These are the facts: Kip Kinkel, age 15, opened fire in a crowded cafeteria at Thurston High School on May 21, 1998...killing 2 students and wounding 25 others. He also had murdered both his parents either the night before or earlier that morning. The day before, May 20, he was expelled from school for having a loaded gun in his locker. He is now serving a life sentence of 111 years without the possibility of parole...in Oregon.

"Thurston High School---May 21, 1998"
by Aimee

Dead. “That’s such a big word.” Elijah, a senior Varsity wrestler, probably for the first time in his life felt his heart stop. I look around the room and know everyone has simultaneously been punched in the stomach with a sharp knife. Time stops. Silence prevails. The skinny, white-haired history substitute keeps talking frantically, but no sound is heard. He suddenly realizes what he has said. He stops, turns, and leaves the room. Suddenly cold, Megan starts to shake and her boyfriend Jason holds her tight without noticing. Morgan, never lacking for words on the stage or in a debate, sinks quietly into a desk. Igor shakes his head. Nothing like this ever happens in Brazil. I blink. I must not be awake yet. I’d pinch myself if I could remember how, but I can’t feel my arms. My world clouds into nothing. My world no longer exists.

BZZZZ. . Go!! Shut up already! Smack! Wait a minute...How many times have I hit that this morning? What time...? Crap, I’m late! Again. “C’mon, Gabrielle, get up. You’re going to be late for school. You know that Granny drives slower than Mom and Dad.” My eight-year-old sister is sprawled completely sideways across our temporarily shared bed. Her blond hair is all tangled around her face, and her blue eyes are swollen shut with sleep. Up. Shower. Dress. Goodwill jeans, a huge blue men's T-shirt and my cream polar fleece vest. Just like every other day. Way to be creative. Oh, well. No time for make-up, as usual. Hair up in a scrunche. Brush teeth. O.K. “Gabrielle, let’s go. You ready?” I grab my books while she grabs her black Tweety backpack and we’re off. Another day at school. Its okay, though, just seven more after today. Graduation.. Finally.

I turn and see a blond-haired, blue eyed boy sitting in one of the ugly brown chairs in Thurston High School’s counseling center. It seems almost like he’s waiting to change his schedule. I place a hand on his shoulder. His empty eyes don’t even blink. “Hi.” No response. “What’s your name?” Nothing. I ask again. “I’m Aimee.” He jumps like he just noticed I am there. “I’m Ryan.”
Someone kicks me in the leg. It should hurt. I look at her for a second. She is screaming hysterically. She seems to have no control over her body. She is ripping out her tangled, dirty brown hair and kicking wildly. No one notices. I blink and look at her again. Her over-sized, once brown cords are soaked with blood, and her black T-shirt is turned almost completely around. Suddenly, I notice her. I jump up and almost tackle her, holding her arms at the shoulders as tightly as I can. I get hit in the ear. Damn. I pin her to the ground with my knees on her thighs and my hands on her arms, this time just below her elbows. She’s at least four inches shorter than me, but about my weight and with her adrenaline pumping I can hardly hold her down. I yell at a teacher for water. Decades later she brings me a glass. I move my legs to her arms, and pour the water down her throat while being kicked repeatedly. “Swallow!” As it starts pouring out the sides of her mouth, she finally swallows. I can feel her body relax beneath me. She sees me for the first time as she is thrust back to the present.

“Three. Jake and Jennifer on one side and another girl on the other. I thought it was a skit. You know, like for the ASB elections or something. It couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t. There was so much blood... All three of them hit the ground before I even moved. You know, I just transferred from Mohawk because it burned down. I’ve been here less than a year, and... .I must be a curse or something. Three.” Adam, the sophomore drummer in the jazz band is barely breathing. He towers over me. I try desperately to comfort him, but I don’t even reach his shoulder. “Three.” “Have you eaten? I’ll get you a bagel and some juice. Stay right here, okay.” A woman from the State Crisis Counseling Center floats over to the table we’re standing at and asks if we need to talk. I just look up at him. “No.” “Have you eaten?” “I was just going to go get him something.” “Umm.. Are you friends?” Her last ditch effort at conversation flounders. We’ve never even met before. I shake my head slightly. He looks down at me and smiles. “I guess we are now.”
I drive up to school in a hurry. I hale being late. Its 7:58 and I’m going to get another detention. Crap. Why are all these people here and in my way?!? I can’t get another detention. That’d be three detentions at an hour each. Why is there an ambulance with its flashing lights on pulled in front of the walkway to the courtyard? Did I forget about the Emergency Awareness Day with HOSA again? I thought that wasn’t until next month. I look again. Dang it, there’s a cop car there, too. I must have forgotten. To my left Mrs. Carlisle, the blond teacher that helps out with HOSA, is answering a question from the car behind me. All I can see from her lips is the word ‘‘Shooting.”

I blink. I must not be awake yet. I'd pinch myself if I could remember how, but I can’t feel my arms. My world clouds into nothing. My world no longer exists. Sarah Chambers crumples to the floor in a heap. “She’s dead. Theresa’s dead. She was leaning her head against my back and she just fell. He shot her in the head. She’s dead, I know it, she’s dead. 0h God, don’t let her be dead.” I put my arms around her shoulders and run my fingers through her hair. Amazing. There’s not a drop on her. “Breathe, Sarah. Come on. It’s okay, God’s got her.” Words tumble from my mouth and I hear them as if someone else is saying them. I’m surprised to realize that it’s me. The words comfort her and she starts to nod her head, but she’s still crying so hard she can’t breathe or see. Mrs. Sundahl, my creative writing teacher, comes into the room. She gets mobbed. We’ve seen no one from outside except the sub. We know nothing. “Are there any witnesses here?” She directs the question at me. “Just Sarah.” She is still sobbing inconsolably in my arms. “She needs to go to the counseling center for crisis counseling, and she needs to give a statement.” She tries to get up, but can’t. I look to Mrs. Sundahl for direction. “Take her.” I nod. “Sure.” I leave the secured classroom for the chaos of the counseling center.
“I saw Kip in the hall. He had a funny look on his face. He’s in my Science class.” I listen to Ryan as he tells his story for the first time. “I said hi and he just looked at me. He said, ‘I like you. Go away. Go and don’t come back. Go now.’ I just looked at him. I don’t know why, but I turned to go. He looked serious, I guess. I heard shots before I even finished a step. I turned back around and two guys were laying there two steps behind me. Kip just turned around and shot two guys point blank in the head. Why did he do that?” He takes a drink of the water I brought to him. “I’m glad I was nice to him.”

I maneuver Sarah through the halls. I take her the long way to avoid seeing the cafeteria as much as we can. I almost have to carry her. I was told to be careful. We still don’t know if they’ve caught him, and I don’t want Sarah to go through any more. Finally we get to the door, and someone pulls us in and slams the door behind us. The room is packed. She immediately sees friends of hers and runs to them. “Have you heard anything?” The room smells of something. What is it? I know this smell... Blood. 0, God, its blood. I think I’m sick.
I see Mrs. Graham. Thank God. We smile and hug. Her face is the first welcome thing I’ve seen all morning. She is my mentor and art teacher. A true woman of God. “I wore this cross today and I didn’t really know why. I guess I do now... It’s so good to see you,” she says with a smile. “I’m so glad you’re here. Can I help or will I be in the way?” “You can do as much as any of us. Stay. It’ll be good to have you here.” “Thank you.” We squeeze hands and offer up a quick prayer as we go our separate ways.

