The Day God Opened My Eyes

 

~Reposted from 2010~

When we moved to the farm six years ago, I wanted to bring our wooden play structure with us. Husby said "no way", and I translated that into..."we'll just get a new one, I guess". I'm not the only one that makes those giant LEAPS of assumption, am I? Fast forward six years, and there is still no play structure, though there are three more little ones. I still think it would be very valuable.

Since I'm not technically saavy, I can't scan a photo of Josh and Jenna swinging on the swingset when they were 2 1/2. So imagine two little blonde-haired cutie pies swinging back and forth with all the energy they have, and I'll tell you a little story about the day GOD OPENED MY EYES.

From the kitchen of our little Craftsman style home in the village, I could look out to the backyard and see the swingset. While I did the dishes that sunny summer day, my very well-behaved, obedient twins were swinging merrily and, no doubt, singing hymns. They were trained to first-time obedience, had impeccable manners, and I was quite proud of the progress I was making with them. So far, parenting was working out fairly well, and I was certain that my methods of control were paying off. Not only did they need to use "please" and "thank you", but I did not allow disrespect or rude speech like "hate", "fat", "shut-up" and grossities like "poop". We instead, used formal and appropriate terms such as "B M". Bowel Movement...I know, laugh at me, but that's what it is.

I was enjoying the sweet sounds and cheery little voices...I was loving mothering.

Hmmm, what hymn are they singing?

And then my parenting world was shaken. With all their might, Josh and Jenna were swinging to the heights saying "Poopy, poopy, poopy!" And back again,"Poopy, poopy, poopy!!!!" And again...and again...and again.

Can you believe it??? They had no idea I could hear them, and that's the day God opened my eyes and began the GREAT CHANGE in my parenting. Now, I'm the first to admit that I am far from wise regarding this whole idea of parenting, and the more children I have, the less wisdom I seem to have. But on that day I began to see that all my efforts were sincerely and earnestly aimed at their OUTWARD BEHAVIOR, not their HEART.

I know there are multiple authors who have dealt with this issue, so I don't need to delve too deeply here, but suffice it to say that the Lord used that little incident to get my attention and show me the need to minister and disciple my children to love the Lord, not simply follow a set of rules and laws.

The twins and I love this story, it makes us laugh. We laugh at their naughtiness, we laugh at my legalism-doesn't-work approach to parenting, and we laugh at ourselves. But I also love the humor God used to open my eyes to a better way. HIS way of reaching the heart of His precious children.

My Great Idea

 reprinted from 2009

My intentions were good...but the results were bad. Just plain bad. The idea came together and seemed to have great potential, and it was even based on sound Biblical concepts. The plan was to have several vintage jars (to add character and minimize the potential look of clutter) lined up on the shelf filled with a variety of candy. Plain and peanut M&M's, jelly bellies, malted balls and chocolate covered raisins. On every jar would be a character trait, with the definition, and each time a child demonstrated that character trait, they could have a reward from the jar. An extra incentive? A sibling could recognize another for displaying a particular character trait. Encouragement, biblical character development, a reward system...it was all good.

After making a small (worthwhile) investment in candy, the jars were lined up and ready to go. We also agreed that we would offer a piece of candy for a potty training incentive, so implementation began immediately. One snag...no ink in the printer. Though the enthusiasm was high, we held off starting the rewards for the older children because I really wanted them to have those character definitions. This would be great learning, and fun!

Each night went by with no ink, no definitions, but I was still doing my share of work. So I felt a little reward would be encouraging to me. And once during the day I needed a little something. And then a handful.At night daddy sometimes needed a little handful too, and just for fun I would join him.

The little ones would always choose the pretty jelly bellies for their potty-training treat (one!), but the older children began to notice the level of candy steadily dropping in each jar. I was guilty, and though I wanted them to exercise self-control, it was clear that I had none. It was absolutely pathetic. So, the jars are empty and put away, and mommy is the poster child for needing to develop the character quality of self-control.

Who Is Teaching My Children???

