HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! lolX.. had a hmmm... undescribable bdae today.. -touched..

parents say.. at such a young age.. feelings change.. well.. its either they're all wrong.. or im old.. lolX.. cos certain feelings haven't change a single bit.. im not gonna elabroate on wad they are.. but yea.. haha.. its predictable.. lolX..

-jie
im sure tt thing hpned becos of me.. of wad i was planning to do.. yea.. i was just up to the neck.. i tot tt joining u guys = to me cooling down.. lil did i noe tt i CAUSED such a big hevoc.. i was so damn tempted to just leave the prezzies u 2 gave me behind.. and also throw them away.. but i din.. cos they (prezzies) meant alot to me.. like u.. so yea.. im sry. once again..smells good u noe?? thk you.. know u spent the whole nite(?) doing it.. -sobZ./. so touch.. wanna cry. lolX..

-angel
haha.. yea.. no one's totally at fault.. expt me.. yea.. i dun wish to see this kinda stuff hpn again. esp since i KNOW the stuff i do is partly the factor here..

-sam
lolX.. dunno wad to say.. just wanna put ur name here.. and crap abit.. haha.. hmM.. yea.. more gb and cs arh? hahaha..

-j yang & jenna..
also dunno why im putting ur guys here.. just wanna say loads of thks.. and yea.. =)

-everyone hu was there to "sabo" me during camp/retreat
man.. im soo gonna get u guys.. esp kennady.. shimin.. dun cover him.. else u wanna get in my way.. wahahahaha.....

-those in the complete pic
realize tt im the imperfect in the perfectly perfect(??) picture.. im the one causing the un-completeness... im reallie sorry... reallie reallie sorry..

-everyone else
just to say hi.. and thks for everything..

for the record.. some feelings dun i repeat.. DON"T ever change.. it'll be there.. FOREVER...............

why must everything i do have such a bitter and hurtful ending??

life is just.. life.. and as usual.. it sucks.. better still.. why must it suck when i think or trying to do the right thing??

i just hope tt this feeling will not leave.. tt it wun be those kinda things tt lasts for onli just a short while.. a wk.. a mth.. hope it'll last.. for like.. forever.. i dun wanna lose feelings and frenships tt means the world to me.. haiz.. im just crapping.. everythign out.. and not putting it nicely laying it out nicely..

i'm starting to miss u guys.. every single one of u.. sch frens.. and other frens.. im slowly becoming wad i was b4.. a loner.. and i guess i shd just stay tt way... its better for the loads of u. i shdve done tt earlier.. so i wldnt hurt nmore pple..

Here I Am To Worship - Tim Hughes

VERSE 1:
Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

CHORUS:
Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

VERSE 2:
King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in Heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor

BRIDGE:
Ill never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

sam.. this better?? lolX.. im just being crazy larh.. haha....

jealously reared its ugly head........ (in a way)

we were there.. aunty dawn.. posh jie.. angel and me.. was giving posh mum's a tour rnd church.. was going to the rooftop.. when all of a freaking sudden.. a wave of emotions just hit me.. memories just washed back into my mind.. the times where we wld just sit ard at the steps.. just talking.. being there for each other.. and i wld just let her talk.. just to hear her voice.. or the rooftop.. just sit ard.. soaking in the sun.. having fun.. jking rnd.. now.. than.. the feelings just pure pain.. and hurt.. but guess wad?? she doesn't give a damn.. at least i think so.. i dunno.. why am i doing this when im giving a tour?? why shd this kinda emotions just come up fm no where.. when its not there just 10 mins ago.. i was happy.. smiling.. like dis --> =) why?? questions just pop up..

i guess im just too stubbon.. im not giving in to anything.. emotions.. peer pressure.. NTH.. nth at all.. no one can.. nwae.. im not gonna apologize.. no sorries.. just.. goodbye.. and a promise tt i'll nv say hi nmore................

ripped this fm jie's blog..

if a person really IS that important to you. then like. why would you give up so soon?
smthg to ponder abt.. but i noe the ans.. i think i've told u(jie) my ans..yea...

wad the H E double hockey sticks... things have past.. and shd let the past be wad it reallie in fact is.. the past.. yea...

i dunno.. many stuff hpns today.. many errm.. feelings if tt the correct way to put it.. jie and angel came over to my hse.. to wad?? of all things.. clean up my room.. omfg,,, i can't believe it.. lolX.. -mouth opens wide... dan went to reward them at pizza hut.. yea.. i guess tts abt the most hmm.. touching thg tt hpn today.. lolx.. thks gers..

