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12:00AM 3/28/2006

Happy Birthday!!!

- Mama

How fitting is it that at the stroke of midnight the very first greeting I got was from the person I owe my life to - my Mama! Papa already sent me a text message a day early. He is functioning on Philippine time so when it was the 28th there he greeted me. His text made me tear up because he said that early that day Mama was just recalling that as if it was just yesterday that I was on a crib at the bakery and here I am now all grown up but sans a lovelife. Thanks Papa! But of course, he just had to add the one comment I should get used to this year..."lagas ka na!" (You're old!). Along with it are:

"wala ka na sa month ng February" (You cant be found in the month of February)

"malapit ka na mawala sa kalendaryo" (You will soon no longer be in the calendar)

"30 ka na?! (insert gasp) ang tanda mo na!" (You are 30?! You are old!)

Another first was my sister Jehann greeting me a few seconds after my mom did. It was a surprise since my sister is usually asleep by midnight. But she set her alarm so she can greet me before she goes back to bed. My other siblings: Nicco and Camille sent me text messages. I am really grateful for all the greetings - in Friendster, forums, emails, calls, text messages, instant messages just about any avenue there is. It is truly heartwarming.

Turning 30 is scary. Its daunting. I do not know what to expect or what is going to happen. I guess I got too comfortable living in my 20's that nothing could prepare me for this stage in my life. But a friend told me that there should be nothing to be scared of because I have a lot to be thankful for. He is right. I have the greatest parents, siblings, cousins and friends. I have lived a good life as well and that is enough to celebrate and to toast the years to come.

I guess I am one of the few that actually do not mind telling people my real age when asked. I am not insulted by such questions. Not that its a joyride either but I just see no sense denying or hiding it. I think I heard it on Oprah one time that "to deny one's age is to deny a part of who you are". I have no intentions of sorts so when people ask, I tell them. Usually they do not believe anyway which is a compliment I gladly accept. Just this morning someone actually thought I was 17. Oh if that sweet old lady only knows.

Today marks the start of a new year for me. I don't have expectations nor grandiose plans. I am just going to enjoy it as much as I can.

What's in the stars?

I am not really a big believer of horoscopes but its my birthday so I indulged myself.

Aries 3/28/2006

Relying on others doesn't come easily to you, but you need a third party's advice. Right now, this person has much more detachment on a tricky topic than you do. What they can tell you is invaluable.

It's time to relax and have some fun -- not alone, but not in a crowd of thousands, either. You want to have some fun, but you probably also want to spend your time with just one quality person. Someone you've been dying to spend your time with. So instead of dragging yourself out and pretending to have a good time if you're not really in the mood, snuggle up, kick back and enjoy a quiet evening -- a party of two.

You need to make sure you are surrounded by people for most of the day. You can absorb the energy they generate, and they will probably need some direction from you at the right time.

Your understanding of others and your willingness to jump right in makes you an ideal romantic advisor at the moment, so don't be surprised if everyone's consulting you about matters of the heart. Just advise carefully!

Dragon 3/28/2006

You'll have the possibility to reach a long-coveted objective. You'll also succeed in making yourself indispensable in your professional circle and your ideas will be taken as the authority. Some risks of disorders, especially as concerns your kidneys. Perturbations in your emotional life, but you can finally work out an understanding with your mate. Influential people may offer you their help to promote your affairs. A change may prove very favorable and based on a stable and serious union.

You'll devote much of your time and energy to the task of bringing to a successful conclusion the projects that you have your heart set on, but some unexpected obstacles will slow down their progress and put your patience to the rough test. Also, you'll often be set against yourself, for you will have too much ambition and will forgive yourself no weakness or shortcoming. Try to be less tense and you'll be promptly rewarded, as this year the stars will greatly favor patience and tenacity. Casual encounters may very well end up as profound friendships. These relationships will prove most interesting to you since, apart from their sentimental aspect, a common intellectual research will give your exchanges a non-conventional character that will delight you. Remember that 'friendship doubles joys and reduces sorrows by half' (Francis Bacon).

It's nearer than I want it to be

1 week

7 days

168 hours

10080 minutes

I still have mixed feelings about it. I don't know what to expect, what to think or what to do. Or maybe I am just thinking into this way too much than I should. I can spend this week dissecting what the past year has been or I can just look back and reflect on it with a smile even with all the ups and downs. I can look back and ponder on the "what ifs" and "could have beens" or just shrug, pick myself up, move on and look ahead.

