Once again... one more question to go and I'll be able to get a better grade (A/B instead of B) !! It's really pissing me off when getting to know that I've failed to get a better grade by ONE CORRECT ANSWER!! After all the hard work done and this is what I obtain...... Am I really deserve this kinda ill fortune? And this, in fact, is the THIRD TIME, so far, out of 10 blocks. I wondering is it really that hard to get all my hard work paid off? Or, perhaps, should I just give up in aiming for better grade, knowing the fact that I would not able to score any better in my entire journey of being a medical student EVEN with more and more hard work and spirit.
Graph of scoring has been in a "dynamic" changes all these while... ACCORDING TO MY SCORE !! For instance, it will be an A for a score of 65 in a particular block exam (when my score was 60, for example) and just "shifted" to 75 in the coming one (when my score was 70, for example). It just seems that "I'm not allowed to get an A for any test" by adjusting the grading "accordingly". My make-up test, my block exams were the best example. "one more to go OR shifting the graph" are basically what I'm experiencing all these while... with the aim of "avoiding" me to score !!
Well... now, everything is no longer a matter to me with the fact that, after a careful calculation, I would no longer able to get first honor degree in my Bachelor of Medicine degree. It has always been my one and only aim when stepping into this faculty, besides serving as a force that keep me moving and motivates me. Now, it's all gone !! All the hard work and efforts just vanish into the thin air......
I suppose the old sayings do not work as they should, do they?
"Hard works do pay off"
"The more efforts you put in, the more you'll gain in later days"
and so on...
So long my first honor degree......
I've tried my very best but... it's simply my destiny not to have "you" by my side............
p/s Should I keep struggling for better results? Should I keep putting my heart and soul in my studies? I really have no idea regrading this issue. And my "illness of unknown etiology" (unable to focus, memorising and staying alert due to poor sleeping pattern) is still giving me a hard time being as a medical student (even after a freaking expensive test, polysomnography, for Sarjidto hospital, costing me nearly RM 800 (instead of Rp 185k mentioned earlier as they have forgotten to inform me that it was only for the early assessment, excluding the PSG) and yet, could not find out the etiology of it). Life is getting tough and it just really really really seems like... I'm being fooled around and I will never get what I desire, no matter how hard I work for it~
* and... I just had my arm "smashed" against the ground which is full with small rocks and sand during my way to return the borrowed bike, 50m away from the destination. Thanks to the rainy day, and yet, I was not provided with a raincoat ~ What a day......
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Monday, 10 May 2010
Can't they do their job right for just ONCE ?
UGM, a so-called the best medical faculty of Indonesia is full of nothing but a group of annoying people who do not bother carry out their duty RIGHT !! Postponed lectures, missing or extra practical labs, test papers with wrong questions (or wrong answers)...... and so on and so on. And it's really a pain that they don't even care to show any improvement though such issues had been raised thousands or millions times by the students. And among all of these, the most annoying one is the screwed up schedule of OSCE !! It has never been conducted at the preferred time or at least, informed earlier. I mean like, they would "detain" u here at Yogyakarta for a week or two just to sit for the test.
Maybe it doesn't seem to be much a problem but as a medical student of UGM, we're lacking of holiday and yet, u're making use of our holiday for test !! So, u still call that A HOLIDAY?? 1 month holiday which eventually turn out to be 2 weeks for 1 whole year of stressful studies, could u imagine that? And I really don't get why can't the admins or people in charge inform us about the date earlier? Must it always be 2 months before the test commences? Even USU can release the date for OSCE 6 months earlier ! So, u still can that "efficient administration"?
It has been years for OSCE to be conducted at the end of each semester year and yet this issue has NEVER SOLVED !! And it's even worse for this coming one, which is said to be held nearly 1 month after our block exam !! What's wrong with u guys?? What we gonna do for this 1 month time here at Yogya? And the funny thing is, our junior batch is scheduled to sit for the test earlier than us despite that their block exam is held 1 week after ours (if not mistaken). I'm really wondering why this kinda medical school will ever earn the title "the best ever medical school" for Indonesia, with such poor handling of basic administration.
What am I gonna do with my booked tickets? Two tickets (with a gap of 1 week time) were booked due to the anticipated poor administration and yet they're burnt NOW!! This medical school is indeed the most sucks school I've ever been into. UGM, I'm waiting for your ranking to drop drastically in the near future !!
Maybe it doesn't seem to be much a problem but as a medical student of UGM, we're lacking of holiday and yet, u're making use of our holiday for test !! So, u still call that A HOLIDAY?? 1 month holiday which eventually turn out to be 2 weeks for 1 whole year of stressful studies, could u imagine that? And I really don't get why can't the admins or people in charge inform us about the date earlier? Must it always be 2 months before the test commences? Even USU can release the date for OSCE 6 months earlier ! So, u still can that "efficient administration"?
It has been years for OSCE to be conducted at the end of each semester year and yet this issue has NEVER SOLVED !! And it's even worse for this coming one, which is said to be held nearly 1 month after our block exam !! What's wrong with u guys?? What we gonna do for this 1 month time here at Yogya? And the funny thing is, our junior batch is scheduled to sit for the test earlier than us despite that their block exam is held 1 week after ours (if not mistaken). I'm really wondering why this kinda medical school will ever earn the title "the best ever medical school" for Indonesia, with such poor handling of basic administration.
What am I gonna do with my booked tickets? Two tickets (with a gap of 1 week time) were booked due to the anticipated poor administration and yet they're burnt NOW!! This medical school is indeed the most sucks school I've ever been into. UGM, I'm waiting for your ranking to drop drastically in the near future !!
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
Neuro problem ??
Today, I've been to Sardjito hospital for my appointment with Dr Astuti, a neurologist. It has been the third treatment and consultation that I've sought so far, due to an annoying problem which has been bothering me for almost one year. The first time was with a psychologist where I was actually intended to get some sleeping pills from GMU doctor but was being referred to a psychologist, instead whereby the second time was with my academic advisor, Dr Budi Pratiti, a psychiatrist. However, medication was not given by both of them, instead, advice on eating habit, lifestyle, avoid thinking too much before going to bed, drink a glass of warm milk before sleep, and so on were some suggestions given. It even until the extent that, after several complaints to Dr Budi, as my academic advisor, she simply said that it is of normal phenomenon due that I've been thinking too much and under some degree of stress. According to Dr Carla and Dr Budi, I should have been grateful as I still able to dream as this is the only way out for thoughts and stress that I've encounter daily. My condition could have been severe if I were not dreaming at all. Well... maybe they are right about that but for me, being dreaming all over the night which has eventually leads to exhaustion, unable to focus on studies and some degree of memory loss are indeed killing me, especially as a medical student. But it's sad to say that, though I've managed to get the prescription from Dr Budi, at last, either the drug is not available in any pharmacy (the first prescription) or I've lost the drug bought, on my way back, after being travel from pharmacy to pharmacy, of few kilometer from my kost.
