When words fail...

post with bullets

• I thought today was going to be a breeze. After all its my last work day for the week. But no! I got a call earlier from some office who came barging in about an outstanding balance which I knew nothing about. So I asked her questions so I can have a sense of what she's talking about, only to be answered with an attitude - that she already left an information which I didn't get. I just sighed but that didn't stop me from asking her questions. Heck if she is going to give me attitude, I will give her some as well. My family and friends are going to laugh at this. I have been told that I have a sweet voice on the phone. That I sound like a little kid which isn't always a good thing. With the kind of environment that I work in, I think some people underestimate me when they talk to me on the phone and think that they can push me around. In the same way, I think some people think that they are talking to this really "big" person because supposedly I speak with such authority and get the surprise of their life when they see me in person - I am nowhere in the vicinity of "big". I like it though. I like it when I leave people guessing. But I really hate it when people misplace their "bad day" on innocent people. Its not my fault if she is having one so she shouldn't have lashed at me. I was merely asking for more information so I can help her. It turned out, the service was given long before I even took over. So I really need all the information to be able to get to the bottom of this. And if its due to my staff's inefficiency then at least I know who to reprimand. But if we are totally not responsible then she will hear it from me. I just cannot go on blindly. I need all the information I need before I chew her head off. LOL


• Maybe its due to the above incident or maybe not but I felt two sharp pains in my chest which made the hypochondriac part of me go crazy. It felt like I was stabbed, not that I have been. I actually almost keeled. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain so for me to react the way I did speaks volumes. Its more physical than emotional so its not a "broken heart". One of the perks of working at a clinic is I can just go down and have myself checked. I am procrastinating until after lunch. Give me a break, I am scared. Now that is the downside of working in the clinic.


• My EKG came out normal. They say maybe it may be due to anxiety or maybe because I am stressed out. Our physician assistant said it may also be a condition called angin@ pectoris - "a pain in the center of the chest which is induced by exercise (huh? maybe lack of) and relieved by rest and may spread to jaws and arms (yup!). Angina pectoris occurs when the demand for blood by the heart exceeds the supply of the coronary arteries." It could also be the lack of oxygen in my heart. Geez, maybe I shouldn't chew that girl's head off then when I call her back. She's not worth getting sick over.


• After the events of this morning, I decided maybe its about time that I have a thorough general examination. I am the biggest chicken when it comes to doctors which is such an irony since I work at a clinic but I have to, need to have one the soonest possible time. My family's medical history isn't the world's best and its working against me. *sigh* And maybe its about time I take exercising and eating right more seriously now.


• One week from today, my dear, dear friend Xsty is going to walk down the aisle. I am sad I wont be able to make it to her wedding but she knows I am happy for her and Tana. Xsty, we will celebrate when you get back. I had a conversation with a very good friend of mine, Doodz over at YM that it seems all of our friends are marrying off. There's only a few of us left, he said. When I asked him who else, his response made me laugh.."ikaw, ako, ikaw, ako, ikaw, ako at si ikaw at si ako" It's not entirely true but almost.


• My single status has turned from sad to pathetic when my very own Lola starts looking at every single, straight guy from 30 to 40 years old as prospects for me. Good thing I wasn't around when she supposedly said "kay Raissa muna" when a friend of my uncle went to their house for dinner and one of the members in the group was a guy close to my age and single. Had I been there, I would have wished for the ground to open up and swallow me alive. But at least my Lola has good taste, he has potential but I don't know how much since I didn't get to talk to him more than the "hi and hello". I believe there is more to a guy than good looks and a profile sheet. Yeah, "mapili daw ako"! Oh well!


• Our house which is undergoing renovations right now is starting to take some shape. Mama, my siblings and I are still not able to picture its final outcome but Papa has and he assures us its going to be nice. We trust him. For some reasons I cannot post the picture here but we are really elevated from the street. Our flooring is so high that if we still get flooded it means our entire neighborhood is already underwater.


