PLAY DATES

I remember when  my kids were young and I would set up a "play date" with another mom to get our kids together. This is exactly what I find myself doing now for Kai. He has rarely initiated...it is usually me asking him if he wants someone to come over.

Myself and the mom of the young man who has befriended Kai at lunch since the first part of school have been working on setting  up a time for Kai to go to their house. I asked Kai just a day or so ago if he would like to go to their house. Kai was unsure and kept saying, "I don't know." Then it came out...he says, "I don't know how to play." Can you imagine not knowing how to play? But it's true. He doesn't. In the past, when someone comes over, I have to steer Kai in a direction because he is truly clueless on what to do when he has someone over. I then asked if he would like to have his friend to our house instead. He agreed and I told him I would help him learn to play. I also told him I would set it up for next week.

Well.....apparently next week is here early. I picked Kai and Little M up from school and his lunch friend came, too....which was completely fine. I was thrilled that Kai had asked him on his own to come over. We'll work on the "talking to ma about it first stuff" another time. The smile on my sons face having a friend over is priceless.

We get home and Kai made sure his buddy had something to eat. Now...drum roll please...they didn't go upstairs to play xbox first. Kai asked him if he wanted to go outside and play soccer. My son is playing and figuring it out without my help today. Warms my heart. I am sure the modeling of his siblings has helped as has my steering him in the right direction but, today, he's just like a regular kid who has always played.

BIRTHDAY MONTH

Writing in my blog has felt like a chore lately. Not sure of why. I will do my best to do some catch up.

Kai has really been doing a lot of "only me" scenarios pointing out how he is the only one in that scene. For example, in the car yesterday, Little M grabbed the front seat before him and he was in the back by himself. He pointed out he was the only boy in the car. Uh....so? In response, I have been turning it into a silly scenario adding my own "only me's" but it's very tiresome. It's amazing how ANY situation can be turned into an "only me" scenario.

Last week, Kai went with me to Costco and he wanted a hot dog. I was at check out, handed him a $20 bill and told him to go get in line and order. In the past, he would respond by saying he couldn't do it by himself. He didn't bat an eye. He belined for the food court, stood in line alone, ordered his food alone, and paid for it alone. I was so proud!!

Yesterday, he went grocery shopping with me at Winco. He loves getting food with me. He asked if he could have hot Cheetos so I pointed to the direction they were in and told him to get them. He grabbed his two bags, came skipping down the aisle, and I marveled right there in the grocery store. I flashed back and saw who he was the day we picked him up and who he is now...all in a mere two seconds.

This is our other birthday month. Hubby K just turned 45, I turn 40 next week, and Kai turns 15 two days after that. We have a birthday party planned for him at a trampoline park (his choice). I, too, am excited for his first friend party.

Homework has been a chore. He is doing equations, functions, and graphing. He's doing it but it is arduous for both of us as the problems are long and he is learning at the same time. Remember, only 2 years of limited schooling in China.

A snow storm is supposed to hit today with up to 5 inches of snow. Should prove to be interesting tonight!!

I am focusing more on Kai's writing skills. He has learned alot of letters incorrectly and has really resisted from the start having to learn to write. I think it is because he was never really proficient in writing Chinese either. Reading is coming along but something we plug along at everyday, too. He got a little disregulated yesterday talking about why he has to learn to read and write english. He is certainly pushing back in that area because it's hard!

All in all, things are going well. I am able to reason with him without too much trouble and he haven't seen any great moments of disregulation.

SETTLING IN

We have been settling in to Hubby K's new schedule beautifully. For the first time in 20 years, he has a Monday through Friday day job. Unreal. Kai has responded so well to Hubby K being around regularly and he is able to anticipate when Dad is going to be home. Hubby K balances me well. He treats Kai very differently as far as how he approaches things but it is a good balance between the both of us. It is so comforting to know there is "backup" nightly should anything arise.