*Reposted from April, 2010*

Unintentionally, I've taken a small sabbatical from blogging. It has felt like college days all over again...remembering that feeling of back-to-back exams during finals week, and just believing that "if I can get through this week..." I can return to some normalcy.

But guess what? I did make it through last week, and "normalcy" doesn't exist. After having my family up for Easter, then preparing for my sister's baby shower last week, I am scrambling to get caught up (will that ever happen???) with the house, paperwork, laundry, decluttering, spring cleaning, changing clothes from winter season to spring...piles and piles and PiLeS of clothes. Progress can be a bit elusive, but there is some good news... giant stacks of clothing are leaving this house and never coming back!

 ...the farm is busier than ever now that nine little Wilber's have arrived. Some one of us will soon have pictures up of their arrival, and the three little girls right in the middle of the hog pen taking charge and making friends.

Remember the snake habitat? This was the day of capture, and brave little Natalie in charge of transport. For those animal rights people out there, yes, they were set free after a delightful time of education into the life of humans. We don't do much with formal "lab" studies in our science time (OK, None), so I free myself of guilt and instead embrace the hands on approach! My children are naturally curious and don't seem to be afraid of spiders, snakes, placentas...you name it, they are willing to try it! But again, progress can be difficult to measure...and stepping outside the "norm" sometimes requires our schedule to be flexible...and flexible can sometimes make us uncomfortable...

Little Running Squash is LoViNg the outdoors and wants to keep up with the others. I'm not teaching her a foreign language, she doesn't know her alphabet, and she isn't a fan of vegetables, but she's happy, energetic, and loves her family. She can put toys away, pet a hog, and sing any song you sing, so why get bogged down in early pre-school education? :)

I'm still trying to get a weekly menu together (don't give up on me, Renee), rooms remain slightly unorganized, I'm not sure if my dining room will ever get painted, my sewing pile is taller than me, I haven't been able to do that "early to rise" part of life yet, and our daily schedule needs a major overhaul, BUT,

"All my children shall be taught by the Lord,

And great shall be the peace of my children.

In righteousness I shall be established;

I shall be far from oppression, for I shall not fear;

And from terror, for it shall not come near me."
Isaiah 54:13-14

So, dear friends, if any of you are feeling just slightly behind in your homeschooling due to being a momma of many, or perhaps you have the amazing miracle of life in your womb or in your arms, or illness has you down, maybe your domestic responsibilities threaten to overwhelm, or you are facing personal or financial loss, some may be burdened by moral failure...this is my comfort:

...That no matter how weak and incapable I am feeling, my children are ultimately being taught by the Lord. Could there ever be a better teacher??? Even at my best, I will always choose to defer to HIS educational plan, knowing that it is far superior to anything I could accomplish. Remember that He gave us these precious children, and He loves them dearly! He won't abandon us as we fulfill our responsibilities!

How about resting in this promise? **sigh of relief**

Enjoy your week~

Kathy

Thank You...

This is a very long overdue "thank you" for your prayers and love...and a little update on the farm. I wish I could pen something eloquent and life~changing, but I just shake my head and think "What?" What could I say that would sum up my heart? Would it be enough to let you know that it is true when Jehovah God said:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, 

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. 

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

Nor shall the flame scorch you.

For I am the Lord your God, 

The Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

 Isaiah 43:1-3

Real grace is being tried and tested here on the farm, and no doubt we have a long way to go.


Thank you again for your kind comments and prayers~
Kathy

When We're Sawn In Two...

How quickly life changes...just Sunday morning we were reading about the hall of faith in Hebrews 11. Would we be one of those delivered in our faith, or would we be one of those sawn in two? By Sunday afternoon, I joined arms with those sawn in two...

...it's not exactly because of my faith, yet it is the great testing of my faith through tremendous pain and betrayal.

If you could pray for me, I'd be so grateful. I need desperately to know His grace, to hold fast to His truth, to remember and trust that the great God of this universe loves me and has a glorious plan for my life. I want to finish strong for my children and walk this journey in faithfulness.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Where have the years gone?