EAMON - Fuck It (I Don't Want you back)
ps... part of the song lyrics are shown

[V1]
See i dont, know why, i liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know that i feel

[C]
Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, it didnt mean jack

[V2]
You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, i heard the story
Ya played me,

hmm.. last day of it.... everything... its just there... but gone.. its like.... u found everything.. dan now.. u have to go on.. and it kinda like. hurts so much.. esp for some stupid reason. and its like.. pain... and reallie reallie very pain... hurts... but.. yea.. things WILL have to go on.. things will change.. but some things dun change.. the friendships we've forged.. (freak.. so LOTR) and im sure everyone of them will keep it..
the pics will always stay on my mind.. the completed pic.. and the one w me and jie.. i will rmb u guys.. lurve u peeps..

wad im missing now is the pics of me brudders.. haha.. but oh well.. no more chance liao.. till the church camp..... counting down b4 seeing all of u guys again..... 3 mths....

Sarah Mclachlan - I will remember you

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly i first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, i wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but i can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But i will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And i will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And i will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

just back fm camp.. lolx.. hmmM.. camp has been great and hurtful.. in a way.. guess i shd've did tt particular thing.. (i walked outta rm filled w gals.. and jie and angel told me tt they were shocked.. esp cleo and liane.. and yea.. the one reason why i walk outta the room.. cried?? comeon.. u sure?? im not worth it rmb? not impt to u rmb?) [i fucking wun humiliate.. even its for fun.. myself in front of u.. i dun want to see ur smile..hear ur laughter.. nor u wasting it on me.. cos HE deserves it.. and HE deserves it more dan me..and i dun... i wun wanna see it.. its a dagger gg thru me heart... i dunno why.. i wanyt u tt way.. and oso.. not tt way..] ..yea.. i dunno.. suddenly.. im just so frigging emotional.. i dunno why.. WHY?? why aint i the person i was b4.. soccer.. more soccer.. and emotionless.. haiz.. things change.. certain stuff hpns and it changes ur entire life.. -sighs-.. why.. sorrie seems to be the hardest word.. and im not gonna do it.. i dun think i will..

2nd day of camp was.. both fun.. exciting.. great.. memoriable..(certain parts) and hurtful.. cleo & liane.. they came visiting.. (well.. tt was wad i tot until.......) haha.. yea.. the whole lot of them were there.. at least the pple i grew up w.. and treasure a hell lot.. the pple.. as far as i can rmb.. sam tan.. jyang.. ujin.. cleo.. liane.. posh jie.. jce.. min.. becky.. angel.. charlotte.. janna.. rebekah (koh).. gigi.. kennady.. anna.. ben ang.. man.. i dunno who else..i was like.. too shocked!! onli person missing is jonah.. and.. yea.. u-noe-who.. tho i kinda did the wrong thing b4 it..haha.. nwae.. yea.. the picture is complete.. and i WILL nv forget u guys.. i SOO lURVE U alL!! man.. they were telling me to cry or wad not.. after the shock.. and im like.. woah.. im soo touched.. and i WAS.. so gonna cry.. and comon.. i dun wanna.. and ur telling em to tear?? NO WAY.. haha.. lolX.. i just so wanna hug the whole lot of u guys.. but i din.. haiz.. shdve.. it was my last chance.. for a while at least.. i dun care.. WE MUST MEET OFTEN.. i will make sure!! wahaha.. screw studies and all.. haha.. man.. touched.. told jie tt i was like.. super emotional.. and omg.. i nearly cried.. haha.. also.. one more thing to be happy.. and proud of.. jie rededicated her life to the MAN.... im so pleased.. and yea.. prouda her.. haha.. i dunno... mabbie its cos i have this emtpy gap in my life.. and she cld fill it.. so yea.. i treasure her alot.. and i noe.. she takes care of me.. and yada yada.. and i can go on till the cows come hm on how gd she is.. haha.. wun go into the mouth -watering details.. but she's a great person.. and a great jie to me.. soo.. yea.. to book.. call.. ME.. wadeva.. lolx.. pics are out.. surprise party pics click them to go see wad reallie hpn.. lolX.. i just wanna focus on the happy things.. =)

