i'm damn tired nowadays...the assignment,presentation and coursework is killing me,everyday rush rush rush...haiz.. time flies,here come my 10th week of semester 2..4 more week to go for exam..hell..i still dreaming and dunno wat i'm doin..deng deng...

and currently,i'm seriously take consider bout the road that i really wan to go..actually i CLEARLY know bout my dream and ambition..but the problem is should i make decision to change now?or wait for 1 more year just decided,it's meant i have to remain the same road that i having now?erm...i think the 2nd road is quite wasting time and not so attractive for me..since i know that's a way for me to go for my dream...erm....so 'fan'..

besides that,i'm also quite confusing bout my feeling on something..i know i should treasure what i having now and stop think wild,but..sometime it's just hard to do so..i found that i start missing someone..erm..who is that person?SECRET of coz..but just can say that the ppl is someone close but also far away from me..that's some distance between us,but dunno why..i started missing that ppl...

i ask myself,am i that desperate or bitchy?no no..i dun think so..really not..i'm not interest with other ppl...most of my time in a day was alone..i go sch alone,back alone,stay home alone..even holiday and weekend i still have to be alone..something i still feel lonely even got someone beside me...wat's the problem between us?erm..we look so peace,he also treat me very good..but why i still feel so lonely when we are so close to each other?even he is just beside me?
and since when,i find my way out..i like the feeling to chat with the ppl..he listen to everything i wan to say,talk to me,and also told me wat he wan to say..even he is so far away from me,we r not in the same location and maybe not so close to each other..but i feel that he can understand me more than the ppl beside me...i can told him everything,and i know he is always be there when i need him..even though we can just communication with mail,with msn..

i'm sick with repeating the same life everyday...everything keep on repeating and i just feel helpless to stop anything and change anything..i suspect on myself,why am i so stupid?i'm doin something which is totally not i really wan to do now,and maybe remain the same life just because i afraid of changing?i'm not god,i might be making mistake,i might do the wrong decision,and till the end i got nothing,i'm afraid to lose everything,i'm afraid that i'm hurting someone at the same time i'm hurting myself...
and now i can get a better offer to reach my dream,should i go?i found that someone else who might be more suitable for me,should i go?

Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!Tired!!
i'm so tired,helpless,sick,confused,lonely....
I need a sight to tell me wat to do or wat should i do..
i need someone beside me,but i just found nobody there..
i'm alone..

X'mas Tree

Yeah yeah..here to update my blog..but wat should i write?ehh....temporary no idea...but nvm lah..everytime i also feel tat dunno wat to write..but till the end..blah blah blah end up with so many nonsence and bullshit wat i always called 'rojak'...haiz...(but 'rojak' is also one of malaysia culture..we make lot of efford to mix it in our language,food,culture and etc...in Malaysia,we have 'rojak' everywhere...deng deng..)

now is 8:53pm,but i havnt have my dinner yet,i'm HUNGRY like hell...but i still have to wait...i hate this kind of feeling,seem like i cannot done a simple thing independently..but who to blame?i have no own car and transport,and my house area nth to eat,and somesay it's dangerous for a girl to walk alone at Wangsa Maju here at night..i hate the life like tis,i wan to be independence,i wan to be alone,i dun wan relay on anyone,wait someone to save me,the feeling is sux..i'm not those weak woman,i'm not princess..i dun wan knight,i dun need them...

let's talk bout something happy to forgot my hungry..erm...

oh ya,it's so fast come the december..wat did december meant to me..well,it's meant tat x'mas is coming and i can putting up my x'mas tree...hahaha....yaya..i'm putting it up since last 2 week..will it be to early?nah nah..nvm lah...
well well...i do love x'mas much much much...erm..can say is my favourite festival among the whole years..(no,i dun like CNY,although can get 'extra income'..but i still dun like it..due to some 'family problem'..)..since young,i think is start from my kindergarden time,i was send to a chatolic school..and i still remember every x'mas we have to go back to school,although it was in school holiday..we all gathering in church,sing x'mas song together and will got santa claus to give us some small present~~a pack of sweet and chocolate...sound funny,but it meant a lot to me...a festival for giving love and warm,sharing and caring...

maybe it's just my own view..but anyway,Happy X'mas to all of my dearest friend!!May all the best will always stay beside u....