Hearts Turned and Connected to the Fathers

Quin and I at Taylor Cemetery in Shelley Idaho

Knowing that our motivations for traveling to Rexburg and Idaho Falls area were diminishing after Tayler graduation from BYU-I July 23. 2014, I felt a compelling urge to visit our family cemetery.  I felt ready to revisit my tender feelings from those internment days 8 years ago, and I wanted to stand on hallowed ground. So on Jully 24, pioneer day we spent quite a day connecting to our heritage and past.

At the cemetery I did feel a spirit of reverence for the spot, even a sense of closeness to my parents, but I didn't want to, or need to linger on the past, or my lonely heart. I just wanted to drink in the moment, and then move forward.   I noticed the nearby headstones of grandparents, greats, and uncles and aunts.  Stephen and Teresia and Elizabeth were there with us, and we shared a few thoughts and stories too.

I spent a few extra moments at this headstone.  Stephen commented, wondering how the headstone did not have ESTHER Lavada--her whole name engraved there.  He explained that Elizabeth was her name sake, in that her middle name Esther was from this grandmother, our mother's mother. Interestingly, Elizabeth hadn't made that connection, and it was a meaningful moment for her.  I reflected that I was also her namesake, in a way.  Mother told me that though she was expecting me at the time of her mother's death, she had not told her mother yet, as it was so early.  She told me that I knew her mother-- in Heaven before I was born, and that she loved me. I was named Cindy Lou because Grandma loved that name.  She thought it was so cute, and she had suggested it for Susan and Helen-- to no avail!  Giving me that name gave my Mother, and I both a special connection to her mother who I never knew--at least in this life.  I felt a special closeness to this Grandma as I stood there looking at her marker. We only posed at two tombstones for pictures, I don't now why--maybe it was a Mom and Grandma day...

Quin and I by the Petersen marker.

After the cemetery, and some sight seeing around Shelley, and a really fantastic breakfast at Mick's Diner, we went to Rexburg to help Tayler and Heather move out of their apartment.  Our plans for the day were framed around helping them, and after lunch we realized that we could actually fit in one other plan-going to the Idaho Falls temple.  I have been wanting to attend a session in that temple for 6 years--since before Tayler went on his mission, and began attending BYU-I.  I saw my opportunity diminishing, and the yearning to do it that day was particularly strong.  I called Stephen and Teresia, and though they had just taken Elizabeth's kids up to Wolverine to swim in the "crick", and they were hot and dusty, they would meet us for a 6:30 session.

I'm so glad we have the habit of always carrying our recommends, and though we didn't have our own temple clothes, we had church clothes and we were able to go through the door.  I felt like a child staring and drinking in every bit of architecture and decorating that I could from the moment I walked through the door, and throughout the evening.  It is so very beautiful there.  It is peaceful and quiet and lovely.  More than these feelings however, was a very deep emotion hard to describe, but having everything to do with the fact that my parents and my family were sealed together for time and ALL eternity 57 years ago.  Stephen was my connection to the past that day, and the spirit was filling my heart, my soul with an understanding of how significant and meaningful that knowledge is.

 

 Today, I found this picture of my family, the day they were sealed in the temple.  There's Grandpa Petersen, Spencer, my mother Byrle who is holding Susan, my Dad Quinn, Kathi, Stephen and Grandma--Esther Lavada Petersen.  I found it interesting that I was drawn to linger at their tombstone that morning.

Inside the temple, we discovered that we were ready a half hour before the actual session started.  This gave us some extra time to read scriptures and ponder in the chapel as we waited--and to be selected to be the witness couple.  What we thought was an extremely small session at 6:30, turned into a very large one by 7 PM of 60 or 70 people, so we were actually pretty glad we were at the front!  We progressed through the endowment session, moving through 4 rooms (the content of the endowment is the same in all the temples, but there they stop it 4 times  to move into new rooms for the presentation).  As we did this, I kept thinking my parents walked in here, they saw these murals, they stood in this place on that day so long ago.  We had the privilege of being in the prayer circle-which was very large, and I don't think we would have felt inclined to join it had we not been in the default position to do so.  It was very sweet to stand there, once again feeling the emotion of connection with parents and grandparents who probably stood there so long ago.  The review of covenants and promises, the unity of prayer all added to my growing, overwhelming emotion that our family is in fact forever.