my life is like a dried up river.. lifeless..

to U:
i noe wad im doing.. wad i did was to rack up the past.. (in a way).. and tt hurted.. it hurts me.. it hurts u.. but rmb tt u got over it.. i din reallie get over it.. the hurt all came rushing back everytime i see u.. ur face.. ur smile.. the way u do things.. it just comes back to me.. tt once it was.. now it isn't.. and probably wun ever be.. i just dunno how to stop it.. u cld get over it cos i mean nth to u... well.. i may mean nuts to u.. but u mean the whole world to me... i dunno why its just this way.. im always out there.. trying to protect u.. behind ur back.. and im the one getting the stabs fm others.. i get scolded.. screwed up.. and all.. but i held on.. cos u meant the world to me.. and i din want those pple who are against u to hurt u.. so i'd rather get myself hurt FOR u.. u dunno tt rite? well.. u dun.. cos i dun want u to noe.. why?? are u worth all my pain and suffering?? am i worth ur pain and suffering? onli i can ans my Q and u ans urs.. i wun noe urs.. and u wun noe mine..

look.. i WANT to hurt u.... i WANT u to be hurt.. why?? look.. im no cold hearted guy.. i have feelings.. and wad im doing is liken to a dagger.. heated to a very high temperature.. and stabbed into my heart.. again and again.. everytime i do it.. but for all the throbbing pain and the alreadi broken heart.. i noe i have no choice or lil choice but to go thru it.. why.. for the obvious reason.. and something u dun wanna noe.. i have my reasons.. i want u to be happy.. i want u to be happy w some guy too.. and im trying my bestest to do it.. honest.. and admittingly.. i AM trying to push u to HIM.. i dun wan u to just be like this.. tho things are over.. it isn't for me.. and a part of u.. i noe it.. now i can onli hope tt my plan.. tho malicious for now.. will enable ur long term happiness.. cos i noe HE will take much better care of u.. dan i do.. HE has been there for u.. almst everytime u needed someone to talk too.. to cry too.. i wasn't there at all.. moreover.. i marred ur heart..i deliberately did tt.. and the feeling sucks.. it makes me wonder do i even care for u.. but i noe.. tt in the end.. u will be happy with this guy.. cos i noe.. i have faith in the both of u.. tt things will work out well.. i've alreadi given HIM my blessings.. i promised him i will not interfer.. tt i will do anything to improve ur relationship with him.. even tho it hurts me like fuck.. im soo sorrie tt i hurt u.. but i reallie dun have anymore choices.. i have to realize tt there's no more chance.. no more hope.. smthg tt u already know.. and tt i can't accept it.. i have to.. smtimes i even wish tt i cld not hurt u.. and thus sparing any hurt to my heart.. but i noe i gotta do it.. i HAVE to do it.. tho it hurts.. cos u will have a much happier future.. and better off dan knowing me.. i promise u.. i wun leave a trace of me behind..
im doing all this.. one reason.. and i hope tt reason will soon come to an end.. why.. cos i LOVE u ..


to U..

