resolutions...

Comes the time of year when people start making lists of incredulously stupid and senseless things that they want done by, or throughout, the following year. Oh, great indeed is the lure to make resolutions to make ourselves better people, and a most commendable thing indeed, to resolve to do things that are nigh impossible to achieve. Kind of like having a non-gatal Asy. Or a sexy Jin.

In the spirit of the festivities, I will now proceed to jot down my own list of unnecessary (in that I'm already perfect. Aha!) accessories to my already complicated life for the first time. Yes, the first time.

~Sculpt. As in, myself.

~Talk less. As in, all the time.

~Walk more, drive less.

~Eat less, drink less.

~Write more, cook more, bake more.

~Be more attentive, be less assertive.

~Become deadly mysterious.

~Keep my warranty valid.

~Spend only half of what I get.

~Look good naked, but stay single.

~Be deadly efficient.

~Stop making lists like this.

Meh.

can you spell tragic?

And then, you can say selfish, insufferable, ingrate, worthless, pathetic, and mush. Then apply them liberally to me.

Of course, you can add more, if you can think of any.

Me, I'm just horrendously horrified at myself.

christmas...

Yup. I was right. It's not the same anymore. Christmas this year is much like every other year. Except, watered down. Kinda like drinking watery beer. Except I don't like beer.

I suppose, I can't complain. It certainly has been better, but it's likely that the years have caught up. Eventually, it will all look funny in retrospect.

Merry Christmas to all. Have fun, and don't drive while intoxicated.

christmas eve...

You'd think on the eve of my 18th Christmas, I'd be out partying like an insane gadoodle. Apparently, I'm not. Not that I wasn't invited, mind you, but more like a series of miscommunications. Oh well.

Time to reflect on what I've learnt since LAST Christmas.

~I've learnt what recipocrated love is like.

~I realised that a parent of a graduate and his or her money is soon parted.

~I used to look like a retarded pumpkin in glasses. And now, according to Dad, I look like some anime character. Weirdness.

~I know what it's like to break someone's heart, and how to have your heart broken.

~Intelligence is a double edged sword.

~I figured that I'm an early/late bloomer. Meaning that I sprout quick, fall into a dormant state for a long time, then burst forth with both guns blazing.

~My jokes never seem like jokes, because I don't laugh to them.

~Christmas just isn't what it used to be.

~All that jazz about wanting world peace and stuff, a.k.a. Miss World speech material, is really only just talk.

~The older you get, the more presents you buy, and the less you receive.

~It never snows here. Except in the freezer, where you DON'T want frost.

~Chocolate is probably still better than sex.

~Saint Nick should NOT be as old as he appears, seeing as to his level of obesity. He'd probably have died of a stroke on one of his time-defying trips.

~I have really no idea what I want anymore.

Merry Christmas.

'tis the season...

In the past 15+ years, every Christmas, I'd be most sure of what I wanted for Christmas. Notice, it wasn't the past 18 years, cuz before that, I didn't even understand the concept (this is for you particularly dense people).

The strange this year is that when I was asked what I wanted, I realised, for once, it wasn't a material thing. It isn't a laptop, or a camera accesories, or electronics, or even chocolate cake. Nope, nothing material.

It isn't peace, love, forgiveness, sex. Nothing on a, erm, non-material, plane of existence. Nor do I have someone special to even attempt to extract that particular last one from.

It isn't even something that anyone would likely wish on themselves on such an occasion. Nor is it something that anyone could give me. Or even get it for themselves, though I dare say the option of getting it would be most valuable to EVERYONE. Come to think of it, it isn't even a thing, it's more like a lack of.

Of course, in this case, I shouldn't even bother trying to get it. So let me now focus on what I MIGHT possibly receive this year. If you want to get me something special this year (of course you do), here's a short list of things I will find useful, and most certainly be absolutely happy to receive:

~A laptop. Any Centrino chip 1.6 MHz and above, with a minimum of 512 RAM, and a 64MB dedicated memory graphics processor, built-in Bluetooth and WiFi, with a DVD burner, and minimum of 6 USB ports. Preferably with a 15.1 inch monitor and above. I have a big lap. All other configs are optional.

~A strobe flash. Specifically, a Nikon SB-800. With extra battery pack.

~A new phone. I don't know specifics for this, but anything with market value above 1k is probably right.

