Breaking radio silence

to wish everyone a very happy new year!

I've hardly blogged at all this year. I've thought about it more than I've actually done it. Around the first of November I toyed with the idea of signing up for another turn at NaBloPoMo, and wrote a long catch-up post, but I was using my iPad, and there was some glitch that prevented me from posting it, or even saving it. And that was that.

So in most ways, it's been an uneventful year...but here are some highlights (if you know me on FB, much of this won't be new.)

~I became a grandmother again in May...Sweet Baby C, sister to J, was born on the day before Mother's Day--a wonderful gift! J still loves being a big sister, and C of course is adorable.

~Came home from a wonderful vacation with family in Maine and Vermont just in time for Irene's arrival, and the loss of our power for 4 days. The Kid and I survived by spending a lot of time in *bux and Barnes and Noble which were open in a neighboring community. I am not meant to be a pioneer woman--I like my conveniences!

~And then we were hit by the freak October snowstorm and we lost our power AGAIN for four and half days. It was so cold! Luckily friends invited us to come stay with them in the city, and we were outta here. I don't think I could've stayed in this cold house all that time. I repeat: I am NOT a pioneer woman!

~My biggest achievement for the year is FINALLY doing something about my weight. I started Weight Watchers for Lent without really saying anything to anyone. By Easter I'd lost about 12 pounds, and I just kept going. As of today, I've lost 60 pounds--about 12 more to go to reach my goal. I've needed to lose weight since the Kid was born (20 years ago!), and I've tried a few times with very little success. I'm not sure why, but it just clicked this time. When I started I didn't have a long-term goal; as suggested by WW I've set several short term goals, but I have to say that now the more I lose the more motivated I am to keep sticking with it.  And trying on new clothes (while BAD for my budget b/c I've had to replace EVERYTHING) is actually fun these days.

~My way of eating, and my attitude about food have completely shifted--once again I didn't set out to do that but it evolved. I never wanted to go on any kind of diet that eliminated whole categories of food, and one of the things I like about WW is that you can eat anything as long as you are intentional and keep track. Even so, these days I eat no bread, no pasta, very very little sugar, and tons of fresh fruits and vegetables. I've been mostly vegetarian for several years, but  I don't even cheat for bacon any more...a little tuna or salmon or other fish is about it, and I guess technically that's not meat.

~I do love me a skinny peppermint mocha as a treat!

~Perhaps even more remarkable, I've started exercising. My church rents space to a woman who teaches aerobics and Zumba twice a week, and after Thanksgiving I started attending those classes. I feel way too uncoordinated for Zumba (honestly I think I'm kinesthetically dyslexic, if that's possible) but I'm trying to stick it out. And even beginning to think about going to a gym (shudder!)

~People ask me if I feel better; the truth is I didn't feel *bad* before losing weight, but I do feel better now, in ways I didn't expect. My feet don't hurt like they did! I'm stronger. I have more energy. It's good!

~The Kid, who lived in NYC much of the last year and a half moved back in with me in August, and then moved to Vermont to live with WW at Thanksgiving. So my nest is completely empty now--he doesn't have any reason to come back for weekends or breaks like he did before. It's kind of weird. I adjust, and there are things I appreciate about living alone. But it's kind of lonely, too. He was good company. And I miss his music.

~Work is, well, work. It has its ups and downs,  its joys and its unbloggable parts. It is what it is for now. Maybe more about it later.

~I've barely touche my "real" camera this year, relying heavily on my iPhone. I miss photography though, and I'm hoping to make it a habit again this year. We'll see.

~I miss my blogging peeps. I keep up with lots of folks on FB and G+, and I still read blogs, but it's nto quite the same. We had a real community going for a while.

~I have to keep reminding myself that it's Saturday and I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. Christmas and New Year's on Sunday make the week feel out of kilter somehow.

~This time last year we had a foot of snow, but tonight it's relatively warm and foggy, and I'm happy to be snug inside my house and not out on the road somewhere.

~Almost midnight...happy new year!  May 2012 be filled with joy and blessings!

