funeral

While my third aunt is one of my closest relatives, both distance and ties, her husband, which made him my uncle, was one of my most distant relatives. Ever since I could remember things, he had always given me the impression that he was fierce and not someone who could accept jokes of any kind. He was a man of few words, and I never really saw him smiled or laughed before.

Those around me didn't help either with their tales about how he would throw armchairs at his sons [my cousins] when they returned home late in their younger days. In fact when I was much younger, whenever I had to go to my aunt's house for whatever reason, my mother would first find out if he was at home. If he was, then there would be the strict instruction to greet him when I saw him.

Sometime back, he had a stroke. Because of his old age and his other ailments like a previously-operated-on weak heart, he never really recovered, and he passed away last saturday. I was tied down by work over the weekend, and so it was only today that I went to pay my respects.

Technically speaking this was the second time I attended a funeral wake, but the first time I attended my grandmother's in Malaysia, I was too young to recall much, so this was something new to me.

I was expecting the void deck to be solemn and serious, but no, the whole environment there was rather relaxed; in fact it looked a little like a family gathering. Small kids were running around, bigger kids were trying to study, adults were sitting around chatting. The cousins were smiling to guests and saying 'thanks for coming', one cousin's wife was busy running around wiping sweat off her daughter, while another was barking at her kids to finish their homework.

Living up to the true spirit of the typical Chinese, two main activities were still in effect regardless of the event: eating and gambling. Food was served to us, which included bee hoon, spring rolls, groundnuts, sweets, and the one dish that would always be present at funerals: curry chicken. Another aunt I met there kept telling me to eat more, because the curry chicken was jin ho jiak, and it was 'not everyday we get to eat such delicious chicken'. -.- And then there were the all-too-familiar discussions about the 4D numbers to buy.

I guess that when someone reaches old age, there will be the expectation that he will pass away sooner or later, as opposed to a sudden death from an accident or something. With that expectation, people will become more willing to accept the inevitable, and the sense of loss of someone will become lesser.

Life just goes on.

my Home

A secret wish [no longer anymore] that I have made for myself for the new year is to see more of Singapore. I didn't explicitly say it out because I don't know if I have the time to actually fulfill it. But since fulfilling wishes that I have made will make me happy, I think my new year resolution covers it anyway :P

Having lived in Singapore for the past 22 years, I don't think I have seen a lot about my own country. It doesn't quite make sense if I keep dreaming about travelling to other countries when I have not traveled in my own one.

I guess the time is just about right too, now that the ridiculous number of foreigners residing here, the all-too-rapid developments and the far-too-hectic lifestyles are making me lose sight of all that matters to me; its time to find them back.

Not sure how much of Singapore will I be able to cover [I'm quite pissed with myself for missing out Thaipusam, but at least I accomplished Chinatown], let's hope I don't do too badly.

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A while back a friend asked if I had gone to the New Year countdown at Marina Bay to see the fireworks. A part of me wanted to go, as my previous entry had suggested, but after my horrendous experience with the crowds there a year ago, I decided that staying at home would be better.

Don't get me wrong; I actually love crowds. I like lively and noisy [in a good way] atmospheres and I like to be in the crowd, to soak in the atmosphere, to listen to all the chatters, to experience all the buzz.

I remember the good old days where pasar malams were a welcomed sight in the neighbourhood. Back then, pasar malams were set up for three days, and operated only for the two nights in between. Stalls would line the two roads around my house, turn into a walkway that leads to the park behind, and spill over to the void decks of at least three adjacent blocks including mine. In the days back when the law was not that strict, stalls selling pirated music CDs would blast popular songs through loudspeakers, and others would be hawking cheap 3 for $10 clothes. There was no Ramly burgers, no mini theme park stunts for kids.

I would be very excited when the pasar malams came, and would drag my mother down with me to walk. The crowds would be huge; they were like mini carnivals that could rival the famous night markets of Taiwan. Occasionally I would return home with new 3 for $10 clothes, occasionally with bags of roasted groundnuts.

Then through the years our lifestyles changed and the law became stricter; all of a sudden there were no more pirated music or pirated software and games, no more stalls blasting songs loudly, people were no longer interested in 3 for $10 clothes, and stallholders found it hard to profit from just two nights of business. Pasar malams went on for longer periods of time, but stalls became lesser and quieter, lesser varieties of things were being sold, and crowds became thinner, the lively atmosphere were slowly gone.

The pasar malams today are a far cry to those of yesteryears. One was held across my house during the December vacation period and I took a walk around. The only loud noises came from a corner where auctioning of auspicious items were being conducted. The rest of the area were virtually ghost towns. Its sad.

So, to tie in with the first part of my entry, I hope I can find back what I have lost sight of.

And yet, while I love crowds, I dislike squeezing crowded buses and trains [who will like that?!], or going to the New Year countdown at Marina Bay. Why?

I think there is a whole lot more to just being in the crowd. The demography, purpose of the crowd, and a general sense of belonging to the crowd make a world of difference too. There's nothing lively or happy about fighting with others over a little private standing space for a train ride home, and well, its difficult to enjoy any atmosphere if I felt like I was an outsider in a New Year crowd made up mostly of people not from your own country.

The friend went on to ask what crowded places do I like. I guess for me, the location is not what matters; its the crowd itself that determines whether I want to be within or not. I like crowds that make me feel comfortable.