Farewell 2013

Bismillah.

2013 has been a tough year for me. The first phrase of the year, I suffered for not having a job. Country got into so many issues, so I as a citizen might as well affected by the unstable country's economic growth and political condition . Phew. In July, I finally got the position. I get posted to JB. So, returning here left nothing in my heart. Neither happy nor sad. Better yet, not west Malaysia. Not that  they are not good, I just don't see my future there.

At the beginning of working phrase kononnya, I was so stress out. I found myself crying in the car. I found myself over think in the toilet. I found myself get lost while driving. I found myself feeling soooo lonely. Aahh, how childish. Macam kau ni tak boleh handle masalah je weh. Tapi lama-lama aku okey. Sebab aku finally realise yang time management is crucial. Discipline is VERY important. Then, aku realise yang the best thing to deal with problem is you need to be heartless. Kau tak payah lah nak terasa sangat kalau orang sindir kau. Kau tak payah la nak stress sangat kalau kerja banyak. Kau buat je apa yang termampu dengan ikhlas. Memang susah nak puaskan hati semua orang. 

Terengganu ke Johor tu memang jauh. Jauh bangat. Aku ok berjauhan dengan family. Like seriously I left home since I was 13. Study abroad. I could handle homesick quite well. Yea, I guess so. Hahaha. But when it comes to driving, I feel so helpless. Can you imagine driving alone for 10 hours, JB -KT or KT-JB is beyond I could do. Sekali balik, 2 hari sakit pinggang tak habis lagi. Adik aku pernah tanya " tak sunyi ke drive sorang lama cam gitu". Do I have choice? Nope. Takde. But I learn to get over it. There's no point I weep. It changes nothing. Aku ni dah la tak boleh rasa susah. Terus rasa nak nangis. 

Aku banyak belajar independent. Pergi mana-mana sorang. Tapi aku ok je. Kan aku pernah cakap, aku pandai isi minyak je. Pernah satu hari tu, tayar kereta kurang angin. Aku terpaksa pam tayar. Boleh kot buat sendiri. Konfident 300% okey. Tapi kan, bila pam aku rasa macam angin makin keluar je. Dah la meter tak tunjuk pape. So, aku terpaksa minta tolong random guy pamkan tayar aku. " Erk, boleh tak tolong pam tayar kereta saya?" Dia pun pam keempat-empat tayar kereta ku. Lega. Tapi sampai bila la aku nak harap kat orang kan? Kena belajar. Hehehe.

  

Now, I'm a tough girl. 

I'm now more confident in what I'm doing. I could do most of the things on my own and alone. Oh come on, I'm a big girl. I hope 2014 brings more good things and happy news. 

The reason

Assalamualaikum.

Pernah tak dengar yang everything happen dalam hidup kita ni ada sebab? Sesuatu tak akan berlaku tanpa sebab. Orang-orang yang kita kenal dalam hidup kita pun ada purpose kenapa Allah hantar untuk kita. Aku sangat yakin, orang yang kita kenal tu akan mengubah certain perception kita dan buat kita realise silap kita, mengajar kita tentang kehidupan dan muhasabah diri. 

Aku ada seorang kawan. Aku akan gunakan 'kambing' untuk refer kepada dia dalam cerita ni so that, korang tak akan tahu dia ni lelaki ke perempuan. So that, there's no bias towards gender dalam describtion pasal kambing. Knowing kambing, kambing is kind in the sense that kambing looks at people as they are. Kambing does not judge people at all. There was one time, we were eating, I saw a group of people doing sometimg not quite right and I said, " hey, look at them". Kambing had a slight glance at them and continued eating. Kambing didn't say anything and rolled its eyes signaling me to stop talking. I was raised up to believe that what's wrong is wrong no matter how and where it's done. But kambing was so optimistic. Kambing believe people shouldn'd be jugde despite everything they've done. Actually banyak lagi yang aku nampak kambing ni not a judgy person. With kambing, I realise that I shouldn't think about someone that way. Let them do whatever they want, be nice to them anyway. Kambing is socially nice, helpful and hardly say NO to me and anyone else. Kambing ni aku boleh kategorikan pious juga la. Tapi dia ni takde la baik sangat. Couple juga. Nakal je. Main redah juga untuk certain thing. But kambing is a good friend la. Apa yang membuatkan aku rasa dia ni macam ok ialah dia seorang yang sangat positif, baik tapi tak baik sangat dan flexsible dalam banyak benda. 

Kambing is psycologically stable. Kambing could handle stress quite well. Kambing always says I am a stressful person. Kambing advice me not to live up to others' expectation. That's what I'm doing all this while. My intention is never to the best among others, it's just my task the best that I could. But I did it the wrong way. I did it because I don't wanna get scolded or I don't want people to run after me because I didn't do my task properly. After all, kambing said do not do something because of others. Do it because it's your responsibility and don't be stressout because of that. Job is dhunia. Ok kambing, I will follow you. Lol!

**********

Brisbane international airport, Australia. 

I was waiting for my next flight to Singapore. I ate alone at the waiting area while waiting for Emma who went to toilet for only God knows how many times. Hahahaha.  A woman walked towards me. She was wearing jubah and tudung. She asked which flight I would be boarding. She asked where I came from. She was from South Africa. Then I asked her why in Australia and New Zealand boarding form they asked " have you been to Africa/ South Africa in last 6 month". They only thing in my mind was, South Africa is not safe, people are fighting and apartied is still an issue over there. For god sake, I'm so lame. She said, the reason was, Africa is a tropical place. There are mosquitoes that might be dangerous. As for Australia and New Zealand who are very strict about bug and all stuff like that as to protect their diary product, they take this issues seriously. Kalau kat Malaysia tak kisah langsung pun pasal nyamuk ke, serangga ke, issu yang paling diambil berat ialah pasal drug. Sebab Malaysia jadi tempat transit untuk drug trafficking. 

Tetiba dia ceritalah yang South Africa ni satu negara yang aman dan dia bebas untuk mengamalkan Islam biarpun South Africa ni sebuat negara Kristian dan dipimpin oleh Kristisn. Dia cakap dia selalu pergi madrasah untuk belajar agama. Dia cakap dengan tenangnya yang dia tenang dengan kehidupan dia. Dia kerja Petronas Malaysia kat South Africa. Dia cakap, dia kerja dapat duit travel. Belajar agama. Bersyukur dengan kehidupan sederhana. Dia tanya aku pandai tak cakap arab, aku cakap aku tak pandai. Aku cakap selalunya sape yang pergi sekolah agama je yang selalu pandai cakap arab. Dia tanya aku kenapa tak pergi sekolah agama dan belajar agama sebab aku cakap aku pergi public school. Dia dah salah faham kononnya aku terlalu liberal dan pluralisme sampai pergi sekolah yang tak belajar agama. Dia ingatkan aku tak pandai mengaji tu semua. Padahal aku selagi tak pandai mengaji, asyik kena cepuk je kerjanya. Siap jari kena titik ngn mak aku. Kena sepak mulut sebab tak betul sebut tu tak payah cakap la berapa kali. 

Aku cakap kat dia public school still belajar agama. Cuma penekanan kepada bahasa Arab tu kurang la kan. Kitaorang cakap pasal Syria, Mesir dan banyak kali issue agama. Sebelum mengakhiri perbualan, dia suruh aku pergi belajar agama. Don't stop learning about your own religion. Kita perlu mencari redha tuhan. Dia pun berjalan ke boarding gate untuk ke London katanya. 

How can someone so randomly approach you and talk about your own religion? Peringatan itu datang dalam perbagai bentuk.