Rochelle's Talk from 10/15/17

Grey text is what I planned to share if I needed to use more time- I didn't. ;)

With God all things are possible- through prayer

In my life, I often notice a running theme connecting events and thoughts and feelings over several months. It is as if Heavenly Father wants me to really learn a principle thoroughly, and so it runs through my mind over and over like a mantra and I notice how everything happening to me seems to relate to that theme. Over the past couple of months, I have been thinking a lot about how prayer has facilitated so many positive changes in my life, and the phrase that has been running through my head is “With God all things are possible.” (Matt 19:26) I have been pondering how these two things are connected and would like to share some of my thoughts.

When I think about the phrase “With God all things are possible”, I am immediately reminded of Nephi’s explanation to us that it is always possible to be obedient to God’s commandments: 1 Ne 3:7 “I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.” We see how that played out many times in the Book of Mormon, and I know it is still true today. Our Heavenly Father is compassionate and he wants to see us succeed and be happy. He wants to bless us and he wants us to to learn an attitude of “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13

Here’s how I have seen this principle in action in my life: Historically, I have had a hard time with fasting, because of migraines and low blood sugar issues. Several years ago, I realized that after sequential pregnancies and nursing babies, and then just habit, I hadn’t fasted at all for years, and I found myself comfortable in the thought that “I just can’t fast”. I rationalized that it wasn’t really worth the consequences. However, it stayed on my mind and I felt a growing desire to have the blessings that come from fasting. Because of a testimony I heard one Fast Sunday, the thought occurred to me, with force, that Heavenly Father wanted to help me obey His commandments so that I could receive all the blessings He has in store for me. I was amazed! I had always thought that I just needed to power through it and prove to Heavenly Father that I wasn’t weak, and that would entitle me to His blessings. It had never before occurred to me to pray to be physically able to fast, and I certainly didn’t very fully understand the concept of Grace.  But as the next Fast Sunday approached, I decided to test this idea out.  I humbly expressed in prayer that I felt unable to fast on my own, but that I wanted to obey and that I knew God could give me the strength to fast.  I continued that prayer in my heart all that day, and miraculously, I was able to complete my fast, wrangling my toddlers at church and fulfilling my calling with none of the serious consequences I usually faced while fasting. I felt a lot of joy and gratitude in receiving this blessing and I know that Heavenly Father prepared a way for me to obey this commandment. All I had to do was ask for His help sincerely, with faith, and he made it physically possible to accomplish my fast. “With God all things are possible.”

I also think Heavenly Father makes the impossible possible when we choose to trust him. Proverbs 3:5-6 admonishes us “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” To me, trusting in the Lord means letting go of my pride, and my attachments to certain outcomes, and choosing to give my fears and worries to God instead of giving in to my anxieties.

About 9 years ago, we had the following experience: BJ had come down with a really awful stomach bug. He couldn't keep anything down for days.  I took him to the doctor and got him some nausea medication, but it wasn't helping at all. He was completely incapacitated and seemed worse each day. It was hard to see him suffering and be unable to do anything to ease his pain.  A couple nights in, I wanted call someone- anyone- who could give him a blessing, but by that time it was about 9pm and BJ didn't want me to "bother" anyone on his account.  We had recently moved to Springville, and we didn’t know many people yet. I had the number for one of our home teachers but this man was in the middle of a serious family crisis, and I didn't feel like I should call him.  I didn't know what to do.  BJ said that if he was still sick in the morning, I could call someone then.  My anxiety grew as BJ got weaker. There wasn’t much I could do, and worrying wasn’t helping, so I started praying fervently that we could get some help somehow, and that he could get a blessing.  I started preparing for the night, putting our young baby to bed, and cleaning up a bit, when the doorbell rang.  I thought about not answering the door, but decided to at least see who it was.  It was our other home teacher who I didn't know well, with another brother I vaguely recognized from church.  They were ward missionaries, and they were knocking at our door (at 9pm!) to see if we had any suggestions for them of people who they could visit.  They had had an impression that they should try our door. I told them about our situation, and they asked if they could come in and give BJ a blessing.  My heart soared. Those two kind brothers gave him a Priesthood blessing and went on their way.  BJ wasn't instantly better, but he was finally able to sleep, and was much improved in the morning.  I was so grateful that those two brothers knocked on our door, and that they were prepared to use their Priesthood.  I know my prayers were heard and answered that night. I knew that I had faith that a Priesthood blessing would help, but I didn’t know that Heavenly Father could send someone to give one without me doing all the legwork to get them there. But by trusting in the Lord, and not leaning to my own understanding, my testimony was increased more than it would have been otherwise, and BJ and I both felt that the situation was a tender mercy.

In the April General Conference this year, Sister Bonnie H. Cordon of the Primary General Presidency taught that we can cultivate trust in our Savior Jesus Christ by 1. Feasting on the words of Christ as we spend time in our scriptures, 2. Praying with all the energy of our hearts, and 3. Serving others.

