Metablogging: I did it!!

With today's posts, I have successfully blogged every single day in 2008.

I fear that the last couple of months have been pretty boring. But I am nonetheless glad I stuck with it. I'm not sure if I'll try to do the same in 2009, but blogging every day has become part of my routine. I thought that blogging every day would improve my writing, but I don't really think that it has, and I'd still like to work on that.

I didn't do so well with my photo blog (and if you'd asked me a year ago, I would've predicted that I would do better on that one than on this). I pretty much abandoned it at the end of the summer. I've been toying with the idea of setting up a new photoblog but without the picture-every-day pressure. I just don't have enough interesting things to take new pictures of here--or maybe I just don't have time to find them. As much as I love to take pictures, it's easier to come up with words!

Traditional New Year's meme

As seen at Songbird's; this is my third year for this meme; that surely qualifies as a tradition!

Blog the first line of the first post for each month of the year.

January: Raising my glass to wish you all a wonderful new year!

February: Chichimama resolved to be a list person this year. As I commented at her place, I am NOT a list person--

March: And tomorrow doesn't promise to be any shorter. I'm just really, really busy right now.

April: This is awesome ...and hilarious, and perfect for a generation that grew up with Harry Potter.

May: I heard a statistic on NPR this morning indicating that Obama is the favorite among voters under 45 and Clinton is the favorite among those over 45.

June: Finally we had a day with temps above 70! And about time--it just doesn't seem possible that it is June 1 already.

July: When I write--whether it is here, or a sermon, or a piece for the newsletter--it often feels like what I want to say is just out of reach.

August: I don't have any particular strategy.

September: It has been an absolutely gorgeous weekend here in northern New England--the best of the end-of-summer, beginning-of-fall.

October: I don't know where September went, but here we are in October.

November:






















December: I had a great session with my clergy coach today (about which I will likely have more to say later) and one thing we touched on was how I write--particularly how I write sermons.

2008 in review: How could I have forgotten to mention this?

~When I was listing the good parts of the year, how could I have forgotten the absolute giddy joy and relief that came with Barack Obama's election and finally seeing light at the end of the long tunnel of the Bush years? And the sense of renewed hope and possiblity? Let's hold onto that, shall we? We're going to need it as we continue to deal with the detritus of the Bush years--trashed economy, endless war, and all the rest.

2008 in review: The not so good parts

~I don't want to dwell on the negative but it would be dishonest and probably unhealthy not to acknowledge the rough spots in the year. Lots of family stuff: High on the list would be Baby J's diagnosis with TSC. Although she is thankfully completely free of manifestations right now (and we pray that she will stay that way) it was still a shock, and something that won't just go away. And although I didn't blog about it, Elder Son both broke off his engagement and lost his job this year. Then there was my sister's cancer (again, thankfully she seems to be doing fine now) and the attendant family drama, which will likely never go away. As awful as that list sounds, though, I have to say we've come through most of it well--although Elder Son sure needs a job.

~And then there's my job. There is so much I'd like to say about it but despite my pseudomymity, I just don't feel safe enough to blog the details. I'm sure I've made it abundantly clear, though, that my working relationship with my boss leaves much to be desired. It's the sort of thing that from casual observance would be unnoticeable to most people. But enough other people have noticed and commented that I know it's not just me. My clergy coach has helped me to see that the conflict is not about me or my competence but rather about my boss' own issues. Knowing that doesn't make it easier to take in the moment, though. The up side is that his sabbatical starts in just two months. I know I will have to work even harder than I am now, but at least I won't feel like I am butting my head against a brick wall all the time. I have a month's vacation when he gets back, and hopefully I will be on my way to a new position some time after that.

2008 in review: The good parts

~Another year gone by, and I'm taking stock. In some ways it's been a rather routine year, but in others it's been momentous.

~Absolutely the best thing that happened in 2008 was the birth of Baby J. As I've mentioned before, I wasn't anxious to become a grandmother, but since J's birth, I've been overwhelmed with how wonderful she is and how much I want to be a part of her life. I had a fantastic grandmother, one who doted on us and played with us and spoiled us. My mother was not involved to that level, but I think my children have good memories of time spent at Grandma's house. I'm not sure how my role as "Amma" will play out, but I definitely want to be part of her life, and relish whatever that role becomes.

~I'm grateful (again) this year for friends in my life, friends who "get" me, friends with whom I can spend a relaxed vacation or call when I need them, friends whose joys and sorrows I can share.

~Silly as it may seem, I'm also grateful for Facebook which has allowed me to renew contact with friends from seminary and grad school and other pieces of my life who I otherwise would be out of touch with. No matter how casual the contact, it's nice to keep up with those people.

~Getting a clergy coach and a peer support group this year has kept me sane. I really don't know what I would have done without them. It's been a rough year workwise (but that's another post). Having someone to do a reality check, to call me on it when I'm overreacting, to vent to, to give advice when I need it--immeasurable worth.

~There's lots more positive in my life--I'm healthy, I have a good job and a great house to live in--but those are the things that stand out for me this year. How about you?

On the 5th day of Christmas

~No golden rings, but we came home from Vermont, and I'm feeling the post-Christmas let-down as the "real world" intrudes again. I'm taking tomorrow off, but start back to work on Wednesday. I'm hoping for an easy week, but not entirely convinced that I'll get one.

~While I was in Vermont I collected some things from my mother's house that Elder Son brought with him. These are things that he and NSLS packed up almost two years ago when my mother moved into assisted living. I brought home her wedding china and crystal, a quilt she made, and some gnomes my dad collected. Daddy started collecting the gnomes by this artist about the time he retired, and by the time he died he had a large collection. Although I think he genuinely liked the gnomes and enjoyed them, he also saw them as an investment, and for a time they did appreciate, but they haven't held their value. And honestly, I'm just as glad, because if they had, I'm sure they would've been sold. But instead I've inherited a group of them that will always remind me of my dad. (Pictures to follow when I unpack them.)

~We had a great family Christmas in Vermont. I only wish it had lasted longer and that WW had been home with us, too. Nepal is a long, long way from home.

Random bits of a Sunday that doesn't feel like Sunday

~It doesn't feel like Sunday because I didn't go to church. For a priest that is a rare occurrence. I could've gone, would've liked to in some ways, but I stayed in bed late and then played with Baby J instead.

~I've been getting at least 8 hours of sleep every night, far more than I usually get, but I still feel exhausted by this time of day (early evening). Part of it is, I'm sure, the result of an introvert being with a houseful of people all the time--no matter how much I enjoy it, it's tiring. And part of it likely reflects how bone-weary the lead-up to Christmas had made me.

~It's been warm and rainy here, even in northern New England, yesterday and today and lots of snow has melted. Which I'm kind of sad about because it is always so pretty here when it is snowy. But I'm just as happy that it wasn't snowy for travel.

~NSLS and I went out for a while with Baby J while "the guys" (Mr. LS, the Kid, and Elder Son) watched football). We stopped by the mall to check out the 50% sale at Hallmark, and I remembered again how much I don't like malls. I love being downtown here, but the mall, not so much.

~My present for Mr. LS and NSLS was Rockband for their wii, so there has been much rocking on going on around here. I sort of bought it on a whim--they wanted wii fit, which was impossible to get. So when I saw Rockband, I pounced on it before it disappeared, not 100% sure it was a good choice. If the last couple of days are any indication, it was a good choice. I evn got into the act once, badly doing the singing part. (I'm quite sure I'd be hopeless on drums or guitar!)

