Leaving the Darkness, but entering the Light?

The Air Rifle outing yesterday with unprecedented attendance was enjoyable. :) Been spending my time gaming at home since last post. I bumped into Nikki, my primary school classmate at Marina Square! Cor, blimey, if she had not found me on Facebook I probably wouldn't even have recognised her that day. Her boyfriend was my primary schoolmate too, I knew who he was, but he didn't. So it was a *little* awkward. But who cares? :) We spied Taufik Batisah (winner, Singapore Idol Season 1) and Khairul Amri (footballer) at Zara shopping.

2008 is ending, and we step ahead into 2009. Many events have happened, world events strangely taking place in the latter half of the year, like the financial meltdown, Israeli airstrikes, reporter throwing shoe at (outgoing) President Bush, Obama's election, and whatnot. Other notable events include Mas Selamat's escape and the ensuing (fruitless, but tons? of illegal immigrants were nabbed instead) hunt for him.

Personally, well, Exercise High Noon '08 in Taiwan was memorable for its undying boringness during those 13 days, but the rest of the days in-camp, and on R&R were good too. Happy times, and sad times of torment and disgust within army life, and disillusionment with the SAF (perhaps it's my fault). Maybe I'll stick to the civilian side of things. Nothing really big has happened to me as far I can remember, but 2006-2008 has been particularly dark and dim, especially, 2007.

Hopefully 2009 will be a better year, and my most important wish for the upcoming year: Get a goddamned fucking place in university. I have to. I know I haven't exactly gotten off my ass to check out alternates like SIM and PSB (I do have on hand some info), and I should...

Cheers to all, here's to a good and fruitful year ahead?

BLOCLEAVEBLOCLEAVE!

Finally, leave is here! But I have duty on Christmas Eve. Sucks, but probably not as bad as people who need to pull shift on Christmas...

...Even though I don't celebrate it.

Well, it's good to be on leave, I spent so much (too much?) time on gaming (Falcon 4: Allied Force!) that I didn't come up here and pour out my random thoughts. As I booked out on Friday and boarded the MRT home, a father boarded the train (around Kallang) with his young daughter. The two of them were so cute! The daughter was asking her father to kiss her on the lips, and he did so. What a happy father-daughter pair. A Malay guy was watching them, and he was smiling. Me too, it's a happy sight to see indeed. Somehow just brightens your day. I smiled at the Malay too, and he did the same back at me knowingly. A father-daughter pair, a temporal connection between people of different races. Ahh...

Then I alighted at Paya Lebar.

And I sent Mexcel home after a gathering today (Tracy and Jin Yu, you two owe us a meal next time!!!! For abandoning us guys in need. :P). Driving home, alone, late at night where the roads were generally empty and under the falling rain... I felt a sense of peace and quiet.

It was good.

Pride. :)

Well, I got to go home late only because of a minor infringement of regimentation - not wearing of headdress when not under shelter. I was made to attend Staff Parade late at night, and that resulted in my leaving late. Well well well... wrong place, wrong time.

I left the gates, and charged to the bus stop because I saw a bus that I could board. But I failed to make it. Ran past a parent who was dropping off her kid at camp, and she drove up to the stop and offered me a ride to Jurong Point. How nice! :) I chatted with her and her mother/mother-in-law (i.e. the kid's grandmother I guess) while in the car, and I'm proud to say that I'm (not perfectly, but at least able to carry out a conversation) bilingual, and proud of the schools which I came from. :) Despite the fact that I hid some of the less... desirable elements of my past (inadvertently leaked out something, but hey, what's wrong with that anyway? I 'chose' a different path? It's all about perception...) Whatever.

I know, they all say don't board strangers' cars, but I guess this time round, I got lucky. Thanks to Bryan from 30SCE, help me say thank you to your mom! (there must be a couple of Bryans in there... :P)

The Day My World Stood Still

Originally planned for yet another melancholy post with a letter to Santa Claus about how much a bad boy I've been (since when did I start believing in him again?). Oh, how fast feelings can change. Over dinner, I decided to brighten up so here I am, posting something about nothing and not related to my title. :P

Had a 5 hour LAN party with my secondary schoolmates (Mostly with me from Sec One thru Four) and a couple of their friends. It was awesome! I think this is our second or third outing already, it's starting to become like a yearly pilgrimage to that cybercafe at Kembangan (it seems to have downgraded though, no more BF2: Special Forces to play) to play Battlefield 2 (again!) Sad to say, my shooting skills aren't that good and the cold only served to further increase my discomfort and reaction time.

I'm better supporting the team with Commander Abilities although this isn't what a professional commander might do in real games, I guess. Thanks, Min Khai for organising it, and thanks, guys for being there!

Other that that, I've recently started to watch Mobile Suit Gundam. The VERY FIRST Gundam series made, aired in 1979. It's very very old school! Contemporary anime/Gundam series have that polished feel to it when compared to this classic. And I dare say, SEED copied a lot of stuff wholesale... perhaps to draw in a new generation of young fans. Hmm...

Longish weekend :)

Went out with dear Aneru on Saturday. Ate, went to the beach to chat, and had a couple of driving mishaps along the way (My fault, mostly. Heh.) Stupid cyclist hit my wing mirror for very minor damage, then later sending her home I missed the Kallang MRT stop, and wrongly entered a slip road off PIE to head to CTE in the wrong way. Bad experience on CTE all the way to her home. It's really packed with vehicles! I'm going to avoid the CTE seven ways to Sunday from now on. Maaan... Thank goodness the trip home was easier.

Had my cousins come over today for a "housewarming" of sorts. Felt bored after everyone left so I ended up watching part of this japanese movie which was being broadcast on Arts Central's (now okto) FilmArt. It's a 2006 movie, titled "Udon", in which aspiring stand-up comedian Matsui Kosuke tries to make it big in New York, but fails and returns home to Sanuki, in Kagawa Prefecture, (which incidentally has a large concentration of udon shops) after 6 years. His stubborn father is displeased, and later on, in order to pay his debts, Kosuke has to work at a local magazine where he meets Miyagawa Kyoko (Konishi Manami - I paid attention to her real name because she's kinda cute hehehehe xD). Through a series of events, Kosuke and co. start a nationwide fad with udon, and see it through the end. Kosuke has to confront his father with his true feelings as the fad dies down... -> This is a rather bare-bones summary. It's a feel-good, warm and comedic documentary (90% shot on-location in Kagawa Prefecture itself -> did this start Japan's obsession with udon? I kinda crave a bowl now). I laughed, and teared... too emotional, I must be. :P. There was a pseudo-anime section about the fictitious character of Captain Udon, the fight scene was an obvious homage to The Matrix.

IMO, a real nice movie (feel-good movies usually garner good reviews from me :P). No place to buy and stuff though, only can watch at online archives, I guess, if I want to remember stuff.

Other than these I haven't really been doing much all these days. What should I do?

0235: Am looking at Denys and John's (still around but posting has stopped) blog, the January entries, and reminiscing about the fun things my orientation group did in schoole ven after orientation ended. Mass MSN conversations, outings and the like. I won't want to froget those days... Got me laughing. :)

It's always good to be home. :)

Yay for super-duper long weekend! Went for Air Rifle training yesterday (the 4th) and I realised it won't be a cakewalk this time because my worst fears were true: national shooters are shooting. Ong Jun Hong is an insurmountable odd, so individual placings will probably be hard to get. But hey, I'm still going to go in and shoot. It's fun! Mmm... other than that, spent day at home. Heh.

I AM HOME! And Jesus is in Heaven, but all's NOT right with the world...

My last exercise for my NSF days has finally concluded. Exercise Switchblade '08 is no more! Our Commanding Officer thanked the whole battalion for their efforts (however stupid, mundane, redundant, or useful) in his impromptu speech on Friday. Well, I guess everybody did their part. Burning weekends, yadda yadda yadda, forget it la hah. In service to the nation! : What matters most is that this is the end. No more exercises. I was so bored during those two weeks in camp, I could literally feel myself rotting away.

And I saw for myself how slack reservists can be. :) Watching movies the whole damned day in a briefing room (projector = free wide screen tv!). Hot damn! lulz.

Booking out on Friday, I was pretty high and ecstatic somehow, maybe because I really could smell freedom or something. All the way home, I was VERY happy. And definitely glad to see home. Ahh...

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (single player campaign) is fun, albeit it can trigger the FPS-induced nausea in me. I think it successfully portrayed the confusion in city battles and small-unit operations. I was very into my character... Some firefights were so chaotic, I didn't even know where everyone was! Every inch of ground had to be fought tooth and nail over (not to mention I am NOT exactly an expert FPS-player). The best part was of course, playing the AC-130 Weapons System Operator in one of the missions. You get a chance to experience (and the atmosphere is pretty detached and realistic) unleashing torrents of steel rain upon the enemy. Damned good shit, really.

And my heart goes out to the Singaporean lawyer, her husband and family. She was killed in Mumbai by the terrorists, who wanted to use her to deliver a message to the Indian government through Singapore, it seems. And when the Indian government responded in force, she died as a result. An innocent, young life snuffed out like that. These guys obviously knew what they were doing, given the way they moved and operated and assaulted their targets, and all were ready to die for their cause. But why?

I know that violence has always been the easiest means to settle anything since the beginning of mankind. But why is the world what it is today? Terror attacks over border issues, separatism, against the perceived overwhelming US hegemony. I am reading a book by Noam Chomsky, something I consider dissident literature because right from page 1, the US government comes under attack for its unilateralism, all for America to secure its domination over the entire world. The book also attacks democracy, perhaps to the extent that it can be argued as valueless. Somehow I find myself getting a little influenced by it. Is this part of the reason? Is it another perspective? I am very confused.

My feelings, too. Ah, the confusion...

Met up with Jonathan on Saturday. Haha, sharing BMT stories with one another. He's (finally!) enlisted. Teehee. Oh well. 71 days left for me! xD

I seem to have forgotten what else I wanted to say. But it shouldn't matter much. Signing off.

So I managed to get to book out. Yay!

But the next two weeks won't be good. Which brings me to what I mainly want to talk about. You see, my attitude towards my current obligation isn't all that good. Which reminds me of what my juniors and others had once been back in secondary school Scouting. Some of them hold positions as commanders, officers now, and I dare say, they are more serious and make better leaders and soldiers than I once was (leader), and ever could be (soldier); compared to my growing contempt and dislike for what I'm doing. Maybe it's just my lazy pessimistic self taking over. But it is going to be over soon. 86 goddamned days...

Either I have gone down the drain, or they have matured, or I have underestimated them in the first place (I always do, one of my biggest flaws perhaps). Maybe a combination of all 3.

