The following blog was written over 5 years ago during a particularly difficult time in my life. It's amazing to see how far I've come since then. In fact, I hardly remember the person that I wrote about then. I guess that's a good thing. I do see how dramatic I was at that moment but I also know that writing that down at the time was a very cathartic experience. It's a little long, a little wordy and very little like the me I see today. However, I feel the need to post it so....here goes...
Nov 9, 2006
Why Does The Moon Smirk At Me?
Current mood:nostalgic
I took a drive earlier this evening to collect my thoughts. So many goings on in my head. Mostly confusion and illusion. That sounds like the same thoughts, but I assure you, that in Lori's world, everything is different.
Back to my drive... I ended up by an old tree at our reservoir. I used to go to this spot when I was a kid. Beautiful, serene, quiet, woodsy. I just needed to be alone for just a brief time. As I sat in my car, windows down, stereo off, engine off, I was alone with my thoughts for the first time in a very long while. It's kind of scary to be alone with your thoughts. I was afraid of what they might say to me. But, in that silence, with the moon staring down at me with that same cocky smirk on his face that I've grown to love, I heard nothing but the beating of my own heart and the faint sliding of a small tear as it carved it's path down my cheek.
Confusion comes from not knowing what to do. Illusion comes from not knowing when something is real, or when something isn't. Sometimes, the illusion will bring confusion and that's where I sat tonight. Alone, at the Norwalk Reservoir, by my old familiar tree that has a beautiful view of the stone turtle that I used to play on as a child.
There are so many things that I miss. So many things I don't. I just want ME back. I like Lori when she's not being overly dramatic. She's fun, energetic, loving, kind, loyal, and let's not forget, irresistable & intoxicating. (ha) I saw glimpses of her tonight as the moon cast it's eerie reflection on the water. But, just as quickly as she arrived, she was gone. The wind blew the water, and it carried that glimpse of her along it's ripples where it disappeared on the rocky shoreline. And as the wind made it's way past my old tree it whispered to me, then dried that tear that had carved it's path down my cheek. And, once again, I was alone, with my thoughts.
I might see her again soon. I hope so. Just that glimpse gave me hope.
If you see her anywhere, tell her I'm looking for her. OH!! You might need to give her directions.
Like I said... In Lori's world, EVERYTHING is different.
Just Me