I have spent a lot of time praying with all the energy of my heart, especially on behalf of my children, and for help with parenting, and I know my prayers have been answered, and that my Heavenly Parents support me in my role as a parent, whether with small issues or large. When I prayed about my potty trained 3 year old’s onset of unusual, frequent accidents and I couldn’t figure out the cause, I woke in the night with a clear understanding of the simple change I needed to make and a sense of peace that it would work out on it’s own. Another time,  I was tucking one of my kids into bed, and that child opened up about some hurtful things that had happened to him months previously, that I had been unaware of. My heart felt heavy about the way he had been treated. I felt inadequate to respond to the situation in a way that would validate my son’s feelings and encourage both self esteem and forgiveness of those who had been unkind. I said a quick prayer begging for help, and I heard words coming out of my mouth that weren’t really premeditated, that made a lot of sense, and brought a feeling of peace and love into the room. In his talk entitled “Perfect love casteth out fear” Elder Uchdorf said “The more I come to know my Heavenly Father, the more I see how He inspires and leads His children. He is not angry, vengeful, or retaliatory. His very purpose—His work and His glory—is to mentor us, exalt us, and lead us to His fulness.” I felt that I was mentored- or coached through the entire conversation with my son that night.

Elder David A. Bednar said, “As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon.

Consider the example in the Book of Mormon as Alma and his people are persecuted by Amulon. The voice of the Lord came to these good people in their affliction and indicated:

“I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs. …

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:14–15; emphasis added).

“What was changed in this episode? It was not the burden that changed; the challenges and difficulties of persecution were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity and strength made the burdens they bore lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents and impact their circumstances. And “in the strength of the Lord” Alma and his people were then directed to safety in the land of Zarahemla.” (The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality, Elder David A. Bednar, 2012)

I have felt this enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Earlier this year, my husband was without work for about 6 weeks and I knew it would be so easy to slip into despair. But I was blessed with faith and peace to know that everything would work out and we would be ok. Despite the stress of that experience, I never lost the feeling up being upheld by a power greater than my own will.  I know that feeling was facilitated by spending time in my scriptures and in heartfelt prayer.

I have also intentionally asked Heavenly Father to help me through tough situations by changing my perception of the situation to one that would allow me to better love the people I am dealing with, and also myself. This has allowed me to be happy on days where a difficult situation might have otherwise ruined the rest of my day.

I think we all have experiences that we can look back on and say, “I know my prayer was answered.” I also think it can be easy to get into a rut with our prayers, not really thinking about what we are saying, and just trying to check it off the list. But the more we cultivate a relationship with our Heavenly Father, the more meaningful and powerful our prayers become. And that leads us to trusting in the Lord, and seeing the impossible become possible with God.

“Cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day” (Alma 37:36–37).

President Gordon B. Hinckley observed: “The trouble with most of our prayers is that we give them as if we were picking up the telephone and ordering groceries—we place our order and hang up. We need to meditate, contemplate, think of what we are praying about and for and then speak to the Lord as one man speaketh to another.”

Elder Joseph B. Worthlin asked the following of us: “Do your prayers at times sound and feel the same? Have you ever said a prayer mechanically, the words pouring forth as though cut from a machine? Do you sometimes bore yourself as you pray? Will prayers that do not demand much of your thought merit much attention from our Heavenly Father? When you find yourself getting into a routine with your prayers, step back and think. Meditate for a while on the things for which you really are grateful. Look for them. They don’t have to be grand or glorious. Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one’s voice.”

Under the “Prayer” heading on lds.org it says:

“Personal, private prayer is an essential part of our spiritual development. At least every morning and every night, we should find a place that is free from distractions and kneel in humility and commune with our Heavenly Father. Although sometimes we may need to pray silently, we should make an extra effort at times to pray vocally. We should seek the guidance of the Holy Ghost so we will know what to include in our prayers. The Holy Ghost can teach us to pray and guide us in the things we say (see Romans 8:26). He can help us pray “according to the will of God”. Prayer is two-way communication. As we close our prayers, we should take time to pause and listen. At times, Heavenly Father will counsel, guide, or comfort us while we are on our knees.”

I think it is worth noting that we are to pray “according to the will of God.” With God all things are possible, but sometimes it is his will to answer with a “no”. Do we trust in the Lord enough to accept that “no”?

Just a couple weeks ago Elder Hallstrom spoke in conference about this topic. He said:

“King Nebuchadnezzar demanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego worship the golden image he set up as a god, threatening, “If ye worship not, ye shall be cast … into the midst of a burning fiery furnace.” Then he taunted them with “Who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?”

These three devout disciples said: “If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace. … But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods.”

They possessed full confidence that God could save them, “but if not,” they had complete faith in His plan.

Similarly, Elder David A. Bednar once asked a young man who had requested a priesthood blessing, “If it is the will of our Heavenly Father that you are transferred by death in your youth to the spirit world to continue your ministry, do you have the faith to submit to His will and not be healed?” Do we have the faith “not [to] be healed” from our earthly afflictions so we might be healed eternally?”

Yesterday I had the opportunity to hear a woman and mother my age share her story of fighting a recurring cancer and her spiritual journey as she did so. She had many wise insights, but what really impacted me was her advice to those dealing with adversity. She said that in that hard moment, the number one important thing was to hold on to the iron rod, and that instead of listening to the doubts and fears that Satan would have us believe, we should ask ourselves, “What are the tender mercies in this moment?” and “How is God carrying me?”