I'm bad with kids and girls too. Don't know what to talk about.

Am not in a terribly bloggy mood. Always happens last-minute. Deeeaaaammmnnn.

Super-duper Confinement Never-Before Experienced Since BMT Ended

Thanks to SOMEBODY >.< taking sick leave, I have to stand in for him tomorrow looking after military equipment in a deserted camp on a freaking WEEKEND, and kick-starting my 3-week confinement by an additional day thanks to the major Exercise JackknifeSwissArmyKnifeWhatever that is going on. Never been in a camp for so fucking long since the confinement for the first 3 weeks in BMT. Back then, time passed faster (I guess) since you were practically busy from morning to night, and everybody was much friendlier back then (Platoon 4! I miss you guys, esp. my mates in Section 3!). To face your enemies now for 3 weeks, and to see the same old faces, sucks balls. And then I have to do laundry in camp. Blearghx. This isn't Taiwan, man.

Damn, I'm ranting. Fucking hell...

What else, what else? Episode 5 was okay for Gundam 00. Finally Ali The Maniac appears, and looks like Graham "Mister Bushido" Acre has the green light to freelance within A-LAWS. Bah.

AAAAAAAAAAAA! Next post when November ends.

"Wake me up... when NOVEMBER ends..."

YES!

I miscalculated. 99 days to ORD from today, and not last week. I attended my paternal cousin's wedding ceremony on Saturday (I woke up late, and was late as a result), arriving just in time to take some photos. People kind of look different in wedding dress/suits huh. Consequentially, this was the first time I met her (now husband) Tyron. It's a long, convoluted story and the taste of it still doesn't sit well with me, but I've got to give my best wishes, after all. Being the only person there who didn't know anyone else left me sulking in one corner and observing the crowd.

I don't think I can be good with kids, too. Heh. The mother-in-law let me hold their child for a moment, and he felt more like a lead weight than anything. I think I was holding him pretty awkwardly... I wanted him out of my hands more than anything before something bad happened. Haha.

Observing people treat people differently is strange. I mean, scolding a maid, then being so nice and genial to your nephew-in-law? Scary. I pray for the best.

I hope I don't fall into *that* trap in the future. Better I not commit, perhaps. I don't know what I feel about w075arh23mv5p983sex20fsevtrhwioeurh';kuv3pq though.

Well, after that, I went down to Park Lane Mall! Achtung! Japan Hobby wasn't open, but I found two wonderful shops which I can buy models from next time. No need to go all the way to Cineleisure anymore! Hobby Art Gallery at Sunshine Plaza (I thought it was in Ang Mo Kio!) and M Workshop at the same place! I got my Over Flag and am now building it. YAYS!

EDIT: VJ Homecoming. Not many 05/06 batch people around, mostly the 84s, 85s, the older people.

Birthday + long weekend!

Got splashed with water along with two other birthday boys on the 23rd... Just like last year, lol. Although we were prepared for it this time round. And bigger cake! Although I admit I was a tad irresponsible by running away to clean up after finishing my share of the cake... Hehe. Fun abound, yes, to my surprise I found it memorable, although Staff Sergeant Alex's camera died and I couldn't get the photos. Somehow there was a fight that got broken up quite easily.

Earlier in the afternoon, I sucuumbed to a SAF powder attack by my company mates and got dusted white from head to toe. My boots, uniform and everything were ruined... Wanted to take a photo of my beat up boots (worn since BMT, damaged by route march, and everyday usage. The rear cut almost smoothened out without any of the markings, the sides all peeling off in layers, holes where water can enter my boots, I can even see though the base of my boots. If I worn those to war, I think my boots wouldn't have saved me from a grenade blast. Heh.

Spent long weekend on Perfect World. Mini 4E gathering with Kai Him, Kai Dick, (Tan) Wei Quan, Hui Ping, Chia Wei, Ming Yong, Ming Hao, Jason and Jian Feng (the non-2A group 'cept for Jason xD). Reminiscing about what we did, funny stuff in secondary school, discussing army, and the world in general over lunch at Kuishinbo Suntec (OMG! MY POCKET...) was very good. Remember the day when we got awarded "Best Dressed Class" for Racial Harmony Day even though the whole goddamned class didn't bother to dress up for it, and wore school uniform? That's the ultimate. Still couldn't believe it happened, and Kai Him reminded us of it. Hahaha...

I want my Over Flag Gunpla model kit! Maybe I should make a trip down to Sunshine Plaza and stuff next book out. It's my own birthday present, hahaha. :) Ordering online kills. Episode 4 was exciting, yes. Although the cynics posted some pretty humorous stuff I found on the Net, like what science-fictiom/anime "generalisations" Gundam 00 has (e.g. "Wave Motion Gun - beam weapon that needs to 'suck in surrounding particles' to charge and can destroy real good", "Genki Girl", "Over-used Catchphrases" and so on. Hehe!)

98 days to ORD. Seems so long still, though. Oh dear...

Off! Yays. I am the win. gno3v4nh2y8v5024242-3v52-2u46

Applied to clear off these two days. Starting to get hooked onto yet another run-of-the-mill-but-with-better-graphics MMO: Perfect World. Damn, what keeps suckering me to go back to them? I think I'm hopelessly addicted. And to other stuffs. Otaku stuffs. Facebook! I need help.

I've been thinking about the direction this blog should be taking. Blogging about everyday life, which isn't too interesting, like every other run-of-the-mill blogs, doesn't sound too fun. How should I spice it up? Photos I will post on Facebook (not ready to release profile publicly yet, but can be searched and found).

I first started to encourage myself to keep a diary (lazy to write), and perhaps had a bit of exhibitionist streak to allow it to go online and be viewed by others. Heh. I blogged about anime, tried to review SEED DESTINY, but gave up about one-third the way into the series. Gunota died so no more anime news too, but GundamNews has sprung up in its place. Good.

I still don't know what I should talk about. I'm not a celebrity or anything so no one would feel really connected to my life, no? Unlike me and othrs > Eunice, for example. Oh well, I don't know. Maybe I'll just keep it like that. My own style. Blog... and not give a hoot. That's just the way it's meant to be, unwarped by world opinion?

I'm getting confused by what I'm typing.

Oh, I think it's a little late, but I've come to realise that I take after my parents as well. My mom's whinyness, my dad's stubbornness, and my own softness, or rather, inability to take action, perhaps nurtured when I was young and always gave in to my babysitter's kid. The only one-up I had against him was my grades, then. But I still gave in pretty much and kinda got bullied at times, too. Heh. It all sounds bad, no?

Settling In...

My first full weekend at new home. Lazy me didn't even get lunch today despite wanting to explore the other end of the road (away from the MRT station). I went to the Marine Parade barber to cut hair, probably for the last time until I scout out a good, new barber here in Paya Lebar. I'll miss the barber there, whom I've had my hair cut since Primary 2 (12 years), where the price of a haircut rose steadily from $6 to $8 (inflation? And $8 is the 'longtime customer rate'). Mr Shorty was my first fave barber until he left or retired (can't exactly remember when), then Mr Buff took over the shop. There was also another random Old Barber who cut my hair when Mr Buff wasn't around... then Mr Mediterranean came in and now I alternate between both of them depending on who's occupied. Mrs Hairdresser always remained there, never did she leave or change in my memory.

*sighs* Maybe I'll still go back there to cut. But to drive there = fuel consumed...

Episode 2 of Season 2 was good. Now we know Wang Liu Mei is a sick and twisted girl, and the 00 Gundam pwns everyone. Mighty cliché though, since the twin GN-Drives only managed to start up at the last minute and achieve operable synchronisation ratios. Only when the enemy was already going to bang up the Ptolemaios II. -> Can I say 'anime laws in effect'?

Yep, and that's that. Captain Tong (Yen Yen) finally arrived for her first day of work at my company, and she had a brief meet-and-greet just before we booked out. She's young, kinda cute and stuff, but IMO the first meeting was pretty awkward. She saw a couple of us during our exercise in Taiwan, and she tried to remember who those were. Well, I wonder how life goes on from here...

Signing off for now.

I'm started to get a little addicted to doing up my Facebook account. Just like how I did my Hotmail profile last time. Damnit! And I was supposed to eschew social networking... until I needed those photos.

A New Beginning

I finally moved on the 9th. Stupid guard duty made me only able to bookout on the 9th itself. And now I need to book back in because I have to shore up the gap caused by someone's inability to perform duty tomorrow. Bah. Well, unpacking is approximately 80% done. Second Season Episode 1 subs out, gets very quickly into the action. The whole world is calling the secret police "A-LAWS", although I think Arrows is a cooler name. Anyway, time to settle in and stuffs. And to unpack more. I'll be posting photos of my old place up on my Facebook account (started to do it up and use it) soon enough, I guess. Search for my name there, I'm not going to post a link as yet.

What else? Nothing much to talk about, I think. Oh, a late mention about Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam (more affectionately known as "JBJ" to all, our most vocal opposition leader who recently passed away). Eulogies and condolences from the government.

F1 looks like it was a success, although Ferrari's mistake cost them dearly. Alonso shot to the top instead! Can't think of anything to comment about now, I hate last-minute blogging.

A Huge Trip Down Memory Lane

With block leave and stuff, and a huge trip down memory lane as I started to pack to move to my new home. Going through photos, notes, belongings I never touched in years... Gosh. And I'm not throwing a lot of things away, even. And there's still a bit more to go.

Gundam 00 Second Season Episode 1 debuted today! I watched the raw, and understood only like, 3% of the whole damn thing. But hot damn... here's what I spotted.

-Louise Halevy is now a 2nd? Lieutenant with the Federation special task force, "Arrows". Made her first kill, then got so traumatised that she was effectively out of combat for the rest of her screen time. She had to take pills (sedatives?) later on. If both her arms were working, somebody must have given her a prosthetic.

-Livonze Almark was spotted commenting on Louise. May be her "benefactor", therefore meaning Louise is a Innovator agent.

-The new character Regene Regatta is an Innovator. She was depicted ushering Wang Liu-Mei to meet with Livonze.

-Setsuna apparently went MIA with Exia for four years... replacing its stabbed eye with a eerie-looking red glowing one. And that tattered cloak! This Exia-mod rocks xD. Too bad it got toasted already for the appearance of the 00 Gundam.

-Setsuna saved Saji from Federation spider-droid like thingies. Saji later wanted to kill him, after all, he blames Celestial Being for causing his then-girlfriend Louise to lose her left hand, and the death of his own sister.

-Sergei Smirnov took Soma Peries in as his own daughter (or something like that, they were living together). Looks like Sergei's kid joined the Arrows.

-Everybody has spanking new ships now. The Ptolemaios II looks like the Girty Lue from SEED DESTINY though.