~The Kid and I will be heading back home tomorrow. He still has a week off of school, but the rest of us have to go back to work--although I'm not planning on working too hard!

1st Christmas

Good King Wenceslaus looked out...

...on the feast of Stephen--which happens to be today. Also Boxing Day, and a good day to just sit around, eat, and relax, which is pretty much what we've done all day.

Baby J is at an adorable age (okay, what isn't an adorable age?) She "commando crawls," loves to play in the exersaucer, likes the xylophone her uncle, the Kid brought her, and is fascinated by the buttons on my sweater. So much of the day was spent in holding court for her. Mr. LS's family was here yesterday and this morning, and it was fun catching up with them, too.

As I said earlier, Christmas itself was quite lovely, but getting there was hellish. Tuesday and Wednesday were a marathon of activity, but I actually managed to get almost everything done by noon on Wednesday (there are still two packages that need to be mailed, under the "Christmas lasts until January 6 rubric). I was in charge of the Christmas pageant this year--another one of those things that I volunteer for and then say, WTF was I thinking?" but it turned out really well. I decided to do two things differently--to involve the whole congregation and to have no rehearsals except for the readers, since the other cast members just walk on at the appropriate times. I put together a script that was a adaptation of a couple I found on the internet, and I did the brief narration with the middle school youth reading the scripture parts that told the story. We had a young family play Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus, the kids were angels, shpeherds and wise guys, and we made halos, crowns, and shepherd head pieces to give out to the congration, and each group had one line to do (printed in the bulletin and signaled by a bell). And it all worked! Everyone seemed to really enjoy it.

That was at 4:oo pm, and we also had services at 7:00 and 11:00. The choir open house was in between those two services. It was potluck so I didn't have to do too much cooking, and it turned out to be fun. I finally got home for the night around 1:00 am, wrapped the last few gifts, proofed my sermon and fell into bed about 3:00 am. We got up in time to exchange gifts before I had to be back at church for the Christmas Day service. The Kid was a great help. Not only did he help get ready for the open house, he also took charge of packing us lunch and getting the car packed and ready to go so that we could leave as soon as I got home from church and threw my things into my suitcase.

I'd like to figure out a way to get ready for Christmas without having the pre Christmas blues and without things being so crazy, frantically busy the last week, but I don't know if it will ever happen. This year I had the pageant and Blue Christmas liturgy that took a fair amount of extra time to prepare for on top of the usual stuff--but they were two things I really enjoyed doing and woul enjoy more without the time crunch. It would help, I gues, if I shopped and decorated earlier, but I just don't operate that way. So maybe the price I pay is all the craziness.

This is the first year I've traveled for Christmas in a long time, and to be honest, I was dreading it a bit. But it all worked out okay. I was worried about being too tired to drive, and I was really, really tired, but the trip took us less time (by at least 40 mintues) than usual, and the Kid talked to me and kept the iPod going with Harry Potter. And it is nice being here with no pressure to get anything accomplished.

Pictures of baby adorableness and Christmas fun tomorrow, I promise.

Christmas day

The Kid and I arrived in VT for Christmas with NSLS and family about 4:30 this afternoon (after making the trip in record time). We've opened presents, played with the baby, and had a scrumptious dinner, and having done three services yesterday and one today before leaving (in addition to shopping, wrapping, directing the pageant, and throwing an open house for the choir between services), I am beyond exhausted. But I just have to say, that after a crappy lead up, Christmas itself has been lovely, and tomorrow I may tell you more about it. But for now, I am going to be before midnight for a change, and looking forward to a few days away from work.

Hope your day has been "merry and bright" whatever you've been celebrating.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hanukkah, and/or wonderful festivus for the rest of us to alll.

Almost Christmas Eve

It's just shy of midnight and and this is the first time I've been on the computer (for non-work related reasons) all day. I finally finished decorating the Christmas tree. It's actually a very nice tree, and if I weren't so tired I'd get the camera out and post a picture....maybe tomorrow. I still need to set up a couple of nativities, and hang some miniature ornments on a small tree, and I think that's all the decorating that will get done.

I think all the presents are bought, but they aren't wrapped. And I'm not sure the two packages that need to be mailed tomorrow will make it. But I'm operating on the Christmas lasts until January 6 principle for that. I think I've done everything for work that needs to be done for tomorrow (and for Sunday for that matter) but I still need a sermon for Christmas day--I hope to get that done in the morning...along with gift wrapping. And tonight we got the supplies I need for my contribution for the open house for the choir between the services tomorrow night. (What was I thinking!? I love the idea in principle, but I don't even know when I will have time to set the table--I'm not sure I'll make it home between the four and seven o'clock services.) Some time I have to pack so we can leave Christmas day as soon as I'm out of church.

The dryer just buzzed, so it's time to work the on laundry.

This must be the most boring blog post ever !

It's that time of year again

And it's starting to get to me.

I hate Christmas. And I hate hating Christmas. I want to love it. I want to have a beautifully decorated house, and bake lots of cookies and fudge and candied pecans and make nice gift bags for everyone. I want to send out cards and have a party and have creatively wrapped packages under the tree before Christmas Eve. And I want to enjoy it.

But I just can't pull it off. And I am so tired of always having to do it all by myself.

So I finally have most of what I need for the pageant, and I had the oil changed. And I have a tree--with lights. It probably would have some ornaments, too, except that when I had the lights almost done, half of them went out (and yes, I had tested them before putting them on--what's worse, they're only a year old). An hour and three stores later I had new lights, but getting them on may be all I have energy for tonight.

You know it 's not true that I always have to do the tree by myself. Two years ago D and J happened to be here in mid December and they actually put the tree up for me, and D and I decorated it while J worked on my computer. And last year NSLS, Mr. LS and WW finished decorating it for me. But the tree seems to symbolize the whole holiday season for me--no time, too much to be repsonsible for, no time, always more complicated than I expect, and did I mention no time?

I really could've skipped the tree this year. We're leaving Christmas day as soon as I finish the service. And it's just the Kid and me here. But I have this vague sense of cheating him out of a full Christmas experience his last year as a "kid." And truth be told, I'm afraid that I, too, would feel the loss if we'd opted not to put it up, no matter how much trouble it is. And that's how it is with the whole season--I just want to skip it, and yet I don't.

I'm sitting here eating left over oatmeal for dinner as I write (actually that's not as bad as it sounds--it's quite good Irish oatmeal with currants and pecans) and I must clean for the cleaing person who's coming in the morning. (Aside having nothing to do with Christmas: why does the house stay in pretty good shape until about 2 days before the cleaning person comes and then rapidly go to hell in a handbasket?). Not to mention the presents that still need wrapping, and the tree that still needs decorating.

I hate being such a Scrooge, but I really just don't like Christmas.

Winter wonderland II

Good thing we enjoyed the winter wonderland yesterday...toay it rained most of the day, and it was just a mess. Tonight it is below freezing again. Not nice.

I love the way the snow makes my plastic Adirondack chair look like a comfy arm chair

The Kid claims these are "highbush blueberries" in which case I want to know why we didn't pick them last summer (answer: I didn't know they were there!)




























