Hmmm...

I honestly do not know what I feel about this

Petillas, Apostols in Leyte confirm alliance

SergioApostol is what? 80? and he's running again for the position that he held for 9 years until his wife took over his position when his term ended and now that his wife's term is ending, its back to him?? Whatever happened to 2nd District congressional seat being open? Granted that there is no incumbent candidate which makes it open in some ways but Sergio postol already held that position which gives him an unfair advantage since regardless of what his record says, there are still so many people in the 2nd district that are fiercely loyal to what favors they will be able to get once he is elected. And don't forget the "ambulance".

Rep.TrinidadApostol running for Mayor of Carigara? A position that her own daughter is holding right now? Where will the daughter go? Board? Really, can I be a flying voter so I can abstain from voting for any of these people? I have abstained before, I don't mind doing it again.

Yes, I do agree on the positive side, it will curb fighting between the two camps and the people of Leyte will not be confused, actually more like not fear on who to support. My family has ties to both - good and not so good. I am shifting between hope and indignation. What the Apostols did to my dad still stings, granted its been so many years. I can let go of other things but not what they did to Papa after all that he did for them. My family knows the truth but I think in some ways I want them to correct their "press release" of before and maybe then I can let it go. But then that would be asking for the impossible. I am not burdened by my disdain. I do not carry it with me everyday but it does come up from time to time especially when I read stuff like this because it brings me back to 1992 and every election year after that. It also makes me regress to 2004. Its an understatement to say that they are not exactly my favorite people. Not in the past 17 years.

Papa may not like what I am writing but he will never stop me from saying what I want to say. I don't have the influence or the money or the power that they have but at least I can say my family and I still have our dignity intact. I don't think they can say the same about themselves nor can people attach that to their name. Call it pride, call it bitterness. I call it hurt feelings of a daughter who had to be a witness to a great injustice done to her father. Nothing wrong in losing but only if it had been a fair fight. But with the Apostols, it will never be a fair fight.

Color my world

I was told it seemed like I was going through second childhood. People have this confused-slash-weirded out look when they find out what I have been doing on whatever spare time that I have. Who knew that an activity of my childhood would resurface when I saw my niece, Ali and my cousin, Chantal doing it one day. I am talking about coloring books. Ali and Chantal were doing coloring books - Ali's. She had this giant coloring book of Hello Kitty and she so eagerly allowed Chantal and I to get a page each and start coloring. It was actually an enjoyable experience, a very relaxing one. Both Chantal and I really had fun. It seemed Ali did too when she so eloquently said in her 4 year old body, "I'm glad I have company!" That blew me away.

We finished coloring our page that night and Ali let us bring our finished work home. But that didn't seem to sate the renewed feeling about it. The first opportunity I had to go get it, I did so. I got Chantal and I the same Hello Kitty coloring books and I have been coloring since. I didn't realize how much I would enjoy coloring books, Hello Kitty at that. I grew up around Hello Kitty, even now I still own and use a few Sanrio stuff here and there but really a coloring book. It may seem like a bit of a stretch but what Chantal and I like about it is its size. Its really big, almost like poster size. The pictures are pretty simple and uncomplicated. The outlines are thick so there's no "coloring beyond the lines" stuff. Oh okay, Hello Kitty is cute.

I don't do coloring book everyday. In fact ever since getting it, I have only done it once. I do it when I feel I need to settle, to relax, to slow down especially on a day when I feel like my whole day passed me by. Last Friday was like that. I had a lot things to do at work that when I got home, I felt the need to slow down. I got it, got my box of crayons and colored away. I didn't get to finish it since I had to go to practice. But as soon as I got home, no matter how late it was, I finished coloring the page before going to sleep. I don't know if it was a mere coincidence or because doing the coloring book relaxed me but when I woke up Saturday morning, I felt pretty good. I didn't let the day pass by lying in my bed or watching tv. I actually jumped up and started doing the things I needed to do. Even those that I didn't plan on doing that day, I did them or at least started on it. I think I was able to accomplish quite a lot in that day before heading out.

Its such a relaxing feeling. The only decisions we have to make is to decide on what hue to use and color away. Actually even that isn't really much. I don't agonize on which color for what. Its a page from a coloring book. I have no intentions of channeling Monet or Van Gogh. I pick the colors that jump to me. As we color the whole picture, there's no need to rush. Coloring allows us to take our time. To be patient as we painstakingly color each aspect of the whole picture. We just let the whole picture unravel right before our eyes. I don't make initial notes on which color go to which one. I just let it be and I don't remember the last time we just let things be especially in this world we live in now.