-Tieria appears in the Seravee to pwnz some MS!

-Graham Acre was mumbling some shit, and his face was like, all masked up (back to Gundam masked-blonde-man tradition again!)

-No appearance of Ali.

- Sumeragi depicted waking up on Billy's bed. Damn you lucky bastard with a busty girlfriend! :P

-Felt's new shirt (pink) kinda clashes with her hair (pink)

-That kid, I think Ian's daughter, replaced the deceased Christina as Ptolemaios' Bridge operator (comms and the like).

Yays. No comments on OP yet, I still need time to sink things in. And then to book in. Erg.

In-out-in-out

Back to camp so fast! My last weekend guard duty seemed like aeons ago. Booking back in on Saturday again, oh dear. Well, after IUAWC, we're now selected to represent 3rd Division in the Inter-Formation Air Weapons Competition. It's gonna be fun. :) Otherwise, I NEED TO PACK PACK PACK SOON! OMFG STOP PROCRASTINATING.

Oh, and Gunota Headlines closed down after 5 years (last month, even!). It was my only reliable and easily accessible source of Gundam-related news (without it, I wouldn't have known about SEED, SEED DESTINY, Stargazer and 00) for most of the 5 years... Well, there's MAHQ left, and GundamNews rises to take Gunota's place! Yay! The flame hasn't died out yet...

Hectic

Woo, midweek and I get to be back for a bit! Then it's off to camp for a stupid Standard Obstacle Course which I can't pass (maybe I should rebel and just run slowly), then back, then off for guard duty, then back, then block leave and preparations for moving house. Busy. And I need to start notifying all the government bodies and stuff of address change. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a one-stop service for every damn thing? Like, obscure magazine subscriptions, government services, everything! Just notify once, and that's that. Ahh...

Inter Unit Air Weapons Competition was fun. We shot and shot, and completely overwhelmed our opponents. :) Partly because all of us had experience and the rest didn't. Max was too damned good, I was never able to close the 20-point gap between me and him. But the team gold for air rifle and pistol was ours, we bagged the top three positions for individual rifle (I was 2nd), and first and fourth individual for pistol. Luckily only 30 shots, I doubt without training I would have lasted a standard 60-shot competition. But there was finals, my first time playing that, and with a 15 second engagement window, my heart was pumping so bad! Hee, exciting. :)

Memory Lane

Everyday, I take many trips down memory lane. Memories of good times assault me, and the feeling leaves me... melancholic. Well it's official now. I'll be moving on October 9. I'm gonna have to take some photos of this place before I go. And I need to pack. Oh...

Footnote entry about Mid-Autumn Festival. Little mooncakes, little tea consumed this time round. Lol. And this is dated one week late, even.

Footnote entry about the September 11 attacks that took place 7 years ago. Condolences to all who died in the attacks, and the rest who died AS A RESULT of the events that followed after the attacks (the 2nd Iraq War, Afghanistan, etc etc.) Thank God the terrorists didn't manage to crash Flight 93 into its intended target.

Inter-Unit Air Weapon Competition familiarization shoot on Tuesday was fun! I got to use the compressed air rifle, hot damn! It took the army to allow me to visit Vivocity, and now this! What I always dreamt of using... I shot pretty well I guess, averaging a 8.4, which, I guess is acceptable decay after two years and without boots. Yays. Gong to Yishun SAFRA was like homecoming. That short, cute clerk whom I met two years ago still works there too!

And no visitors since I released my blog out. I may have to re-enable search engine crawling, but that sucks. Don't wanna get harrassed yet. Not so ready. Ending for now.

Bring it on!

Now two weeks late, I'd first like to wish all teachers a Happy Teachers' Day. I guess my luck is in the people I meet. My teachers, all of them, and my closer friends (hence, the Inner Circle :P). Aannyway, farewell also to the Jurong Camp E-Mart Uncle, affectiontately referred to as "Garfield Uncle", whose bumbling inefficiency and quirky behaviour caused many a moment of frustration, yet a begrudging... how do you say... a begrudging like for this fellow. He's funny! Well, the new people taking over the E-Mart include a cute girl amongst them, so I'm not complaining. :P

The week was tiring, especially, since unfit ol' me can't handle more than 1x SOC in one week. Need rain on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, man. :) Silent Hunter 4 occupied most of my time again, this time with me editing game files to cheat. Muahaha. Can't stand the bugginess any longer. Anyway, there was a VJ Air Rifle Club (us the 05-06 batch) gathering on Saturday, to see off Maryann who leaves for the UK to resume her second year of law studies on Wednesday, and also to celebrate Mr Chow's 42nd birthday. Happy Birthday Mr Chow! The girls, whom I haven't seen in quite a while, look... pretty much the same. Haha. I must make special mention of Mavis, who looked pretty darned good with that little dress of hers, and the huge, black-rimmed spectacles. Wah wah!

After the gathering, I felt once again like I don't have a life... *sighs* Today was spent on gaming and Strike Witches. The plot got predictable towards the end with some effort on the producer's part at creating some conflict to be resolved in 3 episodes. I was correct in my prediction on all counts so far. All in all, despite predictable plot and tons of fanservice (with strategically-placed items/effects (e.g. fog) masking the sensitive areas of the Witches in nude scenes), Strike Witches is an enjoyable romp, something relaxing before I go back to something serious. Death Note and Gundam 00, perhaps? It was fun to know the WWII references (like Easter Eggs!).

Other than that, I think all's just... like that. I visited my new house for the first time and I realised the rooms are horribly small! Like, half the size of my current one. It feels almost like a prison... This isn't a complaint, just an observation. I'm going to to have to live there soon, anyway. Haven't packed my stuff. I don't want to move...

And I'm re-opening my blog once again. Renaming it, too. Lets see what you got...

Oh, and after so many years (8? 9?) of eschewing social-networking websites (like Facebook, Friendster... I know I have a MSN profile, but that's just that, among other blank accounts that I used to make because of online games, etc etc, like what, Zorpia?), I finally decided to make a Facebook account (blank for now, maaaaaaaaaaybe I'll do it up sometime) so I can see other people's profiles...

Bah.

What a pissifying week. I must return on Sunday to support Exercise Hellfire. And an unproductive weekend with Silent Hunter. Stupid Balao. Stupid Tambor... now I'm back to a Porpoise. Hopefully the time spent this time round won't go to waste. Am I addicted?

Normal normal, frustrating bugs.

Booked out early on Thursday for Friday company cohesion at Sentosa. Everybody ended up splitting into groups to play one of the following: beach volleyball, beach soccer, frisbee, or just random slacking around in the background. Well, I took my first foray into Vivocity finally (and it took joining the Army to do just that). Sentosa has changed since God-knows-when-I-last-went-there (when Musical Fountain was still Musical Fountain?)

Then I spent the weekend slacking. Silent Hunter 4 occupied most of my attention. Prety damned frustrating when it crashes here and there and you didn't save at the correct moment, or a huge amount of spamming "P"s for periscope depth and "S" for surfacing when you have a ton of holes in your sub, your damage control teams trying to fix bulkheads and you trying to get the hell away from pesky destroyers escorting a task force in which you just sank two battleships and a heavy cruiser. My crowning achievment thus far... 100,000 tons of shipping (war and merchant) sunk in a single patrol! I doubt it happened like that in real life... :P

Did take Mom's car out for a spin, and I just went and had a ride on the Singapore Flyer today. Well, the view from down low to up high was just... what you'd expect from a place up high. Or maybe it was just me. My cousin and I spent the whole time talking and pointing at stuff here and there. Then it was off to lunch and a cruise around Singapore River, not listening to the guide blabbing about landmarks, and trying to shake the feeling that you're a tourist in your own country off. And all these with a bunch of aunties and uncles. :P *sighs*

What a busy day to keep going out and out and out.

Negativity, once again. Hah.

Lets start off with the Olympics. Beijing 2008 is over, and the chase for the the ultimate sporting glory resumes once again at London 2012. Well done Team Singapore! For bringing home a medal we haven't seen in 48 years (and I didn't read the papers for the past 3 days :P). Of course, notable mentions would be the swimmers, Tao Li, Quah Ting Wen, etc etc, and very obviously, our paddlers, successful products under our Foreign Talent Scheme. I wonder what would have happened if Ng Ser Miang managed to poach Zhang Yining back then. Since citizenship is a choice and they have currently decided to represent us this way, then I shan't comment further, I guess. Heh. Well, also, pats on backs all around for our representatives who sweated it out and did their best in providing some competition for the others at the Olympics, too.

I managed to get Silent Hunter 4: Wolves of the Pacific downloaded and working (barely! It still crashes once in a while). It's pretty immersive and realistic (if you want it real, you can even calculate your own torpedo firing solutions and stuff like that). I felt as if I was really a submarine commander fighting the Japanese in the Pacific. So lonely... :P

Army Half Marathon was okayish. Lots of hot girls to look at. Yays. :) Hmm, Elaine came along with her NUS friends too. Pint-sized Elaine, packing lots of... er... strengths in that small, lithe(?) frame of hers. Teehee! (studies... studies! Among others. What were you thinking about?) I did the 10km Sheares Bridge Run, since it was mandated so, by "higher-echelon command", that people who looked for Mas Selamat can only run 10km. :P Didn't see any others that I recognised. Too many people! You could see the backs of heads stretching off far ahead, and like, gazillions of faces behind you. I wonder how many participated.

And my slack life is so gonna go downhill. Ramping up for exercise! :(

filledwiththoughtsfilledwiththoughtsmustgetthemout

And what a day to post about every damn thing. I've got a million and one things to rant about, some I've ranted before, others something new. Lets get it started. I'm going to rant about the Army once again. because the disillusion with it cuts deep. When the organisation you serve doesn't take care of its own (as it's supposed to be, it's a long story and the details I shall not post here, despite now being a private blog), it ceases being an organisation to aspire working in. MINDEF needs talent, yes, but talented people and good bosses are at the top. Where are the understanding mid-level managers, the field commanders. We have flag-grade officers, yes, but we need more mid-level people. Judging by how the SAF focuses on education as a measure of your ability (and hence, rank), this isn't likely gonna happen. We ain't gonna get no mid-level talents. But for every shadow, there is light. There is hope out there. Maybe it's just 3 Signal that's fucked up.

I've also been forced to eschew my previous way of life. I must re-learn all that I have learnt at Signal Institute because I have been transferred to an operational detachment instead of a supporting detachment. Life is going to become hard, because I have a phobia for setting up. I hate setting up! Especially in the dead of the night. Can't handle it physically. But what gives? Suck thumb. What can I do but take it in my stride?