I start to shake. I'm so cold. I can’t get through to Tyler or my grandparents. ‘Dear God, please give me wisdom. Let me help here. You put me here, give me something to do. Let Tyler have a peace about me. Tell him I’m alright. Please let something good come out of this. Please.
I'm walking around passing out more water and I trip over a girl. I didn’t see her. She’s sitting on the floor holding her knees, head in her lap, just rocking. Just rocking. I bend over to talk to her, then decide to sit next to her on the floor. She’s shaking, too. I talk to her and she responds. That’s a nice change. “Are you cold?” “A little.” “Here.” I take off my vest and place it around her shoulders. I want to cover some of the blood that is enveloping her. I hand her the water I have, and she drinks it. “I’m Aimee.” “Shelley.” “Hi. Come on. Let’s go clean you up.” She looks like a frightened child you just took from the corner they were hiding in. She looks back. Her eyes are empty. Her blond hair is brown with blood. I’m sick again. She has blood drying on her face, arms, clothes, under her fingernails, even on the bottom of her shoes. We head to the teacher’s industrial sink in the library. We wade through a sea of people packed too tight to breathe waiting in line for the phone, but as they see her, blood-stained, they part like the Red Sea. The room around us grows quiet. “Come on.”
I take a wet paper towel to her face and move her arms under the running water. She has to look away. “It was my boyfriend.” The knife in my stomach twists. Don’t think. I wipe the water all the way up to her shoulders. I dry her off and carefully step her aside so I can wash myself. I make the mistake of looking. I just watch as someone’s lifeblood pours down the sink like dirt. The water turns pink against the terribly white sink. I’m going to throw up. ‘0, God, I’m sick again. This person is dead and I’m washing his blood off like dirt. I don’t even know his name.’ I’m so nauseous. DON’T THINK! Take Shelley back and sit her down. Just don’t think. Don’t think...

I take 10 seconds aside to breathe. I walk to the one semi-quiet corner between the counseling center and the library to just be there with Mrs. Graham. We both breathe for the first time in hours. Lifetimes. Mrs. Bellissimo scurries past us then stops and turns around. She needs a break, too. “I feel like I should be doing something for these kids. They haven’t eaten in hours. I have some donuts in my room. Should I go get them?” She’s talking so fast I can hardly keep up mentally. She looks at us helplessly. I say, “No. Don’t give them sugar.” “What do they need? I don’t know what you kids eat.” “Bagels. They need bagels and cream cheese and fruit and juice and more water. We’re almost out. Muffins, too, maybe.” I can’t believe the authority in my voice. Thank you, God. She looks at me and smiles like a little kid you just gave the privilege of bringing you the remote control. She runs off and twenty minutes later I turn around and there are tables upon tables of muffins, bagels, cream cheese, oranges, apples, bananas, and at least three different kinds of juices. Even water, bottled this time.

Water. Finally. A shower. I can’t get it hot enough. Why won’t this blood come off me? I kicked all my clothes off and threw them into the hail to be washed. They’ll be done by the time I finish with my shower. I’ve washed my hair four times! Why can’t get it clean?!? The water is so hot I am burning myself and I can’t get clean. I can still feel it and smell it. I drop my head to the wall and cry. ‘Why, God? Why?’

I walk around the counseling center passing out water, bagels, oranges; listening, hugging. I hear half conversations. Everyone talks, no one listens. “I wonder when 3rd period is today?” “The one night I actually did all my homework.” “Have you heard anything?” “I guess the test in history won’t be today.” Allen just stands there, staring. “Allen... Allen, talk to me. Please.” “I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have left him.” “What is it, Allen?” “I should have stayed.” “Allen, talk to me please. I’m listening.” “He got shot and he fell. There was so much blood.” Allen was blank. “Tony told me not to leave him. I had his head in my lap. He said not to leave him.” I turn around, half expecting to see jungle or hear enemy fire. The bookshelves and carpet surprise me. “They made me. I shouldn’t have left him... I shouldn’t have left him...”
Through the glass windows I can see across the courtyard and into the cafeteria. Blood. Chaos. Stretchers. So many people. I start to shake. I’m so cold. Don’t think. Just don’t think.
So many people here. “I don’t know you.” “I’m Karen from the State Crisis Counseling team.” “Oh. Hi.” “Have you given your statement to the detectives yet?” “No, I didn’t see anything. I’m just trying to help out.” They are everywhere. The whole library is taken up with detectives at tables, city, county and state police, three or four different crisis teams. They all want to hear your story. You have to sign out before you can leave the room. “Leave your phone number.” I look up at the clock. 10:35. Damn. I’m hungry, but I can’t eat. I can’t even swallow. Adam is talking to a detective now. He can’t get a hold of his parents and he doesn’t drive, so we’ll take him home. Me and whoever is out there waiting for me. I hope Tyler is there. I miss him right now. ‘0, God, please let Tyler be there.’

I walk back down the connecting hall between the library and the counseling center. Stacey is quiet now. We got her to a room all by herself, just her and the water tanks. She seems to have stopped kicking, but I am still leery. She sees me, and I go in to see her. She won’t let go of my arm. “Please don’t leave me.” I calm her down, and take her to a detective. They can’t reach her family, but at least this will give her something to do while they try. My bet is that they are waiting outside. No one comes in, people just leave. Walking or on a stretcher, people just leave. The detective pries her off of me, and gives me a sympathetic look. He asks if I’ve eaten. I pretend not to hear. I just want to go home. I find Adam and we sign out. 10:50. Three hours. I get a teacher to unlock the classroom that my bag was abandoned in and we walk down the deathly still hall.

The sun is shining. It hurts my head. 1 wish it would rain. It should be raining. Usually the sun offers hope; today it just seems to be mocking us, all of us. This seems like it will never be over. Five more steps. We cross the police line. I can feel the air against my face for the first time today, but it is stale. There is no life in it. It still reeks of blood.

Tyler is there sitting on a bench. Good I knew he would be. He stands and walks to me. He looks tired. We hug. I want nothing more than to go home and get lost in his hug. “I love you, Aimee.” I hardly hear him, but his words and the sound of his voice hit me on a much deeper level. He will take me home, and I will cry. That doesn’t seem to make sense, but nothing makes sense to me today. I haven’t really felt anything since I heard the words “Shooting” and “Dead.” I just want to wake up. I just want to get lost in Tyler. I just want to go home. He holds me. For the moment nothing else matters. I can not change it. No one can change it. All we can do is to deal with it, and hope someday to sleep and not see an industrial sink.

Wow! I cant believe it!! I went there on my own on bus ytd at around 7... Then wow they already started cooking le... then i could smell it from the lift... the door was open wide open like inviting me in like that... lol... The food i ate a little... then michelle came later and they have already eaten finish... then i helped her bbq those food cause i find it quite fun... lol Then i drank a can of beer then they open red wine then i drank abit.... then much later on they mix it with champagne it taste much nicer... then then started the present thingy... then py gave me the clothing that i wanted that time at sun tec city.... Then im soo touch by it man... I cant believe it!... Then after that most of the people return home.. then four of us left were staying at yt house... then they started gambling... then i felt bored by it.. then i have no choice but to play along lor... then heng wwe started i went out and watch it... then i came back in they are still gambling... then nvm bout it... i keep playing and keep making a fool about everything... Then it was very funny i just need to laugh... The whole was very funny but some times quiteboring.... Then we talk throughout the night.... Going out of the house a few times just to take a puff... Kinda troublesome...

