On the cusp of the new year...

Because I'm such a procrastinatory bastard, I'm actually writing this on the 3rd of January 2011. I meant to do it on the last day of 2010, but as I will explain later, I got too fatigued...

So, on this last day of 2010 I'd actually like to look back on milestone events for the year in review, starting with January. While not commenting on them much, these were the stuff I blogged about, and felt were important.

January

The real test of fire for my budding team of councillors then, signed that silly guanrantorship, earthquake in Haiti. Got me an interview with The New Paper, had a crush on Rain.

February

Awesome Sem 1 results, Singapore Airshow, Dr. Gian Casimir (I must have misheard him and thought he was Israeli) buying me a drink (You're so nice! Please recover from leukaemia!), casino openings, the betrayal of Rain.

March

School events, Marina Barrage. Nothing much in particular.

April

I confessed to Felicia my attraction for her. By far the biggest thing that happened this month. Met councillors from other PEIs. PSB Idol over, Thailand violence, sinking of ROKS Cheonan.

May

Nothing?!?

June

Being around her was fun. Dr. Goh Keng Swee passed away. Awards and Appreciation Ceremony, Felicia, YOG training, gathering with classmates.

July

Cosfest! First cosplay "deployment" as a private military contractor. Inbound student exchange programme. Felicia and I decided to remain friends as it is... I might have saw it coming from the beginning but deluded myself into thinking otherwise. It wouldn't work out.

August

YOG! 5th Aunt's passing. The start of my degree course proper.

September

Stepped down from 4th SC... re-elected to the 5th as President again. *trembles* The journey will be hard.

October

Birthday. Mdm Kwa Geok Choo (Mrs Lee Kuan Yew)'s passing. Feelings of inadequacy.

November

Downtown East slashings, AFAX (second deployment), super busy! I found Aneru/Mana. We maketh fwens backs.

December

North-South Korean hostilities again, holidays, slack and spend, religion. Emo.

Now, excuse reason why I did not post it up as early I should was that I went for a run on the 31st. And 8 chin-ups. Being totally unfit, my body screamed at me to stop from around 600 metres? By 2.5km I was hurting quite a bit. So I stopped. And I ran 14 minutes in that. Golly, I suck. I originally wanted to go out and count down to 2011, but I did not because the fatigue got to me and I felt that I would be a threat on the road if I drove (didn't intend to use public transport). I had wanted to go to the Marina Promontory area, with friends or alone, I didn't care. But I did not, and spend the night at home alternating between my PC and the TV.

Health-wise, apart from short attempts to train up my fitness, inspired in part by her, I think I'm of below-average fitness, since I failed my IPPT sometime in July. My 'fitness programs' all died out due to lack of commitment on my end. So much for being a disciplined person. It has been a bittersweet year... academically I was doing okay, health was average, relationships - first and not too cool, other aspects; learning about leadership. YOG was probably the single most awesome event to have happened to me the whole damn year. :)

And that's all now, signing off (belatedly for 2010... moving on now)!

How time flies.

Reading someone's blog got me back here to write on, something which I've wanted to do in a while but simply too lazy to do so. I think I've neglected (although it is evident) to mention that I've been on my holidays since my last post, and it's less than a week till the end of it.

Firstly, about that someone. As with many other girls in my current course, I find her interesting. She shares similar tastes to me music-wise, although that's probably about it. We're only just accquaintances because I don't really have the guts nor the opportunity (some people might tell me opportunities are created by yourself) to really talk to her in person. That said, I've met a lot of interesting people since the start of my degree course proper and have become close friends with some; this I appreciate a lot. I wonder what the coming days have in store for us all...

Following that, more on what I've been doing since the holidays: A producing-consuming animal, pretty much. Spending money, going out, or pure lazing around at home. Played through the Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty campaign thrice to get achievements (those I deem humanly possible) and read a bit of Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. I also bought Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion for a read to see if my agnostic atheist beliefs could be shored up. Well, going past the preface and Chapter One, I think some of Dawkins' views are quite extreme, although he raises several valid points that I do agree with. I'm now just going into the part where he also dismisses agnosticism as, in summary, fence-sitting. Wonder if any of my Christian friends would like to take a look-see at his ideas, or consider them blasphemy, because I'm quite sure Felicia got the shock of her life when she saw quite the number of publications on the shelf at Kinokuniya debunking the existence of the supreme creationist/interventionist deities of our time. Even though there were books supporting as such on the same shelf as well. At this point in time I believe Dawkins wrote this text as a rallying call for atheists worldwide.

(Disclaimer here: I make this post in no attempt to poke fun or jest at any other faith; this is what I believe in personally and the idea of secularism also appeals to me as well. I sincerely hope my subtlety here will not incite any form of conflict or anything similar otherwise.)

Other notable events include a gathering a Syaz's place for a mind-numbing, thumb-rending 8 hours of Xbox Street Fighter IV + Soul Calibur violence. Fighting games are really not my niche and my hands go stiff and numb after button-bashing and joypad swivelling in an attempt to execute combos after every match. It just ain't my thang, yo. At Joane's behest I also attended her church (youth wing)'s pre-Christmas service. The next day, Felicia dragged me along to her Catholic Mass at The Cathedral of the Good Shepherd (yes, the national monument). Comparing the two services, Joane's one I think was typical (?) of the modern-day megachurch, with worship done through song (aided by modern instruments) and other elements that the youth of today could identify. It was held in an auditorium I never knew existed at Cuppage Plaza, by my estimates the turnout was approximately 200-300, and at least 20 to 30 people converted right on the spot. A short and entertaining skit was put up too, and I had this thought spring into my mind that churches must have been, since ancient times, gathering-places for people and for talent, the faithful who would dedicate their skills to serving the deity of their choice. The Mass at the cathedral was more steepled in tradition, with the bishop (?) leading his congregation in sermon and prayer, that which was accomplished by voice alone. I noticed people of every race turn up, even an African worker who knelt by the door, deep in prayer. Too bad we left before Archbishop Nicholas Chia arrived, I would have been quite curious to see him. An interesting thing I spotted was this man dressed in what seemed like a 19th century British costume of sorts. He wore some medals and even carried a rapier - I wonder if he served any purpose at the Mass...

Other than that I've just been catching up with some pals, and promising others to do so but up till now, have not. Time is running out.

Today, well, city boy me decided to follow Mother on a train ride. Yes, despite my knowledge of certain things, I am humbled when it comes to others areas where I have no expertise in. Yes, we boarded a KTM train and rode it all the way to Johor Bahru Sentral before riding it back with 6th Aunt and Chong Yang. All four of us were first timers (in fact, my first time at the Tanjong Pagar Railway Station - need to go back there and try the food man!) and we didn't have a clue as to where to get tickets, and for what time. Fortunately a kind Malay man who had the schedule explained to us how it worked: we had missed the 0800 train since we arrived at about 1000, so our best bet was to wait for the 1300 ride, buying a S$13 ticket for a 1 hour trip to Johor Bahru (mostly the journey was through Singapore, we probably took less than 10 minutes to cross the Causeway). Excluding the waiting time for security checks and the like on the train at the Woodlands Train Checkpoint. It was an interesting experience I guess, to see never-before seen scenery rush you by like that. Chong Yang and I were trying to figure out where we were as the train made its way to Woodlands.

We arrived at 1400+, and spent a boring 1 hour walking around the mall (seriously, despite the cheap stuff, I guess I'd rather shop in Singapore?) before getting tickets for the 1539 ride back home. This one dragged, and we boarded the train only at about 1615, hitting Woodlands and spending a helluva long time waiting as the K-9 units sniffed the train for contraband. Huge, adorable big dogs they have there... woof! That's when the trouble kicked in. Sentral issued us "free-seating" tickets, which we took to mean any damn part of the train. We failed to realise that there were passengers with assigned seats as well so a little argument flared up. Quickly realising we had to give it up, we stood up and squeezed our way somewhere else. Chong Yang and I "gave up" seats to a Japanese tour group who offered us to sit down, we declined since they were supposed to sit in them anyway. So he and myself stood in the connecting corridor between both carriages - feels just like standing in the same for our very own MRT, just that it's shakier (the train SPED on its way back hahaha) -> Too lazy to walk down the length of the train to find seats, anyway. Cousin and me rationalised the situation, and we came to the conclusion that KTM sucks because they don't have a central ticketing system where all stations know exactly which seats have been assigned, hence Sentral issued us tickets to fill the empty seats wherever and whenever, and was also a factor leading to this small misunderstanding. That said, the Japanese tour leader was kinda cute. And it cost us RM5.00 each for the ticket back.

In the meantime, also, I've fanboyed myself over anime yet again, having discovered the 25th anniversary celebration of the Macross franchise, Macross Frontier. Awesome music, above-average plot, well-designed mecha and good fight scenes (set to the awesome music - composed by Kanno Yoko!) - boy, was it a wonderful journey! Haven't watched anime for at least a year now... but this is good. Finished it in 3 days or so. Mmm... my secondary-school fantasies of "why can't the world be like this" and "I wouldn't mind jumping into a parallel dimension like this" came back. Although these are intangible, I felt these emotions once again... slipping into such thoughts can't do anything for me in the end anyway. *sighs* Quoting a line from Macross Frontier: Are dreams simply as such because they remain as dreams and cannot be fulfilled?

Which brings me to my loneliness and yearning for a significant other. Damnit, am I desperate? I suck lol.