Well... I was almost give up in looking for any treatment, until was given a lecture by Dr Astuti, on neurophysiology of behaviour, emotion and motivation, on 15th of March. I found out that my symptoms are sort of similar to those in sleeping disorder and manage to get an appointment with her after the lecture for further investigation. The appointment was supposed to be scheduled on the 19th of March but was being postponed to today due that she was having a postponed tutorial on that particular day.
Anyway, back to the main topic, the treatment received today. It was to my surprise that, the consultation session was really a long one - approximately 45mins and I was required to answer a series of questions and perform certain tasks like mentioning what is the day today, the date, month, year and season of today after she finish her sentence, fold the paper with right hand and put it on the floor, memorising 3 things and mention them out after a couple minutes, doing simple calculation (100-7=? then minus 7 again and again and again for a total of five times), and so on. The whole process took around 20 minutes as the tasks and questionnaires needed to be conducted were more than 10 pages thick. It was then follow by physical examination when BP and pulse were taken, eyes movements, biting teeth-to-teeth (which I'm not sure what is it for) and a series of neuroreflex examination. If not mistaken, it seems like I'm suffering from some neuronal problems too as I heard that I have some pathological reflexes. Well, I must say that this is the good thing of being a medical student as u'll know what doctors have been talking about :p I was schedule for another appointment, on the 1st of April, 7.30pm for an overnight stay at the hospital, to take a polysomnography of my sleep cycle.
After all the physical examination, Dr Astuti has even made an effort in explaining the normal sleep cycle and sleeping disorder to me, which I'm not sure if she would do the same thing to other patients. Honestly, I really do appreciate her effort though I did not manage to understand it fully due that I was kinda sleepy on that particular time :p Speaking about that, I found out that, it is really different, when consulting a doctor, before and after being a medical student. The doctors seem like having great pleasure in explaining things to me, as well as when doing anamnesis. I guess it must have been we share the "same language" as communication is made easier for them :p
I'm quite looking forward to know what exactly happens to me and hoping that there is really a cure for me after being through all these consultations as being under this state of life, ie. dreams alot and not having enough rest, loss of short term and maybe long term memory, unable to concentrate in lectures, are really killing me...................
p/s the treatment for this is...... really expensive !! Rp 250k !! Thank God that Dr Astuti was giving me a free consultation, making it a total of Rp 185k, a reduction of Rp 65k :)
Well... I was almost give up in looking for any treatment, until was given a lecture by Dr Astuti, on neurophysiology of behaviour, emotion and motivation, on 15th of March. I found out that my symptoms are sort of similar to those in sleeping disorder and manage to get an appointment with her after the lecture for further investigation. The appointment was supposed to be scheduled on the 19th of March but was being postponed to today due that she was having a postponed tutorial on that particular day.
Anyway, back to the main topic, the treatment received today. It was to my surprise that, the consultation session was really a long one - approximately 45mins and I was required to answer a series of questions and perform certain tasks like mentioning what is the day today, the date, month, year and season of today after she finish her sentence, fold the paper with right hand and put it on the floor, memorising 3 things and mention them out after a couple minutes, doing simple calculation (100-7=? then minus 7 again and again and again for a total of five times), and so on. The whole process took around 20 minutes as the tasks and questionnaires needed to be conducted were more than 10 pages thick. It was then follow by physical examination when BP and pulse were taken, eyes movements, biting teeth-to-teeth (which I'm not sure what is it for) and a series of neuroreflex examination. If not mistaken, it seems like I'm suffering from some neuronal problems too as I heard that I have some pathological reflexes. Well, I must say that this is the good thing of being a medical student as u'll know what doctors have been talking about :p I was schedule for another appointment, on the 1st of April, 7.30pm for an overnight stay at the hospital, to take a polysomnography of my sleep cycle.
After all the physical examination, Dr Astuti has even made an effort in explaining the normal sleep cycle and sleeping disorder to me, which I'm not sure if she would do the same thing to other patients. Honestly, I really do appreciate her effort though I did not manage to understand it fully due that I was kinda sleepy on that particular time :p Speaking about that, I found out that, it is really different, when consulting a doctor, before and after being a medical student. The doctors seem like having great pleasure in explaining things to me, as well as when doing anamnesis. I guess it must have been we share the "same language" as communication is made easier for them :p
I'm quite looking forward to know what exactly happens to me and hoping that there is really a cure for me after being through all these consultations as being under this state of life, ie. dreams alot and not having enough rest, loss of short term and maybe long term memory, unable to concentrate in lectures, are really killing me...................
p/s the treatment for this is...... really expensive !! Rp 250k !! Thank God that Dr Astuti was giving me a free consultation, making it a total of Rp 185k, a reduction of Rp 65k :)
Saturday, 20 March 2010
My first briefing session as a MER-C member ~
Well... though I'm not quite really sure if I'm now a member of MER-C (as they never mention nor have a special event on welcoming new members), I've presumed that I am part of the MER-C Yogyakarta branch NOW as I've registered to them :p
Today was my first ever meeting with MER-C members, not as a candidate for events hold by them, but as a member !! It was actually a briefing for the diklat which will be held on 2~4th of April 2010. Such as event is said to be a "long-gone" event as they have not been holding such event ever since 2005. I was being informed that during this event, we (participants ONLY as not all members are required to join, it is of VOLUNTEER) will be exposed to a series of disaster management lectures and activities, which will be useful if we were to be sent to the field in the future. Though it will be a 3 days event (where we will be staying overnight at the site), the very first day will be only indoor activities which is lectures, while the second day is of outdoor activities (workshops, simulated disaster management). The third day, as being told, will be on the organization, mission and plans for the 2 years ahead of MER-C.
For me, this is really a short course on disaster management, compare to Summer Course of "Training of International Young Professionals in Disaster Medicine and Management" organize by CIMSA and UGM which will take 2 weeks time. Thus, I seriously don't think that it gonna be a real disaster management course but a basic exposure of emergency first aid. It was to my surprise that there were many MER-C members over there didn't seem to be interested and eager in joining such an activity. I'm not quite sure if they acting so due to the payment needed (Rp 50k), not interested or fear of really getting into some physical injuries (as we are required to sign a consent letter, stating that we will be fully responsible for our safety), but isn't that is what MER-C all about? Helping people in any way that we could? Isn't that is the reason why you guys choose to join MER-C? Because of the noble existence of it for rendering hands to people who in great need of it without asking for something in return? I really couldn't understand what was in their mind on that particular time, for making them behave in such a way...
