booked a room but in the end, no one is staying? friends not staying
not even going to make use of the pool, leaving early..


arhh..
it's always like that
i'm never someone of importance to anyone..

we are too busy to place a friend in our priority

my friends say: hey you are too negative.
be more confident!

i'm learning i'm always learning
"why not let's sit down with the rest to talk about your matter?"

what? hey come one, here's my problem
i'm too fat
i'm too ugly
i'm too lazy
i'm too choosy
i'm too busy
i'm staying too far
my schedule is off
i have no time during term times
i can only be free during holidays

"hey, be more confident!"

i am learning, i'm struggling can't you see?

working out but no effects
restricting diets but no effects
making an effort to travel, but do you appreciate?
trying my best to be nice but just got hitten by blows and blows.

there's no choice to stay and work man.. what you want me to do?
stop telling me it's a pity i stay so far.

how to gain confident when the blows keep coming?
every little walls of confident is just wipe off so quickly before a wall is built?


why can't i just be rid of all these nonsense?
be a independent man, cultured, with good hobbies
so really close friends who will always meet up.
not just me treating him close but i'm just one of his many friends who he can't be bothered spending time with regularly.

why can't i just leave alone, and not see the outside world,
not see the beauty of having a partner
no need to envy them, be jealous of them
when they can save costs, travel together, stay together, do activites together
have someone important in my heart? and know that you are always the first priority in theirs?

why must i do activities alone? i've tried, and i'm tired.
i never wanted to be alone
but who will be willing to accompany me??
when i make arrangements to find time, who appreciates it?

when i change my schedule for the group
who understands it?

when i cannot make it for the outing
why is it never cancelled?
when others cannot make it for outing,
why is it cancelled immediately?

is it me?
am i too annoying?
too boring?
too negative?
too stupid?
too unreasonable?
too demanding?
too childish?
too impatient?
too moody?
too emo?
too dumb?
too fat?
too ugly?
too dull?
too horribly dress?

what am i?

i know good friends doesn't need to be around often
but i needed that? i just needed that!

be happy!
i tried to.. i tired myself up everyday for a reason!
so that i will not think of these dark reasons

but these exist and these murder me.
killing me and destroying whatever i'm trying to build

i lived in a world of envy

yes, there are people worse than me

no love, ugly, disabled.
but hey.. there are also people better than me.
why must i look at other's problems to make myself feel happier?

at the end of the day
i'm just a pathetic loser
with nothing that others can look up to
with nothing that i can be proud of
with no talents that i can show off to

i have nothing..
nothing..

absolutely nothing except the delusion that i'm loved.

and actually.. i think i'm there because i seems to have the time for you..

Realised this year..
a clique is missing in my bday...

maybe these show something.

well, there will never be such things as an eye for an eye... but i guess maybe we are drifting apart. no one is at fault i guess.
(another group also forgot about it, but then i'm not taking it as bad. maybe it's because one matters more to me than the other)

the other group, which comes together under a committee, wishes everyone happy birthday except mine. haha, what's more to say man?

anyway, november is definitely not a month for me.. but hey.. i make good use of it ok?
work wise, i try my best to contribute, help others whenever i can and yes, there's somethings more important then just professionalism, it's called mission.

friend's wise, it's a good time to catch up with friend, but november was so busy!!!

health wise, there's a bit of health issue, going to settle it soon, will be seeing the dentist next wed for my tooth polishing and scaling.

family wise: granny was admitted to hospital again, the thought of her passing on anything is really scary.. yet seeing her living everyday lying on bed sometimes makes me wished that she can stop suffering.

salary wise: the yr end bonus is coming, and i really hate those "hey, your bonus is here, treat!!!" comments, idiotic people!

holiday wise: yes, planning, but hated going alone, why can't i be someone's travel buddy? why can't i find one?
why am i condemned cos of my job?

Birthday..

this year, i sorta intended to keep it low..

so that there's no expectations.

