Hate my life. Want to eat solid food. Cracked and had a few tater tots today. Felt tremendously guilty. Want a cupcake. Five more days.
Half way there.
hating life,
amk
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Day Three
Day three is coming to an end, and thank goodness. My roommate decided to bake cupcakes tonight, and insisted I stood there and watched her bake them to make sure she did it right (I usually make them for her, but she wants to learn how to make them exactly like I do before we move away from each other).
So there are approx. 15 yummy, yummy cupcakes sitting on my kitchen counter, beckoning me over. My tummy tells me that just one won't hurt, but my brain says there is vegetable oil, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and bleached flour in those cupcakes.
Damn, I really want one though. Oh well. Friday morning of next week will be my first solid meal. They suggest just raw fruits and veggies the first two days, but I'm going to cheat and have scrambled egg whites and a sliced tomato. I can already picture myself scouring the produce department for the best damn tomato in stock.
Matt, I just buy lemon juice at the store as I don't have the patience to squeeze a bunch of lemons each morning. I can't imagine the effect of the cleanse would be altered all that much by the store-bought juice.
Didn't weigh myself today so tomorrow morning's weigh-in will be a little bit of a shock (I hope).
loving keeping myself busy with cleaning/organizing/laundry so I don't want solid food,
amk
"Just have one cupcake, Allison, it's so small that-"
"Nital, I swear to God if you try to tempt me I'll throw all those damn cupcakes out the window. And I mean it."
"I would literally kill you."
So there are approx. 15 yummy, yummy cupcakes sitting on my kitchen counter, beckoning me over. My tummy tells me that just one won't hurt, but my brain says there is vegetable oil, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, and bleached flour in those cupcakes.
Damn, I really want one though. Oh well. Friday morning of next week will be my first solid meal. They suggest just raw fruits and veggies the first two days, but I'm going to cheat and have scrambled egg whites and a sliced tomato. I can already picture myself scouring the produce department for the best damn tomato in stock.
Matt, I just buy lemon juice at the store as I don't have the patience to squeeze a bunch of lemons each morning. I can't imagine the effect of the cleanse would be altered all that much by the store-bought juice.
Didn't weigh myself today so tomorrow morning's weigh-in will be a little bit of a shock (I hope).
loving keeping myself busy with cleaning/organizing/laundry so I don't want solid food,
amk
"Just have one cupcake, Allison, it's so small that-"
"Nital, I swear to God if you try to tempt me I'll throw all those damn cupcakes out the window. And I mean it."
"I would literally kill you."
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Cleanse: Day 2*
People do the cleanse all different ways, some choosing to do the salt water flush just two or three times throughout the entire cleanse, others doing it every day. As I am doing just ten days (the bare minimum to help make a difference in your body) I am going to do the flush daily.
So here is my daily routine:
Wake up an hour before I really want to, and chug 1 quart of warm/hot water with 2.5 teaspoons of kosher salt stirred in. The salt cannot be iodized, and while most sources recommend just two teaspoons, I've found that I need closer to three. Then I go back to sleep for an hour, laying on my right side. (The first time I did this in March, I ignored the suggestion to lay on my right side after drinking the water, but have found it to actually speed the process along.) I wake up, and, ummm... use the restroom. (A tip for drinking hot, really salty water: I pretend it's chicken broth and think about celery and carrots and chicken noodle soup the entire time I chug it- you're supposed to get the full quart down in about 3-4 minutes.)
Then I make my lemonade. My recipe:
1 qt. water
4 oz. lemon juice
4 oz. maple syrup (grade b)
1/8 tsp. ground cayenne pepper
This is only a half recipe, as I have never been able to drink the whole 2 qts. of lemonade that the original Master Cleanse calls for. (If you make the full recipe, it's 2 qts. water, 7oz. lemon juice, 7oz. maple syrup, and 1/4 tsp. ground cayenne)
Throughout the day when I feel hungry I'll slam a glass of lemonade, followed by a glass of water. I'm always surprised by how it fills me up, and that I'm never hungry. The most difficult thing about the cleanse is reminding yourself that just because you want food doesn't mean you're hungry. It's the urge to chew solid food that I have to fight with the most. However it is rewarding, in a gross way. Once you've goon a few days without eating solid food, but there are solids coming out of you, you know you're making progress and cleaning something on the inside. Ew, I know but hey, everybody poops.
Lastly, right before bed I drink a cup of Smooth Move tea, which has to be steeped for 15 minutes. It's caffeine free, and I like the taste so it's nice to have right when I crawl into bed. If you can only find the Chocolate-flavored Smooth Move, get it anyways. I was very leery of chocolate-flavored laxative tea, but it's good; I enjoy it.
Total Weight Loss: 3 lbs.
Estimated Weight Loss: 15 lbs. (In March I lost 10 lbs. in 5 days, so we'll see what 10 days does to me).
So that's that. Just finished my iPhone software update!!!!!
loving Apple,
amk
"Have you ever thought just maybe,
You belong with me?"
