Here are some photos of how I spent my Saturday night. The Claypans - after 50 odd mm of rain in January. There isn't usually water out there, just pans of clay but the water has hung around since January and it's just stunning. Who would be anywhere else hey???? Jealous??

I can't really figure out how to work this thing......Alas thank you to all who informed me the link wasn't working. If you're reading this, it should be oK now. I changed the link and I think it's done the trick.

So anyway, where was I - the services club in Parkes on a Friday night. Mum, Aunty and I were sitting on a table with a bunch of locals which is how we came to know that the local creative talent was none other than the town bricky who apparently volunteered to MC for the first time about 4 years ago just for the craic and has done it ever since - now for more than just the craic. These days he apparently gets paid a nice tidy little beer fund for his work, which might I add he earns and I think by the look of him probably spends on the job. It was gold. There were Elvis' everywhere, and the atmosphere was just terrific. So much laughter and jocularity it was rather difficult to control myself in the presence of family - y'know how it is right!! SO in order to give myself a little bit of space to roam the green pastures for a few minutes I sauntered over to the bar, got myself a scooner of Draught and propped myself by the bar taking in my heavenly (for an Elvis fan) surroundings. Lots of drunk, lads dressed as Elvis flanked me on every side and I was loving it. SO, imagine my surprise when I got a tap on the shoulder. Turning around I found an Elvis smiling up at me. I smiled back and said hey.He said "hey,hows ya night?" you know as you do, and before I had the chance to reply in full, he said "Look I'm just going to skip ahead a couple of steps here OK? I stood with bated breath, as he said "Imagine, the best sex you've ever had, with an Elvis shorter than you". After choking on my scooner of draught for a few moments, I managed to compose myself, and for the ensuing half an hour or so I listened to him tell me all the reasons why I could not possibly go home without having sex with him.I would regret it for the rest of my life apparently. While I wouldn't go THAT far, I found myself wishing I was not there with my um and aunty. He was hot. Short, but hot, and bloody funny! There was a little bit of intelligent conversaton in there too believe it or not, and he was genuinely shocked when I advised him I would not be having sex with him. I had to keep Rainbow, but my friends call my Rain under wraps. It bloody near killed me, she was gagging to get out and shake her booty with the best of em'in Viva Las Parkes...... wouldn't be surprised if mum was thinking the same thing - for anyone who saw her let loose on that horrid stripper at my 21st.......oh the pain of it all.

Anyway, the fun did not stop there. Saturday morning kicked off with Elvis bingo at another club. All the old dears (and me) down there hoping their numbers would come up to win an Elvis doll and some souvenir Elvis bingo markers. I was tempted to mug the dear who won, but you know again the whole family thing just put a dampener on everything. Bless em'. Must be a good time to see if I can add some photos hey?? Here goes.

waaaayhaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!!! I thought this blog was lost forever, it's been so long since I wrote in it. It was kinda weird to read through all that again from my first weeks and months in the Territory - some of it is bloody funny though, bloody funny actually. I'd forgotten some of those stories.......

Anyway, Now it's 2010 - that's 3 years since my last blog entry, and just like the stories that kicked it off, here comes some more that I felt could not possibly pass the world by without being shared. And it's all about ELVIS! Where do I start? January 7th, 2010 - Melbourne to Parkes. Mum, myself, my aunty and Fergus! Fergus 4runner who might I say has been an absolute legend getting us all the way to Alice without a drop of extra sustenance (water or oil) - mind you I wasn't happy when he pulled the plug on keeping us cool one day when the temp guage outside hit 40deg. Mind you, based on my past expereince with vehicles and fire I guess I should be grateful. So we rolled into Parkes on Janury 7th for the annual Elvis festival when the quaint little town of Parkes turns into a gyrating, rocking town of burning love for a week. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. It was like being constantly tickled for 4 days straight. I can't do the humour of it all justice so you;ll just have to plan a trip to Parkes in January to see for herself - if you like being tickled that is. On Friday night we decided to divest oursleves of thirty bucks for dinner and entertainment at the local services club. Well, talk about laugh. The MC was the local bricky who also wrote and coreographed the entertainment for the night. Talk about funny! It was brilliant. The local BRICKY, featured here in the plaits surrounded by a number of Elvis's.