On to something happier. Singapore finally made history, securing our first medal in 48 years in the table tennis women's doubles semifinals on Friday! Our team (of foreign-talent imports) managed to beat Korea 3-2 overall to secure a place in the finals, and at least a silver medal. We've got nothing to lose, we have to go all-out, and hopefully beat China. Is that wishful thinking? :P A bit of xenophobia sets in because these are after-all, foreign talent imports. I dug up a bit on Tan Howe Liang (our weightlifting silver at the 1960 Olympics) and I found out that he had come to Singapore from Shantou, China too. When he was 14, to be exact, in 1937. I guess I should stop being as such because they are Singapore citizens, after all, be it whether they have been here one year, or ten years, or whatever. Cheer on for Singapore? Li Jiawei credits her achievements to Singapore, and yes, we have indeed nurtured her along the way and stuffs. Trivia: Our women's coach is the brother of China's women's coach. Lets see the big fight tonight.

*Phelps is sensational! 8 golds! + 6 from Athens, = 14! OMG.

Decadent me doesn't have a future. My mother has been rubbing fresh salt into the raw wound ever since I was in Secondary 3, more so after my A levels. She is the architect of the misery that I built for myself. I think I am too shallow to see past what lies beneath though. Silently I berate myself for all this, AND not doing anything to further stall my slide. A parasite.

I WANT TO SHOUT IT ALL OUT LOUD, I CAN'T BOTTLE ALL THESE IN ME ANYMORE. I MIGHT JUST SNAP...

I HAVE NO RIGHT, I HAVE NO SAY, I LONG TO BE FREE ONE DAY. FROM THE SHACKLES OF LIFE, BUT NOT UNTO THE WELCOME GRASP OF DEATH. NOT YET. まだまだだね。

Blogging frenzy!

The papers today ran several pages of raving reviews and reports about the National Day Parade and it's success, once again. For the first time in 40 years (yes, it happened back in 1967), there was rain at the parade! Although the heaviest part of it fell before the main parade segments started...

Everybody interviewed were happy to be at the parade. Even Mr Choo Khoon Hock (sp?) the guy featured in the papers who has been to every NDP, tickets or not, managed to get tickets last minute thanks to a member of the public. The performers were happy that they were performing in front of the whole country, and so on. Foreigners (foreign workers, students, and the like), gathered around (or inside, for the few lucky ones who got tickets) the Marina Bay floating platform to watch and immerse themselves in the festive atmosphere. That's a good sign.

Well, special mention goes to the fireworks this year with the circle and the S inside, ostensibly representing Singapore and the Singapore Spirit? (I maintain my previous stand that the fireworks display was... normal. They say the Olympics one was a spectacle, but I didn't watch and it's a different scale of comparison so no comments.) I wouldn't mind helping out at the NDP though, be it in the SAF, or not. Unfortunately I ORD in February, and unlike a certain Artillery Officer from last year, I DO have qualms abotu extending my ORD for SIX MONTHS to help out. But I will try to find a way to become a volunteer, I guess. It will be an eye-opening experience, indeed.

I finally caught the Olympics bug. Saw the 10m APW (air pistol - women) finals on TV today. Pretty darned exciting... The Russian made a mistake on her second shot (8.5!!!!), but clawed her way back to close within 0.5 points of the Chinese competitor, but faltered at the last 4 shots shooting 9-pluses compared to the Chinese's 9-pluses, and a magnificent 10.8 that all but sealed her victory. The bronze medallist, a Georgian should have special mention too, because the Chinese averaged 10.2 for the finals and she averaged I think a 10.1 or something like that. She only got third because she didn't shoot as well for the qualifying. And with the Russian-Georgian conflict going on, seeing the competitors so friendly here at the Olympics is definitely heartwarming (the commentators mentioned that, too). Politics set aside for the sporting spirit...

http://en.beijing2008.cn/news/sports/headlines/shooting/n214524276.shtml - full report on the event. Final results: Gold - GUO Wenjun, China. 492.3 points (102.3 finals), Olympic Record. Silver - Natalia PADERINA, Russia. 489.1 points Bronze - Nino SALUKVADZE, Georgia. 487.1 points. I didn't hear the comments clearly, but I think Natalia was the reigning world champion, or something like that. Well, not any more. Shooting is probably the only thing I will keep track of, since I'm not really into sports and stuff. :P (maybe some of the martial arts, I will look, too? :)) I'm curious to find out how a trap shooting competition works as well. A certain someone by the name of Sandy once said in my face that he didn't think shooting (the air weapons events) was a sport, because shooters don't sweat. THAT IS WRONG. Because the range is air conditioned, that's why we sweat less. The comfort is there so as to allow you to focus on shooting. Rifle shooters still sweat, definitely, I know I did even though there was air con and my hands were cold and clammy. I sweated in my jacket. But I don't think he meant sweating of that kind (due to the oppressive heat of being stuck in the shooter's jacket). I think he saw shooting as something that doesn't require much physical exertion. True, it's not as fierce as your soccer, but the mental strain is there, just like any other sport. We train ourselves to be able to hold our weapons properly with as little strain as possible, and also to maintain a healthy heart (heartbeats can affect your shooting, just ask any shooter. You get excited, your heart pounds, your head pounds = you're screwed.) All in all, I feel he fails to see deeper into shooting and with only a shallow level of understanding, misjudged and wrongful comments are made. Very annoying, indeed. Shooting is a sport in my opinion. It is another avenue where people can engage each other in a test of skill, determination, luck and so on.

Trivia: When the shooting finished, the range was cleared so the crew could come in, clean up, and prepare the rostrum. I managed to catch the WCG 2005 Theme Song, "Beyond the Game", playing through piped music just before they gave out the medals! xD Teeheehee.

Someone define 'sport' for me then, please? >.>

I should be less cynical.

Happy 43rd, Singapore! XXIX (Summer) Olympics (i.e. Beijing 2008)... among others.

Today is our nation's 43rd birthday! A day to reflect upon past achievements, and to celebrate our continued survival and existence. To reflect upon the past, to live for the present, and to plan for the future. Woke up at 1pm, because I was so tired out after the marksmanship test yesterday (reached home at midnight). Went to aunt's home to watch the parade. Kudos to all who participated and helped make it a success, again. But I don't feel anything for the performances anymore. I seriously only pay attention to the military parade segment. Maybe it's because I like the pomp and pageantry of a military parade. The performances kind of just feel the same each year (maybe I'm not a performance person)... hell, even the fireworks this year looks... normal.

Having watched just a snippet of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games opening ceremony last night, the magnitude of that cannot be compared to our own NDP. Ours will feel like peanuts when you place both events side by side. But of course, the scale at which they are conducted is different. The NDP is well done for Singapore standards.

Not much into Olympic fever too, anyway. I'll only mention the 10m air rifle and air pistol events (so far). 10m ARW (air rifle - women) won by Czech Republic (report on Yahoo.com), 10m APM (air pistol - men) won by China. Saw a bit of the swimming heats and stuff at aunt's home too.

I went for my first Combat Shoot yesterday. It's a mixture of team and individual segments, the individual segments being the Instinctive Action Drills where you engage targets at around 50m. The team segments has you and your detail firing at targets from foxholes at a distance of 100m, both in the day and at night (couldn't see anything!) My team scored 57% overall, second highest of the Combat Shoot 1 details that day. Well, we passed. And that's all that matters. Getting Marksman is just a bonus. After 98 rounds, and one night's sleep, my right shoulder now hurts because of repeated slamming-intos by the rifle butt. Ouch. :P

Reading a book about reading people. Am applying what I've learnt to myself first. Hmm... I'm quite a crappy person. Heh. Oh well. Whatever. :P

That's all for now, updates if necessary.

While we celebrate and be happy, we must not forget about the horrors of nuclear war. Nagasaki was bombed on this day in 1945... It must never happen again.

Ahh... Home.

Finally got to kiss my bed after two stupid weeks in camp. How nicee... :) Went to watch Red Cliff (赤壁) with my mom yesterday, too. It's an epic movie indeed... the battle scenes were shot beautifully, and everything else about the movie was generally good. Except for the fact that Takeshi Kaneshiro looks too pretty (even with a goatee!) to be playing the master strategist Zhuge Liang @ Kung Ming. Guan Yu and Zhang Fei looked exactly like I thought they would look like, kudos to the people who found these guys and their make-up crew for turning them into the much-loved characters in the Chinese classic.

My first foray into the Kallang Leisure Park too. There's this place up on the third floor called Memory Lane or something like that, chock full of antique stuff from Singapore's history, like old irons, claypots, memorabillia (CDs, gramophones, etc etc), even the Boys' Brigade cap badge which was selling for $25 (hey, I still have mine! :)).

Anyway, if you're ever watching a movie at Filmgarde@Kallang Leisure Park cinema 6, please avoid seat C11 because there's something up on the ceiling that keeps dripping (faulty air con piping, must be!). Kinda irritating...

I visited the doctor today to finally get something for the stupid cough plaguing me. There was a new GP (general practitioner, for the uninformed) at Faith Family Clinic, and he's rather clumsy. Like the bumbling cute of Mr Bean... He mistook correction tape for air con remote, and pressed at it to no avail, then when he left the office, the door somehow locked on him and he couldn't get back in! xD. He tried to enter from the counter side but he pushed the swinging door the wrong way and it jammed on him initially.

I couldn't help but keep smiling.

This is the happiest I am in two weeks, although I'm rather bored still. And I still dislike camp for the many reasons I've hinted at or outrightly whined about before.

Anotherlongishweekomg

Long week again even though I only spent 4+1 days (last day on guard duty) in camp. The days just dragged by... I was going bonkers already. Nothing to do...

Guard duty was freaking scary. I thought I was done for when I pulled a stunt and got caught (secret!), that I'd burn my weekends away but thank goodness it won't be upchannelled.

On the other hand, I ate my first okonomiyaki (beef tendon, "Suji") on Friday at Jurong Point's Japanese Food Street (forgot full name). It's not too bad, eggy, and cabbagy and oniony and beefy and stuffs. Very rojak-ish, but nice. :) Go wiki "okonomiyako", please. (I did!)

Caught Cavin Soh, Michelle Chia, Pornsak and Jocie Guo (unconfirmed) filming some random variety show that same day. Followed them around like a kaypoh Singaporean 'cos I had nothing better to do.

Such a short bookout. AARGH.

A longish week

Got involved in this exercise that had me stuck at Pasir Laba Camp (with not a single soul around) for most of the weekend. Did nothing except sleep sleep and sleep, and the occasional PSP or DS borrowed from Sheng Chao or Kenny when they were sleeping or doing something else themselves. A total waste of time.