Is this year going to be just like last year that it will pass by so swiftly that I wouldn't even notice it much. Or would it be different? I don't know if this year would be better or worse than last year but I hope it would be better and happier. So far it is starting to look promising and interesting.

Dinner with Chantal and others on Tuesday

Dinner with Isy and Kat on Wednesday

Party with relatives on Sunday

Reality in TV

(Disclaimer: Some parts of this entry may be a spoiler to some readers who follow these shows. Please read with caution.)

I think people will be surprised to know that I watch a lot of law-enforcement themed shows: C$I (V3gas, Mi@mi & N3w Y0rk); Law&Order: SVU, WithoutATrace, PrisonBreak and 24. I like how C$I and L&O are able to crack cases and the process that they go through and WAT finding the missing and how I feel like I was one of the characters who are searching for that missing person. I will admit that the first thing that drew me into PrisonBreak was its star: WentworthMiller then the story got really good and I have been watching it regularly. As for 24, I would only watch it sporadically but my uncle got me hooked so now I try to watch it regularly as well. It is fast paced and adrenaline-filled.

Other than for entertainment purposes, so far its been these last 2 shows (PB & 24) that has stirred the most emotion from me specifically disdain for the two characters in these shows: the Vice-President in PB and President Logan in 24. I guess the reason why I abhor them so much is because I know of people like these. I have had encounters with people like these and it is appalling. I usually refrain from discussing politics but I think watching these shows last night just made me so mad. I don't know if there could ever be a more stupid president than President Logan. Each episode I feel like eradicating him from this world. He is more concerned of how he will be perceived than taking care of his citizens. He has limited skills in decision making and relies so much on his aides who also don't know much. He would rather listen to his aides than to his wife who has been so far right in her observations eventhough her state of mind is in question. But she actually make sense when she isn't drunk or drugged. Sometimes I wonder how did this dimwit ever become president but then I stop and remember that I don't have to look very far because all I need to do is just look outside my window and such a character is prevalent in Philippine politics. Each election year, we have "clowns" roaming our streets appealing to us to give them a chance to serve us but only for them to be unreachable when the call to serve is already there. But then again who really is to blame why we have these "clowns" in office: Is it them who are testing if we will take their bait or is it us, voters who take the bait? So is the stupid that is President Logan a reflection of our politicians or a reflection of us, voters? I guess a little of both and maybe the reason why I am so enraged by this character is because he is a manifestation of the reality in Philippine politics that try as we might to fight against continue to persist.

If the character of President Logan irritates the heck out of me, the Vice President on PB makes me so mad. I feel like she is the one that needs to be put in the electric chair. If President Logan is stupid, the VP is just pure evil and she reminds me so much of someone I know. The VP is just way prettier than this other person. The way she manipulates, uses and takes advantage of her position is so dead-on and the sad part is it seems no one is able to stop her...yet. She will do just about anything just to cling on to that power that she holds so dear. This person I know even went to as far as pressuring people in government to close down a school because its owned by someone who might run against her and topple her. A school that is giving free education to deserving students. She is going to do that to ensure her re-election even if its at the expense of her constituents' education and dream of a better life not only for themselves but for their families as well. The VP doesn't appear regularly but when she does, she just spews pure venom that I always feel like sticking my hand into my tv, holding her by the neck and shaking the life out of her.

I am not a violent person but when it comes to characters like these I cannot help it. I guess because I am not able to do it to the person and the characters on tv shows are much more accessible and without repercussions. The beauty though of watching these characters on tv is I can always change the channel but sadly such isn't the case in real life. We all have to deal with it whether we like it or not. But then again, we can always choose not to deal with it at all when we don't allow it from the very beginning. Then again that is easier said than done.

Bonding time

For the past two Saturdays my relatives and I have been having some drinking sessions and our choice of drink was this. I actually do not want to refer to it as drinking sessions. When I think of it, what comes to mind is a group of people drinking and the talking part is just secondary. Usually when everyone are pretty much drunk. Ours was more of good conversations and we just happen to have some beers on hand. I am not a beer drinker but when I tried San Mig Light I liked it. It was smooth and didn't have that bitter after taste which turned me off beer before. Even when it wasn't ice cold it was still good. I know that this is not something new to my sister and brother in the Philippines but its quite new here. Its only been lately that this was available.