-Taylor Swift
So here is my daily routine:
Wake up an hour before I really want to, and chug 1 quart of warm/hot water with 2.5 teaspoons of kosher salt stirred in. The salt cannot be iodized, and while most sources recommend just two teaspoons, I've found that I need closer to three. Then I go back to sleep for an hour, laying on my right side. (The first time I did this in March, I ignored the suggestion to lay on my right side after drinking the water, but have found it to actually speed the process along.) I wake up, and, ummm... use the restroom. (A tip for drinking hot, really salty water: I pretend it's chicken broth and think about celery and carrots and chicken noodle soup the entire time I chug it- you're supposed to get the full quart down in about 3-4 minutes.)
Then I make my lemonade. My recipe:
1 qt. water
4 oz. lemon juice
4 oz. maple syrup (grade b)
1/8 tsp. ground cayenne pepper
This is only a half recipe, as I have never been able to drink the whole 2 qts. of lemonade that the original Master Cleanse calls for. (If you make the full recipe, it's 2 qts. water, 7oz. lemon juice, 7oz. maple syrup, and 1/4 tsp. ground cayenne)
Throughout the day when I feel hungry I'll slam a glass of lemonade, followed by a glass of water. I'm always surprised by how it fills me up, and that I'm never hungry. The most difficult thing about the cleanse is reminding yourself that just because you want food doesn't mean you're hungry. It's the urge to chew solid food that I have to fight with the most. However it is rewarding, in a gross way. Once you've goon a few days without eating solid food, but there are solids coming out of you, you know you're making progress and cleaning something on the inside. Ew, I know but hey, everybody poops.
Lastly, right before bed I drink a cup of Smooth Move tea, which has to be steeped for 15 minutes. It's caffeine free, and I like the taste so it's nice to have right when I crawl into bed. If you can only find the Chocolate-flavored Smooth Move, get it anyways. I was very leery of chocolate-flavored laxative tea, but it's good; I enjoy it.
Total Weight Loss: 3 lbs.
Estimated Weight Loss: 15 lbs. (In March I lost 10 lbs. in 5 days, so we'll see what 10 days does to me).
So that's that. Just finished my iPhone software update!!!!!
loving Apple,
amk
"Have you ever thought just maybe,
You belong with me?"
-Taylor Swift
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
4 Month Catch Up
Bonjour. Long time, no update. So, I shall update you.
1. I no longer work at CPK- on the morning I was supposed to graduate from college (had I been able to stick with one major and not given myself the terrible task of a "victory lap" fifth year) I was at CPK getting dressed in the bathroom. I had on the shapeless black pants, the garbage-bag sized white oxford shirt, and stood looking in the mirror, red polyester tie in hand. I decided I didn't want to do it any more; that I physically couldn't put that tie around my neck one more time. So I took my uniform off, threw my blue sundress back on and walked right out the front door, waving my hand and tossing my hair at my ex-colleagues, whilst chirping "Later, bitches!"
2. I no longer work at Hamilton's, Loyola's college bar, as there aren't enough college kids around in the summer to frequent the place, thus making it impossible to earn any good money.
3. I now work as a cocktail waitress in the Gold Coast, at a bar called McFadden's, where I will admit there is WAY too much Affliction, Ed Hardy, and white leather purses. However, most unfortunate is the fact that I work in an establishment that employs a go-go dancer; she wears gold lame boyshorts and a green bra, rocking her pelvis to the likes of the Black Eyed Peas (I actually stopped mid-step on Saturday when I saw how she shook her pelvis to Boom Boom Pow, my mouth hanging open with honest shock), B. Spears, and Lady GaGa. But hey, I make enough money to keep me happy, and my uniform is just a black t-shirt with whatever I want on the bottom, as long as it's black. Tres comfy, tres slimming. Bonus!
4. Funny thing is, when I shotgun quit my job at CPK, my intention was to finally do what my heart (so corny, I know, but "following my impulses" sounded dumb, too) was telling me to and finally hunker down with my laptop and write my damn book. That was six weeks ago. How far along am I on my new book, you ask? Haven't tapped out a single letter, yet. Some day...
5. I got a puppy! I've been considering it for a long time, trying to decide between a little dog that could live comfortably in my apartment, or a bigger dog that would be cramped for a year or two before I leave the city. For small breeds, I really wanted a Pomeranian. So. Damn. Fluffy. Girl name: Princes Cupcake Sparkleface. Boy name: Olive Loverpants McGee. For bigger breeds, I really wanted an Australian Shepherd. They're super smart and energetic, and I loved the Aussies at the barn I rode at growing up. So, I've been browsing a site called petfinder.com for the past, oh, eight months looking for something that would work for me. I almost got that puppy named Henry in December, but Linda Kelly threatened bodily harm. So anyways... petfinder.com puts all the dogs at local rescues and shelters online for people to browse (though I wanted a purebred dog, I would never buy one from a breeder, and petfinder has lots of purebreeds at shelters that need to be saved, too), and browse I did. But nothing seemed quite right until one day Nital said "Look at these." Lo and behold, there was a litter of puppies at a rescue in the suburbs that were 1/2 Pomeranian, 1/2 Australian Shepherd. I called the lady up and made sure I got first pick of the litter. Three girls and a boy. I went with the intention of getting a girl (to be named Vivi, because the whole princess thing wouldn't work for a herding dog like an Aussie) but ended up going home with the lone boy. He was 10.5 weeks old when I got him, and really effing cute. His name is Dash and at 13 weeks, he can sit, stay, high-five, shake, come, fetch/drop it, and he's almost completely house broken. I think decent progress is being made, as I've never had a dog and am using google as my main inspiration when it comes to understanding puppy behavior. Anyways, he's cute and precious and wakes me up at 7am every day, so I'm ready for bed by 11:00pm. A definite adjustment from my pre-dog wake up time of 1pm, and bed time around 3 or 4am. So anyways, that's that.