• I went to the fiesta celebration of An Taclobanon Association of Southern California last weekend of our city's fiesta. I was looking forward to meeting friends, eating good food and some dancing. But I wasn't expecting that I would be nominated as one of the candidates to be an officer of the association. Some current officers have approached me about becoming an officer. They felt that with me being an officer it will pave the way for younger Taclobanons in the US to join and be more active in the association but I didn't take it that seriously until I saw my name in the list and needless to say I won a seat. So I am encouraging fellow Taclobanons out there to join. We need the young Taclobanons to join so that we will be the ones to usher the association into the future.


• Tomorrow is already July 1st. How time flies. Before I know it, its already August and its already Lola's birthday. Maybe I shouldn't think of it at this point yet lest I suffer another attack. I like to plan events because in that way, my being bossy is expected and forgiven. But, what makes planning for Lola's party quite a challenge is due to the fact that I am allowing as little interference as possible of some of my relatives. I know its killing some of them but nope I am not going to allow them to ruin it for everyone else. I am not going to allow the "vacuums" around to run the show and take credit when credit isn't due. As it is, we are already not getting the help that we need, require, deserve and for us to hear some snide comments from people is uncalled for. If they do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. We are not doing this for ourselves but for Lola who deserves this after everything she puts up with. This is the person who gave life to you, to your significant others, that shouldn't even be quantified. No wonder I am having bouts of anxiety partnered with hyperacidity and other emotion triggered ailments.


• RELAX. This is what I need to do SO badly.

Looking in

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life. You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds. You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Waste of sunshine

Today is summer solstice wherein it is the day in the year with the longest daylight. Today also marks the official start of summer. A few years ago on a summer solstice, Chary wanted to go to the beach but we both had work so that wasn't possible. We live pretty close to the beaches but its such a shame that we hardly even go there. For one, the waters can be frigid no matter how high the temperature is that day. Plus, I guess since we know its just there we tend to take it for granted and just not go. Its the case of "next time". But it would be nice to go once in awhile and just bask in the sun, watch the waves and relax. Summer it seems came early this year. A few weeks ago, it has been terribly hot and daylight has been longer but it has been wasted on me. When I get home from work, the sun is still out. Even if its almost 8 pm, its still sunny. But instead of me enjoying such a moment, I am already in my house clothes, pretty much ready to go to sleep. What a waste of sunshine indeed. I don't really know what to do or where to go. Even if I do want to do something or go somewhere, its one of those things that I really don't want to do by myself. With people busy with their own lives, our schedules just do not match up and thus once again get-togethers are reserved for "next time".

But for how long would we have a "next time"? It's so ironic that people believe that "life is short". That we have to live each day as if its our last and yet "next time" is still part of our vocabulary. I don't know whether the phrase "next time" is our own little prayer of hope. That tomorrow when another day breaks we would still be able to live it, experience it. Or is it synonymous to masking our own fears of the unknown, of the unpredictable. That we postpone what needs to happen now for tomorrow because we are not prepared of what is going to happen, of what is to happen. I think its little of both. We are hopeful for tomorrow to come so that we would have something to look forward to. That we have tomorrow as a chance to rectify our mistakes and inadequacies of today. Another chance to do what needs to be done. But then again, tomorrow also hinders us to say what we need to say today, what we need to do today. Tomorrow becomes our excuse to prolong, to extend what needs to happen because we fear of what the outcome would be. We fear of what would happen if we seize today and it doesn't happen the way we would want it to be, would we be able to face tomorrow? How would we face tomorrow?

I wish it is easy to just seize the day, "carpe diem" but as a lot of things in this world, its easier said than done. To some its an easy thing to do but its not true for everyone. We all have our own personal reasons why we have our "next time". But hopefully "next time" will still be there when we open our eyes because if not, it will not only be a waste of sunshine but a waste of life, a waste of time, a waste of chance that we may not have again.

