hey i'm back!

i've seen so many people, and i can say that everyone is different.

you are your own yardstick, wherever you want to take yourself.

i brought my beloved poetry books (my first two book purchases! so exciting!) to the trip with me. haha. they got me quite stressed out because of the contents and the poetry. but well. i think a quote to wrap up the year and usher in the new year is nice, right? so here's one. actually i've got alot but i keep forgetting them so i'm going to find one now. here it is.

Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,

The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red

Eye, the cauldron of morning.

-From "Ariel" by Sylvia Plath
you know what. i don't really like it. i'll find another one if i remember, later. but please, do enjoy this one. it's cool.

AND HERE IS DUG!!! omg i love him. so cute.



don't you feel alone?
i do.
just hang on for another year.

Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce - Telephone



[Lady Gaga]
Hello, hello, baby
You called, I cant hear a thing.
I have got no service
in the club, you see, see
Wha-Wha-What did you say, huh?
youre breaking up on me
Sorry, I cannot hear you,
Im kinda busy.

K-kinda busy
K-kinda busy
Sorry, I cannot hear you, Im kinda busy.

Just a second,
its my favorite song theyre gonna play
And I cannot text you with
a drink in my hand, eh?
You shoulda made some plans with me,
you knew that I was free.
And now you wont stop calling me;
Im kinda busy.

Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna think anymore!
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop telephonin me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Im busy!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop telephonin me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

Can call all you want,
but theres no one home,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!
Cuz Im out in the club,
and Im sippin that bubb,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!

Call when you want,
but theres no one home,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!
Out in the club,
and Im sippin that bubb,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!

[Beyonce]
Boy, the way you blowin up my phone
wont make me leave no faster.
Put my coat on faster,
leave my girls no faster.
I shoulda left my phone at home,
cuz this is a disaster!
Callin like a collector -
sorry, I cannot answer!

Not that I dont like you,
Im just at a party.
And I am sick and tired
of my phone r-ringing.
Sometimes I feel like
I live in Grand Central Station.
Tonight Im not takin no calls,
cause Ill be dancin.

Cause Ill be dancin
Cause Ill be dancin
Tonight Im not takin no calls, cause Ill be dancin!

Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna think anymore!
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna talk anymore!
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor.

Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna think anymore!
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin, stop callin,
I dont wanna talk anymore!
I got my head and my heart on the dance floor.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop telephonin me
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Im busy!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Stop telephonin me!
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

Can call all you want,
but theres no one home,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!
Cuz Im out in the club,
and Im sippin that bubb,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone!

Call when you want,
but theres no one home,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!
Cuz Im out in the club,
and Im sippin that bubb,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!

My telephone!
M-m-my telephone!
Cuz Im out in the club,
and Im sippin that bubb,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!

My telephone!
M-m-my telephone!
Cuz Im out in the club,
and Im sippin that bubb,
and youre not gonna reach my telephone!

Were sorry the number you have reached is not in service at this time.
Please check the number, or try your call again.

yes, i'm leaving for egypt tmr. get it? the song? okay.

bye bye.

life should be
simple.

fuck yeah, baby.

The Dead Weather - I Cut Like A Buffalo



this is what i'm talking about.

it's a question of normalcy.

what's normal in other countries isn't normal here.
what's normal here isn't normal in other countries.

that's why our laws are different, too.
that's why people move.

Owl City - Fireflies



Lady Gaga - Beautiful Dirty Rich



would just like to share a poem with you guys.

A man said to the universe:
"Sir I exist!"
"However," replied the universe,
"The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation."

Stephen Crane, "A man said to the universe:"

you know, i've been conditioned to hear the changes of the production of a song beneath the surface.
give me a bit of time, and i'll be able to tell you what exactly changed.

this song is different from my ipod's version.

slower tempo, more bass accompaniment, backing vocals upped, lead vocals volume lowered and more blending in with the backing, with possible re-recording for the video, less bass drum, synth "bells" increased.

btw, my personal opinion is that La Roux is the new-age electronica for popular music.

La Roux - I'm Not Your Toy

they leave so young.

R.I.P. Christoper Miles.

now my life seems uncertain.

"let's just start this life, shall we?"

"fuck the future, dude."


you know what.

the thing is, they've got their own culture.

and it's so immersive, i feel like swimming in it.

we don't. am i jealous, or what?

we can't just create our own culture. we can't.

and it's no use trying to justify what we lack.

i just wanna be there so bad, but i know it won't be the same.

and i won't be happy.

oh, the liberation and fear to be freed from play counts.

this is probably what the soul of communism probably feels like. freed from freedom.

well. that was off on a tangent.

i was discussing with my mom, arguing, rather, that the depression in female poets is actually a "productive" thing. i still think it is. it's so strongly channelled that when they put it down on paper you actually still feel it after so many years because of the intensity and the extent of perfection that it reached at the moment of writing/finalising.

that said, it's incredibly tough to read poetry. first book: American poetry after the civil war. NOT a good idea. but hey, there are a couple of good things i've seen in there. Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath. very overused, but there's a good reason to that.

my fucking com suddenly froze for a few seconds there. i think i better fucking publishi this before this fucking piece of junk screws my writing up.

just like a poet's life.

Somethin' - filled up - my heart - with nothin' - someone - told me
not to cry. - but now that - i'm older - my heart's - colder - and i
can - see that it's a lie.
children - wake up - hold your - mistake up - before they - turn the
summer into dust. - if the children - don't grow up - our bodies get
bigger but our - hearts get torn up - we're just - a million little
gods causing rain storms - turning every good thing to rust. - i guess
we'll just have to adjust.
with my lighning bolts a-glowin' i can see where i am going to be when
the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.
with my lighning bolts a-glowin' i can see where i am goin'.
better look out below!

Arcade Fire - Wake Up

after nearly 2 years. the beauty of the song.

IT'S PARTY UP IN THE U.S.A!!!! LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

my god. she's seriously something. i don't know what to think of her.

okay. something melding Ashley Tisdale and Lady Gaga.

god, she even looks like both of them combined!

Ke$ha - Tik Tok



i believe music has something to do with the society it's from. right now, notice that electronic "party" music influenced slightly by house is considered good material for pop. Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, all more hardcore before these recent years. now that Obama has gone into office, Hiphop, which is commonly associated with the Blacks, has taken the backseat, although its influences are still felt. i believe it has something to do with the current economic situation, where people are looking for an outlet or a way to suspend their lives in whatever way they can. and yes, i think that it's been channeled through youth to influence the state of popular music now.

I have a crush on skins. i feel like watching it, but teen dramas are very time consuming. especially with big bang theory and gossip girl breathing down my neck. oh but the big plus is that it's filled with really really really good looking people.

a video that long deserved its post.

Lady Gaga - Paparazzi (LIVE @ VMAS)

i feel my life getting sucked out by the office. really.

just being there makes my head go all artificial and bloated. it's a very strange feeling. but yeah.

i guess that's what turns us into adults who go around in their free time and do things which aren't really rest things.
help me.

i feel like i'm scared of a desk job. so stifling and well-lit. help.

well. my life is taking an intentioned break but i forgot to tell people that i am taking a break and that's why it's screwing up and the offices feel terrible.

i want to feel like what i felt before. when i'm resting (quite constantly), the throwaway of loads of responsibility and running free in my mind like the youth that i am. right now i just feel like i'm full of cold misty air that's cloudy and no use to anyone in the real world. i am real, though. it's just a feeling.