6. I started a 10-day stint on the Master Cleanse today. I did five days in March and loved the way it made me feel, but my original goal was 10 days (I lost a battle with a very tempting key lime martini, which led to lobster ravioli, and thus my failure to reach my goal, yet also my success at eating really good food that I didn't have to pay for). So I'm doing 10 days now; June 16-25. To lead up to this stint on the cleanse, I ate a vegetarian diet (mostly just fruits and veggies, very little dairy, and just a little Kashi) to help curb the cravings that killed my mojo last time. The weight loss will be a bonus, as I'm going to a wedding just two days after I finish, but it's more about cleaning my body; I want to start eating a cleaner diet, and actually be conscious about what I eat. No more McDonald's double cheeseburgers or footlongs from Subway. I love the idea of going vegan, but it's such a big commitment and hassle. So I think that once I come off the cleanse, I'll do another week or two on a vegetarian diet and then maybe go for some free-range chicken or grass-fed beef. (Wanna learn about how bad the beef is we eat on a daily basis? Watch King Korn and change your perception of burgers- it's not about animal cruelty or anything like that. I promise I'm not making a PETA-like plug there.) So anyways, Master Cleanse for ten days followed by a clean diet. Next I'll be wearing hemp clothing and Birkenstocks.
I promise I'll keep you updated and continue posting on a regular basis.
loving T. Swift,
amk
"Don't waste your youth growing up." -Unknown
1. I no longer work at CPK- on the morning I was supposed to graduate from college (had I been able to stick with one major and not given myself the terrible task of a "victory lap" fifth year) I was at CPK getting dressed in the bathroom. I had on the shapeless black pants, the garbage-bag sized white oxford shirt, and stood looking in the mirror, red polyester tie in hand. I decided I didn't want to do it any more; that I physically couldn't put that tie around my neck one more time. So I took my uniform off, threw my blue sundress back on and walked right out the front door, waving my hand and tossing my hair at my ex-colleagues, whilst chirping "Later, bitches!"
2. I no longer work at Hamilton's, Loyola's college bar, as there aren't enough college kids around in the summer to frequent the place, thus making it impossible to earn any good money.
3. I now work as a cocktail waitress in the Gold Coast, at a bar called McFadden's, where I will admit there is WAY too much Affliction, Ed Hardy, and white leather purses. However, most unfortunate is the fact that I work in an establishment that employs a go-go dancer; she wears gold lame boyshorts and a green bra, rocking her pelvis to the likes of the Black Eyed Peas (I actually stopped mid-step on Saturday when I saw how she shook her pelvis to Boom Boom Pow, my mouth hanging open with honest shock), B. Spears, and Lady GaGa. But hey, I make enough money to keep me happy, and my uniform is just a black t-shirt with whatever I want on the bottom, as long as it's black. Tres comfy, tres slimming. Bonus!
4. Funny thing is, when I shotgun quit my job at CPK, my intention was to finally do what my heart (so corny, I know, but "following my impulses" sounded dumb, too) was telling me to and finally hunker down with my laptop and write my damn book. That was six weeks ago. How far along am I on my new book, you ask? Haven't tapped out a single letter, yet. Some day...
5. I got a puppy! I've been considering it for a long time, trying to decide between a little dog that could live comfortably in my apartment, or a bigger dog that would be cramped for a year or two before I leave the city. For small breeds, I really wanted a Pomeranian. So. Damn. Fluffy. Girl name: Princes Cupcake Sparkleface. Boy name: Olive Loverpants McGee. For bigger breeds, I really wanted an Australian Shepherd. They're super smart and energetic, and I loved the Aussies at the barn I rode at growing up. So, I've been browsing a site called petfinder.com for the past, oh, eight months looking for something that would work for me. I almost got that puppy named Henry in December, but Linda Kelly threatened bodily harm. So anyways... petfinder.com puts all the dogs at local rescues and shelters online for people to browse (though I wanted a purebred dog, I would never buy one from a breeder, and petfinder has lots of purebreeds at shelters that need to be saved, too), and browse I did. But nothing seemed quite right until one day Nital said "Look at these." Lo and behold, there was a litter of puppies at a rescue in the suburbs that were 1/2 Pomeranian, 1/2 Australian Shepherd. I called the lady up and made sure I got first pick of the litter. Three girls and a boy. I went with the intention of getting a girl (to be named Vivi, because the whole princess thing wouldn't work for a herding dog like an Aussie) but ended up going home with the lone boy. He was 10.5 weeks old when I got him, and really effing cute. His name is Dash and at 13 weeks, he can sit, stay, high-five, shake, come, fetch/drop it, and he's almost completely house broken. I think decent progress is being made, as I've never had a dog and am using google as my main inspiration when it comes to understanding puppy behavior. Anyways, he's cute and precious and wakes me up at 7am every day, so I'm ready for bed by 11:00pm. A definite adjustment from my pre-dog wake up time of 1pm, and bed time around 3 or 4am. So anyways, that's that.