Facebook have become a cheap way to wish others happy birthday.. that the sincerity, somehow is lost...

anyway, had met up my secondary friends and had wonderful get togethers..

and my primary school friends remembered!!! yea!!

the blast came from the colleagues..
during contact time, when i received my letter of appointment,
my head shouted out that it's also my birthday...
they sang a happy birthday song for me..

that was embarrassing and yet, nice.??

then my colleague prepared a bday cake during lunch time and the department got together and we shared the cake.

i'm just thankful for some of the people ard who always makes things so much better and pleasant to work with.

of course there's wishes that stacked over the years and were never fulfilled.. but well..
i still wished for it and will work hard towards it.

well, getting praised by head as committed, someone who is able to see the big pic(????!!) seems like quite a good thing..

but i guess she is not seeing me correctly..

i'm not committed, it maybe just because i'm single and have no family, that's why i can put more time in work.
it's because i care more about something and care less about others makes you think i'm able to commit.

anyway, all i want to say is...
i still feel very very threatened by today's meeting and it's not a good sign.. yes, there's job security inevitably, but there's no sense of psychological security when there's threatening every week.

Monday was the last day of my tuition, sending off another batch of students.

come to think about it, even since i started giving tuition when i was in JC, it's been almost 12 years
this 12 years, i paused for army but started my tuition again in the 2nd yr of my army days.

i have tutored around 13 kids so far and many of them i presume are now fine young boys and girls, some maybe are already working.

this 2 sec 4 boys that i've tutored, does leave positive memories and i sure hope that they can be a better man in the future.

what will the next step be?
well i'm taking a break for now, but i've just gotten one more tuition assignment and the child is actually just nearby.. GOSH, hopefully i will not see someone from my workplace there.

but anyway, i've informed the parents that i needed a break and will only start next Jan.. they agreed. this time ard, it's a girl.

i've taught
Girls
1) P4 cousin Chloe 2001?
2) Sec 3-4 Georgina @ bedok 2005-2006
3) Sec 1some brat @ ChinaTown 2005
4) Sec 3-4Michelle @ Jurong West 2005-2006
5) Sec 4 Wan Ling @ Pasir Ris 2006
6) Sec 3 Velaria @ Serangoon Central 2005

boys:
1) P1 Cousin Desmond 2002
2) Sec 2 Joshua @ Serangoon central 2005
3) Sec 1- 5Alex @ CCK 2006-2011
4) Sec 4 Aloysius @ CCK 2009
5) Sec 3-4 Augustine @ Jurong East 2011-2012
6) Sec 4 Mark @ Lakeside 2012
7) Sec 3 some Brat @ Serangoon garden 2005

I wonder if i forgot any other tuition kid or not.

was really trying to post something nice.. but guess i just lost it after meeting my first love..

life have been hectic.. i made it.. so that i have no time, too tired to think about other things.

she sms-ed me on sat morning, she said she saw me on a bus..
but after clarification, it was a wrong person.

but then we chatted a bit.. we met up today..

well, seem like after me she was almost never single, one after another...
and is happily attached to the current one..

i'm happy for her.
before the meet up, i told myself.. do i still feel for her?
maybe i do, since she leaves a big footprint in my love life.
but at the meet up, seeing her being so happily attached, looking as great as before..
I decided to keep my position as a friend.
but deep inside, i envy her..
envy the fact that she's rarely need to suffer through singlehood.
envy that her love life is through one of a most romantic encounter.

what about me?
i have friends,
close friends, a few cliques to meet up every month.
i have work,
fulfilling and wonderful job.
i exercise,
seeing effects on my body.

but i am not happy...
i dunno.. i am just not happy.

just, i'm thankful for everything.
i enjoy the company of friends,
i like my work,
i starting to lead a healthier lifestyle..

but i am just not happy..

i thought i can find things to enjoy in singlehood.
my friends are envying me.
have time for so many things, tuition, extra lessons for kids, coffee time, walk ard in Chinatown, City hall, backpacking overseas..

but i was never happy.