Another test

Testing from my iPad

Testing

I fixed the last problem... but when I tried to post earlier this week, thinking I'd do NaBloPoMo one more time, I kept getting an error message. My post just disappeared--didn't even save as a draft. Let's see what happens this time!

ETA: So maybe the problem was with using my iPad?  Hmmm.....

Long time, no blog..

and now my page keeps disappearing after I log on....so weird.

Lord, have mercy

I grew up dreading nuclear war. I don't remember bomb drills in school, but I remember when magazines regularly ran articles about how to stock your backyard fallout shelter. I remember the black and yellow signs adorning public buildings, telling us we could take refuge there, and I remember the boxes of non-perishable food and barrels of water that you could sometimes glimpse passing through such areas. I remember the Cuban missile crisis, and my mother sitting on the edge of the couch, watching the news reports back in the days before 24-7 coverage, when a news bulletin interrupting a regular broadcast means something really momentous was happening. I remember Three Mile Island and Chernobyl and anti-nuke protests.

But I never imagined it being like this: a holocaust brought on by an event already tragic in its own right, a melt-down of such vast proportions, one that seems to spiral ever towards apocalypse. The NY Times says it's not yet as bad as Chernobyl; maybe it's just the non-stop pictures and commentary and the story of the last 50 workers left trying to prevent further catastrophe that make it seem much worse. Or maybe it's that I'm older and catastrophe seems more real to me, finitude more certain.

Nothing comes without cost; the people of Japan have more than once paid a tragic price for whatever good has come out of humans' ability to spilt the atom.

Lord have mercy on the people of Japan. Lord have mercy on us all.

Friday Five~All about cars

I think I've written about this before, back when memes were all the thing, but here goes:

1. The earliest recollection you have of a family car
A black Plymouth two door sedan--probably a 1950 model? The front seats just folded forward without any kind of latch for us to get in the back, and I can remember sitting in the front by my mother who would always throw her right arm out when she braked, as if to hold me in place. No seatbelts, no car seats in those days. That car was replaced by a white 57 Ford with blue interior. I vividly remember my mother bringing my youngest brother home from the hospital in that car.

Later we had this car (56 Dodge wagon; apparently tri-tone paint was all the thing.) From this picture you can't really tell how absolutely HIDEOUS it was. We got this used and had it from the time I was 7 or 8 until I was in 8th grade. By then I was mortified to be seen in it. I was ever so grateful when my parents replaced it with a boring blue Chevy wagon--the car my dad drove into the river (see below). 


 2. The first car you drove when you could (legally) get behind the wheel yourself.

A green 1963 Corvair--with lots of rust spots that I covered up with daisy decals--hey, it was 1970, what can I say? I loved that car, but it used as much oil as gas and broke down frequently. THAT one was replace by a 1971 Pinto--did my parents know how to pick them or what?

3. A memorable road trip

When I lived in Iceland we decided to take a camping vacation around the island in our 72 baby blue Beetle (I've written about that trip in detail before.) The first day out a rock flew up and broke the windshield, but a local repair person was great about getting it fixed pronto. We forgot a piece of the tent pole and were bailed out by some great folks at a local hardware store at our first overnight stop (Akureryi). We forded a stream. We tackled back roads that led us to remote places. The Beetle was great, and thus my life-long love of VWs (I've had a Rabbit and a new Beetle since then, and they've been my favorite cars.)


4. The car you drive now. Love it? Hate it?
I drive a dark grey 2010 Subuaru Legacy and I like it a great deal. It's the only brand-spanking new car I've ever bought on my own, and it has amenities I've never had before--heated seats!  a sunroof! among others--and AW drive which is why I chose a Subaru. It's a pleasure to drive. BUT I kinda miss my little red Beetle which I owned for 9 years. That car had personality!