Anyway, I am quite looking forward for that day to come, though it will be on the next day of a tiring day of mine, block examination day............
Today was my first ever meeting with MER-C members, not as a candidate for events hold by them, but as a member !! It was actually a briefing for the diklat which will be held on 2~4th of April 2010. Such as event is said to be a "long-gone" event as they have not been holding such event ever since 2005. I was being informed that during this event, we (participants ONLY as not all members are required to join, it is of VOLUNTEER) will be exposed to a series of disaster management lectures and activities, which will be useful if we were to be sent to the field in the future. Though it will be a 3 days event (where we will be staying overnight at the site), the very first day will be only indoor activities which is lectures, while the second day is of outdoor activities (workshops, simulated disaster management). The third day, as being told, will be on the organization, mission and plans for the 2 years ahead of MER-C.
For me, this is really a short course on disaster management, compare to Summer Course of "Training of International Young Professionals in Disaster Medicine and Management" organize by CIMSA and UGM which will take 2 weeks time. Thus, I seriously don't think that it gonna be a real disaster management course but a basic exposure of emergency first aid. It was to my surprise that there were many MER-C members over there didn't seem to be interested and eager in joining such an activity. I'm not quite sure if they acting so due to the payment needed (Rp 50k), not interested or fear of really getting into some physical injuries (as we are required to sign a consent letter, stating that we will be fully responsible for our safety), but isn't that is what MER-C all about? Helping people in any way that we could? Isn't that is the reason why you guys choose to join MER-C? Because of the noble existence of it for rendering hands to people who in great need of it without asking for something in return? I really couldn't understand what was in their mind on that particular time, for making them behave in such a way...
Anyway, I am quite looking forward for that day to come, though it will be on the next day of a tiring day of mine, block examination day............
Monday, 15 March 2010
Circumcision again ~
Well... up to today, I've been through 3 times of circumcision events whereby my very first exposure was during my early 2nd semester (Block 1.4). My tutor who is an urologist was involved in a mass circumcision at Klaten (if not mistaken). I still remember vividly that on that particular day, after my tutorial session, he asked if anyone of us were interested in following him to a circumcision event. Of course, all of us were very excited and raised up our hands almost instantly. I can still recall that, I was so anxious as I did not bring along my lab coat on that day which was deemed to be necessary (which ended up not being used at all!). I was lucky that Wen Mei did have her friend lab coat with her and willing to borrow me, at that particular time... I would not have forgive myself if I were to miss this opportunity simply because of that !! Anyway, that very first experience of mine being into the field was not very interesting after all as my task over there was just washing the used instruments and being the operator's nurse. I was not given any chance to be the first assistant as anyone else, except Laili, as a CO-ASS's assistant, right before we left the site. (She was the only one who stayed and helped out the operator among us)
The second one was held by BEM (Badan Eksekutif Mahasiswa) of UGM at Graha Sabha Pramana. We were required to register with a payment of Rp 15k, to BEM, and were promised to be assigned as first assistant on that particular day (22th of November 2009). Special lecture on circumcision (12th of November 2009) and selection (15th of November 2009) were being conducted prior to the event, so-called to prepare us for the day. I must say that their management was real sucks as first, they demand to have another day for briefing, even after the suggestion from doctors in-charge to settle it on that day itself (we were told to attend a meeting with the doctors and will be brief on the flow of the event, which turn out to be a chit-chat forum, as things discussed were who to prepare the drugs and wound management, how to set up the room, which obviously, none of our business, but the BEM!!), second, the so-called briefing which was "postponed" from the first meeting, on purpose (for their preparation) was delayed by 1 hour !! That's not the worst part as even with the postponed and delayed, we were still not being assigned to which table that we should perform the operation on !! And, we don't even know how the flow will be like, despite the fact that, the day after that was the circumcision day !! You call this management ??!!! All that we got to know from that time-wasting briefing was the outfit for the day. Oh god, what a great briefing !! Well, guess what ??!!! That was still not the worst part as when the day finally came, which is 20th of November, we, who were told and assured that WILL BE FIRST ASSISTANTS turn out to be.... OBSERVERS !! What the.... and, some of my friends who passed the selection were not having their names on the bed numbers !! This is what you get from BEM, a body that has full control over all the faculty activities and as chief of the student committee? No wonder this faculty never did anything great nor show improvements.
Well, as that was my 2nd time as an observer, I was very focus and concentrating on how they perform the circumcision. To my surprise, the operation room was full of yelling and crying which I barely remember that I had experienced that during my first exposure. As far as I could remember, the cries only came from injection (of anesthetic). I supposed that they were not competent in injecting the lidocaine after all, and tend to ignore the pain suffered by those pitiful children. Furthermore, operation which should takes approximately 15~20mins was prolonged to 30~45mins !! The effect of anesthetic will subside okay, my fellow doctors and CO-ASSes !! Please either speed up or give another dose of lidocaine to reduce the pain suffered okay? They do not deserve all these !! What got on my nerve was that, some "empathy-less + heartless" doctors even played with the wound and saying that it was not painful at all but the children were panic and could not differentiate tactile and pain (lidocaine will cause painless but will not remove the tactile sensation. Hey, docs, it was very obvious that it was an unbearable pain, instead of sense of touch okay? The child never cried even during injection and half way of incision. Furthermore, the body language shown was clearly indicating that he was under intense PAIN !! Why would he do so when he can actually stand the pain of injection and show no sign of pain at all during incision? Think again, OKAY??!!! I guess this 2nd exposure of mine was merely to demonstrate what should not be done and why should one speed up, as fast as he/she can (of course, with safety precaution and consideration) during the procedure.
The third one, which is the most recent one, happened on the 27th of December 2009, held by MER-C, was the most successful and yet fruitful + meaningful one, though this is also the most expensive one :p costing me Rp 400k for the whole process, which were minor surgery & circumcision lecture plus with selection on the day itself (13th of December 2009), circumcision event (27th of December 2009) and lastly, control of circumcision candidates (30th of December 2009) where we remove the bandage applied, inspect for possible infections, management of infections, if any and, education for further wound care. Well... this is my very first time become an assistance cum operator, and as well my very first time feeling so depressed and had made myself looked real terrible......