"how are you bro?"
"i'm ok"

no i'm not.. bro... and i know you wanted to help, but this kinda things... maybe there is no remedy to it.

okie, been really busy these few weeks, but i guess it's good, feeling that life is so much fuller and i am rarely emo-ing at night. too tired to do so.

so my weekdays is either gym or tuition, else dinner with colleagues.

my weekends are tuitions, visiting granny and gym, and work.. and sometimes friends.

trying to accustom to the new life style, though.


anyway, guess workload is getting ridiculously heavier and i'm arrowed for courses, seminars, presenting to colleagues and my BOSS from HQ...
damn, i thought that iPad thingy is meant to be a 1-off event, how come it haunt me for 1 whole year.

just sorta dig my own grave for giving up all my afternoon timing to mark just to meet up with my kids for extra session of practise..
yea, crazy, but i seriously want them to do well...

okie, work aside,
yesterday i had really some super shiok drinking session!!!! haha, it's 22 for free flow of mix!
the taste is ok! but well, after 8 glasses, i think it's totally worth the money, thankfully i'm still sane enough to take a cab home, shared it with another Caucasian passerby who couldn't get his cab..

but for watever reason, i think i should not ponder too much on where i will be, if i'm going to be alone, if i'm going to work till i die..
i should just leave my day to the fullest...
(and maybe i day i will look back and regret? wake up and realised i'm all alone?? i dunno...)

damn it...

feel so lousy..
why did that F word even come out.. guess that's the effect of starting to use it in life..

no way.. i must stop using that word

sometimes those friendship that you tried so hard to commit, offers to organize, never make it through

but those that you did not put in much efforts, often ends up in some really strong friendship.


just learn that i should not share my dreams with friends, realised that they will sometimes, Wow, or say they wanna share it with me. but in actual facts, no one can understand my dream and hence the sharing part of bullshit.

years of experiences shows,
1) both my ex-es broke up with me before we went to taiwan, where we swore to go together.
2) most friends always have other more important friends, i'm just like their spared.

原來，想念真的是會呼吸的痛。
 在东京铁塔第一次眺望 
看灯火模仿坠落的星光 
我终於到达但却更悲伤 
一个人完成我们的梦想 


你总说时间还很多 你可以等我 
以前我不懂得 未必明天就有以后 


想念是会呼吸的痛 它活在我身上所有角落 
哼你爱的歌会痛 看你的信会痛连沉默也痛 
遗憾是会呼吸的痛 它流在血液中来回滚动 
后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛 
想见不能见最痛 


没看你脸上张扬过哀伤 
那是种多么寂寞的倔强 
你拆了城墙让我去流浪 
在原地等我把自己捆绑 


你没说你也会软弱 需要依赖我 
我就装不晓得 自由移动自我地过 


 我发誓不再说谎了 
多爱你就会抱你多紧的 
我的微笑都假了 灵魂像飘浮着
你在就好了 我发誓不让你等候 
陪你做想做的无论什么 
我越来越像贝壳 
怕心被人触碰
你回来那就好了 能重来那就好了 


 我的mp3又播放着這首歌。
一首讓我無比感同身受的歌曲。 
當初，我去台灣，不就是想要實現我們的約定？ 
結果，我和朋友去了，你也和你的愛人去了。

以前我壓力大，我說請等我，給我一個月的時間。
結果，我們分手了。 

我還保留這你當初介紹我的歌，和一些我們互傳的簡訊。
有時雖然以為忘記了，那幾首歌就會不經意地出現，提醒著我們曾經愛過。

我後悔當初不夠貼心，不夠了解了，以為你是那麼的堅強，那麼的可以依賴。 原來你也試著向我展現出軟弱的一面，可是我卻沒注意到你的需要。

有時想到沒有了你，我的微笑真的好假，人也沒有了靈魂。
現在我也不敢談戀愛，不想也不敢再把心交出去了。
 能重來，那就好了。

First day of Term 3, a little bit lost, don't know what to do.. tmw will be full speed ahead. shall see. anyway, about the big decision, first step is done. now waiting for next step. shall see how.

