Looking for an outlet

 Good day!
It has been some time hasn't it. I let myself go. Alot. I couldnt care much for grammar anymore so pardon me if there's mistakes here and there. I know standards have dropped. But I promise you, I've grown since the time I thought I knew better. I now know I know nothing but am constantly learning...
I saw my last post was around November 2018 so its been like close to 5 years.
I'm nowhere I want to be. I have anxiety and depression somewhat but I'm not here to cry out loud, and all that boo hoo.
I'm still the same old Quest. Just looking for an outlet. Never thought I'll be where I am today. Just to catch you guys up to speed, in 2018 I went to KL for a night party but didn't really got the proper entrance. Yeah I'm awkward as ever but you have to do what you gotta do. There was lots of mistakes but thats how you learn.

I was intro streaming for a bit on twitch. but I abandoned it (till further notice). Dont get me wrong I don't hate it. I just got occupied with my new life in singapore. I look back at it fondly. Didn't feel like I did it justice to be honest. I invested for it to continue on. But the break I took went over what was planned. In contemplating, I thought of going into making youtube to share or at least document what I learnt in this short 30 years or so. But a actual place where I am is alot of planning but no actual first step into it. 

When i came to singapore I wanted to be exposed to the environment here. It is always felt more comfortable being a banana myself. Know that somewhere english can thrive and still not be in a cultural shock all together... it is really comfortable.. and if I'm being truly honest, I fit right in. Too well. All that jaded people putting their life wholy into work. Not where I want to be now that I see it. I'm stuck in my comfort zone. I'm falling, still falling.
P.S>I also talked about expanding my investment horizons to the land of singapore but that did not come to fruition (also). Another thing I failed at. :')

I got into a new relationship after my first. It has been how long ago since? probably also about 5 years. But the magic is fading. I feeling like I omitted some duties as a good boyfriend. I am too afraid to take risks with the relationship as I've always been. Yes, its a rut I'm still struggling with. But I've always known that communication is key in a relationship. I feel like I'm not getting much from her. I dont know but I think maybe I'm not at all in the clear in this as it takes two to tango. I should talk to her. Or at least try to.

One think i want to do, i want to make writing something constant in my life as it should have been. It's my one outlet that I have without my awkwardness and speech impediments. It was always one thing I'm ever good at. English Language. I have linked this blog to my main email so you can trust in the continuity of this.

If you are going through a tough time. Feel free to open up here. We are a safe space here at Sins of a Prodigal. No one is perfect.
Love ya.

Shit happens

So, here I am, sitting in the cool of the night (well, midnight actually) looking at the stars and writing this post.
I've just made it back from my first party. Sadly, with regrets. I decided to step out of my comfort zone by attending this party which my parents would not approve of. I was always the good kid in class, doing what teachers/parents tell me and vice versa. I just knew my parents will never let me go attend a night party. And my introversion just strengthened that belief. Here I was clocked out of work and went home. I just decided to go for it. I took the time to get ready and went. I took my dinner before the event because I knew I'd be drinking. After dinner I went to the place but I forgot to ask the reception to put me on the waiting list and I ignorantly lined up.
There was this girl infront of me and I initiated a conversation. I forgot her name though. She was studying Mass com and working as an editor for CanLaw YouTube videos regarding politics and legal issues. She live in Gombak and she drove to the party to see Talitha Tan despite none of her friends came along. We went in but since I wasn't on the waiting list, I had to wait till the waiting list ends. It was a long wait but I was excited. Just when things were looking up, I received a call that turnt me down low. I lost my mood to party and when I got back to the party, the girl was already vibing while I'm so out of sync. I grab a beer and tried to vibe but I did not notice her bailing and I never got her contact. I wonder if there's any chance to see her again. Haha.
This proved that one call can fuck me up. I'm weak like that. This was a cockblock story and it is a true one.
At the end of the day, should I get mad at the caller? At myself? Or should I have ignored the call and vibe with the people there? This my first party and I still did not get drunk. Fight me.
Hope I grow more balls for a better tomorrow.

Peace out.

Edit: I initially thought to share to people about my passion for yes theory, that was a no go. There were famous people around as well but I sticked to myself after that call. All my lessons on women were not practiced.. Wth did I do tonight...

The calm before the storm

This is probably an overused title for blogposts or maybe it's just me. Haha. Now I'm getting that feeling. That something great is about to happen soon. Just a week ago I felt like shit and the most boring person in Malaysia as I didn't have things to do. When I start appreciating things around me, I noticed that, I do have things happening in my life, and I can create things too if there are none. So I went and put myself in bind to go with a hi-bye friend to check out a local event. And also organize a soon to materialized road trip. I don't know how or when yet but I just know, it's coming.
Besides that I do have my job as a comforter to my depressed friends. Depressions should never be taken lightly. I learnt that the hard way and I never took them lightly anymore. I'm doing all I can to rid depression - sometimes i wonder if I'm doing it right or does it even need to be gotten rid of???
There are so many things I have yet to know, but it is not up to me to decide. I'm just a supporter. I give as much as I can, that's what I do. Not much of the prodigal I'd say. Life didn't turn out the way I thought it would when I started this blog with this name. But it's a journey, my journey.

