Love?

What is love?

Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, it is not pompous,
It is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoingbut rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.


This is today's reading.
It funny how i thought i knew love. but in fact i didn't.
I let so much get in the way of what love really is.
I let myself forget so many things.

I guess the price has already been paid. a price much too high and much too dear.
Life was definately more bearable with her around.
Life was definately brighter and more vibrant.

Its amazing the difference a single soul can make.
The love you can have for a single soul and that love makes it all so different.
So much more worth.
So much more of everything.

Simple put... i really haven't gotten over anything yet...
i thought i had, but all that really happened was that i really buried everything so deep inside.

I'm not brave, i'm really a coward. running from everything. running from the pain.
running from the hurt and running from the sorrow.

Will i ever be brave enough to turn around and face it? i don't know...

If Only

If only's have always been part of my life.
Right now, the biggest "if only" would be : If only i wasn't so stupid and proud, then perhaps things would turn out this way. Then perhaps things would be better and happier....

Do i have a right to these feelings? i don't think so.
I Landed myself here because of my pride and selfishness.
So do i have a right to feel this way?
Do i have a right to want her back?
Do i ever have the right to love her again?

The answer is but a simple word.... It a Big Resounding NO.

Sounds familiar? yup. Been in the same place before... In fact i'm still in the same place.
Trying to get over it? Yes, but the ride isn't a gentle one.

Been having flashes of life recently. the last few days.
Strangely it always has her in it..
How things would be like if only she was still in my life..
Sigh.....