I'd add more, like a black CLK and a 7 story mansion, but I'd stick with feasible stuff. And since it's the season of giving, I thought I'd give you a chance to breathe before my next barrage of insane requests.

The likelihood of me receiving any of those are almost nil, and it's probably because of my gender. Ah, damn this excessive packaging. It's proven VERY useful so far, hasn't it (rolling eyes)?

Speaking of eyes, it seems that my eye power has swapped left with right. Damn weird. The new frames I'm getting done kinda make me look like some anime character, at least according to what my dad says. Weirdness.

Ho ho ho.

And no, Pri. These are NOT man-tits.

pathetic...

I absolutely cannot believe that I'm this pathetic. I've been sitting at home for the past 6 hours doing nothing worthy of mention.

It's absolutely befuddling that anyone could be reduced to such slobberish lack-of-witness when left alone, with nothing specific to do. I think, if I can recall correctly, I was going through a series of games, and then blogs, and then anime, and then a whole lot of piano, and was, and still am, bored out of my mind. Where all that furious mental processes went, I have no idea.

This is me before the holidays: "I'm going to take a one year sabbatical, doing absolutely NOTHING! Haha! Can run about doing absolutely anything and nothing I want!"

This is me now: *whimper

Ergh. This insane boredom is, erm, boring!

I have been to an exclusive preview of The Star's new face. And got a free tee at that too! Hahaha. This is absolutely amusing me to the utmostnest. I am so amused I almost forgot for one second how horrendously ugly I look in most, if not all, clothes. Of course, a second is infinity on the brink of death, and nothing on the scope of creation. And on the scope of boredom, borderless expanse of mass and anti-matter. Wow. The sheer weight of such nothingness has caused me to spout delirious quantum physics jargon, which don't make sense even in context. Mwahahahahaha.

These constant questions of what I've been doing, how I've been doing, what am I going to do, from random people of random or no connection; it's all only helping to drive home the point that I don't know anything! Of course, I can't possibly drive in this state, nor should I want to be home. And to mention state, while this is supposedly the most developed shit hole of the national collection of hellholes, it still pretty much is riddled with potholes! And potholes are funny words, because although they are very much holes, as in, lack of road, they have nothing to do with pots. Pots as in pottery, the drug, or potions some lazy to type moronic gamers out there. To speak of games, I seriously need to find a new one to play. In the past 2 weeks, I've done 4 new releases. It's stupendously insanely absolutely mindfuckingly boring.

Anyone who would like to tell me to do what most bored guys do, a.k.a. masturbating, should probably skip it. Believe me, there's only so many times you can run that engine a day. Too much, and it's likely to break, and that would NOT be a pretty sight. Incidentally, I read a story about this guy whose life was ruined by wanking. The dumbfuck was pulling his meat next to a radiator and grabbed an oil soaked towel to clean up his mess, which caused the towel, and the flesh within, to catch fire. Pretty amusing, if not sadistically sick.

If I could trade height for looks, I'd give about 4 inches away. Since looks can be improved on, and in most cases, bought, I'd say that height would be a bit more valuable. Then I'd be the perfect combination of looks, brains, and brawn! Mwahahahaa! Of course, I'm flattering myself.

I need more toys to play with. Like boys' toys. Namely, electronics. Kinky or not, that's what most guys want. Except for a PARTICULAR few friends of mine who'd prefer sex over toys anyday, but then I keep telling them that they're probably missing out something great. Of course, I digress.

I need to go shopping for my going away goodies soon. Laptop, clothes, stuffs. All of them I need. However, seeing how much I already spent, I'd say I'll probably be going there with a note pad (as in sheets of paper) and a pencil, my underwear (which wouldn't be so bad if only I was better looking), and some straw. If you don't get the last one, you cannot possibly be more bored than me.

The piano has only so much lure. As does the computer. For a person of such a short attention span, it would seem quite impossible to do anything productive. And you'd be right. I should have gone for a walk, but I'm lazy. And fat. And as current evidence suggests, stupid. In all blatantly obviousness, I probably should have written some kinkiness. Should have.

Meh.

lost...

Sometimes, we all are.

focal points...

At some point in our lives, and usually more than once, we all have to decide on what object we want to focus on. It's like a lens; the world is a large array of objects, and we can selectively focus on certain objects. However, you cannot focus on everything. More often than not, the projected image will be one big blur.

I've come to that point. I've gotten the lens, and it seems to be a very nice one, capable of a wide enough range of focal lengths to make most objects easy to focus on. Bad thing is that it's got a few scratches. Minor ones I could possibly polish away. These are basically canyons.

