Seth's School Journals

Like many 1st-graders, Seth has a journal time every morning to write and draw pictures. I love when his teacher sends these journals home! Here are some of my favorites (and maybe sometime I'll try to add the drawings, which are priceless!):

My list of things I just don't understand...
Some things I don't understand are: How a magnet works, why a cericter in a book is so cunfusde [looks like he ran out of time thinking—it just drops off :-)]

An important African American is...
Important African Americans are: Matthew Henson, Daniel Hale Williams, Mae Jemison, Dedi Thomas, Phillis Wheatley [ran out of time]
Anyone know who the heck he's talking about, most of these? :-)

My best friend and I always...
Me and my friend Mom love to go to our oprae rehersles for the oprae Samson and Deliayla.

:-D

I like to help my parents with: helping my Dad bilud things like: bookcases, beds, and boxs.

I want to write a book about science. Kilibrikashane and largist plants in the world like the rafflesia. [Huh?]

When I leave school today I plan to...
[Then there's an elaborate unfinished picture of the Samson and Delilah Act III set. By far, his most elaborate drawing. Haha! And no time to write.... Just one hastily scribbled word: "to." He did REALLY love that set.... :-)]

I wish I could build: 1000000000000 lego sets, a magic box, 100,0000 flying pensils, a house.

It's important to exercise because: it makes you strong, tall, it makes it easy to carry wood, and it's healthy. [Emphasis added. ;-)]

A big mistake I made once was one time I was backyard and thought it would be fun to throw some rocks on the roof. Now ther stuck so it wasn't a good idea. [Yeahhh....]

I'd like to invent a machine that can: do my homework for me, make Lego sets, and has and can make the best microskopes in the world.

Free writing!
On Spring brake I want to go to: Hawaii, Washington D.C., Costa Rica, Denver, Sacramento, Oregon, Texas, and missouri.

[Wow. That's uh...quite a list! :-)]

What I like most about myself is that I am a great helper, because it is one of my favirite things to do. One of the things I do to help is help move wood. [There's that wood again.]

My big goal for this year is...
My big goals for this year are: begining to be an engeneer and a scietist, and to help work in Grandma's yard with my: Grandma and Grandpa and Mom and Dad.

Now that it's winter...
Now that it's winter it's cold anuf I can go sleding! And go skiing! I will make a snowman!

[Well, he's definitely picked up his mother's syntax. ;) But I don't know where he thinks he lives. Haha!]

If I could be anybody else I would be Mr. Ditectr the faimous scientist and engener. I like to engenen[?] and make scientifick discuvirys and travl and find things I can make a kit out of. [Hahahaha!!]

If I could travel to the snow I would go frosin river bording and go skiing! Then I would fly to Denver and go to my Grandmas!

My parents tell me never to...[my ears perk up...ahh...does he listen to me, yes?!]
My parents tell me never to: jump out the window, jump off a roof, anser the dore by myself, or run away. [Picture of boy falling off house with a circle around him and a slash across circle.]

Sighhh.... Well.... I guess those are good things? Even if I've literally never said any but one of them. (Hahahaha!)

I wish my school had: Costa Rica hot springs! The hanging bridgis! Root beer flots! And evrybodiy had a printer!

The biggest thing I ever saw was...
The biggest things I ever saw are: the world, atmisfear, ocean, Costa Rica hot springs, girafs, and a dolfin.

For breakfast I like... [going back to beginning of school year with awesomer spelling]
My fiarit breakfast is: scranmbld eggs, pancakes, fish, toast, ceasburger, orange juice, cereal, salad, meat, spigedy!

Ah. Well now that I know.... :)

When I have trouble sleeping, I usually...
When I have trouble sleeping I sleep on the floor. Sum times I think of good dryms, or I tri to fall aslyp. [Ah, yes! The try-to-fall-asleep method.... I keep telling him to try it. Maybe some things ARE sinking in.... :)]

If I had a magic wand I would say abru cudabu zibidy zam poof and tayk me to the story of Peter Pan. I will be Peter Pan. I read the story of Peter Pan efry nietgh.

I love wearing.... Why?
I love wearing non winter cloes in winter [hahaha! YES!!! That's my boy!!] because it's fun and I like it and to play in the snow with short slevs.

:-D

And now, I shall end with a short story. Fiction.

Once there was some friends named Jorden and Seth. One day thay went camping in the rine forist. We went on a hike. A bug said "that is a good home," and went in. An igwana came by and asked "can I com in?" "Yes." A spider, "can I com in?" "Yes." A skunk came by "can I com in?" Yes! Then the bug sneasd! O No! The tent broke! "Look our tent!" said Seth.

Funny Things Lately

Seth wanted to know the meaning of a song he was singing along to. It got to a part that meant something like: our dreams will be stronger than our fear! Seth was a little confused. I explained: "Dreams and hopes. Not like dreams when you're asleep. But when you dream of something for the future, and you think about how great that would be."
Seth: Oh yeah, that's right!
Me: Do you have any hopes or dreams?
He almost didn't let me finish my sentence, but blurted over the top of me: "Oh yes!"
Me: What are they?
Seth: To be a ninja. Or to be in a jungle all by myself...and be a scientist...and discover NEW plants. That would be great. Yeah....

And, with that, he melted away into his own reverie....

Haha!

Speaking of meanings of songs, Seth also loves the Bruno Mars "you're amazing just the way you are" song. Every time it comes on, he talks about what a wonderful song it is, and do I understand the great thing he's saying...? Last time he heard it, he was totally inspired. "I think what this song is saying is TRUE. You shouldn't change just to be like someone else! No! Heavenly Father made everyone different and that's great! You have things you're good at and not good at, and you are just WONDERFUL—just wonderful!—just the WAY YOU ARE. Mom.... I know this song is true. I know it's a true song!"

Love it. :-)

We were in Target recently and Maren got all excited to see a character toothbrush. "Gigi!!" I thought I was the only one who knew what she was saying, but Seth realized as well and exclaimed with enough gusto for half the store to hear: "No, Maren, his name is DARTH VADER. Not Jesus."

There were many a delighted shopper.... :-)

The Red Pony

My favorite thing about great writing is how it allows me to feel the heart and mind of a soul who is completely different than myself. I've always loved diversity—even thrived from it. I love diversity of opinion (I'm not that person who would like everyone to think or express the same things, or who hopes everyone will agree—or pretend to agree—with me). I love diversity of background and experience. I love to know people from many walks of life. I don't just love it. I need it. I thrive with it.

(If I seemed like my soul was sucked dry in my five years of all-white, all-upper-middle-class, all-Mormon, all-Republican, all-college-student life at BYU.... It was. Very, very much.)

I love to read a great book and get a chance to step into someone else's mind and heart. To empathize with a person's feelings, choices, experiences.... It's a sacred experience to me, truly!

But I also love those moments when a great writer captures, with better words than I ever could find, a feeling I've lived with in my life. I love when a great writer pulls something from deep within my heart, and makes it tangible through words. I love to get wrapped up in the thought he's trying to convey, with each phrase feeling like, yes, he's describing this better and better! I feel this! I know this!

It's so nice in those moments to feel...understood.... It's nice to feel like someone, sometime, empathized with me. And it's nice to be able to use the author's words in my own sooooo-INFJ quest to understand myself.

