the one about pa... so there my dad was whistling away at night while playing the current game-of-the-moment, some tetris thing on the itouch...

Me: Pa stop whistling!
Pa: Why! (pause) Oh ya, 7th month now. You know Mama used to stop us from whistling at night cos she believed that "things" would follow you back. (pause) Hmmm hmm hmmm (starts humming instead)

all the while he doesnt look up from his game.

love my dad he always makes me laugh

Labels: pa

  ¶ 9:49 PM 0 Comments

  midday thoughts there are some people who don't flaunt what they can do.
then there are some who flaunt what they can't do

then plus a skinflint who needs a lesson in upbringing.

some people are just so difficult to love.



just some thoughts I get in the middle of the day.  ¶ 8:34 PM 0 Comments

  insecurities if i were to be totally honest, i would say the appearance of KFM has made me insecure.

i think i would feel the same if it were any other new addition, but it helps that kfm is totally obnoxious and has an annoying squeak.

but this insecurity is turning me into something i don't like.

i have to find a way to open my heart and let go of all these negativities.  ¶ 12:24 AM 0 Comments

  kfm i'm stuck in an uneasy balance with no equilibrium. with the introduction of kfm, im having to take it into consideration and settle into a new uncomfortable position.

fuck the rodent. empty vessels make the most noise. i am embarrassed to be remotely connected to her. the powers-that-be obviously don't love me.

i need to learn how to attain nirvana. my life cannot be marred by pollutants.

thank goodness for the support i have. life would be unbearable otherwise.

should there be serious consideration of an exit strategy? but what then? what else? everything else is seemingly fine though, but what if my investments grow and then there's no way out?  ¶ 9:55 PM 0 Comments

  truth i thought i was something i was not.

and the truth made me upset.  ¶ 8:59 PM 0 Comments

  the one about feeling uncertain some blogs depress me.

they make me feel that my life is void of experiences. of pain, of hurt; of everything that magically transforms into motivating factors.

in a twisted way i'm envious.

***

uncertainty is a bitch.

i spent a large amount of time today reading and re-reading what i had written, pondering over the use of each word, correcting sentence structures, deleting whole sentences before typing them back word for word, hovering the cursor over the "send" button a billion times before deciding to read through the note again.

the immense relief i felt after i finally sent it out was much welcomed, but it almost immediately gave way to feelings of inadequacy, of trepidation, of substandard-ness.

i was never a competitive person. I still am not; but I fear being judged as mediocre. It was really uncalled for. Everything that was said by her made me prick my ears up and wonder if it was about my substandard work, for truth be told I was not feeling the spark. it was routine and uninspired and i truly saw no worth in it.

and that lasted until the compliment.

but which only served to make me wonder if she said it out of courtesy and was actually in the process of implementing a major overhaul of it. I want to use flashy and flowery and totally expressive language too, but u show me the platform to use it. then maybe you'll see the mound of debts piling up beside it too.

it is a nerve-wrecking experience to have to write a piece like this that has to go through someone else other than who you are already comfortable with, even if it wasn't a piece of critical importance. no one was there to look out for me. and writing styles are a subjective matter. but such is the nature of my job.

i may be thinking too much. i should take a leaf from the advertisement on TV where the people hear only what they want to hear.

uncertainty is a bitch.



i think i should start blogging more often now.

Labels: work

  ¶ 9:31 PM 0 Comments

  the one about UT... if there was a house in a prime district selling for way below cost price because it's haunted, would you buy it?

but if you were the home owner and you openly market your house as a haunted house, ie "haunted house for sale!", and you ask for a price above the market rate, do you think people would show interest?

i think packaging matters.

*******

I think Unrecyclable Trash henceforth known as UT is a huge whiner. for someone who works out and has been working for more than a decade, i find it hugely amusing that he finds himself cornered by the newer recruits. I can almost imagine him weeping.

I don't give a flying rat's ass how pitiful he makes himself out to be; most people may have a good side but as far as my eyes can see, he is pretty one-dimensional.

The public service is pretty kind. If i had a staff like UT I would never have let him stay past his 1st year. Incompetency and ineptness and a general disability to get along with others is really reason enough to give him the boot.

Office would really be a perfect place without him. He is the scar on an otherwise flawless face; a tear in an otherwise perfect dress; the chink in an otherwise pristine china.

in other words, he devalues an organisation. woe is the place which accomodates him. and woe is my office.  ¶ 8:40 PM 0 Comments