(:

thanks ppl for your concern, im really fine now (:

days have been great and everything's stable, except for the fact that im too tired in the past that i no longer feel like doing my best for exam now. but well, face it, it's exams, how can i slack? keep going jiahui! it's only a mere month. then you shall be off to china to enjoy whatever you wanna enjoy lah.

and to all who feel stressed or something,
KEEP GOING ON!
talk to me if you really need someone to talk to! (:
im on for 24-7.

i've always wished that somebody would convey what i wanna say to you.
and im so glad that my prayers were answered.
now you've got the message, please dun disappoint her again.
brace yourself!

in the rain

packing up my stuffs in the middle of the night,
clearing things up,
hoping that it would have the same effect on my head.
and it did (:

oh well.
i wondered,
was i crying or was it the rain?
the more i run,
the more it rained.
came to terms with myself again.

i cant even face myself,
i just had to run, i cant stop.
im such a stupid escapist.

i thought,
i wasnt a give up-er.
on a second thought,
hadnt i been doing that all the time?
what a hypocrite i was.

living in denial all this while.
ms seow said:
at least you realised your mistake
but i say:
so what? im sucha loser.

to everybody,
im a strong-and-independent-and-able-to-take-on-everything-that-comes-in-her-path girl.
it's too long for a sentence,
just like it's too much for me.

im not a robot.
im a human.
i need to rest,
if not i'll stop working for nuts.
im a human,
i have feelings.
i feel for every single thing i see,
i do need consolation.

its not desperate,
its just,
awaking from my denial.
breaking down the walls that i've built around myself.

i should smile,
i wasnt given a mouth for nth.
even better,
i should say hello.
sorry to some whom i've been so cold to.

i should listen,
i wasnt given a pair of ears for nth.
even better,
i should reply.
sorry to those whom i neglected.

i should love.
i wasnt given a heart for nth.
even better,
i should be kind to everything on earth.
sorry to those whom i said "i cant stand you"

i should see.
i wasnt given a pair of eyes for nth.
even better,
i should see the good rather than the bad.
sorry to those whom i only saw the bad.

i should breathe.
i wasnt given a nose for nth.
even better,
i should relax and take my breath.
sorry to myself(?) for not allowing myself to breathe and enjoy life.

imspirational as many have said i was,
i shall try to influence myself too.
because,
i've really lost all my aspirations, inspirations,
and even the meaning of life.

and the world doesnt owe me anything.

i hope you'll smile too, i really wanna drop a "takecare!" or inspire you with my "inspirations"
but im just too chicken to tell you.
hope all will be well again for you....

support

where has the support gone to?
do you even understand what im trying to say?
i tried to communicate, and you dun wanna listen.
so forget it.
i shall leave everything to myself.

like i said,
im fighting alone on this battlefield.

i did things that you want me to,
but have you ever cared about what i like?
do you even know?

and yes, im the youngest.
and why,
WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU ASK ME TO GO PERSUADE MY ELDER SIBLINGS?

it's not like i dun want it, i even wished i was the eldest,
so that i could take things in place.
but sorry,
im the youngest.

you've never tried asking us,
or talk to us,
not to even mention,
support us.

and somehow to find out things about us,
you have to go to the extent of PI,
you're damn sad.
you're really sad.

sometimes i wonder,
is it really worth it?

when i faced problems,
i turn to you.
and you said im complaining.
so be it,
im never gonna turn to you,
nor anyone else.

i've learnt my lesson,
i stand alone.

have you ever had the feeling of loneliness although you're in a crowded place?

what the future holds

what does the future hold for me?
i asked.

i decided for my future.
my future lies in my hands.
i answered.

but,
the uncertainty lies within my mind,
i think.

wash it off,
i said.

here it comes,
i screamed.
---------------------------
the thoughts of leaving,
excites me,
and kills me.
these values,
what do i do with them?

:)

everyone's got their own life to live.
everything's settled down.
everyone's simply giving their all for this one last shot.

SIMPLICITY

if only i was selfish and didnt care

happy birthday to dad!

hey dad.
happy birthday.
i wish you health,
i wish you luck,
i wish you the best,
of all things in the world.

i hope you like the car (:
and the cake (:
and the red ribbon (:
and definitely the yellow BIG card

i love you dad!
though i've never told you so
i hope you'll feel my love somehow though
---------------------------
as i was making the big yellow card for daddy, i dunno why, tears just rolled down my eyes.
i wonder what's gonna happened in a few years time,
how is this family gonna become.
i can tell that my dad is not really happy with the family, and im sorry dad, i didnt make them change.
---------------------------
dear brother,
can we talk?
dear brother,
can we confide?
dear brother,
can we share?
dear brother,
WHERE ARE YOU?

things to do

`chemistry test 4 july 2007
`CHAOS presentation to be ready by 6 july 2007
`Portfolio 4 july 2007
`AEP SA2 assignment 31 August 2007
`BSP proposal 6 july 2007
`MOCK UN SHIT

monday: BSP
tuesday: lessons till 3.15pm
wednesday: lessons till 4.45pm
thursday: AEP till 5.15pm
friday: golf
saturday: MUG
sunday: MUG

quote mr hong
"your results is not very FAN-TAS-TIC leh. you like that how?"

YEAH, HOW?
---------------------------
it's no longer about emotions,
it's about,
determination and perseverance!

why?

happiness.

who doesnt want it?
i admit, i do yearn for it.

i think too much,
i know too much,
thus causing this emotional state that i've been in for sucha long time.

now,
i dun think that much,
i look at things as it is,
i tried not to probe and see things too clearly,
but why,
why is happiness still so faraway?

i appreciate everything in the world.
my family, friends and everything.
im so glad that i belonged to this world.
but why?
why cant i get happiness?

i know im fortunate, im lucky,
but i dun count my blessings.
im trying to,
but why is it that, i just simply dun count?

there's just so much things on my mind,
and i dun even know where to start.
sometimes, i really need a shoulder,
however, when i have that shoulder,
i just dun want these nonsense to dampen the mood.

i cant bring myself to do anything.
i dun even know who i am anymore.
who understands?
who cares?

i tired,
of hiding behind this mask.

a mask that shows laughters, happiness, strong, independent and blah blah blah.

i need to stand up again,
and again,
and again, and
IT GOES ON.

great