I just read a fabulous little book by John Steinbeck called The Red Pony. It's an atypical coming-of-age story, beautifully written, with compelling characters. I loved it. 

I didn't personally relate to these characters all that much, which made it even more of a wham-moment when he finished a chapter with words I'd searched for so many times in my life. The feeling he described even occurred as the boy sat and contemplated and admired nature, which is exactly when I have always felt this exact thing. I loved how he wrote this:

"Jody walked through the vegetable patch, toward the brush line. He looked searchingly at the towering mountains—ridge after ridge after ridge until at last there was the ocean. Jody thought of [some stuff... :)]. And he thought of the great mountains. A longing caressed him, and it was so sharp that he wanted to cry to get it out of his breast. He lay down in the green grass near the round tub at the brush line. He covered his eyes with his crossed arms and lay there a long time, and he was full of a nameless sorrow."

That's me! It's me. To be alone in nature, thinking.... Caressed by a longing so sharp you want to cry just to relieve it. But cry for what? It's a nameless longing. A nameless sorrow.

Sometimes I feel like maybe it's a moment of feeling like I'm in the wrong place, so far away from a heavenly home.... Perhaps a moment of feeling beautifully close to the Lord and needing Him so much closer. I don't really know. But I've felt it in peaceful moments throughout my life.... I've even sat by myself covering my eyes with crossed arms, as Steinbeck described, listening to a river flow, or waves crash, just soaking in the feeling. 

Now I see I must not be the only one.... :-) What a nice moment; to find this in this little gem of a book. I love great writing. 

P.S. This was my first Steinbeck novel since I was a kid. Oh, he's so good. His writing is so uniquely simple, but not a single word is wasted. So easy to read, yet so very meaningful. I'm a fan. :-)

Oh, Johhh-n...?

The other day we went to a little mountain town. It was a fun afternoon—the kids rode ponies, we spied on baby birds in nests, apple pie was eaten. My favorite moment of the day was during a stroll through some outdoor shops of woodworking and things. I noticed Seth talking to a wheelbarrow.... (Huh?) It was full of artificial flowers and Seth was poking through them saying:

John? Johhhh-n? Where are you, John?

Me: Seth, what are you looking for?

Seth: John the spider. He's gotta be [lifts up more plants] somewhere.
[Sing-songy again] Johhhhh-n? Where did you go-oh?

Me: Oh, that's interesting. Did you lose a spider or something?

Seth: No. It says right there....

And he points to a sign propped up on the wheelbarrow's handlebars that says, first, the name of a small business, then:

you can always find John on the web 

at blahblahblah.com

. . .    :-)

This completely made my day.

10 more hours for this deal

You might remember that I enjoyed my little experiment with e-mealz. I racked up so many meal plans that I didn't renew my subscription.... But now I get to go back! I'm pretty happy because:

a) E-mealz has new management, is now emeals.com, and now has [trumpet fanfare] natural and organic meal plans! Woot! I wouldn't call myself granola, and I don't care all that much about organic. But I DO care about making myself eat more vegetables. The sample meal plans look great—easier ways to use a variety of veggies. And better side dishes. In my first subscription, side dishes were often skippable—potato chips or something. In the natural/organic meal plan, side dishes are still very simple, but it looks like they'll be much yummier and healthier.

b) Emeals is now significantly cheaper. Double-woot!

And even cheaper with the groupon you can buy in the next 10 hours. A whole year of easy meal plans for $29. You can even buy plans that are customized according to the weekly specials at your store of choice. Pretty cool.

Some of you may have seen me lamenting on facebook recently that cooking healthy meals takes too much time and makes way too much of a mess. I really hate destroying the kitchen just to amp up the yumminess and healthiness of dinner, and I really hate wasting time cooking when I could be playing with my kids. But people gotta eat, and healthy matters, right? The weeks that I've stuck with an emeals plan, I've felt much happier about the small amount of time I spent on food, the money I saved, and the fun of getting to try new things. For 29 bucks, you can't go wrong.

If you decide to try it, may as well use my referral links, right? :-)

Emeals:


Groupon:
http://www.groupon.com/deals/emeals-san-diego-1?sd=false&utm_campaign=UserReferral_dp&utm_medium=email&utm_source=uu906640

The Greatest

Do you love to shop at Target, like I do? If so, I have the tip of all tips! I have already taken too long to shout from the rooftops how great the Target Debit REDCard is. Once you have one, you—like me—will be sad you hadn't always had one. 

And if you're afraid of signing up for one, like I always was when they asked "would you like to sign up today?," let me share my newfound wisdom and assuage your fears!

Fear #1: It's complicated to sign up.

When you are checking out at Target, you tell you the cashier you want a debit card. You hand them a blank check. They scan things, have you verify your address, etc., and you're set up! Online, you can get additional cards for household members.

Fear #2: I'd probably rather use my credit card because I like my AmEx rewards.

Every time you shop, in the store or online, 5% is automatically deducted from your total. Nice! 5% isn't the world's best discount, but it's WAY better than a credit card reward (which is typically 1%). 

Fear #3: I don't want an additional line of credit.

This... [trumpets herald great news] is not a line of credit. It is just a link to your checking account. Every time you swipe your debit card, the money comes straight out of checking as if you used your debit card or a check. I repeat: not a line of credit! Just a link to your checking account! Very cool. 

Reasons I want to shout from the rooftops that this card is the greatest:

#1: You can use it online! (Great for personal AND gift shopping!) When you shop on Target.com, you always get the 5% discount. PLUS whatever online deals they have (which are frequent). PLUS [here come the trumpets again] FREE SHIPPING!! Plus!! You can return virtually anything to the store. And you don't even need a receipt. For any return—whether you purchased it in the store or online—all they do is scan the item, swipe your debit card, and voila. Returned. Money back in your checking account (or cash in your hand). Couldn't be easier. I have done more and more shopping online since I've had this card—searching out clearance toys and kids' clothes, sales on rugs, furniture, shoes, etc. If I don't like it when it comes, just a simple return to the store. And the shipping was free! And I never had to go shopping! And I got 5% off!

#2: You can (and, by all means, should!) link your card to a school of choice, and for every purchase you make, Target will make a donation to your school. I first got all the information and bit the bullet for this card when Seth's school's PTA encouraged everyone to have one. His elementary school has made thousands and thousands of dollars from families using the REDCard. This is a win-win! (And if you have no school you want to donate to, try Holmes Elementary in San Diego. ;-))

#3: We've always loved Target's pharmacy above all others. They are always super fast and super easy. Their bottles are nicer than others. They add good flavors to kids' syrups and have a nifty bottle—you stick the syringe snugly in the top, turn the bottle upside down, and measure out the medicine. It's great. They also color-code all the medications you receive—a different color for every member of your household. And they send you email alerts when you have a refill waiting. Best pharmacy ever! Now with the debit card, we get an additional little bonus: for every 5 prescriptions we fill at Target, paying with our REDCard, we get a coupon that gives us an additional 5% off (plus the existing 5% for a total of 10%) for one day of shopping.

#4: Ooh, this is a good one.... Since I've had the REDcard, I have not . . . shopped at Walmart. ;-)

Next time you're in Target, take a blank check with you and spend an extra minute or two at the register signing up for one of these cards. You won't regret it.