super duber emo-ing. well, anything regards to army is bad news. anyway,i've decided on the previously decision that i mention. will be doing so hopefully by end of this month, in fact, maybe on Wednesday. I will be strong and hope that this will not change me in anyway that damages my life. dun ask me what it is.

SS: i dream of you yesterday. as i exited the lift on the ground floor of my flats, i saw you. you noticed me and was a bit shy as usual, not knowing what to do. my mind is working in turbo mode trying to figure out the feelings and what reactions i should have towards you. the conclusion: be casual. so i slowly walks towards you. i smiled. I did a subtle wave. you replied with a smile on your face. so i casually asked, " what are you doing here?" the reply, "oh, one of my friend's mum just past away." in my heart, i still think you look as cute as ever. the dream stopped. i woke up.

back from Bintan, interesting experience, really nua-ed and gym , swim.. everything i wanna do everyday is there. how i hope everyday can be like that. go gym, then swim then rest and eat ZZzzzzz and sleep At least so far, i have been trying to keep to my goal of one exercise per day. tmw i shall run. and also, planning for my RT session.. i have 8 more session to complete before august. everything was fine until march, when workload was intense. super angry with my poor discipline and ability to adapt to changes. was 105 at the start of the year, trained for 3 months. I was 103kg when i go for my first session in March. suppose to lose to 100kg. but the rest of the 3 months i gain back to 105kg. now i need to lose 5 kg in 2 months. going to be damn discipline!!! I hope this can be done. starting by reducing intake when going out with friends and more exercise, gaining more muscle

Sarah McLachlan (HQ) - Angel

no tears, but his look just keep on coming back..

i still have his p1 photo... now he's p5 le. fate have brought him back to me, to let me teach him again.

u thought that those crying scene in TV is amazing,
wait until u see a mother cry until she have no more tears, and a father who keep asking the child to wake up to see his teachers.

i dun dare to tell any of my family members.
i dunno how to face my class tmw.

all i know is, i must be strong, then i will not affect the class...

令人错愕的消息。我从没想过我要面临这一幕。

昨天同事打电话过来。我还以为我被投诉了。家长不满还报警。

直到半小时后，我才赶到学校。
等待的时间比想象的久，消息来得比什么都突然，晴天霹雳。

孩子，
我曾经幻想过，这几年你会成长到什么程度。
你会长高吗？脸会变尖吗？你会变声，声音不再那么扁？
你会参加什么运动？会去哪所中学？
虽然我与你的人生只是浅浅地共同度过一年。
但是我的孩子啊，我对你的未来充满无数的憧憬。

我知道你们始终会长大，往更幸福美好的未来前进。
而我这，将会是你们美好回忆的一小部分，让你在前进的道路上遇到荆刺时，有个可以回头向往的美好；让你打退堂鼓时，有个勇敢迎前的决心。

难道我这些鼓励，你都没听到吗？


孩子，现在你不在了。
可是我还是会想起课室里，你用的那张桌椅，你的声音，你的笑容，你的字体，你的鬼脸，你那堵嘴的样子，你那糊涂的动作，你那被抓包的神情，你那发呆的模样。