I dont know if he will be release from jail or not.. one of the article say he will be release when he is 21.. but i believe he wont be release... he will be in prison for more than 111 years for killing 4 and injuring more than 24... without any possibilities of parole... sad man...


Jennifer was one of his victim... she was called for a testimonial.... Many were called too but i posted this one....

Kip shot Jennifer Alldredge in the hand and chest.

Just in case you want to put a name and a face with count 9, I am Jennifer Alldredge and you tried to murder me.
I got to school early that day, because it was my boyfriend, Jake Ryker's birthday. I sat down at the middle front table with all of my friends and we were joking around and talking about a surprise party for Jake that his mom was throwing for him. Several minutes later, I looked up at the clock to see it was time to go to class. When I stood up to give Jake a hug, the cafeteria side door opened and you walked in. There were strange noises, like fireworks, and I thought you were campaigning for class elections like the rest of the popular group you hung out with.
Instead, I felt intense heat and pain hit and spasm through my hand. I watched blood splurt and pour out of my two fingers as my entire hand throbbed. Nauseated and scared I tried to scream, but you had shot me again, this time through my lung and blood gurgled out of my mouth. I fell and went in and out of consciousness. The whole time I had no idea that you had shot my boyfriend as well. I had no idea what events took place that day until several days later when I looked up at the TV when I was in ICU.
The paramedics deemed me a lost cause. Todd Ferguson, one of the emergency paramedics, stepped over me and saw that I was almost dead. It wasn't until I spit a lifesaver out of my mouth that he finally decided to take a chance on me. It hurt to breathe. My body felt heavy and constrictive. My hand throbbed and pulsated with blood everywhere. I could smell it, I could taste it and the memory of seeing it still haunts me. I felt so cold and I just wanted to go to sleep, but the paramedics wouldn't let me. A respirator breathed for me for two days and they removed it the third, after a few attempts to wean me off, but my lungs weren't strong enough and they would collapse again. My index and middle fingers are now fused in one place. I will have my hand deformed for the rest of my life.
In the summer, when I wear a bathing suit or a tank top, people gawk and ask questions about the scars from the bullet holes, 42 staples, 3 chest tubes, and hand scars. I feel as if I have done something to be ashamed of. As if I have done something to deserve to look the way I do. I had to alter the way I hold a pen and write; each day at school and work people look at me questioningly.
I want you to know that I am not falling for this poor little mentally sick rich boy. I don't buy that whole act of burying your head in the table. I'm not going to feel sorry for you or claim you were misunderstood. Do you know that everyone felt depressed and as if they were not seen for who they really are in middle school and their freshman year? I don't buy that excuse. Your parents loved you and supported you, offering to get you help for your depression. You were part of the popular group at school, you were on the football team, and had it made. You had the high school life many of your victims never got the chance to experience.
You made the rest of my high school life absolute hell. I became someone other kids avoided because I reminded them of you and the shooting. Other so-called friends tried to use me to get attention. I became this story and no longer a person. I became the object of people's pity, and that sickens me. My name became "victim" and everyone felt compelled to discuss every gory detail of the shooting and its aftermath with me. I felt alienated from everyone. Between therapy, meetings, doctor appointments, surgeries, and dealing with my own fear that you will one day try to hurt me again, I am so tired of having all of this run my life. I have had to continually deal with the consequences of what you have done. That, to me sounds as if it is a harsh punishment just for sitting in the cafeteria. The fact that you will spend at least 25 years in jail seems so inconsequential.
You killed the two people in your life who loved you unconditionally. Guess what? Mommy can't kiss it and make it better anymore, because you killed her. And not just shot her once, but six times maliciously. Daddy isn't able to bail you out of jail anymore. No one can hug you and tell you everything will be okay, because it won't. It won't ever be okay until Mike and Ben can walk and talk with their families again, it won't be okay until my friends' surgeries are done and the scars have miraculously erased. It won't ever be okay again until every memory, every fear, and every consequence becomes non-existent. And that won't happen unless you can go back in time.
I hate you. I hate what you have done. I hate what I have become because of you. I hate living in fear each day. I hate seeing my family falling apart. I hate hearing the sound of my mom cry at night. I hate how it has become so difficult just to go up to my dad and crawl in his lap and have him reassure me. I hate losing my high school friends because the strain of the shooting always seemed to come between us. I hate that I can't go back to Thurston to visit, without pausing and remembering that I almost died there. I hate that so much of my life for the past year and a half has been devoted to all of this. I hate how difficult it has been to move on and try to find a moment's peace from my anger. ...
I hope you spend the rest of your life in jail. You can't be cured. And if a medication was found to sedate you enough, I don't trust you to take it. You don't deserve to be out of jail. You don't deserve to have the same freedoms your victims have. ... I never want to worry about you hurting my friends and me ever again. I never want to send my kids off to school one day and worry if you have been released. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of letting you have that much power over me. You shouldn't ever be able to have that power again.



Im angry for what she have said to him... I hope she will understand the feeling of being kip... imagine having those voices in her head... To feel worst is to feel pain and worst inside you.. Being worst is feel worst about yourself... You want to die more than anything else and thats feeling pain and worst... Not some kinda injuries that hurt sooo much.. That can be cured right? But the feelings inside of you cant be cured...

damn it! why cant you all understand him!!

This is the letter of kip kinkel after he had just killed his parents...

I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry

This is a piece of his journal...

Love Sucks
No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.
It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience.
I really wouldn't know how to answer this question because my cold black heart has never and never will experience true love. I can tell you one about love. It does more harm than good. I plan to live in a big black hole. My firearms and [illegible] will be the only things to fight my isolation. I would also like to point out Love is a horrible thing. It makes things kill and hate.

I have spent days trying to figure out what I want to say. I have crumpled up dozens of pieces of paper and disregarded even more ideas. I have thought about what I could say that might make people feel just a little bit better. But I have come to the realization that it really doesn't matter what I say. Because there is nothing I can do to take away any of the pain and destruction I have caused. I absolutely loved my parents and had no reason to kill them. I had no reason to dislike, kill or try to kill anyone at Thurston. I am truly sorry that this has happened. I have gone back in my mind hundreds of times and changed one detail, one small event so this never would have happened. I wish I could. I take full responsibility for my actions. These events have pulled me down into a state of deterioration and self-loathing that I didn't know existed. I am very sorry for everything I have done, and for what I have become.

Today i went to suntec city esplanade bugis and plaza singapura... wow! The day was incredible! Wow AND the most amazing happen!! A caucasian asked me and my friends for directions.. and michelle and i was like what what? yes? can i help you? Cause me and michelle was crazy over them! WHOOO HOOO!! IMMA SOOO HAPPY!! Then we even lead him all the way to the station! Haahaz! He is soo friendly and cute! I cant stop myself from smiling! Hahazz i was smiling all the way man! He even offer us the mangosteen that he was eating! HaahZ! He said that his country didnt have that fruit.. And the sad thing was we reach the station.. haiz... and he will be flying back to canada tomorra... This is the first time im talking to a caucasian for suck a long duration... HAHAz and i went shopping afterwards.. I dont like singapore's clothing that they are selling! it totally sucks! I hate it! And my shopping sprees was so budget.. sad...