Perfection

"Displace one note, and there would be diminishment. Displace one phrase, and the structure would fall."


Some of my favorite books:

Usually printed with the title Peter Pan.

When I've read it more recently than The Idiot, I think this is my favorite book ever! But if I've read The Idiot most recently.... Right now, The Plague wins. :-) This book is absolute perfection.

This book is not perfection. It has writing issues. But they're forgivable! And the basic form and structure of this book is nothing short of ingenious. I love this book.

Perfect book. Beautiful book.
(And every Mormon should read this.)

Every Mormon should also read this! Also, every other person on the planet. It's only 20 pages, so doable. :)

Might be my favorite book ever.

I... love... this... book.

Fantasy Genius Rewriters

I love to read. Love.

I love to read because I love art—I love to revel in those creations of man that seem to somehow transcend human ability, human comprehension, human beauty.

I love to read because, better than any other art form, writing can show you worlds with which you are totally unfamiliar. Writing can teach you things about mankind you never knew you needed to learn. A genius writer understands people, can create a complex or amazing or beautiful story, and, without having to explicitly state a thesis, teaches you incomprehensible and thought-provoking things about the world.

I love to read.

Which is why I must...give up on best-sellers. Haha!

Really, though, every time (but one!) that I've picked up a popular novel in recent years, I've sworn to never try one again. On my last try, I thought for a good long while about why I don't enjoy them. The perfect explanation came to me in the form of one word: replicatable. Ironic, isn't it, that "replicatable" isn't even a word? "I love words so much that I refuse to read anything that isn't unreplicatable." Hahaha!!

To some is given the gift of writing, to others, the gift to see the gift of great writing. ;-)

My soul is filled by things that cannot be replicated. I love to soak up great art and marvel: "How was this done? How?" Somehow my soul understands that what was done could never have been done by anyone else. Somehow my soul understands that, for a moment, a person's incredible gift tapped into the eternities—something was done that only God could do, but He did it through one of His children. It's too beautiful for words to me. It's my favorite thing people do.

I love to feel like the half-fictional Salieri in Amadeus:
"Displace one note, and there would be diminishment. Displace one phrase, and the structure would fall."

I remember a moment while reading The Last Day of a Man Condemned to Death by Victor Hugo (and thank you, too, great translator :)) when I noticed I wasn't breathing. My goodness, I thought! Those sentences...literally...took my breath away....

I love that feeling. I love to marvel—truly, and with awe, marvel—at great art, maybe especially great writing. I love to feel that it is not replicable. But by contrast, to listen to a work that could have been composed by another, read a book that could have been written by another, watch a production that could have been done by another.... It leaves me cold. No matter how diverting it may have been.

Which is why I always swear I've read my last best-seller. They leave me cold! They leave me needing to read a real book. :)

They all feel soooo . . . replicable. Like another could have written it.

The worst of the worst leave me feeling like I could have written it! Which is the worst feeling of all!

I started playing a game the other day imagining some of these books written by great authors. I had so much fun thinking of it! Here goes with the best-sellers I've read in the last few years:

Book: The Memory Keeper's Daughter

Author: Kim Edwards

Synopsis: Doctor lies to wife about their newborn dying when, really, he had given the baby away after noticing she had Down Syndrome. Doctor falls apart because of the lie that eats him all his life. Wife falls apart because of mourning that eats her all her life. Down's baby grows up with nice family.

I might have liked it if... 
If the author hadn't reminded us on every stinking page so explicitly: "She was aching for the loss of her child...." Or, "He had given away his baby! And lied about it! And he just couldn't look his wife in the face without his lie haunting him." How stupid do you think I am? You think you had to tell me these are the reasons for the story I'm hearing? And on every other page, at that. BZZZZ!! You're out! Bad writer, bad writer!!


Fantasy genius to rewrite this book: Dostoevsky could have made this super-dark and super-beautiful at the same time. Oh boy, I feel a little awful daring to think of Dostoevsky and this thin story in the same thought. (You have to admit, though...! He'd have made it fascinating! Superbly fascinating.)

Book: My Sister's Keeper

Author: Jodi Piccoult

Synopsis: I don't really remember. Something about a girl being used to help medically treat her dying sister. And some twists and turns...? Something about seizure-sniffing dogs and a whacked-out brother. I actually enjoyed this book but, obviously, it didn't make a lasting impression on me.

I might have liked it if... 
I think I did like it. I remember feeling kind of refreshed by it, like the writing was decent and the story sort of compelling. But.... Not a good sign that I can't say more about this book. BZZZ!! You're out! I forgot you within a couple years, which can only mean bad things. (Maybe I should read it again. ;-))

Book: The Time-Traveler's Wife

Author: Audrey Niffenegger

Synopsis: Poor, poor Clare and Henry.... He's in and out of her life by way of involuntary time travel.

I might have liked it if... 
Ok. This book tore me apart. Into little pieces. I curse this author for making me care so much about Clare and Henry. The last few pages...! Ahhh!! Ahhhh!!! It was like I had turned into a glass form of myself, with a little chisel going at me, then WHAM!!! Total destruction when I wasn't even braced for it. Was the writing amazing? No. Was their sex life a leetle too well-described? Probably. But she made me care about those characters. She made me imagine the beauty that would have been my 17-year-old self, or even my current self, being visited by a 50-year-old Matt who has spent his life with me and loves me to the tune of many, many years. She made me ache at the thought of the inevitability of death. She painted as tangible a picture of waiting with hope and also despair as I had ever felt. She created a beautiful couple.


Fantasy genius to rewrite this book: I'm seeing C.S. Lewis making every bit as beautiful a couple, negotiating the complexities of the time travel far better, and all in all making this book incredibly meaningful. Yes. Yes!

Book: Life Expectancy 

Book: From the Corner of His Eye

Book: Hideaway

Author: Dean Koontz

Synopses: Various intense thriller stories involving such things as: serial killers, boys without eyes who see things, clowns, and so on and so forth. You know. That kind of thing. ;-)

I might have liked it if...
Next to Life of Pi, these were the best written! Dean Koontz! Really! Are you shocked I read three Dean Koontz novels? My uncle gave them to me and, surprise, I actually enjoyed them. He's really a great writer, even if these stories weren't going to change the world.

Book: Life of Pi

Author: Yann Martel

Synopsis: Boy discovers science and religion in most lovely ways. Boy's ship sinks. Boy ends up on small raft with wild animals, surviving on the open sea for many months.

I might have liked it if... 
I. Loved. This. Book. This is the one I mentioned—the one best-seller I was so happy to have read. This writing could not be replicated.... His metaphors! Talk about taking my breath away.... He had this amazing ability to make you see exactly what was going on, down to the core of this boy's soul. And even when the ending made me irate and I began to second-guess all the love I'd had in this story's message, I was still in love with this book for how amazing the writing had been. The first section, where he searches out religion, is one of my favorite things I've read. Ever.