I know that God loves us, and that he wants the best for us. I know that we are strengthened and enabled to do all things according to His will if we choose to put our trust in him. I have a testimony of the power of prayer and I know that developing a closer relationship with our Father in Heaven through prayer will increase our happiness and personal peace.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Two Great Commandments, and the Two Lost Sons

28 And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?

29 And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:

30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

I’ve been on a journey of trying to understand how love affects our daily actions. Today, I’d like to share with you a little that I have learned, and what I am seeking to learn.

Some years ago I read a book that was very impactful to me. It spoke of the three characters in the story of the prodigal son. And now, every time I sin, every time I find myself upset or acting un-Christlike, I examine my heart, and invariably, I find that I have acted like one of those two sons in that story.

At times I see in myself the younger son, the son who asked for his inheritance while his father yet lived, who sought only to take care of himself and his selfish wants and desires. He spent all he had, never thinking about others and only about himself.

At times, I see in myself the older son. The older son usually did what he was supposed to, but he lacked love for either his father or his brother. He did what he was supposed to because it served him to do so. He was similar to the pharisees in that he kept the law, but his heart was not right with God. So what sins did he commit? He was angry. He expected perfection from himself and from others around him, and if they fell short, he had no compassion for them. He is similar to Javert from Les Mis who could see no good in Jean Valjean, and believed there was no redemption for any who had “fallen”.

It seems to me that nearly all sin could fall into one of these two camps: that of the younger or older son. And after examining my own heart, I’ve gained a testimony of fact that truly all of the commandments and all of the teachings of the prophets hang on these two commandments: to love God and to love our neighbors.

For example, the other morning Rochelle and I woke up later than we should have. She started getting ready, and I went to get the kids going. I explained to them that we were running late and that they needed to hurry. The kids said they would start getting ready, and I went to go get myself ready. I’m in charge of driving them to school each day on my way to work. After getting myself dressed, I went to check in on the kids only to discover not a lot of progress had been made. I had already expressed to them that we were running late, but this time I made it very clear that we were going to be late and they needed to hurry. Well, after getting my shoes on and my teeth brushed, again when I went to check on the kids, and I hope you won’t judge me too harshly for this, but I lost my temper. I didn’t want to be late, because being late means I have to get out of the car and go in with them to sign them in, which makes me even later to work. Now, so you don’t worry too much about me, I did later apologise and expressed my love to them, but still I felt like I needed to look deeply within my own heart and repent of what I had done. Now, I ask of you to consider with me, which of the two sons did I see in my heart that morning? It turns out that day it was the older son. The son that was bent on perfection, and lacked compassion for others. That morning, I was the older son, and I didn’t have enough love in my heart. Since then, I have been repenting of that. It is a work in progress. I’m not perfect yet, but I am improving.

At other times, I see the younger son in my actions, and likewise I find that I am lacking enough love in my heart during those times.

Love brings peace. In Mosiah 18:21-22 the prophet Alma teaches: “And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another. And thus he commanded them to preach. And thus they became the children of God.”

Nowhere in the scriptures does a people more exemplify this unity and commitment than in 4th Nephi: “And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people.”

So, I ask you: how can we be more like them? It’s interesting to me, that in both of these verses, it starts with having love in the hearts of the people, and then from that comes peace. Moroni teaches us that “the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also”.

So when we have peace in our hearts, it’s easier to create peace in our homes, and in our communities. Using my earlier example, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was kinda upset with myself for oversleeping. At the time, I thought to myself, well, sure, I overslept, but if I hurry, we can still make it on time. Of course, my kids didn’t exactly see why my mistake should equate to a rushed morning for them, so they didn’t exactly comply. Consequently, my frustration with myself quickly turned into frustration with them. So what could I have done differently? I could have admitted that I was human, and that I made a mistake. If I had admitted my mistake to myself I wouldn’t have felt the need to try and be perfect and not be late, and being late would be a natural consequence from my mistake. Of course, I would have still hurried, but I wouldn’t blame my kids for what was clearly my mistake. And since I understood that I made mistakes and needed mercy, I would have been quick to give mercy to my own children. So, peace in my home could have started with the peace that was in my heart.

Now, on that morning, I didn’t have peace in my heart, and my family didn’t have peace. But since that time, I have practiced this, and there has been more peace in my home, even on mornings where we have overslept.

In another example, I’m somebody who, maybe like some of you, has no shortage of opinions when it comes to politics. I learned fairly quickly that talking about politics often leads to contention. I personally struggled with how there could be a people who “had no contention among them”. What did that mean? Did that mean they all agreed? On everything? How? How was that possible? But in time, I have come to see it a little differently.

