HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE ESPECIALLY YOU TO INTERRUPT WHEN IM TALKING TO HER?!
do u have to come into our convo when we are at coffee shop?
you have the whole fucking night to talk to her ok.
keep calling her when im with her.
fucked up.
thanks for taking her away.
if i were to lose such a fren, i will only blame you.
you, who made me hated you alot.
you, who made me lost my clique of close frens.
you, who is making me lose my best fren.
you, who make my best fren lie to me with you.
you, who made my best fren kept things away from me.
you, who made my best fren not being able to meet us on weekends like wat we always do.
fyi, weekends is the time where we all can really bond and talk but you fucker who always wants to ask her out and she will always have no time for us.
fuck.
im fucking pissed.
fuck off.
its not tt i didnt try to accept you.
but i fucking hate wat u do with her.
lying to me with her.
helping her lie to me.
to think u used to call me sister and saying u r a christian.
what a shame!
lying to me not once but few times.
fyi, christian don lie.
fucker.
fuck.
yes. be angry for all u like.
come and talk to me.
i will sit down and tell u ALL my fucking unhappiness about you!
fuck it.
u fucking know i only got this best fren and u wanna take it away from me.
saying u r hr best fren.
welldone.
go ahead and be her best fren.
fuck off and die!
sick...after so long, i feel the pain in my throat.
drank alot of water but was of no use.
been having alot of weird dreams.
don even think we'll have a chance to meet up with everyone in the near future.
fuckin hate him.
fuck off.
cos of u everything changed.
sometimes when i see you, i don even know i i should smile to u.
when i saw u, u are always having the dao look.
and whenever i see you, you remind me of things.
all the negative thoughts come to me upon seeing you.
shit man. how come such things have to occur.
SHOULD NEVER HAVE TELL U HOW TO BE MORE SENSITIVE!
fucking regret it.
fucking tired now.
fuck off.
fuck.
my blood is boiling and nobody understands.
im still so far from target.
fuck.
fuck it.
FUCK OFF!
sometimes i still get the feeling from you of being used.hate it man.i can be really nice to a fren when he/she is close to me.u know urself i always wake up jus to mornin call you.end up when u r happy u appear, when u r unhappy u disappear.fuck cb.
poker over at john's place was good.seems like a chalet.hahahahaa...nice catch up with the rest since its been quite sometime since i really sat down n gather with them.don ever try and be a spoiler.its for me to judge.action speaks louder than words.when i don say anything, it doesn't mean nothin is wrong.im jus sitting there seeing if you will ever realise it.
once again, i slept early on a sat night..
dream of them again..
sigh.. somehow jus missed the company lo..
was supposed to meet boss n nigel today..
but gotta settle boy boy.
how i wished all 6 could be present but god is not on our side..
sigh.....
once again it came into my dream.this time wasn't to genting, kl or JB.it was to taiwan with the OoSG clique.weird and funny dream.haha.don ask me why taiwan.i got no idea too!
of cos it'll be damn nice to travel tgt once again.
our dream was to travel to bkk tgt at the end of this yr.
but.....
sigh...
mixed feelings..
serious. i might not have shown it out but..
i would definitely wan a RM or even better, a RD.
but im jus scared.
jus less than 2 weeks.
will i ever be able to do it?
give me motivation.
grant me strength.
i wished so much to have a meet up after nigel's exam.
but now its not time yet.
i'vee got to set my priorities right.
well. will meet ls, sl and angela soon!
mayb in the new month yeah?
abit busy tis month!
wat does the dream means?
happy birthday ian teo!hahahaa was nice catchin up with everyone.haven been seeing them since our paper ended cos timing wasnt right.i was at sentosa when they asked me out and i had smt on ytd when they opened chalet. hahaadon feel really well.sians..feel like hibernating myself from everyone!
once again, i happen to hear the song which we always listen to when we were on the way to genting, kl, JB or even anywhere in sg.even FM95 plays it too..jus tt its in english version and not in spanish..missed each and everyone's company!it takes 2 hands to clap.i hope u cooperate with me.
