trust

im never gonna let you step on me again
im never gonna let you climb over my head
and never gonna be soft hearted and give in to you
not anymore. never again.
YOU DUN DESERVE MY TRUST

not feeling well

well. not feeling well today. perhaps im dreaming too much or thinking to much. well. doesnt really matter. went to the dentist. was so happy. until she drill a hole in my teeth and say my teeth decaying... then she nv fill my teeth properly.. haiz. so darn painful.. wad if it gets infected? then my teeth how? the most precious things to me on me is my arms and teeth and face maybe. LOL. i dun wanna jian bu de ren..

cos of dentist. skipped maths quiz. recess took maths quiz. then went to eat one pathetic bao and i go for orchid farm. not bad but im tired..and hungry..then i meet up with mabel to eat. oh man. now tummy so painful. ate so much. hai. kinda wanna faint le..i sound so emo.. lol..
_____________________________________________________________________________________

shanmin:
hey dear. thanks for the post. yeah. you listened to my sufferings but i dun think sufferings is a very good word le. cos i kan de kai le. :) maybe my situation? haha. glad that you learnt something from the philosophical NJH! da great njh rocks eh? really miss chilling out with you guys. hahas. we're the currently left on shelf peeps but, we will be by each other right? and seriously, dun see anything great about love. hahas. XD
_____________________________________________________________________________________

a walk to remember..

fishies

i had six goldfish
2 were orangy white
2 were orange
2 were black
they were all in pairs
happily living together..

then i was so busy...
i couldnt get a chance to see them at all
suddenly,
three of them died.
the 2 orangy white one and 1 black one died.
i didnt know wad to say.
but i know that my eyes were shining with tears.

today,
i finally had a chance to look at it
after the hectic week
and i saw something
i didnt wanna see at all
the black goldfish died
why did it die?

was it cos of loneliness?
since it's partner died.
was it deeply in loved?
was it hurt when the other fish died?
or did it died cos of sickness?
or maybe i didnt took good care of it
thus it's unhappy and it died.
once again,
as i was looking at the fish tank
something dripped into the water..

i remembered everytime i had noone at home with me,
the six of you were always by my side
looking at me with your BIG BIG SHINY eyes
keeping me company and comforting me

i remembered everytime i was sad and lonely,
the six of you was looking at me with eyes so conforting
now that you're gone,
what am i to do?

i dun think i can sleep tonight
i think i am...

once again-

I welcome you,
Inside my life,
For what you do,
Ohhh, you make me happy,
So very happy,
Once again...
Yeah, c’mon

Here I stand,
So inspired,
To take your hand,
And never take for granted,
What I was granted,
Once again...

CHORUS:

I never thought I could love again,
I never though I’d let somebody else in,
I never thought I could trust and then,
Here I am in love once again...
(Once again)

You touched my heart,
Now I can breathe,
You saved my life,
And still I can’t believe you made it happen,
Made it happen,
Once again...
(I never thought I could love)

CHORUS:

I never thought I could love again,
(nooooo)
I never thought I’d let somebody else in,
(I never believed it)
I never thought I could trust and then,
(Here I am)
Here I am in love once again
Once again...

BRIDGE:

And when I see you baby this is when,
(when)
I want to scream it at the top of my lungs,
“I love you baby”
I know I’ll never have this chance again...

once again-

masked

masked.
ever thought of how is it like to go to sch as though you've put on a mask?
a mask for you to hide your personality, your true self and what you're really comfortable with..
a mask which nobody knows and changes all the time..
im sick and tired of it.
tired of school.
or rather of that mask.
school is not a place im comfortable with cos i cant do anything i enjoy.. noone can do anything they enjoy..especially when they're self consious.. they have to think about wad ppl might think about them and stuffs. and when it spreads around, you're always the last to know..

why should everyone be so mysterious and put on a mask?
is it for show or that's the way you are.
a person's behaviour is different everywhere.. why?
cos when they're at school, they tend to hold back, hold back wad they really are and when they're with their clicks, they dun have to hold back anything at all because ppl in their click wont think of anything negative about them, that's when they feel comfortable.

so why dun evryone just stop having negative thoughts?
that would be utopia.
but can you imagine how great school would be if everyone removed their mask?
where ppl can all live in harmony tgt and enjoy school?