Got conned out to meet Reagan to eat and ostensibly to watch Red Cliff, but ended up being dragged to listen to recruitment talks and product demos by Enyouth, a company purportedly doing single-level marketing, but is actually multi-level marketing in disguise. Just one thread on SGForums was enough to prove its bad track record (bias? I don't think so). I'm sorry Reagan to have slammed you and your dreams so hard, but I saw the flip side of the coin. I won't join.

Took today off though...

Bah.

Here we go, here we go again.

Looking forward (as in, looking into the future, and not really wanting it to come) to a full week's stay in camp. Aargh... Well at least two of the days will be spent on an exercise. o.o I failed IPPT, and all my worries for the static stations were unfounded. I cleared them all. But running killed me, I failed by a measly 15 seconds. Bah. Other than that the week ended pretty fast, we had bowling for the third (? lost count.) round of company cohesion. Everybody just wanted to go home so I guess everyone bowled at full speed. Never before have I seen 11 lanes full of bowlers coming and going, the pace felt almost too fast. Haha. :)

Other than that, I finished some rather boring games over the weekend. Spaceforce: Rogue Universe was one of them. Mediocre story, a bit too intelligent and difficult to kill AI (not satisfying), and basically Freelancer-like. Gave up on Jetfighter V. But I GOT STARLANCER! Awesome. Frustrating at times, though. :)

Oh, and I got my first whiff of ORD! I finally made Corporal. (Although the actual promotion was on June 16, we were busy with something and had no time to confirm our promotions + receive our rank insignia). Our Sergeant-Major insisted on a mini-parade for all promotees to receive the cloth insignia from our Officer Commanding (and to 'march off proud'), and everybody screwed up (me too, on the return trip. :P). Oh well.

-Superdog
-CPU?
-Etymology of the word "Corporal"

It's over.

Hmm, looks like the Indonesian cops managed to catch some of Mas Selamat's accomplices (JI members too) in Indonesia. Hopefully they'd eventually lead up to Mas Selamat himself, so we can all call it a day and spare all SAF personnel (as well as the police, yadda yadda yadda) from further sufferance.

I finally went out and bought a custom-made CPU (albeit at great cost). It rocks! 'Nuff said. Will probably blog about it when I get back.

Must remember to talk about the hotdog rules too.

*sighs* I hate booking in. IPPT's around the corner, I hope I don't fail it. Haven't exercised in God knows how long...

My search for a replacement CPU, and SAF Day.

So yesterday was SAF Day.

While the generals and ministers fret over how to overcome the challenges faced by an army today, and in which direction to point the SAF to for the future, we, the enlisted personnel, specialists and commissioned officer corps shall continue to perform our duties. We take this opportunity to dedicate a minute to remember our fallen comrades, our brothers-in-arms, who have given their lives in the service of the nation, accidental or otherwise.

And also, to all the people who continue to man our radars, patrol our borders, our waters, our skies, and to the rest of the uniformed services, who continue to ensure Singapore's soverignty, and law and order as life goes on. May the powers that be bless us all.

Anyway. I've been searching for a replacement CPU (I think I need not replace my monitor, speakers and keyboard anyway, since they all still work - only my CPU is dying - Maybe after I move, then I may consider buying the rest). Got a pretty nice quotation from Techpro at Sim Lim Square (reliable, I hope?), biased towards it versus Multisys. Or should I buy a stock chassis from Dell? Well, I could use this opportunity to gain some experience in customised CPU assembly, buying from a store with a mish-mash of the best stuff instead of from a computer retailer with generic (I hear, motherboards?) and slightly lousier (?) stuff (but they do sell stock chassis with good parts...). Maybe I'll just try ths custom-CPU for this time, and hope it lasts 4-5 years before I change again. After all this Acer I'm using is about 4 years old already.

I replied to the Dell salesperson that I didn't want the stuff yet, so I think there's no issue on that side.

I want to believe.

I want to believe that the general public views the uniformed services positively. I want to believe that our armed forces are capable of assisting our diplomats in maintaining the sovereignty of our country, or else we'd have been forcibly taken over already. Time to get a little more serious with soldiering. :P

Heh.

Gripes

Well, I had a chat with a certain police staff sergeant from somewhere (note intentional vagueness), and I realised the grass isn't as green on the other side as one thinks. Listening to his gripes about his work, pay, and inter-service rivalry (like how inefficient the Coast Guard were - no offense) makes me worry. And it just feels like the Army, too. All too similar.

Only thing worse is they have to deal with the public much more. It seems like the police have reduced powers these days thanks to complaining 'taxpayers' (hey, don't the police pay taxes too?), and nosy people who complain about the slow reaction time of police officers and illegal parking (when you're attending to a case, you can't illegal park, then of course response time is increased!), bla bla bla... among others. With the proliferation of easily accessible media, say, STOMP (Straits Times Online Media Portal), many things can happen. The police (and the Home Team by extension) is inward-looking, and are much more visible than the public, and probably prone to more criticism. Can't we all get along? Grr. Complaints, complaints (I know, I'm quite whiny myself). Better to cooperate with policemen than give them trouble.

So many recent cases, dealing a blow to the Home Team (the Police and Civil Defence, also including the Prisons Service, Immigration and Checkpoints Authority and such)... First our dear Malay friend, then the two crazy f**kers who tried to escape while on trial, and now the recent 'wrong passport' case... Damn. We're a complacent bunch, aren't we?

I love my cousins. :)

I experienced what it feels like to be an illegal immigrant.

Two days ago
Minivan small
Many people rushed
Me too (why, I had no idea. Shouldn't have. Argh. I despise myself for doing that.)
No space, got squished and squashed
Squatted on the floor of minivan for whole of journey (20+ minutes)
When the door opened
I tumbled out
legs numb
pins and needles in my soles
What an embarrassment *--*
Totally spoiled the image of the SAF.
Eep.

Outclassed, outside, out of the loop.

Had a small gathering today with my classmates from secondary 2 (wow, we've all known each other for what, 7 years already). Yen Ling, Ami, Sheryl, Lynn, Jin Yong, Min Khai, Jeldine and me. Played captain's ball at Pasir Ris Park but ended up talking because well... I guess no one was really in the mood to play. :P

Then we moved to Downtown East's Superdog (will post something about it tomorrow) to eat dinner, and talk more. And then to White Sands MacDonald's, to eat ice cream and talk. Catching up, talking about new stuff, this and that.

It sucks to know just how far you have fallen. My darkest days, they aren't over.

We bumped into Samuel Sia later on. Heh. Commandos get all the fame. :P lol.

Oh well...

I think I've fallen a little deep into the depths of antisociality. I think I show some anti-social behaviour. :P I'm deluding myself otherwise, mmm? Aneru, where are you?

Reminder to link Wong JJ when the time is right.

Oh, and I drove myself to Pasir Ris and back today! Felt the driving bug so I decided to take my mom's Piccanto (with her blessing) out for a spin. And alone, too! Mmm... and expressways and coupons and stuff. Although I forgot where I parked so I ran around the multi-storey carpark trying to search for it praying it didnt get stolen and mashing the lock/unlock keys, until I got in range and heard the car. Thank God... hehe. Muddleheaded me.

Accidents and Deaths

Foolowing up my recent post offereing condoloences to the family members of the 2 SAF personnel who died in training, today marks the 2nd anniversary of the death of Lieutenant Lionel Lin Shiguan, a regular Commando officer who died during swimming training this day in 2006 (I happened to spot the memorial posted in the obituaries section so I went to do a search).

Mishaps always happen, don't they? There are safety guidelines and all, but is it all down to dumb luck, or complacency? I know we all (even I), take things for granted.

Speaking of which, I have been wondering about the practice of posthumous promotion (world standard is one rank, but I don't know why people in the SAF tell me 2 ranks, but with the recent cases that happened - even those deaths in Taiwan - they all got promoted by one rank posthumously):

You see, the Singapore Armed Forces recently introduced (to the best of my knowledge) the rank of Corporal First Class (CFC), a grade above Corporal (CPL). It's more of a lateral movement rather than upwards, just like in the US Army, with the ranks of Specialist (SPC, E-4 pay grade) and Corporal (CPL, same pay grade). I'm not sure if regular soldiers can attain the rank of CFC, I seem to remember a publication stating it was possible but all I've seen and heard so far are NSFs (full-time national servicemen) reaching that rank.

- on additional foresight, I think CPLs can command in the US Army, but not SPCs. Hmm.

Anyway, that brings me to my question. Does a SAF CPL get posthumously promoted to CFC while dying in the line of duty, or to 3rd Sergeant (3SG), which is the logical rank directly superior to that of CPL?

Without doing research, I also wonder the same for the US Army. Specialists to Sergeants, or to Corporals? - Wikipedia mentions that SPCs skip the rank of CPL and get promoted to SGT instead, but that's for people who are alive...

*ponders* Of memories and fantasies...

Condolences to the (now Second Lieutenant and pilot) former officer cadet, and former recruit (probably promoted to Private, posthumous) who died during training. No offence, but notice how the media revolved around only 2nd Lt. Clifton and not Pte. (Andrew?). Sensationalism?

Well, I dreamt of being a pilot too. Since primary school. I didn't achieve that dream. Clifton did, albeit in death.

Ah well.

I've been having so much fantasies. Too much sci-fi for me. And when I earn enough money, I'm going to donate some to the universities that rejected me, out of spite. Ugh, evil huh? As ip I can earn that much. Better not talk big.

I am reminded of how I fell into the school pond twice when I was in Primary One. Once I know I fell in myself, the other time, perhaps I was pushed in? I don't know. What a memory.

My first brush with multi-level marketing.

How the hell did Venture Era get my handphone number?

Gunslinger Girl is indeed a cult classic. Superbly done.

Don't know if I can say the same for Gunslinger Girl -Il Teatrino-.
-It has a more modern feel to it, the styles prevalent in recent anime. Less piano music, more rock/synthesizer type -> less of a gritty, depressed feel -> but the music's stille excellent though
-The OP and ED ain't so emo anymore :(
-The girls all become more moé, kinda bad. Weapon depictions aren't as beautiful as that in Season 1
-Two episodes watched so far and not too emo yet.
-WHY DO THEY STOP AT EPISODE 7! JUST FREAKING SUB IT AND DAMN FUNIMATON'S LICENSE! T_T
-*sighs*

The Internet is powerful.

The internet is powerful, very powerful. What I've seen up till now is only the tip of the iceberg. There are many tools out there, powerful ones indeed...

EDIT @ 1406: I've reenabled most of the stuff. And that bird flew away!

ADDENDUM 070608: Origami is fun. Gunslinger Girl is t3h godly.