6. I started a 10-day stint on the Master Cleanse today. I did five days in March and loved the way it made me feel, but my original goal was 10 days (I lost a battle with a very tempting key lime martini, which led to lobster ravioli, and thus my failure to reach my goal, yet also my success at eating really good food that I didn't have to pay for). So I'm doing 10 days now; June 16-25. To lead up to this stint on the cleanse, I ate a vegetarian diet (mostly just fruits and veggies, very little dairy, and just a little Kashi) to help curb the cravings that killed my mojo last time. The weight loss will be a bonus, as I'm going to a wedding just two days after I finish, but it's more about cleaning my body; I want to start eating a cleaner diet, and actually be conscious about what I eat. No more McDonald's double cheeseburgers or footlongs from Subway. I love the idea of going vegan, but it's such a big commitment and hassle. So I think that once I come off the cleanse, I'll do another week or two on a vegetarian diet and then maybe go for some free-range chicken or grass-fed beef. (Wanna learn about how bad the beef is we eat on a daily basis? Watch King Korn and change your perception of burgers- it's not about animal cruelty or anything like that. I promise I'm not making a PETA-like plug there.) So anyways, Master Cleanse for ten days followed by a clean diet. Next I'll be wearing hemp clothing and Birkenstocks.
I promise I'll keep you updated and continue posting on a regular basis.
loving T. Swift,
amk
"Don't waste your youth growing up." -Unknown
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
ALSO!!!!
This is the kind of thing that would only happen to me; a typical AliKelly Story.
So, I know that Valentine's Day is a stupid Hallmark holiday. But I had just ended things with SBF, so I wanted to go out that night. On a date- something I've never done before. Because our generation doesn't really date, right? Or is that just me?
Anyways...
I knew this guy was interested in me, so I dropped a few hints and got him to ask me out Saturday. He seemed like a good enough guy to spend time at dinner with- he's good looking, 6'4", in the Honors program, his dad's a doctor, etc. Seems too good to be true, right? Well, like Linda Kelly says, "If It seems too good to be true, it is. It always is." Yet another time I should have yielded to my mother's grand advice.
But no. In true AliKelly fashion, I throw caution to the wind and decide that this could be a fun adventure.
Saturday night: He shows up at my apartment with a single rose and a bottle of red. I try to stifle my laughter at such a cliche.
I SHOULD ALSO MENTION that aside from being in a class together, this is the first time we've spent time together. I don't know him, he doesn't know me.
Anyways, we have some wine while he makes weird little observations about my apartment/life:
"I like your cat. His pattern...of his hair...fur...is really nice."
"Your toenails look nice. Very refreshing. Because they're painted.... white? Pink?"
"Do you like flowers? [because i already had a vase of flowers on the coffee table] Because I was just guessing that you did." [Oh, you mean you didn't already know that it was customary to bring flowers to a girl on a date? You thought you were taking a stab in the dark? Where you standing in the store trying to decide between a single red rose or a box of Ritz crackers?]
"So, do you like Paris? I've been to Hawaii." [What? I don't see the correlation between Paris and Hawaii. I absolutely cannot hold a conversation with you, and am going to begin drinking faster].
So anyways, we go to dinner at a little wine bar a few blocks away. I tell him I deferred for the semester. He judges me, and says he can't help it because he is old fashioned. Then proceeds to tell me that he commonly yells at and belittles his brother-in-law for not making more money than his sister. Because men should be the breadwinners- always.
I say, "So, then you must not respect that I deferred for a semester so that I can pay for school."
Bastard: "No, not really. Your parents should just pay for school anyways."
[Chugging martini, staring at either ceiling or plate].
I try to change the subject.
Me: "How did you end up at Loyola anyways?"
Bastard: "I don't know."
[Give me something to work with here! Say something normal- or at least not boring/offensive!] "Well, where else did you apply?"
"UPenn, Chapel Hill, Syracuse, Columbia. You?"
"I only applied out of state, so Loyola, Towson in Maryland, Lynchburg in Virginia, Clemson in South Carolina, and NYU."
"Oh, I applied to NYU, too."
"Yeah, why didn't you go there?"
"I got waitlisted."
"Oh."
"What about you?"
"It was too expensive."
"Wait- you got in?"
"Yes... oh wait. You're surprised, aren't you? First you judged me for deferring, and now you're surprised that I got into a school you didn't get into. You thought I was dumb!"
"Well, I mean, you deferred from school."