I have been looking for ways to de-stress at the end of the day but I couldn't seem to find one that filled that longing. That is until that fateful night, big thanks to Ali. Yes, it may seem weird for a woman my age to still be coloring books, Hello Kitty at that but I really don't care. It relaxes me and makes me take stock of my day. It allows me to let go of things that happened that day rather than musing and making myself worry even more. For that brief moment in my day, its all about the picture and me. I empty my mind and just let the picture do the talking and probably even the thinking. I didn't realize that such a childlike activity would have such an effect on me, but it did, it does.

The silver lining

(A.N. Please read this post first.)

After going through the repercussions of my desire for change, I found some respite this week. My hair was now in okay state and shape to have it cut again. I saw a picture of this Korean actress online and I wondered if it would suit me and the texture of my hair. I don't know what it was but Wednesday of this week, an idea to cut my hair clicked in my brain and I couldn't stop. I was asking my friends, my sister and cousins even my co-workers their opinions and most have been positive. Actually none was negative but more cautionary in tone. They just wanted me to be sure that it was what I wanted because it was going to be a change and they felt the style that I wanted would require more time. They know me that unless I feel like it, I prefer low maintenance hair. The less fuss and time the better. I think I am one of the few females I know who doesn't know how to work the blow dryer.

So yesterday (Thursday) with more excitement and determination than I have ever seen myself be I went back to Vic (Filipino as well) who have been cutting my hair for the past 7 years or so until I had that crazy idea two months ago. I showed him the picture and asked if it would suit me and he said "oo naman" (yes!) I sat in the chair and cut he did. He noticed my cut and knew he didn't do it. He just said that my top layers were cut shorter and that's it. That's the only comment I hear. Oh and that it seems my hair follows some proprietary rights of some sort because it seems its growth slowed down when the lady cut it but grows faster when Vic would cut my hair. Weird since hair is a dead cell but it actually seems to have feelings. "Nagtampo" is what they call it.

Unlike before that it seemed the lady took forever to cut my hair, Vic only did a few snips here and there and voila I was done. Two months ago I was sitting in that chair for a good 45 minutes to an hour I think. Yesterday? I was only there for all of it 30 minutes tops. Vic cut probably more than 12 inches of my hair (that's a lot!!), fixed the layering and I am done. After some styling I was out of the door.

I mentioned that this salon - Lodys has a more comfy vibe which it really does. In my 7 or so years of coming here, every client is treated like family. I know I am and so do most of my relatives. They have offered me breakfast, snack, lunch even dinner sometimes when I go there. What I learned from my mother is that it is essential that once in awhile women needs to be pampered and one way of doing that is going to the salon, whether to get a hair cut, a mani-pedi or a facial. I saw Mama go regularly to the salon and saw how it made her feel good and she encouraged us to do the same. So when I feel I need some pick me up or be rejuvenated I go to the salon and in one day get all those treatments. Its such a great feeling after that you took care of yourself and did something for yourself.

I got out of the salon with a big smile on my face. As soon as I got out I sent a text message to my sister, cousin and friends and told them that I loved it. It was a good decision that I made. I felt crazy because I couldn't stop smiling. I got the cut I wanted for a lesser price. A lot lesser price, three times lesser including tip. It is also low maintenance, just a little mousse and that's it. Today, one day later, I am still loving it. I don't think I will have any use for hair ties for a while.

My hair now is quite the departure from what my hair has been for the past 3 years. I grew my hair long for 3 years and in a few snips, it was all gone. It was a bold move on my part but I felt I needed a change. My long, straight hair has become boring and blah and so was certain aspects of my life. Its quite crazy to compare on how my life has been going with the state of my hair but that's how I feel about it. Now with shorter hair, I feel I can do anything - be bolder, be more carefree. Okay, wait I think that's too much of a stretch but I do feel that it would be a disservice to my hair if I will go all moody and melancholic and sullen. That attitude would just not bode well with how my hair looks right now. Someone said that my cut looks fresh and fits me well. I actually want to live up to that. Who knew getting a hair cut can be so liberating and such a mood shifter and lifter.