Book: The Hunger Games series

Author: Suzanne Collins

Synopsis: Absolutely shameless author thinks she will be clever and give Twilight a 1984 treatment. Or maybe she wanted to give 1984 a Twilight treatment. (She even tries to make her own 1984 vocabulary. Jabberjays? You've got to be kidding me.) Author writes beyond ridiculously for first book, then gets an editor with new money and dramatically improves for the second and third books. (Just one teeny example out of thousands: the author actually used the word "revenge" instead of "avenge." As in: "She needed to revenge her death." Seriously? That's a 4th-grader's mistake. BZZZ!! Ack!! BZZZ!!) Author's improved writing doesn't actually make her idea any less ridiculous or self-indulgently NOT clever. Everything about this series is infuriatingly mediocre (except in those moments when it's downright poor), and it's made all the more infuriating by being such a page-turner! Makes you wonder what the heck is wrong with you that you can't put them down...! Can't! Put them down!

I might have liked it if... 
If I were reading 1984 instead.


Fantasy genius to rewrite these books: No one. Let's just forget them. (Unlike most books, I actually think this story will work much better as a movie. Might be good! I can't imagine how it won't be the most violent film ever made, though, so still not up my alley.... I have to say, too, that I resent how ridiculously unsafe these books made me feel. Made me want to sleep with my windows closed. Come on! I'd be happy to feel that for a better book, but...aaaahhh!)

Book: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Authors: Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

Synopsis: Um. I just read this not long ago and it's already lost to my memory. Something about World War II fluffiness. (Thought WWII couldn't be fluffy, did you? ;-))

I might have liked it if... 
If it hadn't been yet another book that spells everything out for you. Newsflash lady writers (it always seems to be the ladies): good writing doesn't need to name everyone's emotions.


Fantasy genius to rewrite this book: L.M. Montgomery, if we still want carefree (I like! That could be amazing!). If we want more sophisticated genius...hmmm.... Charles Dickens?

Book: Tending Roses

Author: Lisa Wingate

Synopsis: Too boring to remember. Something about a granddaughter and grandma.

I might have liked it if...
Eh. Not even worth wondering about.

Book: Marley and Me

Author: John Grogan

Synopsis: Man loves dog.

I might have liked it if... One word!: J. M. Barrie. (Ok, one word plus two initials.) Brilliant!! Can you even begin to imagine the pure delightfulness that would have been this book? I love this idea so much! Did J.M. Barrie ever write about his dog...?! I would need to read that.

Book: The Help

Author: Kathryn Stockett

Synopsis: It's circa 1964 in Jackson, Mississippi. Hero white lady wants to listen to hero black ladies. They all face wrath. 

I might have liked it if...
If the author were just plain better at writing. The way she switched voices—writing from one character's perspective, then another—just didn't work. (An accent does not a character make.) The way she'd create "suspense" by dangling half-information was just annoying and never enhanced the story. (It was a trick for pure trick's sake. And, boy oh boy, she used it liberally.) I'm sure she thought she was being all profound to leave the story open-ended, too—like the way you talk about a masterpiece leaving you thinking, enhanced by being unresolved. But this story hadn't been good enough for that kind of treatment, and the treatment itself was not even well done. I'm all for an unresolved ending, but this just didn't do it for me.... I felt like she employed all these cliché writing tricks to seem all sophisticated but never pulled it off.


Fantasy genius to rewrite this book: I'm liking the idea of Joseph Conrad on this one. But my original idea of Steinbeck is a goodie.

P.S. Just saw the movie, and I enjoyed it far better than I expected. It is leaps and bounds better than the book. I especially liked that, unlike the book, the hero black ladies—particularly Abilene—maintained ultimate hero status, not so much the white protagonist. Which is how it should be. I mean, come on, Abilene is downright noble. It's offensive to make the white lady THE PROTAGONIST just because she's SOOOOOO amazing that she would TALK to black people, go white lady!! I think the author could have been more successful in the book by making it all from Abilene's perspective or, better yet, 3rd-person omniscient. Or, BEST yet, narrator who turns out at the end to have been Abilene all along.... Hm.

Book: Twilight series

Author: Stephenie Meyer

Synopsis: Like you don't already know.... ;-)

I might have liked it if...
Ok. I admit it! I liked these! Hahahaha!! Surprise of my decade, I tell you. But I found them to be quite fun. (Even if I did overconsume and dream about vampires at my high school for a few weeks afterward....) Not that I'm comparing Stephenie Meyer to the writing greats (nor her editors, who she apparently relied on heavily. Have you seen that unedited Edward book she has online? Beyond terrible! Truly shockingly bad!), but this was not replicable. ;-) She did something no one else could do. The Twilight series is, like it or not, a feat.



Do I really think I'm done with best-sellers? Haha! Somehow they keep finding their way back in my life. But as long as I've got my stack of goodies to go back to for some fresh air afterward, and as long as I can keep playing this fun game of Fantasy Genius Rewriters, I might just survive.... ;-) Haha!

And, who knows.... Maybe another Life of Pi will come along one of these days. Ahhhhh....

We Are the 99%

Go Occupy Movement! It's so awful to be in the 99 percent.

I'm in the 99 percent.

Several years ago, our government gave us—flat out handed us—about $150,000 we didn't have, just so Matt could go to medical school. Tuition stunk (thanks CO voters with your dumb Taxpayer Bill of Rights that accidentally bankrupted higher education—oops!) and you can't earn a living while you're a medical student, so we had no hope of starting medical school without serious financial help. We should have scrimped and saved for years and years (and years!) to start on Matt's dream of becoming a doctor, but instead...money just landed in our pockets.

Unfortunately...we have to pay at back! Plus interest that is accruing all these years while we still aren't making much money. Can you believe it? The gall! Handing us money we could have never hoped to accrue on our own, and then expecting us to [gasp!] pay it back? Corrupt, I tell you. Corrupt. Thank you, Occupy Movement, for pointing out that the government sucks for making us pay back money they gave us—thank you for suggesting a mass boycott of loan repayment. "If millions of people refuse to pay, they'll get the message." Oh yes they will.

So, here we are.... Like many of the occupiers, we are saddled with loans, overworked, and underpaid. Paying our dues. (Oh wait.... The occupiers aren't actually overworked, because they don't work at all. Boo hoo hoo, I kept applying for jobs—10 in the last two years!—and I couldn't get one. Boo hoo hoo.)

We are the 99 percent.

We have two cars.

(Did you know in the U.S. there are more cars than drivers? We have an average of more than one car per driving American.)

We have two cell phones. This actually puts us in a stinky minority of the already-stinky 99%, since the average American has more than one cell phone. (There are more active cell phones in the United States than the total population. Even babies? More cell phones per family than there are people...? Wow!)

It is with a certain amount of embarrassment that I admit we have two computers, two iPhones, and an iPad. (The average American will spend over $300 on Apple products this year.)

We have so much stinking money that we even have a tent, and the luxury to go pitch it in the middle of town if we wanted. We could even network with people on our iPhones about the injustices of our 99% position.

I came across an article yesterday about kids in Mali who work in gold mines because their families can't afford to send them to school. (Oh, did I mention that Seth goes to school for free? Awesome teacher, too. We walk to school every day—kids in the double stroller, me with my special walking shoes. Seth brings home books from the library, plays with PE equipment, goes to a computer lab and a music class....) These kids in Mali burn up their lungs with the mercury gas they torch off of the gold (their mothers also help burn off mercury in their yards), or spend long days helping to bring stuff to the surface that was mined deep underground. When they're done, they may or may not get paid. (They also may or may not suffocate underground from toxic gas.) If they are paid, it is sometimes in bags of dirt, with the hope that something of value will be in it.