UGH - I can't figure out how to put the photos where I want em'. Stay tuned for more.....

Not much of the previous jocularity to share in this update but an update nevertheless. I've been working in my 'new' job as Youth Worker for 2 months now. I really love it, the kids are great though challenging and I'm learning heaps about people and how to talk to them. A seemingly simple task, and one that few of us do well. The hours are longer than 'normal' though not as long as they could be, and I'm constantly practising how to unravel previous preconceptions about things like 'bad behaviour', not to mention my predisposition to judging those not like me. It's all good but probably not the knd of job one can do for a long time. Staff turnover is huge and the need far outways our ability to serve that need.

I've started looking around at the property market, not too seriously at the moment but looking with a view to buying some time. Stand by for a possible house warming party in the future....

I went for a really long bike ride to Simpson's Gap yesterday after being witness to that pathetic loss by the Kangaroos against the Pies. I just kept riding, and realised I should turn around when it started to get dark, and cold. Yes it does get cold here. By the time I got home my ar.... bottom felt twice the size it was when I left (which is pretty scary) and I'd ridden 38km's by the time I got home. Not much else to share really. Boring for you guys but I'm having a blast......See ya for now.Al

Have you ever been paralysed with the fear of going to the loo? Not as a result of last nights curry or an impromptu bout of gastro. No! There are other forms of 'dunny fright' brought on by uninvited creatures crawling up from the porcelain depths of the dunny beneath your.......Well, I was unfortunate enough to discover this new phenomenon just a few days ago after a series of, not one. Not two. But THREE such events in a 24 hour period. Well the final two straws that broke the camels back came in 24hours, the first a few days earlier.

I was working out bush in a remote community with some aboriginal women. My place of residence for the duration of this weeks trip was in the local child care centre. A lovely establishment I must say, despite the fact that the AC was on the blink and the lights were out in the loo and the bathroom. So equipped with all I needed to wash the layers of dirt off me, I proceeded to do what one does in the process of taking a shower. In the depths of the deep dark shower without a light, and devoid my seeing apparatus, I proceeded to dry myself when on my left calf I had - or thought I had a slug crawling up my leg, so I flicked him off with my towel and continued to complete the task at hand. A few minutes later with seeing apparatus returned to my face I was to discover that the slug was not a slug, but a centipede. Not just any centipede mind you, this one was one of the kind that reduce a victim to a pile of writhing agony - so I've heard. Grateful for the narrow escape and not wanting to tempt fate, I thanked 'someone' for looking out for me and continued on my way for the rest of the week.

The second brush with death came a few days later when the Todd River closed 3 causeways and people were seen to be rafting along it on inner tubes and lilos, and doing all sorts of crazy things. I was at work when the call of nature tickled my bladder, so off to the loo I went. Tinkle tinkle. Boing Boing. A damn frog was trying to escape the golden shower I'd just given him by crawling up the insides of toilet bowl and then banging his head uummmmmmmmm....... Oh my LOOOOOOOOORD did I just about have a heart attack. OK so it was'nt a brush with death but it could have been had I been 50 years older. I was so upset I haven't sat on the loo at work since.

It doesn't end there, this one is a cracker and the worst of all. Nature was obviously building up to a crescendo with the last encore because this one almost caused me to move out of the flat I moved into the day before. I found this gorgeous, unbelievable little flat about 6 km's out of town with a native yard and my very own hill for a back yard with 360deg views of the surrounding bush. It's stunning, I love it. What I do not love, however, is the loo. The day after I moved in. tinkle tinkle. flush. I was frozen with fear when I spotted what was sticking out from behind the loo when I went to flush it. looooooooooooong, blaaaaaaaaaaaaack, hairy legs. Although I could only see half of it's legs, it was the biggest hairy thing I swear to god - that I've ever seen (apart from Dipper when I saw him at Richmond pool in the steam room) It was massive. I grabbed a chair, and a tin of fly spray and proceeded to empty the latter down the back of the cistern while it just sat there. It did'nt even move. Oh my, I was so terrified and in tears by this stage because I didn't know what to do. I knew it wasn't a huntsmen because this one was black and bigger than any huntsman I've ever seen. I just don't know how to tell you how upset I was. I stood on the chair a few feet away and watched it creep back behind the loo, which terrified me even more because I wanted to see the fecker. Anyway I had to leave. I didn't know what else to do until the call of nature started tickling my bladder again (it's all the water - it's bloody hot here y'know!). There was no way in hell I* was going in that dunny, so I went out. I actually went down the road, into town and went for a twinkle in lovely local establishment. Upon returning I bumped into my landlord who I proceeded to ingratiate with my tale of woe and brush with the devil himself. To which she, yes SHE offered to come and have a look. My prior feelings of fear and terror were replaced with tears of joy in that moment as I followed her up the hill to my flat ( I stopped at the loo). I warned it was the size of a small dog but she didn't seem too concerned, stating that it was probably a "bird spider" which are harmless to mere mortals such as us. Anyway, she didn't find him, offering that he'd probably crawled off to die somewhere. Needless to say I am so scared of going to the toilet these days that by the time I've looked behind the loo, in it, under it, over it, through it, down it and around it, my pelvic floor muscles have gotten a complete workout. I'm a nervous wreck on all matters dunny these days.......