CHLORINE & TURPENTINE--------------------- Take a small cloth or rag and soak it in turpentine. Quickly drop itinto the bottle of chlorine. It should give off a lot of black smoke andprobably start burning...

ZINC EXPLOSIVE--------------
To make a big flash of flames almost instantly try mixing:
1 part Zinc dust 1 part Sulfur
When these two mix together they will burst into flame almost instantly!Be careful for it does go off in a sudden flash and can singe anything thatit is around if not expecting it. This is not a powerful explosive but itis violent even when not confined, so be careful.

SMOKE PRODUCER--------------
The following reaction should produce a fair amount of smoke. Sincethis reaction is not all that dangerous you can use larger amounts ifnecessary for larger amounts of smoke.
6g zinc powder 1g sulfur powder
Insert a red hot wire into the pile, step back. A lot of smoke shouldbe created.

GENERIC BOMB------------
Aquire a glass container. Put in a few drops of gasoline. Cap the topand turn the container around to coat the inner surface. Add a few dropsof potassium permanganate . To detonate justthrow against a hard object. I hear this is the same as a half stick ofdynamite!

PIPE BOMB---------
A pipe bomb is very easy to make. But is also very dangerous!
To construct a pipe bomb you will need a piece of pipe about one footlong. Some fine gun powder, a solar ignitor, and a battery. Cap one endof the pipe very good with a cap. Pour some gun powder in the other endabout little over the middle. Cap the pipe on the other end and make asmall hole in the middle of the pipe. Now wrap the whole pipe in electrictape and make the hole again. Place in the head of the solar ignitor in thehole. Tape the ignitor down so it will not fall out.
To ignite the bomb I suggest you take a VERY long wire and connect it tothe electrodes of the solar ignitor and run it very far away. Then connectthe battery at the other end of the wire. DO NOT touch the battery to theelectrodes of the bomb for even a second, because it WILL explode!!!
Remember take a long two conductor wire and connect it to theelectrodes and run it far away and then connect the battery to it. If youmade it correctly it will explode upon contact with the battery! Remember,this can kill you. This also can do a lot of property damage.

Yay! i just found out that kipland kinkel will be released from prison when he is 21.. he went to jail when he was 15 and it was around may 1998 so IS THIS YR! Imma happy fer him! I hope everybody will give in to him and not tease him and I really really truly hope he will be happy always... forever. He's a poor thing.. I hope he will not be a sadistic person anymore... no killings fer him... not even animals... heard he has been torturing them... Hope he will find a new life...

This is the journal of kip... poor thing

I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don't know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I've become.

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The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.

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Every time I talk to her, I have a small amount of hope. But then she will tear it right down. It feels like my heart is breaking. But is that possible? I am so consumed with hate all of the time. Could I ever love anyone? I have feelings, but do I have a heart that's not black and full of animosity?
I know everyone thinks this way sometimes, but I am so full of rage that I feel I could snap at any moment. I think about it every day. Blowing the school up or just taking the easy way out, and walk into a pep assembly with guns. In either case, people that are breathing will stop breathing. That is how I will repay all you . . . for all you put me through.
I feel like everyone against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don't: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.

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I need help. There is one person that could help, but she won't. I need to find someone else. I think I love her, but she could never love me. I don't know why I try.

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I sound so pitiful. People would laugh at this if they read it. I hate being laughed at. But they won't laugh after they're scraping parts of their parents, sisters, brothers and friends from the wall of my hate.
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Please, someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.

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My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren't I normal. Help me. No one will. I will kill every last . . . one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.

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I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don't want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.
I don't want to see, hear, speak or feel evil, but I can't help it. I am evil. I want to kill and give pain without a cost. And there is no such thing. . . .
If there was a God, he wouldn't let me feel the way I do. Love isn't real, only hate remains. Only hate.

Hey guys this is the story of kipland kinkel... quite sad actually althought he did kill his parents and friends... I actually pity him... He feel so sad and depressed he is not at fault man... is those ppl keep making fun of him and teasing him and some more he felt so lonely and depress... just read it... the journal was sad too... I got some pics of him too... Unfortunately it cant be posted... I can almost feel the sorrow and misery of him...