When life had locked me out I turned to you
So open the door
'Cause you're all I need right now, it's true
Nothin' works like you

still tired.

shan's gotten back to me on SC primary! thank you, shan!

it's put some movement into the inert list.
been checking up on it often.

like an email.

looked at this video once.

this is the second time, sounds better and better in an effortless way. shows that music doesn't have to be immediately appealing. which is what i've been constantly saying. go Justin!

Justin Bieber - One Less Lonely Girl

i'm so tired.

so so tired.

and it's only a wednesday tomorrow. thank god the week ends on a friday this week.

well, update, watching the mentalist on channel 5 now. wouldn't if not for my mother. this guy works for the police observing body language and mental effects manifesting physically. like a human lie detector etc. right now this cop got hypnotised and he's trying to undo it by finding the trigger.

okay.

well, job attachment tmr. okay. okay.

tired. dance.

Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
Want your bad romance

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance



took time to search a really high quality video =)

haven't posted in such a long time.

this week isn't as killer as i've thought, but it might get more strenuous. probably will with the overnight sleeping and the late night at vivo on friday. hmm. practices are going fine, just had an addition today. suggested blocking and we ended up adding parts. =)

big bang theory rocks.

well. don't know when i'm posting again. maybe soon, maybe not. so unpredictable. no more late nights, stupid school in the morning.

Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway



The Script - Before The Worst



The Script - Breakeven



ohmygod i can't find an embed-friendly Mad video by Ne-Yo? sigh.

bossa nova music is what it's about.

no fast beats, nothing of the sort. just pure musical SKILL.

really. it's incredible. the technicality of the harmonies, the complexity of the melody and the beat changes.


Astrud Gilberto - dammi un'idea [Summer Samba (So Nice)]



if you're familiar with it, you can actually hear a melody of "The Girl From Ipanema" before the song starts. brilliant. note her sexiness.

absolutely hate the Elevator Love Letter music video by Stars.

omg. but the song is definitely great. one option to use next year for DAYM plus female vocalist.

'Cause you're gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby, you're gonna revel in hating what's going on
And you're like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come, no harm will come if you just skip along.

i long to meet the day when i can say

"I should explain: I'm a professional comedian, you won't win!"

DUDES.

THIS IS SO GOOD.

SHORT AND SWEET.
BEAUTIFUL VIDEO, LEAVE ME COMMENTS AND YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT! =)

http://piv.pivpiv.dk/

i used to live for the day.

now i notice and realise i live for the week.

=) / =(

my recent musical pursuit is choosing nice duet songs for DAYM next year. omg i'm their manager or something. haha. a female voice would be nice. kelly? also, would like more orchestration. doesn't even have to be that ORCHESTRAL, just you know, added drums or strings. it's just so difficult to get people to participate and have that passion. it's true. passion is difficult to find.

yep yep yep.

nervous about friday.

on a side note, hope everything went well for the chinese people! omg i didn't even realise lah until like this morning or last night.

hey people.

i have painstakingly scouted out Dexter Season 1 Episode 1 for you guys.

interested parties, enjoy! personally, i prefer tudou, faster.
sorry for not embedding, i tried and it didn't work.

Dexter S01E01
(Tudou)(Part 1)

http://www.yagoogle.tv/tv/dexter-season-1/dexter-1x1-dexter.html

(Tudou)(Part 2)

http://www.yagoogle.tv/tv/dexter-season-1/dexter-1x1-dexter.html/2

Youku

http://www.sidereel.com/Dexter/_watchlinkviewer/15208

yeah. that's you, adeeb.

my keyboard needs oiling, or whatever you do to make the keys more clicky and interesting to work with.

we are all afraid of change.

i guess with a certain reasonable extent that it comes from out doubt and fear of uncertainty.

we choose and undergo this every time, even in our smallest decisions.

i'll give an example. let's say you're dropping from KI to GP. which i am. then everyone around you will be like "huh?? really?? WHY?" the WHY, i'm referring to the "Why would you make such a risky decision?" instead of "What made you do it?"

anyhow. i guess this entry stems from personal reflection.

then again, how many of my posts don't, right?

on a lighter note (and happier as well), Carl's Jr. is OPEN at parkway! no more craving to go down to the beach for my fix, now it's just a couple of bus stops straight from school =) i heart VJ.

anyway, about hearting VJ, i'm applying to become an OGL. ooh. interesting. what i've always wanted to do come the first day of school life with the JCs in 2007. well, here it is. i'm confident.

Bjork - Hunter
if travel is searching
and home has been found

i'm not stopping

i'm going hunting
i'm the hunter
i'll bring back the goods
but i don't know when

hey guys!

been at home in front of the com from 9 till now (about 7). ten hours without a break. feels goood doing something so bad for a change.

this week's schedule is quite nice, if i do say so myself. instead of living by someone else's imposed schedule, i've got my own, for once in a long time. i love it.

yes, still watching dexter.

tell me that i'll be fine and everything's still okay.

tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow

i don't want to keep living like this for the holidays.

then there's nothing to look forward too.

i've always wondered why people tend to get lost in what they're doing and fail to see the big picture. now i know why. the big pictures are made up of medium-sized pictures which are made out of small bits of pictures and the hurdle's when you can't see past the medium-sized pictures because the biggest you can see are the medium-sized ones, which look big to you but are actually very small amongst the millions of people.

no wonder people commit suicide. it's a blessing, sometimes, that we get so lost in our own bits and pieces. what are we really living for?

haven't blogged in a long time.

have a weird headache from dance. i tell you, i need to master those spins. FAST. so glad i'm not in a real slogging dance school though.

The Great Spy Experiment - The Great Decay


Faithless feat. Dido - One Step Too Far


knowing me, stylised music videos.
no theme, just good songs.

it's a saturday night.

i just came back from kiron's party.

i just stopped freaking out.

i'm using my brother's new computer which is fantastic. but will of course get worse over the ages.

i just finished reading wadee's sms to JIAYOU

i just put pw out of my hands...for now.

HIP HOP HOORAY.

Gossip Girl: Lily is adopting everybody in the cast. next up: Blair or Nate!

maybe even Dorota!

gah.

Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving
You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end
You will have no time for grieving

Chiquitita, you and I cry
But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you
Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, chiquitita


sweet. thank you ABBA.

gets annoying, but interesting nonetheless.
just watch out for 1.33.

Black Eyed Peas feat. Ris Low - Boom Boom BOOMZ



BOOMZ. BOOMZ. BOOMZ. RAD.

not tight enough for you? this one's more professional.



interview version!

i've outspent myself already.

there are three or four more days to this week.

oh man.
saving is hard work.

beautiful. i can't help but feel like crying in feeling when i listen to his songs.