I've taken pictures of the angel butt before, but I love how it looks like he's got on a diaper now











Looking down my driveway























More from the church garden

Winter wonderland

We got 8-10 inches of snow between yesterday afternoon and this morning, and it's flurried off and on all day. Of course it's really beautiful, and it's stayed on all the tree branches all day, making it look like a real winter wonderland. I got some of my to-do list done yesterday before it got too bad out, but I've been remarkably nonchalant today. And the funny thing is, for better or for worse, I keep deciding just not to do some things. At this point I'm debating whether to even buy a tree. Not sure about that one, but it won't be today because we got sidetracked.

We got sidetracked because when we left we took the garbage down to the dumpster at church, and the Kid looked at the garden and noticed how awesome it was in all the snow. So instead of proceeding on our errands (including tree buying) we got the camera and went back to the garden. It really was magical, deep fresh snow, the trees and shrubs all coated in pristine white.

Now we're home to put on dry clothes, and are about to depart to do the errands...pictures posted when we return.

Friday Five~Countdown to Christmas

~Five things I need to accomplish before Christmas (only five? Are you kidding me? How about 15 or 25 or 50?)

1. Wrap up all the service details for Christmas Eve--that's long list in itself since I am in charge of the Christmas pageant which happens at 4:00 pm that day. Plus all the bulletins still need to be proof read, and prayers of the people written.

2. Write a sermon for Christmas Day. The past couple of years I've been finishing that sermon in the wee hours of Christmas morning after wrapping presents and stuffing stockings after the midnight service, but I'd like not to have to do that this year.

3. Buy a tree and decorate it. Time is getting short for that one.

4. Wrap presents. Ditto. Finish buying presensts (I think I am mostly done...but I need to make a list and check it twice...)

5. Try to get myself organized enough that on Christmas Day we can have the car packed and ready to leave as soon as I finish with church.

Most of all, I wish I could just feel like it was Christmas--in a good way, rather than just thinking of all the stuff I have to do.

Is it Friday yet?

Almost, thank God. Christmas is in just a week (!) and I really need tomorrow and Saturday to get non-work related things done (you know, shopping, wrapping, decorating, getting the oil changed.) The one wrinkle is that snow is forecast for the next three days. And around here people tend to freak out over snow. They've already declared a half day for school tomorrow and it isn't even supposed to start snowing until tomorrow afternoon. I guess our superintendent isn't from Alaska.

I really like snow for the most part, but it could make my life difficult this weekend. If it keeps people home on Sunday it will interfere with the only time I have for the Christmas pageant readers to practice. And what's worse, "light wintry mix" is currently forecast for Christmas Eve. I suppose there's no reason to spend too much time worrying about it though, since there's nothing I can do about it.

On another work front, one person called me to apologize for what happened last night--although this person had nothing to do with setting up the situation. I do appreciate the support though. I've thought about writing a note to the powers that be about how distressed I was over the way the whole thing played out, but I'm not sure if I will or not.

Learning the hard way

I got another lesson on how NOT to treat staff tonight. I'm learning a lot about that these days, but not in ways I'd like to be learning. Because it is NOT okay to put someone in the awkward position I was put in tonight at vestry. Of course, it's not the first time something like this happened, so I don't know why I was surprised but I was. I really was, and I was hurt, too.

And now I am going to bed early, and hoping tomorrow will be a better day.

Some things never change

Last year about this time I posted this list of things I had to accomplish. By the numbers this year I have far, far less to do...I don't preach again until Christmas Day, I don't have any funerals between now and Christmas (at least none that are planned, although I suppose there's still time for one to come up), I'm done with Advent programs, the multiple bulletins are closer to being done. Nonetheless, I feel just as swamped as I did last year, and maybe more exhausted.

So with just a week til Christmas Eve, here's what I'm working on:

~Liturgy for Blue Christmas service this coming Sunday afternoon (almost finished)!

~Narrators' parts for the Christmas pageant (almost almost finished)

~Skit for this week's children's service

~Mail package to VT if I expect it to get there before me (this is the kind of task I generally fail at--why I don't really know)

~Get tree, decorate tree

~Take clothes to the cleaners, pick up clothes from the cleaners (must.not.delay--but they are closed tomorrow)

~Pick up clothes from mender

~Finish shopping (not too much to do there, but little things always come up at the end), wrap presents

~Organize things for choir party on Christmas Eve between services

~Get the oil changed in the car

I'm sure I've forgotten something(s)...guess I'd better get back to work

Balancing act

I've been waiting for the tree guy for a couple of months. Ever since this storm, more than a year ago, there has been tree work needing to be done, but when the top half of a large tree in the side yard crashed down the end of the summer, there was no way to put it off any longer. Finally, this morning I looked out the window and saw him, high in the branches of the large oak tree in my back yard.

Watching him I was mesmerized. Higher than I'd imagined one could climb in this tree, he perched on a limb, fastened his harness securely, hoisted up his chain saw and started trimming branches. In just a few moments he started to move higher. Careful, deliberate in his movements, he tested the branches as he went, wedging himself cautiously into place, adjusting his lines. Even his cutting was careful--he cut branches here and there and nudged them so that they fell cleanly away, not getting entangled on the way.

Still higher he went, towards the damaged limb that dangled precariously on one side. Using ropes he made his way up, up. The wind had picked up quite a bit, but it didn't' seem to faze him. I wondered what it was like up there, so high off the ground. Was he ever afraid? What was it like the first time he literally went out on a limb? Did he feel a sense of freedom, of abandon in his work?

One large damaged limb down, he made his way towards the dead limb that had been wedged into another when it fell. Now he had to extend himself out over the holly tree, and at one point he had one foot in the top of the holly and the other still on the oak. Patiently he cut away at small branches and gently worked the dead limb loose and let it fall, and then worked his way back to the central trunk of oak.
The tree guy does this work day after day--carefully balancing,watching his footing, discerning what is deadwood, what is still healthy, knowing how much to cut away, what to preserve. It's a lot like ministry, a lot like life. I long for the kind of grace the tree guy shows as I work to maintain my own balance, cutting out the deadwood, fostering new growth, knowing where to step next.

The best 12 days of Christmas ever

It wouldn't be Christmas at our house without John Denver and the Muppets, and singing along to this.

Christmas memories

Cheesehead has been posting a Christmas memory every day this month; I don't have one for each day, but I like the idea, so here goes:

Until I was almost nine we lived in the same town as my paternal grandparents. My grandmother doted on us; my father was an only child, but my grandmother apparently had a least one stillborn child and a number of miscarriages, and I think she always hoped for a big family. At any rate, we four grandchildren were the light of her life and we spent a lot of time with her.

I don't think my grandmother was ever the Martha Stewart type, but by the time we'd come along she had pretty much given up on much housekeeping--she cooked and cleaned of course, but she kept things simple, and she and Grandaddy lived in a small simple house. She thought Christmas trees were a lot of trouble, but to appease us she would go and cut a small cedar from her woods and set it up with a few lights and a few ornaments. It was never a big deal--probably because they would come to our house on Christmas morning anyway.

We always had strict instructions to say in bed on Christmas morning until at least 7:30, but the Christmas I'm remembering the doorbell rang about 6:00 am. And there stood my grandparents, ready and waiting for us to open our Christmas gifts. That Christmas I got a set of dress up accessories, including a "mink stole" and I remember this goofy picture of me modeling it with my grandmother in the background.