I don't wanna make this
Harder than I have to
This is how it has to be
There's so many things I want to say
But you just don't listen to me

I don't want to hurt you
You don't want to hurt me
I can't stand you
And you can't stand me
We can't rearrange
You can never change me
Say goodbye
Nothing I say could change your mind cuz

[Chorus:]
I can't stay
Tomorrow I'll be on my way
So don't expect to find me sleeping in my bed
'Cuz when you wake up
I won't be there

Everything I say
You find a way to make it
Sound like I was born just yesterday
Everything you taught me
Doesn't mean a thing
So I'm going my way

I don't want to hurt you
You don't want to hurt me
I can't stand you
And you can't stand me
We can't rearrange
You can never change me
Say goodbye
Nothing I say could change your mind 'cuz

[Chorus]

This is the last night
That I spend at home
And it won't take too long
For you to notice
Won't take long for you to find out
That I'm gone

---

side note.. william hung is so friggin immature.. and so not talented.. man.. tml retreat.. omg.. stressed........
U.. u better read it man.. noe u'll be gg to retreat too.. if u dun read.. can smone like.. pass it too her?? and HIM..
jie.. heard ur staying in CBC for good.. im sorrie.. i just can't be ard u... hope u'll understand.. sry..

A warm sensation fills my body
My heart races with every touch
The softness of your voice soothes
My soul
As I lay there hoping the moment
Will never end
Calling out for you
Praying that you'll never let me go
The sensation so strong
I can no longer feel my body
Slowly I fade in and out of reality
In an instant the warm sensation
Fades away
My heart empty
My soul torn apart
Lying there; wondering where I went
Wrong
Calling out for you, only to find
there is no answer
My mind invaded with thoughts
So cruel and unrefined
The sensation of fear of what's to come
Slowly the reality over powering
The lust and fantasy
Leaving me empty
Confused on how to think or feel
The loneliness I feel
So wretched and compelled
Betrayal to myself
Revealing the terrors of my love

When one loves completely, but the love is not returned, they must bestow a most painful gift. That of letting go. For if you love someone, you will do anything you can to make them happy.

No matter how much it hurts.

today was an almst perfect day!! haha.. went to church.. played the bass for yf worship.. for all my time playing.. i think.. this was one of the better worship sessions.. dan ltr went for a lil bit of class.. dan went to pick gigi.. and wen i was like.. waiting for me dada.. my dear da jie surprised me.. haha.. i was like..w alking towards the vending machine.. dan i saw her.. dan she saw me.. dan we were like.. looking at each other.. in my mind was like.. she looks damn bloody familar.. im sure.. dan portia.. haha.. i can't believe!! im like.. whoah!! she looks so diff.. haha.. i was like.. down cast in a way cos i gotta like.. pick me lil sis.. so can't pei me da jie.. sad.... left church.. another surprise.. me mama bitch told me tt we're like.. so gonna take care of rachel again!! woah... another gd news.. haha.. i dunno.. i just like tt lil gal rachel.. haha.. so cute.. lolX dan went to living santuary brethan church.. woah.. i mean.. i lurve tt plc.. in a way.. and freak.. i admit here kaes.. i cried.. while singing one of the songs.. i cried.. cos i reallie felt the HS moving in me.. and i was like.. weak.. i dunno how to describe the feeling.. its soo gd.. haha.. i reallie dunno how to sae.. i can't describe it.. its just a feeling u gtta feel.. nwae.. im cuming back for the next 2 wks.. to finish the topic the pas was on.. it was.. simple and yet cheem.. and indepth too.. haha.. dan after the service .. waited for gigi... long wait.. and yea.. got angel to jio portia out for lunch.. and jin too.. haha.. but cos gigi's lateness..(which was acceptable.. cos she was crying and her fren was asked to recieve Christ) me dada made us eat w them.. (us as in me and gigi).. yea.. and i tot i like.. wun meet my jie liao.. so kinda pissed w me dada and sad.. left for suntec.. and found out tt posh was joining us!! yea.. haha.. happi liao.. lolX.. met up w jon.. waited for his "signing up" for his uni corse at eng.. dan left to meet jie and angel.. yea.. on the way.. ujin called.. said tt he was @ kenney roger's w jon ng.. ndrew.. aaron.. and the like.. yea.. so.. tt was one bad side.. sienz.. but cos.. meeting jie was more impt dan other stuff.. lolX.. yea.. so practically spent the rest of the day w her.. haha.. man.. i sound damn immature.. lolX.. yea.. da jie here.. jie jie there.. lolX.. yea.. the other shitty thing was tt M U lost to M C.. fuck!! 4-1.. bloodly MU defense problems.. FERGI!! go resolve ur stupid f-ing defense.. brown shd be outta there!! he sucks big time!! haha.. yea.. last but not least..
I LURVE ME DA JIE!!
jie.. if u reading this.. rmb.. a promise is a promise kkaes?? dun break it yea?? lurve ya.. lolX..