i seriously dun feel great at school at all.
i have to hold back everything.
im like wearing a mask.
noone knows who i really am.
and they seemed to judge from wad they hear.
so me and mask together is bad person.
and i feel unsafe with dangerous ppl around me.
i have to beware and stuffs, cos i've been stabbed so many times.
that maybe when im stabbed again, i might die.
it's so tiring.

but when im with my team, when im with mabel, and even more miraculously, with cindy..i feel so carefree. the mask just disappears and i enjoy my time with them.
being me and the real me.
it's simply fun.
it's not like you're gonna be judge so you do things you really want.
isnt that like so great?!

so ppl out there.
remove your mask.
bring yourself out.
bcause we wanna see you.
and not what we wanna see of you.
then everyone would be happy!
without to worry about those unneccessary stuffs right?
XD

those times

i remember somebody once told me..
im full of questions and you never seem to gimme the answers..

questions and answers..
evrything is so philosophical.
like why am i here?
what am i doing?
is it right or wrong?
should i or should i not?

if we dun ask ourselves all this questions, we will be wasting our life away i guessed..
imagine you smoking and didnt ask if its right to do so..
imagine you pon sch and never ask why you're doing it..
and some philosophy has to be there because some are just right..

but when you're always asking questions, you'll be sick of it right?
it would be a bore.
like let's go swimming!
WHY?
this is a useless question..

so the main point is ask the right question.
have the right question.
and the answers.
and not all questions can be answered.
like love.

imagine you ask someone why you love me?
and the person give you so many reasons.
it means that it's not love anymore.
cos love is an unknown matter.
you can only feel it.
and it's indescribeable.

alright.
im not talking sense.
but somehow, everyone do things for a reason
and if you know every reason,
life would be boring cos there wont be anymore mystery..

today i just found out that wow.
many people hate me.
dun like me.
and everything.
ugh.
and of course i would ask why?

firstly, i didnt say anything.
and im was accused of saying it.
or rather, there's no secondly cos
im always accused wrongly.

for the things i dun say or whatever.
for whatever comments.
for whatever shit.
it just simply sucks.

im not happy.
yes.
im not happy.
im not happy cos i dun get it.
why am i the sad one yet others are all happily enjoying themselves?
why am i the one who is blamed for everything?
why me?

so i decided..
im not gonna care anymore.
whatever shit that the world is giving me.
bring it on.

and yeah.
i should start counting my blessings.
i got
MABEL
BOND 7
FAMILY!!!
and another daddy, which is zhenhui!

thanks so much.
and my daddy loves me..
XD
_____________________________________________________________________________________

questions are just not meant to be answered somehow.
they are there to be figured out, using your heart..

dedicated to you

alright. another day passes.
and it passes and passes.
many things happened. like docking of pay for NOTHING. and many outrageous things la. i think i spelt it wrongly but i dun care.

so im sick.
stomachache.
ache for days.
i want it to heal FAST.
like ZOOOM. you know?
hate it when the stomach is bloated when you know that you didnt eat anything.
and it even hurts.

i went to the doctor.
he says gastric.
but i took the medicine.
and i vomitted.
went to the second doc.
he says food poisoning.
injected me on my butt.
and gave me some medicine.
eat le and hungry.
so ate porridge.
then VOMIT LIKE HELL.
i even cried in bed.
couldnt even slp.
my nerves were all aching.
and my mummy was so nice and started saying..

"is it some cancerous thing?"
"her stomach got hole?"
"what if something is growing in her stomach?"

and my dear dad was like

"no lah!"
"MEI YOU LAH"
"DUN HAVE LAHHHHHH!!!!"

and im crying like some shit there.
i nv cried cos of sickness or injuries before lo.
sad case.
so went to the doc again to take more medicine. =.=

alright.
so i calmed down afterall.
and slept.

oh. i was very lame after visiting the first doctor.
so weak that i took a cab home. and it's like $2.50.
LOL!
but 6 cabs passed before i could get one. lol. i can walk home but im already like dying la. hahas.

so bio physics and chinese is coming up.
i dun care abt chinese since it's syllabus changed.
no need to study de.
but bio need.
physics need.
physics is like SHIT.
i dun understand a single thing and slept through every physics lesson.
im sorry mr hong but im really tired.

today, i went to see the fireworks. its like damn nice. but my tummy still aching so wasnt very enjoyable somehow. i feel like just dying and end all the pain la. but afterall, it's just a stomachache. LOL.

fireworks reminded me of many things.
it kinda represent beautiful life. everyone is like the explosives yeah, which aint pretty nor attractive nor good, but when it starts to gear up and all, it fires and becomes very very very very very pretty and capable and attractive and colourful... then it dies out in the end. but at least, it shined once.

that's the njh theory.
i have many theory.
will reveal them as life goes on.