miss chattin with sue ann.
haven got time to look for her.
well, think later or tml ba!
time to go work!ciaos peeps! =D
wtf. woke up with a very bad flu.slept ard 5am but i woke up around 12pm..like so early man..it was daughter's and sebas's text that woke me up.hahahaa... think i should be goin over later at night..so cute the text eh..magic sch bus!! HAHAHAwow i jus love bonding with my classmates!!POKER POKER!!!
cant sleep well for the past few days.
keep having dreams..
my mind is so heavy.
i was surprised when shirley told me that.
she was standin in front of me yet i din notice..
at tt point of time i was thinkin of somethings.
sigh....
anw i hope u r feeling better after last night.
yes, our convo was very tense in the beginning.
but it got much better.
its not tt i wanna interfere.
but jus don wan history to repeat.
for i know, god knows, ppl closer to me knows i want nothing but only the best of the best for you.
reason being very simple.
cos u are someone im close to and i really appreciate.
yes u may think im bullshitting.
but try randomly asking anyone close to me and ask them.
even sue ann knows wat i want for u..
as for boss..
so sorry.. wanted to talk to u about some stuffs last night.
but i was far too tired plus i know my flu bug will come attacking me.
and now its here. oh gosh.
hahaha. ok catch up soon boss!
to those having exams soon like dearest sor mui, rebakah n etc..
jia you for revision okay?!!
hearts u guys!!
meet up soon sweets!
nigel's bdae is coming soon..
shirley and i having big headache as to how to celebrate for him.
how i wish our initial plan can be carried out.
but i doubt so..
hoping its for the time being and not permanent.
i hope you guys are alright.sometimes its jus hard to communicate and say watever i've got to say.if god could let me choose, i will definitely give up everything i have now jus to go back to the past.i know monetary issues is an extremely important factor.but so wat if i have tonnes of money?i wont be happy at the end of the day.i jus wan things to be so happy like how we all used to be months back.i can be broke, can be a beggar.but all i want is jus a simple wish.jus to see everyone happy.esp those people closer to me such as shirley, gisela, kent, ls, qing, thomas n etc. =))
shit..
i forgotten im supposed to meet aunt fong online.
supposed to webcam..
sry darling!! email u soon to fix a date okay!!
miss u and everyone at home tonnes!
*BIG HUGS!*
i think u should jus fuck off.
yes definitely i would like to be a fren of urs.
i even tot of being good frens with u.
but not anymore when u r the cause of it.
i judge from my eyes.
not from my ears.
fyi, action speaks EXTREMELY louder than words dude.
i may be wrong.
but let me tell u, from what i know a christian don lie.
try lying to me more.
i shall see how sinful are u at the end of the day.
don tink i know nuts.
im just sitting here waitin for the show to begin.
im seriously EXTREMELY pissed and disappointed in u.
the simplest thing of what u should do, u failed to do so.
fuck off.
fuck off and stop coming in between of us u fucker!
u r seriously a 2 faced person like wat someone told me.
u claim all credit and then forget about everything of me and the someone.
can u fucking think back last time when u needed our help, who was there to help u. fuck off u r seriously an idiot. a bastard. a coward.
fuck la. knn. i hope u r burn in hell.
i've never seen a guy being such a bastard before.
serious fuck off and stop spoiling the frenship between us.
the sight of u simply irks me alot!
lookin at my fren's genting photos brings back tonnes of memories.more of the OoSG memories..but their theme park brings back my trip with my uni frens.sigh. i am very sad for i know all the many programs that we planned might not come true.you are the cause of it fucker.