孩子，人活着才有意义，才能机会去克服困难，享受成功的果实。人离开了，什么机会也没有了，虽说没有困难，可却也没有成功。

孩子,你留下了我们这些大人，这些爱你爱到恨不得代替你；这些都后悔没好好开导你的大人；这些闭上眼时，都想你流泪的大人！

孩子，我愿你在另一方找到幸福。我愿你看到这些为你哭泣的人后，才知道原来我们是多么爱你。

孩子，你走了，来不及目睹我们对你的爱，来不及感受我们对你的不舍，来不及看这世界可以给你的辽阔，来不及了解生命的重要。孩子，你舍得吗？

这些已经没有意义了。

孩子，走好。我用这些文字，和我的眼泪为你送别，祝福你，愿你在另一个世界，不用受苦，享受幸福。


黄老师

一个人，好像不是那么难过。

the purpose of posting here instead of facebook is just that i do not wanna be attention seeking and do not want people to think of me pretending to be pitiful.

seriously.. i do need people to hug and tell me it's alright..
but today i look at my granny.. i just cannot control the emotion rush.

i went out and cried a bit, posted an irresponsible post which i realised, should not be done. hence i deleted it..

but seriously, as time goes by.. i realised all those friends whom i tried my best to spend time with them.. is not really around anymore.maybe that's the ultimate part of life..
i wonder on the day that my parents are not feeling well, hospitalize.. how many will actually appear...

an old post, but dunno why it didn't get publish.. so i shall publish it now.


我把你的电话从手机里消除了
我把你的消息从话题里减少了
我把你的味道用香水喷掉了
我把你的照片用全家福挡住了

你让我的懂事变成一种幼稚
你让我的骄傲觉得很无知
你让我的朋友关心我的生活
你让我的软弱陪伴你的自由

离开我　你会不会好一点
离开你　什么事都难一点
车来了　坐上你的明天
车走了　我还站在路边

离开我　你会不会好一点
离开你　什么事都难一点
风来了　云就　会少一点
你走了　我住在雨里面
MUSIC
你让我的懂事变成一种幼稚
你让我的骄傲觉得很无知
你让我的朋友关心我的生活
你让我的软弱陪伴你的自由
离开我　你会不会好一点
离开你　什么事都难一点
车来了　坐上你的明天
车走了　我还站在路边
离开我　你会不会好一点
离开你　什么事都难一点
风来了　云就　会少一点
你走了　我住在雨里面
离开我　你会不会好一点
离开你　什么事都难一点
车来了　坐上你的明天
车走了　我还站在路边
离开我　你会不会好一点
离开你　什么事都难一点
风来了　云就　会少一点
你走了　我住在雨里面

it's exactly a week since granny is admitted to ttsh.

went down everyday and was hoping for miracle.

was a bit sad when auntie when to buy some jewellery for granny...
not for the purpose of bringing luck or what, but just in case.. the deceased will wear something nice..

anyway, been pushing away meet ups this week.. felt really bad and sianz as some meet ups are hard to come by.. say once every few month.. haiz..

but well, i do not want to leave any regrets.. so this period, i shall be guai guai in doing what a grandson is suppose to do..

went down to ttsh for the whole week..

not much of improvement though.

the thing with stroke is that a blood dilation medication can be given to reduce the risk of blood cloths.

however, a thinner blood also means that when there's bleeding, it's harder to heal..

during th 2nd stroke, my grams had an internal bleeding in the brain, if the medication for stroke is given, it will cause more bleeding, building up pressure in the brain, possibly causing impact on other nervous system.

so now, no medication is given for the stroke.
how? wait for CAT scan to check if the bleeding have stopped or worsen, then decide on outcome

went down again today, was a bit happy that granny is moving her arms a bit more and will still squeezing my hands tight when i held hers.

was really concern if she's conscious or not...
i mean if she's conscious, but the eye lid cannot be opened no matter what.. it must be really frustrating..
there's many dearest ard you but you just cannot open your eyes to see..
and when people call out for you.. you cannot open your mouth to greet.
and when you are cold, itchy, thirsty, you cannot express it..

dear granny, i know you most probably feels that way.. so please, be strong and open your eyes yourself.. we are all waiting..