I'm chatting with a Julius. In it, we were discussing about how we'd like to be treated after death:

jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
i'm going to have my body freeze dried, then ground to dust
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
then have that dust burned
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
and from those ashes, make a pot
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
then break that pot into tiny tiny pieces, and then ground into dust again
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
the first person who will drink that dust will have my entire fortune
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
mwahahahahaah
Life Goes On.... says:
well
Life Goes On.... says:
i am not so cruel to myself
Life Goes On.... says:
if i do die .....i guess i will be cremated
Life Goes On.... says:
i guess i will have my loved ones to spread my ashes into the air
Life Goes On.... says:
explore the greter beyond
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
yea
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
throw into the air
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
then fall back onto their faces
jin - sometimes, i feel like everyone's better at me in everything; brains, brawn, bod. then i realise, they're short! says:
damn good la you
Life Goes On.... says:
hahaha
Life Goes On.... says:
well....being your friend for so many years
Life Goes On.... says:
learnt a thing or two
Life Goes On.... says:
hahaha

One thing I noticed from this conversation, and many others, is that one common point is how possibly the most useless, and potentially annoying, habits are the ones that other people pick up from me.

The thing about focusing is that it also depends on how well your lens was built. How it's built depends on the methods used to grind it. How skilled the craftsmen are that grind it depends on how well you trained them.

And how well did I train them? From results, I'd probably have made them as potato peelers.

It's about another month and a half to a new place. That is if everything goes right. And if it doesn't, it probably will be in another new place. Or nowhere. A life is only worth living if your lens is polished and clean. I am a chipped, offcenter wreck. There leaves to be a slight possibility of doing something about it. And there may not.

Why do I care? I don't. I just wish sometimes that all this could go away. Or that I could. But where would it go? Where would I go? Would it make any difference?

Most people my age care about specifics. Like how they'd sort out their crushes, their finances, their education, their homes. Stuff like that. Me, I worry about things I can't really fix. And maybe that's how I'm different. And why I think I've stopped caring. My skin tingles at the thought. And the thought repeats like it's a tape on a loop.

Maybe it's time to go.

And I just realised, I don't like my hair that much after all.

islanders...

Okay, okay. Details, details.

Had a barbecue. Invited random people over, and random people came. Of note are the exploding coals, the running about, the raining, the half cooked food, the REALLY LATE guest and some other things. Not enough photos to make it interesting, so I won't post them. Go harass Asy if you want them.

Dad sprung a rather surprising trip to Penang on us. Okay, fine. It was only me that was surprised. I only really knew that we were going somewhere.


We passed through Ipoh first for their smooth noodles or something. Kinda like kway teow, but smoother. Apparently. Me, I can't tell the difference. And Ipoh chicken rice, if the one I had was anything to go by, is nothing to be hyped about. Looked more like chicken LICE to me.

If anything, I did find the ORIGINAL Old Chang Kee shop. But I find the one in 1Utama makes better curry puffs.

And camwhoring. Mwahahaha.

Him too.


And also a Happy Circle. Like, what the fuck?

If anything, they have interesting shops that sell things like this:


Here's a curious sight:

This is a lone standing government building. We saw it near a toll plaza. It had NOTHING around it, although that's not obvious in the picture. No buildings. And it was tall. Only the government could approve something that bizarre or pointless.


One thing I must note about the northern states is that they have lotsa rocks. Like big rocks. So big that they get in the way and we must drill big holes through them so we can drive through. Kinda like sperm through a, nevermind.

One of the first things of amusement we noticed while on the island was:

I don't know HOW, but somehow these two make an interesting pair.


The Sunway Hotel, Penang. A watered down version of the 5 star wonder that is the Sunway Hotel, Sunway.

Maybe it's something about the island or something, but another strange, and in this case, downright disturbing, first sight. This is in the hotel lobby:

Like, what the fuck? I think my lens cracked.

If anything, there was a Christmas tree to sanitize that blasphemous vision.


Ah. Finally. The room. And unfortunately, me.


The first evening out was of most bemusing sort.


This bakery in one of the supermarkets has quite an interesting command of England. Of course, there are too many blatant and boring examples around. Here's one which needs a bit of wit to understand:

A popia car.



The next day was quite curious. For one, it's not pleasant to wake up to such a fugly building outside your window:

To cleanse the visual palate of that obscene vision, camwhore!