"So wait- if you thought I was dumb, then why would you want to take me out? To you, I'm just a pretty face, aren't I?"
"I wanted to take you out because I'm okay with you just being a pretty face. But now I know you're smart too, so tonight just got a lot better."
OMFG. I CANNOT CATCH A BREAK WITH THIS IDIOTIC, JUDGMENTAL, NAIVE, OVER-PRIVILEGED PRICK!
Cut to the end of the night, as he's walking me home telling me how awesome it is that he's tall because I can wear heels and we can be a tall power couple. ughhhhhhhhh.
I try to run inside my door, but he spins be around and "kisses" me. By "kisses" I mean tries to eat my face. I mean, like he had a lamprey-like suction on my face from my nostrils to my chin. I now have eau de twatwaffle ALLLL OVVEERRRR MY FACE.
Now, I had to work at 11pm (my second job is as a bartender at Hamilton's, Loyola's college bar).
Twatwaffle: "I'll come see you later at work, okay?"
Me: "You really don't have to do that. It will be dead. Really, don't come. There is no need."
TW: "Oh, I'm coming. See you later."
Me: "Ugh, Fine. Bye."
I have given NO signals that I appreciate his company or like him in the least bit. Not-a-one.
I get to work and text him that its totally dead and that he DOES NOT need to come. He responds with, "Babe, I just made some pizza with my roommates, and I'l be there in a while. I already want to see you again ;o)"
I'M SORRY, WHAT?!?!?! DID YOU JUST CALL ME "BABE" AND THEN USE AN EMOTICON??????????? I HATE YOU. PURE AND SIMPLE.
He shows up. In a Bulls jersey and jeans. Yes, a tank top in a bar on saturday night. WHY??? He then sits with my roommates and every time I looked at their table, he would make eye contact with me and BLOW ME AIR KISSES. FROM ACROSS THE BAR. AIR KISSES.
ARE YOU GETTING THIS? ONE DINNER DATE TOGETHER, AND AN HOUR LATER HE'S SITTING 20 FEET AWAY IN A TANK TOP BLOWING ME AIR KISSES. i absolutely hate my life and am wondering where the hidden cameras are.
My roommate comes over to tell me that whenever somebody comes up to their table to say hello, Twatwaffle points at me and says, "I'm dating her."
WTF. I WANT TO CUT MYSELF. SERIOUSLY. SELF MUTILATION WOULD FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE PRESENCE OF THIS CRAZYPANTS.
The icing on the cake:
He gets up and walks past me at the bar to go to the bathroom. As he walks by, he mouths out, "I love you."
seriously.
absorb that.
The next night, Nital dictated a text for me to send to him, saying I wasn't interested. It was very simple and to the point. Something like, "Thanks for dinner last night, but I think I'm just going to focus on myself right now. I need some time to myself. See you around campus."
His response?
"What did I do wrong?"
eat that up.
only in alikelly's life,
amk
"Ugh! He was so gross and bad! It was such a terrible night!"
Manager at CPK: "Did you get free dinner and drinks out of it?"
"Yes"
"Okay then."
So, I know that Valentine's Day is a stupid Hallmark holiday. But I had just ended things with SBF, so I wanted to go out that night. On a date- something I've never done before. Because our generation doesn't really date, right? Or is that just me?
Anyways...
I knew this guy was interested in me, so I dropped a few hints and got him to ask me out Saturday. He seemed like a good enough guy to spend time at dinner with- he's good looking, 6'4", in the Honors program, his dad's a doctor, etc. Seems too good to be true, right? Well, like Linda Kelly says, "If It seems too good to be true, it is. It always is." Yet another time I should have yielded to my mother's grand advice.
But no. In true AliKelly fashion, I throw caution to the wind and decide that this could be a fun adventure.
Saturday night: He shows up at my apartment with a single rose and a bottle of red. I try to stifle my laughter at such a cliche.
I SHOULD ALSO MENTION that aside from being in a class together, this is the first time we've spent time together. I don't know him, he doesn't know me.
Anyways, we have some wine while he makes weird little observations about my apartment/life:
"I like your cat. His pattern...of his hair...fur...is really nice."
"Your toenails look nice. Very refreshing. Because they're painted.... white? Pink?"
"Do you like flowers? [because i already had a vase of flowers on the coffee table] Because I was just guessing that you did." [Oh, you mean you didn't already know that it was customary to bring flowers to a girl on a date? You thought you were taking a stab in the dark? Where you standing in the store trying to decide between a single red rose or a box of Ritz crackers?]
"So, do you like Paris? I've been to Hawaii." [What? I don't see the correlation between Paris and Hawaii. I absolutely cannot hold a conversation with you, and am going to begin drinking faster].
So anyways, we go to dinner at a little wine bar a few blocks away. I tell him I deferred for the semester. He judges me, and says he can't help it because he is old fashioned. Then proceeds to tell me that he commonly yells at and belittles his brother-in-law for not making more money than his sister. Because men should be the breadwinners- always.
I say, "So, then you must not respect that I deferred for a semester so that I can pay for school."
Bastard: "No, not really. Your parents should just pay for school anyways."