I'm sure my grandparents must've come to our house on Christmas morning every year while we lived in the same town, but all my memories are conflated into that one year. My grandmother had terrible motion sickness. She literally could not go anywhere without taking Dramamine, and so she didn't travel much. After we moved away when I was in third grade I don't think we ever had Christmas morning together again.

Do nothing day

Today is my day off, and mostly what I've done all day is sit on the couch. I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy, and one of Extreme Home Makeover (that might be worth a post of its own), read blogs, searched deployment websites, spent some time on Facebook, and thought about my sermon. I also did a couple of loads of laundry, and took some things to be mended, so I wasn't totally unproductive.

There are lots of things that needed to be done--buying a tree, although it rained until late afternoon, which is not so conducive to tree buying, working on that pageant script, actually getting my sermon written, wrapping the presents I've bought so far, getting the rest bought, more laundry, meal planning and grocery shopping. But I did none of those things. And what I hate is not that I didn't do them, but that I feel vaguely guilty for not doing them.

And I'm as tired as if I'd worked hard all day, which is dumb. And I have a bit of a headache. Ack.

What I really need is a day off with nothing that needs to be done. Is that even possible? Do we live in a world in which we are destined to feel behind and guilty for not working?

The weather outside is frightful

It's pouring rain outside, and a bit windy. So far this week we've had snow, ice, wind, rain, high temps in the low 20s and high temps in the low 60s (not necessarily in that order). Just generally a mess. I actually like this time of year when it's cold and brisk and there's a bit of snow--I'd prefer it to stay that way, if truth be told, rather than this roller coaster mish mash of mess.

I hope it clears up for the weekend. If I can find a spare half hour or so (which is questionable at this point) I'd like to get a Christmas tree, and possibly decorate it before Christmas Eve. I do have a wreath hanging on the front door (thanks to last week's holiday extravaganza) and a small boxwood tree on the dining room table (also from the extravaganza). I have forgone the Advent calendars and Advent wreath this year, as much as I love them; we just don't remember to use them. Maybe I'll get them out for the last two weeks of Advent, though.

I spent today working on the liturgy for a "Blue Christmas" service--one that acknowledges that Christmas can be a difficult time for many. And tomorrow I need to finish up the script for the pageant--we are adapting ideas from a couple of different sources, which sounded like a very good idea at the time, but now I'm wondering why we just didn't stick with what they've used in past years (at least the last five). Some things I never learn.

Ghosts in the recipe file

I don't cook a whole lot, but I do have many recipes. And like old photographs, they are stashed not very neatly or with much organization into notebooks and file boxes. So when NSLS asked me for a maple cookie recipe that we used to make every Christmas I had to go rifling through things to find it.

Going through my recipes uncovers a lot of ghosts, and you never know what you're going to find when you turn over the next card or flip over the next page. A cake recipe in my dad's distinctively bad handwriting--after he retired he'd copy recipes for my mother when we asked her to send us one. Lots of 3x5 cards in my beloved MiL's hand. She was a great cook and a phenomenal baker and was always trying--and sharing--new recipes. None of them would make it into Cooking Light! She liked to send us samples, too, and there is a note (written on notepaper decorated with her favorite flowers) she sent with an applesauce cake for some holiday. And printouts of emailed recipes from my department chair when I was teaching. B started a catering business on the side and loved to share his best recipes. He intended to spend his retirement years cooking, but sadly he died just a year into that retirement.

And then there are the magazine clippings from over the years. Many of them I can picture where we lived and what I was doing when I saved the recipe--the cranberry nut bread I baked the first Christmas in Iceland (the first Christmas we were on our own as a married couple), the gingerbread cookie recipe I saved out of Good Housekeeping when Elder Son was just a baby, now stained with grease marks and flour smudges, the quiche recipe from Better Homes and Gardens that was supposed to be good for all occasions (just vary the fillings), the weight watchers recipes I've collected at various times, and a whole raft of healthy recipes featuring garlic and beans and leafy green vegetables, which I ought to revisit more often.

For years I've been saying I was going to organize all my recipes (and the notebooks they are stuffed loosely in represent the one real stab I took at doing so, before I went off to seminary). But I really wish someone had organized my mother's and my mother-in-law's. It would be a fascinating project to assemble their old recipes the way you assemble a photo album. When I think of my mother I think of her baking fruitcake and pound cake--two things she loved but never perfected--at least not to her own standards. NSLS and WW have some of my MiL's cook books, but just like the family photographs, I don't even know what happened to my mother's, or to all her handwritten recipes. So much history lost there. So many ghosts.

Things done and left undone...

As seen all over; things done in bold.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain ~just a little bitty one
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo ~only if chanting the Eucharistic prayer counts!
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea ~does from the beach count?
14. Taught myself an art from scratch ~photography
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables ~tried anyway
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train ~well, I slept overnight on a train, but not in a sleeper car
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run ~as if I could hit anything!
32. Been on a cruise ~dessert cruise on Lake Champlain
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt ~no, but I've seen Geysir (the geyser from which others get their name) erupt in Iceland
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching ~watched whales from the beach
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma ~and then passed out, so it was a one-time thing
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar ~and didn't like it
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book ~no, but published a journal article
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

Telling the story...

in 30 seconds or less--the winner in a competition sponsored by the Church Advertising Network:



~my favorite part? The three wise men...

Perhaps we should work on this...

Holiday extravaganza...

~Today was the annual holiday extravaganza, full of wreathes, greenery, crafts, baked goods and the like. The women of the church spend most of the preceding months getting ready for this event; it is the THE event of the season, and all of the proceeds are used to support charities. Despite much moaning and gnashing of teeth about the lack of volunteers leading up to today, the event was a smashing success.

~One feature of the extravaganza is a silent auction. This year a few people donated antiques, which attract a whole lot more interest from me than most new things would. I bid on (and won!) a set of antique wooden blocks, and a rocking chair. Not sure where I'm going to put the rocking chair, but I really like the style of it, and it fits my body--and I got it for just a bit over the opening bid.

~Tonight I've been browsing the web for Christmas gifts. I might actually get most of my shopping done online. That would be awesome!

~My mother called me tonight, too, to wish me a happy birthday. Readers of this blog may remember that my mother and I have a ....well, delicate relationship. This call went fine--it was very brief--but I had to laugh afterward because my mother apparently has moved to a whole new apartment in a different building in her assisted living facility, which means a whole new address. She doesn't remember when she moved. And she's not sure if her phone number is different--which means I will need to check caller id from when she called, and see if that number matches what I have. I found this out from an offhand comment she made,which led to a question from me. I guess it's a good thing I can laugh about it.

Catharsis

~I mentioned earlier that I had a long session with my clergy coach on Monday. We always touch on practical things--tips on preaching, how my discernment/job search is going, and the like--but honestly, one reason I value this relationship so much is that my coach is someone whom I trust and with whom I can be absolutely honest about how I feel about what is going on in my job. And I know I can trust him to be honest with me, and to call me on it when I am overreacting or misperceiving a situation. So Monday I dumped a whole lot of stuff about what has been going on. Some of it he'd heard before, but some of it was new. And it felt really really good to let go of all of it.

~The subject of empowerment (and the lack thereof) came up. Empowerment has been an issue in my life before, and I've worked hard on it. So it is all the more disconcerting to find myself in a place where I am being systematically disempowered. And it's not just my imagination. Having that last point affirmed was very helpful to me. I can work myself around to a point of wondering if somehow this dysfunctional relationship is all my fault, and that's not a good place to be. I'm sure I'm not blameless--things are never that simple--but it's helpful to hear from someone else with far more experience than I have that this is NOT how things should work.

