meh meh eats grass

the few years in this job seem to have turned me into a meek little dumb lamb whose thought-processing skills and ability to give a quick-witted retort have been greatly retarded and who is now numb to many of people's ridiculous and downright silly comments.

it irks me to no end that it takes me a while to come up with the perfect comeback and by then, the moment is gone (though transforming into a "humble", innocent, sweetie pie *gag* has, admittedly, saved me from getting into a lot of trouble).

i need to sharpen my teeth before i am devoured by the big bad wolves!

somewhere between is and was and always will be


i haven't gone for a run since.

loss

such a tiny word that seems incapable of encapsulating all the emotions that come with it. but perhaps, it is word enough.

the tears will never cease completely, fond memories live on. it still seems surreal, still feels like my dad is just away on one of his frequent trips overseas. until reality sinks in. then again, perhaps that's just it - he's gone off early for a super long holiday, recce-ing the place while waiting for us to join him.

2009 ended with much grief. through the dark moments though, rays of sunshine do appear. in trying to come to terms with the fagility of life, the finality of death, the importance of having a close family and the support of friends become all the clearer. it would have been a lot tougher, and lonelier, without them. shared sorrow isn't necessarily halved sorrow, but the hugs, the calls, the kind words, they do help and i am eternally grateful to all who took it upon themselves to walk with us in this difficult time.

i ushered in 2010 first on the plane (singapore time), then in the little bar in bandos resort, male, in front of the big countdown screen, with noisy holiday-makers and a bunch of (thankfully) easy-going colleagues that included qian's will (a familiar face is especially nice to have on such flights), and chauchau on the phone, straining to hear me through all that din, counting down the seconds with me. i also woke up in time to count down with london, then new york, via cnn.

the first day of the new year was spent by the pool before and after the company-provided lunch, soaking in some sun, writing a postcard, cooling off with a coffee milk shake. not a bad way to start the year with, i suppose.

it was particularly nice to come home to mum and breakfast with chau, and later, upon checking my email, this:



♥

kissing our moustache man goodbye

in fawn's words, "the next time I want to see him I will just have to close my eyes".

deedee, we love you.

a year on...


missing you all the more.

fact



lol

announcement

i would just like to say that magnolia bakery's meringue devil's food cupcake is THE BEST CUPCAKE IN THE WORLD. (till i try the mocha devil's food cupcake, that is. that's supposed to be even better!)

i'm not even usually a cupcake fan. yum!


is it just me or is my chatterbox not working?

a bird shat on me.

in new york for six days during fashion week - a last minute standbycallup that was totally unexpected and disrupted my meticulously planned schedule that i took heaps of time and four change of flight requests to achieve. rah.

but it is new york, so i really shouldn't complain.

and a few hours after i get back to singapore, LONDON, HERE I COME! chauchau is en route there as we speak! i'll join him once i touch down on evening of the 21st, then we're off to paris for 3days2nights from the 22nd, and back to london till the 29th.

i am excited, can you tell? =D


a bird really shat on me. while i was walking to my favourite nyc sushi omakase restaurant yesterday arvo. daddy and chau reckon it's good luck. gross.

evolution

out of the dusk a shadow,
then, a spark;
out of the cloud a silence,
then, a lark;
out of the heart a rapture,
then, a pain;
out of the dead, cold ashes,
life again.

john banister tabb

waking up early is bad for health

i reckon i've been cursed. by some evil evil person who doesn't want me to sleep past 7.30am, no matter how late i go to bed. i've been waking up at that ungodly hour every single day for the past week (even when i was overseas). in singapore, it allowed me to catch the early bird, tail end of house, followed by csi:ny and globe trekker, and read the papers when it's available. in brisbane, i had long hours of the simpsons to keep me company. i don't think i've watched this much telly in years.

plus, i'd have had my fifth breakfast by 10am.

i have bags under my eyes that scream, "carry me!" rah.

going downhill

these few days have been quite a stretch and it doesn't look like things will be getting any better. a bad flight with an asshole, the release of a terrible roster and me, in hermit mode.