Aqualung - Pressure Suit

Well two spinning spheres,
Two spinning spheres in a bed of stars
Silence is super
Staring into space, I wonder where you are

You're all that I've ever needed
I know that you won't feel it

Drift out into darkness
Lost out on horizon
It's alright
It's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright
It's alright

Violently clear the upper atmosphere
Raging out your heart
Somewhere far beneath
Your pointed tongue and teeth
Is where you really are

Don't want to be forgiven
But drag you down from where you are

Drift out in the darkness
Lost out on horizon
It's alright
It's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your parachute
It's alright
It's alright
I'll be your respirator
I'll be your pressure suit
It's alright, It's alright

I will not let you go

Two spinning spheres, they spin together
I'm gon' spin alone
I don't know how I can do this
I don't know how to get through
It's alright, It's alright
I can't stop loving you

it's saturday morning.
i can't get this out of my head.

Girls' Generation - Gee

it's finally over.

you so so lame.

HAHAHAHAHA

You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it.

-Neil Gaiman

three hours till i leave the house.

three days left.

three exams left too.

the waiting is probably the hardest part.
been spending my morning reading comics. =)

i want to read the fourth book of artemis fowl again.

BOOMZ.



you don't need to call or to work cuz you're the boss!

it's RADDDDDDDDDD. BOOMZ. I LOVE MY PREENS.

hello hello!

i'm blogging because i feel like posting something. you know right, the reason why people feel so unfulfilled after studying and are still worrying about the exam is because of

1. disgressing and stoning when studying. that wastes alot of time but we can't help it because we're all so unconsciously mentally tired. blame puberty.

2. not knowing what the exam IS makes us worried. can't help it. the unknown has always scared humankind since before. that's why we have SKILLS.

3. our context and the mindset that our whole lives depend on this sheet of black and white. well to some extent it does, but the greater need doesn't. this is just singapore, and it is just what it calls itself: an examination of our skills.

yep. those are my two cents. be happy, people.

NO FUCKING WAY.

LILY ALLEN HAS ANNOUNCED THAT SHE DOES NOT INTEND TO CONTINUE PRODUCING NEW MATERIAL.

QUIT THE FUCKING MUSIC INDUSTRY, DAMMIT.

maybe i should go get her latest album.

now people don't have the guts to say it. or they're just too stupid. petrified inside already.

IT'S IN THREE DAYS. YEAH, AND THE THIRD DAY IS GOING TO BE IT. SO TECHNICALLY WE ONLY HAVE TWO.

yeah. fuckers.

Dan, you are making such a mistake. please stop it already, back away slowly and gently or at least in the nicest way possible. gahhh. aiyo.

Serena, i get you're all weepy and soul-searching, but Carter AGAIN?! gosh.

i was gripped by a sudden need to say something just now.

but i forget. haha. oh well.

studying's crappy.

i have a renewed love for my psp. =)

/yes, i'm watching too many videos.

Eminem - Without Me

i don't really have much to say about rap music, but this one's really really good. you want a lesson in rhyme and rhythm? listen to the master - Eminem.
FUCK YOU DEBBIE!!! (he rhymes that!)

i was gripped by a sudden need to say something just now.

but i forget. haha. oh well.

studying's crappy.

i have a renewed love for my psp. =)

i feel really odd, but good. =)

i just recovered from my freak sickness yesterday afternoon. happy end-of-fasting-month day!

i'm listening to Sandcastle Disco by Solange. yeah, Beyonce's little sister has a career in music! she's not too bad herself you know. screw off, haters.

it's a couple of days till the exams, and i still don't feel prepared.

ah well. maybe me blogging at the com and slacking is the pure reason.

um, yeah. feel weird, because of the fever yesterday and then nothing. i think it was self-induced unconsciously. WEIRDDDD. gah nuances are so unnecessary really. except for feelings. and lit expresses your feelings. history, least of all i think. sigh. but Mr Sayers is awesome.

and he's kinda built his whole life over it so yeah, i won't diss it. teachers really make a difference! =) smilesmile.

so yeah. that's me making up nonsense. missed out two things yesterday. sick.

Dirty Projectors - Stillness Is The Move

It's a really bright and delightful morning. In school.

MGMT - Kids
trust me. worth your watch.



dum de de de dum de dum de deeee....
well, at least the song is cool.

THE MOM IN THE VIDEO IS JOANNA NEWSOM! =)

"the most killingest pop star on the planet"
"my boyfriend's a cage fighter."
"what's a cage fighter?"

time for more NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS!

it's wednesday. the holiday is passing so slowly suddenly. and yet so fast when you think about it.

looking forward to tmr's going out with kash and mervyn. we rock. i think i'll go buy some uniqlo stuff there.

which begs the question, does self-awareness or consciousness ever bring catharsis?

i've decided to be forcefully poetic in this post, you see.

it's all in order to get rid of my frustration (catharsis) of being kept.

which leads me to say, i have a gem within my mouth.

and we're doing Top Girls right now. and i dislike Isabella Bird very much. but i don't disagree with her. i'm feeling her unconscious self-induced sickness right now.

i could be out this whole week doing fulfilling and energetic things which are exciting. but suddenly the drive has been sucked out of me, trust me i didn't go down without a fight. and lately, it's just spiralling into this big mess over and over again with me getting frustrated and then losing energy over it and then getting back frustrated about it. it's not gonna help, i know. but i don't have the energy to get out of it!

and it doesn't help that things have happened in this short time. energy can come from emotion. well, emotion happened. already.

lol. not so poetic after all! sigh. i mean, what was i expecting. a spontaneous outpouring of emotion, like one of those famous poets said? lol. hard to believe. construction does not entail closely-followed words, worded carefully with much construction.

a new blogskin is in order.

"Right birds can fly so high
And they can shit on your head,
And they can almost fly into your eye
And make you feel well scared
But when you look at them
And you see that they're beautiful
That's how I feel about you
Yeah that's how I feel about you."

it's a freezing sunday.

i'm beginning to hate my laptop. sure, its layout and everything is great. but i keep it that way. and now it's starting to become spastic and lag like shit over the stupidest things. i mean, this is a bloody MACINTOSH, and i'm running a fucking APPLE program on it, meant to run on not WINDOWS, but FUCKING MACS. and you lag??? come on. screw you.

yeah well, other than that ribbiting over the com, my day's been okay. yesterday was the bestest. Kashish's birthday party...got called up to dance with some girl called Natisha or something like that. and i got second prize, "rightfully". =D and uh. haha. dedicated a song to shish. sang for him. great eh. still can't stop thinking about it.
thanks mervyn for keeping me company the whole night...it was great. and happy birthday kash. thanks for being such a friend. wouldn't have it any other way.

church later. today's been cold and work oriented. very tiring.

can't even think about tomorrow, but there you go. it's performance day.
happy teachers' day everyone, in advance.

i'm so tired.

tired of all the behind-my-back whispering and secrets, but just tired.

well. i'm not as finished with KI as i thought i was. just hoping i get satisfactory marks.

i want money to go to uniqlo and buy all the stuff there. i want a makeover. i want a back massage.

it's a cool and fresh tuesday night.

i've finished with the main ideas of my KI research essay, leaving me to think about the bigger things in life. i can finally snap out of it for once. feel satisfied after deleting thing after thing from my to-do list on my itouch. sigh. beautiful, the feeling.

now to take a more objective view and distance myself in order to create a good essay. i will believe in myself, and i can.

tomorrow's another great day. oh i was listening to this lenka song. it's called "Live Like You're Dying". speaking of listening, i just put into my itunes a new cd: Gavin DeGraw. nice and heaty on this tuesday night. and i listened to a new band called Simian Mobile Disco tonight! they're great. just like, DISCO all the way, very repetitive but it's simply Temporary Pleasure. =)

anyway. about the lenka song.