The most remarkable thing about this story was how unremarkable it was. Much of the world lives with such realities. Most of it, in fact.

Did I say that, with the average American, or even the average poverty-stricken American, we are the 99 percent?

I'm sorry. I meant to say: 99th percentile.

Beauty: Part Four

A poll:

Would you use Latisse, a product to make your eyelashes grow longer and thicker, if you knew...

it might turn your light eyes brown!?!!

Permanently!

Of all the potential side-effects I've ever heard, none has frightened me quite like that one. It's so...permanent....

(Hey, Elizabeth, since your driver's license says you have black eyes anyway...! ;-))

I find it hard to imagine how anyone with light eyes could even consider this. Hundreds or thousands of dollars and a possible total eye-color change for...longer eyelashes...? Really? Anyone?

Beauty: Part Three

Years ago, I read something in an article that amused me so much I've never forgotten it:

"We all know that celebrities are just like the rest of us. Except rich enough to be better looking...."

Hahaha!!

It's so true, though. It's interesting how someone can sell themselves as "hot," or pretty, or handsome, just by dressing the part. But if you actually look at their face.... Totally ordinary. Or maybe even a little strange. Crooked nose? Huge jaw? Everyone has something....! (Almost everyone. ;-))

So, on the opposite side of the spectrum from my previous post, when I enjoyed imagining a world where everyone is willing to just look like their natural ol' selves, there's this great curiosity I've had in what a makeover genius would do to me.

I'm pretty sure there are some amazing-looking people out there who aren't actually any more attractive than I am, and that the same is true of anyone. You see these makeover shows and watch someone who even appears very unattractive suddenly, wow! Pop! And you realize: that skin just needed the right color of hair, and that hair just needed the right conditioner, and that face just needed the right shirt and the right haircut...!

Because people are all beautiful! They really are.

And what would a master eye see for me...?

What would a master colorist do to my hair? Go lighter? Go darker? Go redder? Keep it exactly the same?

What would a master sylist do to my hair? If it would take longer than 10 minutes, they would have to just take my picture for fun and say good-bye to the perfect hairstyle they tried to give me. Haha! (I couldn't stand to waste my day on primping! Been there, done that, but I'm not an insecure teenager anymore. :)) But what would it be? And what would the perfect 10-minute hairstyle be? Could I go even shorter? Would they make me poofier? Sleeker?

What would my perfect outfit be? My perfect shoe? My perfect color palette?

What do I not know I don't know...?

How would I look on Oscar night if I, like a celebrity, were rich enough to be better-looking than my fellow man? (Haha!)

How would Matt look? How would my other family members and friends look? Would we look like ourselves still...? Or would it be a thoroughly unrecognizable crew?

As for the master makeup artist.... I'm not sure they exist. (I always hate the makeup on a makeover. Ick.) But the pioneer of very natural-looking, genius makeup would be interesting to consult!

And as for the plastic surgeon.... Oh please....

November

I lovvvvvve November. Always have!

Which is why it's so, so fabulous to me that we have ended up with many great memories in November.

Next week, it will be 13 years since Matt and I met. Thirteen years before we met, I was 4 years old! Matt has now been the best thing in my life for most of what I remember of life. (Matt is also the one who taught me that "most" just means "over half," and not "almost all." So, it sounds weird to me, but I'm going with it. Most of my life! :-))

Thirteen years from now.... Seth will be in college! AHHHHH!!!

Suddenly, I wish it felt like much, much longer ago that Matt and I met in that dorm lobby. Maybe Seth will be meeting his future bride in his dorm lobby in 13 years—November 2024. (She better be the best thing ever. :-))

In a few weeks, Maren will be 1! How is it possible? What a perfect Thanksgiving that will be.

And two days after that, Matt and I will have been married for 9 years. Which almost feels like 10. Which means that when we get to 10, I'll be surprised it's only our 10th anniversary because I'll have been thinking all year that we've been married for a decade. ;-)

November is also when we found out we really were going to have Seth, and when we saw him for the first time—a little pole with a beautifully beating heart. One of the best memories of our life. So, even though he had to be born in yucky Summer (boo! ;-)), our first memories of him are also shrouded in the feel of November....

I love the crispness in the air. I love the smell. I love the feel of November.... It truly is a time of Thanks.

Post I failed to finish on October 10th.

Rady Children's!

Have you ever wondered if your Board-Certified Pediatrician really ever proved s/he knew what s/he was talking about?

Today Matt is spending 10 hours completing a 350-question, 100-page exam. Even though it's a scantron test, this exam still cost $2400! [Seriously?] Yes, seriously.

Those scantron readers must be getting pricey. :-.

The reason this test is 10 hours long, 350 questions, 100 pages and $2400 is presumably because a 4-year degree, the extra work to get accepted to medical school, 4 years of medical school, multiple board tests, and 3 years of residency training to the tune of 60-90 hours a week for minimal pay (while $100-300k of student loans keep racking up interest :-)) just aren't enough. Prove yourself! And why not make it expensive, too? ;-)

Here are some sample questions to marvel at! They ask such specific things about such a wide variety of cases.

A 12-year-old boy has had intermittent heartburn for the past several years. Results of an upper gastrointestinal radiographic series performed at age 11 years were normal. Over the past year, he has had several episodes of "food getting stuck in his chest." The most common foods that cause him difficulty are hot dogs, steak tips, and chicken strips. Physical examination findings are unremarkable. He has been treated with omeprazole for 3 months, but symptoms persist. Of the following, the MOST appropriate next diagnostic test is:
A. esophageal manometry study
B. esophagogastroduodenoscopy with biopsy
C. radionuclide gastric emptying scan
D. serum immunoglobulin E measurement
E. 24-hour esophageal pH probe study


The youngest child in a family affected by neurofibromatosis 1, who is 5 years old, has just had the diagnosis confirmed. You begin the process of counseling the family. Of the following, the MOST accurate statement about potential medical complications in affected children is that they
A. are at increased risk of developing cataracts
B. have an increased incidence of acoustic neuroma
C. have an increased incidence of childhood hypertension
D. should be restricted from contact sports
E. should be screened annually for optic gliomas using computed tomography scan


You are seeing a 12-month-old infant who was born at 26 weeks' gestation. He receives daily diuretics and nasal cannula oxygen with a baseline flow of 0.1 L/min, but his mother called this morning reporting that he had a temperature of 100.5 degrees F, nasal congestion, increased work of breathing with a rapid respiratory rate, and a "wheezing" cough. You instructed her to increase the oxygen flow rate to 0.5 L/min and come directly to the clinic. Physical examination reveals intercostal and subcostal retractions, a respiratory rate of 80 breaths/min, and a prolonged expiratory phase with audible wheezing. A copious, cloudy, green nasal discharge is present. No heart murmur is audible. Pulse oximetry while receiving 0.5 L/min oxygen reveals an oxygen saturation of 85% at rest. Of the following, the BEST explanation for this child's presenting signs of respiratory distress is:
A. acute cor pulmonale
B. foreign body aspiration
C. gastroesophageal reflux
D. lower respiratory tract infection
E. upper respiratory tract infection


[This one KILLS me! Haha! Yes, people ask their pediatricians everything and, guess what? They've studied everything. Haha!]