Change is good. Change is great. Going back to who always did my cut made me realize we don't have to go very far for change to happen. We just have to know what exactly it is that we want and be sincere and determined about it. I don't know if it was the changes in the exterior is what is changing the internal or the other way around but I sense now a connection between what is inside of me and what is seen outside. For some time there was a disconnect that I couldn't put my finger on. I still don't know what will happen or what I will do but somehow my hair cut now is really making me feel hopeful. That alone made it all worth it.

Two faces of change

You have heard it so many times.."change is the only thing constant"..."change is inevitable". Its true, people have to constantly evolve with the times because we have to go along as the world changes. But the effects of change can be a double-edged sword. It could be for the better or it could be for the worse. Either way, we just have to live with it and learn from it.

Just a forewarning. If you are expecting an insightful, philosophical post. This isn't the post to read. I am talking about a shallower topic but then who knows there might actually be a lesson to be learned from a haircut. I know I did.

Two months ago, I decided to try this new salon that two people I am related to have gone to have their hair cuts and they gave pretty good reviews. Its a well known salon in the Philippines which opened a branch here. I have heard about them for a long time, I checked their site and it seemed promising. Their charges are a bit more than where I always get my hair cut but for a change I went to try it.

I went after work without an appointment. It was very last minute that I decided or rather felt I wanted a hair cut so off I went. If they wont be able to take me in, no harm. I can either come back or change my mind completely. I wished they were full but more on that later. I got there and they had an available slot. They marveled in the fact that I was "referred" by my aunt so the "master stylist" aka owner was the one who cut my hair. Its a European salon or so they advertised but owned by a Filipino. It had a good vibe but not as comfortable as where I always go. She checked my hair which was really long at that time, up until the middle of my back. She diagnosed it as dry so she prescribed a "power dose". No kidding, that's what the conditioner or treatment is called. I told her that I wanted to keep the length. So cut and cut she did. Actually more like a trim since I already had layers from my haircut back in December. I was getting queasy by the minute since she just cut and cut and worse she did my layers using her "signature" dry cutting method which I should have told her doesn't work with the texture of my hair. She cut my hair after blow drying it AND flat ironing it. Which of course will yield a different result and which as if I do everyday. But then what do I know.

If her way of cutting was making me queasy, her remarks and that of her friends made me uncomfortable. They were talking as if I wasn't there. She was complaining that whoever did my haircut last December cut my layers too short and blah blah blah. So she was doing some "repairing" which really wasn't the case. How can you "repair" a 2 month old haircut? I didn't like it one bit. I mean yes you can show your "superiority" or expertise but not in the expense of putting down other people's work. Plus, I felt Vic (who does my hair) didn't deserve it. It was a minus point for them. One of her friends made a comment of "iba talaga ang layering ni madam" (madam's layering technique is something) and also said that when she saw my hair she was curious on how it would turn out because it looked like it was going to be a challenge (Thank you very much!)

After much cutting, she was finally satisfied with the cut that she did. Me, on the other hand not so much but okay I decided to give it a few days to get used to it. I paid it which was three times more than what I usually pay for a hair cut. I left the salon feeling hopeful. I got lots of compliments, well to be fair it really looked fine. But only because I just came from the salon but the next day..ugh! My hair looked like a tadpole. It was thicker on top and sure she kept the length but it was only a few wisps of hair. The bottom part of my hair literally looked like rat's tail. Not the description I prefer but it really did look like that. If that wasnt enough, I felt I looked like every Asian teenager in the county of Los Angeles. I go to places and every teenager I see have the same hair style as I do. From behind I thought I was seeing double or triple or quadruple. Not the best feeling but I figured its going to grow back and until such time it was in okay shape to be cut again I am just going to deal with it anyway I can. Needless to say from February until yesterday, my hair has always been in a ponytail unless I made an effort to flat iron it or braid it or something.

After that, I vowed never to go back there and will think twice of recommending it. Maybe for some it works but for me obviously it didn't. I did regret going and asked myself many times why I even went there. Change. For a change. That was my only excuse and reason why I went to try them. I really thought she would give me a different look but it was more of she criticized my previous cut and the state of my hair and that really didn't bode well with me. But at least now I know, another saying is right "if it aint broke why fix it". I was fine where I used to go, in fact happy there but I guess I wanted to test other waters and this is what I got. But then now at least I know. For every bad experience there's always a silver lining.