~I doubt that there is really much I can do to change the dynamics at work rigth now. My task is to do my job the best I can AND not let myself fall into unhealthy patterns --and there are so many ways that could happen. I've had some new insights about that this week, and I feel in a little bit better place. I hope I can hold on to that as we move through this busy busy time of year, and get into the sabbatical planning, which frankly feels a littel bit like walking through a minefield. We'll see.

What a great day!

~Today was crazy busy all day long, but it has been a fantastic birthday, complete with cards, good wishes, remembrances from my kids, a nice phone call from friends, being sung to (twice) and birthday cake. It's been a long time since I had such a fun birthday. Thanks, everyone, for all the good wishes!

~And all that macaroni and cheese? Got eaten. Well, all but a little bit. We had a wonderful Advent dinner, with about 40 in attendance, and we had a greatl time decorating our Jesse tree and celebrating the feast of Saint Nicholas (a bit early), complete with oranges and chocolates left in our shoes.

~I'm really glad tomorrow is my day off--and I do intend to be OFF. Saturday is our big holiday extravaganza at church, but tomorrow I'm trying to stay out of the way--except maybe to do a little early shopping, because they do have some lovely things. And I need to get organized for Christmas--still in a bit of denial that it's only three weeks away!

So let's have a party!

~I've been way too grumpy around here lately, and tomorrow (well, in just a few minutes) is my birthday. Used to be I would never tell anyone it was my birthday, but last year I decided to hell with that, and now I am announcing it. So let's have a virtual birthday party. I'll bring the cake and champagne, you just drop by and visit.

~To get ready for my birthday I made macaroni and cheese for 40! Yes, that is a lot of macaroni (six pounds) and cheese (three pounds) (plus nine eggs and six cups of milk and three sticks of butter). It's only coincidentally for my birthday. Tomorrow we're having an Advent dinner at church and thinking that it would be a very small group (as these things usually are) I thought I'd cook for it. I put up a sign-up sheet as we usually do, but by end of coffee hour Sunday, only about 5 people had signed up--and that's too small a group. So I started walking around asking everyone who was still there if they could come (something I don't normally do) and when two women hemmed and hawed and said, "why this week?" I said without thinking, "Because it's my birthday" which actually has nothing to do with it at all. Then they immediately said, "Oh, yes,we'll come and can we bring cake?" and then I felt a little bit guilty (but I said yes to the cake anyway). Then on Monday I had the parish administrator send an email out reminding people about the event, and suddenly we have 40 people coming. Holy cow. Really I'm thrilled, but that sure upped the ante on the mac and cheese.

~I think I might be rambling here, and that would be because I'm tired, since I only got done making the mac and cheese at 10:30 and this is the first down time I've had all day.

~It being my birthday means that it is only three weeks until Christmas. Yikes! Lots to do between now and then. And today I invited the choir to come to my house between the services on Christmas Eve--what was I thinking? Oh well, it will be fine, and it will give me an excuse to have a nice big tree even though we aren't really doing Christmas here (because we are going to NSLS's house when I am done working Christmas Day).

~Now I really should go to bed. It won't do to be tired and grumpy on my birthday.

Other names meme

As seen at Mibi's:

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names):

Emilee Bennett

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad):

Clarence Bennett

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name):

Morevd*--which actually kind of works for Star Wars

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):

Blue Dog

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live):

It just occurred to me that I've never given the place I live a pseudonym, just referred to it obliquely. Hmmm.....

Dr Village (boring, but the best I can do, or maybe I should just plead the 5th...)

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning):

The Purple Mojito (not sure if that is actually my favorite--I've only ever had one in my life but it sounds good)

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name):

Reom* **

8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): BunnyTracksMilano

Ginger Snap

9.ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name):

Main (no pet right now)

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on):

Twinkle Morgan

*assuming Rev Dr is my first name and Mom is my last name :)

**that actually would make my real first name

On writing--with a question for you, gentle readers

I had a great session with my clergy coach today (about which I will likely have more to say later) and one thing we touched on was how I write--particularly how I write sermons. In fact, I write sermons the same way I wrote academic papers: I read and study and reflect and fill my head up with stuff early in the week, and on Saturday morning, having digested and processed it all, I sit down and write--beginning to end. I usually have a kernel of an idea, something I want to express--but HOW I'm going to express it may not be clear to me until I actually start writing.

I do know about other ways to approach writing tasks because (besides the English classes I've taken over the years) I took a class in teaching writing when I first started teaching. I'm not sure that my writing process is one I would've ever recommended to my students when I was teaching, but it is one that has served me well. And in fact, it continues to serve me fairly well--I get very positive responses to my sermons from lots of people, including my coach. Nonetheless he believes my sermons would be better if I did two things; one involves directly changing my process and the other stretches how I think about things.

I write at the last minute--I write better under pressure, and I am able to edit and revise as I go so short pieces don't need a lot of work when I'm done. This plus a pretty full schedule mean that I write on Saturday mornings--and not just for Sunday--I first preach at 5:00 on Saturday evenings. My coach suggested that I aim at finishing a draft of my sermon by Thursday afternoon. (For two reasons--so I would have time to practice my delivery and so that I might be able to go back and add in stories---see my next paragraph for more on this point.) I'm not opposed to this idea--I find it quite attractive in many ways at least in part becasue such a tight deadline can get me in trouble if an emergency come s up, but I've tried to impose 'artificial' deadlines on myself before and the pressure I seem to need just isn't there. Moreover, I'm not sure WHEN I would have time to write a sermon by Thursday. If I seriously take Monday as a day off, my Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday schedules are really full. I would have to take a hard look at how I organize myself and see if I could rearrange just about everything.

The second issue is more vexing to me because it involves how I think. My coach thinks I should use more examples. I think he's probably correct, and in fact this was an issue when I was teaching well. I've thought about this before, and what I've realized is that when I learn I don't use examples, at least not to the extent some people do. I've always been an excellent note taker, but I rarely put down the examples profs used in my notes. I really noticed this when I started teaching--I am really good at explaining things, but not so good at coming up with concrete examples that are helpful to others. Oh, I got so I could do it, but for whatever reason that's not how I naturally think. So stories and examples don't come to me easily when I'm sermonizing, either. I guess you could characterize my sermons as more expository/exigetical than story-telling.

Anyway. I'm confident from the feedback I get that my sermons are reasonably good, but of course I'd like them to be better. The question I'm coming around to here is this (and I hope academic types as well as sermon writers will jump in if you have ideas/thoughts)--can I really change my writing process just by rescheduling myself? Should I try? How can I get over the need for pressure or impose that pressure ahead of time? And can I change how I think? I know that coming up with examples and stories ought to be simple, but for me it just isn't.

Any ideas?

Sunday afternoon

~It is cold and rainy here...a miserable kind of day, and I am currently snuggled on my couch in my flannel pants and comfy sweatshirt. It's getting dark, reminding me that indeed, winter is upon us.

~In truth, I really like November. I like that it's cold, and the trees are bare and the trees are in stark contrast to the grey sky. I like the first snowflakes (which we don't get so much in November here but we always did in Vermont). I like the shortening days, and the rhythm of the year unfolding. And I try to hold onto all these things as we move into the "holiday crazies" which I don't like so much.