One of these days you’ll be
under the covers you’ll be
under the table and you’ll realize
all of your days are numbered;
all of them one to one hundred.
All of them millions.
All of them trillions.
So what are you gonna do with them all?

Take every moment; you know that you own them.
It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you.

good things coming soon, it's up to me to make them good.

it's so hard just to get started on work on a nice weekend morning.
there's nothing to push you except your own fear.

XD

looking forward to sunday, meeting with PW peeps and getting started on something, together!

i've been watching lots of funerals happen the past two days. ever watched that Japanese movie "The Departed"?

there are too many things happening in too little a time. i don't wanna feel tired tmr, or any day for that matter.

i'm loving Jack Johnson right now. really.

it's helping me get off the com. right after his song. yeah, we're always better when we're together.

PW, and the Econs test.

dance.

due to popular demand, i shall publish a happy post!

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

wow! awesome! =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

haha. wheeeeeeee.

it's my 500th post. what luck.

well, speaking of happyness, i am quite happy. content. not worrying so much.
here are synonyms of "happy".
blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat, walking on air

i especially like the last one. and maybe "jubilant". which one's your favourite?

HAHA I AM WATCHING AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER. i really like the series.

I HAVE TO GET THIS OFF OF MY CHEST.

gahhhh i hate it hate it hate it. i hate working under peoples' expectations. it's so FUCKED. even though i say it's okay. NO IT'S NOT. when you take away all that falseness you're left with uncertainty and frustration. why can't things just fall into place?

simin's call: lady gaga. =)

JUST DANCE.

honestly, we're all just bloody sadists. really. look deep into yourself and say you aren't. masochistic? definitely. pleasure gone awry.

I guess you better go and get your armour!

haven't published anything in a looonnngg while. i think it's cuz i suddenly have this aversion to my home computers. lol. i don't like the keyboard.

anyway i just saw kim on national television! =) so happy, it was really cool. you pple should've acted wilder.
=) and i also just sent out this interesting sms about what people would want me to be if they could turn back time. i think it's interesting enough to be sent out as a mass sms, kinda like a note in phone form.

i'm on a listening spree. i've tried 3 completely new songs tonight, 1. Adele - Hometown Glory 2. Flo Rida feat. Wynter Gordan - Sugar 3. Paloma Faith - Stone Cold Sober. this one, i listed in order of my most liked to my least liked out of the three.

here are lyrics. thought they were interesting enough. stupid blogger doesn't allow me to colour them to make it more fun for you guys.

Round my hometown, memories are fresh
Round my hometown, ooh, the people I've met
Are the wonders of my world, are the wonders of my world
Are the wonders of this world, are the wonders and now

I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque
I love it to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades
I like it in the city when two worlds collide
You get the people and the government
Everybody taking different sides

Have you ever been afraid of your phone?

OooOoooOoOoOooOooOooOOooOOo...

i don't know how to feel for tomorrow.
mostly peace, but some worry as well.
i don't know what to say for tomorrow.

Astrud Gilberto - The Girl From Ipanema

well, i can't run away from it.

why does the radio edit version almost always sound better than the original? sigh. it's so hard to be a purist.

anyway i need to get this off my chest before my brain forgets.
today has been a piss-y day. been feeling irritated at almost everything, i don't know why. well at least lunch and meeting some friends cheered me up abit =) dance too.

then to top the day off, i asked my parents about alternative career choices.
they misread me and became irritatingly defensive. and then it got me thinking. who's really in charge of my life?
i'm still thinking about it. i mean. i've always been content to live in the environment that was provided for me, but now?
i'm not too sure. i want to experience things for myself. maybe i'm being childish and immature. and i don't know what true hardship is. i don't know, and if i continue like this i'm certain i never will know.

you know, i just hope that someone ENCOURAGING will come along.
it's not for me to decide.
but please, please come soon.

fuck blogger.

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart

-

No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
No one’s laughing at God
We’re all laughing with God

-

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

i thought of posting lyrics, but then i figured the song sounds like shit if you just read it.
so i won't.

it's from one of the artists that i never thought i'd like in my lifetime after hearing a couple of songs from him - Damien Rice. this guy has no image, no standout style of his own. but why do you need to shout when you can whisper? (or moan, in his case).

it's called 9 crimes. i'm so excited to share it with you. it's like stars after one of the members died.

Today I am going to kill something. Anything.

I have had enough of being ignored and today

I am going to play God. It is an ordinary day,

a sort of grey with boredom stirring in the streets

I squash a fly against the window with my thumb.

We did that at school. Shakespeare. It was in

another language and now the fly is in another language.

I breathe out talent on the glass to write my name.


I am a genius. I could be anything at all, with half

the chance. But today I am going to change the world.

Something's world. The cat avoids me. The cat

knows I am a genius, and has hidden itself.

I pour the goldfish down the bog. I pull the chain.

I see that it is good. The budgie is panicking.


Once a fortnight, I walk the two miles into town

For signing on. They don't appreciate my autograph.

There is nothing left to kill. I dial the radio

and tell the man he's talking to a superstar.

He cuts me off. I get our bread-knife and go out.

The pavements glitter suddenly. I touch your arm.

women, never become paranoid.
trust your husbands.
don't read too much into things.

trust them. that's all i can say. it's frustrating. don't think too much into things. please.

A Prayer

i.
i have this fear.
that i don't really know anything, even the things i know.
and that i wanna see the world before it's too late, because i feel the urge that i don't have enough TIME.
and everything i'm doing besides studying is a complete waste of time, which is ticking away furiously and without care even as people die from it.
i.
i want.
i want to see the world.
i want the world to give me some enlightened sense of purpose.
to know what i truly want in life.
to determine if i'm sheltered or not, and how to break out of the boundary.
to experience the joy and the comfort and the confidence that others have within themselves, to personally experience it without watching any shitty inspirational videos which are pre-recorded.
it must be spontaneous. and then it must come from me, myself.

i want to see the world.
i want to feel something which i have never felt before.
i want the courage to face it and to plunge into it with all my might and heart and soul, like a bungee jump.
and i want to love it.

History is such a freaking drag. Like seriously. the content is so dry but when you miss something out you miss quite alot. Like what I'm doing now by writing this blogpost. XP alright. What is it with southeast Asian history? I mean, it should be as interesting and engaging as international history...but it isn't. Sadly. There's this guy sitting a couple of rows in front of me...can't stand his bloody guts. Tamim's from his class. Gah. Poor Lucas.

Dance DSAs later! I'm so excited. Must present myself appropriately...unortunately it's difficult to keep a straight face. My potential juniors! freaking cool. Haven't done economics...hope I can get it done I don't really see how I can. And math...sigh. This is no different, even harder than before the holidays and the exams.