I once got into a conversation with a friend of mine, and quickly found that we have very different points of view on a fairly hot button topic. I was more interested in being right than I was in showing compassion. I felt like I could somehow prove it to him. He said some hurtful things to me, and I said things that I regretted as well. Later, as I considered the conversation, I seriously considered no longer talking politics with people. I wondered if this was how the Nephites managed to have peace. Did they just not talk about things they disagreed about? I didn’t feel settled with this. The answer didn’t come all at once. In fact, it has taken me a long time to understand this. When you approach a conversation with the intent to be heard, but not to listen, you are acting like the younger brother. He only heard what he wanted to hear. He thought he was right, and didn’t care to hear what others had to say. Ok, but what was the right thing to do? The right thing is start with love in your heart for the other person and then to speak less and listen more. Ask questions. Try to understand why they believe in what they believe. If they don’t want to understand you, then nothing you say will help that, but if you set the precedent of listening to them first there is a good chance they will listen to you as well. And even if they don’t, you are both still better off for the experience.

I believe that this is how the Nephite’s had no contention. When you love the other person enough to listen to them, how can you have contention? You can’t. And if both sides truly understood the other, it seems like they could find compromises much more easily.

In the story of the prodigal son, two sons are mentioned, and we can learn from their separate paths of going astray, but Christ also showed us a better way. In 3 Nephi 12, it reads (skipping around a little):

“And blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. And blessed are all the pure in heart, for they shall see God. And blessed are all the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. And if any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also;And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn thou not away.And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m not there yet. I have work to do. So what do we do when we find we have been acting without love in our hearts? We repent. Frequent repentance has been a key for me in learning to have love in my heart. The process of repentance helps me to return home as the younger brother did, and it also helps me put off the arrogance of the elder brother because, how can you be judgemental and arrogant when you are in the process of acknowledging you are wrong in some aspect of your life?

Neal A. Maxwell taught:

“For some months, I’ve tried to emphasize repentance, one of the most vital and merciful doctrines of the kingdom. It is too little understood, too little applied by us all, as if it were merely a word on a bumper sticker. Since we have been told clearly by Jesus what manner of men and women we ought to become—even as He is (see 3 Ne. 27:27)—how can we do so, except each of us employs repentance as the regular means of personal progression? Personal repentance is part of taking up the cross daily. (See Luke 9:23.) Without it, clearly there could be no “perfecting of the Saints.” (Eph. 4:12.)”

Daily repentance can be difficult. I find myself repenting of similar or same issues quite frequently, but that doesn’t mean the repentance isn’t worth while. As long as it is sincere, and we truly want to change, daily repentance is a positive force in our lives. It helps us to change. Not all at once, of course, but step by step. And of course, praying to God for His help in repenting is a powerful thing. Sometimes, I find myself knowing I need to repent, but not even being quite sure what I did wrong, but just knowing I did something wrong. God answers those prayers too. He helps us see our own hearts as He sees them. I’ve never asked God “what did I do wrong?” and have been disappointed. Not because He loves showing us our shortcomings, but because He loves to help us draw closer to Him.

Brothers and sisters, God loves each of us. He awaits anxiously for each of us to return home. And I know that when I succeed at choosing to love rather than choosing to act like one of the two brothers, I feel the peace of God in my heart. The scriptures are true. The gospel is true. I bear my witness of this, and it is my humble prayer that we can all learn to be more like the Savior, a little more each day.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Speaking of Blessings...

So, I don't know about the rest of ya'll, but I'm having some serious family withdrawals. Miss you all!

The conversation we had on Sunday night was one of the highlights of the trip for me. It was so nice to hear from everyone (except Collin and Alyssa... we still need to hear from you guys!) about what's going on in everyone's life. We have all been on the receiving end of so many blessings!

I don't know if you all remember how I was pretty excited to have a new job working for a guy who has an appreciation for what I do. It has been so refreshing! I also talked about how I'm staying with my main job with the physical therapy company despite the fact that most of the higher-ups would just as soon see me go. Well, thankfully, now I'm doing just that.

Let me back up a little bit now. I've been feeling for quite a while that my time with them has been drawing to a close, and frankly, it has really stressed me out. I've been looking for a job, but it's discouraging to do that, since there is very little demand for the type of work I do here in the Tri-Cities. However, last week on Thursday (the day before we went down to Oregon), I was leaving work, and I had the distinct impression to check Craigslist when I got home. I thought that was funny, because Craigslist is the worst job board for marketing-type positions in the tri-cities. So I was doing the whole, "was that me, or actually the spirit?" thing.

Anyway, later that night, I came back to me pretty forcefully, and the computer was right there, so why not? I got to craigslist, and clicked on the marketing job postings, and just as I thought, there were like four postings, all of which were actually commissions-based sales jobs. But then I checked the web developer section. It was equally short, but the last entry caught my attention. They were asking for someone to do something that was almost exactly what I do at the PT office, with a few extras. But there was no phone number, no name, not even a hint as to what industry it was in, and it was two weeks old. All of those are red flags. For some reason, I didn't care. I fired off an email, despite both Heather and I saying something to the effect of, "that's sketchy as, and even if it's not, that post is too old for them to not have hired someone already."

The next morning, I hadn't heard from them, and I realized that I hadn't sent them my resume, so I sent that along too. Then we left for Oregon, and I forgot about it. Honestly, I didn't think anything would come of it, and that it was all just a big coincidence that I found that job posting. I didn't hear anything all week. Then on Monday, after we arrived home, I received an email. They were interested and wanted me to call their office to set up an interview. I also found out in that email that the company was a personal injury law firm (which I wasn't really that excited about because of my last experience with a law firm).

