Epilepsy Awareness Carter's Journey

I'm not a writer. I don't edit my posts. Still, this story needed to be written. One day I will expand the words and include more stories, but for now... this is the end. I can't remember the exact date, but I can remember everything about the events of that life altering day. I was so obsessed with my weight. I would go to the gym daily. Carter and Chase would play in the child care. They loved the bright colors, the movies playing, and a wide variety of imaginative toys. They also loved the attention they got from the staff. Chase was so tiny and cute, while Carter was my little linebacker. I had just put Chase down and Carter was hanging on my leg as I signed them in. I was in a hurry, my class would be starting soon. If you didn't get in there early you wouldn't get a good spot. Carter didn't want to stay. I knelt down to give my little buddy and quick hug and a kiss. That is when I noticed his face twitching. Then the saliva began to flow. "Carter, are you okay?" He was standing there, eyes glossed over, drool flowing from his mouth like a waterfall, trying to speak. I was a little shocked. He was standing and trying to communicate, but clearly there was something wrong. What was this weird behavior? Then as quickly as it began it stopped. His eyes were clear, and he didn't even act as if anything had happened. The only lasting effect, a headache. My first reaction, I called his dad, he was in Chiropractic school, close enough to a Doctor. He was also the only person who loves the little boy as much as me. He didn't answer. What was wrong with him. I scooped Carter into my arms, my firstborn, my love, and my life. Then the word came to me, seizure...stroke...no, seizure. I wasn't positive because his entire body wasn't shaking. Then the phone rang. It was DAD! "I think Carter just had a seizure, he face was twitching and he was drooling, and he wasn't in control of his body," I said, "and then it was all over, I'm taking him to urgent care." I can't remember what the urgent care doctor said. I can't remember how long it was before Carter would be tested or when we saw the neurologist. I do however remember how that first seizure changed our lives forever. Carter is lucky! His first seizure occured when he was 3. His second when he was 4. His third when he was 4. Then when he turned five he had a few more in that year. Still we didn't medicate him. The side effects of the seizures didn't outweigh the side effects of the medications. His neurologist told me to track his seizures, but unless they were much more frequent and longer that I dind't need to bring him in every time. I took the advise, kind of. Carter didn't see another Neurologist until October of 2012 When Carter turned 5 his seizure slowly became more frequent and longer, but still no longer than 5 minutes. He has always stayed aware of his surrounding. He would even come to me when he was having a seizure. Just about the time I would make him an appointment he would stop having seizures. In June of 2012 Carter had his most severe seizure. It was then I decided that we had to take him in again. It took awhile to find a neurologist, get the means, and an appointment. I was afraid the neurologist would say I had been a horrible mother for not bringing him in more often, and for going so long in between appointments, but it was exactly opposite. She felt I had done just what I should have. She did however want to medicate him. Daniel did not. I did. Carter did not. I agreed not to medicate him until we had reached a decision together. I talked to Carter about what medicating him could do for him. I talked to Daniel about the decision. I prayed about it. My son is smart. I wanted the decision to be his, but I wanted to have peace with his decision. We decided not to medicate him. Carter has not had another seizure since June of 2012. I would love to say he will never have another one. I hope he doesn't, but he could. He hasn't yet. One day we may medicate him if he needs it, but right now his body is figuring it out. His doctors have said they hope he will grow out of it. I hope they are right. I trust my son. I have faith in my husband. I know God will not lead us astray. I pray this is how Carter's story ends.

I haven't posted in...awhile. I'm kind of over the whole blog thing, but I wanted to post a picture and see if anyone even checks the blog anymore...or if anyone will comment.

Life is Precious

Life truly is precious. Last year my Auntie Linda passed away. was an amazing woman. She loved her kids and grand kids. They loved her too. She loved to shop for a good deal. She was feisty. She was beautiful. Many people will miss her for the rest of their lives. Her life was precious.
During that same trip I found out I was pregnant with Drew. He is precious. A new life. He is surrounded by love all day. His smile brightens an entire room full of people. His laugh makes others giggle. He is a miracle and a blessing in our home.
Friday, my Uncle Chuck had a stroke. His life is precious too, but he lived it in a way that left him lonely in the end. My heart aches for him. He does not have a wife or kids to pass along his legacy. I feel overwhelming guilt for all of the times I avoided him, and I feel awful that I did not see him on my last trip to GV. He was stubborn but kind, he was needy but selfless, he had crazy habits but they weren't necessarily his fault. He was impossible and sweet. I will miss you U. CHARLES.
This yo-yo of emotions for life leaves me motivated but exhausted. I feel like wrapping my entire family in a big blanket to snuggle on the couch and enjoy one another.

Drew at 3 months!

I can hardly believe our family has lived for 3 months with 6 members. It has been a hard 3 months. Not because of Drew. Drew is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. He has been a little whiny, but as soon as we took dairy out of his diet he started doing much better.  I thought it would be nice to post a few pictures of the little guy since I haven't yet.