It was pretty fun but I admit kind of odd to be drinking with a male cousin who is 8 years older and 2 uncles, who were really not that old. Both are 40 years old and not at all far from our ages but still they are my uncles. They knew that I drink but never WITH them. Add to that we were having shots of this all around too. So it was a bit strange at first. If that wasn't weird enough, my 2 aunts and Lola were also there but they didn't drink it was just a cousin, my sister and myself.

Topics varied from the funny to serious to teasing. Being that it was only the 3 of us girls who are single, we got a lot of ribbing but it was all in good fun. We discussed family issues, relationships, and life in general. Its nice to have that relationship with my male relatives. We are able to get a good perspective into the male specie and we also got to ask age old questions about them. Not that we really got good answers but still. One funny moment was when my uncle told me specifically that "men are like diesel fuel. They need time to warm up!" To which I said "so you are admitting that you guys are slow!" This got laughs from everyone and a "batok" from my cousin. I admit I can be sarcastic and add alcohol to that, well...

Conversations like these are not at all new to me. I used to have the same conversations with my guy friends and guy cousins but never with uncles. It has been awhile since I felt I have had great conversations with people. Most of my cousins who I am always with are just in their teens. They have a far different concern that I do. So what happened this Saturday was nice. It was the first time we did it when it was just a small group of us and it was out of the blue. We just decided to get together, get some drinks and we were not expecting that it was going to turn out the way it did. It was daunting at first to open up in front of my uncles. I can do that with my brother, my cousins and my friends well because they are closer to my age and I consider them my peers. Uncles just put them in a totally different level. After all they are my mom's youngest brother and brother-in-law. I guess I was anxious to get to know them deeper because I feared it might cloud this whole perception that I have in mind of them and vice versa. I didn't want their perception of me to be clouded. But boy was I wrong. I think it was a great opportunity to get to know one another well. Now, we cannot wait for the next one.

Happy 90th Lolo!

My maternal Lolo would have turned 90 today if he was still alive. He was 85 when he died. Had Lolo not uproot his family from San Pablo Laguna to Tacloban City, I don't think my parents would have ever met. So I thank him for that. When we remember him it is always attached to food. See, my Lolo was the cook in the family. He was usually up by 5 AM tinkering in his kitchen. Granted its not the best sound to wake up to with all those banging of pots and pans but anticipation boils to the surprise on what dishes he would prepare for that day. My cousins talk of how they would tell him during breakfast they want leche flan for dessert and come lunch time, there is already leche flan ready. He has spoiled us too because after having a taste of his leche flan, everything else does not even compare. I didn't like eating ampalaya (bittermelon) but I changed my mind when I tasted Lolo's ampalaya dish. For some reasons, he did something to take away the bitterness. Now, unless its cooked by a member of the family, I eat any ampalaya dish with caution. Good thing he passed on all his recipes to all his children. Even when he was sick and couldn't cook anymore, he still managed to be involved. Lola was cooking something and he was just sitting in his lounge chair and out of the blue, he would say "kulang ng paminta!". It left us all baffled as to how he even knew about it because he was right, it did lack pepper. He had the most sarcastic sense of humor of anyone I know and said it with a straight face which could make all of us laugh to no end. His many "hirits" would just make us laugh and shake our heads.

Lolo and Lola married young and they were married for 65 years. Looking at them, it doesn't seem like they have been married that long because they were most of the time enveloped in "newlywed bliss". I remember coming home from school when they were visiting us and I saw them sitting by the bench by our porch watching as people went by. Mama told me that they have been there since lunch time and it was already almost 6 when I went home. They would just sit there and talk for endless hours. He also liked to share stories of his growing up years with us. He wanted to become a pilot but due to financial constraints and family obligations he wasn't able to pursue it. But he didn't seen bitter when he would tell us that story. He would just shrug as if it was one of those. Not that he didn't want us to pursue our dreams but he was just merely telling us that there may be other things destined for us. He didn't languish in the "what could have beens", he just dealt with life as it came along. Being the father of 15 children wasn't easy but Lolo tried the best that he could. He made sure that all his children had an education that they could be proud of. He allowed them to pursue their dreams and yet still instilling in them that they have their individual family obligations that they have to attend to. All children took turns looking after the bakery - the family's primary source of income. When Mama took over the management, she instilled in us the very same thing.