when loneliness washes over, self-worth plummets to a new low and the tears don't seem to want to let up, i wish......

this moment

a nearly sleepless night and an early morning jog without the piggy sister; the sun rising as i panted along, breathing in poo-smelling air. the body moved on auto-pilot while the mind lost itself to this beautiful nic chagall track:

i've been running on, running on empty
for way too many miles now.
i've been flying with broken wings
and now i'm falling faster to the ground.

and it's a bitter end to a story so sweet
like a long lost friend
that's never found a way back to me.
and i can't deny these memories
got me all locked up inside
and you hold the key.

all that i need is this moment
to send me away with a smile on my face.
i tried to leave but i turned back
on my heart remains a trace.

all that i seek is this moment
all day in my mind i recreate
if there was a way to get back
this feeling i'd chase...i'd chase.

all that i need
is this moment.

sunshiny days

chapter 1

the long and short of it all


it took quite a bit of persuasion
and a near panic attack on my part
but in the end, evande prevailed
and i became dora the explorer:

or so jenn claims. i don't think we look alike. AT ALL.

gadget whore

my recent acquisition of a new ipod nano, the nike+ ipod kit, and armband AND underwater casing for my nano has prompted an increase (hopefully not short-lived) in sporting activity. been running much more often and for longer and while my weight doesn't seem to have fallen, i do feel a tad healthier.

reading murakami's what i talk about when i talk about running has also given me inspiration and the added, much-needed push to get out of whichever comfy bed i happen to be snuggling in to go for a run.

i do need to swim more to further test out the underwater casing though. my first use of it went well initially, only to have my nano die on me after four songs because it ran out of battery. *cue three-dimensional "L"*

speaking of murakami, and lifting off an idea from jenn's blog, this is what i thought about when i was running earlier in the hotel's gym here in manchester:

why is the gym so cold?
i need to pee.
why is this screen so fuzzy?
i need to pee. badly.
cnn is repetitive and boring.
bbc is too.
peeeeeeeeeee.
this towel smells bad.
why are the other channels even fuzzier?
oh look, there're people walking by.
people are boring.
it's raining.
my reflection is boring.
uh no, knees starting to hurt.
it's not raining anymore.
yum, water.
peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
help. legs. dying.
it's raining again.
is it bloody 10km yet?!

and so on. now, all i can think of is a good, hard massage.

dreamstate


an hour's sleep after an overnight flight.
lunch that made time fly by.
post-swim, awaiting dinner.
lying on my bed and gazing out the window.
the evening sky looks like one big bubblegum paddle pop.

hocus pocus

i recently spoke to, on separate occasions, people with deeper-than-normal knowledge of and belief in horoscopes, some of whom take it upon themselves to find out what a person's zodiac sign is before deciding whether to pursue a relationship.

i've always thought horoscope readings were bullshit that people like professor tralawney come up with when they get bored looking into their crystal globes.

i do agree that i possess many of the scorpio characteristics though. and it is entertaining clicking through some of those websites, for a while anyway. apparently, my best bet for a best friend is a virgo or a capricorn but i have very few friends who fall into that category and my two bffs are aquarius and leo. romance-wise, seems like i should be looking for a capricorn, cancer or taurus.

erm. right.

why did you have to go?


at times like this, i miss you all the more.
you would have understood.

nobody deserves to be treated this way


you're not my favourite person in the world
but that was a low, low blow they dealt you tonight
and i'm sorry you had to go through all that.

i have smart and witty friends


me: "loony, are you heading out tonight?"
loon: NOT IF YOU ARE!
me: "i h8 you"
loon: as long as you don't h1n1 me!