A mother brings in her 10-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son because they are fighting constantly. The son says he hates having a sister and complains that his parents favor her and give her everything she wants. The daughter says that her brother is spoiled and always touches her stuff. The other is frustrated by their constant fighting and asks for assistance in handling her children. Of the following, the BEST initial guidance for the mother is to
A. explain that this is typical of siblings and she should ignore the behavior
B. give her a list of books on parenting
C. refer her to a behavioral therapist to improve her parenting skills
D. suggest she use behavioral modification techniques to diminish fighting
E. tell her to return in 6 months if the siblings are still fighting

[Hahahahaha!!!!]

Times 100 pages.

I could hyperventilate thinking about how every question may have multiple correct answers but you only get credit for choosing "the MOST appropriate." Flipping through Matt's practice tests, I could also hyperventilate thinking about the sheer breadth of knowledge he's been expected to amass. And he's really done it! It's incredible. To think that when we got married, I actually had more formal education than he did. :) But since then.... Wow. Just look at what he's learned, and how he blesses the lives of children and their families. It's truly amazing, even awe-inspiring to me.

Perhaps even more amazing and awe-inspiring...? He actually thinks my learning in the past decade has kept pace with his! (The ambiguity of it notwithstanding.) HAH! While I'm grateful for that, I also think he's insane. Haha! All joking aside, though, how grateful I am that we intrigue each other, that we married someone comparably intelligent, with complementary interests and interesting thoughts. If we weren't so fascinating to each other, who knows what kind of gap Matt's education and career could have created between us. I'm grateful every day that he is doing something he loves, that he's so darn good at it!, and that our unity continues to be strengthened as we, somehow, do this totally together.

And I'm grateful he finished that board exam!

Post-script: Matt texted me halfway through the exam (lunch break) and lamented that he was so, so BORED. He wanted to die. I thought that was a good sign. Haha! And he came home glad to be done, feeling that out of the 350 questions, there were only 30 he wasn't sure about. So I'd say, unless he grossly misjudged himself, we should expect a passing score! Now we don't have to think about it until . . . Pediatric Cardiology Boards . . . . Oh, it never ends. :)

Our iPhones tell the story of what we do all day....

Me:

Sending a text to Matt when my eye hurt and he asked to see what it looked like.

Goofing off with Seth (and Maren,  below).

Letting Seth take my picture at the beach.

Matt:

Ok. Well.... Maybe we don't spend our days so differently after all. 

:-)

How's THIS for ESP?

A few months ago, I found an old notebook. (Ah, another old notebook story!) This one wasn't as old, and the story isn't as funny as my last old notebook story. But, wow! This one even stunned the unstunnable Matt.

I found notes for a church activity I was planning with birth announcement sketches interspersed throughout. (I guess the activity planning just got too boring at times.) Mostly there were just shapes where text and pictures would go. But on one page, I had actually written what the text might say—a wild prediction to dream, and to see how it would look when we told the world about our baby.

At this point in time, we did know we were having a girl, and were sure of the first name and sort of deciding on her middle name, but we had not talked induction yet. I was due December 7th. (Seth had been born 8 days before his due date, not induced, and had been 6 pounds 3 ounces, 19 3/4 inches.)

Here is what I had jotted down, staring at us from a page of church notes I'd written while pregnant with a baby we hadn't met yet:

We're delighted to announce the birth of our daughter
Maren Elise Williams
November 24, 2010
6 pounds 1 ounce
19 inches

Um....

She was born on November 24, 2010.

She was 6 pounds 0 ounces.

She was 19 inches long.

:-D

It was a fun—and sort of surreal—thing to find. I think I'll add it to the memory of guessing 2:48 pm as her time of birth, realizing at about 2:15 how silly that had been, then surprisingly giving birth to her at 2:45. Three minutes off! If there had been any way to not deliver her in mere seconds, I think I'd have aimed for a perfect prediction on that one. ;-)

How in the world was I so close on all these stats? [Cue Twilight Zone music!] Kind of fun. When Maren dares to think our symbiosis isn't real, I'll whip these out for her. Hahaha!! (Just kidding. ;-))

Crash and BURN!

When Matt and I got married, the fourth of our nieces and nephews had just been born. Now there are 18 grandkids on the Williams side (two of them aren't quite born yet...but very, very soon!) and 5 on the Golding side.

AND...up until the last couple of months...I'd correctly predicted the sex of every baby but one. What a streak!

Ohhhh...did I crash and burn. Three babies coming, and I missed on two of them. Two! When I'd only missed one in over a dozen babies!

Will I get my groove back? Is my ESP gone forever? Time will tell.... Time will tell.... :)

Here's my record as it currently stands:

Williams #5

Predicted: Boy

Born: Boy

Williams #6

Predicted: Girl

Born: Girl

Williams #7

Predicted: Girl

Born: Girl

Williams #8

Predicted: Girl

Born: Girl

Williams #9/Golding #1 was Seth!
We had always seen ourselves having a girl first, but, Matt is my witness, my official prediction before the big ultrasound was Boy.

Golding #2

Predicted: Boy

Born: Boy

Williams #10

Predicted: Girl

Born: Girl

Williams #11

Predicted: Boy

Born: Boy

Williams #12

No prediction. This awesome boy was adopted. :-)

Williams #13

Predicted: Girl (Even though I think I was the only one guessing girl on this one!)
Born: Girl

Golding #2

Predicted: Boy

Born: Boy

Williams #14

Predicted: Boy

Born: Boy

Are you amazed yet? (I was!!) At this point, I was 100%! That's incredible, right?

Golding #3

Predicted: Boy
Born: GIRL

It was my very first stumble!!

Williams #15/Golding #4 was Maren!

Predicted: Girl
Born: Girl

And here comes my crash and burn.... The three-at-once predictions I made, but only one of them was correct. I'll put them in the order I discovered the accuracy (or not) of my prediction.

Williams #17
Predicted: Girl
Ultrasound: Girl

Williams #18
Predicted: Girl
Ultrasound: BOY

And shortly after this failed prediction...

Williams #16

Predicted: Boy
Born (last month): GIRL

I just don't know who I am anymore! Sniff! ;-) Twelve correct in a row, but hardly even beating "The Monkey Score"* in the last five.

I'm so happy to have a new niece, though, and another niece and nephew on the way so soon. Oh, babies...! They're just so lovely. I want to go snuggle them all. Congratulations, babies, and congratulations to our brothers and sisters who get to have them in their families. :-) (I love you, babies! Even though I didn't foresee you! :-))

*My dad had a teacher once who would set his computer to take a test before the students did, randomly choosing answers. He called the result "The Monkey Score" (hahaha!), and anyone who couldn't beat the Monkey Score was properly ridiculed. "You'd have been better off just randomly choosing answers!" I think you also got an auto-F if you couldn't beat the Monkey Score. Or maybe I'm just making that up. I love the story so much that sometimes I find myself thinking, if only for a moment, that my dad once had a teacher who would actually get a monkey to take the test.... Hahaha! Who knows what other details I've added. :-)

Beauty: Part Two

This post is going to going to be based upon thoughts from the minds of two men: my husband and...Drew Carey of all people! They have both said things about beauty that made a great impression on me.