I spent a good amount of my growing up years with them around. Up until I was 1, we lived with them at the bakery. When we moved into our own house, we would still spend our time there. Lolo would turn to me to ask for numbers when he would bet on jai alai. I would write the number in a piece of paper and hand it over to him. If he was asleep, I would roll the paper and slip it in between his toes. Lolo spoiled his grandchildren but not to the point of tolerating bad behavior. I don't think he has ever overstepped in his boundary as a grandparent. He doted on us but not once came in between when our parents felt the need to discipline us.

His last few months were tough. He was in and out of the hospitals but he would manage to pull through. Lolo had incredible strength. He didn't allow his age to be a deterrent. He and Lola would still travel from US to Philippines on their own until he got sick. We thought that in February of 2001 we would be saying goodbye but he gave a fight and gave us enough time to prepare ourselves and left in September of that year. Today, as we celebrate another year, we are really celebrating life. We are celebrating the life that he lived when he was still with us and we are celebrating the life that he left in each and every one of us. This is why we remember him with a smile and laugh rather than with tears.

Happy Birthday Lolo Desto!

DWU Re-opens

My alma mater Divine Word University closed down 10 years ago due to a labor dispute with the labor union. My siblings and I went to school there from kindergarten but it was only my sister Jehann and I who were able to finish our high school education there. My brother Nicco and sister Camille had to transfer to another school to finish their high school education. Papa along with a few of Mama's siblings graduated from this school as well. It was really sad that it had to close down but now good news after ten long years it is slated to re-open. But sadly, it cannot anymore keep the name Divine Word University because according to the Securities and Exchange Commission, the school closed down 10 years ago and hence lost its university status. So now, its new name will be Liceo del Verbo Divino. This is amazing news for everyone who has walked the halls of this school.

Leyte Samar Daily Express

Silver Lining

Papa always told us to be thankful that we grew up in the countryside. He told me that one time a few years back and it has stuck with me. Well, Tacloban really isn't a countryside but its a not a big cosmopolitan either and I like it that way. All four of us along with a lot of our friends ventured away to Manila or Cebu for college but we all still went home - sem breaks, Christmas breaks and best of all summer. Some have even returned and stayed. Just my siblings and me alone, the moment we find out when the last day of classes would be, its a sure thing that we are already calling the ticketing office to book our flights going home and we don't return to Manila until a day or two before classes start. We are packed a week before our departure for Tacloban but we don't pack until an hour before our return flight. Sometimes, Mama had to pack our stuff because we come up with a barrage of excuses just not to do it.

The past few days, much focus has been given on Leyte. It was even on breaking news in all the major television networks all over the world. Sadly, it is because of the tragedy that happened in Southern Leyte much like the Ormoc tragedy back in 1991. Its sad that we only gain focus when something bad happens to our tiny province. Without those I don't think people would even have a clue where to find it in the map of the Philippines. I experienced this first hand when my classmates do not even have an idea where Leyte was to think that the high school curriculum included Philippine Geography. I have had my share of "saan yun?" when they would ask me where I came from like I came from another planet. It was irritating and annoying but I figured after awhile that it was a pitiful sight. How sad that they do not know about it. So instead of being pissed off, I decided to take it upon myself to educate them about Leyte with whatever I know.

Time moves in a slower pace there. There are no major malls or hot clubs but if one seeks some tranquility, one can find it there. The beaches are a short drive or walk away. They are no Boracay or Amanpulo or other beaches in the Philippines that gets featured in travel magazines. The beauty of our beaches is the fact that it doesn't need major planning nor lots of money to get there. My friends and I have had "spur of the moment" trips to the beach with just enough money to cover the jeepney fare and food. Those were fun times.

Tacloban City is small but one can find basic necessities and more. A lot of people I found out had this vision that we were far behind as far as technology goes and it surprised them that this wasn't the case. I read somewhere that Tacloban was one of the very first cities to have internet cafes. Almost all household had cable when not a lot of people in other parts of the country had them. Almost all households had telephone lines when maybe in other parts of the country were still clamoring to get one. Yes, we have an airport and there are regular flights to Manila daily. Sea and land are also alternative means of getting there. There are hotels and restaurants and bars. Abundant and wide array of the freshest seafoods. There is even one place in Tacloban where we always went to, its call "Baybayon" (seashore). We go there for breakfast, watch as the fishermen bring their harvest to the shore, we pick whatever seafood we want, have someone prepare it the way we want it and then we walk along the seashore and bask in the sea breeze and early morning sunshine while waiting for our food to cook.