Soccer is now over and Kai is enjoying riding the bus in the afternoon. There have been some bus mishaps in the morning, though. We have a new morning driver and she is late alot causing Kai to miss his shuttle bus between middle schools. This really upsets him. His brother and sister are there to help him go to the office to find another bus that can take him but it throws off his morning. Apparently, on Tuesday morning, it happened again and the bus driver told Kai she would take him but he wanted nothing to do with her. The principal ended up coming out to help the situation as Kai was in tears. I never got a phone call but they took care of it. Yesterday, Kai asked if I could drive him to school. He told me he doesn't like his bus driver. I explained to him that once the route isn't new any more, she shouldn't be late like she is now. I told him I would drive him that one morning but next week he has to ride the bus. He said, "Thank you, Ma."

Hubby K and I met with the IEP team at school including Kai's teachers. We got the results of all his evals which included PT, OT, Behavioral, and IQ. They found no reason for him to have any special ed services. I was surprised by it but also kind of relieved, too, to find that they are so pleased with his progress and where he is at. They are more than willing to make some accommodations including a scribe to help Kai write things down. His teachers were loaded with stories of how Kai has opened up at school.

Last night, he told me how much he likes homework. He is very good about doing it first thing when he gets home but his homework is MY homework, too. I don't share his enthusiasm.

A cute story I shared on facebook this week: After school today, it was time for Kai's reading. I got out his Bob books and sat down with him. The dude wouldn't stop rocking in the chair as he's trying to read. I tell him, "You can't read and rock at the same time!" He ignored me. I get up, sit on his lap, and tell him to start reading. He is laughing and screaming and I tell him again to start reading. He tries to start reading and laughingly says a phrase I have never heard him say but I have referenced to him plenty. He yells, "I can't focus! I can't focus!" I asked him if he would stop rocking as I get up. He says "NO" so I sit down on him again and tell him to start reading. "I can't focus!" he laughs. I get up, sit next to him, he stops rocking and starts reading. Point for Team Ma. He has figured out I DO what I say.

Kai finished collection one of our Bob books series. These are kindergarten and first grade sight words. On to collection 2. His reading teacher said she is really noticing his reading improvement. I let her know I work on it with him every single day during the week.

The last few weeks I haven't been sleeping well. I feel tired a lot and don't have a desire to exercise. However, I'm trying to fight with it. My best friend has breast cancer and I think that is why I am not sleeping well. She starts her first chemo treatment next week. I think about her 24/7 and love this woman to pieces.

I am heading out today for a girls weekend. Looking forward to doing nothing.

CATCH UP

I don't even know where to start....it's been so long since I have written! Things have been fairly typical with some frustrations here and there. However, we continue to see growth. The soccer season has just ended so Kai will be home a earlier and we will have to get back to an exercise routine at night for his physical therapy.

Last Tuesday night, Kai and Macy went to the temple for the first time to do baptisms. That was a neat experience it. It was really special to watch his expressions as he walked in and took in the gorgeous surroundings. Afterward, I asked him how his heart felt and he said, "My heart feel really really really good. Baptisms are awesome." You would have never known that I had called Ken home for backup before we left for baptisms. I was worried a meltdown was going to occur but he reigned in his anger. I told him he couldn't go to the temple if he was mad in his heart. He knocked it off with Dad home.

Kai has been waiting for the movie The Book of Life to come out in the theaters. THis morning, he asked if our friend Chace could go. I knew he had a party to go to with Caden and told Kai he would have to pick someone else. Kai refused and said he couldn't go then. After school, he told me he wanted to ask his other friend....again, progress! Our neighbor is going with him to the 4:30 movie tomorrow.

Christian has an introductory flight lesson tomorrow. He has decided he wants to fly airplanes for a living...specifically be fighter pilot which is a very difficult road. We are getting him up in an airplane tomorrow to see how much he likes it.

VERY EVENTFUL

I should have not posted previously about having some uneventful days because this morning was QUITE eventful. Kai woke up fine and got ready for school. When it came time to put his shoes on, everything went south. He brought up not being able to find his ipod and things escalated from there.

