wisdom from Eudora Welty

“Parents and children take turns back and forth, changing places, protecting and protesting each other: so it seemed to the child” (141).

Welty, Euroda.  The Optimist’s Daughter.  1969.  New York: Random House, 1972.

Home by Marilynne Robinson

 Home,  by Pulitzer Prize winning author Marilynne Robinson, starts off slowly and never accelerates.  That's just fine by me.  Reminiscent of Faulkner's artistry to reveal secrets quickly but after much waiting, Robinson makes sure that her readers get to know Jack, Glory, and their father before she reveals any of their secrets--most of which you'll already have guessed.  Like Faulkner, the emphasis lies not with the plot but with the characterization.  And one of the prominent characters is the Presbyterian religion.

I don't know much about Presbyterianism.  I know a lot about Catholicism, a little bit about Islam, and a little more about Buddhism.  So reading Home, I repeatedly found myself asking my Baptist-born, Bible-doctorate husband questions which started with, "Do Presbyterians believe in...?"  Unfortunately, I didn't gleam the information I needed to understand my central problem with the book--self-sacrifice.  Specifically, I object to touting  self-sacrifice as self-actualization.

Before I object to the ending, I do  want to recommend this book for its take on female self-actualization.  Its implied author seems to authentically struggle with how we can be gracious, generous, hospitable, forgiving, tolerant, and ethical without destroying our own chance of happiness and enhancement.  Glory and Jack both struggle with these issues.  Their father, less so.  Up until the end--which I prefer not to give away--their struggles are genuine and, therefore, unmistakably flawed.  They afford kindness and deny it.  They rise above their situations and become mired in them.  I became so tired of Jack's pity party until I got to know his father better.  All old age and religious excuses aside, the guy's toxic.  I began to understand that if he were my father and I'd not followed the religious and social parameters of his household, I would have also gone astray and felt alienated.  For each ethical dilemma that Jack, Glory, and their father encounter, there are no easy (or perhaps even, right) answers.  These are struggles that, based on irreversible past actions, rely on altering one's mind, not one's situation.  For my money, these Presbyterians could have used a dose of Buddhism or Stoicism.

The beauty of reading the book for me was witnessing how  Jack and Glory (their father, not so much) struggle to negotiate amid a strict worldview based on a complicated combination of perdition and grace. Witnessing their struggles afforded me important self-actualizing questions:  After ruining somebody else's life, can I ever hope to live a full life?  Or is that hope unfair?   Can I privilege my beliefs over charity, and feel righteous?  Is it more important to be right or be about the relationship?  When is it time to extract myself from toxic family relationships?  Can I ever turn off those parental voices in my brain?  Home  evolves these questions, often leaving them unanswered, but still exploring them sincerely.

That is, until the ending when it seems that the one and only redemption we can all embrace is self-sacrifice.  Glory, contrary to what Jack advises her, chooses to sacrifice her life for a fantasy--for the good of someone she has just met and, ironically, who will likely never benefit from her self-sacrifice. Forget about religion.  That's just a waste.  Enough said.

But extract that unnecessary and destructive ending, and I totally endorse this book, which struggles with female self-actualizing--to know/accept oneself better, to eschew debilitating external pressures, and to participate in someone/thing bigger than oneself.  Glory does all of that--until her final decision.

Good reading!

secular Buddhism and meditation reading list

My new interest in secular Buddhism and meditation began when my daughter Megan came to visit, lugging Dan Harris's 10% Happier with her, a few months ago.  She hadn't read it.  But the title intrigued me.  So I bought it, read it, and have spun away on this summer's self-actualization journey.


Harris's memoirs inclined me toward researching Buddhism and later, practicing mindful meditation. From there, I met with my colleague Narendra, who gave me much great advice and lent me 4 books on meditation.  You'll see those books first.  You'll see the advice he gave me after my reading recommendations.

1. Meditation-the Complete Guide, Revised Edition. By Patricia Monaghan and Eleanor G. Viereck

These are the sections that I found practical and meaningful: lying down exercises, loving-kindness meditation, Zen work practice, Taosim, Tai Chi Tao, Qigong, walking meditation, 3 sections of the human brain, nature sketching as meditation, guided meditation, gardening as meditation, & meditations for pain and grief

2. Luminous Mind (Meditation and Mind Fitness).  By Joel Levey and Michelle Levey

Read the chapters on Concentration, Mindfulness, Reflective, Creative, and Heart-Centered Meditation to give you a solid breath of different meditation purposes and practices.