im extremely disappointed.disappointed in you, me, him & another him.i jus don understand you gotta lie to me due to convenience.he apologised for the lies he helped you to me.when i heard about it, i understand y u did it but i jus don like it.knowing me for so many years, knowing u will never lie to you, but yet i was still kept in the dark and sometimes being lied by u..and now for i know the biggest truth, i had the biggest culture shock.been very angry with u recently.firstly, u jus left like this on thus night.not onli i was but s was always very disappointed and angry.like we had the same feeling.u r the head and if u leave, things will not be in order.i know it was a bad day for u, but u don seem to be able to keep ur emotions in control.and im always the victim.secondly, u said u wanted to tell me.but i asked the 3rd time and u said can i not ask.i wwas thinkin mayb u wanted to have some fun and forget about him when we were at marina barrage..so i told mnyself its ok.. mayb u will tell me in the comin week.i know the more i want to know, the more i don wan u to do, the more u will not tell me and the more u will do.but am i ur best fren? i know u will say its privacy.but i jus hope to at least know things which u always told me u would.but yet i seem to not know alot of things.thridly, u jus left me like tis for the sake of fun.left me goin home alone.i tot after u r not meeting ur frens, u will be goin home with me.i feel u are drifting apart from me.but y like this?for i really hate his presence.he seem to have taken my best away but y?is it me or him or her?fuck.im fucking pissed.for i know for sure, im always doin and giving u the best.til people think im god.whenever u r sick, i try to always be there though u are always sick.it was after a joke from u and that's y i started doin so.i know u r someone who don express urself much.but i tot u will be a nice best who will always be sensitive towards me.watever i heard seems true.but wat can i do?thanks for sharing so much with me..i know u r sad.. but i hope it wont affect ur studies.though u guys are no longer tgt, im still here for both of u.i donno if any of u will appreciate the friendship between all of us, but i'll still be the annoying rach who will pester u peeps to see if u guys are free and alright..for i know deep down, both of u r not.im sorry for only calling u at night cos i tot u needed time to cool down.im really upset.the many promises we made cannot be fulfilled.something he said last night made me even sadder.he wanted to play mj or jus spent sometime with us and her.
cos we were so busy with proj, test and exams.
askin us out cos finally he had some time to spare. but yet such things happen.i donno wat's gonna happen after this post.mayb best might be pissed. but if i don rant here, where can i rant?there are so many things which i wanted to write it out here but i cant.for i know an idiot reads my blog and ask many ques and cause problems between me and her.quoted from my past post:"SENTOSA WITH DOGGIES SOON!!!!!!
PRAWNING SOON WITH THE OTHER 3 - 5 MORE PPL!!!!!
OUR USED TO ALMOST ALTERNATE NIGHT OF MJ!!!!
OUR MALAYSIA TRIPS!!!!!!
OUR BANGKOK TRIP!!!!!
OUR DIM SUM SUPPER NEAR LAVANDER!!!!
OUR DIM SUM AT CHINATOWN WHICH WE HAVE YET TO BEEN THERE!
CIRCLE OF DEATH!!! OMG THE BEST GAME EVER!!!!!
and the list goes on......"when will all these come truee?i think no longer anymore..all i want to say to my best fren is:i know there are things u r keeping away from me.i know u don wanna tell me things cos im bias.but i told u before im no longer bias. im willing to listen and accept but somehow when i talk, u will shoot me back.for am i really that useless?i donno if watever happened is affecting u alot.though in appearence, u seem alright, i know deep down u r not.all i want u to know is u are and will always be my best fren.
i jus want the best for u and the rest of the OoSG peeps cos u guys are the ones whom i appreiate alot other then other ppl outside like ls, qing n many more.
for god knows that im always givin u the best but i really hope u will be more sensitive.u might think all these are bullshit but 3rd party knows best.i've heard so many comments and people telling me but i choses not to listen and believe.cos i know i made the right fren and i will not regret.i hope u will share things with me soon.the truth and not the lies for my previous posts, i said i hate liars and may all liars be burnt in hell.i really appreciate and love u best.thats for sure.as for my gd fren whom i have always been calling boss and will cont to do so..im sorry for not being able to tell u things when u asked me in the past.i know u uds it and didnt wan to put me in the diff spot.im sorry. but i hope u n the guys will still be willing to meet up with us and have supper as usual.i know i will feel bad towards her but if i don meet u guys, i will feel even more bad towards u guys.i really wished i can split myself up.always there for her and u.but im stuck.but for sure the both of u r people whom i appreciate alot.or rather all 6 of u.once again, im sorry.
