This whole blog is an emotional blog.
I think.
Sick of my blog.
The next blog I shall write...
Hmm...
Travel blog? Food blog? Exercise blog?
Since I went to Indonesia & Taiwan before, I should write a travel blog while I can.
Before dementia hits...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Fresh Start
Thought of closing blog for a couple of reasons, but decided to re-open blog...
For the past 7 days, my whole life flashes before me.
As though God dig up many things in my past and place it before Him.
He did a whole surgery on it, as I lay before Him in his hospital.
The opening process is faced with trembling as it is difficult to come face to face with some things about myself, but I willingly do it.
Knowing the importance of it and how great it is to be set free after that.
Also thanks to dear sisters who've encouraged me along the way.
And he did wonderful things.
I am set free! :D
Inner healing and Deliverance.
Throne of Jesus.
Power of the Holy Spirit.
The Authority of Christ.
What used to be mere intellectual concepts are as real to me as my 10 fingers before me now.
I have to testify.
I tell others too!
But as I am still in the process of surgery uncompleted, perhaps it's better and wiser that I leave the perfect timing to God.
Times that I thought, God why don't you use another person? I am not as perfect, or eloquent.
But I did not choose Him. He choose me.
An apple tree with many fruits.
Not my work, but his work.
---
Also, I thank God for the wonderful ladies who opened up their life during the group work.
Ca* is unforgettable.
Her humor, realness and passion for God.
50 years old.
White and grey hair.
Bickering with husband.
A husband who love her despite it all.
Husband is cool too.
Climb mountain at his age. :)
Kr* is so sweet.
A life that shows God can give a second chance despite mistakes and disobedience.
And God still blesses so much.
With adorable young Z* who is 1 year old.
Ve*'s life makes people's jaw drop.
Beautiful young lady but traumatic past.
But God still reaches her.
BT who is 'bu qi yan', but a woman of strength.
And many many.
I am so grateful to God for bringing all these people into my life that I might learn from their life.
It is divine.
And even for Je*y who was with me through it all, so that we share this experience together that no one else will have. Thank God for sisters. Thank God for Je*y.
For the past 7 days, my whole life flashes before me.
As though God dig up many things in my past and place it before Him.
He did a whole surgery on it, as I lay before Him in his hospital.
The opening process is faced with trembling as it is difficult to come face to face with some things about myself, but I willingly do it.
Knowing the importance of it and how great it is to be set free after that.
Also thanks to dear sisters who've encouraged me along the way.
And he did wonderful things.
I am set free! :D
Inner healing and Deliverance.
Throne of Jesus.
Power of the Holy Spirit.
The Authority of Christ.
What used to be mere intellectual concepts are as real to me as my 10 fingers before me now.
I have to testify.
I tell others too!
But as I am still in the process of surgery uncompleted, perhaps it's better and wiser that I leave the perfect timing to God.
Times that I thought, God why don't you use another person? I am not as perfect, or eloquent.
But I did not choose Him. He choose me.
An apple tree with many fruits.
Not my work, but his work.
---
Also, I thank God for the wonderful ladies who opened up their life during the group work.
Ca* is unforgettable.
Her humor, realness and passion for God.
50 years old.
White and grey hair.
Bickering with husband.
A husband who love her despite it all.
Husband is cool too.
Climb mountain at his age. :)
Kr* is so sweet.
A life that shows God can give a second chance despite mistakes and disobedience.
And God still blesses so much.
With adorable young Z* who is 1 year old.
Ve*'s life makes people's jaw drop.
Beautiful young lady but traumatic past.
But God still reaches her.
BT who is 'bu qi yan', but a woman of strength.
And many many.
I am so grateful to God for bringing all these people into my life that I might learn from their life.
It is divine.
And even for Je*y who was with me through it all, so that we share this experience together that no one else will have. Thank God for sisters. Thank God for Je*y.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Laughter
There is a difference between
Laughing at someone,
Laughing at a joke,
Laughing from the inside out,
Laughing at myself.
Whatever it is, laughter is good for the right reasons, I think.
Laughing at someone,
Laughing at a joke,
Laughing from the inside out,
Laughing at myself.
Whatever it is, laughter is good for the right reasons, I think.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
A change of hair for a change of mood
No mood to go for class...
Want to skip class...
But go home also boring.
Go class also boring.
So sucky!
So decided to cut hair...
Cut very very short.