~Today was another good day at church. Although having to cover everything myself (boss is still on vacation) can be a little crazy-making, it all went well, and everything fell into place. It struck me again as I was locking up how much this congregation feels like "my people", how much good will and care and compassion there is in this group of people, how sad I will be to leave them when the time comes.

~We went to Borders for a bit after lunch, and I was surprised by how very little interest I have in shopping. I've never been much of a shopper, but right now, I'm less interested that usual. Not sure why. I have in mind some special things for special people, but beyond that---eh.

~Happy Advent!

A very long but satisfying day

~My day started when I sat down to work on my sermon at 7:30 this morning. I tried to write last night; I thought I had a start--lots of ideas had been percolating--but I ended up starting over this morning. Normally I have until early afternoon to finish, but I had a funeral at 2:00 and needed to be finished writing before noon. Happily I finished up about 11:30 and was showered, dressed, and at church by 12:45.

~There are always lots of details to attend to before a funeral, so I was busy from the moment I walked in the door. It was a big funeral, and people started arriving quite early. Fortunately I managed to be ready when the family arrived.

~I live in a place with lots of "old familes"--I guess every place has these, but where I am now it seems more pronouced to me. The woman we buried today was the matriarch of one of these old village families, and had led quite an interesting and accomplished life well into old age. She was a woman with strong ideas and her funeral clearly reflected her wishes. Very traditional and straight forward.

~The church was packed with people who clearly loved and respected this woman. There is something about a service done in such a group that feels---well, satisfying, proper, right, and that feeling was definitely present today. It was truly a celebration of a life well lived.

~In the congregation was someone I blogged about meeting here. I probably shouldn't notice such things but what can I say?

~My day was only partly done when the funeral was over. I had to proof my sermon, put together the prayers of the people (something I normally do on Thursday), and set up for the 5:00 service--which takes a while because we have lots of extra candles and a table for the altar and other stuff that has to be moved around. And after the service I had to take it all down and set up for tomorrow's 8:00 service, plus check in with the person setting up for tomorrow's workshop to make Advent wreaths.

~By the time I gave the acolyte a ride home and chatted with his parents for a few minutes, it was 7:15 when I walked in the door. Thank goodness for leftovers for dinner! The Kid is out, and I'm relaxing on the couch. And soon going to bed!

Friday Five on Saturday~For whom I'm thankful

~I intended to do this yesterday, but ran out of time....but here are five people for whom I give thanks:

1. My clergy coach and his wife who offer me moral support, sermon critique, and an ear when I need it. I'm not sure I would've stayed sane the last year or so without these two.

2. My friends, especially J who I see rarely but still feel a bond with, D & J with whom I've shared some great moments and awesome vacations, and the many friends I have connected or reconnected with on-line. What is life without friends? You are all dear to me.

3. My little granddaughter who reminds me what is really important in life.

4. My children who have all become wonderful individuals in their own right.

5. The people in my congregation who make my work such a joy, especially M who is my surrogate mother, the bible study group, the Wednesday group...well, I can't list them all, but I am blessed to be among them.

Thanksgiving~Part 2

~The cheesecake turned out really well, if I do say so myself And before that we had turkey (well, the Kid did), cornbread dressing, mashed potatoes with rosemary and garlic, gravy, cranberry sauce and roasted green beans. We have enough leftovers for a small army--but the Kid likes leftover, so that's a good thing.

~Dressing or stuffing? I grew up with dressing (always cornbread with sage, onions and celery) that never saw the inside of a turkey but was delicious nonetheless. Now the Kid wants ot call it stuffing even though it still doesn't see the inside of a turkey. So is "dressing" just a southern thing?

~I missed family and friends yesterday, but it was a relaxing, low key day. I was in the kitchen much of the day, but I didn't feel pressured, and if dinner was an hour later than we'd planned....well, so what?

~And what would Thanksgiving be without some mention of what I am thankful for? This year I am of course profoundly thankful for my beautiful granddaughter, and as always my children .For my health, and that I am able to pursue my calling. And I am especially grateful the friends who help keep me sane (more about that in my Friday Five post to follow.)

Thanksgiving ~ Part 1

~in which the cheesecake is in the oven and I tax my kitchen appliances to their limit.

~So far this morning I've made a vat of cranberry sauce--my own special cranberry sauce--and put together a pumpkin cheesecake that is now baking. It's the cheesecake that taxed my kitchen gadgets. I own neither a food processor nor a stand mixer. A couple of years ago I bought a combination blender/food processor. It's not bad, really, but the processor bowl is smaller than an average size Cuisinart would be, and making the crust (gingersnaps, pecans, butter and sugar) just about maxed it out. In fact, there was a tiny puff of smoke at the end, although the motor didn't smell like it was burning.

~And then there was the batter...I have a pretty decent hand mixer but it barely cut it mixing all that cream cheese. My mixing bowl wasn't quite large enough either, so we had lots of spatters at the end. I think if I were going to bake more often I would definitely invest in a stand mixer. I wish I had my mother's old one. She had an old Sunbeam Mixmaster that I think belonged to her mother. She used it for years; it still worked when she upgraded to a Kitchen Aid when she started making sourdough bread and rolls every week.

~When the cheesecake comes out of the oven, the turkey breast goes in. That's for the Kid, who is something of a purist when it comes to Thanksgiving. I offered salmon and was met with a resounding "No way!" (I offered to take him out, too, and got the same answer). The cornbread dressing and veggies will come later. And maybe there will be pictures.

Random bits of the day before Thanksgiving

~This was one of those days that just got away from me. I had a plan, I knew what had to be done, but everything took longer --LOTS longer--than I anticipated. Of course, the list is not finished, but close enough for today. I rushed out of work just in time to get to the bank about two minutes before it closed. Which is a good thing, trust me.

~Tonight was our community ecumenical Thanksgiving. Where I live is sort of the heart of Thanksgiving land, and the church where the service was held is the oldest Congregational church meeting house in the world today. With all that, you'd think the service would be packed--but it wasn't. Nonetheless, it was a nice service, with a reflection focused on what our kids ought to be learning about Thanksgiving in school. My part was minimal, but I enjoyed participating more than I had anticipated.

~A few years ago, NSLS made pumpkin cheesecake for Thanksgiving, and it was teh awesome. I had planned to make a pie this year, but at the last minute decided to try the cheesecake. I haven't made cheesecake in years, so we'll see tomorrow if this is a good idea or not.

~It's really hard to cook Thanksgiving for just two people--I mean, you can justify 4 or 5 side dishes if there is going to be a crowd. But for just us? Not so much. Although I laid in broccoli, green beans, Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes and white potatoes. We don't have to eat it all tomorrow, right?

~Check in tomorrow for the final menu :)

~ I think this is the first time we've had Thanskgiving at home since my last year in seminary. I'll miss seeing family, but in a way it's nice to be home.

Really, I don't know why I'm surprised

~Recently I've been coming home from work just flat out exhausted. Bone numbingly tired. So tired my eyeballs hurt. I've chalked it up to lots of work and not enough sleep.

~Today I stayed at work until after six. The Kid wasn't home and I was working on the newsletter which I MUST finish asap, and I lost track of time. But when I got home, I realized that I wasn't nearly as exhausted as I have been lately. Haven't gotten more sleep. Still lots to do. Hmmm...