5. An interesting story that involves you and a vehicle. (No, I do not have a dirty mind!)
How about the one where I was driving to my grandfather's funeral with my three kids, then about 11, 8, and 5--we pulled into my parents' driveway and my older son said, "Mom, there's smoke coming from under the hood!" I scoffingly said, "Oh it must just be some steam or something." He insisted so I popped the hood and sure enough, there were flames in the motor. I ran into the house yelling for someone to come help--my car was on fire! My father and brother-in-law thought I was just being an hysterical female and took their time, but when they got there the whole motor compartment was engulfed in flames. The firefighters arrived quickly and got it out before it reached the gas tank (!) but the car was a total loss. 


Bonus story--my parents gained some notoriety when I was in high school when my dad drove our car right into a river. Out for a Sunday drive they stopped at a small one-car ferry, and my dad left the car running while they waited for the ferry to get back to their side of the river. He heard a noise under the car, and when he opened the door and leaned out to check on it, his foot sipped off the brake and hit the gas, and into the river they went. Now my dad couldn't swim, so it's probably a good thing that he fell right out of the car, but my little brother and my mother sat in the car while it sank--which I don't think took too long--and then rolled down a window to get out (I worry now about what would happen with electric windows!). I was at home and my dad called me to say they'd be a little late because they had run into a "little bit of water" Ha! Later they arrived in a state police car, dressed in what I remember looking like the Beverly Hillbillies clothes. Of course I was mortified when it was on the front page of the local paper. 


Bonus: Good car music = oldies rock and roll, but often when we travel the Kid and I listen to Harry Potter--no matter how many times we've heard it, it's still good. 


And a fwiw....I have never been a car buff, but I have an uncany ability to recognize cars from the 50s through the 70s. It's weird, but the Kid will verify it. 

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday is always a poignant experience for me as I impose ashes on the wrinkled foreheads of octogenarians and on the soft sweet brows of children and repeat; "Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return."

So my 40th high school reunion is this year (yes, I am THAT old, and I expect that this reunion will provide much blog fodder in the months to come.) I haven't been back to the town where my high school is in more than 20 years. My parents moved away from there not long after I graduated, and since I was divorced from tFoMC (my high school sweetheart whose parents lived there) there has been little reason to return. I haven't attended any reunions. I'm not sure why I didn't go to the 10th; at the 20th I was in Florida in grad school and pregnant with the Kid, and if there was a 30th I didn't hear about it. But thanks to FB, this one is attracting a lot of attention and I'm seeing names of people I havent' thought of it, well years--40 years for some of them.

Tonight just before my last service of the day I clicked on a FB message from our Class of 71 group, only to find a list of class members who have died. Oh my. Seeing those names of classmates, friends, crushes, even though I haven't thought of them in years, was sobering. The girl who tried to commit suicide in 10th grade. The guy who married his 8th grade girl friend. The funny girl who rode my bus. The president of the student government. All gone on to greater glory. 

I went into church and sat in the quiet before the service and I thought about ashes. Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return. 

Rest in peace Leslie, and Susan, and Susan, and Joey and Ralph, and Kenny, and Audrey, and Trudy, and Lee, and the ones whose names are unknown to me. Rest in peace. 

Friday Five~~Fave Verses

I'm an Episcopalian, and we're not known for being as "biblical" as some denominations (although I would argue that point; while we don't emphasis memorization of scripture, we don't do "sword drills" and such, and we don't tend to read the bible literally, we do hear 4 pieces of scripture in every Sunday service, and our liturgy is FULL of scripture). I grew up hearing bible stories, but it wasn't until I was an adult that I really learned anything about the bible. It was transformational for me when I realized that it really did have something to do with how I lived my life. So following Songbird, who once served on a search committee that asked candidates about their favorite bible verses, here are (some of) mine (in no particular order):


1. Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God (in Christ Jesus our Lord.) 

Not too much I can say about that. I have this embroidered on my white stole. I believe it. And the parentheses? Well, I tend to be a universalist when it comes to the love of God. I know it through Jesus, but others know it other ways.

2. Micah 6:8

He has told you, O mortal, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God? 

If you get an email from my realname address, you will find this as part of my "signature." Another one that just kind of says it all for me.