Botanical gardens are great places to get nice pictures. One is the classic bug on a plant pic that is ALWAYS near impossible to get. NEAR impossible, that is.

Of course, you sometimes end up with absurd things like this tree:

Beaches are another classic photography spot. Unfortunately, Penang seems to have a shortage of good shoreline, despite being an island. How dumb is that?

And dead crabs.


Cornwallis is a funny name. Like, the corn wall is? Is what? Soft? Mushy? Smelly? Like your genital warts? No matter.

I found this picture quite funny. Apparently I look like a pirate. Maybe I should make bootleg VCDs.


The old chapel in that fort is still there. Freaky-ish.


Some brands die hard. They found THIS in an archeological dig:


I found a pony! A horny one, by the looks of it.


No British fort would be complete without those large cannon they have all over the place. Extremely male thing to do, if you catch my drift.

Just to show the relative size of that thing:



Here's the famous log that was in the news for awhile. I don't really understand the fuss about it, besides the fact that it takes valuable space on a sidewalk on which people could scribble graffitti instead.

Had dinner in Gurney Drive, which by the way is NOT the place to go to eat in Penang. Like, there was practically NOTHING there to makan. What a ripoff. There was more just outside the hotel. Cheeseass. We ate seafood. Which is exactly my point.

Next, and last, day, we headed off to Penang Hill. Or Bukit Bendera. Which doesn't make any sense, because I always thought that Bendera meant flag, not Penang. Stupid garblement.

The rides are all damn slow. It took us like an hour waiting for the damn cable car to start moving, and it took another half hour to reach the top. And the scary thing is that there is NO safety cable. If this one snaps, we slide all the way to the bottom at increasing velocity and pray that the emergency brakes work and don't cause the tracks to tear off the hillside and send the whole caboose careening down the treacherously steep slope.

Dangerous ride done, there was absolutely NOTHING to do on that accursed lump of mud. Well, maybe eat chickpeas, but that was about it. Nothing to do, and nothing to see except a smoggy view of the island, and a hugeass police station and post office. Even bigger than the ones in Subang. The whole hill's population is probably employed in those two buildings.

Okay, fine. There was ONE thing to see:

It kinda reminds you of something, no?

At the end, this was basically what I did for three days:


What I have learnt on this trip:

~Ipoh and Penang are damn similar.
~The buildings are all old and on the verge of collapsing into a pile of fetid rubble. How rubble can be fetid, I do not know.
~There is a disproportionate number of old people and lala people in both Ipoh and Penang.
~Contrary to popular belief, there is NOTHING to eat in either Ipoh or Penang.
~The Ipoh and Penang food from Subang is definitely better.
~In the three days of holiday, I have seen no chicks worthy of any mention in either Ipoh, or Penang.
~There are many BodyGlove shops on the stupid island. Which doesn't make any sense.
~There are whole stretches of road on Penang that house only schools. Like, why the hell do you need 5 schools on the same fucking road?
~Islanders, both Singaporean and Penangites, are damn small people.
~My hair looks damn nice now. I think I almost look cute.

Meh.

unsure...

Did much in my non-presence in the blogosphere, all of which SHOULD be covered in coming posts.

It comes down to basic necessities. All that should be said is that it's all quite unsure.

Life, as a general picture, is unsure. As is, plans are laid in the assumption Melbourne is waiting for me.

Life, as a person, is unsure. The renovations have proved, futile, at best. The fascade is lacking, and the interiors would have been better built as a jail cell.

Life, as an environ, is unsure. The bridges that gap the many chasms appear frayed. Or perhaps, they were never finished. I do not know.

Life, as a symbiosis, is unsure. There is no telling where I lie as far as specific persons are concerned. And even less is known about their significance to me.

All I can say is in the past few days, I kept my mind off things, just like I said I would. And what results of it is the fact that I'm as unprepared to live, as always.

Christmas is coming. Godspeed whatever comes.

graduation...

I seriously thought I'd be happier, but I'm not. I'm actually extremely disappointed.

I graduated today. Usually, graduations are supposed to be memorable, and this one is. Except, not in the way I'd choose for it to be. For one, I remember being sorta morose about this one, for all my appearances of having enjoyed it.

