Friday Funny

Disclaimer: I did not write this, but I loved it and had to share.


If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!


When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tearswith their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walkingtwenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,there was no way in hell I was going to laya bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!



But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty,I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something,we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!



There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter ...with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!



Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!


We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!


When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed! Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!


And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ..imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.


That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!


For everyone who was interested in the moth food from the post below.....here is the recipe, per my 8 year old son:
"Take overripe fruit and smash it all up. Put lots of sugar and some fruit juice in it and mix it all together."
I have not seen any moths eating it yet, just a couple of yellow jackets.....

Friday Funny

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.



'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'



Confused, the father asked what was wrong.



The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the "There's no Easter Bunny'speech.

At seven, I got the "There's no Tooth Fairy' Speech.

When I was eight, you hit me with the "There's no Santa' speech.



If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.'







Have a wonderful and safe Friday...and if you live in the states.....have a wonderful and safe 4th of July!!!

Friday Funny

Enjoy and have a great Friday!!!

Friday Funny

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

Have a great Friday!!!

Friday Funny

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself.

Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"

Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."

Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

Maxine: "No, they spread."

Have a wonderful Friday!!!

Friday Funny

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.


'Why so little?' she asked the pet store owner.



The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'



The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
'New house, new Madam.'


The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that's really not so bad.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said,
'New house, new Madam, new Girls.'



The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,

“Hi Keith!”



Have a wonderful Friday.

Friday Funny

This a Public Service Announcement for all you...because I really like you!!! The weather is warming up and most of us will be seeking our summer glow. You probably think that skin cancer is a worry, the depleted ozone layer is a worry, the environmental toxins are a worry. Well, yes all the above are worries, but I found something even worse to worry about......Ladies take heed....Gentlemen, please warn your wives....

DON'T SUNBATHE IN THE NUDE

Have a great Friday!!!

Friday Funny

In case you missed it. Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.The winners are:




1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.



2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arsehole.



3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.



4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.



5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.



6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.



7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.



8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.



9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.



10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.



11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)



12. Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes, and it's a serious bummer.



13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.



14. Glibido: All talk and no action.



15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.



16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.



17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.



18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.





Have a great Friday!!!

Friday Funny

Have a wonderful Friday!!

Friday Funny

In its January 22, 2008 edition, the Quebec City newspaper, Le Soleil, had a topic about generations by age group. Generations are grouped as follows:

- The Silent generation, people born before 1945.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961.

- Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1976.

- Generation Y, people born between 1977 and 2000.

For the last one, one can ask why Y?... A caricaturist explains it eloquently below...

Friday Funny History

As most of you know I usually post a joke on Fridays and call it my Friday Funny. Ironically I did not post one this past Friday, for reasons unknown to me until this morning.

Three years ago a very dear friend of mine had a reoccurrence of her breast cancer. It was a small tumor and radiation was her only treatment and it worked, for awhile. A year later it was back, but in multiple areas. I will never forget the phone call she made to me telling me. I asked her what I could do for her and she said, "Just make me laugh."

So that is what I did. I found jokes and wrote them in cards and mailed them to her. My goal was to mail one to her every week. Sometimes she recieved more than one a week, sometimes a week and a half or two weeks would go by before I sent one off. She loved them. It meant so much to her to recieve a hand written card. For 2 years I sent her jokes.

When I started blogging I incorporated this into my Friday Funny. Most of the jokes I sent to my friend I also posted here. Last Friday was the first Friday that I did not post a joke.

My friend passed away this morning at 5 am. She died peacefully at home in her own bed with her husband and sons and family present. I will miss her terribly, she was a truly special woman.

I will continue my Friday Funnies in her honor...she would have loved to see everyone laughing.

Friday Funny

Allow me to translate for you:


If yur (your) name is momy (mommy) than u (you) sud (should) keep out. Do not ckom (come) in.



Notice the drawings on the door....he is a muralist in the making!!! This was during his train phase.....he has since moved on to insects and dinosaurs...and you wonder why we have not painted his room yet!! No need, he drawing murals on the walls!!



Anyway....back to the love note....


