'm not a genius in either). I just hope that everything will work out in the end and go smoothly. I really hope that my biggest fears won't happen, although I'm pretty sure it'll happen and disappoint me big time. I thought that new class meant a respite from all those jansdjabaj things that tear me up but looks like history's gonna repeat itself. Looks like two years dealing with it wasn't enough...
Anyway, really looking forward to having Milo stroll in my class!!! <3<3<3 I'm really jealous of Yiming, Faith and Ben who are in 309 but whatever. I shall be contented with what I had been given! :) AND SCHOOL ENDS EARLIER I THINK WOOHOO 1.40 COMPARED TO 2.50 and it starts at 8.30 instead of 7.20 on FRIDAYS HAHAHHA ARE THEY NUTS OR WHAT?! But baby I like it. HEHE
Sorry I'm too lazy to do dedications cuz' I need to prepare for CCAO and the performance tmr ( shit hope we don't screw up and show them what RGSRHYGYM's got) but I shall post photos belonging to 2010! :)
First few days of Sec 2 life :)
LJ WEEK (Farting cow HAHA)
XJT'10! I remember being more nervous about their performance than I was for mine hehe :)
GYM COMP 2010 in April! <3
NAPFA (It was raining so we cooped ourselves in the shaw lab and camwhored) <3
GYM CAMP 2010! <3 Sailormoon'11 <3
DANCE CONCERT!!! (Y)
Teacher's Day hehe :)
THE BEST PHOTO EVER SERIOUSLY <3
CAPS! <3
Li Lao Shi's farewell :(
HAHAHA YOUHUA IN OUR CSI FLIM <3
Awesome name, no?
Concert prep!
Sewing the sleeves for contortionist item! :)
BABY I LIKE IT <3 (Wild wild wet with Shing and fat immediately after EYAS!)
GYM CONCERT! <3 <3 <3 (The product of our hard work hehe)
HI QUEKINI <3
Hehe MAZAI <3
Pau and Shing! <3
BATCH 12 <3
Rsp Trip to Malaysia! :)
Buddies :)
Frozen butt crew! (Ice skating and Megamind hahahah) <3
Gym Farewell @ Marina Barrage <3
Sigh pictures speak a thousand words, don't they?
P/s: I spent more than freaking two hours to organise the stupid photos which didn't come out in the correct sequence that I lined it to be! Screw blogger akdhhjsagdhas
tired of chasing after things that don't belong, tired of struggling to impress, tired of trying too hard then falling so hard, tired of heartaches, tired of getting back on track, tired of facades; facades that last only to reveal the inside that you'd desperately tried to conceal
I don't know if I'll be returning to blogger, most prolly not.
all these glass on the outside
Monday, January 31, 2011
I wonder if you ever thought of me when you were having the time of your life. I wonder if my absence actually brought you relief and freedom. I wonder if you felt happier without me.
It's like every single thing is pointing towards proving my invisibility. Why the drastic change? It's like with every passing day I'm moving further away from those fond memories and suffocating myself with inferior thoughts. Was it me who changed, or you?
I'm tired of feeling alone in a crowded room. I'm tired of chasing pavements.
P/s: I think I'm moving to LJ soon (prob during cny period) so that I can have freedom over my own privacy (hehehe thanks Quek for the enlightenment HAHA)
Nowhere but here
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Change is omnipresent, change is everywhere, change leaves you feeling broken, change leaves you feeling blissful. Be it the agony of hurt or the anticipation of a new lease of life, change cannot be battled. The only option is to adapt. I hate how adapting to changes leaves me feeling utmost pathetic. But the world doesn't revolve around you alone. It's time to grow up. It's time to accept the fact that changes happen and they are here to stay. I hope changes make me stronger before I succumb to them and shatter everything. I hope I'm strong enough inside.
looking for love but finding we're still in need
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why then do I keep feeling like I have to be somebody else?
It's getting really hard to just go with the flow and pretend that everything's alright when it's just killing me inside. I don't understand myself. I don't understand why I have to let you influence me so much to the extend that I'm losing my identity. I don't understand why I have to please you and try to keep up with you when that shouldn't be the case. I don't understand why you act like you're all high and mighty when you're not that great actually.
Most of all, I'm losing sight of myself. To what extend am I going to go to gain your acceptance even when it's one of the last things that I want to do?
to serve to strive and not to yield
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I'm supposed to be sleeping now so I'll make this a really quick one!
I'm backzx from OBS! (Actually I was back 2 days ago HAHAH)
OBS wasn't exactly as fun as I thought it would be, but still there was an element of fun nevertheless. I'm not sure where the fun element derived from so I'm attributing it to the time spent with tentmates, watchmates but certainly NOT with Jeff HAHAHA.
