
It's an hour till the new year has finished it's first day. Yeah I know it is normally the day before the new year begins that people take their look back and prepare for the changes they hope to make in the coming year, but well quite frankly I had to finish the year fully before taking the deep breath and first step forward.
I've been playing out what I would write for a while now, the title was the loudest. This past year has been mainly the game of survival. I went through the storms of pregnancy; after the first trimester finally passed I went through the thunder of the second and of course after the thunder comes the lightning. Like a true summer storm it has it's beauty in the darkness. I often felt- frustrated at what I couldn't do, blessed with the ability to do, and confused at the ups and downs and disconnection.
This year was also an Over the Rainbow tornado of life and living space. As we're spinning around with the in's and out's and where who sleeps where I can feel myself becoming lost in the subconsious dreams I can't quite express.
Of course at each moment of almost dispair I'm brought a saving grace.
Like Emily Watts says I need to feel blessed in my "Have To's."
I have to get up each day because I have two beautiful souls in my care.
I have to clean and cook because I have a roof over my head and food to nourish me.
I have to pay bills and live on a budget because I have been given the opportunuity to live in a country where I could get an education and have credit as well as stay home with my little babies.
I have to . . .
This year is about taking the first step on my road- not necessarily a yellow brick road- but my life road for this year. Good or bad, beautiful or frightening storms have their ends and tornados eventually move on giving a person a new view of what they can live through.
To the new year and memories with my beautiful babies!