Signing off now, not much more to write I think. Mmm. End of this year soon... And I'm supposed to write up a story featuring my friends. Ugh, procrastinate. Kekeke!

What I've done...(erase myself).

It's been a long long time since I last posted. I've been particularly busy with assignments (churning out a website, and 5300 words' worth of essays, plus a 1600-word interview) lately so I haven't had the leisure to really log on and post (didn't help that I worked only from midnight onwards, I slacked and procrastinated quite a bit too).

Had various council meetings, a chillout time at Pit Stop Cafe at Clarke Quay... Hmm... what else? I don't remember what I wanted to blog about.

I've settled things with Felicia, as far as I'm concerned, I guess. But those memories of good times will always remain with me until the day I lose my mental faculties.

That said, I'm incredibly getting out of inspiration.

I went for STGCC yesterday (Singapore Toy, Game and Comic Convention), we discovered a backdoor route into the place. It's like a scaled down version of AFA with more emphasis on comics rather than anime. Still, anime-figurine shops made their appearances at the booths, together with some military toy figurine retailers, and the like. Cosplayers, well... anime characters seemed to be present in greater numbers than comic book characters - I don't even remember seeing a Batman, or Iron Man for that matter. I didn't cosplay, but I blew $15 buckaroos to spend time with friends and walk the grounds. Made banter with some Movie Mania peeps... the professional costumers they are.

I've spent $109 on Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty at Challenger, forsaking cheaper alternatives for Challenger points and my desire to get it fast. So I'm broke once again, and cannot go to EOY (End Of Year; an anime event at Republic Polytechnic today).

Other than that. That's pretty much it I guess! Ending this short post.

Anime Festival Asia 2010 (AFAX) +++

So this week passed by busily. Tons of things to do, I've been putting some things on hold which I need to do, and yeah. More things to do. I don't think I can remember them all. Anyway, I got a pleasant surprise on Friday, seeing my marks for the Organisational Behaviour essay which I thought I wouldn't do well for. That partly made my day.

And now, on to our main topic. ANIME FESTIVAL ASIA.

I was originally thinking of giving it a skip due to the last leg of the trimester and the schoolwork involved. Then, when I went down to cover the CS Online launch party, I got to know that it could PROBABLY be the last time Anime Festival Asia is in Singapore. Having missed that last year (IIRC because of Rain and schoolwork), I was now torn between whether to concentrate on schoolwork, or to go there to experience it for myself before not getting the chance to go to it anymore.

It took me very damned long to make a decision. I asked (too late) for a pass from Kwong Hwee (TGOW), but did not get. On Tuesday, Julian said he wanted to go, and so I finally threw all caution to the wind and went down to Rapid Culture @ Funan to purchase our $15 tickets, waiting a good two hours for the tickets to arrive (wherever they came from). I was still feeling a little bad about it, but something told me to screw the schoolwork, just go down, and see see. So that I did.

Then came the pleasant surprise on Friday. And I ambitiously decided to add shoulder pads to my black vest for cosplaying. And also pad up my P90 to realistic sizes so I could use it, and build a mock holographic sight for it too. I gave up on the former two by 4am and did not even attempt the last goal. I was too tired to continue... so I zonked out.

(Continued at 1100hrs, 141110)

I woke up yesterday at 0950, to my horror because I was supposed to meet Bob at 10-ish to pass him his ticket. So I rushed breakfast, and packed up, quickly driving down to Suntec City (Convention Halls 401, 402 and 404). I reached at 1120. Bob, however, turned up at about 1200. While waiting for him I decided to suit up already, and went into the toilet to put up my vest, guard pads, gloves and the like. Leaning against the wall outside the toilet in full gear drew me some curious stares from the public, and invited some photos, so I posed, like the emo mercenary that I was. Finally Bob arrived and I accompanied him as he changed into his World War II Waffen-SS tank crew outfit, looking awesomely German and stylish. Again, more photos as we squeezed our way to the entrance.

We finally made our way in... and I felt overwhelmed. There were so many booths, so many things to do and look at... having not done our research properly, Bob and I decided to have a quick walkaround to see what things were like. So we got a feel of the situation on the ground. Gundam merchandise, anime figurines, A Hatsune Miku game, anime karaoke, a dubbing studio set up where you could try and dub some lines, the maid and butler cafes, Black Tactical and Kurocha, Katana shops, a small stage area, and Toyota's booth showcasing their new Segway-like invention (I think that's about it)... oh wait. And the graffiti walls, and a small display segment of some anime storyboards, and people selling overpriced anime magazines.

By then, the Gundam 00 movie had already began to screen. I did not know, assuming it would be in the late afternoon. So I missed that completely, and the major objective of my $7 extra stage access pass was wasted. First 'setback' of the day. Else, I think me and my pals managed to get more requests for photos at AFA as compared to Cosfest (I REALLY need that SWAT gear now). However, Cosfest seemed more fun and there were better-looking cosplayers around then... I think. Or maybe because it was my first experience at that time and I got sick of it this time round. Anyway, I prowled around the area till around 1300, where Bob and I decided to queue up for the Maid Cafe. Personally, I wasn't really very interested to go, being served by exceedingly pretty girls (restricted much in a Singapore setting), who do scripted actions and the like did not really appeal to me. So while I the queue, I observed:

- One thing about the Moe Moe Kyun School Days cafe was that, it was POPULAR. Long queues, long waiting times.

- The foodstuff was OVERPRICED. $28 for PASTA?!? The girls must be so valuable... I only intended to buy drinks and skip my lunch while I was in the queue.

- However, as I got closer, I realised that the girl-waitresses must have trained well for their role. They could synchronise their greetings, be cute, and some demonstrated excellent fluency in the Japanese language.

Which reminds me (sidetracking...), while Bob and I went pass MMKSD cafe for the first time, a trio of rather interesting Japanese girls asked us for photos. My sunglasses were down and goggles on, and they commented that I looked 'like a killer' and 'kowai - scary'. So funny when the three of us decided to pose for photos, the girl didn't dare to stand beside me and went to stand beside Bob instead. Hahaha. When I waved goodbye, I did the Caramelldansen a bit and attracted coos of "kawaaiiii..." from those girls. Very interesting experience, much. We even had a photographer ask us to 'look dangerous' in front of the 'School Days' billboard.

Coming back... at the queue, we saw, at the small stage that Alodia Gosiengfiao, famous Filipino cosplayer, had arrived on-scene (she and Kaname were supposed to appear today, but they decided to come down yesterday). I was quite curious to take pictures of her, but we could only fall back on using the zoomable scope on Reuel's sniper rifle to eyeball the stage. At around 1430, the first bad thing of the day happened. Someone (or maybe just myself) knocked into me, and clipped my shoulder-sling. My M4 slid off my shoulder, hit the ground with a resounding 'thud'... AND BROKE INTO TWO. I was terribly miserable right after that, it totally killed my mood for anything. At last I left the queue of the cafe, leaving Bob alone (he got himself a nice picture with one of the girls), fretting over my rifle and ending up eating at KFC with Zhikang and Jonathan.

After a quick meal, I felt all-ready to go again. So I went in, met up with Roy (Gorochan) and JJ and Zhikang, and the four of us, the "MP-5 squad" went prowling about Hall 401 yet again! Photos, more photos, taking and being taken... Then I dropped my MP-5, and someone came up to me and jokingly said 'Drop 20' (in the SAF, dropping your weapon would incur such a minor punishment). I would have appreciated the joke if he did not clip the barrel sticking out of my bag and tear it. So my M4 was damaged in two places, and I went emo-ish again (perhaps that, and work worries, made me enjoy this event less.)

At around 1600 I finally popped into the stage area for all of 5 minutes to see the last bits of seiyuu Hanazawa Kana's performance, where she was interviewed, and she read off a script for a certain anime (not sure which), much to the cheers of the audience in front. I wonder if she was lip syncing, because it was a conversation, and the other "character" was present in the recording for her voice to interact with. But she's got that Japanese-cute voice type which I don't know - can't seem to find it in Singaporeans here. Only in Japan and maybe Taiwan. Is it an act, or just genetic variation? If I only went in a bit earlier, I would have seen JAM Project's special appearance at the stage area (before their concert). DAMN!

After that I moved out, and discovered the joys of Hall 404. It was opened up for us to roam about and be free, so cosplayers and photographers ended up being there. Doing our thing, or just simply resting. Then was when we bumped into this rather annoying guy called Darren, who apparently was from Movie Mania. Dark, and with pierced lips, he would touch your gear without your permission (he even touched the barrel of my M4 sticking out from my bag, I was like, WTF?). Being a general annoyance, our boys split up whenever we could to avoid him. But something happened, more on that later.

By now the crowd was getting thicker (1600-1700+) and we were effectively squeezing past each other. Traversing between both halls, we stuck around till about 1800 when the crowd somehow thinned out. Kwong Hwee kindly offered me some superglue as a first-aid measure for weapons (my MP-5 suffered light damage as well), which I kindly took and went back to 404 to repair the damage.

You may noticed I never described Hall 402 where the stage was, because I did not buy the Anisong concert tickets (boy, the queue for that was LONG too!). So I was restricted only to the main hall, and Hall 402 for the early part of the day (which I didn't go, of course).

The rest of the evening was uneventful because I decided to disarm so as not to strain my guns further (Yes, I stayed there almost all the way). With the exception of one. Roy (neonzap's) M4 broke as well, but it got taped up. We tried to investigate who it was, suspects being Darren, some other guy I don't know about, and also... one of us. I wasn't so sure of the full situation, but tried to help all the same. Of course, being civilised people, we talked through it all nicely. So there weren't any conflicts. Which was good... I wonder who was the culprit (since I can't go down today).