Idaho Falls Temple Celestial Room--see link below.

 As I stood at the veil to the celestial room, I was so overcome with the spirit I could barely say what was needed to be said.  The power and strength of those words are beyond the power of words to express.  I entered the celestial room, and gratefully Quin was the first thing I saw.  I quickly sought refuge in his embrace so I could weep, and try to bring under control the deep feelings that were overflowing in me.  After several minutes I was able to look around and actually take in the grandeur of the room.  It has murals depicting a heavenly realm with people sitting, standing and conversing.  I've seen pictures of some parts of the mural before, but didn't know this temple was the source.  The chandelier is stunning, (a different one than this picture I found online) and the table under it, Stephen told us, was relocated from storage at the SLC temple, and was crafted by Brigham Young! Here's a link to more pictures of the temple:

Idaho Falls temple interior pictures

It was so lovely to see Stephen, Teresia and Elizabeth there in the celestial room.  We enjoyed sharing our insights and thoughts about our time there that day, and just feeling the peace and tranquillity.  We noticed the 2 sealing rooms, that are open to the celestial room, and we stepped inside and looked at ourselves going on forever in those mirrors. It was so sweet.

Stephen, Teresia, Cindy and Quin

I loved lingering in the celestial room, but at length it was time to leave.  Most of the patrons had left, and as we left we noticed another sealing room outside the door, we stopped to comment, and I asked Stephen if that was the room our family was sealed in.  He said he didn't think he could remember.  As we were talking, I caught the eye of a temple worker and mentioned to him that our parents were sealed in this temple 57 years ago, and that my brother had been there, and we were wondering if it was in that room.  He said, "well, there is another room, not used much these days, but it was used a lot a long time ago when it was the biggest sealing room.  Would you like to see it?"  We all said "you bet we would!"  He then unclipped a rope and lead us up some stairs, and as it switched back Stephen said, "I remember these stairs..." Then we went into the room, and he said, "I remember those windows!"  Notably it was the only room we saw with windows.  We stepped inside the room, and all of us felt such a strong and wonderful feeling that this in fact was the place that our parents were sealed, and our family.  As I looked on the alter, how significant it was.  How grateful I am that our parents wanted to make covenants with God, and He in turn promised them blessings unmeasured, and a posterity who would be tied to them and their parents, and their parents parents forever.

It was such a simple thing.
But, it was a tender mercy for me, for us, to be in the temple that day.  I feel like going into that sealing room was a gift from Heavenly Father AND from my parents and grandparents.  I have always honored and respected the temple, but this day something extra happened.  I felt such an outpouring of love, and connection to my parents, grandparents, and to my brothers and sisters.  They are mine!  I am theirs.
WE are an eternal family!

Elizabeth, Stephen and Teresia

Cindy and Quin

Grandpa C. is Still Around!

I’ve had a rough week. Although Graduation is fast approaching, and our preparations for moving have started, Heather and I have been very stressed out. This adversity has given me pause this week as I’ve pondered what it is I need to learn from all of this. Certainly more humility can never hurt, but I didn’t think that that was what this was about.