When Kinkel was taken from school after being expelled for having a loaded pistol, he was terrified of what his father would say. He'd long felt belittled and ashamed that he couldn't live up to his popular and athletic older sister, his only sibling and six years his senior, and this incident would just make things worse. He felt that he had nowhere to turn and no choice but to end his parents' lives. From that moment forward, he planned how he would do it, and then (according to some accounts) how he would make sure that he, too, would die—but not before getting back at classmates who'd made him feel worthless. Yet there was something else about this kid besides just failing to be part of the popular crowd. The way he planned and carried out what he did on May 21, 1998, speaks to something a bit more malignant: He may have been psychopathic. Child psychologist Jonathan Kellerman, author of Savage Spawn: Reflections on Violent Children, includes him in a list of children who have acted out violence with cold calculation. He recounts how Kinkel slew his parents, spent the night with their bodies in the home, booby-trapped the house with bombs, stole the car, and drove twenty minutes to school the next morning with a semiautomatic rifle and Glock pistol, with the intent to spray many rounds of bullets into people he knew. This was his world and he was wantonly destroying it over something as minor as a school violation. He even had a knife strapped to his leg and some pepper spray, which he tried using against the arresting police officer. His crime showed a finely honed and detailed sense of premeditation, and in fact, over the previous few years, he'd been slowly arming himself with numerous guns and explosives.
"What turns them on," says Kellerman about children like Kinkel, "is the kick, the high, the slaking of impulse…the subjugation of the rest of us." According to him, "Bad people are really different." They can seem quiet and shy, but that may in fact be the emotional flatness that signals psychopathy and that keeps them calm throughout their violent episodes. A good predictor of dangerousness in children, he says, is the combination of a certain temperament with a chaotic environment. Yet Kinkel did not come from a chaotic home---or could it be that the placid environment his sister Kristin had known for several years before he was born had changed and was thus chaotic to him?
A younger Kipland Kinkel (AP) By early adolescence, he set about making himself into someone that others regarded as "dangerous." He hung out with kids who got him involved in petty theft, and when he was caught, he knew this was yet another disappointment for his parents. He framed the lyrics from Marilyn Manson's song, "The Reflecting God," to the effect that there was no salvation, and then became fascinated with explosives. His was a disturbed mind, and he embraced emblems of despair. Unbeknownst to his parents, Bill and Faith, he collected a small library of books about making bombs, and classmates viewed him as something of an expert. Thus, he accomplished a sense of mastery, power, and dangerousness all at once. He was not about to give it up, and instead he added to it by collecting guns and hiding his stash from his family. In 1999, PBS's "Frontline" produced a thorough documentary of Kip Kinkel, called "The Killer at Thurston High." They interviewed friends, school personnel, and even Kristin Kinkel to try to find an answer as to why he'd want so badly for others to regard him as dangerous. From all appearances, he'd been raised by two schoolteachers who were good people, who wanted to get the most out of life, and who provided a nice home out in the country. How could they possibly have raised a killer?
While there's no formula for knowing exactly what goes wrong in the life of a kid, there appear to be several factors that joined in just the wrong way for Kinkel—factors that were not true for his sister, who was raised in the same home:
His parents went to Spain for a year when he was young and put him into a non-English-speaking school, which placed him at a severe disadvantage. He experienced other failures early, such as an inability to perform athletically like his sister, and once back in Oregon, an inability to do well in school. He was dyslexic in the midst of a family that was immersed in academics. He was clumsy, while his father was a star tennis player. He came to believe that he disappointed his parents, probably through watching their complete approval of their firstborn. He was small and weak, and he looked for ways to empower himself. He had a poorly-managed temper and he participated in some antisocial activities, such as throwing rocks at cars. He claimed he'd also blown up cats and a cow. His father, too, had a temper, which frightened Kip, and he was quick to show judgment. He expected a lot from both of his children. Kip set off explosives that he made himself to vent his feelings. As he learned about the power of firearms, he struggled against his father, who wanted to keep guns out of the home. Then he changed his mind and allowed Kip to take some gun safety lessons and bought him some rather high-powered rifles, as well as a lethal hunting knife. Eventually, Kip's parents took him to a therapist—a move his father was against---and while the therapist felt that Kip should not have guns, he proudly talked with Kip about his own Glock 9-mm handguns. Thus, Kip got a dose of ambivalence about guns from several authority figures. Kip was put on Prozac for depression, but when he seemed to be doing better, he stopped taking it. He wrote in his journals about how much he hated himself, how lonely he was, and how he wished he were bigger. He had a crush on a girl, who did not share his intense feelings, so he identified with a brutal version of Romeo and Juliet, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, which was then in vogue among teenagers. In this film, violence and suicide are highly glamorized. Kip also wrote about his "cold, black heart," and added, "As soon as my hope is gone, people die." To his mind, love only inspired hate. Given all these factors, which is most to blame? Did Kip's parents inadvertently handle things badly? Was Kip born with a predisposition such that, no matter what they did, he would have turned out to be violent? Was he influenced by the songs and films that advocated hopelessness and death? Or was there something else?
According to Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley in Ghosts in the Nursery, the roots of violence develop in the first two years of our lives, starting at conception. "With the exception of certain rare head injuries," they claim, "no one biological or sociological factor by itself predisposes a child to violent behavior. The research underscores that it is the interaction of multiple factors which may set the stage." In other words, it's not due to a negative experience, a brain disorder, genetics, or mistakes in parenting, but it could be the result of a cumulative effect of a combination of factors, along with the failure of normal protective systems in the environment.
Among those factors associated with violence, they list
harmful substances ingested by mothers during pregnancy chronic maternal stress during pregnancy low birth weight early maternal rejection or abuse nutritional deficiencies low verbal IQ ADHD lack of consistency among caregivers in early life ineffective discipline severe neglect While none are considered causal, in certain combinations and with certain dispositions, they can provoke anger, lack of anger management skills, and violence against self or others. If these kids don't connect early, there can be problems later in life. "Babies reflect back what they absorb," the authors say, and that notion has serious implications. If we fail to address the issues of competent child-rearing and healthy pregnancies, one in twenty babies born today will end up behind bars, as Kip Kinkel did.
Because he had access to funds and to people selling stolen guns, he was expelled, but even before that, the negatives were obviously accumulating. Then the police took him away and called his father to come get him, a humiliation in itself, and he had to think once more about what Bill was going to say about this disgrace. He decided then and there that all hope was gone. He went to his room, got his semiautomatic rifle, and then returned to the kitchen and shot his father to death. Then he called a friend and talked for a while as he waited for his mother to come home. She arrived around 6, parked in the garage downstairs and began to go up the steps. Kip came and told her he loved her before he shot her six times.
He covered the bodies of both of his parents with sheets and as he waited through the night, he placed homemade bombs around the home, putting one under his mother's body. He then turned on the soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet to play continuously, and left a note, "I have killed my parents. I am a horrible son." In his journal, he'd written, "My head just doesn't work right. Goddam these voices in my head."
Victim, Ben Walker (AP) Then he went to school with his rifle and a pistol, and in less than a minute shot 48 rounds into his classmates. He put a rifle to one boy's head and killed him. He'd also fatally wounded another and hit eight more. Fifteen kids were hurt in the stampede to escape. Some kids wrestled him to the floor and he begged, "Just kill me." When taken into custody and questioned about why he'd done this, he just kept saying through tears, "I had no other choice…I had to." Kipland Kirkland, mugshot (AP) Though he was 15, Kinkel was certified to be tried as an adult. He'd initiated an insanity defense, but dropped it and pled guilty to four counts of first-degree murder and twenty-four counts of attempted murder. He was sentenced to 112 years in prison without parole.
Things seemed quiet for awhile in schools around the country. Then nearly one year after Kinkel's rampage, on April 20, 1999, on the anniversary of Adolph Hitler's birthday in 1889, the school killings reached their apex with the tragedy that occurred in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Two more angry kids acquired guns and bombs and plotted a day their classmates would never forget.

Man... im finally sick man... sick isnt a very good thing to feel about I finally tasted the worst. God really damn me.. Heat in the brain and aching everywhere. The camp is damn boring. We are having extra cme lesson for a full i think 4-5hrs man. That was god damn sucky. Then most of the time we were sitting around. Cos most of the time we were sitting just sitting. Dawg.. Then the next was the same too, just fart around and along. I just do not give a shit about what they gonna do man.. the sun was blazing man and we still need to do those lame obstacles courses. Those peeps just told us to try it for some experience. I rather climb a real mountain for a damn good experience. Doesnt it make some sense? I stay in the sun for about three whole motherfucking hours. Man then at that time im really getting 38 hot dawg.. They really lose it man... But many funny things happen in the camp which is memorable hahahz... So funny man those peeps.. Next i wanna complain about the sleeping time... THAT MOTHERFUCKING FLOOR IS GOD DAMN HARD TO SLEEP MAN!! Dawg! I cant believe they are gonna let us sleep on that hard hard hard floor. I cant sleep 24/7 man!And the cold was so unbearable and i dun even have a blanket... Then my pain came again... Some peeps there were cool... But some there was just a BG... There was one guy who gave me a deep impression.. wow... But Its not to the point of 143... I cant believe that girl seen one guy then was like 143 already... So ___ ... dunno what to describe her... Tml i still need to go to a prison visit... Wtf they want us to go in izit.. damn... Lucky im sick today tml i go take mc then everything will be alright.. Eminem new encore album the songs was alright too... only some doesnt appeals to me... Yea... aight... hope that i will lose more weight... Bye homs

This part of the lyrics is meaningful... You shoulda check it out.