Josh and Jenna are eighteen today and it happened so fast.

They are everything I ever hoped for when I prayed for children so long ago...beautiful in spirit, joyful (look at those beautiful smiles!), they give of themselves, minister to the needs of the family...I could go on and on, but I saved that for a personal note to each of them this morning.

I remember so many times when I was a new momma, and (well meaning?) strangers would offer words of warning about the "teen" years. Never listening, I purposed instead that we would welcome those years, and I can honestly say that I have LOVED these years. Giving all the credit and thanks to my God, we have enjoyed the beauty of friendship, laughter, and most importantly, hearts knit with their Father. Oh, we've had growing pains, but there has never been rebellion, deception (minus that piece of asparagus years ago) or rage so often associated with these years. I am one grateful momma today, and to my kiddos...

Happy Birthday...I love you with my whole heart!


If you have a minute, say happy birthday to Josh and Jenna

 After a long and unplanned sabbatical, there's only one thing that can get me back in the saddle... 

 

...sharing some adorable photos with you! This is Little Running Squash on a bag of wood shavings tooting her little heart out on a recorder...which should always be played outside. Ever since moving to the farm seven years ago, I have felt just a smidge of regret that the little ones have not had a "play structure" to climb and swing on. But on more than one occasion I have been delighted to find that some farmhouse ingenuity more than compensates, and I am the blessed recipient of the joy and laughter.

And I should mention that this particular musical entertainment lasted a very long time...

  

We had a Charlotte Mason moment on the farm when we discovered (for the first time) a Monarch caterpillar that Joshua harvested from the field. Violating what every good home~educating mother knows about documenting discoveries, this is all we have on our nature study. Documentation neglect aside, we were able to observe the amazing transformation from the caterpillar... to chrysalis... to butterfly...

 

 If there is anyone else out there feeling overwhelmed by life and unable to get on top of the enormous responsibilities, take joy in the small accomplishments of your day and try to free yourself from the guilt of what remains undone.

"And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought..."

            Isaiah 58:11

How Can I Get Into the 21st Century?

Can I just say how FRUSTRATED I am that I have NO IDEA what AF means, or BFP, AMA, OP, or multiple other acronyms floating around on certain "helpful" internet sites? And it seems to me that a very simple solution is to consider the more "mature" audience who might not have a clue and include a list of definitions...
...and what does "bump" mean???

Trying to appreciate my simple ignorance~
Kathy

A Momma's Goal...

...ought to include working ourselves out of a job. Mostly. And I think I'm well on my way! Problem is, I don't know that I feel too happy about that, especially when I consider that I don't necessarily want to be without a job. Today the kitchen was decluttered to an immaculate state, dinner made, a quadruple batch of blueberry muffins made and shared, dirty diapers changed, barn stalls cleaned, barn walls repaired...and perhaps more...

...all while I was out with my very younger sister helping her try on her wedding dress, finalize the menu plans and site arrangements, eat a delicious lunch, and find a very meaningful memento for Little One.

Funny how a  noble goal can leave one feeling...well...not very needed.


I'm going to pull a Scarlet O'Hara and think about that tomorrow. For tonight, I'm just going to enjoy my incredibly clean kitchen :)

More On This Journey

 I love flowers (though I score very low on the gardening aptitude scale)... and I've enjoyed two beautiful bouquets and multiple collections of various non-homogenous groupings from my little sweeties since we began this journey of miscarriage. And the journey does continue, though God's hand is so clearly felt and the tears sometimes fall at the strangest times.

Last Monday and Tuesday were physically demanding days, and when I returned for another ultrasound yesterday, the doctor said I still haven't passed the sac, though it is shrinking. I think my doctor is wonderful ... he knows how we feel about children and trusting the Lord...but in his effort to encourage me, he pointed out the high percentages that would indicate that this was not "my" fault, but likely a "bad egg" (due to my age) UGH!

A bad egg???

