fame and tranquility...
I found it surprising that I could become angrier at the world. It's a common enough thing that people often have their perception of self-worth tied inextricably with their state of employment. The shocker was that I find being free of engagement being infuriating. It's become a situation that is driving my hostility towards the world at large towards an increasingly difficult to manage intensity.
I wonder if it's because I have always prided myself as somehow being better than everyone else. That said, the expectation of gaining easy employment is somewhat contradictory to that position - why should I, if I disdain the human standard, be at all comfortable with working for another? At the very least, I should start gathering my world-domination kit together, no?
In recent years, I feel I have drifted into the position of quiet obsolecence. If there was a saying, I don't know it, so I'll just make it up. Heroes and happiness are not part of the same equation. I think that, to make any significant change in the world, you necessarily have to give up on personal happiness; do not confuse this with satisfaction.
I often drift between flashes of the contented, if selfish, life of a 9 to 5 job with all the plum luxuries and dying a tired old stereotype, to starting a world-shattering doomsday cult (and to be honest, which of them aren't?) and tearing down the travesty that we call civilisation. At the end, I think it most comfortable to be somewhere in the middle. To wield sufficient influence to destroy several lives on a whim, but not so much to attract a lot of unwanted attention.
Fame and tranquility can never be bedfellows.
-Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
