Really really cannot take it any longer...

Dear Blog,

I was very disappointed today like many days before but today was the last straw, right now, i badly need someone to talk to.

I'm just a useless bum in the eyes of my dad and has never ever been able to make him proud or anything unlike my brother who was athletic and has won many trophy and done well in CCAs. My results has been better than average but still it was never enough. He does not care, he has never asked about me at all. Just what am i to him? I have 2 younger brothers and I feel that I'm just not necessary at all. All my life since age 2, i have to play the role of the older brother and set an example for them. But they have never followed my example at all? My life has always been to be the self-sacrificing brother, controlled by my dad. I know that he is busy with work and all to give us money but sometimes i just want him to be there for me. All the money in the world can't give me that. That's all i ever wanted from him

I know i have not been doing my best in looking for a job for the past 2 months and have been going out very often and he is worried and all. But i did applied for lots of jobs.

Please let me get the job next week! so that he will get off my back and let me have my peace. Right now, I don't need anyone already. I'm more independent than ever. When i get a job and have enough money, the first thing i'll do is move out and live on my own.

reflection for the month of March 2011

Dear blog,

So many things has been happening this few days, outings, shoppings, dinning or simply just meeting up to relax. I can't understand the need of having to have something to do when we meet up. I'm just happy to be in your presence and enjoying the conversation that we all have together. Why can't we just be at someplace relaxing, have a drink and simply chat about things?

Now that school has ended, Prom has went and past, what else is there left? The things that I look forward to at the moment is only the once a month thing, other than that what else is there left for me? I feel so empty at the moment. The supposedly best friend is changing and taking every opportunity to use me as an target for his slapstick jokes to please a certain someone. First i dislike slapstick jokes the most, preferring puns better but it seems that I'm the only one who appreciates and understand puns. Hmm..

Right now, I'm busy with preparation for my trip to Taiwan this coming Sunday with ShiJie, MinQi, Xing Jie, Nico and Zhi Wei. I'm trying my best to be excited about this trip. It's not because that i have been to taiwan many times that I'm not excited. Its the bad memories that the food is so bad...I hope this time when i go, i will be able to find better food.

Life simply so fragile. The things that matter in the past, did not really matter now that you think about it again. Makes me look so foolish to have value them so much and even quarrel with a friend about it. I really regret the actions to keep myself away from her as I'm too ashamed to meet her in the eye. The 2 year i spend apart from her, has tortured her much. From having to dine alone, study alone, and many more during school days. How can i ever make it up to her? I really want to find a day alone with you and really apologize for my actions. If i knew what you were going through, i would not have stay away for so long. I has assume that you had found some friends and they will accompany you for that year but it seems that when i left, they left too.

Shall end it off here for now, Won't be back for at least 2 weeks.

Signing off,
glaxies

4th post of 2011, outing at Orchard Rd

Dear blog,

Was very excited about today's shopping trip to orchard in the morning that i only slept 4 hours just so that i can wake up early to finished up my work. Right now, I'm left with collation and printing for facility. E-biz, Mango is helping me with it. Thanks a lot to mango today! If not i might never have enough time to do anything, as i have the staff mentor meeting for the in the afternoon and thanks to Mu En for accompanying me.

Had a lot of fun talking with Mu En today, it feels like Year 1 again where we can joke about anything but then this time I feel that I have matured a lot more? or have I become even worst? hmm? thats an answer that i may never know

After that, we went to meet with mango and josh at marina square for shopping!!! Haix I feel so sad that i do not have money to buy any pants..can't wait for tomorrow where i can go shopping with parents. I just need 2 pants and 1 jeans thats all I'm asking for! where can i find pants that cost only $15-20? Jeans i shall buy from my uncle's shop which has a lot of unique design that i like and its cheap cause its from my uncle.

Suddenly lost mood halfway through the shopping trip, why do i feel this way? Is it cause i got no money to buy things? or cause you were not here?

It's a time for reflection right now. I need to decide on my path for future plans. Where do i really want to go? What do i really want to do? How do i go about achieving what i want in life?

Can't wait for next week end if I'm able to finished my DPD by next friday, i shall go on a photography trip if i can get the camera. Anyone up for some photography sessions next sat? *not confirm yet though. Sign up by SMS-ing me tomorrow morning lol! i want to sleep tonight

Signing off,
glaxies

Third post of 2011, counting down to new year and valentine's day-Part1

Dear Blog,

Today seems like an excellent start for a day with nice and calm weather. It gives me a good feeling that i will enjoy today! Later on there will be Napfa training in the evening. I shall run at a constant pace to complete my 6 laps today instead of trying to improve my timing. I sure hope i can get the technique right for standing board jump.

It is going to be an awesome yet packed day of fun! After Napfa, it will be dinner and projects in school! woo~ wee~ i don't think anyone has been excited about doing project other than me! I'm excited about it because of what comes after it! Shopping tomorrow!
I want to watch a movie this weekend, i wonder if she is free? hmm, how should i ask her out?
I'm almost done with projects! After this, I have only 1 more to go! with many presentation next week!