Anyway, I called them before closing on Tuesday, but they didn't answer and I left a message. I didn't from them the next morning, which in any other case I would have just taken as a sign that they weren't that interested, and dropped it. But I kept receiving spiritual nudges, so I called them again around lunch time on Wednesday. I was transferred to the main guy and talked to him for a little bit, before he invited me to their office for a formal interview the next day.

Again, I was thinking that this would be good practice for the job search or something, so I didn't get my hopes up for anything real to come of it. I showed up for the interview the next day, and it went great. The guy turned out to be LDS, and he explained the job to me. I'd be managing their website, creating video, and taking photos. My favorite question he asked me was, "are you good with photography?" Anyway, the job was full time, with full benefits (insurance, 401k, paid vacation time, etc.), and they were asking me what kind of computer I preferred. He told me that they were ok with me not being a total expert, and that they wanted me to grow into my position, and that raises would come regularly, and that they'd even pay for online courses should the need arise for me to learn something new that they needed. Basically, I couldn't ask for a better gig.

He told me that he still needed to talk to his business partner, but sounded confident that they would offer me the job, and told me to expect a call either that day or the next. As I left that office, I just sat in my car and thanked Heavenly Father. I felt very confident that I would be getting that job offer, and I just had this sense of peace and relief wash over me. It was such a powerful experience to be thanking God and feeling His love wash over me.

I did not hear from them that night. However, the next morning (Friday), I was sitting on the couch with Treyson on my lap watching the Piano Guys when my phone rang. They offered me the job, and gave me two weeks to wrap things up. I put in my two weeks notice later that day, which they graciously accepted, and congratulated me on my new job. I start it on June 12. I will be able to continue to consult for the PT office, and I will be able to continue to work with the insurance guy as well, since that will become a maintenance job very soon.

This Job fell into my lap. I feel so good about it, so directed to it. There were so many reasons why it shouldn't have panned out. But here I am, starting a new job that I'm just positive will bring the stability that I've always wanted to provide for my family.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that with ya'll! God's methods and timing can seem illogical, but they are always perfect. I am so thankful for His presence and guidance!

Love you all!

Remember, Remember

This past week I have been preparing to teach my Sunday School lesson, and thinking about the talk O Remember, Remember by Elder Henry B. Eyring. I remember when he gave the talk that I was very touched, and I felt motivated to do as he asked, but it was hard to remember to take time to think about it!  He said if we took time to think back over our day, and ask the questions "Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? " the Holy Ghost would help us to remember those things.  His talk was given in 2007, and I kind of morphed Elder Bednar's talk from 2005 The Tender Mercies of the Lord into Elder Eyring's talk to try to see the "tender mercies" of God in my daily life and remember to look for them.

The problem was I didn't write those experiences down, and I found it easy to get out of the habit to "remember" in my prayers.  In January 2013, I had a resurgence of desire to do as Elders Eyring and Bednar had counselled, when I read a book called Happier, by Tal Ben-Shahar.  As I read the book, I once again remembered their council, and coupled with the books admonitions, I started a journal and wrote 3-5 things each day that I was happy about.  Looking back over the pages brings back some nice memories, and I'm happy to remember them.  The journal doesn't however, answer the 2 questions Elder Eyring asked.  I wrote regularly, nearly daily from January through the beginning of March, sporadically through May, and then for some reason I forgot to keep it going.

Maybe I was missing something, something deeper than just writing, and remembering to be grateful...

In pondering this talk this week, I thought, "I just simply don't think to ask Heavenly Father to show me his hand in my life, and I don't remember to take time to look for his hand on my own."  I do usually review my day in my prayers, and I thank God for my blessings of the day.  I appreciate his influence when it's been very obvious, but it takes time to think about the subtle occurrences when his hand is there. I'm usually asleep before that can happen.

So my first thought to help me in this desire to remember was, "how can I just remember to think about the questions, and how can I help my class want to think about them?"  I decided a picture on my night stand might be useful.  I'm not one to make fancy handouts for classes, but I decided this might be an worthwhile exception.  So I asked Rochelle to design something for me using her graphic design talent.  She responded very quickly, and I had it printed at Walgreens.  How easy was that?!
That's her design at the top of this blog post-Thanks Rochelle!

The most important point I began pondering was, how did I personally see his hand in my life that day?  I think I tend to get bogged down looking for a "tender mercy", or something that's really profound, and apparent.  I tend to notice those things easily, and they do happen to me, but I wouldn't say it's an everyday occurrence.  In looking back on that journal, out of many line entries I saw only a  handful of times where I'd say a tender mercy was noted--like when I hesitated in going through a green light, and then a car went speeding through a red light and I slammed on my breaks and missed hitting him, and most of all I wasn't hit! Oh, and there's the time my sister Helen answered the phone at THE EXACT moment I needed her to guide me through Portland, avoiding some terrible traffic, with an alternate route to the airport to pick up Cara.  That's what I call "tender mercies" for sure.  Those things are easy to spot, and are so important to acknowledge, but I don't think Elder Eyring was talking about those things only.

