haiya this week's been REALLY bad for me. lots of things happened to my class. my tchr met with some super tragedy and i still hear ppl saying that she's just creating drama out of her life. goodness, only God knows. then theres this girl from another class who crashed my class since 3 weeks ago. after she came, my class went into havoc. we were usually okay with her joining us tho sometimes i admit im really irritated with her cos she's immature and all she likes to talk abt is putting this guy with this girl.. blah blah blah. like no life lah, then this classmate and i keep talking abt her. our conversations on bus rides home always revolve ard her cos he's super disturbed by her and he wants me as a girl (im a girl only when they need my help, otherwise im just one of them) to go talk to her. and gosh my patience drains SUPER quickly when i talk to her. its more tiring to talk to her than to my sister. okay back to what happened to my class. then we had class phototaking and she budged in. my class was affected. after that my friends and i stayed back after sch (as usual) and we talked abt it; that she stepped over the line cos some of my classmates were pissed. then my go-home friend and i kept complaining while another friend seem to have differing views but just kept quiet. then i asked him after everyone else left but he din want to share. so my stubborn nature made me bug him the whole week just to get things straight.
anw the Christians in my class are trying to help her lah. lk this is a chance that we almost missed. lots of other details we went thru so now we're gonna help her (and the class) to get thru this. its stressful cos ppl from other classes kept asking me abt her. during the recent class prayer meet, my friend said he sought God abt this issue cos he felt burdened. and it just goes to show that eyes have turned to my (then) ulu class. my class is so ulu cos there are no councillors, no detention kids, only H3 students that no one else in the sch would bother. not the best nor the worst. haha but its true that ppl have come to see how we're gonna deal with the girl. im gonna trust God that she's gonna change by end of the year. one of the greatest stories i would have in SA. well i alr have 2!! cool right cool right. when God says He's gonna put me in SA for a reason, He would.
yeah anyway my family isnt doing well either. i feel so stressed cos i find it a need to protect my sister now that my family's in a pathetic state. then i get so stressed. many times ive thot of just leaving home or just dying, but i thot of my sister. then again the song Redeemer rang in my head, "You died for me so i'm living for You". so i managed to get by every day. i was battling within myself the whole week whether to leave church or not. becos i feel that the cell is stagnating. to be frank here, dare we say we know each others' lives fully? we may know of the things that each of us are going thru but do we know how we're dealing with them? we just assume that knowing whats going on is enough but we fail to connect with each other, which is one thing that made me feel that theres no motivation to go back to church or cell. like, theres no culture of heart to heart sharing within the cell and its difficult to grow this way, i feel. cell seems more of a social group than spiritual family. i dunno if im right to say this but this is how I feel lah. im sorry if saying this weakens your faith but i think there shld be a breakthru in our cell. so much for the T word.
yep so maybe it shld start with me. so thats how my week has been. and actually i cant say im very happy abt my birthday. like everything done is cool and good but theres something in my heart that i cannot put down so i cant enjoy myself fully. its me, its me, not the people who've taken the trouble and heart to put everything into place. it's been a struggle for me this week and im so tired. thank God im still in church and im trying to pick up the pieces and continue my journey with God. with God, nothing would go wrong. no worries (:
posted by char-dup @ 10:11 PM
2 comments