As I watched yet another swollen momma navigate the weight of her soon-to-be-born baby while I sat in the car alone, I just couldn't place a "bad egg" in God's economy. Meih! I have to choose faith, and I have to move forward.

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made...my frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret...Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them"                       Psalm 139:13-16

 Ready for some farmhouse cuteness??? Everything else just keeps moving forward...

 ...and after seventeen years, I'm on the verge of diaper-less days. Not looking forward to that...

 Thanks again for all your prayers...I have been so encouraged by your comments!

Love, 

Kathy

A Momma Update...

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers this past week. Instead of a cute belly shot (of which I have never done...I don't know why...but plans were well underway to document our Little Angel with the help of resident photographers, Josh and Jenna...) I can only share what I am doing. Waiting. The doctor said it's best to go naturally, so I wait and wonder. Next Monday I will return to the office, and though I know I am strong enough to handle the public, I am secretly hoping there are no other pregnant mommas in the waiting room. I'll be fine, I just don't want to see them. Much like last week, stepping out of the chiropractor's office practically into the arms of an adorable, young, very pregnant momma. Just don't feel like it. Not yet.

I thought I could feel the weight of the Little One as I held that sleeper up to my chest...that sweet little baby bottom cupped in my hands and the precious head resting under my chin...that hair so downy soft...

...and then I laid it down empty and shapeless, knowing someday I'll need to put those clothes away. Someday.

When Pink Is No Longer Pink, And The Farmhouse Is Quiet...

It was that first mother~cry "no!" and the blood was there, and fear that the baby was not.

The weekend was long, but this morning the ultrasound confirmed what my heart already felt...Little One has been with Jesus for three weeks (unknown to us) and any day I should go through the process of labor and delivery long before we had planned.

We are sad to walk this road and end with empty arms, but I am choosing two thoughts:

* We love and accept children as a gift from God Himself, no matter how counter-cultural that may seem...

* This life is a blessing to our family, for as many weeks as the Lord saw fit to allow

"I will carry you, while your heart beats here.

Long beyond the empty cradle, through the coming years...

I will carry you, all my life.

I will praise the One who's chosen me to carry you. "

                                           ~Angie Smith

When Pink Is PINK and We Give Thanks...

It was at the college Bible study when I thought God said eight. Ok, perhaps it wasn't God, but I do remember thinking eight would be a great number of children. I had just recently become a Christian, and for the first time ever, I was surrounded by people that loved the Lord, not a man. Introductions into the world of Biblical womanhood, being a Godly wife, loving and educating  children (and lots of them), demonstrating modesty and femininity, eating healthy...these topics and many more were changing the way I was thinking.

Saved by grace, but now traveling the long journey from brokenness and rejection, I had no idea there was more carnage up ahead. Through selfishness, sin, infertility and a marriage on the edge of failure, He spoke Hope.

"I will restore to you the years the locust have eaten...And ye shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you..."            Joel 2:25,26

One miracle at a time (with the exception of the twins!) God gave us eight babies! God has blessed us over and over again in many ways, and it is true that He has restored the years the locust have eaten. We eat in plenty and are satisfied, and we are again praising the name of the Lord our God, who had dealt wondrously with us...He has blessed us with another little one.

The farm is growing again...which makes me wonder about "eight"...

Instilling a Love of Learning...

 One little sentence can throw this momma off these days...

 "...instill in them a love of learning..."

 I wonder (when I'm hearing a bit of complaining about studying) if WE love to learn...

 For years I've been preaching that "Life is learning"...

So here's a test...Look at this mess! Oops...I immediately catch myself (ok, after the initial "What are you doing???") and grab the camera. The littles were gardening and "selling herbs"...nothing a bit of sweeping won't fix.

*sigh* I don't know how we're doing, and when I read of "veteran" home schoolers who have been living this life for eight years (!), I wonder why I still feel like a new home educator after seventeen years(!). Honestly, I thought I'd have it all together by now, but if I did, I suppose I'd take whatever credit that might be had. So here's to butterflies... and snakes... and baseball... and herbs.