I saw my life flash past me... and my first blackmail experience as a victim. :(

There I was
sitting at the back, on the left.
He always speeds
even on turns.
A sharp left turn
things went toppling
my bag too.
I got up
tried to save everything.
Lost balance, fell forward
Tried to get up
momentum cancelled it
Forced back down onto the floor
terrified.
He accelerated
and I slid along the floor forward.
Banged up my knee.

What an experience. Man... seat belts are a must. And never give a damn about those transportable stores now. Ugh.

I was blackmailed with a virus yesterday. Spent most of the night trying to get the fucker to remove it. It's done. My paranoia is reaching new heights, I need to scan and make backups very very soon.

Uselessness, Rage, Jealousy and Fraility

I have this sense of competitiveness proably nurtured since young. But as I got older, I just started to let loose. But that's still that streak in me, perhaps. I'm ranting now because once again I am feeling particularly useless after yet another comparison between myself and my cousin, neighbours (thanks Mom and Dad, it's not your fault, I just like putting myself through internal turmoil. I'm still sane, am I not?). I tried to salvage a bit of my pride using little insignificant things, but how shallow is that? Oh, you fucker.

Gosh, why am I even posting this? Isn't blood thicker than water? Am I supposed not to harbour ill feelings towards my family members? My Mom's health isn't very good lately, it's rather worrying deep inside.

How does one find one's goals, dreams, ambitions? I've only ever held one such, and it was crushed (there's still a chance at salvation but the road is long and hard. If I ever have the chance to reach it, I will still grab it). Right now I have no aim and I'm just yet another wallflower wandering the streets and alleys of Life (First Life, anyone? Not Second Life.) Tyng Cheong tells me it takes time... I really like to believe that. I. Really. Want. To.

But I'm not doing anything constructive, am I? I'm just dicking around and playing games everyday. Why not go out and make games and make money? Or be a pro gamer, 争一点名气出来？(carve out your own one minute of fame, perhaps?) I'm reasonably fluent in English, so what? Probably not good enough to do anything (I've dabbled in odd piece of fiction, two of them are actually posted on fanfiction.net under the user AlptraumKnight -> If it pleases you to actually read my low-quality crap).

You fucking lazy crybaby sonofabitch.

Stop this self-pity right away.

AARGH!

EDIT @ 2251: I have disallowed my blog to be searchable by search engines. This will no doubt affect the great social experiment of how many hits I can obtain since I am controlling a lot of factors already (as if viewing my own blog didn't add to the anomalous result :P).

A different day, a different lesson.

Well well well, time for another post. The military and the police have been (exactly 3 months and 2 days since the date it started) searching for Mas Selamat bin Kastari, the terrorist leader of Jemaah Islamiah who was detained by our Internal Security Department at its detention centre without trial. Now the words "Mas Selamat" would probably pop up on some supersecret ISD facility monitoring the local blogosphere as a high-priority flag, so I'm not going to say much about anything. I want to put in my 1 year and 10 months, and ORD peacefully, thank you very much.

All citizens of Singapore, hear me. Mas Selamat is a dangerous sonuvabitch and he's still at large, be it in Singapore, or any of the surrounding countries. If you encounter him, please don't try to be a hero and take him down. Please please please get help from the authorities, I'm quite sure all of you will ber ewareded nicely for your efforts, not to worry. :P Mas Selamat, if you're reading this, you better give yourself up if you know what's good for you. Stop all this foolishness...

Okay, that said... (haha :P)

You learn something new every day. While I'm not saying that I'm already qualified to handle every situation in life, I'm constantly reminded of the facts of life in whatever I do. I'm not going to detail out what exactly happened tonight, and I'll most likely forget it in the near future, but take note of this: The tone of how you speak to people affects how replies are made. And if you wilfully suppress this information when you retell the sequence of events to an outsider, your moral position changes. You may have been in the wrong, but the words one says, when used with the correct tone, may just put you in the right. Manipulation is the key. Evilll...

Saved a drowning bird (swallow?) with my friend today. Let's hope it gains enough strength to fly...

Me against the world.

EDIT @ 2235: And indeed, heads rolled after that, ainnit? People sacked, demoted, or transferred off-duty.

lastminutelastminutelastminute...

I've been back for like, 10 days, and only now I'm blogging. All my great plans about blogging up a storm are going to go kaput. I will make this quick. :P.

Touchdown at Kaoshiung International Airport at 0630 in the morning. The sun was helluva bright, (the sun there rises at around 5, so by 6.30 it's pretty much daylight), much to my initial surprise. Slept the whole bus journey to our camp somewhere in Taichung, Meilin Camp (梅林营). It's the best camp for troops on this exercise (that's what they say), and I believe so too. Sanitation is good, there's TV and the Internet, food is good (I LOVE THE RICE AT THE COOKHOUSE, SERIOUSLY! NTUC Foodfare go! SFI FTW?!? Nah. Heh.) Rested on the first day, went for orientation driving on the second day (ZOMG RIGHT HAND DRIVE VEHICLE ON LEFT HAND DRIVE ROAD SYSTEM?!? Well get used to it, sucker!) and stuff. My wallet got stolen that fateful night, some fucker (Taiwanese? o.o Dunno) waltz into our bunk and made off with two wallets, one of them mine. I lost S$100 (~NT$2000), among other things, like my 3-year collection of VJC pocket calendars (*sobs*), and that small little slip of paper Edwin (now a 2nd Lieutenant, yes.) wrote to me towards the end of BMT (I'm sorry Edwin! T.T). Oh, how such losses cut deep into my heart.

Main body arrives on the 12th, got down to doing work and prepping for the exercise, we moved out on the 18th (I think), and deployed at this place (which I shall not reveal the name) beside a Taiwanese camp along some road. Spent 13 fucking boring days (no PSP, finished 3 books) out there staring at the Taiwanese troops who pass by. They use M4 carbines, predominantly (or so I noticed), and Humvees, and I spotted some tanks towards the end of the exercise. A brigade formation chart dropped by them indicates that they use M60A3s (freaking old!), or at least that unit did. Details? Maybe another time.

Before the exercise and after, there was one night's out each to the nearby city of Douliu (斗六). I tell you, the beef noodles we had was godly! So was the steamboat on the second night's out. Walked around and such, heard some people went for massages. Hehehe. That's about it. Their pasar malam is quite like Singapore's, maybe perhaps bigger. Selling food, clothes and the like, even pets. Then it was packing up, and a few days of slacking (doing virtually nothing!) before our R&R in Kaoshiung. The battalion got a trip to this theme park Jianhushan Fancy World (剑湖山世界), which my node couldn't go for as punishment for the multitude (half exaggerated or untrue, IMO) of complaints received during the exercise. Stayed in camp to play soccer and stuff. The camp was so quiet! Such tranquility...

R&R in Kaoshiung: We walked around once again, and I followed people to shop and eat. Didn't spend much because I don't really know what to buy, but yeah things went generally like that. The hotel we spent one night in was pretty nice (about 3 to 4 star standard, methinks, but it doesn't matter to me as long as there's bed and warm shower), although spending NT$300 (about S$15) for one meal at the hotel (unless you have those coupons) is exorbitant (but that's a hotel after all, no?) I felt darned superficial just walking around and well, stimulating Taiwan's economy. There was this black dog that followed us around on the second day too, rather cute.

Summary:
- lost my wallet
- Taiwanese girls are t3h HAWT! (我爱台妹!) Hehe xD -> they like to wear coloured stockings though, you don't see that in Singapore (it's the summer, and mornings aren't too cold to warrant the need for insulation so I doubt weather plays a factor -> maybe only at night)
- Beef noodles and INSTANT NOODLES (with real meat in them!) are godly! Why nobody import to Singapore or do Taiwan-style beef noodles here (or is there? Because all the beef noodles here are so different...)
- I hear some stuff over there are pretty cheap (converting to our currency, yes)
- Cab rides within the city don't cost a bomb, but they might if you journey far.
- Didn't try public transport. Must try!
- Any other stuff?

And then I came back and played Cabal most of the time, journeying down to VJC to take a peek at my Air Rifle Club juniors. I don't know most of the people there already, save for the few IP students (who are now JC1 and 2). My, I feel old already. Hehehe. Training is more tough now, and I heard selection methods are more stringent.

*sighs* Time to go back and face real life.

God bless and hope I get into the B.Sc (Education) course... I think I might have flopped the interview though. Please, no! I want in! I'm nearly done flipping all the cards in my hand, the remainder of the cards are very troublesome to flip.

I must go and redo my ezlink card some day.

Signing off, returning to camp.

P.S. Oh, and one more thing: My heart goes out to all the victims and people affected by the cyclone in Myanmar, and the earthquake in Sichuan. The Myanmar government doesn't look like it's going to change its ways anytime soon, but, may the powers that be bless you all, those alive to stay alive, and the dead to find eternal peace. The irony of being buried alive when a school collapases on you... gosh. I can't even imagine. *sighs again* But things will get better. Slowly, ne?

Well, this is it.

I'm finally going to Taiwan! And working with all those people who hate me, what more can I ask for? o.o It's a dangerous place with all the driving hazards, damn. I'm actually wishing I didn't have to go now, partly because the embarkation leave has been too short (everything is too short). *sighs* I'm worried...

And then I discovered I lost a 256 MB SD Card for my digital camera. It has photos inside, yes, important photos of VJC SDD. (Damn why didn't I make a copy of those photos?) Wjile no Edison Chen is going to happen to me, but I want the card back. I'm fretting over it too. Where is it? I want it back bad...

That said, I guess the next update will be in May when I return.

If all goes well, that is.

No one knows the truth.

No one knows the truth but me and me alone. Because of that they despise me and are not interested to hear my side of the story. Everybody just seems to think they are right, no? It's me against the world. Other than that, I spent the weekend mostly rushing CABAL. Gundam 00 has a huge turn of events with the Ptolemaios sunk, a first in Gundam history I believe.

Otherwise, nothing much. More in the next post, perhaps.

Zodiacal Light

Lockon's death in Episode 23 was absolu-fuckingly-tragic. Goddamn. I wonder if it's pure coincidence that he made the same gesture Spike did when he died in Cowboy Bebop (the 'handgun' gesture)?

Hmm. Made a hurried re-application for the universities (I didn't get accepted last time, doubt I would this time.) I'm worried once again. Cabal threatens to distract me.

Hmm. What else? Not much. Worked till 3am on Good Friday, booked out at 7am (volunteered to stay back, helped where I could), and got Monday off. Woot. :)

Not much else.

Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone

I haven't applied. Battalion Proficiency Test is finally over, and we're declared operational. It wasn't as bad as I thought, though the continual downpour over the past 3 days made it annoying. My boots soaked through and my feet were wet, a totally disgusting feeling... and my left foot on the third day because the skin wrinkled up so bad... Ouch. Okay, whatever.