I'm married to a man who loathes—loathes—makeup. Some women keep their hair a certain way because their husbands love it, or wear makeup every day so their husbands are proud of how they look. But if I were to base my appearance on what makes my husband happy, I'd throw out all makeup and never put a drop of it on my face. He hates the stuff. I press him on it sometimes, to see how serious he is.... For instance, we might get all dressed up for an event of some kind and, when he sees me, Matt's eyes might do their twinkle-thing as he comments on how nice I look. And I might say something like: "Now, admit it! Aren't you glad I'm wearing makeup right now?" I really think he means it when he says: "You look great tonight, but you'd look even better with no makeup! What's wrong with just...you?!!"

Sometimes he has almost a visceral reaction talking about makeup, like he's really going to start retching right there. Haha! "Ugh.... It's just so...! Ugh!! A face is beautiful! Skin! It's just skin! Why do people need to make it different colors? Why do people need to plaster it? What's with mascara? That's ridiculous! Tar? On your eyelashes? It looks horrible!! Eyelashes are beautiful! Skin is beautiful! Freckles are beautiful! What's wrong with people?"

And, I have to admit.... His point makes sense to me.

Enough sense, at least, to not wear a lot of makeup. ;-)

I still can't resist sometimes smoothing out my complexion a little. Hehe. I'm sorry, Matt! And if I ever find a great mascara that doesn't look like mascara (I like how it opens up the eyes a little more but I hate the fake-eyelash look!) I'm sure I wouldn't be able stop using it, either. :)

I remember watching an old game show hosted by Drew Carey several years ago, and a question came up for the contestant that somehow referenced "ugly people." Drew Carey said something like: "Oh, but there are no ugly people." Which drew a laugh, even from me. He was chagrined it had come off as a joke, stopped everything for a second, and said something to the tune of: "No, really, this is very important to me. I really feel that every person matters and every person is beautiful. And we're all made differently, but every single person is beautiful. There is no ugly. There are no ugly people."

It was almost a spiritual experience for me (obviously, I remember it years later), and I felt properly ashamed for laughing at the idea at first, for not having had this same conviction myself. I felt the truth of what he was saying.

This goes together with Matt's conviction that, wow, a person is beautiful, just how he or she is! Their skin is beautiful because it's them. Makeup? Makeup isn't them. Their normal skin is them, their normal eyes, their normal eyelashes. Those are all you. I want to see you, not makeup. Keep yourself clean and presentable, definitely. And, sure, tweeze those hairs you hate, get a nice haircut, whatever. But covering up you...? You are more beautiful than you plus paint and tar. You are beautiful.

I believe it's true. I especially believe it's true when I see someone with so much makeup on that she looks un-human. We actually see this with much frequency! (Drawn-on eyebrows really go too far. The "smoky" zombie-raccoon eye. Thick mascara.... I get you, Matt! I get why you'd rather see a human face!) I'm working on believing it to the extent that I really feel totally presentable without a little makeup. We'll see if I ever get there.... But, at least, I can go out without it and still feel confidence in myself. My worth is not in the wow-factor of my appearance. Oh please. If it were, even the most stunningly beautiful person would be of very, very little worth. Infinitesimal worth!

Our Heavenly Father must just want to wrap us all up in his arms sometimes and say, wow, do you even realize how beautiful you are, and what that means...? You are a child of the Almighty God. His child. His creation. His love and His joy. You are His! And yet we wake up every morning to put ourselves on display, to draw some attention to some strange idea of beauty.... A beauty that means nothing—less than nothing—compared with the beauty of being a person, a child of God.

I look at pictures of people in other cultures, and I marvel at the beauty. Why are they so incredibly gorgeous?!! One reason is that, ok, they're actually more gorgeous. ;-) But how beautiful is it to look at people through the lens of unfamiliarity and just see...people. Not a body shape or a makeup style or a hairstyle or a dye job. Just people.... Skin. Smiles. Eyes. Hands.

Imagine how beautiful our own culture might be if we just gloried in our personness, and not in our trophiness. If we "loved the skin we're in." :) If hair extensions and bleach and eye tar and smoky eyes were kaput. If we felt, like Matt and Drew Carey, that, wow, people are beautiful! Just look at them, really look at them. They're beautiful!!

It's nice to imagine.

  

Pictures:
1) Camille took this in Guatemala. What a lovely woman this is! Would you put botox in this face? Anyone? (If you would, please don't tell me. My opinion of you could never recover, I'm afraid. :))


2) So, so beautiful. I see this photo, and I totally understand why Matt could explode over the thought of makeup. Can you imagine this woman all made up? Foundation all over that skin, eyeliner around those eyes, three shades of eye shadow, two coats of mascara, lip liner on those lips with a glossy stain, eyebrow pencil to fill in a little.... Oh! Oh! I could die over this thought! Look at that lovely, lovely face! Ok, I've never understood Matt better. I get you, Matt! Maybe I will go throw away all my makeup! 


3) Ditto. :-) People are beautiful.

Dangerous it may be!

I recently found an old spiral-bound notebook from college. It was surreal and kind of fun to flip through it and find notes from lectures I attended in Fall of 1999, remembering some of the classes I enjoyed that semester. Several pages of Hebrew practice! Ahh.... I loved studying Hebrew.

And then....

My eye caught hold of something potentially hilarious. A paper, carefully folded, peeking out of a folder. The exposed part of the paper, as you can see, says: Dangerous it may be

Haha! I was missing some punctuation. What did I mean? Dangerous it may be? I'm intrigued!!

Opening the paper was one of the funnier moments of my life. I SO remember doodling it. And I remember folding it up, and writing the warning: Dangerous! Also, take heed: it MAY be! As in, this is dangerously possible? Also, this is a dangerous thing to contemplate! And a dangerous paper to not burn!!

Inside was my name, doodled over and over and over again, as I often do when I feel like doodling (I have an insatiable desire to doodle sometimes, but no artistic talent, so I sign my name!): Auburn Williams, Auburn Williams, Auburn Williams.

Doesn't sound too funny. Until you remember....

I was not Auburn Williams.

Yet.

I was not even dating a Williams.

I was best friends with a guy named Matt, who now lived in Korea and would not be back until 2001. Was he in love with me? Absolutely. Had he ever admitted it? Hahaha!! Heavens no. Hahaha!! Had we ever flirted with the idea of dating? No. Not at all. His mission took priority over some crush on each other. But, yes, we were the very best of friends, and I loved him, truly deeply loved him. As a friend. ;-)

And to no one but myself, very, very dangerously, I admitted I had perhaps thought of marrying him. And here, 12 years later, tangible proof shows up in an old box of mine with an old folder in it carrying an old piece of paper with the warning: Dangerous it may be!

Well, what might have been now IS. Unless you count my other doodles....

Our children's names!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

First funny thing:
There were five kids.

HAHAHAHA!!

Second funny thing:
I had their ages written down, and a few of them were only 2 years apart. Oh, how my thoughts changed.... :)

Third through seventh funny things:
The names!

HAHAHAHA!!