They say music can alter moods and talk to you\Well can it load a gun up for you , and cock it too\Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude\Just tell the judge it was my fault and i'll get sued\See what these kids do is hear about us totin' pistols\And they want to get one cause they think the shit's cool\Not knowin' we really just protectin' ourselves, \we entertainersOf course the shit's affectin' our sales, you ignoramus\But music is reflection of self,\ we just explain it,\ and then we get ourchecks in the mailIt\'s fucked up ain't it\How we can come from practically nothing to being able to have any fuckin'thing that we wanted\That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing\Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine\Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long\Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs\Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives\Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die\Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe\We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes\That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, \queeze it andhold it\Cause we consider these minutes golden\And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone\Just let our spirits live on, \through our lyrics that you hear in our songs

So people say they just LOSE a friend. And did i say I BREAK off the relationship with them?!?! NO NO NO! Did I? Did I? I didn't did i? So what the fuck is their problem anyway?! They asked what shit is this? I tell ya I DUNNO! So don't give me that kinda shit! Do you guys want to lose a friend? Is that what you guys want? Are you guys hinting me that?! That means you guys start this nonsense just to diss me off? Trying to break off the friendship or what? What is it?! Yea cigarette hurts my health and do you want just a cigarette to hurt our friendship as well?! What the fuck lose a friend... Why do you guys want to condemn her forever? Why not just give her a chance? I just dont understand you guys.... So freaking pissed off... And suddenly all this controversy circles me.. Fucking controversy

i got myself into that shit i will get out of it myself. I wanted to find back my self. Its not me now. I dun feel my self anymore. Ever since i gotten into that. Now i will find the route back home.

Today i have learnt. First. A habit dies hard. I thought you have change! Tell me all kinda things that you wont do next time. Told me that you have learnt your lesson. Oh really? I would really want to know. Dun ever forgot what you told me. I will remember it always. I dont know whether to believe you or not. Second. I've learn to hate singapore even more. Today I went out happily to watch a movie it turn out to be an unseen movie! Why? BEcause! Today i went to the cinema to watch a nc-16 movie that requires me to be 16 to watch the fucking movie. And there is only months away before im 16 and further more we are mature beings! Why? 15 means childish? Cant think at all? Need papa and mama by my side izit? Is that what you mean? I have brains godamit! You think im an idiot?! Even if you wouldn't let me in then at LEAST pay me back my fucking money or let me have a change of ticket then you would just let me waste my money and not do anything about it? I just cant believe I waste my money just like that! Its so fuck up. But what can i do?!?! Damit! Anyway whats wrong with us anyway?! Why create this nc-16, pg, m-18 and all age restricted kinda thingy?! It maybe violent or scary so what?! Its our motherfucking business and none of yours! Why?! Your afraid singapore cant think because you think that they have no darn brains and will attact you izit?! Its not scary to ME anyway. Well maybe your just scare. So you think everybody will be scare too right? Well I'm not! Its just your selfish mean little thinking! So why wont you get lost and scratch your back and take back your fucking laws home with you! Bye~! Well bye to the person who created this fucking laws.

Top Ten Children's Books that Won't be Written
Here are some children's books that will NEVER be written:
10: You're Different and That's Not Good
9: The Boy Who Died After Eating All His Vegetables
8: The Childrens' Guide to Hitch-Hiking
7: Jane Was So Naughty That Her Mummy Stopped Loving Her
6: Curious Colin and the High-Voltage Electric Fence
5: Yummy Sweeties - A Guide to Strangers and Their Sweets
4: Things Which Rich People Have, and You Will Never Have
3: See the Cat Lying, See the Cat Flying
2: Whining, Kicking and Crying - 20 Easy Ways to Get What You Want
1: "Ploff!" said the Hamster and 100 Other Fun Microwave Games

Today, I learned something important. Sometimes, rather most of the time when you realize something, it’s always too late! That’s what I learned today. Actually, I’ve been in this situation a few times already, but I never learned from it. What usually happen, is that I blame myself then regret it and then after sometimes I’ll do the same mistake again. What am I talking about? Well, I really hate it when I don’t do things that I was supposed to do or I postponed ‘till eternity. Why am I like this?!?!? I hope I’ll learn and remember something this time…

In our life we meet and encounter different people, some maybe a bitch or an asshole, some can be an angel… But no matter who and what they are in our lives, we may or may not be close to them but they will always leave something that we can learn from. They can either make a very big impact, which can change our lives or we may not know it sometimes but they already taught us something. Whoever they are, whatever is their status in life we will surely learn something from them. Well whatever... I wonder if singapore has any rap battlings at the street.

Quote of da day!... Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway

Linkin Park Biography

Linkin Park is a truly unique band. They are not just Rock, Rap, or
Electronica band. They comprimise of a veritable mixture of different styles
and stylists in music, This makes them a hybrid in the type of music they
play and their fan-base too. We are true lovers of Linkin Park

Linkin Park's origin began in 1996 when rapper guitarist Brad Delson and the
infamouis Mike Shinoda started a band called Xero. Other members of the
band were Mark Wakefield the vocalist, Joseph
Hahn the DJ, Rob Bourdon the drummer, and "Phoenix" Farrell the bassist.
Xero made a four track demo tape including: Fuse, Stick N' Move, Rhinestone,
and Reading My Eyes.

When Mark Wakefield left the band, they changed their name to Hybrid
Theory. Later "Phoenix" chose to leave the band to tour with another band,
called"The Snax". The rest of the gang continued to play together primarily
for fun. They later, signed with Zomba Music an occasion that came about
when they played at The Whiskey Club in Los Angeles. The final addition to
the band came in the form of Chester Bennington.

Magical Chester, in our humble opinion, was absolutely the missing catalyst.
His extra-ordinary voice lets him deliver the lyrics at a gentle yet
aggressive pace. He can hit pitch notes like no other. Chester humbly even
blames this on "years of singing" and "scar tissue". We absolutely love him.

His arrival completed the Band. Thus in 1999 Carousel, And One, Technique,
Step up, High Voltage & Part of me were born as a six track EP, to
tremendous applause.

Some legal wrangling made it necessary to change the band's name. True to
their "hybrid' spirit Linkin Park was chosen. Members drove by Lincoln Park
regularly so why not use a similar sounding, unique name. Chester has been
recorded to say he wanted a name which was unique, "where the music could
define the name rather than the name define the music". Phoneix pulled a
mythical rebirth and rejoined the band fulfilling his destiny. New demos
were made and the chase for a record label was on. Warner Records were lucky
to hear the music, like it and sign up Linkin Park. A massive page in their
history was written.


Linkin Park released their debut album, Hybrid Theory In October 2000,. Hits
like One Step Closer, Crawling, and In The End were born. Hybrid Theory
eventually received 8x platinum. Hybrid Theory does not follow a trend set
up by a lot of other bands in that it doesn't contain any curses or swear
words. This was because the band wanted to write lyrics honestly and they
thought that unnecessary swear words take away attention from the music.
They wanted something that the public could listen to over and over again
and enjoy repeatedly. At it's completion they felt they had achieved this
feat with Hybrid Theory.


After Hybrid Theory was released, Linkin Park's fame permitted them to tour
all over the world. They toured with bands like POD, 3 Doors Down, and
System Of a Down.

July of 2002, saw LP release the Hybrid Theory Remix album, Reanimation.
These remixes included talent from rappers like Black Thought and 20 tracks
were cut.