[Chugging martini, staring at either ceiling or plate].
I try to change the subject.
Me: "How did you end up at Loyola anyways?"
Bastard: "I don't know."
[Give me something to work with here! Say something normal- or at least not boring/offensive!] "Well, where else did you apply?"
"UPenn, Chapel Hill, Syracuse, Columbia. You?"
"I only applied out of state, so Loyola, Towson in Maryland, Lynchburg in Virginia, Clemson in South Carolina, and NYU."
"Oh, I applied to NYU, too."
"Yeah, why didn't you go there?"
"I got waitlisted."
"Oh."
"What about you?"
"It was too expensive."
"Wait- you got in?"
"Yes... oh wait. You're surprised, aren't you? First you judged me for deferring, and now you're surprised that I got into a school you didn't get into. You thought I was dumb!"
"Well, I mean, you deferred from school."
"So wait- if you thought I was dumb, then why would you want to take me out? To you, I'm just a pretty face, aren't I?"
"I wanted to take you out because I'm okay with you just being a pretty face. But now I know you're smart too, so tonight just got a lot better."
OMFG. I CANNOT CATCH A BREAK WITH THIS IDIOTIC, JUDGMENTAL, NAIVE, OVER-PRIVILEGED PRICK!
Cut to the end of the night, as he's walking me home telling me how awesome it is that he's tall because I can wear heels and we can be a tall power couple. ughhhhhhhhh.
I try to run inside my door, but he spins be around and "kisses" me. By "kisses" I mean tries to eat my face. I mean, like he had a lamprey-like suction on my face from my nostrils to my chin. I now have eau de twatwaffle ALLLL OVVEERRRR MY FACE.
Now, I had to work at 11pm (my second job is as a bartender at Hamilton's, Loyola's college bar).
Twatwaffle: "I'll come see you later at work, okay?"
Me: "You really don't have to do that. It will be dead. Really, don't come. There is no need."
TW: "Oh, I'm coming. See you later."
Me: "Ugh, Fine. Bye."
I have given NO signals that I appreciate his company or like him in the least bit. Not-a-one.
I get to work and text him that its totally dead and that he DOES NOT need to come. He responds with, "Babe, I just made some pizza with my roommates, and I'l be there in a while. I already want to see you again ;o)"
I'M SORRY, WHAT?!?!?! DID YOU JUST CALL ME "BABE" AND THEN USE AN EMOTICON??????????? I HATE YOU. PURE AND SIMPLE.
He shows up. In a Bulls jersey and jeans. Yes, a tank top in a bar on saturday night. WHY??? He then sits with my roommates and every time I looked at their table, he would make eye contact with me and BLOW ME AIR KISSES. FROM ACROSS THE BAR. AIR KISSES.
ARE YOU GETTING THIS? ONE DINNER DATE TOGETHER, AND AN HOUR LATER HE'S SITTING 20 FEET AWAY IN A TANK TOP BLOWING ME AIR KISSES. i absolutely hate my life and am wondering where the hidden cameras are.
My roommate comes over to tell me that whenever somebody comes up to their table to say hello, Twatwaffle points at me and says, "I'm dating her."
WTF. I WANT TO CUT MYSELF. SERIOUSLY. SELF MUTILATION WOULD FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE PRESENCE OF THIS CRAZYPANTS.
The icing on the cake:
He gets up and walks past me at the bar to go to the bathroom. As he walks by, he mouths out, "I love you."
seriously.
absorb that.
The next night, Nital dictated a text for me to send to him, saying I wasn't interested. It was very simple and to the point. Something like, "Thanks for dinner last night, but I think I'm just going to focus on myself right now. I need some time to myself. See you around campus."
His response?
"What did I do wrong?"
eat that up.
only in alikelly's life,
amk
"Ugh! He was so gross and bad! It was such a terrible night!"
Manager at CPK: "Did you get free dinner and drinks out of it?"
"Yes"
"Okay then."
iTunes
I think that the number one most played song in a person's iTunes says a lot about them. Or even their top three. Out of the thousands and thousands of songs stored in my iTunes, some have been played just 3 or 4 times, or even never. My top three:
3. "Say" by John Mayer with 163 plays
2. "Love You 'Till The End" by The Pogues with 201 plays
1. "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly with 218 plays.
The rest of my top 25 is spattered with Taylor Swift, Bob Seger, Joe Cocker, The Dixie Chicks and Carrie Underwood.
Share your top three in the comments below. Please. If you do, I promise I'll update more often.
LIFE UPDATES:
1. No more southern bf. for now.
2. I deferred from Loyola this semester because I didn't want to take out more loans, so...
3. I got a second job to save up and pay for my last year at Loyola up front in August, so...
4. I will now graduate from Loyola in May 2010 with a bachelors in Advertising/PR and a minor in Hating The American Education System.
5. I am going to Naples, Florida for spring break- March 15-22.
6. The reason I fell of the face of the planet the past two months is because of all the big new plans and trying to orchestrate them and work enough to pay for the big new plans. Sorry I never return calls- email is much better for me.
Miss you all, wish I could join you for the Oscars but I work weekends. My "weekend" is Tuesday and Wednesday.