I forsee the need to persevere. I'll need help and motivation...if not I'll burn out too soon.

back to the crunch.
can't say i'm looking forward to school tmr...i'm still so tired out =X after all that running around and talking overnight.

i think i'll go sleep soon.
now there's that fear again.

it's finally over.
i'm so happy inside.
i can't remember when was the last time i felt this light and overjoyed, truly.

=)

now they're not even replying. sigh. sometimes i just have time in the wrong areas. or maybe i'm losing touch.

i'm acting up and building up on my criticism skills tonight and tomorrow morning. not so much the notes. but internalising the skills and concentrating hard in the face of many distractions (e.g. my music). running them through in my mind. runrunrun. rerun.
panic.

These days it comes it comes it comes it comes it comes

so many friends leaving or overseas now. i'm missing them already. damien, pris, ashley, rachna, joy.

and goes. there goes another one.

FUCK YOU.

hello people.

the big big hurdle is over. i think i'll be able to flow easily from now.
=)

i wanted to say something important...oh yes michael jackson! i won't be able to tune in tonight (or rather, tomorrow morning) at 1am but i wish michael all the best that can possibly be, and for him to rest in peace.

right now just quite stony. it's the pre-sleep mode...can't think of anything to say.
the next couple of days are going to be quite intense. work work and work.

tgigtbf.

Watching the sky
Watching a painting coming to life
Shifting and shaping
Staying inside
It all goes all goes by

whatever happens, you'll still be here, alive.
it's enough to be happy. =)

Posting from tuition.
Oh no.

/no point worrying, let it be done with it. no point worrying. if you want, worry during the exam, and then stop after 10 seconds. that's all you get.

a round of applause @ me is due.

i SURVIVED a whole day.
i SURVIVED a whole day at home almost by myself doing work HARD, and it was MATH. =) actually ENJOYED (yes, ENJOYED) the process to some small extent. don't know how. but yeah today was an interesting day. =) i've got some theories that jumped out of my mind but they're so not for here. heh.

okay! so. my blogskin rocks. and today i also found this guy (or girl, whatever) who does really really good pictures. one of my favourite collections (actually, my FAVOURITE) collection from the person is this series depicting the SEVEN DEADLY SINS. very very good artworks.

um...so yeah. i kept myself occupied today hooray! didn't feel bored one bit. alternating between tv, work and the computer. i even did something for PW. hahaha. yeah. this feels good. although i'm quite tired and i feel like having another bath.

FAB fabulous song i found yesterday and downloaded today. can't can't can't stop listening to it! found it on mtv or channel v...can't remember which one. ah yes channel v. the video's spectacular. was mesmerised watching it. here are some lyrics...but they don't channel the song or do it justice! you have to LISTEN to it!

oh yes it's EGO by BEYONCE!

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
I talk like this 'cause I can back it up

at home at 9.25am! when people are legally in school having chinese tests. feels kinda great =)

anyway not many things to say now. today's plan: study from about 1 to 5 at the airport. good one gaille.

here's a toast to my new blogskin! iloveit. DROWN YOU IN WARMTH.

I swear, math goes against the very fiber of my being. I could really feel the counterlogic being ingrained and infecting my reasoning habits with every painful mathematical step I took today.

I'm sorry to all my fantastic math teachers, but you should have chosen a more fulfilling subject to teach/ career to pursue in life.

God bless.

Anyway after a good night's sleep I am looking FORWARD to the dance meeting later :) I feel so at home and I hope the dancers feel the same way. I want to do something, just don't know where to start.

Got the project work entry proof this morning. Serves as a reminder to what's coming up and going to cause me ever more stress. Aiyo. I sound so hedonistic.

it's. under. control. i swear.

on what, i don't know. lol! my friends are my personal blogs. so fun when you think about it.

ARHGHGHGHGGG I HAVE MATHS TUITION TONIGHT. THE FIRST AFTER LIKE 7 MONTHS OF FREEDOM. back to bondage. ahhhh. why, maths? i have a serious love-hate relationship with it. when i'm doing it with a good teacher i love it but ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT I JUST GET MYSELF DAZED AND FRUSTRATED AND DEMORALISED!!!

great lah. thanks so much, school. unnecessary stress. just what i need. i'm so sick of living and breathing under the shadow of the monster next week. what are exams anyway? they're just black and white sheets of paper that somehow terrify the shit out of people. seriously. it's just like art. FUCKING HYPOCRITES.

anyway. helloooooo wheeeeeee. i hate to see myself reduced to a shriveling, yowling pile of emo. so i'm going to be EXPRESSIVE. wait, i always am. hahaha.

and i just discovered i'm not the only one listening to LA ROUX! rock on derrick!

okay. iCarly rocks. go watch it. Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide is funny, but i think it progresses too quickly for me to enjoy or take in. haha. are they trying to grow the next generation of multi-taskers? when i think about it, it just seems like a half-hour of 5-second long skits put together. or maybe 5-second slapstick jokes chained together under a title. not to put the show down or anything, just wondering if the tv has any ulterior motives. GRR.
some colour, yes? -the computer won't let me post pictures.

I'm remarkably tired.
Goodnight people. I'll see most of you in the morning.

Don't know if I'm excited or not in going back to school. It was exhilarating but tiring. Well, just hope it's more of the joy and less of the fatigue.

Speaking of joy, JOY YOUR LEAVE WAS SO SUDDEN! haha I still have things to do with you that I can't recall at this moment. :) really hope you'll miss us but still be happy over there! Europe's an exciting place. Maybe you can grab a couple of friends and go backpacking. :P

i'm sick of this.
SHOES.



and introducing...my crush.



Astrud Gilberto - The Girl From Ipanema

ahhhh i have a huge crush on bossa nova now. my gosh. the texture. it's so beautiful! after researching for awhile, i discover that in jazz or bossa nova the voice is extremely important. i didn't like magdalene peyroux's, that's why i didn't enjoy jazz as much as i should have. =P those brazilian voices are really unique. the flavour is something i've never heard before. the dynamics are so plain...so different from american music. they can imitate, but all the greats are from south america.

respect.

MICHAEL JACKSON DIED.

something just struck me and i'm getting stressed again.

if i don't study, and will probably only get some serious studying done the next week, then i shouldn't expect great results. which means i'm only probably going to get average or below average results. which means i won't be happy.

SHIT.

I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone
Away

I can't get my mind off you.
Where you at, do you mind if i come through?

it's so frustrating and yet so blissful. you know what i'm talking about, don't you.
i don't have the aries courage, it seems.

i'm blogging from the wake. it's really quite nice here. we took up an entire church hall, because my grandad's the founding member of the community or sth. =) the people who had service this weekend had to do it in a smaller room somewhere else in this place. don't know where they could do it though, there seems to be only columbariums and niches around here.

i'm coming to terms with his passing luh. i can now talk to him normally. he doesn't really reply though. i believe he does, but i can't listen.

there have been many many flowers sent over. lemme count. about 14 full-fledged standing-up flower arrangements alr. and probably more to come. i'm happy.

i've given some thought about how my funeral is going to be.
it's gonna have three rooms, my coffin in the centre room. i think my coffin will be pink and white. and on my right will be a party room. and then on my left will be the traditional mourning hangout for the less party-people.
haha it would TOTALLY work, until my brother offered his opinion:
"but when you die, your friends will all be about the same age, how are they going to party?"

sigh. i didn't think of that.
funeral on tuesday afternoon at about 3pm.