~What is the difference? The boss is on vacation. And the atmosphere at the office is completely different. And so is my mood.

~I've never been in a work situation like this before. And to be perfectly honest, if you met my boss you'd probably think he's a lovely guy--warm and friendly and outgoing. He's probably good at a lot of what he does. But the office is toxic right now, and I don't like what it does to me. I've been working on focusing on the positive and doing my job. Still....it's hard.

~The good news is that in 3 1/2 months he's going on sabbatical. And hopefully when he gets back, I'll have a new job. Keep your fingers crossed.

~In the meantime, I still need to get more sleep :)

So $70 billion wasn't enough?

~I keep listening to the reports on what kind of bailout....er, economic stimulus package will ultimately be needed. One estimate tonight--$700 billion. Does that much money even exist?

~Seriously, it all feels like so much smoke and mirrors to me. Let's just print some more money and be done with it. That makes as much sense to me as all the rest.

~Did I ever study economics? No, why do you ask? :)

~But I do like hearing President-elect Obama talk about creating jobs by rebuilding the infrastructure. Sad that it takes a depression for us to embrace that idea.

It's that time of year

~This is the time of year when I start to get really grumpy. I don't want to, I don't mean to, but it usually happens. I have a bad history with Christmas, and even though the last few years have had lovely holidays, this time of year still gets me down.

~Last year I swore that I would shop and decorate earlier this year, and to that end I've been thinking about Christmas presents. Last week we had to go to the mall for the Kid to get some new earphones, and while I was there I saw something that I thought might be a good Christmas present for someone in the family. So today I went back to get it--but of course they were all out and don't know when or if they'll get more. Even when I try to shop early I'm thwarted (although I guess by many people's standards, this isn't early.)

~We're having a low key Thanksgiving--just me and the Kid. And that's really okay with me. We'll cook Thursday and then eat leftovers the rest of the weekend, because I'm sure we'll cook way more than any two people need. I like cooking Thanksgiving dinner and since Thursday is the only day I really have off I'm fine with just staying home.

~The dryer just stopped--as soon as I get the Kid's fleece out of it I'm going to bed--maybe I'll even get there before midnight!

NaBloPoMo and other random bits

~This is my third year of doing NaBloPoMo, and 2/3 way through the month, this is the first year that my number of visits per day has gone down and not up. It could be that I've had nothing interesting to say; it could be that people are twittering now instead of reading blogs, it could be any number of things, I suppose, but it has been surprising.

~I've wanted to write more this month, but honestly I just haven't had any time. By the time I get home at night I'm so tired I can barely put two thoughts together, and I fall asleep on the couch.

~Does this make me go to bed earlier, try to get more sleep? No, it doesn't. I've haven't been to bed before 12:30-1:00 am in over a week, despite promising myself I'd try to get more sleep. What I do is really stupid.

~But I think I know why I do it. I just need a period of time to myself--no one else around, quiet, and I can just be. What I' doing is less important than getting that time; it's been true for years.

~It has been COLD here the last few days, surprisingly cold for November. And that after a pretty mild fall overall. We even had a dusting of snow on Wednesday. I don't mind it being cold this time of year. When it's still cold in April, then I'll mind!

Weird night

~I have thought of a number of adjectives to describe tonight, but for now, I guess I'll stick with weird, although surreal, uncomfortable, and "I couldn't have made this up " also come to mind.

~Backstory: The church has a dinner club of sorts. People sign up and are assigned to a different group each month; goups meet at someone's home, and the groups are usually 7 in number --why 7 I have no idea. I'm not signed up, but I sometimes get invited as a substitute--which happened this week. The hosts were a couple in their early 80s (although if you saw them you'd guess early 70s at the most) who've been married a long time and really love each other and are just very nice and smart and interesting people. So when M called to invite me, I said yes without reservation.

~Of course I had no idea who else would be there but I wasn't too concerned about it. Until I got there and found out that one of the couples was my boss and his wife. Now some of you know already that in earlier posts when I talk about difficulty at work, I'm talking about my boss, although I try not to say it directly too often here. On the surface we are cordial to each other, but just below the surface is what I'll describe as an undercurrent of tension, maybe even hostitlity. Recently he barely speaks to me or looks at me directly except when we're having necessary work discussions.

~And the other couple are nice people, although a bit eccentric. She is somewhat demanding and has in recent months taken to sending me emails at 1 am complaining about this that or the other--which I mostly ignore.

~So it was a weird mix of people. Really. But I know how to be nice, so I put on my happy social face and had a lovely glass of wine before dinner.

~And then there was dinner. I don't make a big deal about being a vegetarian, and I generally eat whatever there is (always hoping it won't be steak or some such). And tonight it was some kind of meat stew--sort of like stroganoff with cauliflower and served on brown rice. So I just took lots of cauliflower and avoided the hunks of meat and it was fine. Until I was helping clear the table and looked at the open cookbook in the kitchen. It was veal stew. Veal. The one meat I didn't eat for ethical reasons even before I became a vegetarian. I am SO glad I didn't know it was veal beforehand.

~So I made nice and ate food that I otherwise wouldn't have, and then I blew my cover as a vegetarian when Eccentric Lady and her husband started talking about how unhealthy all the vegetarians they knew looked and Boss and his wife chimed in. Without thinking about it I blurted out, "I'm a vegetarian." And then hastened to reassure my hosts that it was okay, I easily made exceptions for reasons of hospitality. And felt a little bad, because I really like the hosts and thought I might have been rude. Sigh.

~The evening ended about 9:15 and I drove home. When I got in the house I reached in my pocket to get out my phone to check for messages--and I didn't have it. I left it at the hosts' house. And I needed to call the Kid--whose phone number I never memorized because it's programmed in my phone. Fortunately I found it in caller id in the house phone. (It's a little alarming how bereft I feel without my phone, which I hope I have time to retrieve tomorrow.)

~Overall, it wasn't a terrible night. My hosts are interesting people and told some great stories. They live in a funky old house, filled with her artwork. But really, I couldn't have come up with a less likely group to spend time with. And now my introverted self is exhausted and needs to go to bed.

Another quiz

Because I'm just too tired for anything else...

You Are Chess

You are brilliant and shrewd. You can often predict what people will do in the future. You thrive in complex situations. You deal with contradictions well. You can have many streams of though going on at your mind at once. You keep track of things well. You are very patient. You have lots of endurance, even when your energy dwindles

What Board Game Are You?

I wish I had her hair

This is the second quiz I've taken where I've gotten Katharine Hepburn as my result...interestingly enough, the questions were quite different. Now if I just had her hair... i always loved the way she could just pull it up in a knot and look so elegant.

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Katharine Hepburn

You scored 14% grit, 19% wit, 48% flair, and 29% class!

You are the fabulously quirkyand independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Setting things straight

~Terri Gross interviewed Bill Ayers on Fresh Air today, and it was fascinating. I don't think I'd ever heard of Bill Ayers before Sarah Palin brought him up during the campaign. Yes, I'd heard of the Weather Underground, but I was a tween/young teen in the sixties, and just didn't pay that much attention to the details of the anti-war movement.