Hopefully see you soon!!!!
amk
"If it seems a childish thing to do, do it in remembrance that you are a child."
-Frederick Buechner
3. "Say" by John Mayer with 163 plays
2. "Love You 'Till The End" by The Pogues with 201 plays
1. "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly with 218 plays.
The rest of my top 25 is spattered with Taylor Swift, Bob Seger, Joe Cocker, The Dixie Chicks and Carrie Underwood.
Share your top three in the comments below. Please. If you do, I promise I'll update more often.
LIFE UPDATES:
1. No more southern bf. for now.
2. I deferred from Loyola this semester because I didn't want to take out more loans, so...
3. I got a second job to save up and pay for my last year at Loyola up front in August, so...
4. I will now graduate from Loyola in May 2010 with a bachelors in Advertising/PR and a minor in Hating The American Education System.
5. I am going to Naples, Florida for spring break- March 15-22.
6. The reason I fell of the face of the planet the past two months is because of all the big new plans and trying to orchestrate them and work enough to pay for the big new plans. Sorry I never return calls- email is much better for me.
Miss you all, wish I could join you for the Oscars but I work weekends. My "weekend" is Tuesday and Wednesday.
Hopefully see you soon!!!!
amk
"If it seems a childish thing to do, do it in remembrance that you are a child."
-Frederick Buechner
Sunday, December 14, 2008
THIS JUST IN
PAYING THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO HAVE THIS EDUCATION IS PROBABLY THE BIGGEST WASTE OF MONEY IN THE HISTORY OF MY FAMILY.
I AM 22 YEARS OLD. I HAVE BEEN ANALYZING AND WRITING ABOUT SHAKESPEARE FOR A LITTLE OVER EIGHT YEARS NOW.
I AM LEARNING NOTHING NEW.
STOP IT, LOYOLA. I HATE YOU.
LET ME DO SOMETHING THAT MATTERS, RATHER THAN A PAPER THAT HAS TO BE A SPECIFIC NUMBER OF PAGES IN A SPECIFIC FONT WITH SPECIFIC MARGINS IN A SPECIFIC FORMAT ABOUT A SPECIFIC SUBJECT WITH A VERY SPECIFIC THESIS.
LIFE IS NOT SPECIFIC. THIS EDUCATION IS NOT PREPARING ME FOR THE REAL WORLD.
I AM SO MIND-NUMBINGLY FED UP WITH THIS SHIT.
in serious need of xanax and merlot,
amk
I AM 22 YEARS OLD. I HAVE BEEN ANALYZING AND WRITING ABOUT SHAKESPEARE FOR A LITTLE OVER EIGHT YEARS NOW.
I AM LEARNING NOTHING NEW.
STOP IT, LOYOLA. I HATE YOU.
LET ME DO SOMETHING THAT MATTERS, RATHER THAN A PAPER THAT HAS TO BE A SPECIFIC NUMBER OF PAGES IN A SPECIFIC FONT WITH SPECIFIC MARGINS IN A SPECIFIC FORMAT ABOUT A SPECIFIC SUBJECT WITH A VERY SPECIFIC THESIS.
LIFE IS NOT SPECIFIC. THIS EDUCATION IS NOT PREPARING ME FOR THE REAL WORLD.
I AM SO MIND-NUMBINGLY FED UP WITH THIS SHIT.
in serious need of xanax and merlot,
amk
Friday, December 12, 2008
Meet Henry.
My new son. He is a toy Australian Shepherd and currently weighs 2.3 lbs. I officially adopt him on Monday. He's a really fuzzy little bag of sassy 'tude. I've decided that he is the new mascot for Camp Wewabeca, as we probably won't be able to get our hands on a domestic hart. If I am actually capable of training a dog, his breed is amazing at agility. Dog agility: the newest activity at Camp Wewabeca? And no, Em, he won't be a prissy, yippy little ankle-biter toy dog; he's a big shepherding dog in a little body. Milo is very excited for his new baby brother.
P.S.-MLA, Eric wanted me to name him Scout, but I said no because you want to name one of your daughters Scout and I wouldn't steal your name.
loving Henry,
amk
"I don't think it's the best idea, but I know you're going to do what you want to do."
-Mom
"I dont think you should do it, but you always do whatever you want, no matter what people say."
-Clay
P.S.-MLA, Eric wanted me to name him Scout, but I said no because you want to name one of your daughters Scout and I wouldn't steal your name.
loving Henry,
amk
"I don't think it's the best idea, but I know you're going to do what you want to do."
-Mom
"I dont think you should do it, but you always do whatever you want, no matter what people say."
-Clay
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Back to the Center of It
Okay, I moved to the city to "find myself" and all that crap, but really I've just gotten lost in the big process that college has become. (Please note: this is not a long, bitching rant, just give me a second to set this up).
These recent years, I was too preoccupied getting through life to spend time living it. What I wanted was pushed aside to make room for what I had to do.