Here they are, the names of my theoretical future family with my best friend, in order of birth:

Nathaniel Rulon Williams
(We actually hung on to Nathaniel for a middle name for a long while, it being the Hebrew form of the name Matthew. We never wanted to name a kid after Matt, but this seemed like a wonderful little way to go: great meaning, great language, almost named after his Dad but not really. Rulon is Matt's middle name, so I guess Nathaniel Rulon was my nod to Matt in both names. Rulon has never made a name list other than this one! I was surprised to see it here. :))

Emma Caroline Williams
(This is actually quite lovely. Emma dropped from consideration when it popped up to the #1 name in the country, but it's still so cute. And Caroline was on our shortlist of middle names for a long while. If we had had a little girl in 2003, not that we were trying for one that early but we did have a name list going, her name may well have been Mia Caroline Williams! So, I guess it's funny that I thought of a name back then that actually stuck for a little while.)

Christopher Joseph Williams
(Another goodie! Joseph Christopher and Christopher Joseph made it to our shortlist, actually. Not so sure anymore that we like Chris Williams OR Joseph Williams. In theory, yes....  But then we say it and aren't so sure.)

Jonathan Michael Williams
(This name went the way of all the earth long before Matt and I actually got together.)

and, finally, the really terrible one...
Aria Lynn Williams
(HA! What is that?)

Now, those were just the final names! I have other ideas scribbled around! Christopher Michael Williams. Jonathan Michael Williams.

Then I have the heads of the family:

Matthew and Auburn Williams
Dr. Matthew Williams / Auburn Williams

Then I have my signature practiced: Auburn Williams Auburn Williams Auburn Williams

Then I have poor little Aria's ugly signature practiced: Aria Lynn Williams Aria Lynn Williams

Then I have the kids' names all written together, as if to test out:  could this be a group?

Nathaniel, Emma, Chris, Jon, Aria

Then, in cursive:

Nathaniel, Emma, Chris, Jon, Aria

I guess I did all this to try to discern or intuit.... Does it feel possible? Hmmm.... Does it?

The answer must have been yes. Because I folded up that paper. Kept it safe. And declared it dangerous. "It may be!!"

Beauty: Part One

Anne: "You little know how utterly wretched I am."

Marilla: "I little know how you got IN to this FIX, but I demand that you tell me."

Anne: "He positively assured me it would turn my hair a beautiful raven black."

Marilla: "Who did? Who are you talking about?"

Anne [choked up]: "The peddler we met on the road today!" [boo hoo hoo!]

Marilla [trying not to laugh]: "Well. I hope this has opened your eyes...to see where your vanity has taken you...."

Do you know this hilarious scene?! (I hope you do!)

It played itself over and over in my mind as I laid in bed, ironically unable to open my eyes. I kept hearing Marilla's voice: "I hope this has opened your eyes...to see where your vanity has taken you!" And then I'd laugh. Or want to.... Not that I otherwise felt much like laughing.

And in case anyone has ever considered a heavy-duty chemical peel on your face...DON'T! Don't consider it! Consider instead the words: chemical; peel; and, face. Together. It's almost as ridiculous as the words "botulinum" and "on purpose." (But not quite.... I mean, come on. Nothing—nothing—not even a butt implant [haha!], is as ridiculous as the #1 most deadly toxin known to man being injected into your face so you can't move it. Seriously, people....) 

When I was offered a free chemical peel, I failed to consider the ridiculousness of the idea. I just heard: free. Hey, why not? It's free! Maybe it's awesome! Sure, it's intentionally burning my face with chemicals. But it's free! Free!!

Here I am at some point during a three-round extravaganza of putting chemicals on my face to BURN my skin off:

Here I am the next day, taking funny pictures to document how incredibly red my face had become:

Little did I know....

I thought it was funny that my face had gotten red [bwahahaha], but day two is when things really blew up. Literally. 

I woke up in the night and realized, oh wow, my face is kind of swelling. 

Took a bunch of ibuprofen. Went back to sleep.

Woke up in the morning...and....

I could hardly open my eyes!! I looked like a gourd! A pumpkin! Two little beady eyes being swallowed by a tight, oozing mass of tumor! 

And to prove just how humble I am, I will let you see.... Hahaha! Mostly because it's hilarious. But make no mistake: it had been much worse than this. Really! Unfortunately, I have no documentation since I couldn't be bothered with things like taking my own picture when my face was folding in on itself. But here I am at about 70% disaster:

Now, let's compare that to the most unflattering photo of normal-me possible. Here I am, normal-ol me, with bed hair, no make-up, even frowning in my sleep and probably drooling, with a cross-eyed baby in my arms. I now see this as gorgeous. ;-)

I spent an entire weekend completely incapacitated, which is just ridiculous. Incapacitated because of a vanity measure? Puh-lease. I could hardly handle the insanity of it! This is what idiots do to themselves, not grounded people like I thought I was. I must be an idiot! What next? A tanning bed? Vacation time for my facelift and lip implant? A four-hour hair treatment every month while Matt gives me my "ME time"? I'm laid up by this?! Hahahahaha! A chemical peel?! Me?!

Luckily, I didn't have church that weekend. (Can you imagine how I'd have scared the kids? Hahahaha!) Also luckily, Matt had the weekend off. Heaven knows how kids can get on for a weekend when their mother has had her face burned off. (Really, I couldn't take care of them!) I laid in bed with cold, wet towels on my face, and a fan blowing on it. Matt got me a prescription for steroids which gave me my eyes back and, eventually, some semblance of cheekbones. Matt would come check on me (or bring me Maren so I could try to blindly feed her before smothering my face in towels again), and I'd just laugh and moan and laugh, and I couldn't stop saying: "this is so dumb!! This is SO dumb, Matt!"

Do you need to see the picture again to remember just how dumb it was? Haha! Laid up in bed for two days! Couldn't open my eyes! I mean, this is how life goes when something bad happens to you, not when you VOLUNTARILY burn your face off. On purpose. Douse your face in chemicals so it burns off. Voluntarily. What is that? And why did I do it? (Oh yeah.... Because it was free. Stupid, Auburn! Stupid!) It was comedy of the absurd, if ever I've seen it.

Here. Look at the picture again! Look at it!

Hahahaha!!!

Anyway, no, it wasn't because my skin is sensitive. (It's not, particularly.) It's because it was burned. I burned it. On purpose. With TCA (whatever that is). I burned it on purpose. 

I did this because, apparently, it matters how your skin looks. (????)

And here's the point of number one of this installment: It doesn't matter.

It really, really doesn't. It just doesn't matter. Things that do matter? Oh, let's see.... A million things. (Not the least of which is being able to open your eyes! Haha!) How about being comfortable in your own skin, sans beauty treatments? How about being comfortable in your own hair? Your own curves? Your own non-curves?

How about just being clean and presentable, and trying to see yourself the way your Creator does: as infinitely valuable, with not one whit of that value coming from your appearance. Not one tiny whit. 

I hope I think of that next time I'm offered a free self-mutilating beauty procedure.

And if I don't, maybe...at the very least...I'll think of this:

Hahahaha!!! (Oh man! This picture is too hilarious, I can hardly stand it! Hahahaha!! It hardly resembles me at all. I honestly wonder if I'd know it was me if I hadn't been there myself! I only wish I'd been able to make it look even more pathetic. I took SO many pictures trying to get the saddest look possible, but this was the funniest I could get. Turns out it's hard to move your face when it's exploding.... ;-))