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin'
That someday you're gonna see the light

the time was 7.15am on a friday, 19th of June 2009.

my grandfather, Seow Kong Hoe, passed away peacefully. or as peaceful as a coma may get.

rest in peace.

i haven't been out the whole day and yet i'm so tired.

PAW.

hahaha.

ha.
ha.
ha.

I worry that there is something wrong with all our calculations..

It's guilt trip time!

Hooray for ugly marred faces!

i haven't pursued the matter since then.

no point really, until it gets dark. then it all comes back to me.

anyway i'm really happy that i filled up my week. it'll give me an incentive to study. and also give my mind a much-needed energy boost. the weekend was, in one word, kinda boring. but then again, which other weekend recently wasn't boring? haha.

what's going on with my life...nothing much actually. just waiting to see what this week will bring. tomorrow is some family day thing where i'm going to eat SASHIMI. haha. i miss it. although i don't think i can stand looking at the wasabi after what happened at the camp =D

speaking of family, my grandad's in icu now. i'm kinda really worried for him...he's got water in his lungs, it's a sudden thing. he had a heart bypass a couple of days ago. i heard it's almost 100% filled with water and he needs a respirator to breathe. it's worrying.

my mind is filled with denser thoughts. work and play balance. i know if i stay home i'll end up slacking. so might as well go out to slack...right...right...?

i'm so tired.

i just had to do that.
and you did that.
and something small led on to something big. get the hint? no of course not. not yet. relax.

If I could find you now,
Things would get better.
We could leave this town,
And run forever
I hope somewhere, somehow, we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me,
And take me away, yeah.


taken out of context, they fit perfectly.

it's the end of a very very long day. slept this morning at 3.30am. it was a stuffy night. i think i'm exhausted, dehydrated and on an adrenaline high. i just wish it would go my way but it just doesn't.

i should have seen it coming...i should have fucking known.

thank you all you happy campers for making my past two weeks so awesome. it's contraction, i know, but i really don't mean that. i appreciate so many things. i was just too tired to remember them. i still am. but i'm constantly trying. and it's a first.

there is solace in work though. tried to run away from it by reading up on twitter. no matter what people say, i now have the proper information as much as i could. and it's substantial. twitter is a waste of time and not worth the time, effort or money. all three and i mean them. i don't make claims without meaning them in some sense.

well, world. back to the hard, cold, contradictory reality of the earth.

hey!

just a quick blogpost, a snippet from my life.
before i leave for another camp! adeeb, watch out, calls galore! XD hope you're okay with it.
i'm here sending songs to my phone. just in case. which will probably happen. i won't be able to conveniently charge my ipod. hope nobody steals it too. and i hope everything will go well.

edwin's already in camp. again for the second time this holiday.
what songs should i put in my ipod?
camps always instill this sense of solitude in me.
i'm sending over songs that wrap me in their warmth.
does this mean more quiet bloodwrapped short dragged out nights?
i wonder.

i just cut my hair, the woman did it so well.
i'm really starting to dislike hair falling in my eyes. although i must say i look good with good length hair. but still. vanity is a sin.
editing my email now. too many unread emails. they clutter my inbox up. and my organisation.
if i do say so myself, i'm quite organised when it comes to the computer.
my work files are all in their proper folders and it gives me pleasure just looking at the neatness.
bipolar hor.

okay haha. i'm trying hard to make sense but i guess i'm still affected. by stuff. NO I'M NOT BEING EMO. i'm just saying. lol. =D now, i know how to get out of that secluded place. but if they're sending buses...hmm. better i guess.

re-listening to bjork's volta. very very good actually. need to give it some time again soon. =)

dammit i need to prioritise between people.

OFF TO CAMP!

gonna blog when i next get my hands on a computer there =)
see you!

zomggg I'm sickkkk! LOL I totally forgot how much I hated the feeling. Yeah felt like fucking crap in the afternoon, so much so that I took a cab back.

Hmm after a good sleep I'm back up again. Fever gone, but phlegm and slight sore throut still there. You know the kind that makes you scared of coughing it out for fear of choking? Yeah that kind. When I woke up this afternoon I literally felt my skull heating up from all those worrisome thoughts buzzing and whizzing within my skull.

I must rest well or the Sunday party will be attended by one less person and it won't be fun for everyone AT ALL.

And then there's also pre-u sem and the CLIC camp to worry about.

NEVERMIND I WILL NOT THINK OF THOSE THINGS. I WILL HAVE FUN WITH NO REGRETS!!!!

In school in front of the pt now. It's so fresh. Like the sea breeze is giving me energy. After the KI 3 period tutorial...energy drainer.

Haha there's something I noticed. I don't do very well in 1-to-1 talks. Or at least I don't extremely enjoy them cuz like I need to have an observer. Like an audience. Gah so confessional. Haha. Well. Off to do some interesting handover preparations. Will be bittersweet when this is all over.

Okay this shall just be a kinda rehash of what I have to do soon by this week and the main things on my mind now. Okay. First, I have to meet sef tmr morning. Oh and I'm feeling guilty because I spammed the IPs with messages and I kept changing the circumstance. Sigh. Okay. What else. There's my screwy PW group which hasn't gotten around to do anything that we feel safe about (or maybe it's just me). And then there's the issue of OSCHOOL BEING CLOSED tmr when I can seriously go there damn quickly from plaza sing lah!! Hmmmmm. Okay. There's lit homework that I'm totally putting off because of all this mess that's why I don't feel like doing anything. That reminds me I need to go register my iPod online. What else. Um oh yeah I wanted to run through my packing list tonight but I just didn't feel like it. Another period of valuable time wasted.

Oh and the dance handover thing is so rushed! Haha I mean. There should be an increased sense of urgency to get things done from everyone. And I'm worried my video idea will sound good when it's in writing but will feel so contrived once it's actually played out! Which I think often happen to my planned joke ideas. Pardon me if i do say so myself, but my humour is SPONTANEOUS. Gahhh. Then it leads me to this: what CAN I actually do? I mean, it's starting to sound like there's utterly nothing I can do right now to help out. Sighhhh. Okay really, enough about that. What's next on the list. Ummmm. Concentrate man. You can do this. Just not so much the tasks involved.

I need to check my list. it's becoming/become my brain. I'm totally over-relying on it. Pre-U sem is next week and i'm wondering if I'm ready or not. Fuckkk there's the 30 page reader to read in preparation for the thing! Hahaha and I'm here wasting my time.

Okay I squeezed out everything but there's still some things which are bothering me. Which includes the things I think I'm missing out from this post. And the on-screen keyboard is totally getting me irritated aside from me being worried alr. Where's one of those useful softwares when you need them.

Well I'm felling in a slightly better mood alr. Just mildly troubled. But don't worry. Things'll get better. Just like they always do for me. No one likes an "emo" post.

Nic, you haven't replied, I'm totally hoping you or someone can accompany me shopping tmr. :) i'm also hoping that parents'll let me go for the outing on freaky Friday and that we have the strength, conviction, creativity and focus to do what we have to do by then and then let me go out on Sunday whole day (well almost) for the thing which required "much effort!" from us, me not excluded. That really, despite all of this, you really must wonder how great pandora was when she released Hope to the world.