Nothing much else to say, seriously. I went to watch Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone (ヱヴァンゲリヲン新劇場版:序 , Evangerion Shin Gekijōban: Jo, lit. "Evangelion New Theatrical Version: Preface") on Saturday with Jonathan. This is my first official exposure to the series, although I understand there are differences between this remake and the original. Maybe I'll catch the original someday. I now finally know why I was such a fanboy of Rei Ayanami despite not watching the series when I was younger. She's a sex symbol! xD xD Raaawwwwrrr. Haha. I didn't get the poster though, and Cathay fucking cut off the trailer for 2.0 at the end. The few of us who knew and stayed back for it were horribly disappointed (I would imagine so).

Seeing the Evas is a refreshing change from Gundam. Speaking of Gundam, YAY! A brief victory for our Meisters! But why is Lockon gonna die next episode? He's my favourite pilot!!!!!! Fuck. Maybe they'll bring his twin brother in. Saji's one hell of an emo-kid now.

End of short post. :)

Holding Pattern

It was a knee-jerk reaction to the mocking posts on my tagboard. Temporarily this blog shall be known as 'The Random Violet Sector'. No layout changes yet, although the profile is gone. I will decide (see, procrastinating!) at a future date whether to switch back, since that old title has been with me for quite a while now (3 years) or to stay, or to use a new title. Whatever. As for my profile, I'll keep it back under wraps for now and see how things peter out. Too bad for you, Sir, but you're only gonna get that one glimpse into here only. Till the next time.

*Continuity error in Dale Brown's Strike Force: Was Patrick on video conference, or at the White House?
*Steve Fossett, missing for so long, declared legally dead. Gosh... I heard about his trip on the Global Flyer and stuff. Oh my. Rest in peace... or, hopefully they still can find you.
*Rest in peace too, Lydia Sum.

After owning my PSP for approximately 65 hours, I lost it. Much as I STILL do not want to believe as such, but all signs point to a theft, most likely by the Combat Engineers that I did guard duty with on that fateful day. Of all people, it had to happen to me on my first time, and this loss of 400 dollars and in small part perhaps, my reputation, pains me so. The feeling has dulled down over the past few days, but it is going to take a helluva long time to get over it. Fucking hell... Oh, my dear PSP, where art thou?

And we still haven't caught Mas Selamat bin Kastari. Godamn...

'A' Level results out, my juniors did pretty good. I worry once again. Everything's threatening to drive me crazy one day. And we're going outfield on another test once again, this time for the battalion! Urk!

Don't think I have much to blog about anymore for this post. *sighs*

Redemption Ark

Post title comes from Alastair Reynold's book. It's a sequel to Revelation Space, which was a confusing read when I first read it (my neighbour gave it to me for my er... 12th? 14th? Dunno. Birthday). I read it again later on, and sort of understood what was happening. Redemption Ark has me hooked, and makes me want to go back to Revelation Space to re-read it again, with a better understanding of his universe now.

Aaaaannnyyywaaayy, I'm once again debating if I should change this blog address, a referesh of identity and to get away from the "shadows" that haunt me. Zero Online has been getting frustrating, and I wonder if it's actually time for me to write some actually reflective posts instead of all narration (take Eunice's blog, or like, many other blogs all around, for example :P). Thing is, I always blog last-minute, no time to reflect. :P Lazy to do it, cos' I'm always gaming, too. Hehe. Don't really know what to talk about.

Game game game. Kinda boring, ain't it? After much internal self-struggle, I finally decided to get a PSP. I had categorised the pros and cons for it, as applied to myself, which follows:

Pros
-Kill time in bunk, on exercise, and whatnot. Basically, kill time.
-Alternate means of entertainment apart from reading, which bores and tires me after too long. Plus I can't see myself studying textbooks.

Cons
-Cost a bomb (my pay... T_T)
-Addicted? (Starting. :P)
-Fear of being relegated to history like my GBA, but with the ease of obtaining games...

In the end, killing time won, and I bought a lavender PSP Slim (too bad they didn't have the original, I was looking to cut costs and have a more rugged PSP, looks like I have to take better care of it now.). *sighs* $299 for the PSP with custom firmware (i.e. mod :P Please don't kill me for this) , $10 for the film screen protector, $79 for a memory stick and $15 for a pouch. The bare-bones stuff, all for $403. Somebody tell me I didn't get cheated... AFAIK it wasn't too bad of a deal. Only loaded Ace Combat X: Skies of Deception in it, but I don't intend to use it a lot so... yeah. I must not feel bad about it anymore!

Life goes on.

EDIT: I have no choice but the change the address and run. Lets see how well you can find it. I will inform the rest of you of the changes to my address later. I must rememeber!

Oh, and how did Mas Selamat Kastari escape? I pray that we catch him soon.
Yay for winning hosting rights to YOG 2010 before he escaped! xD Must blog next week about it.

Singapore Airshow 2008 Part II!

Correction to part I: It's Elbit Systems, not Industries.

Visited the Land Defence Pavilion thingy after posting Part I. Saw small-arms ammo, and yadda yadda. Okaaay...

UAVs are the future.

I love the B-1. It's so badass! I lost my cap... :(

Saw some of the private aircraft fly over our heads as I waited in line to board the bus home. These guys must be flying their airplanes home too.

Aaaaand. I uploaded the photos onto Snapfish! Can't seem to make it public though. Oh well. I'll send it to a select few, perhaps. Hehe. Maybe I'll upload it somewhere else too.

End of part II.

Singapore Airshow 2008 Part I!

Enough of what happened in the week. There's nothing much to say excep that we went around clocking mileage and such. We went rather close to the airport on one of the days but our convoy managed to find a point to U-turn back and return to our original routing.

So I shall focus on the main thing: Singapore Airshow 2008! I am at the exhibition grounds right now, using a computer that has access to the Internet (duh!) Right after guard duty I headed home, changed, and headed out. Reached Pasir Ris MRT at aroound 1145, to catch the shuttle bus to the exhibition grounds. It was sheer madness! The standard Singapore long queue was abound, and it snaked all the way around the station, then zig-zagged towards to the pick-up point. I wasn't in the best of moods to appreciate anything, and soon I found myself just walking and walking without really thinking until I was chastised for cutting queue. Oh dear... Feeling ultimately guilty I started slowing down and letting tons of people pass me. *sighs* How evil, eh? :P

Anyway I reached the grounds too late for most of the air display save for some stunts by a USAF(?) F-16, the A380, and the air display team from the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force), the Roulettes. That got my blood boiling, and I started snapping photos like crazy. I also lost my cap in the process (dropped it, it was nowhere to be found 10 minutes later. I made at least 5 rounds around where I lost the cap but I couldn't find it! Efficient cleaners? Or did someone pick it up? I should never have brought that cap out, it's a little memento from the 12th Muhibbah Camporee in Thailand I attended as a Scout back in Secondary 3. Perhaps I should have took better care of the damned cap. That was a mood spoiler.) I breezed through the static displays (you'll see what photos I took when I upload them somewhere), and chatted with some USAF avionics techs and aircrew who were hanging around where their aircraft were parked (this you'll see too). The biggest attraction was of course, the B-1B Lancer (aka the 'Bone'), and everybody wanted to take pictures with the crew of the big, badass bomber. There was even a group of undergraduates (a local university, they said, doing a project about aviation weapons. My guess is that they're from NTU, maybe the Aerospace Engineering faculty? Wished I was there). I got a shot of the B-1 from a *certain* vantage point, but I'm not going to tell you where. :P

Heading to the display pavilions, I just took a quick walk through it, without paying much attention. The loss of my cap might have contributed to my loss of interest, plus my hurry to get home. But yeah, there weren't much things that aroused my curiosity, although as usual, Elbit Industries (Israel), had some very cool stuff up on display, some new concept called the Dominator Integrated Infantry Combat System (correct?). A lame and flashy video intro-ed it to everyone who was watching, but the basic comcept is there. Linking (infantry) units across the battlefield to strike at the enemy from all directions with high-tech weapons and fire-control systems. Pretty much what everybody is focused on nowadays, no?

I managed some small talk with the U.S. pilots but went no further, partly because I'm a bad conversationalist and as mentioned above, everybody wanted to take photos. They ain't interested in NS, hmm? :P And since I'm a freaking ground-pounder... I wish I was in the Air Force. Hehehehe. I think I will end this post for now and go home to upload photos. This has been a very rushed air show, and I hope I have more time to slowly enjoy it (prefably with a friend) next year. God damn... The clash with my guard duty was most unfortunate. Anyway, signing off!

Friends

A tiring deployment outfield, and our Node Proficiency Test (A node is the equivalent of a platoon) finally concludes! The Company is now declared operational! We conducted our Ops Parade right after the end of the Test at some field location (not in our parade square), where Colonel Raja came and affixed the battalion patch onto each individual's webbing. I was wondering, at that point in time, what makes this parade so special? (Apart from gaining operational capability on Valentine's Day) What's it that makes it worth being proud of? Perhaps it's the effort that each and every one of us put in, and the tiny little personal messages and exchanges Colonel Raja had with each and every member of the company.

We were given nights' off that evening, and as usual I headed to Jurong Point to eat. Saw many people whom I knew, like some OCS cadets (you bloody lucky pilots!), my friends at Sungei Gedong, and some of my female ex-classmates who went to NTU (Nanyang Technological University) to study.

My weekend was spent levelling my Zero Online mecha. Ugh... the grind is starting to set in already, heh. I got so desperate for Gundam 00 that I went to tudou.com to watch the Chinese subs. *sighs* The plot thickens even further, even further! We had a brief exchange of fire between the Meisters and Team Trinity. And... would someone confirm the stuff seen at the end of the episode WERE GN DRIVES?!?!!!!1111. If they were, then... OMFG. So many of them! IT sucks that no one in camp or my closer friends out of camp (:P hehe) watches 00, or is at the same episode as I am. Can't talk about it, can't give spoilers. Aack. WATCH 00, MY FRIENDS! xD.

And, looks like *certain* people are giving this here blog some negative publicity. Hmm. I wonder if I should change some things about it. Hmm...?

Bah. Back to camp.

I got Singapore Airshow tickets! I'm going to go for it no matter what! RAWR!

Stranger In A Strange Land (Happy Chinese New Year!)

我心中的呐喊，你听见了吗？
俺の心が叫ぶ，聞えますか？

A quick week, and a bookout on Tuesday! For Chinese New Year! I've been wanting to blog but I kept procrastinating... Well the week off flew by and it's once again time to book in. Freaking sian, but at least I'm less than 1 year to ORD already. Yay?