I don't like school. I never have. I don't care about grades, as long as I pass. Is that seriously the way one should tackle a $140,000 education? I have become jaded and view this opportunity as a burden. It's so sad. The saddest part is that the hatred I feel towards school consumes me, and makes me miss out on the good things. I have been so busy hating classes and papers and presentations that I have forgotten what I enjoy, and what is at the core of me.
I love working with my hands, and fixing things. I love roofing houses, manual labor, and building things. I'm very hands on; if something is broken, I have to fix it. I am not okay with a lopsided coffee table or a squeaky door. I like demolition and construction.
Examples:
When I was 7 and my brother was 10, he got a tool bench for Christmas and I got an E-Z Bake Oven. He was the one making brownies, and I was the one going at a 2x4 with a hacksaw.
In sixth grade, I helped roof my godparents house. The following summer, I was 13 and I laid and nailed the shingles on the majority of my parent's house. That Christmas, I put a pneumatic nailer on my Christmas list. I got a cordless drill.
I fix things my guy friends can't fix in their apartments (door jams, furniture, faucets, appliances) and they look at me dumbfounded. Yes, I realize I am not normal, and you're welcome.
Point is, I love to work with my hands and fix things. My parents always thought I would be an engineer because I loved to change the way things worked, after figuring out how they worked in the first place. (Too bad engineering = math).
Also, most little girls love ponies and puppies and kitties and bunnies, et cetera. I never grew out of that. I love, love, love to be around animals, to take care of them. I need more of that.
Lastly, I miss mattering. In my life, nobody depends on me. It doesn't really matter if I show up at work; tourists will still eat pizza and the world will keep going 'round. It doesn't matter if I go to class or turn in a paper; the world will not be changed either way. If I were to stop shopping and eating out, those stores and restaurants would still function without my business. I am doing nothing for the betterment of the world, and I think that that is the most frustrating aspect of my current life: I am stuck in this college situation because of the financial investment already made, but have no motivation to do well because it doesn't mean anything. I am not helping anybody. I am not changing the world. I am not even changing myself, just losing the things that I used to define myself by.
The most "hands-on" I get these days is turning on my laptop, and filling my cat's food dish just isn't all that fulfilling. I need to mean something, to have a purpose, and to have something to wake up for in the morning.
loving reflection,
amk
Me: "My grandpa used to blame his farts on a spider in the room."
Eric: "The Jamaican Barking Spider?!?!?!"
Me: "Yeah!"
Nital: (under her breath) "It's a white people thing. It's a white people thing. It's a white people thing."
These recent years, I was too preoccupied getting through life to spend time living it. What I wanted was pushed aside to make room for what I had to do.
I don't like school. I never have. I don't care about grades, as long as I pass. Is that seriously the way one should tackle a $140,000 education? I have become jaded and view this opportunity as a burden. It's so sad. The saddest part is that the hatred I feel towards school consumes me, and makes me miss out on the good things. I have been so busy hating classes and papers and presentations that I have forgotten what I enjoy, and what is at the core of me.
I love working with my hands, and fixing things. I love roofing houses, manual labor, and building things. I'm very hands on; if something is broken, I have to fix it. I am not okay with a lopsided coffee table or a squeaky door. I like demolition and construction.
Examples:
When I was 7 and my brother was 10, he got a tool bench for Christmas and I got an E-Z Bake Oven. He was the one making brownies, and I was the one going at a 2x4 with a hacksaw.
In sixth grade, I helped roof my godparents house. The following summer, I was 13 and I laid and nailed the shingles on the majority of my parent's house. That Christmas, I put a pneumatic nailer on my Christmas list. I got a cordless drill.
I fix things my guy friends can't fix in their apartments (door jams, furniture, faucets, appliances) and they look at me dumbfounded. Yes, I realize I am not normal, and you're welcome.
Point is, I love to work with my hands and fix things. My parents always thought I would be an engineer because I loved to change the way things worked, after figuring out how they worked in the first place. (Too bad engineering = math).
Also, most little girls love ponies and puppies and kitties and bunnies, et cetera. I never grew out of that. I love, love, love to be around animals, to take care of them. I need more of that.
Lastly, I miss mattering. In my life, nobody depends on me. It doesn't really matter if I show up at work; tourists will still eat pizza and the world will keep going 'round. It doesn't matter if I go to class or turn in a paper; the world will not be changed either way. If I were to stop shopping and eating out, those stores and restaurants would still function without my business. I am doing nothing for the betterment of the world, and I think that that is the most frustrating aspect of my current life: I am stuck in this college situation because of the financial investment already made, but have no motivation to do well because it doesn't mean anything. I am not helping anybody. I am not changing the world. I am not even changing myself, just losing the things that I used to define myself by.
The most "hands-on" I get these days is turning on my laptop, and filling my cat's food dish just isn't all that fulfilling. I need to mean something, to have a purpose, and to have something to wake up for in the morning.
loving reflection,
amk
Me: "My grandpa used to blame his farts on a spider in the room."
Eric: "The Jamaican Barking Spider?!?!?!"
Me: "Yeah!"
Nital: (under her breath) "It's a white people thing. It's a white people thing. It's a white people thing."
Friday, November 14, 2008
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