excuses for one unsure heart.

ive been thinking much about the effects of communication. how silence for a period of time manages to slip a noose beneath a relationship, and force the wind out of it. do you ever find yourself in a situation whereby once you and this other person could so easily talk about anything under the sun, but after a period of silence, talking to the person again becomes slightly awkward? time and silence dont heal broken relationships. time wedges the two - stuffing a thick plank(of which what it's made of i'm still unsure) between the two hindering communication and the levels of comfort. and perhaps it is a gradual thing, that slowly seeps in and before you know it, it creeps under your skin and gets to you. and deep down, you wish you spoke more to retain the friends that you used to be close to. and then again, it's all a little too late huh?

perhaps when freud suggested that people talk about their problems and face up to it, he knew that this would happen. but then again, most of us didn't take him too seriously, did we?

browsing the genre; happiness

"Who knows what true happiness is? Not the conventional word, but the naked terror. To the lonely themselves, it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory. Or some illusion." - joseph conrad

you know, there's this thing about stories that i've realized recently. that if you're looking for a happy story, it sure is damn hard to find one. why? bcos' by happy, i meant just happy, without the troubled times, without the excruciating pain that the actors must endure before being bestowed the comforts of joy. i mean why do stories always have some unforseen calamity occur that wedges this wall between people's love? why can't stories paint the perfect world without its pain and sorrow, and merely fixate on the joy?

i've been thinking about the answers to my questions. and i've been wondering if its anything to do with relativity. well, if let's say you're constantly in a deprived environment (for a lack of examples, imagine you're eating a cold preserved pack of chicken pongtay rice which in theory sounds good but is actually another name for chicken flavoured rice-rock lumps with sour taste derived from unknown preservative), the presentation of something of a low standard in the real world (e.g. hot steaming rice and brocolli). ok, pardon the sudden outburst. what i am basically trying to say is, does the existance of pain and sorrow in relationship magnify the effect of joy? can i say that when you're suffering so much, the slightest bit of joy you experience will feel like an avalanche of euphoria?

i guess the answer is yes, in a way. and perhaps those are the reasons why people cling onto the past. you know you always hear people saying that you should simply remember the good, and forget the bad. i say thats a lie. bcos deep down, it becomes inevitable that the two become intertwined. that the two work hand in hand to paint that pleasant memory in the back of your head that will bring a smile to your face. i will sit down and remember my past. bcos my past puts that smile on my face.

it's monolithic, and sinking.

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." -E.E. Cummings

fight, struggle/ to be who you are/ and not who they want you to be./
dream those dreams/ and one day, a reality./