Saturday, April 15, 2006

GOOD FRIDAY

ytd was a totally different good friday for me to. i started my blog by having a solitude. wellz, i woke up early.. and went to the beach.. juz to sit down and spend time with god. haha. tho the sea breeze blew up my hair all over the place. but its one morning that i dunno forget. i was asking the lord to show me smtg cool. physically. i kept lookin at the sky.. din see anything but clouds. but when i was gg home last nite, as i walked up the overhead bridge, i looked up into the sky, and say total darkness, very cloudy and dark. but i saw the moonlight shining on a portion of clouds, where i clearly saw the shape of a heart. excitedly, i ran up.. and looked up into the sky to reconfirm it. haha. den in fact, i saw many hearts with the moonlight making the outline of the heart in the darky gloomy sky. haha. i juz stood there for some time.. juz admiring wad i saw.. when i walked over got down the bridge.. no more hearts.

how awesome is that? indescribable. the decisions that were made yesterday. is nothing by our own strength. it was HIM. the things HE spoke to me abt. and somehow, it was juz weird. when i was juz writing while having my solitude, i wrote.. god i really love u. hahaha. i really felt like this words really came from the bottom of my heart.. really really really meaning it. knowing god vs experiencing him.. is a feeling that's world apart. wellz, its a total different good friday for me.

wad abt u?

posted by littlemissburp @ 10:11 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

husssh this this camy !!!!!!!!

gosh`

posted by geri @ 11:22 PM 0 comments

Flattery

posted by fishcake @ 2:34 PM 1 comments

Monday, April 10, 2006

A Day Out With My Olympus Camera


















posted by fishcake @ 12:39 PM 1 comments

Saturday, April 01, 2006

as good friday is drawing nearer. i was led to think about my life. this year, i'm very excited abt good friday, coz its my last day of practicum!!! YAY!.. but.. i thot of this year when i was in sec 3.

i tink in sec 2, lau did invite me to tgif.. and considerin i came from a christian family. i wasn't too keen on church stuff. coz since young, i've been pulled to church. and it became a so called natural thing for me to go church. memorize memory verses. sing songs during praise and worship. yawn during sunday schoo classes and all. but when i was in sec 3. god broke me. god broke my family. he broke me juz to show me his love. but that year.. tgif was juz another event to me.

i remember VERY clearly that it was the time, my granny passed away. the time where my parent's relationship was bad. the time i beared much bitterness towards my dad. its was all that period of time. and after my granny passed away... my life became worse. i grew cold. i grew numb. i learnt how to hide my emotions. i learnt how to hide my grief.. the real me. i wld neva forget the days where i used to drag myself home after school. somehow i really din like life at that moment. but.. dunno . something changed when i went for tgif again in sec 3. when my granny was gone, den i realize that there is my emptiness in my heart. neva did i realize i had a void in my heart. i thot everything good. my parents provided everything. my friends were good. studies were good. nothing to complain abt.

i rmb, during the one thing concert.. i tink. i rmb crying when i hugged someone. i tink its charlotte lin. but i went home thinkin, why did i cry? its juz another christian event right? haha. coz even tho i attended church all my life. i neva knew who god really is. i juz knew him by my head knowledge. but i rmb i was attracted to church from den. i went for cell. with lau.. and met peihua, serhuay, lane, n rest. and during one cell. i rmb i cried. wah. that's one cell i will neva forget in my life. god was filling me with his love. i cried. i cried. i actually did. coz before and after my granny's death. i dun shed a single tear in front of anyone. but i did.. before god.

durin e enc, pastor was sharing that god purposely put a void in our heart, so that he can fill us with his love. ppl may ask, wad does it mean that god fills u with the holy spirit, god fills u with his love. wellz, i think that its a personal experience. its not good enuff to describe it with words. but its an experience with god.

if i could, i wld ask everyone, wad is ur purpose in life for? izzit for u to come on earth and attain good results in good. get ur cert. get a good job, get a good pay. shop like mad. find a good husband. have a family. enjoy life. somehow, i dun tink ppl will deny how empty it can feel. or how boring can it be. frankly if that is all that we do.. den why is there this world? juz to allow these mundane events to happen? cant be right?