Jeff was one loser seriously. He was boring, noob, mean, sarcastic with his constant 'GOOD LUCK TO YOU', awkward and lame BUT at least he did ensure our safety. That's the only good point I can think about him. He forgot our watch name twice, was being damn bitch when Shing and I were day ics, gave unclear instructions, weren't comfortable with us, had the lamest forfeit of drawing a turtle up my hand when I lost in a game + dodo dance x 1 million times, was saddistic 'I was hoping yall' would fight during the trek so that yall' could learn from it', had really bad english and the list goes on and on.
Apparently, everyone enjoyed their instructors tremendously (which explains why they miss OBS so much) but I'm like oh okay OBS is over wow I got through it, end of story. Pau told me that Pei Lee told them that the instructor shouldn't be the main reason why you should enjoy obs, but rather the catalyst to spur you on to enjoy the OBS experience. I beg to differ since our watch's the life example to prove that point wrong. I found myself missing Pei Lee our buddy's group instructor more than Jeff. At least she's much more zai than Jeff HAHA. (Oh and screw Jeff cuz' he didn't keep my wallet properly and now the metal parts have scratches that look rusty ajhgdsdhjjaj)
OBS was about pushing limits, like really pushing your limits to the point where you would just wanna give up, but the only difference was that you could not. Hiking for about 6 hours carrying seemingly 20kg backpacks on your shoulders from one end of Pulau Ubin to almost the other end by foot, omg it was terrible. The backpacks were so effing heavy I could cry carrying them, especially when I carried that red backpack with 4 2 litres bottles in them on top of the pile of happy food for a prolonged period of time. :( Everyone was walking at a 90 degree angle because if anyone stood straight, the weight of the backpacks would cause that person to fall backwards. Even after the backpack was off my shoulders, I could still feel the gravity of the backpacks sitting on my shoulders. It was awful. :( But we managed to accomplish it as a team. :) That was really one of the most heartwarming parts of the journey. :')
As if aching shoulders weren't enough, the very next day we kayaked for about 13.5km with only 3 breaks in between. It was terrible. I got so effing pissed cuz' towards the end, when Shing and I couldn't take it any further, the wind became a bitch and constantly blowed us to the direction that we weren't supposed to travel and we had to stern-rider to the direction that we were headed towards. Stern-riding was so effort-consuming I thought my arms would die. :( In all honesty, I was on a swearing spree cursing the damn wind to stop making life so difficult for us. I really felt like throwing my freaking paddle into the water and watching it disappear from my sight but I couldn't because that would be plain dumb since my paddle was my lifesaver to rescue me from being stuck in the middle of an open sea. It was really mentally and physically exhausting having to battle factors that we couldn't control. I sort of managed to grasp the agenda for the whole challenge thing. I realised that sometimes no matter how hard the going is, for the greater good, you just can't give up even though you're so freaking tired that you just wanna sit down and cry your troubles away. Because if you did, you'll just be stranded at the same place not making any progress.
Anyway I didn't get much sunburn because having learnt from the previous day where I was as red as lobster, I wrapped my whole head with a freaking towel even though I looked super unglam. It worked and I felt so protected seeking refuge from my gym towel hehe. Btw, oreo tasted like heaven on the kayak I swear. (Y)
Oh and did I tell you that we pee-ed in the bushes during the wee hours of the morning? HEHEHE it was quite an experience really. :)
Okay sorry too much info hahahaha but yeah OBS was really a one in a lifetime experience. :) (Hmm I wonder if anyone even reads the trash I post)
Pictures are still in Sabrina's camera and she's not gonna upload it anytime soon. :( Okay I broke my own promise I didn't make it quick at all but oh well.
Bought the black polo obs tee and the brown one to constantly remind myself that I survived HAHAHAH. And you should really go get the green gel tube of insect repellent from the army market. It's not even 2 bucks and it's way more effective than the commercial ones they sell at the pharmacies. (Y)
Goodnight world there is still school tmr. Fml.
To serve to strive and not to yield
at the beginning
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I feel like a winner woohoo. Finally finished reading the story for Lord of the Flies (Y) The ending was suckish and ironic but oh well.
ANYWAY OBS ON MON-FRI KILL ME NAO. :( I'm actually looking forward to it if my apple isn't scheduled to come splat on obs week. :( SUCKS TO BE ME. :( And yeah sleeping with mosquitoes and sandflies and other foreign insects don't sound appealing. Especially in undesirable conditions and sweaty tents since RI just went for their obs (TKX just came back today) I'll miss my bed and proper shower and proper toilets oh so much. It's gonna be somewhat worser than the experience at rsp camp omg :( I have more than enough scars already I don't need anymore :( Haven't bought essential stuff yet screwed max.