"I'd like to buy a vowel."

My aunt called me without so much of a greeting. She just barged in with a question...

"What are the vowels?"

I was taken aback for a bit then replied "a,e,i,o u"

I may have forgotten a lot from what I learned in school, after all its been awhile but I think I still know my alphabet.

"Then how come JJ's teacher said that "y" is a vowel. She underlined the letter "y" in the words like "try" and "multiply" as being vowels. The instruction was for the students to color the vowels in each word." My cousin didn't color the letters "y" and "w".

JJ is my 7 year old cousin who is in first grade. My aunt checks his quizzes and homework all the time like she should. And after the issue with a math problem (will explain that later) and after finding out that the teachers do not even check if the students did their homework right or not, she has become more vigilant. It turns out that as long as the students submitted their homework, its fine and because they have a certain schedule to follow. It becomes the students' responsibility to catch up.

What?? "Y" is a vowel? Well, I did explain to my aunt that the letter "y" does sometimes take the place of a vowel sound when its anywhere else in the syllable and the word doesn't start with "y". It takes the vowel sound when the letter before it is a consonant but as far as "y" being a vowel letter is concerned I don't think it is. This recent thing has been an ongoing discussion within the family. We have asked almost everyone, with ages ranging from 7 year olds to 65 year olds and we all have the same answer "a,e,i,o,u". Even on the show WheelOfFortune, the contestants don't say "Y" or "W" when they ask if they could buy a vowel.

My aunt went to the teacher to verify and she indeed was told that "y" is a vowel but my aunt wasn't convinced so she asked the teacher if she (the teacher) could provide her with some writing or update that "Y" and "W" are now considered vowels. I don't know if she has gotten it. Since we haven't gotten anything from the teacher, another aunt's co-worker went to as far as online to get to the bottom of it. In the website of OxfordDictionaries, it said that "yes the letter Y is a vowel or a consonant! In terms of sound. The letter Y can be used to represent different sounds in different words, and can therefore fit either definition." The site went to explain that "whether the letter Y is a vowel or a consonant is therefore rather an arbitrary decision." and add that "the consonant sound is not consistently represented in E.nglish spelling by any other letter, and perhaps for this reason Y tends traditionally to be counted among the consonants."

I knew about this. All of us knew about this. It pertains more to the rules in spelling and grammar which there are a lot but I do not think its about the letter. How then should the instruction in my cousin's quiz been formatted for a 7 year old to understand. Or the bigger question, were the students been made aware of such a rule for them to answer it right? My cousin's quiz wasn't the only one so he wasn't some specific case.

My aunt asking for some proof was to find out if she (my aunt) is so out of touch with today's education and lessons and feared that she would be teaching her children the wrong thing. The teacher was okay in looking for a proof to give to my aunt but after she telling my aunt that "its how it is in this country." I was livid. What was the teacher trying to say? That we were not taught right in the P.hilippines? That we have a different set of alphabets, vowels and consonants? Apparently this teacher didn't know much about history because if I remember right the first teachers in the P.hilippines were from this country which explains why we follow A.merican E.nglish as the medium of instructions. Maybe she should have explained it the way Oxford explained it and kept such comments to herself. My aunt was merely asking, making a clarification and not questioning her teaching abilities even if my aunt has reason to. This is after all the same teacher who gave her students' math homework to a teacher's aide to correct without a proper answer key and who corrected the students' right answer with her wrong one. The math problem was: Four friends bought a pizza. It was divided equally among them. How much did each friend get? The choices were: one whole, 1/2, 1/4, 3/4 Correct answer: 1/4. According to the teacher's aide its one whole. Which clearly is wrong. My aunt went to tell the teacher and it was soon corrected. So in the case of the "y" and the "w", my aunt was right in asking for some explanation and clarification as well.

So what is it then? How do we then answer the question...

"What are the vowels?"