wellz, i saw god's reality in my own life. the most amazing thing is that he changed my family. i see how my mother rise up in faith. i saw how she moved with the strength of god. i saw my father changing for the beta. for some time, he stopped gg church. he was more caught up with his life, den god. i dun deny that he loves his family, he wld do everything to provide for us. but i guess, its loving in a wrong way. but now.. he's gone back to church. simple things like saying grace for the family again. where at times, i see my mother correcting my father with the word. haha. its funny lah. coz its also applicable to me. coz simply i'm so like my dad. i dun communicate with my dad in the past. i dislike talkin to him. and i always showed him my attitude. muahaha. but now, he will always ask me abt school. i will neva forget the heart to heart talk i had with him in feb. the day of breakthru between us.

how can i say god is not real in my life? yeah, life was neva a bed of roses. thru these years from sec 3 till now. i did fall away. fell away a couple of times. esp during the last 2 years. but i experienced his faithfulness. i experienced his love. no matter wad i did, he still loved. in my ministry. i see the power of the holy spirit. that cannot be something controlled by man. that is a living demonstration of his power. it iS. prayer works. it does. it may be a simple prayer to people, but to me. god answered it and its cooL!. haha.

juz thinkin back how life has been from den till now. its amazing. how he used me in church. how my life moved up and down. i rmb huey saying. sarah ur life is interesting. haha. wellz, i feel that, everyone can have such interesting lives. haha. its a matter whether one opens up her heart.

my heart has been so vulernable. and a couple of times, my heart was hurt by ppl. so much pain that it caused me to hide more. to protect myself. haha. but wellz. dunno why all these things happened. but i see the healin that takes place. my bitterness towards my dad is so deep that it took almost 6 or 7 years to heal. but u know.. i realize there are ppl out there.. who has much deeper hatred towards their dad, coz wad they did.. is wad i call inhuman. so wad is there to complain? right? my roomie said. i cant tell u dun like ur dad in the past. coz right now.. we seem quite good. haha. fetched me to hall. brought food and medicine when i was sick in hall. do everything he could for me. and all teh converstaion i had with him, i always share with my friends. ppl cannot tell. wellz, i can only its a healing process.

i kept emphasizing durin the encounter, that if u wan god to come into ur life, if u want god to do something in my heart. den u MUST BE WILLING. u MUZ OPEN UR HEART. its a must thing. coz if u resist. u insist of not moving, den god will respect ur decision and not do anything. right?

this morning. i told god. i said. so many of my friends need u in their life. it is neva good enuff that i share abt my life. it is neva enuff that i use words to describe abt u to them. but its ur power that is necessary. it is his work. not mine. if i could, i wld choose to lay back and enjoy life.

its real that god can speak to u. i rmb last nite, someone shared her testimony and she said, when she din know god, she said its an unknown voice that stopped her from commiting suicide. den u may ask, how do i know that unspoken voice is god. haha. bascially to me. its simple. there a few voices that u can hear. either u hear the devil, the lies that seep in. or ur own thots.. or u hear god. and learnin to listen to god is a daily affair. it comes with familiarity.

sometimes, i really wonder wad i can do to show the reality of god to my cousins. to my friends. but yet i know i am limited. ppl can only see the brokeness in my life. but probably ppl cant really see that, coz i dun show. haha. crap. but wellz.. good friday is coming. and durin the enc when i watched "the crossing" again.. i caught the importance of telling ppl abt my god. its not forcing ppl to accept god. but if he calls me to tell u abt him. den i will. coz its my personal experience that this friend gave to me. like wad yiliang shared last nite. i am dead. but in HIM i am alive. hearing ppl share abt the physical pain he went thru when donating blood. wad more god suffered the pain when he was nailed on the cross. thru his palms. the humiliation. the pain he bore when they whipped him. everytime i'm reminded of it. i cannot imagine wad have i done on earth to grieve him. why did i choose to lead a selfish life.. where god did not even think of himself, but the me. and to die for my sins.

wellz, probably for the rest of us. its good to juz think abt god. not focusin on how he has blessed u. or how much pain u went thru in ur life. but juz allowin god to fill u with his love again.

posted by littlemissburp @ 9:48 AM 0 comments