for my daughter, thanks gal for always being there.u r really someone who is always there when i needed comfort.though sometimes my attitude towards u is bad or when i made fun of u sayin u never spent time with me, u still accepted me.cos u uds that i wasnt in the right mood.and after since the last time i already took ur advise that i couldnt do much.jus ignore it.i did and i felt better cos there is really nothin i can do.all i did was to pray pray and pray.whenever they were quarrelling, no matter where am i i would jus secretly pray.pray that things will be fine but i know this day will come.and i've got to accept it.thanks for being so nice.mummy is always here for u.i know u r pissed as well. but we'll work hard tgt okay? =)
im actually very pissed with myself.
for not tryin to do sufficient things to help out.
i din wan things to be worst and so i chose to sit at a corner being a coward.
all i could do is to pray pray and pray.
hoping god will ans my prayers.
i don even know if i could forgive myself not thinkin about if the rest can forgive me.
i may be a nuisance to u guys but all i wan is everyone to be happy.
thats all i wish for.
believe it or not, its up to u.
im seriously very lost now.
very very upset.
extremely.
i wished i could dig a hole and hide my head in there.
cos i would not like to face the reality anymore.
not even for another second.
til now i donno y i need to help u to settle the misunderstanding.
tellin u to be sensitive.
i told u to be sensitive cos i don wan u to hurt her.
i don like seeing her to be so upset or affected by u.
but yet i seem to be creating chance for u indirectly.
im the worst person on earth.
i should be shot down by lighting.
really hate myself.
fuck.
EXAMS ARE FUCKED UP!hahahahaa. hate exams ALOT!its the holidays now and yet my timing is screwed.i wake up at 10am latest everyday!LIKE WTF!anw presenting to u baby justin and darling madelene!wow! its been a year and baby madelene grew up by so much!btw they are my dearest cousins from houston!missing them alot esp aunt fong and not forgetting max.hahahaa!!
Baby Justin is so small size! think this was taken on the day he was born! =D
he's now about 6 weeks old..
but donno when was this taken but i find it so kawaii!!!
can't wait to meet him in 3yrs time. hopefully time flies faster!
my darling madelene and baby justin!from this picture, i find that madelene darling grew alot within a year!!missin her like hell!!she's a clever gal!!missing those days when i sleep tgt with her for 3 weeks in houston!!!can't wait for aunt fong, madelene and justin to come sg..
as promised, they might be back during CNY in 2014 with their daddy too.
and they should be stayin over at my place cos by then russell will be in camp and we have spare room!
madelene can bunk in with me too!!
they don get to feel the CNY season in houston so wanna come back during CNY period.
its also a good timin so we can have out family reunion dinner together and they can try all the traditional chinese food!
argh... i know there's still a long way to go..
so lets pray time flies faster!! HAHAHAAA
WOW!! BABY JUSTIN DAT TRAN arrived on 30/09/2009 at Children's memorial Hermann Hospital!!cant wait to see how he looks like! =Dmissing madelene alot too!!cannot call her baby madelene anymore cos she's no longer a baby!she's the elder sis of justin!exams in another 7hrs!fuck exams!exams sucks!and can u jus f off?i donno y u gotta be angry over such things.cant u jus be a little more understanding?
i will appreciate it VERY MUCH if u don be a destroyer.
thanks.
YAY!!!im goin bkk with my sweeties!but its next yr!but nvm!! we got like 3 months to work and save money! HAHA!!!!we're so gonna shop til we drop dead!I SWEAR! and jus nice when we are back, its few more days to cny.wanted to go on 12 - 16 feb BUT jus notice tt CNY is on 14 feb!VALENTINE's day PLUS my darlings might have their own dates on tt day! WHAHAHAwanted to go on dec but we are worried our sales team might not be stable enough.BUT we know they can make it and will be stable VERY SOON!then wanna go in early jan but best might be goin taiwan with company and by then we will be SUPER broke cos im goin to china.so jus nice after pay day we'll go bkk!actually wanted to go with boss, elijah and nigel.but then boss will be schooling.cos we were sayin we wanna travel tgt at the end of the yr!nigel asked me to plan but i plan on a feb.he should be able to make it but since boss not goin i doubt he n elijah will wan.HAHA maybe end of the yr we can go somewhere cheap and nice together!BINTAN?! HAHAAA
so this will be a ALL GIRLS TRIP!