was quite traumatise when my aunt left.. her heart rate suddenly shot more than 160.. which is considered critical.. it's lasted for 10 mins before i call for nurse and doctor.
thought medication is given. Granny heart remain to pound fast for 1 hr..
thankfully now it has dropped back to 100-140

now.. it's the decision time.. if the stroke strikes again, should we pull the plug??

aunties and uncles all refuse to be the bad guy.. so now.. pushing the decision all around...

last night at 2 am, cousin called, grams condition worsen by suffering from a second stroke.

everyone was really stunned and speechless. i was told not to go down as i have work yesterday, but still i didn't have much sleep. Was waiting by the phone the whole night. thanfully grams sorta stable a bit, from critical to life threatening .....

Went to work as usual only to receive a call from my mum that the condition worsen.
rushed down and was almost in tears when passing down instructions for my work.

thankfully when i reached the hospital, it was a false alarm...

but, the granny that was chatting with me the night before, going to toilet herself, eating her own meals are now.. lying there.. eyes closed, struggling to breathe and have a heart beat of 150 per minute..

the doctor says, best outcome is she regains conscious but will be wheelchair bounded for the rest of her time.
or
remains eyes closed, lying on bed until her body cannot take it...


who ever up there, if she's mean to go, let her go peacefully with no pain. if's she's suppose to live, please allow her to recover...

ok, she's fine.. whew..
was a bit happy as i saw my old friend, jian chen over there as well.. quite an interesting meet up.

anyway, went over again this evening.
grams cannot recognize me... even when i told her who i was, what i do.. she still mistook me for another person... someone whom she never meet for years...

if she going to forget me like who ah gong forgets me??

grams just got admitted to TTSH for stroke.. really worried sick..

will be rushing over to take a look.. hope she's fine...
and maybe, not lost all hopes of life like my granddad...

praying hard...

disappointed..

with myself, keep telling myself to change my lifestyle..
and i did?

but why do i still feel a black hole inside, consuming whatever positive feeling i try to savage?

one may say, find a relationship!

well, i did try to search, and i did try to accept.. but i just cannot do it.

i needed someone in my life to accompany me, but i dunno how to change my lifestyle for that someone?
guess i just die alone, maybe with my dog

well, not overwhelmed with work, just amazed with the things that i accomplished.

however, somehow i felt that my life is no longer linked with anyone anymore.

i'm no longer the as and when asked to go out clique in others.

all activities have to be pre-planned ahead.

think i just locked the gate to a clique.. as they are bombarding my whatsapp with some games stuff.

no more news from them. not even from the little clique of 4+3. i suddenly seems non-existence anymore, except from the posts i saw on facebook.

i dun like to be alone, but yes, i have 200 plus people in my contact but i only keep in touch with like 20 of them.

it's not that i like to be go out alone, but i have no choice.
it's not that i like to travel alone, but i have no choice.
it's not that i like to watch movie alone, but i have no one...


just cannot vent that deep compressed feeling in my heart out through all the things i do.

and alcohol is not really doing as well as i thought.
i guess this is my pms ba

我们都被欲望牵着走。

这是对的吗？
我不渴望能战胜欲望，但至少不要被欲望控制。

我只求做自己，不要那一天回想起过去，带着遗憾，悔恨地怀念。

我曾经放弃过一段可能会是最完美的爱情。
到现在我还后悔着。
这或许是我人生中最大的遗憾之一。

人一生的遗憾，多一个太多。
不求有功，只求无过。
我不能因为自己懒散，或迟疑而错过任何机会。

现在不管怎样，把握好时机
然后，把握最真诚的一面表现出来。
最后，等待我喜欢的人，爱上我。

somehow things turns nasty at work.

when 2 of my closer friends are now against each others...

i dunno why but i have the feeling that i might be used against her.

seriously, now that work is piling up(as if it was ever cleared)
i do not have time for this mind games...

please stop doing your tricks on me, so that i can concentrate on my work and my friends.