That said, we left at around 2000, when all the booths were beginning to pack up. The anime karaoke booth was such a draw, when we left there was a waiting list of around 10 over people still. So I couldn't get to sing my Haruhi song (we should SO get an anime karaoke machine here - but the lyrics were in kanji/hiragana. So its either you memorise them before hand, or read the words fast enough).

In summary, AFA, although a much bigger event than Cosfest, felt less fun for me. This could be due to:

1. I wasn't as excited about it as Cosfest, with work weighing on my mind.

2. The focus here was on anime and merchandise and performances - cosplayers always add flavour to a con like this - like icing on the cake.

3. My weapon malfunctions killed off my mood.

4. I did not do enough homework beforehand - especially with the movies!

Rumours had it that it was the last AFA in Singapore (today's newspapers did not mention it, however). If it's really true, then I would have a bad first and last experience of AFA. This was my fault, I think, not that of the organisers. Thus, I missed out on the movies and stage performances, failed my equipment upgrades, had weapon malfunctions, but manage to salvage it by having some fun cosplaying and buying for myself a sweet, steel blade worth $100. Wicked sick! I'm now a broke man, though, poor as hell. I did not manage to catch JAM Project, but I saw how a seiyuu's work could be like.

Sigh. I wish I was down there today... What little photos I have, will be on Facebook.

Thoughts.

Happy Deepavali season!

My mind's pretty blank now, although I'm taking the time out to make some post. Been slacking for 1.5 days now even though I have quite a bit of work to catch up on. And readings, too. Ahh, the work pressure. I've gotten so much so that I don't even browse The Straits Times anymore, and I'm supposed to be a Communications student at that. Hmm.

On to the nitty-gritty.

Some of my Scouting juniors recently ORDed, and being Commandos, they had a passing-out parade full of pomp and grandeur. I think I've mentioned how mine was, no pardes, no nothing, just to collect your documents on a quiet Monday morning, and step out of camp for the last time. I'm quite proud of these guys, and at the same time, I've always wondered what it'd be like in the one parade that you're actually willing to attend.

Hmm...

Then there was the Downtown East murder, which had me lamenting over the needless loss of 5 young lives (1 killed, the other 4 sure to be killed since they face the death penalty). These misguided youths paid for their errors with the ultimate price: their lives, their blood. It's really very sad indeed, but on the death penalty and murders, perhaps Chapter 8 of Starship Troopers can offer some insight. It relates Rico's thoughts on a murder and RAH's views on corporal punishment in general. Exactly what I went through in my mind, I presume. I end with a paraphrase of the last few lines: At least they won't kill anymore. That suits me, and now, back to work.

The law needs to send a strong message out that such things will never be tolerated.

Else, played badminton, catching up on work, lazy, Rihanna and Eminem's Love the Way You Lie is awesome... Many things, lazy to talk about them all. Itchy heart. So lazy... RAWR.

Iro-iro no happenings desu.

For the uninitiated, my post title basically means that many things have happened... (obviously), since my last post.

I'll ramble on as I remember them.

My heart's void has reopened as I let slip a bird from my tenuous grip.
I got re-elected into Student Council (the 5th) 10/11, and also my second term as President. I hope I won't end up like President George Bush who finished his two terms with a host of problems dumped onto the next successor.

I've been swamped with tons of work, that I've cleared slowly, one at a time, but more is piling up. This is only the first trimester, I have 5.5 more to go!

I miss the internationality of Foundation Year where I was among friends of more diverse backgrounds. Today, I find solace in a new group of Singaporean friends. In my Communications course, there are many Singaporeans, so the familiarity of that environment has returned. But still...

I don't know if I fit in anywhere, if ever.

I mean, I love this bunch, because the guys share similar interests as I am (I think I'm the geek though) and I appreciate their presence. (Thanks for the pre-birthday celebration, guys! You know who you are). Yet at the same time my inferiority complex comes up and I just feel a general lack of charisma. Has it something to do with my social ineptness?

Teeheehee.  It's so random...

Yesterday, my installation speech, pledge-leading, and my presentation went off with nary a hitch. Ms. Nisha said our presentation was near-perfect! To the extent that she saved our presentation as an example to the rest. I feel bad now for spoiling the market, but the effort Kei and I (mostly Kei, tbh) put in was worth it.

Still need to find my sense of self-worth somewhere.

SC10/11 has its work cut out for us. Gonna be a mad mad year.

And I had to leave interaction with PSB Academy CEO twice in two days, gosh I feel so bad. But I have lessons... and they take priority.

I really hope to see PSB become more visible and be of equal standing, or even surpass SIM. Grr, rawr!

First time testing labels.

Oh, and this is my 400th post.

I am a prideful creature.

My sleeping patterns have been fucked up of late (actually it's been screwed since JC, just that it's getting worse?) so I am awake at 0450 right now.

What do I want to blog about? Two things: human relationships and some wallowing in self-pity and despair. Well firstly, my time in Student Council 09/10 has come to an end (embarking on a new path right up, since I'm in the running for SC 10/11), and it got me thinking. The 15 of us, from culturally diverse backgrounds, how did we come together and bond and work so well as a team? I still remember with much clarity the first chalet with SC 08/09. It was only about a year ago (we celebrated my birthday, even). Since then we've all come quite a long way... our first test of fire being the Grand Freshman Party that we brainstormed for and organised.

I haven't found a satisfactory answer as to our awesome chemistry, but I know I will miss it quite a bit. We were an awesome team. I love you guys!

Talking about cliques, I know I mentioned hating them but I think I've managed to find and fit into some since coming to PSB Academy. I know I've drifted away a little from my friends made in Foundation Year (simply because I was one of the few who chose a Communications major), but at the same time, my new classmates are amazing. To be honest, I am feeling inferior.

That said, it's good to find friends who share the same hobbies as you do (most of it; for I have certain deviant likes) and have so much in common...

Next, some self-pity ya? After spending about 5 hours on my upcoming presentation with my group mate, I went downstairs and played a little basketball with him. Now I am helluva unsporty, so I was more of learning from my friend shooting techniques and stuff. Couple of his friends (the 'neighbourhood boys', for I shall label them) came later on, and we decided to play a match. Kei mentioned, and I realised, that pride was very important for these guys even in games like these, and I was wholly ineffective as a player (in fact, I was disoriented). So I felt totally useless. Greyshirt was especially vocal in my ineffectiveness, the one that cut the most was "hey, we're playing 2v3!" when we were playing. Various other complaints came from him, and of course, he was mighty pissed when we were drawn together in the second match (on hindsight, he could have flipped his hand as we drew lots). I guess it hurts a lot more when other people say it, huh?

Bigguy was more tolerant of me and tried giving me advice, but I think my reaction to them was like that of a tortoise. Else, I pretty much did nothing. And the few chances I got to shoot, I blew them all. At that point in time I was mighty pissed with myself.

I was just never good at sports - never trained seriously or had the culture inculcated in me. I remember counting how many goals I saved in soccer matches back in primary school and realising they didn't matter so much now. My legs are still itchy and I want to kick something (not the wall or the bucket, mind you!)

What was I good at? What am I good at? I don't really know. I know a lot of stuff but I'm no specialist. There're tons of other things that I want to be good at. Lacking drive to do anything is the worst trait of all, perhaps. Sure, I've had some achievements... I made it to Council, somehow got to be President for a year... looking back at all the certificates I've amassed over my short life...

Just am not sporty. I'm a fucking couch potato. Bring me down to the shooting range, and I'll trash all of you soundly. I promise. If I don't...

...kinda means I've lost touch, doesn't it?

Sigh. You green-eyed monster you. Just can't hold a candle to a lot of people.

Meh.

Rest in Peace, Mdm Kwa Geok Choo (Mrs Lee).

Your unassuming support behind the founding father of modern Singapore is venerated by all. May you have a safe and peaceful journey through the heavens.

I feel guilty for not going down to the Istana to pay my last respects.

Busybusybusybusybusy

I'm blogging after more than a full month on hiatus. So many things to talk about, and I shouldn't be blogging because I have work to do. School has started and it's been 5 weeks plus one day now, and I've been bogged down by shitloads of work and the like. My seniors were right, Foundation was just a freaking honeymoon.

Being one of the few brave souls who signed up for the Communications course, I entered, met a lot of new classmates (Singaporeans dominate the pack now, it's less "international" in a sense), and stuff like that. We're more familiar with each other now, and I think a lot of my classmates will make High Distinction material.

I'll probably aim for Credit passes in everything.

School's been busy, Council's been busy; it's coming to an end but I am re-running and hope to serve another year (and not die from burnout), O2 Camp was smashingly awesome because we have a real good batch of campers this year, and I just came back from a smashing SC outing to Malacca.

And it's back to reality, work, and life.

And becoming a fucking social recluse, giving up tons of gatherings with friends ostensibly to rush work, then to have my productivity cut really low. Geez.

I gave in to peer pressure and embarrassed myself at basketball today though. Oh yeah, whatever. Just anyhow play play and throw throw ba. Kinda fun... heh. I WANT TO KICK SOMETHING AND SHOOT SOMETHING LA FUCK.

ARGH.

National Day Rally and the start of a new school year.