Could be shorter, but decided to leave the bold step to the next time round.
Contemplated dying hair blonde, but can't.
I am supposed to work as part time tutor, so I can't scare my students.
Did brown blonde.
Okay, quite like it
Don't think it looks like hooker at all.
Probably a nerdy jap school girl maybe.
Whatever.
A change of hair, and a change of mood.
Why so bad mood oh my soul.
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God.
For I will yet praise Him.
Want to skip class...
But go home also boring.
Go class also boring.
So sucky!
So decided to cut hair...
Cut very very short.
Could be shorter, but decided to leave the bold step to the next time round.
Contemplated dying hair blonde, but can't.
I am supposed to work as part time tutor, so I can't scare my students.
Did brown blonde.
Okay, quite like it
Don't think it looks like hooker at all.
Probably a nerdy jap school girl maybe.
Whatever.
A change of hair, and a change of mood.
Why so bad mood oh my soul.
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God.
For I will yet praise Him.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
My Smile
Why does my smile seems to be brighter, and happier 4 years ago compare to today?
What happen to my believing heart, my child-like faith, my God-placed hope?
Is it because people caused my heart to be more skeptical thus it is more difficult to smile simply?
Is it because I failed to believe in God's plan and promises for me anymore?
Or is it due to 'old' age?
Why why why...
I haven't meet the sun face to face for ages.
I haven't 'played' for ages, had fun like I love it to be.
It rains everytime I wanted to.
I ended up in bed sleeping.
Thinking about things I don't want to.
ESPECIALLY GRUMBLING WHY AM I STILL DOING MY DEGREE WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GRADUATE BY NOW IF I HAVE LISTENED TO A*E AND TAKEN THAT ACCELERATED KAPLAN DEGREE WHICH TAKES ONLY 18 MTHS COMPARE TO STUPID MDIS DEGREE WHICH TAKES 36 MTHS AND A PAINFUL LOT OF TRAVELING, AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP EVERYTIME BUT KNOWING THIS WAY OUT IS OUT. AND HAVING LECTURERS WHO TALK SO MUCH THINGS I HAVE SIMPLY NOT MUCH INTEREST TO KNOW AND HAVE SIMPLY NO AVAILABLE OUTLET TO APPLY.
WHAT A DRAG! LIFE SIMPLY S*, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK FULL TIME KNOWING THAT THIRD YEAR CONSISTS OF 70%, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO FLUNK ANYTHING. AND I AM SIMPLY NOT C* ENOUGH TO HANDLE BOTH FULL TIME WORK AND STUDIES. YET I AM SO WORRIED FOR MY CAREER LIFE THAT IT IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR ONE YEAR, AND HOW AM I GOING TO BE OF MARKET VALUE ONE YEAR LATER, I HAVE NO IDEA. GOD, TELL ME.
Don't forget I am the envy of other people who have simply no financial means to work part-time, so I ought to be thankful. I am lucky. You, Miss Amy Low is considered lucky. So you ought to smile now.
What happen to my believing heart, my child-like faith, my God-placed hope?
Is it because people caused my heart to be more skeptical thus it is more difficult to smile simply?
Is it because I failed to believe in God's plan and promises for me anymore?
Or is it due to 'old' age?
Why why why...
I haven't meet the sun face to face for ages.
I haven't 'played' for ages, had fun like I love it to be.
It rains everytime I wanted to.
I ended up in bed sleeping.
Thinking about things I don't want to.
ESPECIALLY GRUMBLING WHY AM I STILL DOING MY DEGREE WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GRADUATE BY NOW IF I HAVE LISTENED TO A*E AND TAKEN THAT ACCELERATED KAPLAN DEGREE WHICH TAKES ONLY 18 MTHS COMPARE TO STUPID MDIS DEGREE WHICH TAKES 36 MTHS AND A PAINFUL LOT OF TRAVELING, AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP EVERYTIME BUT KNOWING THIS WAY OUT IS OUT. AND HAVING LECTURERS WHO TALK SO MUCH THINGS I HAVE SIMPLY NOT MUCH INTEREST TO KNOW AND HAVE SIMPLY NO AVAILABLE OUTLET TO APPLY.