Last night, before I prayed I thought about my day.  I reviewed it and realized my great blessings.  I really liked my day, I went on a walk with Quin/Dad, it was so beautiful. I enjoyed my scripture study, I enjoyed my granddaughter Lacey, also Marissa and Richard when they came over.  It was all so pleasant, and yet I asked "How did the Lord manifest his hand in my day? Did he have a message that was just for me?" I didn't feel I had the answer--though I felt such gratitude.  Later when I prayed, I asked the question, "Heavenly Father how did you manifest your hand in my life today"  Then I began reviewing my day again.  This time my mind was more open and clear.  I believe, as Elder Eyring said, the Holy Ghost showed me specifically the answer to my question.

My thoughts went something like this:  "remember when you were reading the scriptures, and you felt a tenderness in your heart for the prophet Isaiah's writings?  Remember how you told Quin how your attitude about Isaiah had changed over the years, and how you had come to love his writings so much? That tender feeling in your heart was my hand in your life.  Remember how at dinner, you and Quin were talking about your day, and how close you felt to each other?  That understanding and closeness was my hand.  Lastly, and this one I wouldn't have know had I not been praying--to the question  Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? " came this thought: remember when Marissa sent you a text saying how much she appreciated you taking care of Lacey, rubbing her feet and talking to her about her class when they came over?  That was my hand helping you to help her." 

What I did was just a mother thing, I didn't think too much about it at the time, but the spirit helped me to know that after a hard week with a sick toddler, it meant much more to Marissa.  That made me feel an even deeper gratitude than I had felt when I received the text. After I closed my prayer, I felt such a feeling of peace and joy because I understood God's influence in my life in these seemingly common place events of the day.  Knowing that His influence is in the small things has deep significance to me. It makes me think the journal Elder Eyring spoke of would hold a much stronger hold on me and my posterity than just the recited events of the day that I'm grateful for.

I don't know if I can sustain a habit of journalling like Elder Eyring did.  I know I'd like to. I understand that we show God that we value his inspiration when we write it down, because it will help us remember  Him time and time again that way.  I'd like to journal, but more than that, I know I want to feel things deeper. I want my prayers to be more communicative--not just a recitation of the days good events, or acknowledgements of my sins and short comings, and asking for blessings. I know it's important to be grateful and to repent daily, but I understand now that these questions are tools to help us feel these things deeper, and communicate on a deeper level.  It's in the asking of the right questions, and then opening up enough to be shown the answers that we come to understand the evidence of God's hand in our lives.

"Did God send a message that was just for me? 
Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? "

I hope my bedside picture helps me remember.  
---

Here's an inspiring video of the highlights of Elder Eyring's talk, 
https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ss/godhead/hand?lang=eng#video=o-remember-remember

and another video of the highlights of Elder Bednar's talk, both referenced above.
https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ss/godhead/hand?lang=eng#video=the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord

Hearts Turned and Connected to the Fathers

Quin and I at Taylor Cemetery in Shelley Idaho

Knowing that our motivations for traveling to Rexburg and Idaho Falls area were diminishing after Tayler graduation from BYU-I July 23. 2014, I felt a compelling urge to visit our family cemetery.  I felt ready to revisit my tender feelings from those internment days 8 years ago, and I wanted to stand on hallowed ground. So on Jully 24, pioneer day we spent quite a day connecting to our heritage and past.

At the cemetery I did feel a spirit of reverence for the spot, even a sense of closeness to my parents, but I didn't want to, or need to linger on the past, or my lonely heart. I just wanted to drink in the moment, and then move forward.   I noticed the nearby headstones of grandparents, greats, and uncles and aunts.  Stephen and Teresia and Elizabeth were there with us, and we shared a few thoughts and stories too.

I spent a few extra moments at this headstone.  Stephen commented, wondering how the headstone did not have ESTHER Lavada--her whole name engraved there.  He explained that Elizabeth was her name sake, in that her middle name Esther was from this grandmother, our mother's mother. Interestingly, Elizabeth hadn't made that connection, and it was a meaningful moment for her.  I reflected that I was also her namesake, in a way.  Mother told me that though she was expecting me at the time of her mother's death, she had not told her mother yet, as it was so early.  She told me that I knew her mother-- in Heaven before I was born, and that she loved me. I was named Cindy Lou because Grandma loved that name.  She thought it was so cute, and she had suggested it for Susan and Helen-- to no avail!  Giving me that name gave my Mother, and I both a special connection to her mother who I never knew--at least in this life.  I felt a special closeness to this Grandma as I stood there looking at her marker. We only posed at two tombstones for pictures, I don't now why--maybe it was a Mom and Grandma day...

Quin and I by the Petersen marker.

After the cemetery, and some sight seeing around Shelley, and a really fantastic breakfast at Mick's Diner, we went to Rexburg to help Tayler and Heather move out of their apartment.  Our plans for the day were framed around helping them, and after lunch we realized that we could actually fit in one other plan-going to the Idaho Falls temple.  I have been wanting to attend a session in that temple for 6 years--since before Tayler went on his mission, and began attending BYU-I.  I saw my opportunity diminishing, and the yearning to do it that day was particularly strong.  I called Stephen and Teresia, and though they had just taken Elizabeth's kids up to Wolverine to swim in the "crick", and they were hot and dusty, they would meet us for a 6:30 session.