Been wanting to blog since last week but mainly too tired to do so and too busy. So I want to touch on a couple of points mentioned by our Prime Minister in the National Day Rally sometime last week.

First, of course, is the $9,000/$10,500 kitty for all serving NSmen and NSFs. Many people and even newspaper writers have said that this amount will never be enough to compensate all NSmen for the time spent in committing to this ideology of a citizen army and contributing to the sovereignty of the country. I couldn't agree less. It is, instead, a powerful symbol and one of the latest in a string of measures to recognise us for our contribution, I guess.

Personally, I am eligible only for 66% of the sum since I ORDed before August 29. I think I'll probably forget about the money by the time it's cashed in. No matter, though, I'd like to say 'thank you' to the government for being so kind. :)  However, mrbrown's recent song (sung to Justin Bieber's famous track) and his subs of the Hitler "Downfall" video made me wonder, about the older, ex-NSmen who have all completed their National Service obligations. They won't get anything. Why is that so (apart from probably the hassle of tracking down all of those old records, and further increasing the already massive spending - if we have a force of, say, 300,000 NSmen and we gave them all $9,000 each, it would cost the government $2.7 billion!)? Food for thought.

Next is the revamps to the education system. According to our PM, there would be more routes opening up after PSLE and scoring badly doesn't mean it's the end of the road for you, for you can seek redemption as early as your secondary education! What with all the new institutions, direct diploma route for Normal (Technical) students, new schools offering Integrated Programme, the education landscape can only get better I guess. I wish I was born later, haha.

And the hot issue these days of foreign immigrants in our beloved homeland. The need to see them as a boon and not a threat to us. Well, the issue is really two-sided, since they do contribute in their own ways, and at the same time, they provide competition. Census statistics report 541,000 permanent residents here, and this number will definitely increase, perhaps one day even outstrip the 3 million-strong local population since our birth rates are so low! What would the future demographic of Singapore be like?

He mentioned about the success of the YOG too. Hell yeah! I'm hooked to be honest (did I mention it before already?) I feel like I want to do F1 next year, and maybe go volunteer at the other Olympic/Youth Olympic sporting events in the future... We shall see.

Next up is the fact that school has bloody started. The deluge of assignments coming up, all of it in areas I am not familar with, is scaring me. STRESS OMG. How will I do?

Thus ends this quick post about scrying for the future.

YOG has ended. School has started. (Part 2 of 2)

And so, officially, my work at the Youth Olympic Games has come to an end. It seemed only like yesterday that I started my duties on the 8th at the Youth Olympic Village at NTU/NIE, and in the blink of an eye, we blasted past 26th August and ended up on the 28th. It has been an exciting journey indeed, and the fellow members of the Workforce Assistants that I've worked with were a fine team. Mission Accomplished, guys!

I did not see the Closing Ceremony because I went back to the Village on my off-duty day to help out. Local mainstream media gave favourable reports; it was heartwarming to see our efforts being paid tribute to. That was the official photography day for us so most of the team turned up also to take photos (finally!) and the like, and it was real fun to just chill out at an almost-empty Village Square (the athletes had left for Closing Ceremony then). In the evening, I got more than I asked for: I met up with Tsu Cher, my one-time coach at VJC Air Rifle as well as going into the Residential Zone (we have access) together with friends to exchange T-shirts/jerseys with the athletes. Somewhere along the line I got myself a Chilean team shirt, and some of the athletes I met along the way greeted me with a "Hola, Chile." or something to that effect. I wonder if they really thought I was Chilean, which I shouldn't look like at all because 1. I'm short, 2. I'm Asian-looking, 3. I wear spectacles. Perhaps they were just kidding around. That said, I think that little night jaunt into the RZ would be a memory for me for some time to come. Just walking around and interacting with the athletes who were obviously relaxed since everything was over and they could begin to go home.

The night party at the Village seemed a little short though, causing disappointment for some, but the few of us still managed to take some pictures and have some fruitful interaction with the athletes who were slowly begin to leave the scene. These guys are still young, and buzzing with energy, after all. I'm not too sure of the official reasons why, neither will I comment upon it. But it was a fun and interesting night, pictures will be up soon. I'm glad I went down there that night.

This came at the cost of lethargy during my orientation programme the next day, where I saw my new coursemates for the first time. More Singaporeans in my course now, and a few from the same background as myself, namely, 'A' Levels -> PSB Academy. Girls though, so they did not get bogged down by National Service as I did. Although I was pretty bushed, I started to reach out and make new friends again, and I sure hope to work well with them, as well as my existing pals who made it into the BCOMN course with me. God bless for the uncertain journey ahead.

My last day was on the 28th, and I arrived to find the Village in the midst of transforming back to NIE. Our enterprising Workforce team members had set up a trading centre beside the pin-trader, trading our 'goods' like pins and shirts with anyone who came. They said that business was good the previous day, it was a pity I couldn't be around to take photos to document such an interesting cultural exchange. Much of the packing-up was done by the morning shift, so there was little to do except seal up the boxes and wait for the movers from DHL to come and bring it back to SYOGOC HQ at Kay Siang Road. That we did, and then talked, walked around, had dinner, and the like. Dinner that night was awesome. I finally confirmed what I heard about Radha after all: Radha the warrior, once deputy commander of the top-secret Special Operations Force within the Commandos. I'm pretty sure we won't want to see his fierce side - his friendly side is good enough for us all. I suspect I may have seen shades of his darker side at certain times, but nothing I will comment on. Dr. Vivian Balakrishnan and Deputy Mayor Joscelin Yeo dropped by our office once again, and he thanked those present for their hard work even as the curtain goes down on YOG, and also took a look at the certificates of appreciation prepared for the volunteers. Spotted Senior Parliamentary Secretary, MCYS Teo Ser Luck at dinner with his kids, too (at least, I think they were his).

We sent everything back to Kay Siang Road by midnight and the few of us who remained: Si Hao, Hao Ming, Yan Ling, Ryan, Myself, Radha, Pamela went down to Evans Road for some roti prata supper, bumping into Kishore (fellow WKF ASST, posted to the Main Media Centre at Marina Bay Sands) chilling with his pals there, and hearing about his own experience. We all ate and talked, and then...

...said our goodbyes with promises to catch up in due time when it was time to go.

I was glad I met this whole bunch of people, and I pray that all the SYOGOC contract staff can find jobs quickly once their contracts end on 30 September. The knowledge would have been transferred to other organising committees by then, and we can say:

"kore nite, itten rakuchaku!" (TOO MUCH SHINKENGER!)... I mean, "Case closed!"

Shoutouts:

Radha: For being so nice, flexible, and in total control of the situation; and being such a great mentor.
Idris: Nice man! Susa la hahaha :)
Pamela: Nice meeting ya.
Maduran, Ryan: You two were amongst the first volunteers I knew. Good luck in life!
Spencer: You're a very interesting man. :)
Uncle Koh: Never knew you were so good at art!
Aili, Annie, Yan Ling: Your dedication to work, I salute.
Shiun: Mister Muscle! Good luck in your bodybuilding career, big guy!
Si Hao, Hao Ming: Resourceful, and real nice working alongside you two.
Sheng Ho: Wise up, pal!
Katie: It was a good time chatting with you especially on day 2 at the WKF CTR 2.
Three Musketeers (Ben, Xiang Ming, Guo Liang): Met you guys only like once, take care of yourselves!
Wei Lian, Chin Hwee: You two and Hao Ming, seriously the masters of pin-collecting la haha.
Teck Wei: Never had the chance to work with you really, but I know you're a smart guy.
Super Onna Sentai (Soon Ling, Janice, Irene, Jiawei and one more - forgive me for forgetting names!): Seriously, you guys... I hear you're the super girl squad. Haha.
Yi Chun: Quiet, demure... open up more? (We always were on different shifts, anyway) :)
Ma Sai, Zhenghua (Mister Inner Mongolia!) and Yu Qin: Keep going wherever you are!
The rest of the WKF Asst team which I have not met: All the best in your endeavours!

And to the other friends I've made during this time like (Syfa)wani, Joanna, Stephanie... there's still more to life ahead, so let us do our best!

And to the YOV people (Sheryl, Meng Tak, Jason, Patrick, Jaslyn, Tham, Emma, Gilberto, Heloise, Martin, Ernie, Nicola, Kwai Fung, Janet, May): No, I'm not a traitor! Stay in touch?

And to the other SYOGOC interns during my time: Jia Xin, Larissa, Sheryl Chee, Ros, Brenda, Hong Jun, Aaron, Marilyn, San San, Samantha, Kelda and the whole other bunch whose names I don't know too well... WE NEED TO STAY IN TOUCH TOUCH TOUCH TOO!

And to the SYOGOC staffers I know: Smile! It's coming to an end!

Apologies to anyone whom I may have forgotten... all opinions expressed are my own and in the capacity of a citizen of Singapore. It's all over now, time to move on...

YOG's coming to an end! (Part 1 of 2)

The 1st Youth Olympic Games 2010 has officially drawn to a close, the closing ceremony having been held on Thursday. I have not been blogging much these few days because of fatigue from overextending myself, even going for shifts on off-days because it was getting funner. More about that in part 2. For now, I will be commenting on some pointers I observed during the IOC Youth Session with Jacques Rogge, President of the International Olympic Committee, that I had the honour of being invited to.