On a lighter note, I have a new job as a Youth Worker which I start this Wednesday. I'm really excited though I know it will be tough, but a challenge nevertheless. I've got a new address, which is PO Box 4190, Alice Springs NT 0871. Come visit sometime.

I'll leave you with a snippet from last weeks Advocate, on my beloved Kintore.....

Comet Confusion

"Kintore police were up all night with people calling them worried about aliens, plane crashes and spirits coming to get them because of the big ball of light in the sky. They had to call the Civil Aviation Authority in the middle of the night to calm residents calls about the Mcnaught comet".

Bless em' Ta Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Al

I have just suffered the greatest humiliation since, in 1985 at Charnwood High in Canberra I was made to stand up in front of the entire school assembly (and Adam Weir) for talking. I remember never having been so embarrassed in my life; until now.

Picture this........
It's 40C and has been since before midday. These parts are known for very scary creatures in the heat of summer so I wasn't all that surprised when I spotted a snake in the front yard just outside the front door. I stood there watching him for a few minutes before I decided to call Justin the snake man. "I'll be there in 5 minutes" says Justin . "Don't take your eyes off him, if he moves away I need you to tell me where he went.".......I tell Justin that when he pulls up the driveway he won't see me because I'm a prisoner, trapped inside the front door, so he'll have to come in the side gate and walk slowly up to the door where the snake is sitting. I stood at the front door eyes plastered on the sanake until true to his word, Justin arrived a few minutes later.

He gets out his snake catcher and a white cloth bag and he makes toward the side gate. I can see him just as he comes around the corner and I say "He hasn't moved". Justin replies......., "That's because he's rubber mate". I say "Oh bullshit, you're kidding" . "nah mate he's rubber alright" says Justin as he picks up 'Mr. Rubber' and hurls him a few feet away. Oh god, "I'm sorry I say. I'm house sitting, I'll kill those mongrels when they get back. I'm so sorry for wasting your time". He turns back toward his car not 30 seconds after he pulled up and says, "you were my 4th call out today. First rubber one but, don't worry about it mate", as he pulls off down the driveway...........oh the shame of it all, in retrospect maybe it wasn't quite as embarrassing as that school assembly.......

If you're ever looking for a change in direction, a new career with a challenge and on the job skills to gather, Alice Springs is the place to be. I reckon I've been offered about 6 or 7 jobs now, and finally one that has a 'feels right' factor despite only being short term until the end of January. I start in just over a week here in town for a week setting myself up for 4 weeks out bush in a community on the edge of the Pitjantjara lands about 45okm's south of Alice. I'll be waking up under a big red rock every morning for 4 weeks and the pub is a bit closer than 530km's away........I've been given the task of mentoring 5 anangu child care staff (don't laugh) and coordinating their school holiday programs for the kids. After xmas in Melbourne I'm back there for 3 weeks before the funding runs out. Then who knows?? I have a pretty good idea what might happen after that but just waiting waiting waiting. We're good at that over here in the Territory. Lots of waiting.......

