Aright that is just an excuse. I'm just too lazy to do so. Ha.
So yes, I was supposed to talk about Taiwan. Actually the photos are already all up on my Google+ account, and my few close friends have at least seen some of them. Given that they are probably the very same ones who might still be bothered to come here, blogging anything about Taiwan is equivalent to showing them the same photos a second time. Not to mention, most of them are themselves frequent visitors to Taiwan, so they need no introduction to the places I went to.
On the other hand, during our planning stage we had stumbled upon several blogs that detailed their respective trips to different parts of Taiwan, and some of the information they provided were of great help to us. If all of them had the same mindset as me, then nobody would have blogged about Taiwan. Who knows, someday some stranger might chance upon this place too, and my rambling might be of useful help to him or her.
In conclusion, I will blog about my trip to Taiwan, when I
Come Monday I will be starting work. I have been trying not to say too much about my upcoming job, because I have friends around me who do not have jobs yet despite their impressive results, while I practically had mine given to me in spite of my lousy grades, so I'm a little ashamed about it. Yes I have a three month probation period to survive first, but it probably beats staying at home.
I'm nervous about my new job, nervous about how I will perform, nervous about how others will think I will perform, nervous about whether I will screw things up and get myself and others into trouble. No amount of words of encouragement or comfort will help, so don't bother giving. I have to be inside settled down and being part of the team before I become sane again. I guess part of the nervousness comes from the fact that it is a huge change in my life, as if its a completely different phase (oh wait, it actually is). I am resistant to change, and change wrecks my nerves upside down. Yet change is the only constant.
A couple of people have asked whether this is what I want to do. I replied them (which is honestly my answer) that I am not sure and I just take anything that comes along first. A more complete answer, in addition to that, is that beggars can't be choosers. Its a little sad that having already lived for a quarter of a century I am still unsure of what I want, but unfortunately that is what it is. There are some issues bugging me which I need to settle first before I can answer that million dollar question. The big issue is of course money.
Hot on the heels of my new job are the letters notifying me of all the tuition loans that I need to repay. The first letter has already arrived, stating an amount of $16,844 if I were to repay before the interest kicks in. A second letter telling me to repay $21,996 should arrive sooner or later. A long time ago my mother had offered to repay all the money first, and I repay my mother instead so as to avoid paying interest. However since then we have not talked about this again, and I am a little uncomfortable bringing this up. Either way, I have to repay someone.
Still on the topic of money, but casting the net wider, is the issue of supporting my family. My parents are old and suffer from the usual problems associated with the aged. My mother wanted to resign on the very day I start work, as her legs hurt badly from all the walking and shuttling between two hospitals, but she realised that she has to give a month notice in advance. My father, on the other hand, just had an operation, although he seemed to have pretty much recovered. Did I mention that my brother is next to useless?
With all that in mind, I feel like the burden of supporting the family is going to rest heavily on me. More than that, I hope that my parents can lead more comfortable lives than now. Which is why getting a new air conditioning unit is high up on my wishlist. And a smartphone for my mother. And a new sofa to replace the current one that is threatening to fall apart.
As you can see, money is very important to me now, much as I really don't want to become a slave to it. Yes I have heard enough about those talks that tell us to follow our passion and trust that the money will come in eventually. Well do you want to help me tell the banks that?
Therefore, at this point of time, I think I will gladly take up any job that comes along. I'm fine with this new job frankly speaking, because the position is the same as my appointment during National Service, though the job scope will probably be a little different. I just hope I can adapt quickly to it, and that I don't act like a complete idiot inside.
One question you might have for me, "If I am desperate for money, why didn't I give tuition like what many undergraduates do?" Well my answer is confidence, or rather the lack of it. I don't feel like I am qualified enough to teach, and I certainly don't want to further screw up some poor student's already screwed up results. Moreover I have this reluctance towards offering money for knowledge, for I am a believer of free access to knowledge.
I won't blame you if you want to say that I am lazy and I am just finding some really lame excuses for myself. I do feel pretty ashamed of myself when I could go to the United States for student exchange and to Taiwan for a graduation trip when there are students who do not have the capability to do so and worse still, have to support themselves financially. You know what, I know I am a damn fortunate person, and that is why I try not to complain too much.
In other news, I bought myself a new pair of spectacles, because the old pair is already pretty much broken, and Company of Heroes through Steam. See what I mean?
I have one last day of freedom, before work kicks in. May I survive.