1. A young athlete (no older than 15, I believe) from Rwanda asked a very innocuous question about how the IOC could help her country develop sport, and extended an invitation to Dr. Rogge (He also holds the court rank of Count in Belgium) to visit her country. Her innocence and pure belief in the power of the IOC to change things drew applause from us all.

2. Dr. Rogge was very humorous, his responses to certain questions (I can't remember any now) able to tickle the bones of us all. The athletes engaged him with questions like how he came about to the idea of the YOG, his vision for the future of sport, and, from a delegate from Niger - how to promote sports amongst the youth of his country. That which he replied that IOC has been bolstering efforts and monetary aid to poorer countries to help facilitate the growth of sporting (also in repeated response to Rwanda), keeping only 6% of its own revenue for operations purposes.

3. It was noted that for this inaugural Youth Olympics, although some countries did not send their best to compete (as evidenced, among others, how Team USA performed below expectations among others - personal observation), the Games, and subsequent events after that, should be as world-class as possible. With more than 10 junior records broken at this Games (14 to be exact?), the level of competition should be the impetus needed for all NOCs involved to send their best youth to come and compete.

4. The Culture and Education Programme was a huge success and Dr. Rogge was pretty pleased with it. It is indeed, besides competition, one of the more important facets of the Youth Olympic Games where athletes learn about each other's country and culture. Convincing NOCs about the value of this programme at the start wasn't very easy, but in the end, the glowing results showed that it was worth it. Perhaps there would be a similar programme implemented in limited form at the Olympic Games itself? -> Dr. Rogge noted also the problem of tone for such a programme at the Olympics, since the athletes would be much older and also of more varied ages. However, since plans for London 2012 were pretty fixed up, modifications could possibly appear earliest at the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.

5. Dr. Rogge believed that the Youth Olympics would survive for eternity even without him. At this inaugural Games, he felt that many world issues were shown to the athletes, and he advised them that what each of them took away from this Games depended on themselves. The sporting career of an athlete doses not last forever and these young people should also do something different, so that they can continue on to a professional job after retiring from the sporting arena.

6. Many athletes began their questions first with a thank-you to Dr. Rogge, so much so to the point that he humourously requested everyone to get on with the question and save time. :) Some athletes mentioned that they were medal winners, to the applause of all and salutations from Dr. Rogge. The Mixed NOC (National Olympic Committee, or a group eligible to enter athletes and teams into an Olympic Games) events, a new concept, drew favourable comments from athletes and officials, even Dr. Rogge as well. Personally, he was enchanted by the smiles all around as athletes from different parts of the world worked together for success, the epitome of Olympic solidarity.

7. A coach from Great Britain asked if coaches could be integrated with the CEP in future editions of the Games. Dr. Rogge responded that more should be offered, and it would be a good area to look into.

8. A certain delegate from an African country praised the inclusion of multiple finals (for athletics) that made everyone feel like a winner instead of demoralising those who failed to qualify after the heats. Dr. Rogge replied that all the going-ons of this games would be pored over and analysed so as to provide an further improved experience ad future editions of the YOG.

9. Dr. Rogge also felt that sports was a good educational tool and it trains people in mind and body, especially emphasising discipline. He urged all present to become role models back in their home countries and to promote sporting.

10. I also saw the fruits of my labour back at Language Services, and finally understood what simultaneous interpretation meant, with the earpiece attached to my ear and hearing what Dr. Rogge (or other delegates) meant to say in English as they responded in French or the other languages. Very very interesting, and thumbs-up to the LSV volunteers who delivered these simultaneous interpretations.

11. Passionate statements came from several athletes as well, acknowledged by Dr. Rogge. The only one question allowed from us volunteers was answered succintly by Dr. Rogge, who feted us as "Champions of YOG", and called upon all present to give a round of applause to us present. My heart swelled. :)

12. The Singaporean touch on the YOG would be forever different from the others, he mentioned. Our multiculturalism and efficiency was one thing that impressed Dr. Rogge.

13. The original brainchild of the YOG came from the mini-games during the Cold War that allowed athletes from Eastern Wurope to meet up with and compete against those from Western Europe. After the fall of the Berlin Wall and various other events (dissolution of the Iron Curtain, for example) that led to the end of the Cold War, development in such a possiblity got spurred on, culminating in the idea of the YOG. (needs verification - not sure if I heard correctly)

14. For technical issues, Dr. Rogge noted that the IOC would work with the various IFs (Internationak Federations) for the sports to try and streamline things and combat issues surfaced during the Games.

15. An athlete from Estonia asked what I wanted to ask about the development of publicity for the Games, which (from what I've seen -> only Temasek Review though, which means I lack sources - should check out more) seemed a tad too little. Dr. Rogge said that for the first edition of this Games, he was quite pleased with the media development. 1900 accredited journalists, television broadcast in 166 nations, 4 million Youtube accounts viewing videos, and 5 million Facebook fans (official figures in newspapers should be treated as the most accurate). He feels that it can only get better...

15. Why was there no other shooting events (e.g. small bored) other than the air weapons events? That was because of the limited capacity of the Village to host athletes and also the short timespan for the Games (12 days). This was asked by a shooter from a certain NOC (memory fails me...)

16. Personal formula for success? Set your priorities right and work hard. Quotable quotes: "Give back to sport what sport has given to you."

Signing off on Part 1.

More stuff to talk about

My work went swimmingly well over the past few days and for that, I have nothing much to say about it. Food's really getting better for us, which is a bonus since I don't really have much complaints about my food initially, anyway. I managed to get myself some pins courtesy of my fellow volunteers and an American Samoa coach who gave us some from his massive stock so we could get started on (lapel) pin trading or something. Which brings me to my first point of the day: This activity known as Pin Trading.

Apparently, pin trading is pretty much a fun activity that is done at every sporting event like your regular Olympics, or maybe some other events, best when many countries gather. I remember AYG where I did not really engage in that activity, winning only one from a bet with a friend and the other given to me by the kind Dr. Auchai. The pin trader at the Village, apparently a merchant who deals with pin-making, is a veteran and we gleaned some knowledge about pins in the short time we spent over there. Not only does he look out for unique designs (he seems to favour stuff with the 5 rings on them - our Lyo and Merly pins are kind of worthless to him), he assigns values to those of higher-quality construction (metal vs plastic) and looks also at whether they are painted or not (paint might chip off easily). Moreover, I learnt from doing some slight reading online, that there is a certain etiquette to pin trading. You should never touch the other guy's pins and only ask to have a look. That's a golden rule, apparently. It certainly helps athletes (or anyone!) from different cultures to interact, using this as a starting point for conversation. In a certain way, it feels like the barter trade of old where you trade one thing for another, even with a complete stranger who doesn't speak your language (remember barter trade requires a double coincidence of wants), and you shake hands after completing the deal. :)

On the same day, I saw the Chinese weightlifting champion, Deng Wei. She looks more tanned in person, and up close you can really see how well-built she is. Short and stocky, the typical build of a weightlifter. And all still giggly and excitable like how any girl of her age might be. The same night (Saturday night, to be exact), Ryan and me bumped into the hero of the Singapore vs Montenegro match, Brandon Koh. It was he who sneaked in from behind to score the goal that sealed Montenegro's fate giving us a 3-2 victory over a side that physically dominated us. He humbly attributed the goal to luck...

However, Lady Luck did not smile upon our national youth team yesterday night as the Haitians gave us a terrible 2-0 licking. Their strategy disrupted our defence and offence simultaneously and although Singapore rallied in the 2nd half and tried many attacks, they all came to nought. Our Cubs lost the mind game and became unnerved, even annoyed (as were we all watching) by the Haitian playacting which wasted tons of time and got them lots of yellows, but at the cost of one of our players sent off. Granted, we must give them credit for making it here even though their country suffered a terrible quake just 7 months ago. Brandon was fast, but alone and heavily marked, he was futile. I hope the Cubs can learn something from this international exposure and do better in their future matches. We face Montenegro again for the bronze medal, and they'll be, without a doubt, seeking vengeance.

Hopefully Singapore football gets a boost with this YOG, since Singapore is indeed a football-mad nation.

I sure hope to hell we can win a gold today for table tennis.

Iroiro... (Many Things... in Japanese).

I'm on off yet again, and time to blog. An aspiring fellow forumer at Black-Tactical.com was recruiting people to be casted for this short film he's making in conjunction with (I think) Mediacorp okto's short film competition, Project PDA - more information here -> http://www.sinema.sg/2010/07/01/project-pda-the-search-for-singapore%E2%80%99s-newest-film-directing-talent/ and here -> http://okto.sg/ppda/index.htm. I responded for the fun of it, bringing two of my replica weapons and my vest down for the filming. My virgin filming experience in front of the camera, though short, was pretty interesting, and I tried my best not to disappoint. Fortunately there weren't any scenes that required me to have any facial expression of any sort - I seem to have weird smiles when I am nervous about how well I performed. That said, our dear budding director was under the pressure of time so he had to change the structure of many scenes. All that's left is for him to edit it out tomorrow. I hope he'd do well in this competition, having miraculously made it into the top 5 after impressing the judges with his story concept and the like.

The films will be screened on okto somewhere in November, I believe. Other than that, I hope this entire thing would be an experience for him too, not too sure if he recced the place beforehand to check things out, because his organisation skills need a wee bit of touching up, in my opinion. I had to go in without knowing the exact location for the shoot until about 2.5 hours after I initially reached the vicinity... among others. That being just an example.