Now where was I? Oh yes - Rain and Ketisha stayed one night in Lochiel, then headed off toward Coober Pedie. What a weird arse place that is!! Kinda groovy in a what the? kinda way. Driving into Coober Pedie was surreal. It's how I imagine the moon to look like but apparently it's more like Mars. It's a complete sandscape with small buildings and houses (mostly made of sand) dotting the landscape. Many houses are partially or completely beneath the surface of the earth and large piles of sand pop up on the outskirts of town and beyond for as far as the eye can see. There are signs all over the place warning people not to walk backwards lest they fall down a mine shaft and every second shop is an opal shop, lest the mine shafts all over the place. I wasn't sure at first if I liked it, but it has a distinctly european feel about it strangely enough. I read there are 98 different nationalities in CP. It's small, dusty and hot. Definitely not pretty but worth a visit. We ventured about 30km's out, on our way north to an expanse of land called 'The Breakaways'. WOW, it was so awesome. We sat on the top of a cliff I guess you could call it and looked out over hundreds of km's of desert in more colours than you can possibly imagine. Have you ever seen those little bottles of different coloured sand you can buy in tourist shops around the country?? Well that's what it looked like but it was a kick arse bottle. We drove 250km's north of CP and stopped in Marla. Marla is nothing more than a roadside stop with a hotel and a pub which is all one needs really!! We left the girls at home and took A & J out for counter meal. I'm pleased to report the parma in Marla is pretty rockin'. The next day we arrived in Alice, checked into the Desert Palms and sat by the pool under the palm trees for 2 days until J left to fly back to Melbourne. Since then I've been staying with a friend and doing temp work. I've been offered about 4 jobs but nothing quite right just yet. I've moved out of my friends place and into a share house once, only to move out 10 minutes later and I've almost moved out a second time until I remembered I didn't have a real job so probably should sloooooooooow down and get a job before I start to pay rent. I've almost joined the labour party. Don't laugh!!!! I got dragged to a meeting last week which I have to tell you was 99% BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING, but the last 10 minutes were interesting. It was revealed that Claire Martin - the Chief Minister for the territory has passed a bill to restructure the governance in remote indigenous communities. Governance will be removed from individual communities and shires will be created where several communitites fall under the umbrella of one shire. I'm a little sceptical as I can see ATSIC problems arising again but I think it's great that the thought processes are in motion and change is afoot. The situation in remote aboriginal communities is catastrophic in my opinion, with far too many ill meaning people given jobs out bush only to squander every penny and piece of capital equipment for their own personal gain. Just 2 weeks ago I met the town clerk from a small community in the Western Desert who was appointed 3 months ago and has just recently left. Previous town clerks had sold every piece of equipment in the community - backhoes, vehicles, computers, graders and the like - pocketed the money and took off. They left this community with no money in the bank and no equipment to function effectively. As a result, the govt. have ceased supplying the community with funding and so the circle continues. There are those who believe this is reasonable given the recent history but what they forget is that it wasn't the communities fault, yet it is they who suffer. The govt. are largely responsible for what took place because financial reports, KPI's and acquittals had'nt been submiited to the funding bodies of govt. for years yet no one at govt. level asked the question why. No one followed it up. No one looked out for this community and as a result they are now in dire circumstances. This type of thing happens all over the territory, predominantly in the centre. God, it's so tragic. Anyway back to the ALP. It was really good to hear this information from the coal face, something that, had I not been to that meeting I'd know nothing about. It was an interesting exercise......

It's been awhile between blogs as they say. Not for any reason other than having returned to the life of a nomad, computers are less accessible and reliable. I walked into an internet Cafe on Todd Mall in Alice Springs about an hour ago to use the remaining 8 minutes on my $5 hour to check if my dream job, man or house had sent me an email but by some massive stroke of luck the computer I sat down to didn't require me to log on in order to use my 8 minutes so I've been surfing for fresh air since I sat down. Gotta love the universe. Either that or some other poor bastard who forgot to log off. oh well, cheers whoever you are. I think it is the universe though because I got a "you have one minute left" message at which time I got a 'log out and log back in' message coming from somewhere over my head. So log out and in I did and I'm still going. That was about half an hour ago so here I am to offer an update to the latest shenanigans (or not) in the life of...well me.