For one, I fell short of being top in anything by one or two marks. For the Maths Award, I was short by 0.5. Though, I don't begrudge Thin for the prize. She definitely deserved it given how much effort she put in. I was knocked into third, and at that, unacknowledged, place by the fact that my English marks were so horrendously fucked. Sure, an 88% finishing average is great, given that you were not expecting a 90+ glaze.

Yay, me.

This is so totally the last time I will think I'm good in English. Either that, or the last time I trust my instincts on being better at a language than anything.

Why the hell I was so excited about the yearbook being done is a mystery to me. The crowd was unenthusiastic at best, and what I'd thought would be well deserved thanks, or at least the appearance of the slightest tinge of appreciation came across more as apathetic nonsense. It's extremely frustrating to have put in a fuckload of effort to get this out in time for everyone to peruse it well, and have them, well, not do it.

I am seething under this shell of enthusiasm. It would be quite unbecoming to be angry at anything right now. If anything, I have got solid gloating rights. But it's pointless. Especially when I didn't get the level that I was looking for.

While I'd love to rant about how I'll never be enthusiastic over anything over again, and the million reasons why I would be justified, I won't. Other people, especially Mr Leow, are particularly happy they got green slips, and it's probably more interesting if I be happy for them as well. If I was that is.

At any rate, I have a little something I need to do. I still have one Saturday evening to fix up, and then another invitation to guest star in some Taylor's event to turn down. Then I'll probably contemplate an alone holiday with myself for the next week or so.

Being so angry after such an event isn't a good sign. Then again, neither was the omen of my candle repeatedly going out during the candle lighting ceremony.

Asy, if I seemed drunk, it was because of the red face and the maniacal grin. They were there because of the quite unapparent frustration of it all.

This IS the last time I bother putting so much effort, although nearly none, into anything.

Meh.

it's here...

Ah! It's finally here. After that two weeks worth of ranting aimlessly about fucked up retarded people, I finally have proof of how brilliant I am! Mwahahaha.

Okay, fine. I don't. But I can gloat. Or rather, show evidence of my first book! Meaning, one that I actually talked to a publisher about printing.





Excuse the shaky pictures. I'm just too excitable! Mwahahahahah!

Graduation tomorrow. Wonder if I'll get any autographs. Then again, I'm hardly popular enough to be noticed. Oh well.

Meh.

alone again...

I'm freezing my nipples off again. Why the fuck the Web is so cold when you don't need it to and hot when you need cold is beyond me. At any rate, I guess even all this extra blubber don't help nuts when you're as stupid as I am wearing a sleeveless in Taylor's. Ah well.

This was an interesting day. I'm graduating (surprise surprise). I went to the staff room, and Ms Wong was saying, "aiyah, Eu Jin! You missed it la!" over and over again. And I said, "missed what?" And then she said "aiyah, you just missed it la!" And I asked, "missed what?" and she said "nevermind. Better you don't know." Then she ran off laughing. What the?

It seems that Ms Nirmala called a few people to tell them they were top in something or some other. I didn't get a call. Gasp! That means I'm not top in anything! Oh well. It does well once in awhile to be reduced to a pile of annoyed crap.

Mr Leow is not very entertaining. Not to mention, he doesn't seem interested in doing something we said we'd be doing at least ONCE throughout this year. No, it's not making out. Don't be disgusting. It's DotA. Why, because we can. But he decided that foosball was more interesting than amusing me. I must punish him, mwahahahahaha!

On a more serious note, I dropped my 560 buck hard disk. Fuck!!! But, it works fine. But the beautiful casing is marred. Ergh. Benci betul. Ms Nazli is right; I damn suey.

Waiting here for the yearbook delivery. Need to oversee something, or someother. They should just make me boss of everything. As is, I don't have the fucking attention span to do anything useful anyways. Which, according to examples given in real life, is the precise criterion needed to make a world class leader. Just look at all the heads of government. At least I'll be getting my paws on the books long before the other grubby ones can touch my precious work. Mmm... My precious....

I shoulda brought in my hard disk. I have Tetris on it. Not to mention the installers of a damn fuckload many games. It's heaven to have a hard disk large enough to steal all of Pentagon's secrets and have space enough for a short feature length movie on why the building is in the shape of a regular polygon. I love technology.

Speaking of which, I forgot to go to PC Fair. D'oh!

I'm being really pathetic now. I'm trying to extend this writing spree as long as I can.

I wonder, what do I look like in the third person? I'm asuming, at best, forgetable, at worst, fugly. Right now is somewhere in between.