WHAT A DRAG! LIFE SIMPLY S*, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK FULL TIME KNOWING THAT THIRD YEAR CONSISTS OF 70%, AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO FLUNK ANYTHING. AND I AM SIMPLY NOT C* ENOUGH TO HANDLE BOTH FULL TIME WORK AND STUDIES. YET I AM SO WORRIED FOR MY CAREER LIFE THAT IT IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR ONE YEAR, AND HOW AM I GOING TO BE OF MARKET VALUE ONE YEAR LATER, I HAVE NO IDEA. GOD, TELL ME.
Don't forget I am the envy of other people who have simply no financial means to work part-time, so I ought to be thankful. I am lucky. You, Miss Amy Low is considered lucky. So you ought to smile now.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Heart.
The human heart is a funny thing...
We hurt the ones who adore us.
We adore the ones who hurt us.
It is true to a certain extent.
I wish I was less emotional than I really am.
If life is meant to be lived, it is meant to be lived.
No wonder, it is ---.
I should defend the ones I love.
Today H**e helped to 'defend' me. Can sense it.
Almost choke on my laughter when I heard her call him 'the whitest guy'.
Almost melt when I saw the fb message.
Why did I not defend her when I saw the 'b*' who called her an old maid?
Hugged her.
Love her so much.
And also her hug brings so much warmth to me.
Especially when... obviously around.
Forgive & forget?
Yeap.
Remembered the friendship Pr*** extended.
Well, people accuse her. Quite a lot.
Why did I believe the people who accuse her?
I believe in Ja**.
Should I not also believe in Pr***?
As for A*e, all I can say is I gave my best.
She is much too ...
I decided I won't be affected by her comments.
Anyway, my conscious is clear.
I never talked about her behind her back.
Even when people talked negatively about her.
What else can I say?
I've even scolded my sis who attacked her for me.
Simple given up on her.
The whole 'group' of the ex-S?
Kind of sad all of them left.
More affected that they are disillusioned.
I can only say, I need my conviction from the Lord.
I will love T**g and S***y from my heart.
Even when extra pat***** is needed.
And the group in M?
Hmmm...
(zhe shi wo de xin zhong hua, xiang huan hui de xin zhong hua... bu zhi dao neng huan hui ma de xin zhong hua... xi wang neng shi xian de xin zhong hua... dan you mei yong qi mian dui de shi shi...ying wei... xin zhong de shi ji you wo ji zi ming bai... )
Actually........
The birds are crooking again... :)
I like to hear the birds crook.
When they say, follow your heart, you should follow your heart.
This is a post that only I understand.
Because it is not meant to be understood.
Ironically, the person who helped to trigger so much,
Is the person I hate to love. Gun needed please.
We hurt the ones who adore us.
We adore the ones who hurt us.
It is true to a certain extent.
I wish I was less emotional than I really am.
If life is meant to be lived, it is meant to be lived.
No wonder, it is ---.
I should defend the ones I love.
Today H**e helped to 'defend' me. Can sense it.
Almost choke on my laughter when I heard her call him 'the whitest guy'.
Almost melt when I saw the fb message.
Why did I not defend her when I saw the 'b*' who called her an old maid?
Hugged her.
Love her so much.
And also her hug brings so much warmth to me.
Especially when... obviously around.
Forgive & forget?
Yeap.
Remembered the friendship Pr*** extended.
Well, people accuse her. Quite a lot.
Why did I believe the people who accuse her?
I believe in Ja**.
Should I not also believe in Pr***?
As for A*e, all I can say is I gave my best.
She is much too ...
I decided I won't be affected by her comments.
Anyway, my conscious is clear.
I never talked about her behind her back.
Even when people talked negatively about her.
What else can I say?
I've even scolded my sis who attacked her for me.
Simple given up on her.
The whole 'group' of the ex-S?
Kind of sad all of them left.
More affected that they are disillusioned.
I can only say, I need my conviction from the Lord.
I will love T**g and S***y from my heart.
Even when extra pat***** is needed.
And the group in M?
Hmmm...
(zhe shi wo de xin zhong hua, xiang huan hui de xin zhong hua... bu zhi dao neng huan hui ma de xin zhong hua... xi wang neng shi xian de xin zhong hua... dan you mei yong qi mian dui de shi shi...ying wei... xin zhong de shi ji you wo ji zi ming bai... )
Actually........
The birds are crooking again... :)
I like to hear the birds crook.
When they say, follow your heart, you should follow your heart.
This is a post that only I understand.
Because it is not meant to be understood.
Ironically, the person who helped to trigger so much,
Is the person I hate to love. Gun needed please.
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