-----
alvin: i thought of you when i heard the news
but then i saw "22-year-old".
you where got so old?!

rofl.

all fall down

singapore just reported our first confirmed case of h1n1 and the lady came back from new york just one day after me! i'd be in aloha by now if she'd taken my flight instead!

the big apple was as lovely as ever. a tad chilly when i first got there but it got progressively warmer and we all turned a little red in the face. managed to meet up with all my lovely new yorkers at least once and my 3day2night trip to the niagara falls was quite a success in that we made it there, over to canada, and back without much mishap. however, as we took up one of those "cheap" chinatown bus tours, our coach consisted of 50% indians, 40% china-ese, and the other 10% were made up of random singaporeans, malaysians, and the odd ang moh. our first guide didn't seem to know much of what was happening, couldn't speak english NOR mandarin properly, filled her sentences with a million "maybe", "actuarry", and "sometimes", and was quite disorganized. but well, an arduous 12-hour bus ride, a packet of curly fries, 2 lousy burgers and minimum sleep later, we arrived and made it in time for the twilight set at the falls so i guess it wasn't all too bad.

stopped over at the corning museum of glass first where we were treated to all sorts of glassware and a live demonstration of how glass is made:


finally, just before 9pm, we reached the horseshoe falls:


the next day dawned bright and early (arhaha like some primary school compo) and we made our way back to see the falls in its daytime glory, caught an imax movie about stupid/courageous/suay people who fell down/travelled along the treacherous waters, and got on the maid of the mist tour that brought us up close and personal with the niagara (and got away drenched but still alive to tell the tale).



desmond had to hold my raincoat down when we were on the boat coz the wind was whipping it all over the shop and, even with his help, most of what i saw when we were near the falls was in a pretty shade of blue. "where's the hole? where's the hole for your face?!"

the guide left the five of us to return to new york with the rest of the group (coz they only signed up for the 2day1night tour) so the rest of the day was spent free and easy so we ventured across the rainbow bridge and WALKED to canada! good thing we did too coz the view was so much nicer from there and the ontario side of the falls was so much more beautiful and civilized (omg cafes! less indians! less chinese!).






a lot of walking, plenty of sunshine, millions of photo-stops, one super cute squirrel, a plate of buffalo wings, and 5 pairs of tired legs later, we'd walked the long stretch alongside the waters from the rainbow bridge to the horseshoe falls and went for a journey behind the falls:


thereafter, we went on another long and tiring walk back to the new york side of things, collapsed on our beds when we finally got to the hotel and didn't get up until 5hours later at 10pm when the boys and i decided to venture out into the dead town that is nighttime niagara falls, new york. found that the seneca casino was the only place open, lit, and with people so we spent the night there watching anthony play cards, and having a late supper.

the next day, our second tour guide came to collect us and, after confirming the pick-up time and place for our ride back to new york, we took the other 2 girls to the casino and whiled away the morning in air-conditioned comfort.

the journey back belonged to a whole new nightmare where a group of 20 indians gave themselves a really bad name and annoyed the hell out of everyone else by always coming late, eating and drinking and moving around the bus the whole time, asking to use the toilet even though the guide already said the toilet cannot be used, refusing to pay the suggested service tip coz they claimed the guide was incompetent and racist, kicked up a huge fit to try to prove their point and ended up just making a fool of themselves (though, of course, they didn't think so and were rather pleased with their behaviour). i don't want to be racist but SERIOUSLY, they don't make themselves very lovable! rah.

anyway, after a lot of head nodding, being bumped about our seats and a stop at a winery along finger lake, we finally reached good old new york, had a "yummy noodles" supper, caught up on some sleep, and spent the next 2 days gaigai-ing (love love my 5th ave and soho), eating (oh my darlings sushi of gari, del frisco's, pinkberry and ruby's) and having not enough time to do more!

back in singapore, my brit boys are in town this week so tonight would be seafood paradise + klee + (maybe)mambo and we're wakeboarding tomorrow before i leave for perth on friday. woohoo!

there's something wicked happening outside


it's 5am and i just got woken up by a most magnificent storm.
the sky is taking serious photos of the earth,
accompanied by the low rumble of a fat man,
at times punctuated by the crack of a whip;
the winds seem intent on kicking up a ruckus,
raindrops are battling my window panes.
looking down from my 12-storey matchbox,
i fear for the toy cars passing below.

it's a beautiful world.