I need to do something with my hair. Graduation is tomorrow. I could probably get my hair cut and coloured too. Is any place open that late?

I'm broke. I bought a new 256 thumbdrive to replace one that SOMEONE in the Photography group lost, but I can't pin it on anyone specific, so I just take the fall. I hate being benevolent. It's making me bankrupt. On the other hand, I get to leech of people.

I'm being annoyed. Very. Argh!

Lemme think. Wait. I can't. Fuck.

Meh.

loose ends...

That's what life basically is. We're given these billions of threads, and our job is to weave an interesting tapestry for others to see. At lest, that's what we're supposed to do.

Too bad too often we spend time trying to gather together loose ends. Like that one job we didn't complete too well, or meet that person for one last time before going off to other ends of the world.

Sometimes, it's painful having to see our work in shreds. That is, too many loose ends, and you can't tell if it was better to cut off that one thread to clean it, or if it made more sense to weave it in it's place.

It looks that I'm leaving soon. If things go well. Melbourne is about 9000 km from here, if I'm not mistaken. I'll be in company of quite a few people from here, but there are some I'm not likely to see ever again. As is, I already am leaving ICPU, and some friends I had quite the honor to meet. So many of them are worth knowing are from all over the world, and stupid me has no capacity of fixing some sort of contact on a permanent basis with them. Guess I have to do that on Thursday.

One stage of my life is over. Almost all chance for the fun life I was planning on living is dying. Soon, it will be beyond resucitation. And somehow, I don't regret it.

I've never held myself a nostalgic person. And in all likelihood I'm not. But it's a bit hard to ignore all the possibilities. And the propositions. And all the things left undone, or things I could have fixed, had I taken the time.

What's done is done. What can be done, remains to be seen. Why do I recall everything that could have been when it doesn't really matter?

We have to be selfish for ourselves, because no one else is going to be selfish for us. The world is a place ripe for gang rape, in more ways than one. In all the lovey dovey ends we envision, it's liable that we will meet our demise in a less than pleasant manner.

It's a double edged sword, this is. A potato still grows in the ground, regardless of how we plant it. Likewise, all our hopes and memories and painful recalling only serves as that: things that once were. A regret is like a rotten potato. You may plant it, but it won't grow. But it may spoil the rest.

This has been an interesting year so far. A few more days remain to see if it will be a fucked up interesting one, or a relatively good interesting one. People, make me soar.

Meh.

i hate tags...

... although I must admit that they do give you something to write about when you have nothing good to say.

5 random things about me. Then again, what isn't?

1. I get sugar highs very easily.

Like seriously. It take probably a tablespoon of sugar, and I'll be high as a drunk jaybird on a Saturday afternoon. Last night, I needed a single honey stick, and I was basically rambling all through the night.

2. Bisexuality rocks!

It's not official, but I've been toying with the idea. Much like I toy the idea of everything. But it is quite a practical proposition. It basically doubles up your available market, and the rules of probability dictate that you will likely find your match out there.

3. I can bake.

I can bake. That's a fact. I can also sorta cook, but whether the results are masticable are debatable at best. I'm looking for interesting recipes, so if you have any, give me a call.

4. I don't look good naked.

Then again, how many people do?

5. Do not trust everything I say/do/write.

Whatever my concious will decides, what my internal motives are usually are unknown to me as is. So if I'm seemingly extra nice to you, it does not mean I'm hitting on you, or if I seem high, I may or MAY NOT be. So whatever you see, think a bit. Then again, thinking about me at all is not advisable at any time.

I would tag someone, but it's kinda pointless. If you like, you do lah.

Meh.

leaving prints...

Life is a beach. We cannot possibly walk it without leaving footprints. At one point or another, our stretch of coastline intersects with someone elses, and our footprints may be in the same places as theirs are.

If we could take a picture of that long line of imprints, we can see sometimes that they're straight, and other times they resemble a huge crossed pattern of jumbled messes. It's never truly clean, in that sense. It's kind of like the footprints you see in those how-to-dance books. Because life IS a dance, as well as a beach. Or it is a dance on the beach. It takes two to tango, and waltzing alone is sad.

Most are fortunate enough to find dance partners, even for a little while. Sadly, less than half of us are adequate dancers. Too often, we step on toes, mix steps up, badly bungle the whole affair. And for that, we are sometimes remembered. Usually more than those perfect routines. And sometimes, remembered for the worst of reasons. Like how it could have been better.