How evil are you?

freak.. im not bad enough? dang..

"are u hot enough"
there's this Ivy.. whose "arse is soo hot.." tt channel 5 censored it.. shit.. *whines* I WANNA JIO HER!! lol..
her rating
rachel's rating
body - 9.9
face - 9.9
overall - 9.7
sex appeal - 10
u noe the rest.. all super high one.. haha.. got one 10 10 10 10.. all the way.. haha. lolX
woah!! i like this....

fuck man.. some bastards and bitches are like.. ripping fm me.. my ideas. and all. even if u rip.. do sm changes to it.. cos i can't stand it.. dammit.. unless u ask.. FUCK YOU!! u noe who u guys are.. u ripped fm me.. dun copy my style.. my ways of posting.. my html.. ASK me b4 u do it dammit!! i will most prob say yes.. i can't stand looking at an exact replica of my blog.. wad the HELL!! i hate pple who rip fm me.. and i get back at u.. i hate u...

rules to live by...

!) its considered rude to talk to/msg/even stare someone fm a higher class... even if to tell/msg him/her happy bdae or tt his/her mum is being cooked in a cauldren.. cos it will waste his/her time as you are someone whom he/she disregards and you are not impt to him/her.. thus taking off precious time fm him/her.. which he/she can spend with other more impt pple in his/her life.. rmb this.. you are never impt to him/her.. nor are you even the last impt person.. RMB TT!!
2) doing so is considered a violation of the law.. and penalty is death..
3) in the event tt death is unreasonable or to juveniles.. pure torture is to be dealt with personally.. for the total number of days is = to the particular reason why u had to make contact w him/her.. (eg. if its his/her bdae.. days of continuous torture is his/her age... say he/she's 15.. so the total number of torture days is 15 days.. CONTINUOUSLY!)

I'll draw you a picture
I'll draw it with a twist
I'll draw it with a razor blade
I'll draw it on my wrist
And if I draw it correctly
A red fountain will appear
Washing away my sorrow
Washing away my fear


2 Tim:22

22 Flee from the evil desires of youth, and persue rightousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

preoccupied without you, i cannot live at all.
my whole world surrounds you;
i stumble and i crawl.
just to fall....

hmmmM.. soccer and everything and lottsa.. haha..
life totally (almst) is better now.. just waiting for end of mar to come.. dan.. im gonna be soo free fm everything.. haha.. lolX... hmmmM.. one thing.. josiah's gf look reallie old.. duncha ya guys think tt?? i mean.. to my classmates lar.. hmmmM...
went to meet siew wah.. chat chat.... haha.. found a reallie nice and quiet plc to be at.. i wun tell anyone.. haha... lolX.. lolX.. off to work tml.. haha.. just wanna preoccupy myself w work.. and meditation on God's work.. tts all...

Joshua 1:8-9

8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth;
meditate on it day and night,
so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Than you will be prosperous and successful.

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged,
for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go

Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

7 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8 There was a man all alone; he had neither a son nor brother
There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth
"For whom am I toiling," he asked
"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"
This too is meaningless - a miserable business!
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

these are what frens are for.. and im fortunate enough to have frens who do exactly just tt.. lolx..
p/s.. frens.. ILU alot!!! God bless u!!!