In March of 2003, LP released their 2nd year album, Meteora. This album
includes hits like Somewhere I Belong, Numb,, and Faint. Included on Meteora
and Reanimation were ground breaking extras. They contained enhanced
portions. These parts of the discs included videos and other extra 'goodies"
fans could view on their PC. The band wanted to use technology and let the
fans to see the process of making albums . This helped them share all the
"Blood, Sweat and Tears," they put into making the albums .

Linkin Park has won numerous awards including an award at the VMAs. Their
popularity has grown world-wide. They are now truly international with a
multitude of fans. From their hybrid genres to their non offensive
swear-free lyrics, to their use of turntables and samples, Linkin Park cover
a truly versatile ground and provide an entertaining and unique performance.

From that day on, Little Girl shuts her soul away from the world.

Years past and Little Girl grew up. Little Girl slowly develops her own identity but in truth, she never really found
herself. Little Girl hides behind a happy mask, trying to please everyone. But Little Girl was alone. She wanted someone
to be with her. She wanted someone to listen and to comfort her. Little Girl was lost in the big world.

Little Girl finally found that someone. Oh, what bliss, Little Girl thought.
She finally has someone to care for her and someone to care for. Little Girl was happy.

But lo! friends didn't seem to like Little Girl. They act polite in front of Little Girl but criticize her behind
her back. Oh what sorrow. Little Girl didn't do anything but be nice to the "friends". But the day Little Girl found out
about this, she was hurt. Oh, the pain. The anger. The loneliness.

Why should they be polite to me when they hate me so much? Little Girl wondered. Oh, Little Girl helped them so much in
the past. Sure, Little Girl has done some bad things but one can't help it when she is not perfect. Why trust someone you
hate with your secret when you hate them? They are bound to find out sooner or later. But no, Little Girl won't tell this
secret to anyone. Why? Because it is a secret.

So you see, like Little Girl, I have my share of enemies. God knows WHY they are polite and still tell me stuff they don't
want other people to know when they hate me so much just because I'm always too over-excited over things. So what? That's
my business and it's none of YOURS.

And if you thing I'm power hungry, Fuck You. You can go and screw yourself up the ass. I'm not that type of
person.

Remember that Im the one who make things happen
while you people just sit on your sorry little asses, criticizing me.

No more sweet lil pushover doormat Setsuna. Fuck me up once, I'll fuck you up 10 times harder. I'm not that little girl
anymore. Screw me, I'll screw you over 100 times worst.

Maybe i should do that. Change I mean. No more being a pushover, a doormat, sweet lil ol' Setsuna
which EVERYONE can step on. Why the sudden decision? Let me tell you a story.

Eight years ago, my parents think it could be fun torturing and starving me, messing up with my mind. Well, and
I get on with my life quite normally until i was, let me see, erm... 14. I started going out often and discover the world of
beauty and money. Im became materialitic and i even went to steal my mum's and dad's money. Fifty dollars by fifty a day.
I felt that they are abusing me by not giving me enough money. I steal I cheat I lie to get money. So as days goes by they
found out and they kept away all source of money at home. So I felt that I got no choice but to go out and steal and i steal
for about nearly a year and those stolen good went about nearly less than a thousand dollars worth. A year went by i lead
this kind of life stealing and cheating finding myself where should i really belong. And I can't seems to find myself.
So i continue this life. And i flop badly in the year examination and drop to a lower class.

Three months after my birthday I got caught for stealing and i got a sentence like a fuck up probation and couselling like i gotta
crack or something. Years and years my mum had advise me to find a true friend but not those who meant bad for me. But i
love being with them so i didn't listen to her advise. Until today i got her meaning. Mean girls sux. I will continue the
story of my life and WHY i decided to change as soon as i change the url of my blog. Because blog is meant for me myself and I and not anyone else.
So WHY must people keep coming back to read my blog? And i really can't write my true meaning and true feeling inside my
blog?! HUH?! So think about it blog readers! My new blog add is going to be difficult to guess so... dont try to guess..
hmm but its cool if you guys found it.

I'll lie down for the last time and fall well away from her
And I insist that I'll be dearly missed
(please, say never)
I'll pour down like water
In between the sky and doubt
we talked about 'forever'
and all our other useless words.
Until I say "in his silent sound was the
peace I found" but she hides behind
her eyelids. I feel the breath from
her nose on my neck as it blows by.
the warmth passes me (like her love did)
"But a tree once cut down
came up new from the ground"
she smiles a lie, "that may very well be,"
she replies "and so it goes,
it's the devil, I suppose but it doesnt matter much to me."
Put music to our troubles
and we'll dance them away.
From my left eye flow tears of joy,
of sorrow from my right.
"You might seem too strong to surrender,
boy, but you're far too frail to fight."
That old dull pain beats in my brain
it runs down my back into every limb-
And its more of the same
as the warmth that I seem to lack,
you'll neither find in him.
mewithoutYou "The Ghost"

ya.. and this was the pic that i came across that i wasnt been able to show to you guys this few days cause my com really got a crack or some thing...

and my description for this car was: A damn cold covering for a really cool car.. damn

Thought you would like this:
Why Women Cry...

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.
His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will.

"Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked,
"God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said:"When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a womanis not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."




**Women are special. Gen 2:18= "...a helper suitable for him"

wHY am i still in that " "?!?!

haiz... so sad cia today... but nvm... today i'v have already make up my mind my decision to lead a peaceful.. it maybe boring but nvm.... i rather be that way than become into an lonely freak! pool was ubber fun today... but it was rather hot there... but nvm... now talking on da phone with xh so cant think of anything to write... lol still feeling so empty

hate this world

so angry! i say bye to my mother and she dont even wanted to bid me goodbye... i repeated about six times and not even one time she responded! so disappointing! What kinda mother she are?! haiz... cant stand it.. it musta been the pressure and stress that is getting on my nerve... and everybody thinks that im a shop just come and go as they wish! i cant take it... this few days i've been thinking and tolerating about it... they just think of themself... when im into trouble then no ones like to trouble themself then they rather leave me all alone... i turn back time and live the way it was meant for me and not changing it and persueing into some kinda wild live.. prefer it peaceful and happy now... haiz.. can anyone get me outta this mess now?

delifrance....

the first day of work is always so boring... the people there so mean and unfriendly except some who is quite warming... feel like smacking those mean faces.. like want to bully newbies like that... been washing plates, bowls, glasses,etc...etc...etc. learning how to make drinks all that had been fun though... When straight hom cause it goin to be seven... whao and then my head ache so badly and my shoulders ache too.. man... so tiring.. one thing i gotta just get it outta my mind.. i felt so left out! so left out of everyone and da world! imma not exist! why is it onli when they are bored or sumthing then they come and find me! why is it that onli when im in high spirit then they are there to listen to my jokes! why is it when im moody and quiet then they went happily off to find another entertainer?!?! WHY WHY WHY?!?! my dearest friends not talking about you guys... just to tell ya just in case...

badluck?