Haha well, if they can actually reply my email and tell me how to register for the courses, I definitely wouldn't mind risking it and going for the courses! Oschool! Reply me by tmr or Monday please! :) the IPs are waiting for your reply as well, and I don't wanna let them down. I don't wanna let myself down either. :P I WANNA SEE SHOHEI!!! and if course learn his moves. XD

It's a Saturday morning, I slept super early last night for a Friday night. 10.40pm I think. But hey, I was really kinda tired after watching the awesome soccer girls beat the opponents, SAJC. I must say they put up a good fight though, although no goals were scored in the second half. Congrats huang!

Slightly worried not so much about work, but for the exco planning that we have to do for the farewell party. It's quite rush, but what i'm glad about is the progress we're making as a new exco :) still have got lots to sort out though, can't all be talking and no one doing anything.

OH COME ON. KRIS?!

Wth lah is really IS a popularity contest. Seriously.

Well the history test went rather well. I'm just really glad it's over and all. The worry was starting to get on my nerves. Stuck in maths lecture now, what an irony that I'm not paying attention. Just quite fed up with the subject.

What else. Well, my blogging in school shows how I've withdrawn somewhat into my shell. And it's rather interesting because it's not all that bad, I get some time to myself and my thoughts. Which gets weird when I start to over-think things.

And sometimes I just need confirmation and affirmation that what I'm doing is right. That I have no choice but to get from others.

Sigh.

FEELING LETHARGIC!!!

GOD i feel weird.

i slept in the afternoon and now it's kinda late (in my standard) but i still feel so detached and i have this vague feeling of dizzyness. ah what the heck.
anyway it's made weirder by my being sick of my music and my itunes because i haven't found a large amount of good music in awhile. also, i've got so many things to do in my to-do-list and it's like whenever i finish something using so much of my effort another thing comes up just after it. like after doing an essay i need to print it or sth. sighh. and it's the numbers that are piling up.

okay. stress. must. handle. it. too many white hairs popping up alr, everyone's pointing them out to me. must they grow in such obvious places?

anyway, eating ice cream does help because it clears up your mind. hah. more like a good-enough distraction.
thinking/ worrying about KI essay topic, because i don't really know what to do. and i feel bad if i have to share resources with simin because that would be kinda intruding upon her ground. or something or nothing. who really thinks about this kinda thing??

oh yes today and this night is weird also because it's the season finale of gossip girl and american idol and one tree hill (almost). i'm going to watch the final ep of gg right after this blogpost. and i feel like i want a picture in the blogpost.

yeah here it is. i wish i could just lie down and forget about all the things and problems i have to do or solve right now.

haha come to think of it, sometimes when we over-think about these problems it's just us over-thinking things and nothing else. =)


ZOMG WHAT??? I CAN'T BELIEVE GOSSIP GIRL IS OVER JUST LIKE THAT! HAHAHA OMG. INCREDIBLE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET THEM COME BACK. i didn't know chuck had that kind of sweetness in him. congrats to blair! and who's that new guy in the cafe scene with the rolling stones picture? and what's up with georgina's new extremely evil look?
I CAN'T WAIT!

Maths is going to
Kill me.

Ahhh pw is getting on my nerves. On the bright side, my dad is okay with me going to clic camp :) just have to ask my mom uh-oh. I don't really know how my group stands among the other groups, and that's getting me worried. Haha. Thank god my pw teacher is really good, she been giving us good advice.

Haha I don't really know what EOM is about. Still!

I should be doing something else rather than blogging here and now. But I can't because the stress is crushing me :( oh no. Not again. Yeah my today was generally stressed. I couldn't get much done on my history essay because I didn't know and I still don't know where to start or how to go about doing it. I think I'll go consult mr Sayers tmr, if I can. I just hope I have the discipline and it doesn't go like the last time I consulted a teacher: mr Lin kuantai.

Ugh.

It's a Saturday morning, spent the morning trying to do some work but failed as far as I can remember. Haha. Working on the tiresome history essay. there's so much reading to do but I don't really have a focus. It's always been like that for history. Just don't feel like touching work much yet. I wanna do pw but groupmates aren't responding. Need to do something social, can't really concentrate by myself now. Dunno whether tonight's dinner will be enjoyable or stressful.

Sigh so right now wondering how I'm going to get myself up to do work. Don't feel like myself leh. Have a slight idea why, but stupid of me to have ever thought so. :P

Thinking about the long run, looking forward to working with shanice closely. Seems like an amicable person. Good thing is that she has unlimited smses. Bad thing is that I'm not in enough control as I would want to be when it comes to these things. Something about the nature of this role that makes me uncomfortable too. Need to find out more from sef. Or jinghan if possible.

Have any of you ever read the watchmen?

It's school assembly and they're screening the faces of the year video which I think is kinda weird. Haha the rain this mormon is killing me, it got me so darn wet. Luckily I has this extra shirt in my bag that I used to dry off. Now it's the house comm investiture thing. Sigh.

The extremely good news is, I successfully ran for vice president in dance club!!! Okay "successfully" just doesn't cut it. I DID IT!!! Hahaha yay. Now to further my plans for works domination...LOL. I'm really really happy! It just hasn't surfaced or hit me yet. I'm working with chernise, who's the new president. Expectations on me and myself are really high. I just hope my parents will understand, and be supportive. Hope I'll live up to the previous committee! They've done such an awesome job already, it's intimidating to think about even matching up.

Currently in the class of 09a11 there are three vice presidents. Rachna, szeying and myself. And later on rachel if she's made it! :)

Forgot to tell you hit about my awesome Monday, the one with the public holiday. It was really good, we enjoyed the spoils of victory. Went kboxing and it was just really cosy hanging out with everyone. Including sef who wore this orange polo tee. Hahaha very unlike him. After that left early to buy my crazy 85 dollar t shirt!! Which was nice but it's really crazy lah. Looking forward to wearing it. It's LARGE. Met leonie and daphne and the long lost GERALDINE!! Haha the pigs ate dunno how many sushi plates lah before I came. Really fun(ny) time.

Last night was the last night that I spent as an apathetic dance club member. I am now bound by duty and honour to serve more than ever before.

Wheee blogging from school again. This is so much more interesting considering that I spend so much time in school. Hahaha. Well now I can blog from anywhere in school hooray! Hmm chionging history now, everyone's doing work at the stone tables. Going to the library later to return long overdue books and also going to get a ride down to pasir ris to replace my ez link card. :) quite waste time actually, lucky have this awesome gadget. Okay this is a very aimless post, just testing it out. Whee. Sexyback.

I'm blogging using the title of the post because blogger won't. let me type in the box. Sigh. Jelly

victory is sweeeet.

it's really interesting how you forget all the bad stuff and see only the good and the little successes on the journey there. not forgetting all the people who helped and encouraged you on your way.

i'm sitting at home on my bed for the first time with my laptop. the house is dark and quiet, i hope i don't wake my brother up. i cabbed home because it was that late, just missed the last 14 bus (i presume it was). i spent lots of painful time in the shower trying to remove this glittery sticky stuff at the corner of my face. haha. it was rather raw. but i didn't succeed and it's still there. abit of eyeliner too. i think i'll sleep it off soon.

so pumped up, can't sleep anytime soon. hope my mom doesn't wake up and catch me cuz she's so prone to doing that. lol. sleep problems.

i can't really speak in my own words now, so i'll leave you with a line from somewhere.