Well there were a whole load of things I wanted to blog about, those thoughts happened spontaneously, but I forgot all about them (as usual) so I don't know what to blog about. Somehow I feel deader than ever, Chinese New Year is just like a gathering of us cousins, and to meet relatives who we usually don't see, and get updated on what each other is doing and stuff. I don't really care how much I get from 红包(red packet, ang pow, hong bao, whatever) anymore. That's not to say I'm rich enough to not give a damn, but certainly you cannot control who gives what, and I don't keep a chart or trend of how much I get, so yeah whatever. Let it come, and let it flow. Go with the flow. Apart from that, nothing much. I feel I don't even indulge in the "delicacies" as much as I did when I was younger. Hmm... just don't feel like eating, heh. Anyway that's good for health. Eat less! :P

Went out quite a bit with cousins, enjoyed myself much during the break, and now it's ending! :( Aargh. Am I doing something wrong? Why do I feel so... wrong?

It has also come to my attention that this blog is being read by several... well... 'other' people. (Not "undesirable" yet, shall I say?). Welcome to my world then, all of you. This isn't all of it, and to hell with it if your opinion of me goes even lower. o.o I know you all have accessed this blog before... Feel free to continue reading.

That was not directed at my friends, of course. Chill.

I still feel strange.

Expectations

My mom continues to haunt me with my various trappings, and I'm constantly reminded of my shitty self and life everytime I reach home. She makes it a point to jab at the fact that my younger cousins have now surpassesd me and have made achievements, while I'm just a loser. Which I probably am. I lost my temper today, and I regretted it immediately afterward. So much for having patience, so much for being unflappable.

Booking out later than everyone else sucks, as I discovered on Friday. Watching them go while I stayed back because (I guess it's punishment in a way, since it was pretty much our fault for not updating our stuff during the exercise) Colonel Raja wanted to make a certain point to my platoon commander, my heart sank and I felt really damned... well... sian (How do you quantify sian? It doesn't mean boredom in this case.) Well I enjoyed dinner though, since I met up with Reynard (one of my best friends, studying in Australia right now) upon booking out. The Belgian dessert shop (don't really remember the name now) at the Beach Road food centre serves really good stuff, I tried the waffles with ice-cream and melted chocolate dip. Mmm... (I don't usually go for such stuff though, but IMO it's good enough). We later joined Wen Xiang, and sat around Starbucks chatting.

For a loner like me, it is gatherings with familiar people that I enjoy a lot. My secondary school (Dunman High School, DHS) class (2A) gathering was on Saturday, and although not too many people attended (what, 8?) it was still good. We had lunch at Café Cartel (money fly away), and stayed and chatted for like 3 hours before moving off. Having nothing else to do we discussed our plans for one hour before the girls and the guys split up (Yen Ling followed us till her boyfriend picked us up though. She's still the ditz she was, but hey, how ditzy can you be with a GPA of 5.0, a perfect score? Is this all an act? Heh.). We spent time at the arcade, played pool (my 3rd time, I think, hehe), then had dinner at Marina Loft (the food court) and went our separate ways, me returning home with Reynard.

And then World in Conflict all over again. Whee.

I wish I can revive my drive for doing things, I wish I was as driven as Eunice.

Bookouts fly by real fast...

Ein. Zwei. Drei.

The past week was exhausting! Even though my role isn't as physically demanding as the others in my platoon (I have to use general terms here, although I'd have liked to be specific), going out for three days' worth of exercises isn't that fun (although "out of goodwill" we were withdrawn back to camp for one night's rest. o.O). My Officer Commanding pulled a fast one on us, visiting my deployment site in the middle of the night, catching people unawares. Colonel Raja (My CO, see previous post) visited the site a few hours later as well. Some things happened... and I dreamt last night that even I had to write a statement for a minor event that occurred on my watch. Ah, whatever. Well our Proficiency Test is coming up next week, and I'm already feeling the blues (book-in blues not accounted for, yet). So busybusybusybusybusy... Nothing else to report on for the week, I guess.

I spent the extra hours on early bookout back at the VJC Air Rifle Range. They spruced up the place a bit with a painted wall separating the cosy corner from the firing lanes and stuff, but otherwise nothing much changed. It was a joy to return to my rifle (Feinwerkbau Model 603, serial number 308579 -> my first "wife", if you consider weapons as wives), to feel and touch it and engage the trigger. I found the flat-soled boots I used to use too, although I think I can no longer differentiate my shooting jacket from the other identical ones, because the markings have changed. Saw the juniors training, had a short chat with them, and talked most to Daniel. He's now the chairman, and a very good one at that. Looks like the team is focused and all set for this year. I wish them all the best! Although I don't really know any of the new JC1 people now, nor the current batch of J2s, since I didn't return to school to mix around much. My direct juniors have all graduated, too...

Random note about deepest and darkest fears of abandonment, of having no semblance of a future.

And yet another exciting episode of Gundam 00, although they only showed the Thrones at the end, and only Drei... Damn. World in Conflict is a wonderful game with good cinematics, machinima, and good gameplay thus far (I'm into the third campaign mission). A RTT (real-time tactical) game, they call it. Similar to Ground Control II, which also came from Massive Entertainment, that I tried on Friday at a cybercafe, while killing time. Go get it, people! :)

When Hell freezes over...

Well, the Battalion played Ultimate Frisbee for games on Friday (new policy - to have games every Friday, set by our new Commanding Officer, Lieutenant-Colonel Rajagopalachariyar, or Raja for short). Reminded me of the short period of time where I was infatuated with Frisbee. I wanted to play, but didn't get a chance to (neither did I voice out my desire)... so it was sort of painful to our side go down with weird throws and stuff. I probably can't do much better, but hey... Ah, those were the days... (Deja vu - recurring line. :P)

Change of Command Parade for our Division Commander, from Brigadier-General Tan Yih San to Brigadier-General Tan Chuan Jin was also on Friday. Saw a couple of my friends from other 3rd Division units in-camp, since our parade square was used as the grounds for the COC Parade. Those guys rehearsed for darned lot of days under sun... damn man. I think I have mentioned this before, but I'll do it again: Parades are nice to watch, but definitely not fun to participate in. The mobile column also fouled up the asphalt, the tracked vehicles especially, doing the most damage to our roads. Lol. We won't be tasked to clean up the mess, I hope. Well at least I got to see the SSPH-1 Primus, the AMX-13 SM1, and the FH-2000 up close, along with some combat engineering vehicles, and the M113 Ultra and M113 40/50. It's not like I've never seen them before (I'm a military nut, yes.), but it's always inspiring to see them in action. Like the tank salute (turret swivels to face the reviewing officer, the barrel lowers as a form of respect...). *sighs*

*makes random note about Starcraft: Ocular Implants (the upgrade that increases Ghost sight range). Associated eyeball icon and ocular implants, and chose the correct answer: oculist (eye specialist?) in an English test in primary school*

On Saturday's instalment of the Guess show (hosted by Jacky Wu), there was the segment where the guests had to guess which girl did not go to party in clubs (for that day). it was woefully easy, IMO, because the culprit made a slip-up when she questioned a (probably) well-known term which seasoned clubbers would know. Her dance was, well, not exactly professional (after comparison with the rest) so it was pretty easy to guess. But only one of the artistes guessed it right. I wonder why. Was it calculated, because some of the guest artistes present were idols to children, and perhaps they had to maintain their "clean" image? Hmm...

This week's episode of Gundam 00 was awesome. New OP and ED (all good!), and what's this: Gundam Thrones! The plot thickens...

Other than that my life was spent glued to the computer. Boring.

Besieged on all fronts

It's very unnatural that I make another rant so fast after the last one, but here I am, ranting and raving like a crazed lunatic. The past week was a beautiful one: two days at the shooting range for our ATP (Army/Advanced? Trainfire Package/Programme?), one day of nothing, and two days of orientation driving around Singapore. Tiring, especially driving, but good. Spoilt by the fact that I must return tonight for tomorrow's guard duty, which I exchanged for some payment. It isn't the money I care about, I just want to use this chance to try to get into *their* good books, hopefully the effort won't be wasted but I just hate sacrificing my bookout. it's the slim glimmer of chance that relations will improve and so will my standing amongst my peers in the Company that keeps me going, but I predict that nothing would change, and I made my effort for nothing. But the show's on. Now you know my agenda. Manipulating? Nah. I had to at least try...

But booking out, I come home bored. I only stay at the computer to play games and do nothing else. My life is meaningless. How can I make it meaningful? What can I do? I can't seem to hold a candle to every other fucking person in the whole world, even my cousins. So what the fuck? Leave the fences of camp, face reality at home, I really don't know what to do. So freaking bored. Premium on NavyField has ended, and since I can't pay, it's going to take me a million years to grind to that Battleship I've always wanted. I might be quitting it because I can't stomach grinding. Just like Rappelz. I had grand plans, but abandoned them because I hate grinding.

I'm so weak, I feel besieged. It's probably nothing to a stronger-willed person, but I am not that. I just may snap soon. I cannot allow that to happen, but what if it does? Many scenarios have passed through my head... oh, dear God...

What is this? Someone help me.

EDIT: Oh. Speaking about range? I was supremely confident of getting Marksman but I didn't. Why? My rifle jammed, and when I cleared the jams the targets were down. During reshoot (no money, but the badge is still yours), I missed all the targets at 50m while in a standing-shoulder firing position. The run-down must have exhausted me, and I rushed my shots because I wasn't sure when the targets would go down. So I just took aim and shot. And missed them all. My night shoot was complicated by the fact that my promethium(?) tip didn't glow. Luminous paint applied died when I needed it the most so I shot blind. In the end I only managed to pass. Wanting something but not getting it. Doesn't that sound familiar? Like my A's, wanting to get a sergeant's rank, or go to Officer Cadet School, and things like that... so many failures. What good have I done? What have I achieved? Nothing. Maybe perhaps the driving license.

3 years old!

This blog is officially 3 years old! (give or take a few days...) Chronicling some of my surface to middle thoughts, rants, events and such throughout. 5000+ hits, maybe 30-40% of it my own (to inspect my blog :P), but yeah, whatever. The last 3 days spent in camp have been rather... peaceful I guess. Things haven't changed much, nor do I expect them to. I guess it'll just be like that for the rest of NSF life... the relationship between us all, the cliques and whatnot. Whatever.

Going back soon, rushing for time because procrastinating ol' me finally needs to get an electric shaver because his old one got FUBAR (fucked-up-beyond-all-repair). I had planned to get it while it was semi-spoilt, now it's majorly spoilt so I'm gonna have to get it last minute. :P So much for being hairy. :(

Me going shooting next week. Hope I get Marksman! Signing off.

Oh! 2008.

First day. Going back to camp now. Yayness. What more can I say?