I found this little love note on my son's bedroom door one day when he was 4 years old. Apparently I really made him mad, which of course I would never do!!! (please refer to this post) He was so mad that he went into his room and wrote this note and stuck it on his door. I can only assume that the smiley faces were added to ease any anger I would feel when reading the note....."I was only kidding Mommy...see the happy faces!!"



I saw the note and immediately started laughing and grabbed my camera....this was pre blogging days too!!! Later that night when I was tucking him into bed, the note was gone. I innocently asked him about it and where it went. This was his response:



"I took it down because you are being nice now."



Funny, 4 years later and I am still being mean when he gets in trouble and still being nice when he is getting his way.....



Have a wonderful Friday!!!

Friday Funny

Why Hank quit hunting!

Saturday morning Hank got up early, put on his long johns, dressed quietly, made his lunch, grabbed his shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and proceeded to backout into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. He pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There he cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in that stuff?"

Have a wonderful Friday!!!!

Friday Funny

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered,

Friday Funny and The Winners!!!!

A man came home from work, sat in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife - "Quick bring me a beer before it starts!" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said - "Quick, bring me another beer, it's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but she brought him another beer. When it was gone he said - "Quick, get me another beer before it starts!" She blows her top - "That's it!! You bastard, you waltz in here, flop your ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave getting you beer after beer. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed and said....."Oh shit, it started!"

Now for the moment you all are waiting for!!!! I asked each member of my family to choose two numbers between 1 and 61 (the number of comments).....did you do the math?? 3 members of my family times 2 equals...yes you got it.....6 winners!!!!

And the winners are.......drum roll please......

Laurie from Three Dog Blog won a box of Thin Mints

Around The Funny Farm won a box of Samoas....she really wanted to win, and let me know a few times!!! You won....and your first post was chosen so you won fair and square, or should I say round because the cookies are round....so I digress....back to the winners...

Irene from Word Lover's Unite won a box of Thin Mints

Alix from DC Days won....you need to choose Alix...lemon or all abouts???

Lisa from Lisa's Chaos won a box of Thin Mints

Nikki from My Husband Calls Me Weird won a box of All Abouts

Congratulations everyone!!! Email me with your address and I will get your cookies in the mail to you (Angela, if you are reading this, please email me you address also so I can mail you your cookies!!)

blessedfamm at comcast dot net

Thanks to everyone who entered the contest......this was fun...and you are saving me from eating all these cookies...sometimes being a Girl Scout Leader is tough!!!!

Friday Funny

The other day my 8 year old son and I had the following conversation:


"Mommy, I am a Peanut Duck." hmm???


He is walking around the house flapping his arms pretending they are wings.


"That is nice honey." I always give positive affirmations even if I don't know what the hell he is talking about!!


"You know what though Mommy?" I am almost afraid to ask...


"No, what honey?"


"It sure is hard to flap your wings when your nuts get in the way."


This is when I turn away and my face gets red because I am trying not to guffaw in his face. Just to clarify, apparently a Peanut Duck holds peanuts in his hands/wings!!


Have a wonderful day!!!

Friday Funny

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Below is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

Have a wonderful weekend!!

Stay tuned.....the first installment of Three Become Four, our second adoption journey is coming this weekend!

Friday Funny and An Award!!

Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you
are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex
has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you
pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

Editor's Note: Of course this doesn't apply to everyone....there are always exceptions to the rules!!!


Now for the award!!

I was given this awesome award by Hootin' Anni!! If you have not had the pleasure of visiting Hootin' Anni...get you butt over there right now!! She is riot and and a Hoot!! You will not regret it, but you may never forgive yourself if you don't visit!!


Now I have the pleasure of passing it forward!!

I hearby bestow this award to these blogging friends:
Such Simple Pleasures - I finally get to give her an award!! Yea!!
Deb from Four Angels Momma
Irene from Word Lovers Unite
Manners and Moxie
Sandy from Myanderings
Alix from DC Days
Nekked Lizard Adventures
Cynthia Dahhling
Bermudabluez
Meg, Just Megnificent

Enjoy and thanks again Anni!!

Friday Funny

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go
'Wee, wee, wee,
all the way home!

Friday Funny

I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years.

We must get the word out

Updates and exciting news!! Another installment of Our Adoption Journey coming this weekend.....another contest coming next week.....stay tuned!!