While it feels like an eternity I have only been back in Alice for just over a week. VeroniCAR, Jacqui and I left Melbourne a week before the week before we got here. While there were those who doubted VeroniCARs ability to deliver the goods to our final destination, she has never been better. I never doubted her, and I think she knows that because she's never let me down. Not even when the headlights failed...She just needed a wee rest. Thanks to Dave E and a bit of bush mechanics, she once again shines bright when the sun doesn't. And when her voice failed, I just pulled out the guts, played with the wiring of the CD player and alas once again she sings, and sing she did all the way to Alice. Mind you she's lost her voice again, I think the heat might have melted her vocal chords.......She doesn't beep, the horns stuffed but apart from all that she's like brand new. .......SO anyway moving right along. The 3 of us left Melbourne one day. I think it was the Tuesday after that cracker jack grandfinal. We really had no plans except that we figured if we started driving and turned right at Adelaide we should end up in the vicinity of Alice Springs. We stopped in Warnambool to have lunch that we didn't have with Wendy which was great. Then we drove along to Nelson where we spent the first night in a pub room. I had one of the worst Parma's I've ever had, in fact it turned me off Parma.
For 2 days. Don't order Parma at the Nelson Hotel. ....We stopped there one night , then drove onto Beachport which is only about 1 or 2 hours down the road. I say one or two because I think we got confused and took some country back road because (and Jack will never admit this) she stuffed up the map reading job and tried to send us around the coast road. There is no bloody coast road from Nelson to Beachport and it's pretty obvious on the map it doesn't go around the coast. Anyway who cared we didn't. It wasn't a bad drive. I could be a bit confused about the order of events but I think we checked out Mt Gambier somewhere on the way to Beachport (Or was that from Robe). Anyway wherever it fits we did check out Mt Gambier. Nice place that. We stopped one night in Beachport, then drove to Robe where we stayed 2 nights in a room at the Robe Hotel. We had a fantastic balcony, which had it not been so freezing I personally would have stayed there for 2 whole days and nights - the view was awesome. But alas it was freezing so on the first night we ventured downstairs into the pub mid afternoon. It was at this time that "Rainbow, but my friends call me Rain" was born. We were playing pool during which time Jacqui almost wet her pants coz it was the first game she'd ever won - that we met 4 or 5 blokes who'd been in the pub all day and were at this time somewhat inebriated. They were in town because they worked for a logging company who'd put down tools for the day due to the total fire ban. I know I said it was freezing and it was the total fire ban day was the one we spent in the car getting there......So they thought what the hell let's go to the pub.....They were a OK but the type you wouldn't trust with your grandfathers rifle, so we employed the use of alias' . Myself starring as "Rainbow but my friends call me Rain' and Ketisha who has been around for years though it was the first time I'd met her. Anyway we had fun with the girls and managed to give the loggers the slip eventually. After 2 nights in freezing Robe we headed to Adelaide. By this time I was getting a bit irritable with poor ole' Jack because her snoring was keeping me awake at all hours. I tried sleeping with a pillow over my head, I tried pretending it was ocean waves crashing to the shore, I even tried pretending to snore louder and I had tried A meditation CD through my CD walkman(yes I still have a CD walkman IPOD SHMIPOD......) but I could still hear snoring through it. I have since vowed NEVER to underestimate the value of a good nights sleep and for those of you who live with a snoring spouses I appluade you. .....Oh and Bradmill. Who can forget Bradmill - jacqui's previous employer for supplying all her freinds with free earplugs for years. Oh how the old cliche 'you never know what you've got until it's gone' comes flying back. Is there anyone out there who still works at Bradmill???? OK the earplugs are only 30c a pair but that's not the point. So anyway I was a bit irritable. We drove through Adelaide and stopped at a place started with L. Through Adelaide about half an hour past Snowtown. Again in a pub room.....I took Rain out again, but not because I needed her just because it was fun and we all want to be someone else from time to time right?? That is right isn't it, oh my god don't tell me it's just me?? I should have known when I introduced myself as Rain to the nice couple at the bar, that it would come back to bite me in the arse. I felt like I was being tickled in a library. Like I was trying sooooo hard not to laugh, while I knew Jacqui was thinking'she's gonna break she's gonna break'. Then the male of the couple said about ooooh 5 minutes later; "So- have you got hippy parents or did you make that name up". Well that was it. I paused but I felt like he could see my intestines and that massive LIE that was sitting in my head. So I said "OK I made it up but I kinda like it".
Gotta run, so stay tuned........ Rainbow but my friends call me Rain.....XXX