3. Meditative Therapy.  By Michael and Janet Emmons
I don't seem to have any notes on this one... So from Amazon.com:  "For more than three decades Dr. Michael Emmons has shown thousands of readers how to tap their own powerful "inner source" of emotional healing. Here, he and Janet Emmons colloborate to offer the professional therapist a full description of the therapeutic procedures that facilitate inner-directed healing and explains the therapist's role in guiding clients' growth psychologically, physiologically and spiritually."

4. Healing Anxiety Naturally. By Harold Bloomfield

Amazon.com Review..The bestselling author of Hypericum & Depression has compiled here the latest dosage information on kava kava, valerian root, ginkgo, ginseng, licorice root, milk thistle, and many other natural remedies for anxiety, nervousness, and insomnia. It's more than a listing of suggested herbs, though, and includes a natural self-healing program of mental and physical exercises meant to reduce stress and ease anxiety, tension, and anger and their requisite physical manifestations: rapid heartbeat, sweating, hyperventilation, dizziness, panic attacks, cigarette cravings, and more. Bloomfield encourages readers to try breathing exercises, visualization, mediation, music therapy, and anger therapy, and includes an extensive list of Internet resources, mental health associations, and self-help groups. --Erica Jorgensen --

After these 4, I read...

An Easy guide to Meditation: For Personal Benefits and Spiritual Growth.  By Roy Eugene Davis

This is more religious than the first 4.  I have only 2 highlights--both very general and not unique.

5.  Insight Meditation: The Practice of Freedom. By Joseph Goldstein.

I took an abundance of notes on this.  Particularly instructive are the anecdotes, the secularized approach to Buddhism, and practical applications--not just in meditation but in everyday situations.  Dan Harris speaks frequently of Goldstein in his book.

6. The Essence of Buddhism.   By David Tuffley

Tuffley's focus is on the "enlightened person"--who is she and how does she act?

7.  Modern Buddhism.  By Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

Gyatso takes an historical look at the Buddha's teachings.  There are several volumes.  I'm still reading this one.

8. Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart.  By Mark Epstein. 

Epstein offers a secular approach to Buddhism.  Most of this coincides with the philosophy and techniques of GetSomeHeadspace.com.  I found this to be a practical refresher for what Andy Puddicombe tries to accomplish. Also, I seem to recall that Harris speaks of Epstein in his book.

Here's what Narendra sent me about The 4 Noble Truths...

For A Better Life...

1. Suffering exists. (Birth, Aging, Sickness & Death) 

     Presence of Objects we loath, separation from what we love, and not getting what we      want are sorrow/sufferings. 

2. Suffering has a cause. (Attachment, Craving, Aversion & Ignorance)

    Aversion is desire to avoid it because it gives pain. You do not want to think about it. 

    And.....that in sense is ignorance. Ignorance is cause of suffering, ignorance keeps 

    you in the suffering state.

3. Suffering can end.  (Training your brain)

    Your mind belongs to you. Say that it’s a traffic jam. No big deal.  Make it a perfect           moment, a prefect day. Make it a pleasurable traffic jam. It is a walk toward freedom.     Try it.

4. There is a method to end suffering.  (Eight-fold Path)

     I.  Wisdom--Right View & Right Intention)

     II. Ethics--Right Speech, Right Action, & Right Livelihood; truth & non-     

     violence (Gandhi Ji’s philosophy) – Buddha said – “Those who associate with people of      good character will consequently become upright in heart, deed, and word.”

     III. Mental development--right effort, right mindfulness, & right concentration

“Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.               

     It isn't more complicated than that. It is opening to or receiving the present moment,        pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is, without either clinging to it or rejecting it.” - - -        Sylvia Boorstein

Plus...

“Be present in your present."

Right Effort is not about “Just do it.” it’s more about “Just keep doing it." 

Right Mindfulness is the “IT”. Right Concentration is Meditation and beyond.

Here are my notes from my conference with Narendra: 

Mind-body Connections

Synchronize my actions with my breathing and my thinking.

Weigh in and take my blood pressure weekly.

Eat foods with vibrant colors.

Breathe in 1 nostril & out the other, switching off: 5 times.

Slow down--like a turtle.

Be present in the present; forget the past and the future.

Practice mindfulness and mindful meditation.

Coordinate my wavelength with my partner's.

I am not my body and not my mind.  I am me.

Finally, I have joined GetSomeHeadspace.com and look forward to my meditation sessions every day.  You could try the 10-minute/day free trial sessions and see if it's for you!