Sometimes, we pine for a particular partner, especially if the dance was unfinished. Or, the stroll was incomplete. It's like telling the other person to go ahead as you stop for that ice-cream.

I stopped for an ice-cream that's yet to come. I danced the wrong dance to the wrong music. Both times, I could have waited for better timing. Both times, I probably should have continued on my path alone. But loneliness likes company. Which is irony in the purest sense.

We should have artificial beaches with no-fat, no-sugar, no-fun, ice cream.

Meh.

reactionary...

From now on, I'm sticking to just reacting.

The whole of the past week, I've been taking active action to fix the problems around me. Only problem is, that they've either proved annoyingly difficult to fix, or created even bigger problems for me.

First, the yearbook. I took on a role that was basically not something I had to do. Yes, you people are pretty sick of hearing it, just as I'm pretty sick of writing about it. But it's a plain fact that I should NOT have taken it on. That said, it's turned out pretty well. Except now I'm extremely bitter against CERTAIN people. I hate their guts to hell, and I'd basically screw them over if I can.

Then it's the car bumper. On Thursday, I reversed into Volvo. Good thing it was Swedish, if not there'd be a whoopass dent in it. The driver (thank God for women drivers sometimes) didn't do anything, because there was no dent. My rear bumper fell off, but it was fixable, which I did. So yesterday, I think it was during in fucking long drive, not shortened in the least by my constantly getting lost. It fell off. Yea.

And aside from these two, there are a ton of other things I should just leave alone. Do nothing until it's too late to fix. NEVER EVER EVER EVER fix something if you're not specifically requested to. Notice I didn't use told because I don't take orders.

On another note, someone had a dream in which I died. Coolness. Why don't I ever get dreams I die in? At least, fantasy will reflect the reality I want. Ergh. And thankfully, my response was pure reaction rather than action. I think I'd somehow screw it up if I did add my opinion.

Next time someone asks me for my two cents worth, I'll tell them I'm broke. Like, really broke.

Meh.

it's almost all good...

Life is never perfect. The most you can do is hope that the limits of your graph approach perfect. Which in itself an impossibility. There is no upper limit or lower limit to how far you can go, and perfection is an absolute.

The yearbook is in print. I wish it had happened another way, but I personally fixed everything. Whatever input other people had basically paled in comparison to what I had to go through to make sure SOME people got their precious little books on time. If this seems like bragging, I so wish it was. I NEVER want to do that shit again. Thanks again to Mr Kuan who made it that much easier. For all your printing needs, I suggest you go to him. Very capable, and he can rush jobs too.

Papers were over yesterday. It was almost a relief. Almost. What's done is done, and a potato is round for good measure.

Now that I'm absolutely free, I guess I should resume plans on next Saturday. What to do, what to do...

I need to piano score for Fantasie Impromptu. Anyone have it?

I suppose it's good to be alive. As opposed to being not alive. As in, have no life. Dead is still better than living. But living with no life, is, erm, dead. Paradox.

Meh.

it always comes to this...

No matter how high you fly, at one point you will have to fall. No sky is so limitless that the reaches are infinite. Mine came crashing down rather abruptly. And multiple times at that.

I thought it was all finished. But they had problems with it, so I fixed it. Then it should have been done, no? But it wasn't. Again, there were issues, like too fat and what shit have they. They can't make life simple and straightforward for anyone these days. It's true that people are perpetually horny. That would explain why everyone's fucking things up for me. And all without me asking. How nice.

I just want to fucking get over this fucking yearbook. What the whole fucked up issue is, I have no bloody fucking idea. By right, it should be printed. But it was ugly. I fixed it, but then they wanted to correct grammatical errors. Fine, I did. Then they found more. And they wanted to change to British English. Program must be programme. Fine. Then they said Anucia looked like a fugly old goat and it was most unbecoming of a headmistress of the top private college in the country. Again, I tried to accomodate them by asking for another one. They said no, just shrink the picture and make it less obvious. And in the process, fuck the layout. No fucking way. I'm pretty much done with this. If it's not complete by today, for-fucking-get it. You can design your own. I'm gonna make money out of this by printing my own copies and you fucktards can kiss my unwashed ass.

Mr Kuan has been most helpful, considering that he has yet to gain an ounce of businesss from me. I'm quite horrendously sorry to put such a great guy through such a fucked up system. But like he said, he wouldn't have been in the business this long if he couldn't deal with such crap. Ah. Hope that his opinion of Dad does not decrease because of this.

