Friday, December 09, 2016
i know no one reads this blog anymore. It has become my mobile diary instead, Just wanted to pen down some thoughts...
Fast forward and it is now coming to the end of 2016. Been 2 years since we got married and am now expecting our first child. The journey has not been easy but that is the beautiful part of it. Going through the difficult aspects makes us stronger.
Marriage
Strong and awesome as ever.
Work
Quit my job and RWS and moved to a school to try teaching. The environment is totally different. Peopla here are so different. I don't feel a sense of belonging here and i can feel how fake some people are. Back in RWS, i remembered just telling people off if there was something wrong. Hate the whispering and all the "secret" meetings here. Always look forward to classes as that is where i can connect with the kids and be more of myself. Not a day goes by that i don't think of going back to RWS. Well, let me do up my attractions module first before i think of the alternate path. Moreover, i I don't know whether i'm doing my work too fast or i have nothing to do. Most days are spent surfing the net. Well, we shall see.
Starting a family
Finally we decided to try and it happened after 3 months. I was in shock at first (in a bad way), didn't want to keep the baby. But i have accepted it as we had always proclaimed the child to come in God's time, which it did. The morning sickness is at its full fury in the early parts of the pregnancy. Have learnt to manage it but the energy levels are going down. I always tell Derrick that i miss my old energetic self. I have always loved exploring but now, i hardly have the energy to go out. I hope that this will be all better in the second trimester.
♥12/09/2016 02:14:00 pm
Friday, November 28, 2014
It's amazing how fast time flies! We're married for 3 weeks now and have returned from our honeymoon a few days ago. What an amazing experience it has been. I would gladly marry derrick again if i could. To look back and think about how far we've come brings tears of joy. And here we are, preparing for the next stage which is our house. I can't find a person who will be more perfect for me than derrick. He is truly my soulmate and heaven sent. I am at peace now. Thank you God for your blessings. Am truly abundantly blessed!
♥11/28/2014 03:24:00 am
Sunday, November 02, 2014
Hate this wedding planning so much. Just want it over and done with. Really dont understand why would anyone want to go through so much trouble and spend so much money.
♥11/02/2014 06:14:00 pm
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Exhausted. Burnt out. Fast forward to the honeymoon please.
♥9/17/2014 11:23:00 pm
Sunday, August 31, 2014
How do i put it? How do i even start?
How about, my wedding is cancelled cos my partner thinks i'm too fat.
How do u live with such a reasoning knowing that u were so close to marrying the love of your life, the one i have been seeking for and it just ended cos i was FAT.
How can i be sure that this "man" will look after me in a wheelchair? Or when i'm suffering from dementia or whatever life throws at me?
I know that i will be by his side no matter what. But he does not feel that way. All he wants is a slim and sexy woman to look after him.
It is such a sticking point in our relationship till he tells me to go jog at midnight since i come home late. WHAT THE HELL.
He says he cant trust me, cos i'm not keeping my promise to slim down. How about the other thousand things that i did for him so that he could have a peace of mind whole doing his things??
Imagine being blamed for everything that goes wrong. If i decide to go someplace and it rains, i get blamed. When i booked something wrongly, i get blamed. If ee dont come up with a decision, surprise surprise, i get the blame.
I wonder why do i even bother to put up with this bullshit. Partly cos the happy times outweight times like this. But when it is just 2 months away, you start getting cold feet knowing that it is now or never.
I have always loved him. Skinny or not. Rich or poor. Cui or not. Bleeding lips, flaky skin, peeling dry skin. Which other woman will put up with this. Not forgetting, that hot temper and being treated like an accused.
Where has the happiness and love gone?
Tell me where are we heading? Are we even on the right path?
♥8/31/2014 03:32:00 pm
Monday, April 28, 2014
I am tired and weary. So sick of work, sick and tired of expectations and stress. Sick of managing people. Sick of answering to the bosses.
Seeking an escape. There is no end in sight. When our house is ready, the loans will be our ball chain. It's really scary to know that u have to work your entire life jusy to pay off the house and the car. What more a child?!
Oh lord, let your grace manifest in me. Let my worries and sleepless nights be a thing of the past.
♥4/28/2014 12:44:00 am
Sunday, April 13, 2014
I know i've been gaining weight. It's cos i'm happier, i eat better and no longer detest eating like i did before. But with the wedding on the way, the weight gain is unacceptable to some. The things ppl say do hurt me. Sometimes i really feel so hungry but no one takes me seriously. They stop me from eating and it makes me snack even more when i get the chamce too.
Derrick's wandering eyes haven't gone unnoticed. Mutter comments abt other women under his breath makes me feel inferior. He should love me as i am and not how much weight i carry.
Truth be told, i dont love the person i see in the mirror anymore. It pains me to see how much my body has changed. Unslightly bulges make me sick to my stomach. But i'm really so tired after a day's work and just wanna sleep and unwind.
I understand if derrick leaves me. I wont blame him. Sigh. If only there was a miracle pill to lose weight.
♥4/13/2014 02:31:00 am