Other than that, I guess I'm not really qualified to comment further for filmmaking is not my forte. I got to know a few other people (the other cast members involved), and had a quick chat with this Marc who hitched a ride with me back to Paya Lebar. Mmm. So that's how my day went.

More on YOG: Having nothing to do, I started making a medal tally for myself since IOC and SYOGOC are not keeping one in the name of promoting sporting achievement. My Top 10 list can be found on FB each day, but it seems like China and Russia are dominating the medal tallies each day so far. That said, it's been a roller coaster of emotions as I read through one article after another, some in support of YOG, and others against it. I present two articles here for your reading pleasure:

http://litford.net/singularity/2010/08/16/singapore-2010-youth-olympic-games-singapore-what-do-you-want/
and http://www.temasekreview.com/2010/08/14/the-plight-of-singapore-volunteers-at-the-youth-olympic-village/ The first one, long and well-written, in tacit support of the Games. Truly, feats of young academic excellence and camaraderie have been witnessed. Even Singapore's Rainer Ng fought his way to a silver. Quoting one of the commentators, these youths we see here are the stars of the future. It wouldn't be surprising to see them compete in London 2012 or Rio (de Janeiro) 2016. Also, it reflects my sentiments in that I want the world to see Singapore, that I'm proud of my country that was able to bring the inaugural Games here, that whatever keeps me going, apart from seeing the athletes have fun at the various CEP activities (World Culture Village is an example), is that I'm working alongside my fellow volunteers, with, and for them. Too many quoteworthy statements from the first link, and so I shall take just one:

I’m dedicating this post to you. You who wanted to be here, to be part of something bigger than yourself, who wanted to experience something special in your life, who wanted to know there’s a whole world out there, who dared to dream big, who wanted to meet someone new, who sees defeat as a natural part of life, who wants to make a difference, who believes in a future. This is for you. 

The second is from Temasek Review, long the source of demoralising articles and hostile anti-establishmentism. That said, they do provide an alternate view and the second link is just one of the less vile ones. I cannot and will not, online, verify the events that that author in the second link has depicted, but to see those comments coming hard and fast does bring some introspection in and keeps us from having our heads in the clouds all the time, I guess?

Minister for Community Development, Youth and Sports Dr. Vivian Balakrishnan left a comment at the first link. That which I read, and pretty much quote-worthy too. To have words like these picked apart by sites like TR makes one a very confused person. Just who is right? I only wonder if anyone would take note of my puny blog. That said, I am going to continue to put in all my best in the coming few shifts. Go Volunteers, Go Team Singapore!

With a second food scandal, probably originating from Temasek Review (?), confirmed by mainstream news sources and now widely reported, the image of SYOGOC and YOG has taken yet another hit at a very inopportune time, that which pains me. Detractors have more ammunition to use, and already talk is rampant on forums online (I did a simple Google search only and did not click on any link). Saddening indeed. Just why do these cases have to happen...?

On a side note, the Google search mentioned above also brought back news of food scandals from the recently-ended World Cup. Do things like that happen all the time? :(

I want to believe in the Games (now, that sounds like something off Super Sentai - I've been watching Dekaranger and Shinkenger too much).

Ending with the disclaimer: These opinions expressed, are my own, and are by no means affiliated employers the organising committee, or any other related entities, and based solely on my personal experience and account.

LET THE (YOUTH OLYMPIC) GAMES BEGIN!

Yesterday, news broke about a volunteer who posted pictures of his substandard meal onto his Facebook account, provoking outrage and negative media coverage of the meals YOG volunteers are given, and also prompting a move by official food contractor, Singapore Food Industries (SFI) to 'make improvements'. I was among the outraged, However, the basis for my anger was not at the food, but the way this news had to be broken to Singaporeans, validating some of the naysayers and detractors' complaints that the Youth Olympic Games was a huge bane, not boon, to Singapore. In a emotional moment, I voiced my displeasure at this fellow volunteer's conduct on Facebook myself, and in the process, invited a lively discussion from some of my friends, who felt that he had every right to escalate this case right away to, in simple words, "right a wrong".

Now that I'm considerably cooled down, I can offer two reasons as to why I thought that:

1. We were specifically briefed on our code of conduct, and I firmly stand by the point that it's our responsiblity to uphold our own (and the organisation's) image, especially involving the things that may contain the potential to become a huge shitstorm. While I won't say I'm a role model myself, I wondered why the feedback couldn't have gone through normal channels and escalated in the right way. Surely things would have changed? But, a few of my friends who discussed it on Facebook felt that nothing ever gets done when you follow the system and the chain gets stuck somewhere. Their point of view was that this expedites action. That said, action indeed came swiftly in response to negative media coverage, but it left me wondering if everything could have been handled better. Up till now I have not found satisfactory answers.

2. My feelings could have influenced my judgement since I spent quite a reasonable amount of time with the organising committee and I have seen faces from every division. In my heart I believed that things would have worked out. Blind faith, perhaps, but I supported YOG since my registration as a volunteer in December 2008. And my journey has come so long now. Let the detractors come and tell me I'm brainwashed. But I am still going to do my part and make things happen. GO! YOG 2010!

Unshakeable faith, perhaps? I did read the anti-YOG articles on TemasekReview.com as well, known for its alternative views and openly hostile and sarcastic articles against the government. While I saw how the other side felt, and it very nearly demoralised me, there are other things that still make the experience fun and worthwhile in my opinion. :) See below.

That said, my 3rd and 4th days of shifts were over. The Village seems and feels different with the athletes around as compared to my first two days where we were mostly preparing the place for operations. That said, seeing these youngsters at tip-top condition (stout, muscular boys and lean, lithe girls) made me feel a little ashamed of myself. Think I'm outta shape :P. But need a LOT of motivation to train... There was music, the World Culture Village booths were running, people were walking around, and I helped out three Ghanaians and maybe a couple of Europeans (did not take the time to identify which countries they came from) along the way. Despite my role being more of taking care of our own, it sure feels good to help and make them feel welcome. :D

The other thing that lifted my spirits was the awesome Opening Ceremony for the Youth Olympic Games. With everything in place, it looks so much different from the Combined Rehearsal I watched! We can't beat Beijing 2008 in numbers, but we certainly outdid them with effects, fireworks, and stage design (or at least, we put up a credible show for the entire world to watch). Although I still don't understand the plot elements of the performances and what they were supposed to mean, but seems like everything went together well. The drum major must have put in lots of work to get his act together (he had a minor mistake during that rehearsal); he looked pretty suave and awesome today, throwing the command staff and catching it with ease. These apart, the final relay-within-a-relay to light the Games cauldron, and the flame snaking its way around the lighthouse-like structure to finally ignite the fire, were ideas I liked very much. Question though: Where was Sean Kingston?

Like I said I haven't been tracking the JYOF (Journey of the Youth Olympic Flame) much, nor the matches (We beat Zimbabwe 3-1! Eat your words, boys! :P). But now, the Games have officially started. The time has come for us to put on an even better show! To all my fellow volunteers working overtime to make things happen: GANBATTE KUDASAI!

There was also news on the 4 President's Scholars in the papers today. Pretty surprised to see former Air Rifle junior Chow Yi Ling over there. I wasn't too close to her, but I had this image of her (no offence, please!) as the smart girl, and pretty darned good at studying kind. Congratulations to her on netting the prestigious scholarship!

Finally: I hereby declare that the views here are solely my own and not of any organsation related to, or of the Youth Olympic Games 2010.

Patriotic Fervor

My duties as a Workforce Assistant, deployed at the Youth Olympic Village in NTU has already begun. Although I'm not supposed to blog in detail about my work, I must say that the first two days of shift were indeed eye-opening for me. The NIE portion of NTU has transformed in bits, with more banners, signs, and the colourful stage and various booths for the World Culture Village already set up (not to mention the security fencing; remember Munich 1972? Can't let that happen here). I sincerely hope that everyone resolves their problems (if any) before the official start of the Games! :)

The second day of shift was actually National Day. Fortunately for us, we had the live broadcast streamed over to the televisions over at the Village. So I'm pretty sure most of the volunteers got to see it too. I kept my eyes mostly glued during the parade segment (since activity was at a lull at that point in time) before resuming my duties once the performance segment started (when the action all began once again). It made me feel proud of Singapore, especially since there were volunteers from China in the same room as I was, and I took the time to explain certain things to them. Of course, our display of military might was not as impressive as that of the PLA during their 60th anniversary celebrations in October last year, but for a small country like us, it's good. At least I think it is. And with us hosting the inaugural Youth Olympic Games, more glory to us!

I only hope I get to watch the repeat telecast at home...

That said, the torch relay has been going around Singapore for quite some time and should end at the Float@Marina Bay soon enough. I haven't been following that much in part due to my duties starting, but yesterday's story about the Primary 6 kid who ran 15 kilometres in 2.5 hours following the torch near his home was pretty impressive. For his efforts, he was made an official torchbearer and slotted in for the run at Central District today, got his family tickets to the Opening Ceremony, have Panasonic and Canon (choose Canon, kid!) scramble to replace his broken camera, and of course, 1 minute of fame. Well done. (Too bad I was not on shift when the media came down to the Village to interview volunteers. Haha.)

O Divine Powers, bless us all! Signing off now because I need to get ready for yet another (exciting) day. :)

The Final Journey, Movie Marathon, YOG.