I'm so glad we have the habit of always carrying our recommends, and though we didn't have our own temple clothes, we had church clothes and we were able to go through the door.  I felt like a child staring and drinking in every bit of architecture and decorating that I could from the moment I walked through the door, and throughout the evening.  It is so very beautiful there.  It is peaceful and quiet and lovely.  More than these feelings however, was a very deep emotion hard to describe, but having everything to do with the fact that my parents and my family were sealed together for time and ALL eternity 57 years ago.  Stephen was my connection to the past that day, and the spirit was filling my heart, my soul with an understanding of how significant and meaningful that knowledge is.

 

 Today, I found this picture of my family, the day they were sealed in the temple.  There's Grandpa Petersen, Spencer, my mother Byrle who is holding Susan, my Dad Quinn, Kathi, Stephen and Grandma--Esther Lavada Petersen.  I found it interesting that I was drawn to linger at their tombstone that morning.

Inside the temple, we discovered that we were ready a half hour before the actual session started.  This gave us some extra time to read scriptures and ponder in the chapel as we waited--and to be selected to be the witness couple.  What we thought was an extremely small session at 6:30, turned into a very large one by 7 PM of 60 or 70 people, so we were actually pretty glad we were at the front!  We progressed through the endowment session, moving through 4 rooms (the content of the endowment is the same in all the temples, but there they stop it 4 times  to move into new rooms for the presentation).  As we did this, I kept thinking my parents walked in here, they saw these murals, they stood in this place on that day so long ago.  We had the privilege of being in the prayer circle-which was very large, and I don't think we would have felt inclined to join it had we not been in the default position to do so.  It was very sweet to stand there, once again feeling the emotion of connection with parents and grandparents who probably stood there so long ago.  The review of covenants and promises, the unity of prayer all added to my growing, overwhelming emotion that our family is in fact forever.

Idaho Falls Temple Celestial Room--see link below.

 As I stood at the veil to the celestial room, I was so overcome with the spirit I could barely say what was needed to be said.  The power and strength of those words are beyond the power of words to express.  I entered the celestial room, and gratefully Quin was the first thing I saw.  I quickly sought refuge in his embrace so I could weep, and try to bring under control the deep feelings that were overflowing in me.  After several minutes I was able to look around and actually take in the grandeur of the room.  It has murals depicting a heavenly realm with people sitting, standing and conversing.  I've seen pictures of some parts of the mural before, but didn't know this temple was the source.  The chandelier is stunning, (a different one than this picture I found online) and the table under it, Stephen told us, was relocated from storage at the SLC temple, and was crafted by Brigham Young! Here's a link to more pictures of the temple:

Idaho Falls temple interior pictures

It was so lovely to see Stephen, Teresia and Elizabeth there in the celestial room.  We enjoyed sharing our insights and thoughts about our time there that day, and just feeling the peace and tranquillity.  We noticed the 2 sealing rooms, that are open to the celestial room, and we stepped inside and looked at ourselves going on forever in those mirrors. It was so sweet.

Stephen, Teresia, Cindy and Quin

I loved lingering in the celestial room, but at length it was time to leave.  Most of the patrons had left, and as we left we noticed another sealing room outside the door, we stopped to comment, and I asked Stephen if that was the room our family was sealed in.  He said he didn't think he could remember.  As we were talking, I caught the eye of a temple worker and mentioned to him that our parents were sealed in this temple 57 years ago, and that my brother had been there, and we were wondering if it was in that room.  He said, "well, there is another room, not used much these days, but it was used a lot a long time ago when it was the biggest sealing room.  Would you like to see it?"  We all said "you bet we would!"  He then unclipped a rope and lead us up some stairs, and as it switched back Stephen said, "I remember these stairs..." Then we went into the room, and he said, "I remember those windows!"  Notably it was the only room we saw with windows.  We stepped inside the room, and all of us felt such a strong and wonderful feeling that this in fact was the place that our parents were sealed, and our family.  As I looked on the alter, how significant it was.  How grateful I am that our parents wanted to make covenants with God, and He in turn promised them blessings unmeasured, and a posterity who would be tied to them and their parents, and their parents parents forever.

It was such a simple thing.
But, it was a tender mercy for me, for us, to be in the temple that day.  I feel like going into that sealing room was a gift from Heavenly Father AND from my parents and grandparents.  I have always honored and respected the temple, but this day something extra happened.  I felt such an outpouring of love, and connection to my parents, grandparents, and to my brothers and sisters.  They are mine!  I am theirs.
WE are an eternal family!

Elizabeth, Stephen and Teresia

Cindy and Quin

Grandpa C. is Still Around!

I’ve had a rough week. Although Graduation is fast approaching, and our preparations for moving have started, Heather and I have been very stressed out. This adversity has given me pause this week as I’ve pondered what it is I need to learn from all of this. Certainly more humility can never hurt, but I didn’t think that that was what this was about.