For this and only for this event, let's go abit detail on it as it really means alot to me and I would not have forget what happened throughout this event. On the 13th of December, a lecture on minor surgery and circumcision was conducted at Radiopoetro building, 1st floor lecture hall. We were provided with a CD (contain video of circumcision and lecture slides) and a booklet about minor surgery and circumcision. I find it particularly useful as those materials contain lots of information which were not taught during Skills Lab and previous circumcision lecture (held by BEM). In addition, the lecture and practical session were both conducted by urology residents or urologist, instead of general practitioner as in the previous one. They are, of more skillful and knowledgeable than a GP, of course. Lecture, was not much a difference than the usual one, BUT, the practical session was a total fruitful one. Perhaps it might be due to the fact that I have yet to attend a minor surgery and circumcision Skills Lab sessions, on that particular time, I found it exceptionally fruitful and yet meaningful. I was under the instruction of Dr Akhmad, who is a urology resident, during that practical session. Well, I guess I was too confident towards myself and had been overestimated my ability on circumcision, I tend to focus on minor surgery which will not be assessed for selection. I had not been practicing it, for even once on a manikin, for my entire life (on that particular time), before being assessed by my instructor. Yup, I can say that I was the only one who able to master all of the minor surgery skills taught, but also at the same time, screwed myself up in circumcision skills, unaware. I have totally forgotten that 'doing it' is totally different with 'seeing it'. I was not able to perform simulated circumcision in proper manner and within the time frame. I was so tense by that particular moment and the feeling just gone worse when hearing that they will only select the best 10 candidates for the up-coming event as a result of lacking candidates to be circumcised. Wow... I'm really screwed !!
However, to my surprise, I received a message from Syifa, committee member of the event, on date 22nd of December, stating that I've been selected as the best 10 out of around 50 candidates. Honestly, I was like, how should I describe it? The feeling was something like winning a lottery. For me, that was an event that I would never wanna miss, and yet, I have succeed !! I could never imagined what would I feel if were to told that I've failed, though they did promise that for those who did not manage to join the event will be prioritize in the coming event. I was so so so lucky !! But yet, I did not perform well during the event. This fact really killing me, even until today. The feeling of depressed still remains deep within me...
On that day, 27th of December, we gathered at the headquarter of MER-C, waiting for departure, early at 7am. The journey took around an hour to reach an house estate, where we could see lots of kids waiting just in front of a mosque (our operation room), with the company of their parents, facilitators and... Spongebob and Minnie !! Cool~ After settled down, we got our hands washed and be prepared for the operation. I was the first assistant to a doctor who performed the first operation, as a live demonstration. Then, it followed by me, being the next operator. I swear that I was paying full, 100% concentration when being the assistant, but somehow, I failed to do the anesthesia. I had directly caused the kid to have suffered from unnecessary infiltration method of injection (as my blocking method failed). Furthermore, such a failure had also caused the lost of opportunity of my groupmates to perform anesthetic for following candidates. It was then follow by yet, another mistake where I had mistakenly cut the prepuce too laterally !! Second chance were given but yet I still can do such a silly mistake !! Well... it's time for the doctor to take over and I'm, again, becoming his first assistant. What the heck was I've been doing?
It was over and over again, I've been seizing the chance to have hands-on experience again, by being others' first assistant, hoping that one of them would give me a chance to hold the scissor or even... the needle. But, none of them were to give me such a chance, except the last girl, my senior of Inter Program. That was also due that I've been asking for a chance to sew the wound (anyway, the girl was really a nice person as she was wondering when will it be my turn to be operator as she aware that I've not been operating at all. She might have lost her chance to be operator if I were to be the operator when she was actually asking if I wanna take over the kid, not knowing that that kid was the last one). Well, I can't blame anyone, can I? It was my fault to have made so many mistakes and even though this have not been happened, I don't think I will give others to take over my role as an operator simply like that. This is a chance that not many people would have possessed !! BUT, even that, I still could make another mistake by cutting off the thread at the frenulum part mistakenly !! I was told to finish up the left part of the penis, both excision and closing the wound, AND BEWARE OF CUTTING THE THREAD at frenulum. I'm really a total failure !! I guess the doctor must be really tense and disappointed for what I've done, after being given so many chances. Anyway, just to share the feeling of cutting and sewing a real human skin, it was alot harder than I thought, much harder than a manikin. The mucosa was real thin and can be easily pass through by the needle, but not the skin. Perhaps this is of individual and it happens that I was cutting a hard one. Who knows? Except one has been excising skin for few times :p Whew... I guess I was really lucky enough to be under the supervision of those 2 instructors. I guess I did not mention that out of 10 of us, 8 of us were of under Dr Akhmad, and the instructor who supervise us during the event was the only one who gave the opportunity to all 4 of us to perform all the procedure (whereby other doctors were only allow them to sew up the wound or excise prepuce only).
Lastly, is the control event. Interestingly, this is my first time ever travel by ambulance, which was also my first time ever pushing a vehicle, first time ever pushing an ambulance, and first time ever seeing an ambulance break down :p Such event took place at another mosque nearby where we were given the task to remove the bandage applied 3 days before and inspect if any infections suspected. Though the procedure seems to be quite an easy one, but can be really difficult when doing it as the kids now are no longer under anesthesia and the removal can be really painful, especially if the bandage is tightly adhered to the wound. I was partner with another guy who was my former groupmate (during the circumcision), and was the second operator. Well... what can I say? I was truly being lucky to be the second as the condition of the first kid was alot complicated than the second one. Most of the bandage was tightly adhered to the wound. In addition, the kid was no giving full cooperation, compare to the second one, who was requesting to keep the bandage as it was due to the intense pain. It eventually ended up with the kid removing the bandage himself, risking his penis to infection as he was not gloved. Ya, another interesting story to share here : My partner actually said that he will use ALCOHOL to disinfect the wound, follow by BETADINE, so there won't be a problem of infection when I requesting him to hand the kid a pincet, instead of using his hand !! What a surprising answer !!! Didn't he know that alcohol can worsen the condition of wound and Betadine will delay the healing process of the wound? Besides, no one can stand being applied with Betadine on one's wound, not to mention, using an alcohol !! Well... just as expected, the kid cried once the Betadine was dropped on his wound (I rejected his request to use the alcohol by handling him only Betadine. Imagine what will happen if the kid was clean with alcohol !!). As for my patient, it was so coincidence that he was my last patient during the circumcision too. Adhesion was not that bad for him and was successfully being removed without much complication, of course, with his full cooperation.