As mentioned earlier, we sent 5th Aunt off yesterday afternoon. From folding paper cranes to stick onto the coffin (as recommended by the Buddhist reverend helping the family with the last rites), to listening to his sermon (very religiously tolerant; I like), to chanting sutras, singing dirges of deliverance for the dead as we proceed on foot with the cortege for a short distance, it was a picture of sadness, doom and gloom as the day went on. I've always wondered the need for a funeral procession: Did it come from ancient traditions in China, when a death in the family (usually in close-knit communes then) was announced in a similar way so the entire village knew and could pay their last respects?

Anyway, we made our way towards Mandai Crematorium sometime past noon. 5th Aunt's daughters were inconlably sad, and, once in the viewing hall, they burst into tears, Yan Ching especially wailing out in pain. Her sisters (i.e., my mother and the other aunts and 7th Uncle) wept too. It soon grew into a chorus of tears and melancholy as the machine ferried the coffin on the two rails quickly into the furnace chamber, where the doors closed for one final time. I struggled to keep myself from crying and tried to concentrate on the chant, pinching and clawing at my hands during the process... It was not easy.

And as such, we sent her off with a flock of cranes who'd escort her soul beyond our earthly dimension. Rest in peace, 5th Aunt.

Note to self: I have not been to a crematorium/columbarium in 10 years (neither do I want to go there on a regular basis, damn!). But things certainly look newer now, and technology has taken the burden off man. Mechanised coffin-lifters, automated machinery - it somehow adds a cold tinge to a place already of death, gloom and the memories of the dead. That said, Mandai has this Equilibrium-esque look about its compound. Which got me thinking about our corporeal bodies. We generate so much data throughout our entire lives, in terms of our actions, memories, and such. When we pass away, where do these memories go? While some remain with the living, what about the data from the better part of our experiences? Do they end up somewhere? Or are they... in a sense, "deleted"? Is religion the only way to seek answers for this sort of topic? This has indeed been a poignant and morbid week for me, probably evidenced from my recent postings.

Past this, on the the Movie Marathon which we Student Council organised to, in part, fill in the gap of activities from the July/August Gap. That said, the timing was not too good because it was exam period for the seniors. So we targeted the new Foundation students. Anyway, support for the event wasn't too shabby and we watched as some people gave up as time went on. Most of the contestants were pretty good at staying awake and answering our trivia though. Personally, I was half-dead by 5am and had a fitful, unrestful sleep for roughly 30 minutes or so. Better than nothing though, since I managed to drive home safely in the morning before collapsing on bed and sleeping. I did, however, encounter a traffic jam on my way to school because the Traffic Police outriders were clearing a path for Sepp Blatter, President of FIFA, whose car I saw zoom past me while I crawled in the jam. :| At least, I think it was him. Who else would have the car number plate SEP 1?

To me, the event went pretty well, and I watched some movies like Ice Age 3, A Walk To Remember, The Maid, etc etc, which I never watched back when they were screened in cinemas. AWTR was especially interesting to me nowadays since it dealt with relationships (it's not a "sappy love story" to me now, is it? Hah.), although it's pretty much a sweet and feel-good story that had a happy ending tinged with sadness because Mandy Moore's character died of leukaemia. By not showing a dramatic, cliched death scene and just narrating it instead, the impact of her death was significantly small, like a little pinprick on my emotions only. Anyway, I remember this very well because there was quite a bit of hype over it when it debut-ed 8 years ago with Mandy Moore whose star was up-and-rising at that point in time. Since then, you don't hear too much of the people who acted in that film, including Shane West and Mandy herself... (?).

That said, on to more stuff about the Youth Olympic Games. The Flame finally reached Singapore after journeying from (Ancient) Greece, Germany, Senegal, Mexico, New Zealand and South Korea, where it was received with much fanfare at the welcoming ceremony at NUS. I was unable to attend since it clashed with Movie Marathon night. And the local leg of the relay started today, passing by Marine Parade once (I believe it will pass by again tomorrow). I only wished more people would be involved or support it, especially among the youth. While I've made some new friends (old and young) who're wholly sincere in their support, the general apathy among others is disappointing, exams or not. Let the detractors say what they want. We're committed to making this inaugural Games as best as it can be. :) I'm starting work tomorrow, so all the best for me! Hope it'd be interesting. :)

Signing off.

EDIT: After further research, I discovered that SEP actually stands for "Singapore Elected President". Hence it was President Nathan's car that I saw. Probably rushing to welcome the Youth Olympic Games torch.

Vigil.

I returned this morning from holding vigil over my aunt's coffin the entire previous night. Participated in chanting Buddhist scriptures for my aunt too! We stood, knelt and sat and chanted the scriptures, guided by some volunteers from a Buddhism study group (I think?). It took 50 minutes, during which I lost track about 20-30% of the time because things went really fast at certain parts of the scripture. I managed to get back on track though. It will be a new learning experience that I won't forget in a while, and in the case of my Mom's death (choy, touch wood!), this would probably have to happen too. Bonded more with my cousins' boyfriends as well.

There, 5th Uncle's primary school classmate, who is some master of numerology, explained and did some divinations on those of us who were interested based on birthdays. Ever the cynic, I sat in on the conversation, taking everything with a pinch of salt even when my own "fate" was being divined. Hmm, it's an interesting field indeed, although from my own readings done earlier today, my guess is that this Mr Mak learnt a mixture of Pythagorean numerology together with astrology combined with Chinese numerical divination methods. Or in his words, "It is a metaphysical science." That said, it still stands to perform more research into this topic. I personally am unable to accept the implication that every single person born on the same date, across years, will end up having similar fates despite whatever backgrounds.

Still, it kept me occupied until 0500. Then my cousin invited me up to their home to rest. Hats off to their (Maternal) Senior Uncle who probably stayed up the whole darn night to keep vigil also... I wonder how he kept himself entertained during those hours. Tomorrow will be the funeral procession, where we will send 5th Aunt on her final journey where she will transit from our realm to the afterlife.

Mom's new students.

My mother got two new students today, a cute pair of girls who were born in China, but were adopted by an (American?) couple as babies. So they grew up in a wholly American, English-speaking environment with virtually zero knowledge of their mother tongue. They've had some lessons in school, but from what I can tell, the level of difficulty was pitched at somewhere around kindergarten level. That, plus the fact that the girls have forgotten some of what they have been taught, makes this the most challenging pair of students for my mother yet.

That said, they were very polite, and perhaps every bit the American kid that I perceive them to be. Independent, and pretty vocal with opinions and such (even at such a tender age of 6-8!). The elder sister particularly amazed me with how mature she was, and the way she spoke - I wonder if all American children follow and emulate their parents pretty much, because she went like "Caroline, please, don't whisper to me..." in true-blue American-accented style. Which is what makes the two of them interesting. I doubt I was like that at 8.

I helped Mother out a bit since her English wasn't too good, and she noted that she couldn't understand their English at times. These two girls are very interesting to observe, and I hope their Mandarin will improve somewhat by the time they finish their last lesson (hopefully not too soon, since they're my mother's "business" after all! :)).

But it really is an uphill battle since these kids probably don't get to practice outside of Mother's coaching...

Walking through the shadow of the valley of death.

As per my previous post, my 5th Aunt passed away sometime at 1000 this morning. I'm not sure if she was still in pain at the point where she breathed her last, but I know she passed away happy and peacefully. Her daughters were with her, the older one playing her a song that she wished for right before she died. I went down, as I should, to the wake earlier and paid my last respects to my aunt. God bless her soul, or should I say, Buddha and the Bodhisattva (forgive me if there are errors in referencing) will guide her as she passes on. My grandmother probably hurt the most, but I heard she was pretty stoic about it and only burst into tears when she saw the coffin just then. My worries for my cousins and uncle are unfounded. Despite the sadness in their hearts, I believe they will make it through. Yan Min has a very strong will and is decisive, while Yan Ching is gentle, soft and caring. I'm certain they will take care of their father much, who now plys the roads as a taxi driver.

Immediate family members were of course, devastated by the news. At the wake, my 7th Uncle cried quite a lot. All I could do was offer a pat on the back in consolation. Other than that, I chatted abit at the wake, with my other cousins, one of which offered me some sound career advice. I won't say much about the wake, it's your typical simple Buddhist wake without much accoutrements, just certain rules to observe and rites to perform. Some kind monks were on scene to help the family administer the rites and prayers. I watched as the monk advised my cousins on what to do in the coming few days. Here was a religious man, who performed such deeds out of true altruism, I sensed. Such people are becoming rarer these days...

Which got me thinking about how I would want to go away. After whatever cause of death (mentioned in previous post), I guess the ceremony for me should be, and would be simple. After all, I'm not a religious man right now. Perhaps just a few simple words that someone should say or something would suffice. I would very much like to donate any remaining functioning organs out to people who might need them, since I won't need any of the physical in death, I presume? And it would be like a "final gift to society" of sorts. Whether my spirit (if such a concept truly exists) hurts or not, it doesn't matter. And after cremation? Maybe a small slot at some columbarium? I would very much like my ashes scattered across the sky or if possible, space. We will see when the time comes.  I wonder how I might be remembered then.

This is the (technically speaking) fourth death in the maternal side of my family as far as I can remember. My great-grandmother passed away in 2000, the wake which I vividly remembered, then a distant uncle who was born in the Year of the Dragon as well, my grandfather (whom I never knew) and now, 5th Aunt.

*sighs* Ashes to ashes, dust to dust huh?

And I thought I knew everything.

I don't know if I should even be breaking this news right here online, but it's been on my mind for a while now. I guess I do have to get it off my chest...