A little deer in the headlights, but he is still cute.

I love his chubbiness!

Getting him to laugh and take a picture at the same time is challenging.  I got a super cute smile!  I just missed the top of his head.  I couldn't help but post it anyways.  

I have so many great photographer friends. One day I am going to find the time to hire one of them.

A hospital birth after a homebirth

PLEASE REMEMBER I DO NOT EDIT MY POSTS....THIS IS A FREEWRITING AREA ONLY!

I wanted to quickly jot down my thoughts about having a hospital birth after a homebirth.  My homebirth was everything I wanted.  I remember the midwives asking me to describe how I wanted my birth to be.  First, I wanted it calm and quiet.  I didn't want people touching me, poking me, and talking.  I wanted my body to regulate the entire birth.  My number one goal was to see exactly how my body would labor.  Birth is amazing!  We as women are made to give birth...I know that not everyone can have a homebirth due to many circumstances, and I really wanted the experience.  That having been said....Daniel did not feel the same way.  He wanted a Doctor (he thought), drugs, nurses, and post-natal care for 48 hours after the birth so he could focus on our other children while I couldn't.  He didn't really complain, but he did let everyone know it wasn't his idea ;) 
Taylor's birth was amazing.  I got everything I wanted.  The midwives and Daniel were quiet except for minimal coaching.  The midwives did not leave me side, but they were not overly present.  My body dictated the ENTIRE birth.  It was AMAZING to see what my body could do.  Daniel admits it wasn't as bad as he thought.  He loved sleeping in our own bed just hours after she was born.  My body healed so much faster!  OH AND TO BE HOME!!!! (BTW the number one question people ask me is, "How messy is home birth?"  The midwives clean up. the birth area was cleaner after they left than when they got there.)  The only down side to home birth was pain, but that was what I wanted.  My home birth was perfect.

When I found out I was pregnant with Drew I figured we would have another home birth.  Since I am religious I had to pray and make sure home birth was right for us.  The more I prayed the more I knew that we could not have a home birth.  The answer was a clear "NO!"  Part of me was relieved  Daniel and I would not have to have the home birth discussion again. Part of me was sad that I would not be in the comfort of my own home :(   Then there was the Dr. vs Midwife discussion.  We chose Dr. Kells because he has midwives in his office, but I did not decide I who I wanted to deliver me until 35 weeks when baby failed a NST and a biophysical profile.  I went with Dr...I thought.

DREW'S BIRTH

Dr. Kells wanted to induce me when I went in for my appointment at 39 weeks 5 days.  My blood pressure was 150 over like 100.  I had +2 protein in my urine, and I was pretty swollen.  When he put his thumb into my calf in sank and when he removed his thumb the entire print stayed forever.  I did not really want to be induced, especially after experiencing all my body could do with Taylor.  I was done being pregnant though, and lets face it...my BP was high... :) 

When we got to the hospital it and they had me hooked up to IV penicillion (Group B strep +....LAME) and saline it was around 10:15.  I was watching the monitor and could tell I was contracting.  The nurse came in a short while later and told me they could not give me any pitocin because I was contractin every 4 minutes.  LOL...It wasn't intense at all.  My body contract on those stupid machines the entire time I am hooked up...nothing happens.  The nurse came back in around 11:30 to check and I was a 4.5.  I was a four when I got there so I wasn't impressed.  I kept thinking...this is going to take forever...I am not even in labor.  I was wrong.  By 12:30 my contractions were getting stronger, longer and closer together.  I was only a 5, but I was starting to get uncomfortable.  We had discussed epidural.  I wasn't sure what I wanted from this birth.  Baby boy is the last for us.  Did I want to experience the nature of birth or just enjoy it?!?!?!?  I wasn't sure.  The nurse knew how I felt.  She agreed she would come back in an hour and check on me.  At 1:30 exactly was having the LONGEST contraction of the day that was super intense.  I said out loud "come on!"  I was talking about the contraction, but my nurse came in and said, "It has been exactly an hour."  lol she thought I was talking about her.  I decided I wanted an epidural.  NOW I DO NOT CARE HOW ANYONE ELSE FEELS ABOUT EPIDURALS.....PLEASE KEEP YOUR OPINIONATED COMMENTS TO YOURSELF! Sorry, there are a few people who are driving me crazy right now :)  I was nervous to get an epidural though.  I didn't want to wimp out at 5 cm dilated!!!  I wasn't worried about the medical repercussions.  I have had 2 before.  I decided I wanted to enjoy the last time I would give birth.  I wanted to laugh, sleep, watch tv, listen to music, and enjoy the other people in the room.  Little did I know, there would not be much time for that....hehe.  They gave me my epidural at 2:00.  It should have kicked in at 2:15.  I admit some of the pain was a little less intense, but I was still having to concentrate on relaxing and breathing to get through the contraction.  I should have known I was in transition.  hehe.  At 2:30 the epidural was working well enough that I wasn't going to cry during contraction, but I could still feel everything my body was experiencing.  They checked me and I was a 7.  I told the nurse not to go anywhere because I would be delivering soon.  She called the Dr.   He was in the middle of a procedure in the office, but his midwife was in the hallway.  Midwife....GREAT, I LOVE MIDWIVES!  I only chose Dr. Kells to deliver me out of fear.  Ramona came into the room.  I was dialted to a 10 with no pressure to push....it was 3:00.  Now with my other hospital births the Dr's would have strapped me up and made me start pushing.  Not Ramona.  I told her I wanted to follow my body's lead.  She was all for it.  The epidural was PERFECT.  Minimal pain, but just enough that could tell exactly what was happening.  It was like a dulled natural birth.....kinda....lol.  Anyhow, I followed my body's lead.  Ramona was perfect because she gave me some insight as to what was happening and I let her know how I was feeling.  We laughed, talked, and enjoyed the birth process.  No crying and screaming this time.  I gave birth to Drew at 3:33pm.  He was 8 lbs 11oz and 21 inches long!  A big baby boy.  He was 1.5 to 2.5 pounds bigger than any of my other babies.  No tearing.  Perfect!   I loved having a midwife at the hospital.