On Saturday night, Heather and I were kind of doing our own things, but she out of the blue asked if I would watch “Heaven is for Real” with her. I reluctantly agreed. If you haven’t seen this movie, you should. It’s about a four-year-old boy who gets very sick and nearly dies. During an emergency surgery he leaves his body and enters what he believes is Heaven. He meets Jesus, and several family members who he has never met. Anyway, this story got Heather and I talking about life after death and the spirit world. She has a book called “The Message” by Lance Richardson. Lance suffered from several medical conditions, but took a turn for the worst on Christmas Day in 1998. He had two emergency surgeries, and after the second one, he was put into a drug-induced coma to help him heal faster. During his time in this comatose state, he left, and re-entered his body at least three different times. Each time he left his body, he passed through the veil into the spirit world, and was greeted by his deceased cousin who acted as an escort for him. He learned that several family members, especially his cousin had provided a lot of help to him from the spirit world throughout his life, and learned a lot of things about the spirit world that he had not previously understood (all of which are doctrinally correct as far as I can tell).

I heard about this book on Saturday night, and resolved to read it the next day. That night, I also remembered that tomorrow was Fast Sunday, and I felt a special urgency to do it right. I opened my fast before I went to bed, and all day the next day, I used my hunger pains to remind myself of the things I was fasting for. When Heather and I came home from church, I had completely forgotten about the book that I wanted to read. Heather gently reminded me of it before she took her Sunday nap. I got into it and just began eating it up. My hunger was completely forgotten. Heather slept, and I read for an hour and a half or two hours. I don’t really know how long it was. But when she woke up, she said she was going to make dinner. I then decided to break my fast. Part of my fast had been to understand the spirit world better, and how it applied to me personally. I won’t say that I’ve been struggling with my testimony, but I certainly have been struggling with complacency, and being too comfortable just getting by. I was reminded of a thought that has often crossed my mind that Grandpa C was watching me, and that he took a special interest in me, and that he cared about me and was helping me. I have had these feelings ever since he passed away when I was eight, and for some reason have felt a connection to him all my life. I decided to ask if he really was there, watching out for me, working to help me, and keep me on the straight and narrow. I was answered by an overwhelming feeling of peace, love and assurance. It brought me instantly to tears as I felt not only my Heavenly Father’s love for me, but also his love for Grandpa C., and very poignantly Grandpa C’s love for me, as well as his presence beside me. My eyes were gushing and I was quietly sobbing as the feelings overcame me. Grandpa was there. In my bedroom. Beside me. And not only was he there, he was helping me to continue that prayer. I asked for things I didn’t know I needed, and i asked for other things that I had been asking for for a long time, but had never asked for them in that way. The words were literally given to me. I had an open dialogue with Heavenly Father, and Grandpa was right there, teaching me what to say. I am sure that he received direction on what to teach me. I never felt him leave me though, until after the prayer. When I shared this with Heather, I cried all over again. This was probably the first time I had ever felt so close to Heavenly Father. When I had truly felt like I wasn’t just praying, but actually conversing with Him. It was amazing. It was marvelous.

English doesn’t really contain powerful enough words to describe how I was feeling, and am still feeling as I think about it. But I now know and understand this: Your connection to your family does not die when you die. In fact, you get to help them after you’ve passed on, in ways that you were never able to before you passed on. I know that Heavenly Father loves us enough to send help when we need it, and allows, even assigns deceased family members to help us through difficult times. The family bonds are perpetuated beyond the grave, and the sealing power is what holds all of us together. It’s bonds even transcend the veil, and do not even acknowledge death. We are a family, and while we are there for each other in this life, we will continue to be there for each other when not all of us are on this side of the veil. Parents help children, siblings help each other, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends that we only knew in the premortal world, they’re all there, rooting for us, and helping us.

This experience was intensely personal, spiritual, and emotional. I learned so much, gained so much understanding, and found things that I need to work on. It was a turning point. I have work to do. It was so reassuring to have this experience. God knows me. He knows what and who I need. He really is my Heavenly FATHER. I have always known the Gospel to be true. I have never doubted it. I have doubted myself, but I have never doubted the truths that I have been taught all my life. Today I was taught more truths. Truths that applied to me. Were for me. And I know without a doubt that it was planned. I was prepared for it. I was put into the right mindset to recognize it and be receptive to it. Heavenly Father knows how to help us out of the pits that we dig for ourselves, and he knows just how to help us make those decisions that will help us take the next step in our lives, whether it be our spiritual, physical, or emotional lives. He wants to help us. Can help us. Will help us if we make ourselves available to listen to his spirit, and those spirits that He chooses to help us. It’s an amazing privilege- one which I am humbled was granted to me.

I wanted to share this with you all because we’re family, and I felt that it would be good for the family to know. Grandpa C is still around and very much involved in our lives. Just like our other grandparents and relatives who have passed on. I would ask that you not share this experience with people outside the family casually. It was a sacred and personal experience. I love you all, and count myself beyond blessed to by your son, brother, brother-in-law, uncle. You guys have made me who I am, and I can’t thank you enough.

I’m excited to see all of you soon! :)