anyway, this close female colleague of mine have been ignoring me ever since i told her that i'm going to forfeit her 200 bucks for Bali trip when she decided to back out.
i mean she was the organiser, and also the one who initiated the trip. so when she decided to back out, i told her that it's unfair for us to pay more than what we are required to.

well, it's not that i'm not on her side, but i think that we have all changed and i think it's only reasonable not the let those who are going to pay extras just because one of us cannot make it.

and if she's really that petty, there's no need for me to befriend her anymore.. i can always return her the 200 bucks, it's not as if i cannot pay up the money.. but it's the friendship she decides to break that makes me feel really sianz...

checked my inbox and to my horror.. i have many things to do.. Zzzz

all work related.

the first thing is this workshop where i'm in charge of the slideshow(and creating the 60+ slides)
then the creating and setting of work for colleagues, which is super super shitty...

now i'm involve in the anniversary celebrations which consist of a year long list of 7 events...

and then i have this online IT stuff to set up which is not finalized and done at all..

arh~~~

back from bangkok.

get to travel with a friend finally, after some solo travelling to taiwan last year.
how to say, guess travelling should always be done with someone you are very familiar with, not someone you know for 3 months.

i mean the company is ok, but sometimes, i just cannot stand the things he said or do.
of course, it's harmless, but it's just irritating.

or is it because i am so used to travel alone??

anyway, BKK is quite a nice place and maybe i shall travel there again.. but this time, either alone or with someone i'm closer with

super sick these few days, with fever, running nose and bad cough..

anyway, realised that when i'm down, i'm not as patience as usual...

shouted at the top of my voice again today..

must learn.. there's better way to control and i must stay calm
especially now that i'm teaching the P1.

Jia you and hope i recover soon!

end of week2.. super busy and work not done .. haha

well will guai guai stay after school tmw to complete as much as possible.

this week was packed but somehow.. i felt happy

met my uni frds on tuesday for a dinner, despite the rush and tiredness, i'm glad that all of us made an effort to meet up.

on thursday, i went for my swim.. surprisingly, i swam for 20 laps with almost no rest.. proud of myself!

went to meet colleague for a glass at Harry's and the gathering was simple chats, love it!

friday went out by myself. had a nice relaxing coffee @Shots with a chocolate lava cake! yum~~

went CL on sat, finally eaten Itacho @Ion after a long long month of not having jap food! service was poor, but the good food make up for it. should go to PS branch next time.

saw Ong at 313 after our coffee session. had a short chats.

seriously, though many may find 2 guys going out like very boring, i enjoy the company, haha.


saw my ex blog just now, hmm she is missing someone. doubt it's me, sorta sianz. but i'm happy for her:)

hey dude! must jia you to find someone too!!! i shall join more social gathering and be less introvert!

first day of work have been busy. first week is madness, so is second week of work..


however, i do find something a little bit different..
how to say.. i think despite the rare emo moments, most of the time i'm in peace...

but does it mean i'm used to life being single??

the life that without 'love' is ok, and eventually i'm ok to live alone and cannot accept someone to step into my life..

even now, i'm already thinking that if i ever get married, i would want my own bed.. arhh
that's quite pathetic:)

but at least, i'm not emotional anymore.. just worries i'm becoming emotionless...hmm

a new year,

1 year older...

seriously, there's only a few new year resolution...

but first.. i cannot find my earphone~~~~
sianz, dun tell me i lost it in the new year's KTV session with Tess and others...

what a way to start a year..ZZzzzz

anyway, the main target this year is to save up..
yes... i have not been saving dutifully and yup, my dad is still asking me for money....

anyway, target for this year is to save $10,000 at least ( didn't hit last year's target though)

will try real hard.. sometimes i wonder where did the $$ goes to....
i dun spend much actually... except on ocassion gadgets and holidays trips lol...
well.. if things goes as planned, this june will be month of surgery and hence.. minimum(or maybe more) money should be spent.