What do you do to encourage/instill that love of learning?

Persevero! Dear Momma!

Do you ever struggle with having Bible time each day with the kiddos? Intentions are always good, but I have a hard time being consistent. Picture this: desiring to make our time enjoyable, we chose the front porch for morning devotions. It was cool, quaint, a change of pace...

...after fighting over seating location ("Please just find a seat...they're all the same) and solving the question, "What can I use to color on?", (Does everyone have a magazine??) we open our Bibles.

...the littles are allowed to color to help occupy their hands. Which means that not but a couple verses into our text the inevitable clanging and shuffling of colored pencils begins. Not finding the elusive shade, the 

clattering seems to rise above my voice. 

"Please stop with the pencils!!"

I'm starting to feel a rather large tinge of frustration, but after a deep breath, purpose to continue. This is sweet fellowship with the children...enjoy the moment...be present...

"MOM! Is that cow in Labor?"

(Jenna! You are kidding me, right?)

A quiet resolve to go with the moment, we leapt from the porch with high hopes of watching a birth. Miss momma however, grew tired of nosy neighbors and headed off to the back pasture for a bit of privacy, and thus we missed the action.

We did make it back to Bible time. Eventually.

Farmhouse Logic...

"Mom? Since you're going to die before me...well, probably...but not soon...I hope...but we don't really have to talk about it...

...will you please write down the instructions for cutting my hair...

...since I have NO IDEA how you do it?"

"Sure, sweetie..."

~Caleb, during a precious haircutting conversation

If You Have Little Ones...

...and you're questioning the wisdom of peer dependence and age segregation, be encouraged to press on! Make choices for your family that promote unity and friendship within your home, then be blessed as you watch it radiate.

Tonight I watched with pleasure as a group of seventeen and eighteen year old young people interacted across ages and generations. They didn't withdraw into sullen secrecy, nor reject those outside their age or developmental group. Instead there was laughter, conversation, games...attention and play given to the littles, inclusion for those with special needs, respect and help offered voluntarily.

The farm was alive tonight with wonderful young people. Don't believe the lie that the teen years are to be dreaded...or endured...or avoided. Don't give up on the needs of the season, and don't give in to the pressures of the world. Build into your little ones skills that will make them competent and enjoyable teens, and you will reap a harvest of blessing!

Grand Ole' Flag...

After a lengthy hiatus on my sewing room table (am I alone in this, or do others have heeping piles just waiting to be mended?), the grand ole' flag is waving proudly again from the front porch. With all the hate, disrespect and dishonor for what our country stands for (or used to) our farm is not ashamed to declare our affection...we love our history and our country. And while we know that our citizenship is in our heavenly country, for now, we are thankful for the freedom we have been blessed with here. Very thankful. Very...American.

It was just yesterday that she said "Would you just...shut up, mom?"


And I was back some 30 or 40 years reliving the pain of that sort of disrespect, that uncontrolled expression which would result in so much anger and discipline. All of my rebellion was interpreted as a personal affront toward my authority...but it wasn't really him. Behind all the attitude was deep pain, rejection, and the inability to please those who I deeply desired to please. I was a failure in so many ways...

And I felt her pain, and failures, and a brief window into her struggles for success and acceptance...

"God, who is rich in mercy..." poured out His grace in that moment, and there was no anger, only His grace flowing from me to the hurt one standing with me. While I wish that in that moment God Himself would have brought that one lost sheep home, I am trusting that more seeds were sown, more soil was cultivated, perhaps some little breath of life gently moving over the embers of her heart. 

 
Sentencing her to "hard labor" (a.k.a. extra chores) gave time to think and move in the direction of repentance, and so I'll take that, just one small step. As for me, I rejoice in that moment of grace.

Cookbook Giveaway!

Feminine Farmgirl is having a giveaway! If you love to cook, here's your chance to add that

homemade goodness to your mealtime. Hurry though, the giveaway ends Wednesday.