3. Matthew 25:44-45

Then they also will answer, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?” Then he will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.”

This is why I give money to street people. This is why I believe in universal health care (and other things that earn me the label 'bleeding heart liberal' and 'socialist'.) And it sort of goes along with the caution about "entertaining angels unawares." Maybe it appeals to me because I grew up in the "war on poverty" era, believing that we are called to care for one another. Or maybe I believe that because this is in my 'collective conscious' (to be Jungian about it.)

4. Matthew 5:38-48

‘You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you

‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters,what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Like the passage above, when I first read and heard this seriously as an adult, it seemed to give validation and purpose to things I already (sort of, mostly) believed. Maybe that's bass ackwards, but that's how it is.

5. Matthew 6:34

 ‘So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

My New Testament prof used to quote this all the time during our first year of seminary, and it was always very comforting to hear it--still is. Something I try to remember.

Wow, in writing this post I realize that I have a LOT more favorites than I realized, because I have only touched the tip of the iceberg here. Now if only I lived them out as well as I should...a work in progress. 

Biblical verses from Oremus Bible Browser  Because I don't know them all by chapter and verse!

Friday Five~~Holiday Redux

As I just posted below,  November and December kicked my butt workwise. But Christmas itself I really enjoyed. And so it seems appropriate to reflect on what was:

1) What food item was one of your favorites this year - a definite keeper?

Baked pineapple and cheese for Christmas dinner (usually with ham) has become a family tradition and is a keeper for sure.

2) Was there a meal or party or a gathering that stands out in your mind from this most recent holiday season?

I really enjoyed having my family--kids and grandkids--gathered here for Christmas. Because of our varied and hectic work schedules that doesn't happen every year, so it was extra special. One of my favorite moments was one of the days after Christmas. Because of the snow we were housebound, and we were gathered in the living room around the fire. The Kid picked up his guitar and started playing and pretty soon, everyone in the room had one of the instruments from Baby M's rhythm band set and we were all singing along. It was great.

3) Were you involved in a jaw-dropper gift? Were you the giver or recipient or an on-looker?

Not sure we really had any jaw-droppers, but I think the person who was most excited about his gift was Mr. LS who received the P90X videos from me, and was ridiculously happy about it.

4) Was there at least one moment where you experienced true worship?

At the 5:00 service on Christmas Eve in the parish we joined in with there was a Christmas pageant. I love Christmas pageants, but usually they are stressful because I am worrying about some detail or other. Because I had no responsibility, I could just enjoy it. I was sitting on a side pew up front, and Baby M wandered up and sat on my lap, and for a bit I was able to just be in the magic of Christmas.

5) What is at least one thing you want to make sure you do next year?

I let the stocking gifts fall through the cracks this year, and if WW hadn't been so prepared, there would have been none, so I need to do better on that!

I really loved my tree this year and felt less stressed out about it than usual.  Next year I'd like to replicate that and maybe even buy it a little earlier than usual.

I haven't baked Christmas cookies in years and I meant to this year, but with all the craziness at work, it just didn't happen. I got a new stand mixer for Christmas, and I really want to bake next year for sure.

BONUS: What is something you absolutely must remember to do differently... or not at all!

NO BUILDING DRAMA at church next year...please.

January, thank God!

November and December kicked my butt, workwise. 

I went off to CREDO the second week of November and because I took a couple of extra days to visit my mom, I was gone for 11 days. Right before I left my parish secretary left to take a new position, but a volunteer stepped in, and I left fairly confident, assuming that things were in place so that when I got home we'd ready for Thanksgiving and Advent.

Well, you know what they say about assuming...

 I hit the ground running when I got home--I had a meeting of the nominating committee that very evening, just a few hours after I got off the train. I prepped the Thanksgiving bulletin, I pulled out the Advent plans...

Except I could never get any momentum going. Because everywhere I looked there was a crisis of some sort, a fire to put out, a pastoral issue that needed my attention, a problem with the building, a ruffled feather here and a hurt feeling there. It was as if that Mayhem character from the Allstate commercials had been running amok through the parish.