Well... that was basically what happened during my third exposure to circumcision. It's undeniable that I've gained lots of knowledge and experience through this event. I'm definitely need to strengthen my skills in circumcision, as well as in other skills so that pain / uncomfortable sensation could be minimized, besides reducing unnecessary trauma to the patients, as what happened to my very first patient...
personal comment : Way of organizing and managing the event of MER-C was way better than of BEM and due to that reason, I've get myself registered as a MER-C volunteer on the 4th of March 2010 :p
The second one was held by BEM (Badan Eksekutif Mahasiswa) of UGM at Graha Sabha Pramana. We were required to register with a payment of Rp 15k, to BEM, and were promised to be assigned as first assistant on that particular day (22th of November 2009). Special lecture on circumcision (12th of November 2009) and selection (15th of November 2009) were being conducted prior to the event, so-called to prepare us for the day. I must say that their management was real sucks as first, they demand to have another day for briefing, even after the suggestion from doctors in-charge to settle it on that day itself (we were told to attend a meeting with the doctors and will be brief on the flow of the event, which turn out to be a chit-chat forum, as things discussed were who to prepare the drugs and wound management, how to set up the room, which obviously, none of our business, but the BEM!!), second, the so-called briefing which was "postponed" from the first meeting, on purpose (for their preparation) was delayed by 1 hour !! That's not the worst part as even with the postponed and delayed, we were still not being assigned to which table that we should perform the operation on !! And, we don't even know how the flow will be like, despite the fact that, the day after that was the circumcision day !! You call this management ??!!! All that we got to know from that time-wasting briefing was the outfit for the day. Oh god, what a great briefing !! Well, guess what ??!!! That was still not the worst part as when the day finally came, which is 20th of November, we, who were told and assured that WILL BE FIRST ASSISTANTS turn out to be.... OBSERVERS !! What the.... and, some of my friends who passed the selection were not having their names on the bed numbers !! This is what you get from BEM, a body that has full control over all the faculty activities and as chief of the student committee? No wonder this faculty never did anything great nor show improvements.
Well, as that was my 2nd time as an observer, I was very focus and concentrating on how they perform the circumcision. To my surprise, the operation room was full of yelling and crying which I barely remember that I had experienced that during my first exposure. As far as I could remember, the cries only came from injection (of anesthetic). I supposed that they were not competent in injecting the lidocaine after all, and tend to ignore the pain suffered by those pitiful children. Furthermore, operation which should takes approximately 15~20mins was prolonged to 30~45mins !! The effect of anesthetic will subside okay, my fellow doctors and CO-ASSes !! Please either speed up or give another dose of lidocaine to reduce the pain suffered okay? They do not deserve all these !! What got on my nerve was that, some "empathy-less + heartless" doctors even played with the wound and saying that it was not painful at all but the children were panic and could not differentiate tactile and pain (lidocaine will cause painless but will not remove the tactile sensation. Hey, docs, it was very obvious that it was an unbearable pain, instead of sense of touch okay? The child never cried even during injection and half way of incision. Furthermore, the body language shown was clearly indicating that he was under intense PAIN !! Why would he do so when he can actually stand the pain of injection and show no sign of pain at all during incision? Think again, OKAY??!!! I guess this 2nd exposure of mine was merely to demonstrate what should not be done and why should one speed up, as fast as he/she can (of course, with safety precaution and consideration) during the procedure.
The third one, which is the most recent one, happened on the 27th of December 2009, held by MER-C, was the most successful and yet fruitful + meaningful one, though this is also the most expensive one :p costing me Rp 400k for the whole process, which were minor surgery & circumcision lecture plus with selection on the day itself (13th of December 2009), circumcision event (27th of December 2009) and lastly, control of circumcision candidates (30th of December 2009) where we remove the bandage applied, inspect for possible infections, management of infections, if any and, education for further wound care. Well... this is my very first time become an assistance cum operator, and as well my very first time feeling so depressed and had made myself looked real terrible......
For this and only for this event, let's go abit detail on it as it really means alot to me and I would not have forget what happened throughout this event. On the 13th of December, a lecture on minor surgery and circumcision was conducted at Radiopoetro building, 1st floor lecture hall. We were provided with a CD (contain video of circumcision and lecture slides) and a booklet about minor surgery and circumcision. I find it particularly useful as those materials contain lots of information which were not taught during Skills Lab and previous circumcision lecture (held by BEM). In addition, the lecture and practical session were both conducted by urology residents or urologist, instead of general practitioner as in the previous one. They are, of more skillful and knowledgeable than a GP, of course. Lecture, was not much a difference than the usual one, BUT, the practical session was a total fruitful one. Perhaps it might be due to the fact that I have yet to attend a minor surgery and circumcision Skills Lab sessions, on that particular time, I found it exceptionally fruitful and yet meaningful. I was under the instruction of Dr Akhmad, who is a urology resident, during that practical session. Well, I guess I was too confident towards myself and had been overestimated my ability on circumcision, I tend to focus on minor surgery which will not be assessed for selection. I had not been practicing it, for even once on a manikin, for my entire life (on that particular time), before being assessed by my instructor. Yup, I can say that I was the only one who able to master all of the minor surgery skills taught, but also at the same time, screwed myself up in circumcision skills, unaware. I have totally forgotten that 'doing it' is totally different with 'seeing it'. I was not able to perform simulated circumcision in proper manner and within the time frame. I was so tense by that particular moment and the feeling just gone worse when hearing that they will only select the best 10 candidates for the up-coming event as a result of lacking candidates to be circumcised. Wow... I'm really screwed !!
However, to my surprise, I received a message from Syifa, committee member of the event, on date 22nd of December, stating that I've been selected as the best 10 out of around 50 candidates. Honestly, I was like, how should I describe it? The feeling was something like winning a lottery. For me, that was an event that I would never wanna miss, and yet, I have succeed !! I could never imagined what would I feel if were to told that I've failed, though they did promise that for those who did not manage to join the event will be prioritize in the coming event. I was so so so lucky !! But yet, I did not perform well during the event. This fact really killing me, even until today. The feeling of depressed still remains deep within me...
On that day, 27th of December, we gathered at the headquarter of MER-C, waiting for departure, early at 7am. The journey took around an hour to reach an house estate, where we could see lots of kids waiting just in front of a mosque (our operation room), with the company of their parents, facilitators and... Spongebob and Minnie !! Cool~ After settled down, we got our hands washed and be prepared for the operation. I was the first assistant to a doctor who performed the first operation, as a live demonstration. Then, it followed by me, being the next operator. I swear that I was paying full, 100% concentration when being the assistant, but somehow, I failed to do the anesthesia. I had directly caused the kid to have suffered from unnecessary infiltration method of injection (as my blocking method failed). Furthermore, such a failure had also caused the lost of opportunity of my groupmates to perform anesthetic for following candidates. It was then follow by yet, another mistake where I had mistakenly cut the prepuce too laterally !! Second chance were given but yet I still can do such a silly mistake !! Well... it's time for the doctor to take over and I'm, again, becoming his first assistant. What the heck was I've been doing?