I haven't been home in seven years but I get regular updates on what is going on in my province. I know enough to be amazed at how much progress there has been. Maybe I am just idealistic but I knew that there is potential for it to grow and improve. I guess for Eastern Visayas (Leyte & Samar) to be judged as "Best Destination" during one of the Travel Fairs was no fluke. It just needs more exposure of the good kind. We have the Pintados Festival every June 29. I bet not a lot of people know that the national dance of the Philippines, Tinikling originated from Leyte. I didn't know either until I was watching one of my cousins PCN (Philippine Cultural Night) performances and I read it on the program.

I bet there are far more good things about Leyte that I myself do not know yet but hope to discover. Papa's years in politics allowed him to explore places in Leyte that we didn't even know about. He would come home with stories and it always fascinated us. My sister and I plan to travel the province and make a travelogue in the near future. The tragedies of recent may have directed people's attention to my province but I hope it stays past when a sense of normalcy has been restored, people have rebuilt and the province is back on its feet again. Maybe there is a silver lining behind all these tragedies other than realizing that we have to take care of our environment and natural resources. I hope that people will discover that Leyte is way bigger than the tragedies that has become part of our history. If its asking too much from the rest of the world, I guess its not too much to ask from my fellow Leyteños. Aton Ini! (It's ours!)

Wag naman sana

Just as everyone else is recovering from the flu, I think I am about to get it when flu season should already be over. I have been sneezing incessantly for the past few days. I thought it was just my allergies acting up after all I walked by someone mowing their lawn two days in a row but it lasted more than that. Then, yesterday my sneezing got worse and is now partnered with an intense sore throat. I couldn't sleep last night and this morning I woke up with pain all over my body. I hope its just due to not sleeping in a good position and not the flu.

I do not like being sick. Worse, I do not like being sick without my mom around. Call me a baby but I think no matter how independent and grown-up we become, we unleash our inner "baby" when we get sick. We want our moms to be there for us. It sucks getting sick when you are by yourself. This has happened to me once and I am not one who goes through self-pity but that particular time I genuinely felt sorry for myself. Despite the soreness, the fever, I had to get up to prepare my food and to give my medicine to me. It didn't help that I got sick towards the end of December almost into the new year. My whole body just shut down that I had no choice but to stay in bed. I sent my parents a text message of my situation and no more than five minutes later, the phone rang and it was my brother on an overseas call. My parents were worried about me that they cried when they found out I was sick. I felt bad telling them but it sure helped hearing their voices for me to get well. Sure, I would have wished for a bowl of Mana Mila's soup or my mom telling me to take my medicines on time but that call somehow eased all the pain that I felt.

My parents don't know yet that I am not feeling well and I don't intend for them to find out. I am not really THAT sick yet and I do not want them to worry. They don't need it right now when our house is being renovated. They have to take advantage that it has stopped raining to start clearing our house. Its not going to be some major thing that they would have to tear our house down. Just some adjustments need to be made so as to avoid being flooded again. My dad's best friend since high school who also happens to be a civil engineer is overseeing the clearing so that they will still be able to salvage some materials and use them in the new house. My siblings and I are really saddened that our house has to be renovated but its not like its going to be changed dramatically. Just a little lift so that flood waters wont be able to seep in anymore.

Its Ash Wednesday and I have decided to give up eating rice for the entire season of Lent. That is a shocker. But can I excuse myself today since I am not feeling well? But that would be the same as cheating. *sigh* I don't know if I will be able to fulfill this but I am just glad that I am not alone in this. Most of my family members have decided to give up eating rice as well so at least I have some company. We can all encourage each other and at the same time scold each other if and when we fall off the wagon. My rice consumption really has no direct correlation with my colds in the cure of it but drinking loads of liquids has. So I cant use my being sick as an excuse to eat rice. Oh well!

I hope this cold and sore throat go away as soon as possible and not escalate into a flu. I should really just take a rest but staying at home wont do that to me. The weather isn't helping either. One day we have warm weather, the next minute its a sudden downpour. I hope summer comes already. For the mean time, I have to fend off this nasty cold and sore throat with an overdose of juices and water. And I hope to be well enough before I talk to my parents so they wont have to worry anymore. Tinolang isda sounds really good right now but I would have to eat rice with it. Hmm, di bale na!