Alright It's the last lap now, but somehow I feel like all the good things is coming to an end. Hope my bad habit won't start again and I will make time to meet up with everyone when I'm free.

Signing off now,
glaxies

second post of 2011, nearing the end of Jan and start of CNY! :P

Dear Blog,

Time has been passing me by so fast that when I look back, I realized that I have been wasting my life away doing a lot of stupid things and wasting time. Time is a type of treasure that we can only keep spending without being able to save it or store in a bank. Thus we have to make sure that we are using it to the best of our ability.

Right now, I am investing time to build the foundation of my future which is studying right now. Studies will help lay my foundation in knowledge and allow me to apply them in the future working industry. I really would like to start a business right now but I have no idea what should i be doing? I need to start a business that can gives me passive incomes without me doing anything but then again such things do not just pop out of nowhere. One has to work hard for it.

Projects is the main focus of my time right now and also, there is this girl my heart has flown to. I regretted that I have not been able to spend more time getting to know her better. I was asked this question by my friend today, do you know why she likes this song? My reply was I have no idea? and that was when it struck me, how can i say i love her when i do not even know her at all. From now on, I will put more time into knowing more about her and i hope this time it will turn out well.

Thanks to a few people who has been offering me advices and support to help me in getting to know this girl. I know what i should be doing now and please trust me, i will succeed!

Signing off now,
glaxies

First post of 2011

Dear blog,

It has been a long time I have blogging but after reading people's blog today I realized something that I should have realized a long time ago. Even people who are smiling now also have problems of their own but they are just stronger and never how it out. What a failure I am to not have realized all the troubles that she has. Under that smile hides a history of blood and battles that she has fought alone now I want to be the one who can stand by her side and fight this battle together with her.

School has been both fun and stressful these days. Have been so busy that I do not have time to meet up with my other friends. I miss scouts a lot more now ever since the year started and I'm free to help out once again. I realized no one informs me of the annual general meeting and thus I was not present and not able to volunteer for a role. Feeling so empty since there was no scouts in my life and I don't even know if she is the right one for me?

This past few days has been very busy with projects and shopping for new year clothings. I'm not sure where should i go to buy some cheap shorts and jeans? sigh..no money = headache

Signing off now,

glaxies

SIP e-journal

heyeh

I'm just going to complain about my SIP for this few days and how much problems i encountered..

E-journal March

First day of work was interesting enough. We were all very excited about what are we supposed to do and what to expect from the job. As we arrived, we were shown around Marina Country Club and given time off to fill up forms. We even got free breakfast from the company. After that, we split up into our different departments and were bought to see our different supervisors. My supervisor was a very nice guy. He gave me and Ming Yang a thorough break-down of what to expect and what are we supposed to do there. He told us just how difficult the job is and asks us on the spot if we can handle it and ask if we still want the job. We told him that we will do our best no matter what the situation requires of us. He gave us the first day off as he does not have any job for us at the moment.

Second day of work was the actual start of my SIP. We arrived early at work at about 9.15 and went to have breakfast before reporting for work as we realized that the office was actually locked. The first person to arrived was a lady who was also a grass root leader of south east CDC. The employees of the company all had previous experiences in running an event from the end-user perspectives thus they do not know how an event is actually being budgeted and designed from the event company perspectives. From our observations, they have detailed discussion about almost every aspect of the event down to the very miniature details such as the height of the backdrop, color co-ordination of the backdrop and etc. They also taught us about how to do budgeting for events to entice customers. Some tactics that was very effective was the lure of free gifts for customers. They are able to do this by marking-up on some areas of the event and all this mark-up will cover up the cost of free gifts.

Third day of work was horrible. We got transferred out of the event company and had to wait for the whole day just for the issue to be resolved. In the end, we got transferred to Sakura. We had to go to the head quarter for signing of contract and getting out uniforms. As we sat there in the office, we realized that their processing of application for new employees was very fast. We only had to sit there for about an hour or so and we were officially the members of Suki group of companies. Their Human Resource department had streamlined the process to only the signing of contract and signing out of uniforms. Other detail such as pay had been already been set and was non-negotiable thus it was simply a matter of applicants just signing the letter.

Fourth day of Sip was the worst day ever. It was the day when I realized that I was cheated by the restaurant manager. I was told that I do not have to handle meat and that was why I agreed to work for them. In the end, the restaurant manager says that even Muslim a recognized religion can work there by just wearing a glove and mine is not even a recognized religion so why can’t I? However the problem here is that I’m a vegetarian and I’m against killing of animals. I might not be able to ask you not to eat meat but I do not want to encourage you to eat meat or event served meat to you.

There was something good though. The people there were nice enough. They taught me a lot of stuff like how they run a buffet line, what are the job scopes of each and every one as I was switched from different areas due to lack of manpower. From bar to floor, thus I learned a lot more than the rest. Some things I learned are that they have a different system of selling the drinks. They made the customer pay a higher price and give them rebates to make the price looks very attractive. However, the rebates can be used to purchase drinks as it is not included in the buffet price or better food such as higher grade of beef.