It was awful.

Of course we kept on ...Advent wasn't bad, really, although I was too rushed to really feel it. But all sorts of things fell through the cracks and/or were done hurriedly--newsletters, getting the results of our pledge campaign really put together, finding candidates for vestry. Some hard conversations were had.  Some grim facts were faced. In the midst of a very sad death and a very large funeral there were moments of grace.  We hired a wonderful new parish administrator. And then came Christmas.

As I've already written, the boilers that heat the church and parish hall both failed in the days leading up to Christmas, and a large steam pipe that runs through our downstairs space sprang a devastating leak. Suddenly all the other crises dimmed in comparison as we scrambled to see how bad the situation really was, and when we found out, how fast we could get the repairs done. And of course, what do to about Christmas.

The decision not to have Christmas in our own building was hard. And it didn't please everyone. But it did bring its own moments of grace. Worshiping in a new and different setting with a congregation that was largely unknown to me gave me a different perspective. As much as I love old beautiful churches, I realized in a new way that we are far too married to our buildings. As much as I appreciate the deep roots people have in congregations where their families have worshiped for generations, maybe it is time for us to think about how we build new communities and develop new ways of being church.

I took most of the week after Christmas off.  After my family left (and it was really wonderful having them here) I just vegged out. Went to the movies twice. Exchanged some gifts. Because I didn't have to preach Sunday (because we had a service of Lessons and Carols postponed from the previous week), I spent all of Saturday doing what much of the world does on Saturday: cleaning and cooking and baking. I think I really needed that time.

Monday morning the whirlwind started up again. Not all of the drama has subsided. I need to really catch up on all the things that fell into or through the cracks in December. We don't have enough candidates for vestry. Our budget deficit is bigger than ever before. We have a third boiler (circa 1975) that could fail--or it could be good for another 10 years; who knows? I need new volunteers for almost everything that happens at church, and I'm not sure where they are coming from. I could be overwhelmed if I let myself.  But I guess that is the nature of parish ministry.

Random bits of blogging the New Year

~In just about four minutes 2010 will be over and 2011 will commence.  I guess it's tradition now for me to blog in the New Year; maybe it's a testament to how dull and boring my life can be that I am sitting here with my laptop every New Year's Eve at midnight.

~For a few years I did the 'year in review' meme in which I posted the first sentence of of each month's first post, but I haven't blogged every month in 2010, so that meme won't be happening here. I've been thinking all day about this past year; in many ways it's been fairly uneventful. If 2009 was the year of change for me, 2010 is the year I had to live into that change.

~Well. it's midnight now--Happy New Year!! I hear fire works going off outside but I have no idea where they are coming from. 

~One of the big parts of living into the changes has been learning to live all by myself. In some ways I don't mind it. I'm an introvert and after work sometimes all I want is some quiet time. But I've discovered that I really miss having kids at home with me. I was never a helicopter parent, never one to call my kids alot when they were away, and never expected to suffer from any sort of "empty nest" thing, but now that they are all out of the house, I really miss them.

~I have never lived near family--we left my father's home town when I was 8, and I've never lived closer than three hours to family since then.  So I'm not used to frequent family gatherings like some people have; it was just never possible. But if I could, I'd move closer to my daughters--I'd really love to be able to see J and M more often and be actively involved in their lives. And I'd like it if the Kid were close by, too. I talk to him pretty often now that he's in the city, and it's nice to stay connected that way.

~The other change I've lived in to is being "in charge." They did tell us in seminary that being rector meant worrying about buildings and money as much  as (or more than) anything else, and it's true. This year has been full of those issues: we lost five out of nine air conditioning units, and two out of three boilers in the last five months. Our budget deficit is so big it's sort of like thinking about the national debt (proportionately). Negativity is rampant. Of course there is much to love about what I do, and I'm glad to be here. But sometimes it is hard not to get sucked into that black hole of despair about how in the world things are going to work out.

~ And now it's time for bed. Happy New Year, everyone. May 2011 be a year filled with blessings!