His ipod has been missing since Sunday. It was too much for him today. He got mad, nothing I said would work, and he started hitting the couch. I told him he needed to calm down and how proud I was of him lately when he has gotten mad for just a little time and able to get control again. Didn't work. I had to leave to take the other kids to the bus. I gave him a few minutes warning about not being able to send him on the bus if he was this upset. I wasn't about to put him on the bus. Hubby K stayed with him while I took the other kids to the bus. As I stepped out the door, I heard the dreaded slap across his cheek and immediately knew, without seeing, that he was hitting himself.

I came home about 5 minutes later to find him in his comatose, trance-like state. I hadn't seen that state in a while...I hate it.

After about 10 minutes, he starts moving his eyes again and I ask him if he wants to go to school or stay home with Ma. He is calm but with tears and snot flowing down his face. I ask him again. He says he wants to go to school but on the bus. I remind him why I couldn't let him go on the bus. The crying and anger begin again. I tell him that being mad will not find the ipod, only looking for it. I encourage him to go with me to clean his room. He does so and we give a really hard effort to find the darn thing to no avail.

Kai says, "It's ok. I get another ipod." I tell him he will have to wait til his birthday or Christmas and he says, "Yeah. I always lose everything. In China, I lose all the time."

He is staying home with me today.

GOOD UNEVENTFUL

We had our one year social worker visit this past Saturday and I was interested to see what format it would take. In the past, we have all sat around the table and discussed what has been good and what has been hard. In the past, we could say whatever and Kai wouldn't understand most of it.

I was surprised to find the format the same. We all sat around the kitchen table and took turns discussing what was good and what was hard. This time, Kai understood it all. None of the answers were surprises as far as the things that are hard. The hard things haven't changed....they are still hard.

She asked Kai what he liked about being in our family and what he didn't like. The only thing he didn't like was he couldn't watch tv all day like he could in China.

After an hour with the family, Ken and myself went into the office with our social worker for a more private chat. She told us how amazed she was. It had been over six months since she was here last and she was just amazed at the change in Kai. She said he wasn't the same kid. She was astounded by his emotional progress. She had never seen a child his age come home before so it has been interesting for her to watch. She said we are truly a success story. That made me cry.

We have had good, uneventful days. The typical homework, soccer games, etc. I love being able to say UNEVENTFUL.

Having Hubby K home in the evenings and off on weekends has been amazing. This is his 2nd week out of the ER. In 20 years of marriage, he has never had a Monday through Friday work schedule. It's heavenly!! Kai can anticipate when he is going to be home and around which is huge. I think we will see even more growth in Kai because dad will be around more regularly. So, Hubby K is out of the ER? Yes. as long as things with our business are going well.  He is doing our addiction (drug) clinic full time now.

PERSPECTIVE SHIFT

Some may find this post offensive. Sorry if you do. Just understand we are working on his perspective. Kai has taking a disliking to the hispanic population where we live. I think he has been rubbed wrong at school somehow where there is a large portion of hispanics at his school.

Today, Little C and Little M had soccer games at another middle school in our district. Kai was either going to be going to his current school or this other middle school for the ESL program. I told the school superintendent I would not allow my kid to go to this particular school and that is how he ended up at the school he is currently at. We pulled into the school and Kai says, "Ooooh, this is school is scary. I no like. Too much seapanish." I told him if he didn't go to his current school this would have been the other choice. I told him I made the choice for him to not go to this school. He said, "Oh, thank you, Ma. I like my school better."

Here's the funny thing...until today, he had only complained about how many seapanish (that's how he pronounces it) are in his school. Tonight is a different tune. He is saying how good his school is now and how there are LESS Seapanish there. A definite shift in perspective.

Like I said, he has formed a disliking somehow. We are working on him. He used to be prejudice against black people but we have since seen that prejudice go away. We constantly remind him Jesus loves everyone and so should we. We also constantly talk about how America is made up of ALL different cultures. Line upon line...precept upon precept.