P. S. If you feel u have nothing to do, go on an adventure, explore areas in your country. You never know what new experience awaits.

xPeace

Thank you.

I've noticed something about myself...
I got so used to doing favors for others and helping others, going the extra mile, I start to think people owe me something in return. And when I don't get what I want, I get upset, I complain, I let it simmer in my heart unhealthily.
Infact, I've become so used to it that I forgot how to say thank you when someone give me something or helped me. You may think saying it is easy (which is probably true to many) but being a man of my word, I cannot make myself say what I do not mean. And it makes me uncomfortable when others do help me. Instead of accepting the good deeds done to me and saying thank you, I look for ways to 'payback' or return the favor with something of equal value or more. This is not what I see myself as. I want to be someone who gives and receives freely. But right now, this is not the case.

On a side note, I've been looking at ways to judge a job's value by its benefits. I realize that the amount of annual leave and public holidays has a value for giving you a day off without affecting yr pay. But is it sufficient for you? What is the company policy about overtime? These are the things I have been considering lately despite not having finish updating my resume.

Road trip coming up soon!

Project 30

So today what inspired me was how it all started for our boys at yes theory. They were college kids who went to college in Canada. From different parts of the world. It's a wonder how they just sticked together through the years to become something so big. They r here to prove that good people still exists and that saying yes will bring you good things. When you decide what you want to be, then the universe gets out of your way. The decision is an integral part of our life. First decide where you wanna be, what you wanna wake up to, what will keep you awake at night, and what will get you jumping out of your bed. We all know it too well in our subconscious mind but very rarely do we partake in reality.
So there was mention of this project 30 that they started in college. The list down 30 crazy challenges that they never have done and did that in 30 days. From bungee jumping to acts of kindness like giving strangers roses. It was all outside of the comfort zone. And thus, their motto: seek discomfort. Deep shit right there.
Find like minded people who will do these things with you. We don't always click with everyone we meet but you will know when u meet someone who just fucking share your passion to push the limits. Right now I might be sitting in a office writing my thoughts, sharing my passion.
Who know tomorrow where, I'll be? That's the life I want to live. That's what I call truly living, the sins of the prodigal.

-peace

Hope.

After my last post, I have met up with an old friend of mine. We talked lots but I gathered a few notable lessons from the session.
Despite being elder than me, my friend has the will to be constantly learning from the best. To be good at something, humble ourself and ask questions. Be a fool once, don't be a fool for life.
Appreciation for family. In my day and age, I tend to find myself overly prioritizing friends and relationships. My senior friend has a regret that parents wishes could not be fulfilled with current remunerations. The dream was to bring parents on overseas trip. And the tables were turned making me ashamed at my choices.
I also watch YouTube recently tuning in to Jimmy Zhang and Yes Theory. They really inspire me to do and say what is in my heart. To open up to endless possibilities and to believe in them.
I began to think that the problems I faced in life are not meant to stop me but to make me stronger.
It is one thing to know that as a fact, but another thing to live it out and experience it. Setbacks are not a dead end but a detour, make it a part of your journey.
Lastly, I'd like to add, do not fear your boss because he/she is also human (prone to error, emotional, etc). Time to wake up, go out and live your dreams.

-peace-

After a long Hiatus

So guys I decided to come back to blogging after failing much in life. If there is one thing I like, it would be to write shit. I've been through much since I last wrote and when I read my last post it all seemed to petty. So yeah. You live and you learn. I've definitely been humbled by providence in life.
I plan to keep things short.
Thoughts for the day: everyone makes mistakes, but who will confess/admit them and make necessary changes? Something work related where I felt pressured but as far as I know, the way I work is totally different from theirs. So I think little of their judgments. But the judgment being coming from a superior, it does affect me somewhat.
Next up, I was on tinder (looking for love) and I match this girl who described herself as a 'sapiosexual'. I know what is sex but with is sapiosexual? As she advised in her bio, I googled that shit up and learn some new tricks to deal with sapiosexuals;
1) be a fucking Grammar Nazi or die trying
2) Be a tale-bearer
3) be the thinker like the statue
4) Ask relevant questions to show interest and to show you are not stupid
5) Plan fucking unique dates.

P.s. Blame Jimmy Zhang for my vulgarity spike. Bugger puts dope on utube.

xPeace