On Saturday night, Heather and I were kind of doing our own things, but she out of the blue asked if I would watch “Heaven is for Real” with her. I reluctantly agreed. If you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It’s about a four-year-old boy who gets very sick and nearly dies. During an emergency surgery he leaves his body and enters what he believes is Heaven. He meets Jesus, and several family members who he has never met. Anyway, this story got Heather and I talking about life after death and the spirit world. She has a book called “The Message” by Lance Richardson. Lance suffered from several medical conditions, but took a turn for the worst on Christmas Day in 1998. He had two emergency surgeries, and after the second one, he was put into a drug-induced coma to help him heal faster. During his time in this comatose state, he left, and re-entered his body at least three different times. Each time he left his body, he passed through the veil into the spirit world, and was greeted by his deceased cousin who acted as an escort for him. He learned that several family members, especially his cousin had provided a lot of help to him from the spirit world throughout his life, and learned a lot of things about the spirit world that he had not previously understood (all of which are doctrinally correct as far as I can tell).

I heard about this book on Saturday night, and resolved to read it the next day. That night, I also remembered that tomorrow was Fast Sunday, and I felt a special urgency to do it right. I opened my fast before I went to bed, and all day the next day, I used my hunger pains to remind myself of the things I was fasting for. When Heather and I came home from church, I had completely forgotten about the book that I wanted to read. Heather gently reminded me of it before she took her Sunday nap. I got into it and just began eating it up. My hunger was completely forgotten. Heather slept, and I read for an hour and a half or two hours. I don’t really know how long it was. But when she woke up, she said she was going to make dinner. I then decided to break my fast. Part of my fast had been to understand the spirit world better, and how it applied to me personally. I won’t say that I’ve been struggling with my testimony, but I certainly have been struggling with complacency, and being too comfortable just getting by. I was reminded of a thought that has often crossed my mind that Grandpa C was watching me, and that he took a special interest in me, and that he cared about me and was helping me. I have had these feelings ever since he passed away when I was eight, and for some reason have felt a connection to him all my life. I decided to ask if he really was there, watching out for me, working to help me, and keep me on the straight and narrow. I was answered by an overwhelming feeling of peace, love and assurance. It brought me instantly to tears as I felt not only my Heavenly Father’s love for me, but also his love for Grandpa C., and very poignantly Grandpa C’s love for me, as well as his presence beside me. My eyes were gushing and I was quietly sobbing as the feelings overcame me. Grandpa was there. In my bedroom. Beside me. And not only was he there, he was helping me to continue that prayer. I asked for things I didn’t know I needed, and i asked for other things that I had been asking for for a long time, but had never asked for them in that way. The words were literally given to me. I had an open dialogue with Heavenly Father, and Grandpa was right there, teaching me what to say. I am sure that he received direction on what to teach me. I never felt him leave me though, until after the prayer. When I shared this with Heather, I cried all over again. This was probably the first time I had ever felt so close to Heavenly Father. When I had truly felt like I wasn’t just praying, but actually conversing with Him. It was amazing. It was marvelous.

English doesn’t really contain powerful enough words to describe how I was feeling, and am still feeling as I think about it. But I now know and understand this: Your connection to your family does not die when you die. In fact, you get to help them after you’ve passed on, in ways that you were never able to before you passed on. I know that Heavenly Father loves us enough to send help when we need it, and allows, even assigns deceased family members to help us through difficult times. The family bonds are perpetuated beyond the grave, and the sealing power is what holds all of us together. It’s bonds even transcend the veil, and do not even acknowledge death. We are a family, and while we are there for each other in this life, we will continue to be there for each other when not all of us are on this side of the veil. Parents help children, siblings help each other, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends that we only knew in the premortal world, they’re all there, rooting for us, and helping us.

This experience was intensely personal, spiritual, and emotional. I learned so much, gained so much understanding, and found things that I need to work on. It was a turning point. I have work to do. It was so reassuring to have this experience. God knows me. He knows what and who I need. He really is my Heavenly FATHER. I have always known the Gospel to be true. I have never doubted it. I have doubted myself, but I have never doubted the truths that I have been taught all my life. Today I was taught more truths. Truths that applied to me. Were for me. And I know without a doubt that it was planned. I was prepared for it. I was put into the right mindset to recognize it and be receptive to it. Heavenly Father knows how to help us out of the pits that we dig for ourselves, and he knows just how to help us make those decisions that will help us take the next step in our lives, whether it be our spiritual, physical, or emotional lives. He wants to help us. Can help us. Will help us if we make ourselves available to listen to his spirit, and those spirits that He chooses to help us. It’s an amazing privilege- one which I am humbled was granted to me.