wont feel comfortable if other ppl join in other then the other 3 OoSG ppl! HAHA
im so gonna bring them to thai massage EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!to mani and pedicure!WOW I SERIOUSLY CANT WAIT!!! HAHAHAAmy mom is so nice! i told her and she didnt object!or maybe might be goin HK with angela.
but my timin for this month seems quite pack.
if its cheap i don mind!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I LOVE HK!!!!and i decided to work hard and get both grandmas a perfect match necklance while i'll get my mom a ring by next yr!for my mom DIE OSO MUST BUY! HAHAHAHAAok gonna check out the hotels and then slp then wake up and face reality for FPC!YAY 'm so gonna work hard for my half price JAPAN trip in march!!!else worst come to worst my FOC trip to korea by next yr june!I SWEAR I WILL WORK HARD!jus wait and see!!!yoyo! SUPER MOTIVATED!!!! WOW!!!! =DGOOD COMPANY WITH BEST AND DAUGHTER = BEST COMPANION!you better not be the spoiler!!!
die.
seriously no heart to study for tis sem paper.
HELP ME!
sakae sushi supper buffet with gisela and shirley.kent joined in when we were ending. hahahaawanted to play mj but shot of a player.wanted to go prawnin but not enough ppl.wanna play poker but oso insufficient players.LOLsoon la hor after our exams!hahaha once again i brought out food from sakae.too full la somemore red plate.very wasteful leh!hahahahaawas a super duper last min decision.hahahahaa though it was a short night, but it was a nice one. =Dgood company with good frens.jus that everyone was damn tired and we didnt have sufficient ppl. hahaasoon we will ALL meet up! HAHAHAAAand once again, i tricked best.LOL. so damn funny when i see shirley's expression!LOL!i know im evil.but who cares?i only know the 3 of them are on my top of the list.HAHAHAHAHAHAtonight, rachel is a happy gal when she's with ppl from OoSG and her closer frens!gonna start mugging! =DDDDSENTOSA WITH DOGGIES SOON!!!!!!PRAWNING SOON WITH THE OTHER 3 - 5 MORE PPL!!!!!OUR USED TO ALMOST ALTERNATE NIGHT OF MJ!!!!OUR MALAYSIA TRIPS!!!!!!OUR BANGKOK TRIP!!!!!OUR DIM SUM SUPPER NEAR LAVANDER!!!!OUR DIM SUM AT CHINATOWN WHICH WE HAVE YET TO BEEN THERE!CIRCLE OF DEATH!!! OMG THE BEST GAME EVER!!!!!and the list goes on......wow i cant wait for holidays to come to fulfill all these!but of cos, definitely a nono to neglecting of work! HAHAAgisela, shirley, wai dek, tat, micheal, joanne, rebakah, sam, chai lin, petrina lets JIA YOU tgt for our dreams okay!! =Deveryone in class esp lisan, ian, angela and nigel lets jia you tgt for studies tgt!i hate sch! OH DEAR! =)
BACK OFF! =)
missing handbells once again...whenever i hear sukiyaki and scarborough fair at any departmental stores i will purposely stay longer til the piece ended.it brings back tonnes of memoriesanw went to see boy boy last night.what a cutie!he is so skinny.how i wish i could adopt him but i know i wont have sufficient time for him.already feeling bad that i cant spend as much time as usual with my darling bear.nvm. will bring him to the beach with dearest bestie, kent and shirley and the dogs.mayb nigel and elijah can join in too. =Dmay things continue being smooth for me throughout my next 3 yrs.hahahaaa.not gonna be the 95% anymore.and i somehow have alrd decided if im gonna continue with my studies.the last person whom i gonna consult is my darling aunt fong.wonder if she has given birth.baby gal will definitely be damn cute.cant wait to meet her in a few yrs time!awww. this makes me miss houston so much.one of my dream is to bring bestie over to the states to enjoy for our holiday!maybe next yr!would definitely wan to bring shirley there too! HAHAHAo and definitely not forgettin boss if he don mind!cos u know gals always love shoppin! HAHAHA and not forgetting my trip with bestie lisan and jessica!omg so many trips are on our mind.but first thing first, EARN MORE MONEY!hahahhahaabut most importantly and on the top of the list is.....BANGKOK with my OoSG people!HAHA! hopefully by first half of the yr next yr.definitely gotta accomodate to everyone's leave, sch holiday and all! =D
gosh. exams are round thr corner.