~Ayers is thoughtful and well-spoken, and he raised some really excellent questions about what "terrorism" means, and about EVERYONE needing to take responsibility for what the roles they played during the war. I was prepared to be a little hard on him, becasue I am a pacificst at heart, and he readily admits that he endorsed violence (although he maintains that it was always directed at property, not people)*. But I'm also the mother of an activist dughter and in his explanations for the decisions he made, I hear echoes of her thinking. Ayers didn't excuse what he did, and he didn't apologize--but he did put it in a context that made Palin's and the McCain campaign's characterizations of him, and the implied slurs on Obama for being associated with him seem all the more overblown.

~I won't rehash all of Ayers' arguments (listen to the interview--it's worth it). But the thing that impressed me the most, I think, was his calling for a truth and reconciliation commission (similar to what took place in South Africa after the end of apartheid) so that everyone involved in the war in any way might come to terms with their roles, that an honest look at what the war in Vietnam--and those in Iraq and Afghanistan--really mean, what they cost in terms of human life and erosion of the human spirit, so that real healing migth take place.

~I don't think that Obama and Ayers "palled around" in any real sense, but I have to say that after hearing this interview, if they had it would've been a good influence, not a bad one.

*and he maintains that he supporst non-violent resistance these days, which I fully endorse

Lost and found

~So the whole blogging the lost thing hasn't worked for me yet. I've looked EVERYWHERE I can possibly imagine the discs being and then some, to no avail.

~I hate losing things like this when I know where I had them last but can't imagine where they could be now. Now I'm debating whether I should just replace parallels--I was going to upgrade it anyway. But the other missing disc is Bibleworks, and I can't afford to replace that right now.

~I had to go in the crawl space today to find something else--we have crawl spaces tucked under the eaves in a couple of different places, and I have moving boxes and other things I don't need on a regular basis stored. But in moving things around to find what I needed (some pieces of flooring for the construction guy who is finally finishing the work started last summer) I found two more boxes of baby stuff I'd saved. NSLS and I went through some earlier when she was here, but I had the feeling I had more somewhere--and I do.

~I wonder what else I'll find when it's time to pack up and move again? Probably my software, long after I need it.

Blogging the lost

~It seems to work for other people...so here goes. After my hard drive crashed last spring, I never reinstalled my Parallels program, but a couple of months ago I got it out to do so. I carried it back and forth to work with me a few times, and left it out for a while but never got around to do doing it. But this week the computer guy at work fixed it so I can have remote access to the network, so I really need Parallels to set up Windoze --and now I can't find the software. Argh. I found the Windoze disk and the other software I was going to reinstall but no Parallels anywhere. And I have no recollection of what I could have done with it.

~The irony of me losing something like this now is that my house is probably cleaner and more organized than it has been at any other time in my adult life. And I've been pretty careful about keeping computer stuff together.

~The cleaning person could have stuck it somewhere if I left it sitting out--she occasionally moves things around. Or I guess I could have left it at the office...but I don't know why it got separated from the other software I had with it.

~Piffle. I really wanted to get it all set up tonight. Here's hoping the "blogging the lost" charm works for me!

Suffering from a short memory

~It's impossible to miss all the gloomy reports lately about the economy and concerns about energy (even with dropping oil prices) that have filled the news, especially since the election. But as I've listened, I've been dumbfounded a few times by what short memories Americans have, and by how we've failed to learn from our past. Two examples:

~Today on NPR in a report talking about the real estate and mortgage crisis, someone argued that it came about (at least in part) because those making risky loans were convinced that in American real estate prices always go up and real estate is always a good investment, even with high interest loans. But one has only to look over the last 25-30 years to see evidence that that's not always true, nor is this the first time people have ended up holding mortgages greater than the value of their homes. When we bought our first house in 1979 the interest rate was 10%, and our real estate agent told us it would likely never be lower. And indeed, over the next few years it continued to climb--as high as 16-17%. When Ronald Reagan came into office he immediately canceled a number of programs that helped lower income people afford houses with those rates and house prices tanked. We were living in an area with lots of military families who had been encouraged to buy homes as good investments, and who needed to sell those homes when they received orders to a new posting, and suddenly those houses were an albatross rather than a good investment. Sound familiar? (It's not lost on me that just as in today's crisis the first victims were those who could not have afforded to buy without special loan programs.) And when I moved to Vermont in the mid 90s, I could afford my condo only because real estate prices had stagnated for several years and condo owners in the area just wanted to get rid of them. I know that the mortgage crisis this time around cuts deeper and perhaps has more complicated causes, and of course I'm no expert. But I just don't see how people who ARE the experts could believe that real estate is always such a sure thig. Were they naive, greed, stupid--or all three?

~During the energy crisis in the mid 70s, Jimmy Carter had solar panels installed on the White House. I remember that energy crisis well--when there were lines at the gas pumps, speed limits were lowered to 55, and Americans were urged to conserve energy at home--but I don't remember the solar panels. At any rate, again after Reagan was elected, the energy crisis abated and Reagan not only had the solar panels removed, but he also pulled the funding from the agencies that were working on developing solar energy and other sustainable energy sources. This little tidbit was in the context of a report on fears that since oil prices had decreased so dramatically the pressure was off for developing more fuel efficient cars and alternative sources of energy.

~The philosopher George Santayana said, "Those who fail to remember the past are condemned to repeat it." Perhaps we should pay greater heed to that notion.

This may be my favorite silly quiz...

The Ultimate Color Test

When you are at peace, you are: Deeply stable When you are moved to act, you are: Unorthodox and idealistic When you are inspired, you are: Creative and productive When your life is perfectly balanced, you are: Totally in the moment Your life's purpose is: To change the world

The Ultimate Color Test

Work--the unbloggable

~I have started, in my head and on the computer, at least forty eleven different posts about work in the last few months, but none of them have been published. As much as I want--really, really want--to blog about all the cr@p sh1t, um, stuff going on, actually doing so makes me very uneasy, so I don't.

~But really, it gets ridiculous. More ridiculous, I should say. The tension that is floating around just below the surface is affecting everyone--the staff, the congregation, everyone I think except the one person at the center of it.

~In all this, there are some moments of grace. A support system has emerged, after I despaired of ever having one here. I know that they are willing to listen, and to give advice when it is sought, and just to be there. They have helped me to realize that some of the things I worry about are not just my imagination, or me being difficult, and I greatly appreciate that validation.

~And my day to day work goes on, mostly just fine. Because I do love what I do. Even when there is more of it that I can keep up with. Well, I mostly love it then :)

~But I also worry about becoming bitter, about developing a bad attitude or learning negative things that will affect my work here or later in another place. Gah. And I worry about all the energy being sucked right out of me. OTOH, I'm too stubborn to let this get the best of me. So there.

~Remind me of that last bit when I need it, okay?

What's next, American Idol?

~I haven't owned a TV in going on 13 years, so there's lots of programming that has come and gone without me ever seeing it. But about a year and half ago, I discovered Grey's Anatomy, first on DVD and then on-line. Recently it's become my habit to download the newest episode on Friday and watch it while I eat lunch.

~So a couple of weeks ago when GA was over, I idly clicked on the list of available shows, and then clicked on Dancing with the Stars--sort of fun to watch in a mindless sort of way (and I really need mindless these days). Cloris Leachman was a hoot (but no more, alas) and Susan Lucci dances nothing like I'd imagine Erica Kane would. She's really pretty restrained.

~Over the course of a couple of days, I managed to catch up with this season so far. And have been checking weekly to see who is the next to go. Silly really, but as I said before--mindless at a time I really need it.

~So is this the beginning of the end of my "no TV" life? And what will come next? Stay tuned!