omg. my hair has been massacred by some fool who didnt understand what i was trying to say. as if thin the top, and slope the sides were damn hard to understand. based on my extremely optimistic calculations, that salon will go bust in 3 mths cos' they will have no customers going back for sure.

sighs, i will wear a cap.

to: my sister

i've decided that for once, i will write a little tribute cum message to my little sister who is slogging her guts out for her exam;

so yes, clarice, i see you these few days mugging your ass off and i just wanted to tell you that you have no cause for worry. that even though trying to solve math equations is equivalent to running straight into a brick wall, it is all not that bad, because sooner or later that wall will fall.and walls do fall when you believe. and behind those walls are your dreams abundant.

and then i see you, the little girl i watched grow up (from being a pesky little rat to being a pesky little dinosaur), fighting hard against the world which tries to make you a tad bit weaker. but you dont waver, and you fight back, tooth and nail, blood and sweat. and even though they try to take your dreams away from you, you fend them off and refuse to give in. and why do i say you will succeed, because you fight harder than me. because i see you ploop yourself in front of a desk for hours, (at times, tearing your hair out because i saw a ton of hair in the toilet today) and it inspires me to know my sister of 16 is fighting for the right to be herself - to make her mark in this world.

and i wanted you to know that you will make your mark in this world, and that all you need is a little belief, a little hope and a ravaging hunger for it. and then you will make it, because this world rewards those who fight for what they want badly enough. and i wanted you to know that i will be here, either a phone call away or in that room near yours.

and i also wanted you to know that no matter how cheena you turn (or bimbotic), or how obsessed you become with taiwanese/japanese/korean drama serials, i will still communicate to you in english (with maybe a pinch of chinese). and i wanted you to know that blood IS thicker than water, not by virtue of you simply being my sister, but by virtue that you are my sister who fights for herself, who fights to make her mark and who fights for her place in this world. so yes, study hard for your Os.

(scribbled) when i'm just a call away

so last night my parents went on this tirade at my sis about her prolonged hours spent on the phone. and it dawned upon me that just not too long ago, i was there - with my nights of endless phone calls too. thinking back from where i am now, it is kinda nostalgic how the whole 15-16 year old thing has seemed to fade away for me replaced by nights spent reading political blogs and dota-ing (hmn, maybe that's still a 16 yr old thing to some of you, but i'll like to believe it transcends any age barriers). so yes, on the ride home, whilst listening to my sister's chinese songs (i.e. nice tunes, but they seem like a whirlwind of oriental sounds which i can't exactly make sense of), i began wondering when was the last time i had a long chat on the phone, why i stopped and why out of the blue i seemed to shun away from talking more than i should to anyone on the phone. and as how a 5 year old would ask questions; i kept asking more, one question leading onto the next. asking "why, why?" and then i stopped.

and then i decided to write, not to let the world know what runs through my mind, but in salutation to the memories that brings about the smiles. the memories that i hold tight and fend off those who try to taint it. and i write in salutation to the one on the other end of the line.

and i tussle with the air, wishing it were there.

i've come to believe that our lives are scripted in its moments. that there are things that happen again, and that there are things that remain as memories. that there are moments that you treasure, but in that similar moment, the other party eternalized in your memory forgets it all. that there are people who chose to remember pain, whilst others choose to remember the joy. you know the phrase, i'll give another breath of my life to experience it all over again? i've come to believe that sometimes even if you want it so desperately to happen, that you try with all your might to make the factors constant, the results will turn out different. what happens in the world isn't as constant as science, that factors cannot be assumed to be at a constant, that every moment has a different value and that itsy bitsy value will alter the moment.

and now i understand with clarity the beauty in this line from steinbeck;

"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stoopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone." -john steinbeck(of mice and men)

and i miss my moment.