If my memory serves me correctly, my 5th aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer sometime last year. She had a mastectomy done but to my knowledge, no other follow-up, systemic therapies were conducted to completely eradicate the cancer (requires confirmation). Sadly, the cancer has since spread to her other organs and right now it's in the terminal stage. I won't say she's living on borrowed time yet, but having just returned from visiting her in hospital, the situation looks, for the love of God, grim. She's in pain, and having morphine pumped into her to ease it. Semi-lucid. Only God knows what she's actually going through. It's been equally hard on her family members too, like her sisters (my mom and my other aunts), her husband (my uncle) and her two daughters. Yan Ching couldn't stop crying, and her anguish was evident. I remember grabbing my thighs when she sobbed as my mom held her, my reaction surprising even to myself. Yan Min was off at home getting some clothes for her mother (I think). I spent roughly three-quarters of an hour there with my mother as my cousin and her doctor boyfriend held vigil.

In times like these, some turn to religion to seek solace and find inner peace. May the powers that be guide her and ease her path through the afterlife if my aunt ever has to go down. May miracles happen and have her bouncing back to life. From a certain standpoint, you begin to see how fragile life can be. Mankind has conquered many diseases throughout our own history, but with lifestyle changes brought about by globalisation and technology, other diseases have taken place among the killers that continue to plague us. To be in constant, excruciating pain is so difficult, and seriously, a hell of a way to die.

I felt useless. I didn't know anything, and didn't know what to do, or how to offer any words of consolation. All I could do was stand by at the side, and watch. And keep my poker face on. I was not able to offer any words of consolation for my cousin, so small and petite, who seemed even smaller than from the last time that I met her. The past few weeks must have taken its toll on her. Plus it's the flu season, and she looks like she's come down with that too. *sighs* My parents have been waxing lyrical and extolling the virtues of a healthy lifestyle even more these days, with this happening. Who's hurting the most might be my grandmother now. As I know it, she isn't particularly in the pink of health herself, but God bless her, I pray that nothing happens to her!

Which got me thinking again about death. My mom expressed the notion that she should be allowed to die a merciful death and not a painful one. I happen to agree that euthanasia should be made legal if palliative care and all sorts of research do not come to any fruitful conclusion. As for me, well, it has only strengthened my morbid desire to die by the bullet or an explosion - at least it'd be quicker that way, although perhaps equally hard and gut-wrenching for my family members... I wouldn't want a painful death. :(

It's been difficult... Girls, please take care of yourselves. Boyfriends, please look after your missusses. They need you.

EDIT: My aunt passed away this morning. May the divine powers be with her soul as she passes into the afterlife. God bless her family... (yes, using God's name in vain again - I can't find any other better expression).

A very special phone call.

To start things off, I shall talk about the YOG Opening Ceremony, the third combined rehearsal (and also the first full-dress rehearsal) that I had the privilege to watch as one of the lucky few who got the tickets. :) Before I actually go into details, I must stress that the comments made here are of my own personal capacity, and that no part of it should be seen as the viewpoint of any organisation affiliated to the upcoming Games. And also, since the actual ceremony takes place on 14 August, I am not a liberty to discuss any major details so as not to spoil this surprise we have waiting for you all people from around the world! :D

Firstly, of course, kudos to the performers, backstage crew, producers, and all else involved in this Opening (and Closing) Ceremony operations. All of you have played your parts, contributed, and for the volunteers, you are probably one of the first few (amongst us all) to actually begin working (I must say the uniform looks pretty nice and all, whatever anyone else has to comment about the colours). You volunteers are therefore the vanguard. The real battle will begin soon, so please work hard!

Now, on to what I have to say about it. If you can't already see from the Sheares Bridge, the stage design looks pretty unconventional from the outside. Which I think should make the scale of this ceremony a tad larger than our National Day Parade (it should be, we are performing for the world after all!). I can see the potential in this once all the kinks - at all levels - have been ironed out (rehearsals are good opportunities to do just that). And this being the YOUTH Olympic Games, what's it going to be without young people? As promised (do stay tuned for that if you are purchasing the tickets to watch on the actual day), the special effects are pretty good. There might be just a little plot kink or something, but I'll put it down to myself being unable to grasp artistic expositions without explanation.

Other than that, I guess things basically went smooth-flowing, the way I saw it. About 85-90% of the seating areas at The Float@Marina Bay were filled yesterday evening, so I suppose that many tickets were given out. Still, my view from the extreme left wasn't too bad. It's really nice to look at the cityscape from this angle as well, and it gets you. Marina Bay Sands, then the various skyscrapers as you pan your vision from left to right...

Dazzle the world, people! We're in this together!

The following evening (which means, just earlier!) some secondary schoolmates and I went back to Dunman High for a supposed homecoming barbecue. I have no idea who organised it, but the turnout was, sad to say, horrible... by my estimations, probably less than a hundred. And no teachers. Which was disappointing, to say the least. I was not too happy because earlier I got into a debate with Tan Wei Quan about the Youth Olympics, in which he was not supportive of the cause. I had to defend this, and while I felt that some of his comments came a little harsh and apathetic, I guess on hindsight there were merit points. However, I still believe the ends justify the means, whatever the cost, because this is just one of those events that can put us on the world map and is really an opportunity for small countries like Singapore to be involved with something so big, to be part of something bigger.

That said, I obstinately believed that the homecoming would be a big event and refused to believe it was failure right till I stepped onto the barbecue grounds. Which vindicated Wei Quan, afterwhich the comments came again, and I found myself feeling as if it had been rubbed in. For a long while I felt frustrated. As I reflected about it at home I castigated myself for being so stubborn, and wondering why the heck was I unable to stay my temper in a much better way. We chatted on the way back home, but I had let my emotions bubble for that short moment and couldn't keep my poker face on. Was it because I was sore that the cause I had lent my effort to had come under "blasphemy"? Of course, there were no blows exchanged (no, never), but I don't quite like how I was a few hours earlier. Ugh.

That said, I shall end this post.

Footnote: Thanks Fel for calling. T'was a special call... :)

The future... so exciting, yet full of trepidation. Stepping into the unknown.

Why am I writing this post on a seemngly random day, I am not really sure. Perhaps I was inspired by my junior's post about his search for a scholarship, or that I had this urge to "outdo" him (What? What manner of outdoing would this post even be? Strange thoughts indeed, have I gone mad?).

Enough of crap. There's actually nothing much I have been up to, although the Student Council has met in recent weeks as we begin planning for our Movie Marathon as well as the second O2 Camp (Freshman Orientation Camp equivalent for those of you who study in the local universities and elsewhere). I've gone down to school to help run the booths, as always, and made trips here and there to settle on some administrative business. My plans for converting my cosplay gear to a riot-style uniform/SWAT are still on the shelf since I have been procrastinating about taking action.

I finally dropped by this showroom for Tamiya cars and model kits that I've always wanted to since like, a couple of years ago. It's located in the Ubi Industrial Estate, and boy, the model kits there look simply awesome! I'm not a Tamiya car fan, but more of the military models. Memories of attempting to build an Iowa-class battleship model come to mind, although I think I ditched it when I moved house, or something like that. Patience and dexterity in painting wasn't something I liked then. Coming back, I took a 20-minute stroll around the place and admiring all the things they had on display.

As for tomorrow, there's the Youth Olympic Games Opening Ceremony Combined Rehearsal to go look at! I'm sure for reasons of operational security and not spoiling the surprises, I would not be allowed to post up any details of the performances until the official ceremony (14th August) itself, so you guys are getting nothing from me. Don't even think about it. :) If you don't have tickets, just stay tuned on that day! Sounds pretty exciting to me...

As YOG nears, I'm actually quite hyped up for my volunteer duties even though we might get swamped in our new environments on the first day. Think I've mentioned it in a post sometime back, but I really can't wait for it to happen! And I hope I can catch a glimpse of shooting from live feeds on TV or something, because I want to see for myself the fully electronic range and the laser-emitting pistols, more environmentally-friendly since there is no paper wasted to make target cards and no more lead pellets. To me though, nothing beats the feel of actually letting fly one round. Damn I miss those days.

I would sure as hell want to volunteer as F1 pit/track crew when I have the chance.

Which brings me to what happens next. Year 2 of my studies, which would actually mean, by the time the next academic year ends, that I would have covered 1.5 years' worth of stuff in Australia. That which I am treading into unknown ground, and that which fills me with a sense of trepidation. Like I have told myself many many times, I doubt the distinctions or whatever would come easily, and for now, I'll just do my best. I must at least get a credit pass for everything on first attempt, right?

If all goes well, I would be able to transfer to Newcastle in 2012 and complete my degree there (albeit a tad slower than my peers). The only sticking point is the amount my parents are paying for my fees thus far, and the living expenses I would definitely incur over in Australia. Till date, my biggest failure would lie in my 'A' Levels (ranting again, aren't I?), which failed to secure me a much cheaper option in local universities and also totally vanquished my dreams of ANY scholarship (which would no doubt make education, whether here or overseas cheaper, and that the bond means job security for at least a while - I'm definitely not a bond-breaker!). I never retook my A's since I had that nagging feeling that I could not study while in the army (defeatist, or pragmatic?), which ultimately led to where I am today. So I end off with this cautionary note to myself to keep at it.

I wonder how the future would be like... (who doesn't?)

World War Z WAS INDEED A GOOD READ! :) I want Starcraft 2. And, may the powers that be bless my relatives. This is a trying time for all of us.