Now, after having a traditional hospital birth, a home birth, and a midwife at the hospital, which would I choose if I had another?  I can't answer that.  I can say I probably wouldn't do a Dr. at the hospital.  Midwife all the way for me.  WAY BETTER CARE....at least for me.   Hospital vs Home.  It is too hard to say.  Taylor's birth was so special and so was Drew's.  They were both exactly what I wanted.  I wouldn't have either of them any other way.  Taylor's birth was the most spiritual.  Drew's was the most fun.  Carter's was the most enlightening.  Chase's was the most....well.... I think typical would be the best word. The good thing is... I shouldn't have to ever make that decision again! 

I will say this...there is not place like home!

Christmas in October

I did not record any of my feelings at the end of pregnancy with the other 3 babies.  At least not that I remember.  I could write it in my journal, but I thought I would let everyone know I am still pregnant.

There were a lot of people pregnant and due within two weeks of me.  Some before...some after....and one on the same day.  I am not used to being last.  The girl due the same day as me asked if I could feel myself getting grumpier every day.... lol.  Yes, that is exactly how I was feeling.  Then, last night, I made a mental note of all the things that are better about being pregnant. 

1. I slept through the night.  Yep the entire night!  I did not even get up to use the restroom :)

2. I have a midterm for Bio 202 next week.  It is brutal.  I do not have an extra cute distraction to keep me from studying.

3. NO little rinse bottle.  You ladies know exactly what I am talking about....  the bottle that replaces toilet paper. 

4. My mom will be here in 2 days!  She may actually be here for the birth of one of my children!

5. The baby gear is still in a box, and not all over my house.  No bouncer, swing, cradle, and car seat taking over the living room.

6. I am not leaking. (I really do not enjoy nursing)

7.  Taylor is not a total nightmare.  I am a little worried about the jealousy factor.  She is a little spoiled.


I am sure there are more.  I could go on, but I do not want to convince myself that I don't want a bay at all.  They are a lot of work, and I AM about to have one.

This morning I was not feeling as positive as last night.  A friend asked how I was feeling.  I told him "I feel like it is Christmas, and I only got socks."  That was a perfect description.  It conveys the secret jealousy of the other ladies.  It describes the disappointment I feel every morning when I wake up still pregnant.  It describes the anticipation and excitement.  Christmas....and babies.... Can you see the connection?

A lot of people are nervous I am going to have the baby and they will not get the news.  Do not worry.  I will shout it from the roof tops.  I will send out a mass text.  I will post of Facebook. I will even post on our blog. 

After all...it will be Christmas.

It's a boy!

Sometimes I forget I have a blog, but I have to document our bean.

I had a ultrasound in May at 18 weeks. They tried and tried to see if it was a boy or a girl.  I even came back a few hours later and they tried again for a half hour.  We finally determined it was probably a girl.  Daniel was pretty convinced it was a girl.  Taylor would have a sister and we would be evenly numbered boys vs girls. I, on the other hand, was convinced.  Our little bean had his legs crossed with the cord running inbetween. It was obvious that you could NOT tell the gender.

But... we still proceeded to call the baby a girl. 

I went to California for Kelly's wedding, and my mom took me for another ultrasound.  A lot of the family was there Mom, Kelly, the kids, Granny, and Nicole. The ultrasoudn tech put the wand on my belly and immediatly said, "I can tell you right now it's not a girl."  She was right.  I guess he got tired of us calling him a girl.  He showed off well this time.  It was the best $50 my mom has ever spent!

I called Daddy and he exclaimed,"No WAY!"  It was cute. I had to send him a picture text to confirm.  We were both a little shocked.

When we thought the baby was a girl.  I was really excited.  When we found out the baby was a boy I was overjoyed!

Wouldn't it be funny if the baby was actually born a girl...lol