The Architecture Building

A friend told me not too long ago that he felt that going to Melbourne was a total waste of time. I kept thinking about the reasons that might have pushed him to make such a comment. Ultimately, I felt that the only way I will ever know is if he wanted to tell me. Now, I no longer care for the reason.

It's inconsequential.

Melbourne is a place which is special to me and holds plenty of memories.

Today, as I was on my way to work, the song 'The Prayer' by Andre Bocelli and Celine Dion, started to play. One must be thinking, 'What has the song got to do with anything?' Well, it does. My Ipod was on shuffle mode so I wasn't expecting this song to come on. When it did, I couldn't help but smile to myself. And I bet everyone around me on the bus must have thought I was insane. Hahahahaha. I smiled because it triggered my memory of the last 2 months in Melbourne University. I got to know M through HM and those last 2 months I spent studying with them would be one of those memories that I think I will never ever forget.

Those 2 months was spent mostly holed up in the computer labs/tables located in the Architecture Building - courtesy of HM's 'all-day access pass'. Hahahaha... With computer labs and laptops come the inevitable devil - PROCRASTINATION. I don't know how it all came about but there was 1 night when M decided to 'inform' us that her favourite song was 'The Prayer'. She said she has heard quite a number of versions but she still loved the Andre Bocelli and Celine Dion duet. And she proceeded to let us hear and watch the song on Youtube (it's the devil's tool for procrastination today) by unplugging her earphones. After letting us hear the song, I believe she played it continuously for the rest of the 'study time', because every time I peeked over to look, the video will still be playing.

M, you're amazingly funny and I must say, amazingly capable with the stick shift in that old beat up cars of yours. Hahahaha...

She honestly loves this song to death. Once, while studying, she suddenly asked me if I had the song on my Ipod and I said I did. She proceeded to borrow it to listen to the song. After which, she decided to ask me how to make it repeat non-stop. I did it for her and she went on listening to that song for almost the whole night. She's one 'crazy' girl. But she's my kind of 'crazy'.

After hearing that song today, it brought back fond memories of those times spent holed up in the Architecture Building with those 2 friends for company. I think no words can fully describe the feelings I had during those 2 months. Albeit exams were looming ahead, I think it was comfort and happiness that I received from my time spent with those 2 people.

Q&A

Lately, I've been asking myself a ton of questions which I seem to have no answers for. No matter how hard I search, I can find none.

I'm doubting myself more and more these days. In the past, I've been firm and certain about the decisions I made and about my plans for the future. Now, I've been questioning those very same decisions and plans and I'm beginning to be filled with regrets. Regret is a disease. It can't change the past and yet it affects the present and the future.

Maybe it's as what D's brother said: our generation has too many choices.

When we chose a path and it turns out to be not as we imagine it to be, we are then filled with regret because there were many others to choose from at the start. I feel that one has to be extremely sure of themselves and what they want in order not be filled with regrets. Either that, or they have excellent self-motivational skills. And sad to say, I believe I have none of the above. Hence, my current state of life is filled with regrets.

Well, at this point, I can almost hear my dear friend, D, saying, 'Do you know what you're doing now, Angela? Wallowing in self-pity!! Do you know what to do now? Stop!' He has said this so many times that I can hear it playing in my head whenever a negative thought comes into mind, I start wondering if it's a self-pitying one.

Is it really?? Can't it simply be that I'm unsure of myself and what my future holds?? Can't they just be questions that I'm looking answers for?? Isn't everyone looking for answers in their life??

As for now, I'm still filled with questions that I have no answers for.

Stuck

Emotionally.

Physically.

Psychologically.