was really trying to post something nice.. but guess i just lost it after meeting my first love..

life have been hectic.. i made it.. so that i have no time, too tired to think about other things.

she sms-ed me on sat morning, she said she saw me on a bus..
but after clarification, it was a wrong person.

but then we chatted a bit.. we met up today..

well, seem like after me she was almost never single, one after another...
and is happily attached to the current one..

i'm happy for her.
before the meet up, i told myself.. do i still feel for her?
maybe i do, since she leaves a big footprint in my love life.
but at the meet up, seeing her being so happily attached, looking as great as before..
I decided to keep my position as a friend.
but deep inside, i envy her..
envy the fact that she's rarely need to suffer through singlehood.
envy that her love life is through one of a most romantic encounter.

what about me?
i have friends,
close friends, a few cliques to meet up every month.
i have work,
fulfilling and wonderful job.
i exercise,
seeing effects on my body.

but i am not happy...
i dunno.. i am just not happy.

just, i'm thankful for everything.
i enjoy the company of friends,
i like my work,
i starting to lead a healthier lifestyle..

but i am just not happy..

i thought i can find things to enjoy in singlehood.
my friends are envying me.
have time for so many things, tuition, extra lessons for kids, coffee time, walk ard in Chinatown, City hall, backpacking overseas..

but i was never happy.

"how are you bro?"
"i'm ok"

no i'm not.. bro... and i know you wanted to help, but this kinda things... maybe there is no remedy to it.