It was over and over again, I've been seizing the chance to have hands-on experience again, by being others' first assistant, hoping that one of them would give me a chance to hold the scissor or even... the needle. But, none of them were to give me such a chance, except the last girl, my senior of Inter Program. That was also due that I've been asking for a chance to sew the wound (anyway, the girl was really a nice person as she was wondering when will it be my turn to be operator as she aware that I've not been operating at all. She might have lost her chance to be operator if I were to be the operator when she was actually asking if I wanna take over the kid, not knowing that that kid was the last one). Well, I can't blame anyone, can I? It was my fault to have made so many mistakes and even though this have not been happened, I don't think I will give others to take over my role as an operator simply like that. This is a chance that not many people would have possessed !! BUT, even that, I still could make another mistake by cutting off the thread at the frenulum part mistakenly !! I was told to finish up the left part of the penis, both excision and closing the wound, AND BEWARE OF CUTTING THE THREAD at frenulum. I'm really a total failure !! I guess the doctor must be really tense and disappointed for what I've done, after being given so many chances. Anyway, just to share the feeling of cutting and sewing a real human skin, it was alot harder than I thought, much harder than a manikin. The mucosa was real thin and can be easily pass through by the needle, but not the skin. Perhaps this is of individual and it happens that I was cutting a hard one. Who knows? Except one has been excising skin for few times :p Whew... I guess I was really lucky enough to be under the supervision of those 2 instructors. I guess I did not mention that out of 10 of us, 8 of us were of under Dr Akhmad, and the instructor who supervise us during the event was the only one who gave the opportunity to all 4 of us to perform all the procedure (whereby other doctors were only allow them to sew up the wound or excise prepuce only).
Lastly, is the control event. Interestingly, this is my first time ever travel by ambulance, which was also my first time ever pushing a vehicle, first time ever pushing an ambulance, and first time ever seeing an ambulance break down :p Such event took place at another mosque nearby where we were given the task to remove the bandage applied 3 days before and inspect if any infections suspected. Though the procedure seems to be quite an easy one, but can be really difficult when doing it as the kids now are no longer under anesthesia and the removal can be really painful, especially if the bandage is tightly adhered to the wound. I was partner with another guy who was my former groupmate (during the circumcision), and was the second operator. Well... what can I say? I was truly being lucky to be the second as the condition of the first kid was alot complicated than the second one. Most of the bandage was tightly adhered to the wound. In addition, the kid was no giving full cooperation, compare to the second one, who was requesting to keep the bandage as it was due to the intense pain. It eventually ended up with the kid removing the bandage himself, risking his penis to infection as he was not gloved. Ya, another interesting story to share here : My partner actually said that he will use ALCOHOL to disinfect the wound, follow by BETADINE, so there won't be a problem of infection when I requesting him to hand the kid a pincet, instead of using his hand !! What a surprising answer !!! Didn't he know that alcohol can worsen the condition of wound and Betadine will delay the healing process of the wound? Besides, no one can stand being applied with Betadine on one's wound, not to mention, using an alcohol !! Well... just as expected, the kid cried once the Betadine was dropped on his wound (I rejected his request to use the alcohol by handling him only Betadine. Imagine what will happen if the kid was clean with alcohol !!). As for my patient, it was so coincidence that he was my last patient during the circumcision too. Adhesion was not that bad for him and was successfully being removed without much complication, of course, with his full cooperation.
Well... that was basically what happened during my third exposure to circumcision. It's undeniable that I've gained lots of knowledge and experience through this event. I'm definitely need to strengthen my skills in circumcision, as well as in other skills so that pain / uncomfortable sensation could be minimized, besides reducing unnecessary trauma to the patients, as what happened to my very first patient...
personal comment : Way of organizing and managing the event of MER-C was way better than of BEM and due to that reason, I've get myself registered as a MER-C volunteer on the 4th of March 2010 :p
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Flash Back ~
I wonder when was the last time that I logged in to my blog to share some of my days here at Yogyakarta... half a year? Or perhaps more than that :p
Well.... many things did happen throughout my stay here, until today. Perhaps, let's start with my so-called academic achievement here... Just as what had been expected, my grades didn't change much throughout those block exams that I've been through. The greatest achievement so far was during my 5th block, which I managed to get an "A" for it. There were times that I felt so frustrated with those barely passed grades, after being struggled for such a long period of time. The situation got worse when seeing people around me who never study but yet managed to pass with good grades. I really wonder if efforts really mean anything to be successful. How come people who has been putting so much efforts in something ended up gaining either nothing or something which others can possess without putting much efforts? Days that I no longer feel like studying and continue my efforts in gaining knowledge were frequent phenomenon during those days. In addition to that, there had yet been cases like people who didn't manage to do well in the exam were given a better score after the admin adjusted the graph, making it easier for some of them to have better grades. This happens few weeks ago whereby due that most of my batch mates who had done badly in the last block of our first year, block 1.6 where somehow, able to get a better grade, after the result being out !! They had announced the grades once, in the announcement board, few weeks before they decided to shift the graph, making more people to have better grades. What kinda university will ever do such a thing !! Changing grades after the result is released?? Why didn't they do so when I got poor grades in 2 of the block exams? So, you see, things can really be beyond your imagination here, especially when it has something to do with me. It's not that I'm being pessimistic or trying to blame anyone, but I guess even the kids also can tell that it's totally UNFAIR, right?!! Why do I always have to suffer all the way? Can't I have this kind of so-called "LUCK" too? It's not that I have not put in any effort on my studies but in fact, I did. But why? Same thing happen to my JPA loan application and Skills Lab assistant application. After I've been struggling so hard to make myself eligible for the application, it turns out that none of us manage to get the loan. Maybe it's simply because I'm applying for that loan as well, causing other not to have any chances for that, just like when I'm taking make-up test for block 1.2. For all the other make-up tests, highest score were "A", except the one I took. Though I'm one of the highest scorer, my grade was "B". I really wonder why must it always be so. Can't there be any room for me to have a better grades? After having pushing myself so hard to achieve that? For JPA loan, I was informed that most of UGM med students will be able to get the loan, but, somehow, all failed during my year. None of us manage to get the loan, even for those who score an CGPA of 4.0!! What happen to this world? I heard that even a daughther of a Dato from Sri Lanka University was able to get the loan but not us, people who really needing the money!! Isn't that loans or scholarships were meant for helping those who has financial difficulties in pursuing his or her studies? What would a daughter of a Dato will be managed to get the loan but not people like us, who come from low or middle class families? And as the Skills Lab assistant, I didn't even get the chance to be interviewed or been through the selection due that my grade was just fulfill the minimum requirement. I guess they were looking for someone who is smarter in studies, not only being skillful. Thus, once again, because of my poor grades, I had lost my chance to be what I wanna be. Honestly, I was really felt despair on that particular period of time. After all I've done, after being so stress in studies, I had now lost everything that keep me moving forward. I had lost my loan, my assistant designation and my 1st honour degree. There is nothing much that I want and could achieve over here. And seeing people gaining things that I was dying for WITHOUT TAKING MUCH EFFORTS, that even driving me crazy. Anyway, life still need to go on, and when I've chosen this path, there is no U-turn for me. I'll need to cope with it, adapt to it, immune to it, which I am still learning to do so. Oh ya, TBMM was yet another thing that I've lost. But what I can't take was that I was lost to a guy who have never study for the tests and had never put any effort on that. I was totally disappointed with their decision to have taken him in as a member but kicking me out, who was so enthusiastic on joining the society. Well, that's fine, as I've no longer having interest in being part of them.