y so coincident?
came out from shower n offline.
don tell me wat im thinkin is right again.
wtf.
wow. boy boy is serious one cute baby.
but he's so skinny.
hopefully best brings it home..
supper at bukit timah!
and for a moment it feels so nice.
cos its been quite some time since the 4 of us hang out and have supper at prata.
the 6 of us gathering has been quite some time.
awwwww...
cant wait for exams to end and we'll bring dogs to sentosa!
exams and YOU should jus F off! =D
onli closer ppl will b able to ask me questions.
the rest pls don ask.
thanks
wanted to chat more but u jackson came last min.hmmm.. nvm hopefully another day.somehow feeling things are fishy.all i need is you to jus tell me the truth.though i will keep askin, tt is jus to get a confirmed answer.i might think another way but after askin and askin, i will believe. hhaabeen telling s..i shouldnt have told him to be more sensitive when replyin text.and yet i ended up harmin my gd fren.jus felt tt i created a 3rd party between the ideal ones.though he is always helpin me, but i jus think i did the wrong thing.i can repay his kindness in some other ways.so angry with myself.guess i only have myself to blame.i know im selfish by not helping but i jus cant help it.makes me feel so heart pain.on the other hand, felt some comfort when i saw the text to gd fren.putting them in my prayers every mornin and night.sometimes whenever i feel bad, i jus prayed.hopping to seek some comfort from him by seeing things gettin better.some might think im bullshitting.but i don give a damn. whether i did prayers anot, god knows it himself.also felt really glad that we are goin to sentosa soon!after my exams!bringin our dogs there and also our mj session!missing ourr seafood and malaysia trips!oh today is 1st oct.tong is goin genting!whoo~ remembering the times when we were there.felt so happy when they became better there.really. though i hated him alot in the past, but i know he is sincere.it was only then in the crossroad when we were on the topic then i really realised tt he is realli sincere.not only me, but everyone knows. hahaaawe are all really happy for them and keepin them in prayers.im sorry that i might give u cold treatment.but cos i really cant forgive myself if it really happens.and hopefully i don hear lies.i know u r really a nice bro.but i jus hope u wont come in between.i really donno wtf am i writing.typin really randomly.cos im really worried.sometimes i wished we never got to know you.so things wont be so bad.been quarrelling alot recently also cos of you.i know such things im not supposed to interfere.but they are really ppl whom i know for years and ppl whom i know will be there for me when i need them.so i jus cant help it.for a moment when i received a text from s, i laughed.hahahaa.cos we knew the feeling of jealous.we were really happy.sigh. i know u helped me alot.but i jus cant help it.they are my life.seriously.i don wan cos of u, i lost any.for i really hate liars.we were plannin for a BKK trip.gosh really lookin forward to it.with them, i know its gonna be fun!SHOPPING and seeing them chain smoking.GOSH! LOL!best bosses makes my day! =Dand thanks best for the lollipop.not gonna open it!cant bear to!i hope you will really tell me things soon.really feel like collapsing.sigh... nobody seems here.where were you when i needed u the most....in less then a yr time, things will change alot...sigh....im really sorry bro..
but i really hope truth will be out.
i jus cant help it.
its affecting me alot.
seriously.
sigh....
lord pls answer my prayers.
amen