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
So say what you want
Say what you want

p.s. i think our batch of dancers are a booming bunch to work with. i'll look forward to that, and more victories like today (or should i say yesterday, because it's already 1.23am on Saturday).

it's the night before musicfest.

sorry for the long pauses before updates, but i've been really busy. song made my day when he asked me to go out. haven't spoken to him for a long long time. also, today i am especially especially really proud of my two lit essays which were done in conjunction with each other, they scored As from mr teo and i'm super proud of them and he gave me a book to go with it as well. =) i told my parents and they weren't that excited though. sighh. i've got two ulcers. what an ugly thing to say.

just went into my facebook and found 49 updates. haha. okay. well. back to my life then. see you real-life people around in school or through the phone!

HELLO! i haven't blogged in a long long time.

well, i see everyone in school so often that it's just quite unnecessary to blog. haha. and i don't think any of my new classmates visit my blog at all. hah. well if you do just tag. and i know my blog has lots of like, people who don't tag but read really often. i just wanna say a thankyou to leonie and leslie, the silent readers. strong and silent. LOL. =)

hmm dramanite went awesomely! totally loved it. it was quite an experience. i didn't forget any of my lines. hooray. and the audience went wild at gertrude, and zomg i received flowers at the end from the numerous people who went and watched the show! haha i really hope you guys had lots of fun and enjoyed it, and thank you all so much for supporting the production! and my voice is okay only lah, thanks to the people who said it was good/great/fantastic/jazzy XD

okay. you know in The Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up"? do they say "YEAH" or "GEDDIT"? lol. my first impression was that they were saying YEAH. you have to really consciously listen and think "geddit" before you hear the "geddit". haha. well just a random fact.

what's coming up for me:
application for dance vice-pres! speech.
"Promiscuous" choreography
yeah that's all. hahaha. and uh, catching up on work and revision. my parents are going crazy for me to do those. trust me lah.

IPOD TOUCH!

"I don't know where to start
Say I'm tired or throw a party
These cucumber eyes are lying the more that i smile about it
And all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways
I don't like it

It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy you're in love
'Cause every color goes where you do"



aren't the lyrics so beautiful?
the song's by Frou Frou.
the title is It's Good To Be In Love.

wheeee it's the end of the weekend.

um, today my mom was the angriest i've ever seen her. strangely enough, i was calm throughout the whole episode even though she was angry at me. i figured it wasn't a big deal, and it really wasn't. she had no right to be so upset and i guess she kinda knew it, that's why she was getting more and more upset that she was wrong. if you wanna know why, it's just cuz i didn't dry my hair dry enough today. haha. oh well. i don't have a guilty conscience about it, it feels so free. oh and she's still not talking to me. ah well it's more of a benefit i guess. although i was thinking about it in church, and really, how do you know what thoughts you think are influenced by good and what are those influenced by bad? do the distinctions even exist in the first place? and to think about it guys, do you know how much of our lives are influenced by religion? a hell lot.

um, anyway the most worrisome thing right now on my mind is the choreography. no ipod=no portable music=no time/opportunity to choreo halo! ahhh. scary.

i lost my ipod. it's still affecting me. sighh. so damn sad. and i sense my mom is growing in her unfounded worries that i'm not coping with work with all my activities. i've already been really resolute, more so than a certain tkgs girl. and i'm gonna strive to do more.

what worries me is when i'm gonna get the new one. it's tough living without one. i'm not being spoilt. i'm a music addict and i need my fix.

ERIC VAN DER WOODSEN IS BACKK~~!!

lol. and i really don't fancy that jai ho song from the slumdog millionaire soundtrack.

just now i was fuming that my computer didn't print out my essay right.

now because of my stupid contact lens my left eye feels raw cuz i've tried a few times to get the lens out. sigghhhh. sometimes when i'm grumpy i can fume at anything. ANYTHING. including how my fingers move so stupidly across the keyboard and keep getting in the way of other keys, and i have to backspace repeatedly.

okay. gossip girl still on.

I see your halo halo HALO!!!

love that song. choreographed something for it, my first ever. =)

please come for our dance competition concert! 10th april. inform me by thursday!

hooray.

well, i've decided to join the dance team for musicfest, that means i can't perform with the band. there were comments though about our audition item, and i thought that was really heartening and encouraging. but i don't have singapore idol in mind so yeah.

reading books that you're interested in is the sexxx.

yeah true. i'm reading the watchmen now. thank you asyraf, kevin, gabriel, lucas, wadee, adeeb, jq, gra, willie, leonie, darren, ashley, wanqing, gwen, simin, yazzie, and amanda. in no particular order, just the rough order found in lucas' book. =) thanks and nice quick thinking of covering the price lucas. just think if i had looked at it...*shudder*. i'm still reading the book and it is awesome. definitely worth keeping and re-reading, until i grow old. gwen, i hope you enjoyed (and are still enjoying) your birthday like me! =) 07v13 rocks. you're making me feel guilty for not buying presents XD

i am also caught up in work though, haha. <--- it's a sarcastic kind of laugh where you're not really enjoying it. although i must say, my body's consciousness is much more now. i feel like i'm able to stay up much longer on days that i don't have dance. =) hope it stays like this and keeps improving.

lots of things going on.
thursday, church.
friday, igloo gig. and photoshoot.
saturday, dance rehearsal at hougang.
sunday, ditto.
next friday, dance PERFORMANCE at hougang. must persuade people to go and sell the tix too. =) i think i'll need more tix.
dramanite rehearsals peppering over the weeks. culminating on 24th april.
choir concert. mid may.
musicfest finals, mid may.

go me.
lit trip?

THANK YOU THANK YOU.

=)

musicfest auditions!

chillax, stretch out, your life's just beginning.

no point to most of things you do.

Keane - We Might As Well Be Strangers

I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well

Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know

funny how you can feel so REFRESHED at almost midnight.

just to check up, i've done like half the history essay. it was a struggle, but i'm positive i can finish it tmr. definitely finish it before passing it up on time. don't wanna think about econs now. i'm chilling (like, in every sense of the word. the weather/temperature's nice and there's this comforting glow from the computer screen. best part of all, i'm being aurally pleasured as if in a live lounge right now with the script right in front. their music is great.)

haha so anyway tmr the band's meeting up for the first time and it's only like less than a week before our musicfest performance or sth. XD dunno lah. struggle on! hooray.

the mike kinda muffles your voice i think. however, recording standard, it doesn't. strange. sometimes i feel it's counterintuitive.

missed the class outing today. sad. but i hope everyone who went had fun! i mean, from the bottom of my heart. really. and i know sometimes my jokes are insensitive and inappropriate. and i realise that, cuz some situations aren't meant to be made fun of. so yeah. i know it. changing's another matter, but tell me okay.

well yeah. i kinda think that why my blogposts are so random and are kinda flowy sometimes is cuz i like to digress from the slightest idea and also that i'm very sick of writing forced essays.