Okay, that's all for the academic stuff....... time for my activities over here :p Well, I have now signed up for skating lesson at Saphir Square Skating School. I have long for this ever since my 1st exposure to skating at Sunway Pyramid. However, signing up at Sunway Skating School was not really possible for me at that particular time as it was quite far from where I'm staying and the fees was real high, higher than a piano lesson !! I glad that the charges here are almost half of what you can get at Sunway Pyramid and most importantly is that, it is of nearby my kost. I had even tried to walk there (1hr walking distance). Perhaps, when we grown up, our motor system as well as coordination and learning systems are not as good as when we were in younger age. Learning how to skate is indeed a difficult task for me, especially when both of my legs seem to be out of my control. I often find myself unable to have "full" control over my very own legs and that had made my day a total failure. This especially true when seeing those kids around you who can skate really well and able to learn up real fast. Anyway, I will keep myself working on that as I really do not wish to see that I'm giving up AGAIN. It's has always been my biggest regret to have stop my piano and Taekwondo lesson. I would be a talented person if I were to continue my piano course. I guess I was no mature enough to make rational and wise decisions those days.
Well... as it's getting late now, I better get to bed as there will be a minor Skills Lab test tomorrow. Stories will be continued tomorrow...............
Well.... many things did happen throughout my stay here, until today. Perhaps, let's start with my so-called academic achievement here... Just as what had been expected, my grades didn't change much throughout those block exams that I've been through. The greatest achievement so far was during my 5th block, which I managed to get an "A" for it. There were times that I felt so frustrated with those barely passed grades, after being struggled for such a long period of time. The situation got worse when seeing people around me who never study but yet managed to pass with good grades. I really wonder if efforts really mean anything to be successful. How come people who has been putting so much efforts in something ended up gaining either nothing or something which others can possess without putting much efforts? Days that I no longer feel like studying and continue my efforts in gaining knowledge were frequent phenomenon during those days. In addition to that, there had yet been cases like people who didn't manage to do well in the exam were given a better score after the admin adjusted the graph, making it easier for some of them to have better grades. This happens few weeks ago whereby due that most of my batch mates who had done badly in the last block of our first year, block 1.6 where somehow, able to get a better grade, after the result being out !! They had announced the grades once, in the announcement board, few weeks before they decided to shift the graph, making more people to have better grades. What kinda university will ever do such a thing !! Changing grades after the result is released?? Why didn't they do so when I got poor grades in 2 of the block exams? So, you see, things can really be beyond your imagination here, especially when it has something to do with me. It's not that I'm being pessimistic or trying to blame anyone, but I guess even the kids also can tell that it's totally UNFAIR, right?!! Why do I always have to suffer all the way? Can't I have this kind of so-called "LUCK" too? It's not that I have not put in any effort on my studies but in fact, I did. But why? Same thing happen to my JPA loan application and Skills Lab assistant application. After I've been struggling so hard to make myself eligible for the application, it turns out that none of us manage to get the loan. Maybe it's simply because I'm applying for that loan as well, causing other not to have any chances for that, just like when I'm taking make-up test for block 1.2. For all the other make-up tests, highest score were "A", except the one I took. Though I'm one of the highest scorer, my grade was "B". I really wonder why must it always be so. Can't there be any room for me to have a better grades? After having pushing myself so hard to achieve that? For JPA loan, I was informed that most of UGM med students will be able to get the loan, but, somehow, all failed during my year. None of us manage to get the loan, even for those who score an CGPA of 4.0!! What happen to this world? I heard that even a daughther of a Dato from Sri Lanka University was able to get the loan but not us, people who really needing the money!! Isn't that loans or scholarships were meant for helping those who has financial difficulties in pursuing his or her studies? What would a daughter of a Dato will be managed to get the loan but not people like us, who come from low or middle class families? And as the Skills Lab assistant, I didn't even get the chance to be interviewed or been through the selection due that my grade was just fulfill the minimum requirement. I guess they were looking for someone who is smarter in studies, not only being skillful. Thus, once again, because of my poor grades, I had lost my chance to be what I wanna be. Honestly, I was really felt despair on that particular period of time. After all I've done, after being so stress in studies, I had now lost everything that keep me moving forward. I had lost my loan, my assistant designation and my 1st honour degree. There is nothing much that I want and could achieve over here. And seeing people gaining things that I was dying for WITHOUT TAKING MUCH EFFORTS, that even driving me crazy. Anyway, life still need to go on, and when I've chosen this path, there is no U-turn for me. I'll need to cope with it, adapt to it, immune to it, which I am still learning to do so. Oh ya, TBMM was yet another thing that I've lost. But what I can't take was that I was lost to a guy who have never study for the tests and had never put any effort on that. I was totally disappointed with their decision to have taken him in as a member but kicking me out, who was so enthusiastic on joining the society. Well, that's fine, as I've no longer having interest in being part of them.
Okay, that's all for the academic stuff....... time for my activities over here :p Well, I have now signed up for skating lesson at Saphir Square Skating School. I have long for this ever since my 1st exposure to skating at Sunway Pyramid. However, signing up at Sunway Skating School was not really possible for me at that particular time as it was quite far from where I'm staying and the fees was real high, higher than a piano lesson !! I glad that the charges here are almost half of what you can get at Sunway Pyramid and most importantly is that, it is of nearby my kost. I had even tried to walk there (1hr walking distance). Perhaps, when we grown up, our motor system as well as coordination and learning systems are not as good as when we were in younger age. Learning how to skate is indeed a difficult task for me, especially when both of my legs seem to be out of my control. I often find myself unable to have "full" control over my very own legs and that had made my day a total failure. This especially true when seeing those kids around you who can skate really well and able to learn up real fast. Anyway, I will keep myself working on that as I really do not wish to see that I'm giving up AGAIN. It's has always been my biggest regret to have stop my piano and Taekwondo lesson. I would be a talented person if I were to continue my piano course. I guess I was no mature enough to make rational and wise decisions those days.