I had a lot I wanted to say these few days. Lots of things to show. Then I realised I couldn't. I don't have the capacity. Or rather, I don't have the will. Whatever strength in me I have allowed to be sapped in the past week, kindly helping people I should have run pikes through, right up the ass. I'm such a nice person, someone told me. That's only because I feel that I have something to gain out of it. And since I haven't, I probably should rethink my strategy.

For those who know, Saturday next week is still on. I need the company at this point. It's too fucking infuriating to keep seeing the people I've been seeing the past week. By rights, I should have just killed myself, frame someone for my murder, and then watch sadistically (assuming I can) as they plead with watery shit leaking from their asses their innocence. I'd destroy myself if I could spite anyone bad enough. I spent too much time building up things that backstabbed me. And thick skin can only shield so much pain.

It's time to bite back. Or to get an ice cream.

Meh.

last day...

Recap of the final week of college:

Monday.

We had a fun lab. Which is strange. Only one other lab had ever been fun, and that was unintentional. This one, was a basic cooking class. We made peanut brittle. Damn cool.

The funny thing was that the procedure referred to peanuts as protein pellets.


Tuesday.
Theresa didn't come. This basically fucked the entire running for our presentation. So now a few of us have to go back to present. This is so frustrating. Seems that this is her first and last semester here. No shocker, really.

Wednesday.
Did random things. Camwhoring in class is fun, I suppose.

Praxter got people to scribble on this shirt. Now he looks like a hobo. Someone shoot him. Mwahahaha. In other notes, I felt that this was quite pointless a day.


This is Bryant. He was the feller I was 'smooching'.


Oh. I saw a chicken crossing the road. Literally.

Today.

More camwhoring. Well, not really, but at least we got class photos together. Better ones than what we had. I'm thinking of swapping the photos in. Hmm.


Also, I decided that the lecturers are acting like little children. Especially over the yearbook. This is bloody annoying. And is also the last time I work with 'grown-ups'. What the fuck. They seriously should learn to be more enthusiastic about taking photos. One thing: you're not gonna live forever. Make sure you're not forgotten. Kinda wish Ms Karen was there. I'm sure she'd 'compel' them to take pics.


Also had a briefing on procedures for graduation. Sounds like fun. We get to play with fire! Mwahahahaha.


Wasn't as good a final day as a final day of college should have been, but I really can't complain, in that sense. I guess expecting too much out of life leads to disappointment. Just I have so often been disappointed, and disappoint. But that really isn't an immediate concern.

Tomorrow.
ENG4U paper. Don't know what to think. It's hardly going to be an interesting paper, for one. For another, I'm pretty sure I don't want it marked. Theresa isn't exactly known to be an efficient marker, for one. Sarno shoulda taught 4U this semester. Life would have made so much more sense.

Tis the beginning of the end. Sigh.



Enough about the diary-like entries. So filled with the essence of curdled milk (a.k.a. cheesy). A review!

Went to Restoran Kong Mah Sdn. Bhd. A little dim sum shop in Sungai Buloh. Nice, relatively clean.

Got lotsa stuff. I don't know what they're called, or maybe I'm too lazy to remember.


Steamed stuff. I like the curry beans and fish-things. And foo-chok. Or fcuk. Same la.



Fried stuff. Radish cakes and yam cakes are nice.



Century egg porridge. Damn good. Lotsa meat and fried crispy things and egg. They also have long sticky noodles (chee cheong fun), but didn't order.


Jelly. The black one is supposed to be good for blood circulation or something. Tastes bitter.


How to get there from Subang via NKVE:
Take the NKVE to Exit 113. Make two immediate left turns, go on straight. Turn right just in front of a BP. Follow the road straight down until you reach an RHB branch. Turn left. Park anywhere there. Kong Mah is on the same block, at the other end.

Using Old Subang Airport road, just keep going straight pass Terminal 3 and all those other weird random restaurants like Papa Chop Mama Grill and what have you. Keep following the road, until you reach a Caltex. Turn right at that junction. Follow the road on straight until you come to BP, then turn left. Follow straight down to RHB, turn left, park anywhere.


Relatively cheap. If you don't get unnecessary extras that is. Averaging at 2.20 a dish to 4.00, I'd say it's a good deal for dim sum, if a bit far to travel. But then again, doesn't matter no?

I seriously don't know how my dad parks so close to the lamp post.


Meh.