to he who fights.

it happened. and just as expected, it came and hit everyone of us just the same - with a torrential wave of emotions that overwhelms each and everyone, no matter how prepared he/she is. i caught myself wondering before it happened, if i would feel that engulfing teary overload because i was never close. never close in a sense that i could hardly converse with my mediocre hokkien, save for the 'have-you-eatens' and the 'yes-no' questions. but sitting down here in the dead of the night, and thinking brings back memories. and like how i was told that you will never realize the closeness until you lose that person, i proved that that theory's right.

closeness, it seems, is more than just the physical proximity or the conversing. and as i have found out, the thoughts, the intentions, the little minute acts and attempted conversation attempts were ways of saying 'i care'. yet somehow it never occured to me that even through those non-conventional means they bring about the similar intentions.

and i must say, and proclaim to the world, that yes you were close. that you fought and clung on, to dreams that you wanted to fulfil. that you fought the demons to state your right in the world. that even on your last breath, you thought about family. and maybe that was how men of strength have always been - that the words would be few, but the intentions vast. that you would fight for years, and be that pillar upon which your kids' lives were propped upon, and eventually mine.

and i wanted you to know, that even though you exist only in a different realm, your memories stay with me. and i wish i knew you better, but that's how it always is with everyone that's a memory, that there is always the regret that there was never enough. but i realized too, that there will never be enough. so yes, we part but life goes on. and we will remember you for your strength and courage.

to the future. and to the life that will never be forgotten.