Well... as it's getting late now, I better get to bed as there will be a minor Skills Lab test tomorrow. Stories will be continued tomorrow...............
Sunday, 3 May 2009
An ‘Upside-down’ Era
There have been times that I really wonder if there is still any justice, fairness in this world of today. As what we observed from the dramas and movies, bad guys always win the world while good guys always die, with some, in a horrible, torturing way. Though in the end, those bad guys do get their karma, but compare to those good guys, they tend to have rather light punishments or die in a fast, painless way. What I’m trying to say here is, the world nowadays is as much as portraits in the movies. Every single day, the newspaper is nothing but just full of violent murders, rapes, robes and so on crimes, but the sad thing is the bad guys will never get caught or at least, the crimes never go down. Recently, there are few people that I know have passed away, either due to illnesses or accidents. As far as I know, they did not commit any crimes in their entire life, instead, they have been spending their lifetime rendering helps to those in need, but sadly, they could not live longer that they should be. I wonder what the reasons behind all these stories are. Why those bad people like criminals and my deceive agents are not only blessed with longevity but also a luxurious life? In addition to that, people who work like a cow are still remain poor but those rich people who do absolutely nothing but making profits out of others hard works are getting more and more rich. Is all these should be happening?
“Attention to all JPA students, please reclaim your money back for the following reasons : Hospital, KITAS and Remedial. All you need to do is just fill up the form and submit it up to the representatives. We are all here for you.” Honestly, I really feel like whacking up the idiotic government for offering such a privilege to the JPA students. I understand that the allowance for hospital staying and KITAS are part of the scholarship coverage but is REMEDIAL also part of the coverage ??!!! This is way too much !! A student also need to make up his/her result as a consequence of NOT STUDYING HARD ENOUGH but by giving such a privilege, isn’t it mean that it is absolutely okay for you to fail your 1st test and make up for it in the future and it won’t cost you a single cent? What on earth is JPA thinking all these while? Are they nuts or they are just an idiot? Giving scholarship blindly, not according to the needs is already intolerable where those JPA students spend as if everything comes in free, buying motorcycles, cars, visiting Bandung, Jakarta, Surabaya, heading for expensive meals, clubbing, pooling, skating, movies and so on, more like having an vacation here than studying, simply because everything is absolutely ‘free of charge’ and now, even make-up tests are free !! I know every single cent they spend here is something fall from the sky but shouldn’t they save it for more beneficial things, like buying medical equipments, for parents’ flight and better life in Malaysia, helping the poor and so on? Scholarship is meant to help those needy with well academic performances so as to achieve their dreams and serve the community in the future, right? But now, it’s more like giving it blindly, without further study if one really needs the money, for instance, MinDef scholarship. They are giving it to a guy who comes from a doctor family !! Okay, maybe he is good in academic achievement but you know what? He achievement is nothing compare to other candidates !! So, a guy with lower achievement and comes from a wealthy family won the scholarship simply because his father is a doctor. So, it is all about interviewers’ perception on giving off the scholarship, not according to the needs or academic achievement, after all !! What a great news !! So, in order to win a scholarship, one should start study about how to win the interviewers’ hearts, rather than studying hard. When I heard that he won the scholarship, I really feel pity to the other girl who is raise up only by her mothers who still has few children to be taken care of. She is so desperate on the scholarship and tried real hard to win the scholarship by putting in efforts on studies but end up losing to a doctor’s son !! What a poor girl~
Haih~ I wonder how the world gonna turn out to be in the near future. Everything is just upside-down and the situation is worsening every single second, with the bad guys win all the battle. Good Samaritans are getting lesser and lesser nowadays and I guess the only reason for that is, why should we be good as being evil is easier, better and will eventually becoming wealthier and more powerful. World nowadays is just losing hope………………………………
“Attention to all JPA students, please reclaim your money back for the following reasons : Hospital, KITAS and Remedial. All you need to do is just fill up the form and submit it up to the representatives. We are all here for you.” Honestly, I really feel like whacking up the idiotic government for offering such a privilege to the JPA students. I understand that the allowance for hospital staying and KITAS are part of the scholarship coverage but is REMEDIAL also part of the coverage ??!!! This is way too much !! A student also need to make up his/her result as a consequence of NOT STUDYING HARD ENOUGH but by giving such a privilege, isn’t it mean that it is absolutely okay for you to fail your 1st test and make up for it in the future and it won’t cost you a single cent? What on earth is JPA thinking all these while? Are they nuts or they are just an idiot? Giving scholarship blindly, not according to the needs is already intolerable where those JPA students spend as if everything comes in free, buying motorcycles, cars, visiting Bandung, Jakarta, Surabaya, heading for expensive meals, clubbing, pooling, skating, movies and so on, more like having an vacation here than studying, simply because everything is absolutely ‘free of charge’ and now, even make-up tests are free !! I know every single cent they spend here is something fall from the sky but shouldn’t they save it for more beneficial things, like buying medical equipments, for parents’ flight and better life in Malaysia, helping the poor and so on? Scholarship is meant to help those needy with well academic performances so as to achieve their dreams and serve the community in the future, right? But now, it’s more like giving it blindly, without further study if one really needs the money, for instance, MinDef scholarship. They are giving it to a guy who comes from a doctor family !! Okay, maybe he is good in academic achievement but you know what? He achievement is nothing compare to other candidates !! So, a guy with lower achievement and comes from a wealthy family won the scholarship simply because his father is a doctor. So, it is all about interviewers’ perception on giving off the scholarship, not according to the needs or academic achievement, after all !! What a great news !! So, in order to win a scholarship, one should start study about how to win the interviewers’ hearts, rather than studying hard. When I heard that he won the scholarship, I really feel pity to the other girl who is raise up only by her mothers who still has few children to be taken care of. She is so desperate on the scholarship and tried real hard to win the scholarship by putting in efforts on studies but end up losing to a doctor’s son !! What a poor girl~
Haih~ I wonder how the world gonna turn out to be in the near future. Everything is just upside-down and the situation is worsening every single second, with the bad guys win all the battle. Good Samaritans are getting lesser and lesser nowadays and I guess the only reason for that is, why should we be good as being evil is easier, better and will eventually becoming wealthier and more powerful. World nowadays is just losing hope………………………………
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