Man... god had been cursing me again and again he musta realli hate me... i cant believe he did this to me... o...k... i had start my day by hearing my dad yelling at me in da morning cause we are late for the police lecturing... then we when there by his motorbike and it was soo cooling and windy... i was like falling asleep on da bike... we reach there just on time and the officer brought a group of others offenders that i dont know who in the universe they are i just follow the officer with my dad... and we guys went in to a room where everyone sat at a 'huge' table where i can hardly stay awake... AnD whats moRe he spat at us with load of craps and shit with the rules and regulation... and i was to reach home at seven o clock at night for EVERY sInGLE DAY!!! FOR SIX whOLE HeLLY MOnTHS! holy shit~! i dont know how am i going to survive with this kind of bloody rules... no smoking.. no drinking.. gambling... no re offending and blah blah blah~~ AND worst i have to go COUSELLING!!! omg! like i was some kind of mental-problmatic kid~! i cant believe i have to go to the same couselling centre again like i have gone to last yr!! IziT fated??!?! that i have a shit life!~ wtf?! After that my dad frive me back home again but now the situatuion is totally difirent man... ThE weather is soo damn hot! And my dad seems to agree with me and he suddenly pick up speed and my head totally cant catch up with the rest of my body and was realli like cartoons... the head at the back and the body in da front? hawhaw~ and i sms my sis told her to come down to eat at the nearby food centre... and went after that.... still broading over that matter... i have to go play pool on tuesday man how am i goin to go? if i ask my dad go along then i can stay out late.... but.. haiz... ugh! cursed life!

shit...

haiz.. so sad... when to play pool at somerset today... xy is on fight with her stead zx... then we went in and play for some time.. her stead came to play too... and it musta been a considence... cause she did not call him come... but we call another group of friend come with us... man.. and xy stead's friend bushuang our friend... then he call him go out and our friend kana beaten up heard that is four beat one.. oh man... this is so unfair!! i hate them!! haiz... then my friend say he doesnt want to see me again! i cant lose him as a friend! he was just looking at their pool table and they thought he was staring at them! FUCK THIER MUM'S ASS MAN! IT WAS SO HOLY CHILDISH! I HATE THEM!!! AnD my friend still say he dun wanna see any of us again! but its not our fault right! grrr! now its all screw up! so fuck up!

my fish.. :(

morning schoool had been bloody boring... and that guy ee chong keep calling me FaT~ lolz... quite funny though.. went to xy house right after wandering around school and went cooking and frying in da house... but it musta taste rather bad.. but anyway it had been fun... and she gave me what i wanted... a cigarette and i went to yt house right after that.. they were gambling there.. i was tired so i lied on the bed... feeling raTher sick now... and when i went home.. BaD news came running to me... man... saturday i need to go to that hell police station to settle that case which is forever never ending... it lasted for sooo damn long!! oh man.. when can this hell be gone... BuT i have to work on that helly day! man.. wat imma gotta do... damn.. god just cursed my life... that bloody fish just died... it musta hate its tank alot... so pityful its eyes look up to me.. haiz.. god do u realli need to curse me? no way! i gotta getta hell outta here! help me!!

today i watch the vcd again... i said i hate zhou ziruo because she is damn evil.. full of plots. Cant stand her in the first place.. BUT today when i saw her fighting! She was helly cool~! Because her eyes is full of evil and that was so damn cool~! But i still cant stand her! ugh! Imma goin back to my show! cyAz!

nth.. nth

been watching qi tian du long ji vcd this few days so never blog for so long... omg the show was so nice.. it was so nice that i missed out lots of show... i just cant stop watching it till i watch it all... ytd i watch the dics till it was like around five thirty in da morning! man... but tml i need to go to sch so i cant watch till so late... sad thing... the show just keep me in suspense. I got some new pics of cristiano e-mailed to me.. so happy.. he was so god gorgeous on da field!! Now im hearing happy ending by all american rejects very nice also... haiz... ke qi ar ke qi... nvm... nth... .... .... ....
I HATE SCH AND I HATE SINGAPORE!!! ugh! that was sucky.. ugh nvm...

WHY!?!?!?

WHY??? why do you read blogs? why do you read this blog? why do you keep coming back? what is it that makes you want to read more? why do you care? do you care? or is it cheap entertainment, like a story or tv show? do you want there to be a happy ending someday? is it supposed to end? what is the point? and some people say they are inspired. inspired how? to do what? to be how? i am stuck in "no where". i am nothing. i will become nothing. so how can that inspire anything? and if someone is inspired, then they will be more than me. they will be better than me...
how do these things work? explain yourselves, blog readers.

damn... oh man... my mouse gotta crack... it musta been the plug or the ants biting it... it cant moved!.. at all... and now im here using the keyboard to control the mouse... i have a difficult time doing it... ytd i lay awake till 1.40am and i meant to go to da teevee to watch coasta rice vs. portugal... i meant to watch it! i realli realli realli meant to watch it! but i lay there thinking bout things anddd i slept through the night! man!! i musta miss cristian on the field! he musta looked sexy there.. awww damn... haiz.. i fell for the person that i cant fell for... he cant be mine...awww... i musta hate myself.... and i realli hate singapore... i mean like....singaporean guys are sissys... realli! i musta miss him lots... oh ya and damn... today night they have athens olympics and that means i will miss today's episode of the o.c and wwe! omg all bacause of that olympic! i dun realli know why the whole world is sooo competitive! everything also want to compete with each other! man... wat the world have become into... andd ya.. today i met up with einstien AND you guys know what? he musta changed his hair style and lol finally changing his clothes i cant recognized his back view at all! i even asked his friend is that him? and i quickly take a look from the side first before calling him! AND he looked awesome! He is much much more cooler now! haw haw!

cristiano... sobs

ARGGGGH!!! Today got soccer match agentina vs portugal!!! but it is at 1.40am then my dad will be furious if i said i want to watch it but... i LOVE ronaldo!!! god!!why wont you help me this time?!?! awww i get miss this match if not i will miss him lots!! i wil regret it for my life time!! oh god! man.... wat im gonna do?? ugh! i need to watch that damn match! i dun care! wish my luck now everyone! hope my dad is asleep!

so fed up!

grrch!! so fed up now!!! stupid lagging system! i spend the this few minutes typing out my new post and this idiot page gone hay wire!! i press publish and it send me to other page when i press back! it was all gone!!! grrrr!!!! AARRRGGH!!!! okiez! so i will just type the summary!! gGRR! FIRSTLY I AM DAMN ANGRY WITH MY DAD SECONDLY, I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO JUN WEI FOR HELPIN GME OUT TODAY AND I HAVE SWORE NOT TO TYPE SINGLISH ANYMORE CAUSE I HATE SINGAPORE!!!! GRRR!! WORST NIGHT I EVER HAD!!!

weird...

woke up late in the afternoon... sneeze three times when i woke up... somethings gonna happen? guess what? i loss 2kg overnight! goss! im so damn happy! oh man... first time in my life. Felt so dizzy since i woke up didnt felt that ever before wats happening to me??? HAH! It was two days ago i watch a soccer match. And to my suprise it was iraq vs portugal.. and OMG it was CRISTIANO RONALDO!!! i was like 'awww soo cute!' i was soo freaking happy to see him!! and i was frozen in front of the teevee catching every view of him i could see.. every expression of him and every movement of him! gosh! And he got a yellow card for accidently hitting a person's eye.. and was like blood all over his eyes! it was damn cool~! lol.... BUT... To my disappointment portugal lose to iraq! omg i cant believe it!!! hate it when they lose! ugh! haiz... im soo hungry now but i cant afford to eat cause i just lost some weight and i don't want to get back to the same weight again! grrch!