I wanted to share this with you all because we’re family, and I felt that it would be good for the family to know. Grandpa C is still around and very much involved in our lives. Just like our other grandparents and relatives who have passed on. I would ask that you not share this experience with people outside the family casually. It was a sacred and personal experience. I love you all, and count myself beyond blessed to by your son, brother, brother-in-law, uncle. You guys have made me who I am, and I can’t thank you enough.

I’m excited to see all of you soon! :)

Things Only Children of a Veterinarian Would Understand

So I saw a funny blog post recently titled "things only children of doctors will understand" and while I could relate to some of them, I thought I should make one for children of veterinarians. And since it father's day was coming up, I thought I'd do it as a way to look back and realize just how much Dad has impacted our lives. It's not an awesome father's day gift, but I thought Dad and us siblings would at least be entertained and remember some of the good old days. So, here are 12 things that only children of veterinarians would understand. Happy father's day Dad!

1. “Not at the dinner table” was never said in relation to a gross conversation. Surgery was discussed, and bodily functions of both humans and animals were seen as normal topics. When friends or significant others visited for dinner it took a while to realize that your dinner conversations weren't normal.

2. “Doctor” and “Veterinarian” were basically synonymous. If you needed stitches, you probably got them while sitting on your kitchen counter. If you needed teeth pulled, they probably happened at the vet clinic after hours. Broken bone? They probably didn’t believe you until they took an x-ray of it themselves.

3. Getting sick only counted as sick if you were throwing up and your temperature was at least 100 degrees. If you didn't meet those requirements, you sucked it up because you were going to school.

4. You learned how to shut up. You could be in the middle of a great conversation, and their pager would go off, or their phone would ring, and it would be a client, and you learned how to be perfectly quiet and still while your parent explained what the problem was and how to go about treating it. You learned a lot of neat words that way too.

5. You know a lot of medical terms. “Dislocated” and “luxated” are the same thing. Posterior and anterior mean front and back, and if you heard more of them, you could guess what they mean.

6. They still always had other obscure medical words that they would use to win word games like scrabble or bananagrams, and when you challenged them on whether it was a real word, and looked it up, not only was it spelled right, but they practically quoted the definition to you when they told you what it meant (and once in a while they really did make up a word and a definition, and you didn’t challenge it).

7. You probably worked for them. You had the all-important job of walking dogs and feeding all the animals on the weekend, and cleaning up poop. And occasionally you did something that felt actually useful. Like help with blood work. Or urinalysis. Or holding a cat down so an injection could be given. Or laying on top of a dog that was not enjoying it’s mani-pedi.

8. Your friends ask you for advice on taking care of their pet. Or selecting a pet. And they think that since your parent is a vet, you know everything about animals. You let them think that. Unless it was really serious, in which case you gave them the vet clinic’s number because you have it memorized.

9. You’ve watched several surgeries, and you've even seen your own pet operated on. Every time you watch a surgery you wonder how they remember everything, you marvel at how perfectly and quickly they do everything, and you wonder how they got so good at sewing using only those clamp thingys to hold the needle.

10. You got to tag along when they were called to help an animal give birth. You’ve seen a few things that you’re not willing to tell your friends about regarding animal birth. There are some things that you never quite remove from memory.

11. You learned a new form of cleaning things, in which using hot water and soap were only the first step. The level of sterilization surprised you the first time you learned about it.

12. Those days in science class when you dissected things were your favorite days. And when you looked for organs, not only did you already know where to look, you knew about what it should look like. You always tried to be in a group of squeamish kids because they would always let you do the cutting, and it made you feel like you were doing surgery.