_____________________________________________________________________________________
yes. life sucks.
it doesnt feel good to let your parents down.
cos im letting my parents down.
no one can understand how you feel.
but i can.
it's like i know i can do MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
i can do alot better.
i can soar high up in the sky.
i have a beautiful life ahead.
but im just pure LAZY.
that im slacking so much.
physics is such an easy subject.
yet i couldnt change my perspective of it.
if i could just set down to it, i know i can score well with flying colours.
or many zooming colours.
but i dint.
im lazy.
parents places high hopes on me.
but i have even higher expectations of myself.
but i just didnt do it.
cos im always thinking about enjoying.
my dear dad is working so hard, because he wants to make enough for my university.
when i know about it, i cried.
they did so much for me.
but all i do was play fun and slack.
spending money like there's no tmrw.
noone understands you?
I DO.

I REALLY DO.
I STILL DOES.

istana

today was the istana art on the spot comp
and well. we flopped lo
we paint like we're rushing against time
totally sucks la
we settled down on the roadside and started picnic-ing
lol!

finally i got some idea and started painting. and i painted the tree finish le then remember abt my dear sky. LOL!
so i painted over my tree and left with 5 mins to do the tree
i totally went bonkers
well
it's like time and we had to hand it in then i picked that wet piece of art up and the wind BLOWS.
plop!
on the floor is my art piece.
pomp!
on the artpiece is wanting's feet.
LOL!
so it's screwed but handed it in anyway.
><

shujun was worst than me.
the whole bottle of water spilled over her artpiece halfway.
awwww

then we went to the istana house
oh my.
SO BIG.
so cool too!
hahas

and we're like we finally know wad's a president for..
to prepare jobs for the people!
hahas.
like cleaners and guards and gardener and everything la.
hahas.

and we watched some performance.
it was like damn funny la.
and the dance was cute!
hahas.

followed by plaza singapura.
shujun went in and like buy this that and everything and realise she dunno wad she wants to do with it. so she put them all back again. hahas.
and we shop around.
i want that nike jacket!
that nike bag!
and that outfitter girl's top!
RARR.
njh's crazy.
hahas.

and she's MAN.
cos currently, all the things she wants, is like men's stuffs.
LOL!

alright.
OBS OR STEP.
hahas.
i made my choice.
STEP.
obs maybe someday i ask my children to take part and tell me how is it bah.
i just treasure friendship more i guessed.

ahh.
children reminds me of alex.
because he's like niao-ing me about some stuffs and i just went..

no la. need love for wad? my time is just purely for studies,trng,golf,swimming and working! i have no time for love because love waste time money and love and energy. LOL.

and he said..

no wonder singapore LOW BIRTH RATE!

EH! i nv say i not gonna give birth right?!
LOL.
and i didnt say im not gonna date right?
it's just not the time la.

to CARBO'SWORSTENEMY
this is not emo i guess.

takecare all!
XD

[our countless memories have long since turned ash-gray]-> makes sense XD

tired day

a very gay post it's gonna be.

sleep in the morning.
sleep during lang arts.
like copying copying copying and drool. OH! whatever.
maths was just chiong chiong chiong.
i just wanna sleep lor.
cant stand it.

in the morning even went to hide somewhere and slept for five minutes before going to class. im like pure pig la.

then had cip.
ran around promoting.
chiong to 4i to sell somemore.
LOL. then sell sell sell. yeah.
4i got ai xin. XD

and promoting to teachers. ms seow ms ngau and mr yeo buy.
many other teachers buy too. feng yao hua kinda pestered by me cindy and leeyinteng.
LOL.
zheng shi bu hao yi si.

then sell sell sell and done! yay!

bye!

in sooth i not know why im so sad.