K I have actually quite alot of homework for the first week of school which lasted like 3 days wtf which sucks ajdjhsdjsdj.First week already need to do si han fml.Now I wish that I had perfect eyesight ( not like I didn't before) because it'll be so inconvenient with specs and if I wear contacts my eyes may get contaminated omg. :( O sigh.
Training on Saturday the following day after OBS ends. I think I'm gonna be so tired I will skip training. When I get tired I fall sick so I'm not willing to risk falling sick at the start of the year!!! :( Cheerleading pracs fall right smack on sat's training hours wish me good luck oh man. :(
And I need to start saving money and stop being such a lousy saver. :( Blame it on the school timetable now lunch is not part of the timetable so given a choice,evading school food seems like the best option = spend more money. :(
I'm scared for sec 3 stuff ajsgshjdhjsd chem and math especially!!! :( Bio seems damn challenging too. :( I need to buck up loads can't be a slacker anymore!
I shall try to read the first three chapters of SS tmr since it's homework and maybe start on my sihan oh gosh I'm dead I have forgotten completely how the hell to write a sihan kill me now btw I'm still in HCL looks like they weren't that heartless HAHAHA(Y) K if I have time I'm gonna learn/polish up my knowledge on Jay's lyrics to learn chinese through his songs I think it's the best method to improve my stinky chinese.
This is only the beginning.
if I let these dreams die
Monday, January 3, 2011
I can't believe it's 2011 already. 2010 wasn't a bad year, just hope that 2011 will be better! :)
I was in Malaysia on New Year so I didn't manage to do up my new year resolutions! :( O sigh. I shall do them now, belated but still...it's always good to have a goal, no?
2011 NEW YEAR RESOLUTION:
1)3.68 GPA 2)Be satisfied with who I am and what I'm given
--
Yup, I only have two resolutions. I've realised through the years that it's always better to have only a few to focus on instead of one whole big list because at the end of the year you'll find that in the big pool of new year resolutions that you'd made, nothing came true because you didn't know which to start working on.
Maybe to smarties who can easily get a 3.7 you'll be laughing at me but I hope I can really set my heart and mind on this. 3.68 is a huge leap from my pathetic GPA this year and maybe it seems unreachable...hmmm but it's always good to dream big right? :)
I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to sec 3 life with new commitments and new classmates and new subject combis (esp since almost the whole class's in either History or Literature RA which sucks cuz' I'm not a genius in either). I just hope that everything will work out in the end and go smoothly. I really hope that my biggest fears won't happen, although I'm pretty sure it'll happen and disappoint me big time. I thought that new class meant a respite from all those jansdjabaj things that tear me up but looks like history's gonna repeat itself. Looks like two years dealing with it wasn't enough...
Anyway, really looking forward to having Milo stroll in my class!!! <3<3<3 I'm really jealous of Yiming, Faith and Ben who are in 309 but whatever. I shall be contented with what I had been given! :) AND SCHOOL ENDS EARLIER I THINK WOOHOO 1.40 COMPARED TO 2.50 and it starts at 8.30 instead of 7.20 on FRIDAYS HAHAHHA ARE THEY NUTS OR WHAT?! But baby I like it. HEHE
Sorry I'm too lazy to do dedications cuz' I need to prepare for CCAO and the performance tmr ( shit hope we don't screw up and show them what RGSRHYGYM's got) but I shall post photos belonging to 2010! :)
First few days of Sec 2 life :)
LJ WEEK (Farting cow HAHA)
XJT'10! I remember being more nervous about their performance than I was for mine hehe :)
GYM COMP 2010 in April! <3
NAPFA (It was raining so we cooped ourselves in the shaw lab and camwhored) <3
GYM CAMP 2010! <3 Sailormoon'11 <3
DANCE CONCERT!!! (Y)
Teacher's Day hehe :)
THE BEST PHOTO EVER SERIOUSLY <3
CAPS! <3
Li Lao Shi's farewell :(
HAHAHA YOUHUA IN OUR CSI FLIM <3
Awesome name, no?
Concert prep!
Sewing the sleeves for contortionist item! :)
BABY I LIKE IT <3 (Wild wild wet with Shing and fat immediately after EYAS!)
GYM CONCERT! <3 <3 <3 (The product of our hard work hehe)
HI QUEKINI <3
Hehe MAZAI <3
Pau and Shing! <3
BATCH 12 <3
Rsp Trip to Malaysia! :)
Buddies :)
Frozen butt crew! (Ice skating and Megamind hahahah) <3
Gym Farewell @ Marina Barrage <3
Sigh pictures speak a thousand words, don't they?
P/s: I spent more than freaking two hours to organise the stupid photos which didn't come out in the correct sequence that I lined it to be! Screw blogger akdhhjsagdhas
